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anna k
prettynpink, I love your avatar!

I attended my aunt's wedding this weekend. The wedding itself was kind of cheesy (a lot of talk about love and unity and two souls becoming one and drinking from the same chalice of love), but it was sweet. It was set in a Japanese tea garden in upstate N.Y., and was pretty chilly. The bride and groom were married on a small piece of land in the middle of a small pond, accessible by rocks. The wedding march was Josh Groban's cover of Can't Help Falling in Love With You, and the exit song was The Beach Boys' Wouldn't It Be Nice. A lot of the senior citizens in the pews whispered during the service, one remarking on how much weight my aunt had lost (she's been thin for years) and that she married for money. I thought it was tasteless and rude for them to be whispering and talking during the service, like old people in a movie theater going "What just happened? Who's that? I don't like that actress . . ." and so on.

The reception was fun, lots of people jammin' to the oldies. A lot of people there were teenagers during the 1960s, so a lot of 60's pop songs were played (though I didn't think Runaround Sue or The Wanderer were really appropriate for newlyweds). Plenty of Sinatra, as we are old-school Italians, and tributes to my grandpa, who died last year and was a major figure in the family. I forget he's dead, he was so alive and strong that even being at his funeral I don't like to believe he's really gone.

My aunt is 60, and reminds me of a cross between Susan Lucci (petite, romantic, dark hair) and Celine Dion (sentimental and a little corny). She danced to Sinatra's Young At Heart, which describes her. She can act like a young girl sometimes, no matter her age.

I wanted to laugh at the first dedicated song. The D.J. went, "Here's a song that was requested by the bride and groom to celebrate the theme of the power of love." I assumed it would be Celine Dion's song, but no.

Huey Lewis and the News' Power of Love.

The theme to Back to the Future.

It was hilarious and awesome.

I had a lot of fun at the reception. I wore a new pretty red dress from Cache, and loved dancing to Mustang Sally and Old Time Rock 'n' Roll while balancing on my new heels, not wanting to take a spill like another relative did. My mom took a candid photo of me dancing, I hope it comes out well.

I got pretty drunk for the first time. Like tipsy-wobbling-my-head-is-crazy drunk. I had two glasses of white wine, and felt dizzy walking around, being coherent enough to know I was drunk. I went to my brother, and I was laughing about how drunk I was, and he was laughing too, thinking I looked crazy. I cooled down with glasses of water, but I got so tipsy and nutty from just two glasses.

By the way, my parents live near Apex in N.C., where the chemical fire happened. My mom wasn't affected, though she could smell the smoke. My dad said he's gonna write to the councilman berating him for nearly killing 17,000 people. My dad, bringing the New York heat down South.
Ok, so this Saturday I'm going to be a bridesmaid for one of my friends; I've never done this before, so is there anything wierd/interesting I should know about? Any tips on being the best damn attendant I can be? (I really do want to make myself worthwhile, as the bride was nice enough to let us pick our own, black dresses!)
llamas, looks like you are already on the path to being a kick ass attendant. Every wedding is different, but the best advice I can give from when I was a maid of honor is this: Just realize that the bride is probably nervous and stressed out, and if she goes a little bridezilla on your ass, don't take it personally. And just be genuinely helpful. You should be fine!

On another note...My bachelorette party is confirmed!!! In three weeks me and my best gals will be having a pleasure party (if you are not familiar, it's a party where a lady comes by and shows us LOTS of different fun sexy toys and lingerie, we play games, and then we can buy stuff)

I'm getting excited, ladies!!!! biggrin.gif
i tried to read through *most* of the 8 pages on this thread so i do apologize for being redundant (in advance). i'm getting married next october. it's not going to be your usual wedding i do have to admit. why do you ask? well, because it's me and my fiance. i proposed to him. i went and picked out my engagement ring. yadda, yadda, yadda. we've picked out the colors: red, black, white and fuschia (as an accent color)...the dress i want is red and white, my MOH is wearing red and my brides maids are wearing black. each girl gets to pick out the dress of her choice. whatever she wants. we have a limited budget, my dad is contributing $4000 and we are going to pay the rest. we want a friday evening wedding and i was wondering if any of you have any suggestions, advice, words of wisdom on how to keep the cost down. my friend christy, who is one of the brides maids, suggested i serve gourmet appetizers, you know tons of finger foods because we want to get married around 7:30 pm and it might a little late for dinner. any thoughts?
7 fucking days.
I dont even have my favors finished. I have so much to do and I have to be at work.


wendeola, that doesnt sound that different to me. Thats how modern weddings are going nowadays. I suggest just serving dessert. If you're not having it catered, I suggest your local bulk store, ala "Costco" or such, and select several different types and have them served up buffet style on cute little red or black plates.
Hope you have a cracking day, PnP!
PnP, yeah, tell us about it when you are back!

yesterday, matt's step mom emailed me to request that i ask the bridal party and family members to refrain from wearing perfumes, colognes, or scented anything during the rehearsal and wedding day. she says that she has severe allergies and asthma. she requested politely.

i've never met matt's stepmom, nor his dad. they haven't seen matt for 5 years. they just had two babies. we were even surprised to hear that the stepmom is coming- we thought just his dad would fly out. stepmom is of course, invited and totally welcome.

what do i do? i do not want to refrain from using a lush massage bar or a bpal oil during my wedding weekend. i mean, i love that stuff, and have already started dreaming up combinations. wearing those scents help me feel confident, calm, whatever, dependent on the combo.

i asked matt what to do. he said to ask his sister. she said she thinks the stepmom embellishes her allergy problem to a large degree.

how do i have what i want for my wedding day, and still keep the peace?
Pinkmartyr, I don't think you can, or should, take responsibility for everyone being unscented during the wedding and rehearsal. Because of this, you could argue it's out of your hands: you can't be expected to make such a request and then go around sniffing people to make sure they're unscented. Short answer: say you're sorry but you can't guarantee the events will be scent-free... because in all honesty, you can't.

/diplomacy. I think she's being too demanding, personally. I am sorry if she has these allergies but surely she has to negotiate a world full of perfume every day.

If it were just you being asked to give up perfume or bath stuff, and she was very close to you and the allergies were genuine I would say make the effort. But everyone? No way. Which is cool, because it gets you off the hook. Good luck!
I think it would be nearly impossible to ask that everyone at the wedding not to wear any fragrance. You can't be responsible for other people's choice to wear perfume or whatever. And it sounds like you and your fiancee aren't very close to her, so you probably wouldn't be near her very much anyway- I guess it would depend on how big the wedding is, but if it's at all sizable, you'll probably have a couple of pictures with her and spend a littlie time with her at the reception. I can sympathize people's fragrance sensitivities- I can't walk down the laundry detergent aisle at the grocery store, I've had sneezing fits because a co-worker had a really strong hand lotion, etc., but I don't ask the store to stop selling the detergents and I never said anything to my co-worker. Maybe I should have, but I guess if it's not one fragrance it's another- you just can't get rid of all of them and you can't expect people to bend over backwards for you.
PnP checked in over in Kvetch Up. Sounds like she had a great time!

Some fragrances make me sneeze or give me terrible migraines. I have not been diagnosed with any sort of allergy, but I can certainly understand how people can be sensitive to such scents. It is rare that someone else's scent bothers me, but I am particular about what I put on my own body.

I say there's no harm in at least asking the bridal party to take it easy on the fragrances. But if the step-mom wanted a fragrance-free wedding, then her expectations are unreasonable. Even well-intensioned members of the bridal party may forget amidst all the hubub of the wedding day. So I say give the bridal party a heads-up. They're your closest friends & family, afterall, so they're more likely to be sympathetic to the story. But also remind the step-mom that some things are out of your control, so she better bring her allergy meds in her purse.

As for you ... well, I personally find the powdery scents to be the worst. Maybe you can ask the sister if she knows which scents affect the step-mom the worst. There's a good chance that some of your favorite scent combos will be safer than others.
Pink, I have massive allergies. In fact, I have one allergy that is so aweful, but there is nothing I can do about the world around me...I am allergic to pine! Can you imagine Christmas for me?

What I have finally come to the conclusion is this, it is far easier for me to medicate myself, or get myself out of a particular area than to ask EVERYONE else to cater to my allergy. In fact, I think it's quite rude to even ask that of you.

So, yeah, I second everyone else's claim that it would be quite impossible for you to ask that of your wedding party. Now, if your stepmom-in-law has a party of her own, then she can make demands. But not now, and not for you.

(just my $.02)

thanks, ladies!

i am going to contact her now with the following:
-sympathize with her and thank her for letting me know about her needs.
-state that by word of mouth, i will share with the wedding party and family that there is a family member who has allergies and asthma, and suggest that they limit their use of fragrance during the wedding festivities.
-ask her if she is sensitive to flowers, because we have planned to have a corsage for her, and let her know that we will be using fresh flowers for the wedding. she may want to forgo the corsage.
- reiterate that it will be a choice of the guests, so she may encounter people who are wearing scented products at their own discretion.
-i am not going to say anything to other people until right before the wedding, because i'm still not certain that she'll actually come.

i appreciate your help!
We did it! Our wedding was this past saturday! Woohoo!!!!!

It was great and although I thought I had everything planned to the T, the majority of the event was by the seat of everyone's pants.

congrats, em!

I have no news on the personal front to report, but I thought today's Dear Abby might be of interest to brides out there:

Dear Abby: I could only sympathize after reading the letter from "Tired in Kentucky," the mother of the bride who was having trouble with the RSVPs.
At my daughter's wedding we had the same problem. In the end, we had 14 no-shows out of a planned attendance of 79, which at $57 a head for dinner, drinks, champagne toast and appetizers was a lot of money spent for nothing.
I was particularly offended because some of their excuses were poor -- for example, they decided at the last minute to do something better. People apparently don't realize that you have to give a number to the caterer at least a week ahead. You then need to pay for that number of guests whether they show up or not.
I think I have found the answer, though: My next catered party, I'm going to call a week ahead, and if they don't know if they're coming or not, I'm telling them I'll take that as a no. I have learned that the minute you take something away, they want it. Maybe I can train my guests this way. If not, I'll eliminate them from future guest lists.

-- Mary in Eugene, Ore.

Dear Mary: That letter touched a nerve with a lot of readers. It appears that a large segment of the population either never learned good manners or has chosen to ignore them. Your solution to the problem is a clever one. Read on for some other solutions to the RSVP problem:

Dear Abby: We attended a wedding where the name of each guest who had responded by the given date was put on a list.
After the ceremony, there was a closed reception in an upscale ballroom. The doorman had a final list -- and the guests had to sign in before entering the room. If you weren't on the list, you didn't attend the reception.
The doorman was the person giving out the bad news. You couldn't even see the bride and groom. It was done very politely and respectfully to those who had to be turned away, but it was clear that they weren't allowed to enter because they had failed to respond by the date.
I thought it was a nice way to handle the situation. The bride and groom weren't put on the spot, and weren't blindsided by an "overcount" of people showing up to eat.

-- Melinda in Georgia

Dear Abby: Here's my solution. It serves me well and always works.
I send out invitations for the occasion with the date -- but not the time. For a wedding, I would give the date and time, but not the location, and add the word "only" on the invitations to those who are not encouraged to bring a guest. I also note, "We'll miss you if you cannot RSVP by ( )." To anyone too busy to call within the two weeks I give them, we extend our sincere and heartfelt regrets if they do call late.

This may seem a bit harsh, I know, but it is done with a bit of humor, and no one to date has fussed.

Thanks, Abby. I have learned so much from you and your readers!

-- Shalimar in Santa Rosa, Calif.

Dear Shalimar: How sweet! So have I.

Hmm, I kinda like the idea of the the last one, leaving out some key information so that people who don't RSVP can't show up unexpectedly. The only problem is that some people won't really read the details of the invitation until the day before or the day of, and then they'd have to try to get a hold of the MOB (or whoever's handling the RSVPs)? I guess you'd have to not have an RSVP card, so they'd be forced to call her earlier than the day before/of. I like the idea of the doorman, but I think it would cause some hurt feelings afterwards. At least with the other trick, it's a little more passive. I dunno, I think I'd just call people a couple weeks before who haven't replied. Of course, keeping a small guest list to begin with makes the chances of any of these issues happening a lot smaller, too.
Belated congrats to you, Em! Sorry I didn't see your post earlier. Give us some details! smile.gif

Very interesting post, Polly. Since we had a very small ceremony, we didn't have those problems. But a friend of mine had a TON of no-shows for her wedding. Luckily they didn't have a sit-down meal, but there was a lot of left-over food and she was very hurt because she had really gone out of her way to accomodate some of those no-shows. I have no clue how to handle that situation.

A wedding invitation that leaves off information sounds pretty useless to me. I mean, how am I supposed to give a proper RSVP if I don't know when or where the ceremony will take place? I think the idea of using a doorman sounds reasonable (although potentially expensive). But when you've planned a formal dinner for the reception, somebody has to tell the unexpected guests that there isn't enough food to feed them, too. Might as well take that stress off of the wedding party (They're stressed enough already!).
I need to bitch for a bit because I am having a shit time with the planning. I wanted to send out save the date cards in lieu of xmas cards even though according to the knot etc it's too early- it's in mid-October next year. Still given that we are getting married in Scotland and all family members and many friends will be invited from North America I thought it would be decent of us to give them lots of notice so they can save up, look for cheap airfares, get limited vacation time sorted etc. Plus i really cannot be arsed writing xmas cards, so it's a two birds with one stone deal.

Therefore I called the hall we've booked for the ceilidh to confirm as I've heard the woman there is a bit of a flake and doesn't always write down everything in the book. The good news is that we are written down and confirmed-ish, but the extremely bad news is that the Father who runs the church the hall is affiliated with has left the parish, there are not enough priests now, and the bishop might shut the whole place down around next June. So the lady strongly suggested that I find a backup venue. Unfortunately I can't find any others that are not in posh hotels which we don't want and can't afford anyway. Meanwhile the band wants a deposit and I need desperately to find a local plan B that does not seem to exist. Since we picked the date based on when this hall was available I no longer want to send out save the date cards until I am sure these dates are actually ok. Yippee.

Second reasonably major problem is that the restaurant we'd booked for the post-ceremony dinner (the ceilidh is on the next night) is a pretty small place and they have an absolute max of 38 people. Originally we figured we'd be in the 30-35 range so no probs, it'll be nice and intimate, but in the past few weeks we have discovered that a lot of people we were going to send courtesy invites to actually really want to come and are going to seriously try to make it. While this is great, we'd love to have them, we are perilously close to 38 if not over (although of course we won't know for sure until much closer to the time) and I feel a strong need to find a backup dinner venue as well. And I can't find anything that's not sterile and corporate generic Wedding-y that can accommodate 40-50 people and this whole thing is really pissing me off.

Too many freaking decisions and necessary backup plans and I haven't even started looking for a dress (plan to wait until after xmas for my own sanity) and all the other nonsense... plus the saving for the wedding thing is SO not going well and people keep telling me this is supposed to be fun and it's all just crap.

So I guess I need to write a heartfelt plea to the bishop (!) and ask the band for other venue recommendations and just carry on and the save the date cards get sent when they get sent. Calm blue water etc. At least the venue for the ceremony (the local observatory) seems ok and sorted and everyone thinks it is a marvellous idea to get hitched there.
Bumping again!

Fina, did you get anything worked out?

I decided that I'm not so into the diamond ring thing, at least not as the main stone, so, I've been looking around online for either a green tourmaline stone or aquamarine.

I found this interesting article about people going for less expensive rings with alternative stones, or forgoing a ring altogether. Did anyone see that study a few months back where the majority of women in the study said they'd rather spend the money on a plasma TV than an engagement ring? Hee hee. Anyway, I loved this quote in the article:

"When Jordan Corbin and David Wentworth got engaged, he proposed to her with a mother-of-pearl ring that cost about $20. Corbin loved that it was an atypical engagement ring and named it her “magic ring.”

Buying a diamond engagement ring "is what a guy does when he has no imagination and is afraid you’re not going to love him,” she said."
polly, I didn't want an engagement ring at all, and definitely not a diamond - ever. I've never liked them, then there's the political side of diamonds, and most importantly, I am not the most cautious person, and a bit clumsy, and I felt that any stone on a ring on my hand would be in grave peril! tongue.gif

But turbomann didn't want to propose to me empty-handed, so he stopped at service merchandise and got me a plain white gold band for about $40, and he was fine if I didn't want to wear it at all. Our wedding bands are plain platinum bands, which I love, because when you polish platinum, you don't lose any metal at all...and I need to have our bands polished alot!
that is such an interesting article! i love hearing the stories about people's rings/engagement rings or lack thereof.
i did not want a diamond for my engagement ring and my fiance knew that (and he felt the same way). he proposed without a ring, and then we went to the computer to start looking at rings. we looked at both traditional and nontraditional rings and really liked a little solitaire ring and decided to replace the diamond with another stone. it came down to either an emerald, ruby or a sapphire and we finally went with a small ruby. we also did some revamping of the design and had it custom made. i love it, and i think it's quite unique.
this is personal, but i don't like the idea of wearing an expensive piece of jewellery (i'd be waaaay to scared to lose it). as well, we're thinking of buying our first home and maybe starting a family in the near future - i'd much rather see money go into those sorts of things than a ring. to me that's practical for us in our situation.
almost nine months until our wedding.
i just registered for our premarriage course (through our church, which we have to participate in in order to get married in the church). dry.gif at least it's just an evening and one day thing.

fina, how are your plans coming along?
Fina... what a nighmare... any good news? I don't think it's too early to send the save the date cards... I for one have to plan my key events a year in advance so that I can be sure not to sign up for races those weekends (yes I would pick the wedding over the race but I'd hate to waste the money on a race I couldn't do).

I'm new to the whole planning thing. I've been engaged for a week and a bit now. My 0.02 on the ring thing. I got a diamond solitaire in white gold from Triboy. Simple and elegant which is the style I like for everything. He had it custom designed. I love it. His mom sent him a pair of diamond rings which each had a few diamonds in them to trade in. The designer also traded him gold for gold and so he was able to get a custom designed ring and a bigger stone for pretty much nothing out of his pocket. He really wanted to get me a big stone so he was pretty pleased with himself. And having spent not too much on it means we have more to spend on our new bikes for next year. As for the ring, I don't know how much I will wear it after we're married since I have a job that I do a lot of lab work wearing gloves. And I can't wear it when racing. Maybe just for occasions... I'm now looking for one for him to wear (he really wants one too). He really likes the titanium bands and since it's only for a year and it probably won't have to be refitted that's what I'm going to get him. If anything he wants a ring on his finger more then I do. It's kind of funny though. We both knew about how it's a commercial thing invented by De Beers. And we laugh about it and how much expection is built up around The Ring. When it comes down to it, I'd be happy with whatever he choose to symbolize "us" with. He went out and designed something he liked the look of, that he thought I'd love and that he wanted me to have. I think also he wanted something that one day we can hand to our child to turn into something for their partner like his mom did for him. Anyhow. Enough rambling.

I'm torn on the actual wedding. Part of me wants something simple and easy and rather cheap but the other part wants the white dress (which his mom said she'd make) and the flowers and the dinner with my friends and family and the dancing.

We have made a few decisions though! And stupid ones at that. The groomsmen will wear pink speed laces (a triathlete thing... yeah we're dorks) and we are organizing a triathlon (with the help of a race director friend) in our honour for our tri club and interested friends with a BBQ to celebrate with our teammates (we can't invite them all to the wedding itself unfortunately). I would love to do the big day as a triathlon but it's not very inclusive. And we do have to have a second reception in Triboy's home town but again with the MIL to be to the rescue: she's going to plan that one with my input on the key things. And even better I think she's picking up a big chunk of the cost.
I wrote a huge update-y post last night but then lost it and couldn't be arsed rewriting it. Anyway, yes, we have some progress, I found another hall that is actually nicer than the first one and not too much more to hire. So now we have two halls booked so at least one should work out. I have also booked a guy to do the bar and possible catering for the second hall. The deposit for the band has been paid. So the ceilidh is ON!

Still looking for another restaurant that can accommodate 40-50 people if god forbid we get that many... I have a few ideas but all involve hiring a bus to get people to a neat place out of town. It's either that or a corporate, generic Wedding Package Dinner at a nice hotel. I still have the original restaurant booked and am sort of just hoping that we can end up with 38 or less. I am also hoping that when we send out save the date cards we will start to hear from people who are definitely coming and then in a few months will get a firmer idea of numbers.

So I bought the postcards for the save the date cards and will take them to the printers to overprint our words (this is so cheap too!) when we figure out the text, aiming for early January as I'm sure the printers will be closed over the holidays, and even if they're not I don't want to give them more work to do next week.

Re rings, I didn't want one, not that I don't like shiny things but I know if I have to wear two rings on the same finger I'll be petrified of losing one and not realizing and so I'll be checking constantly that they're both still there and that will not be fun. Having already lost my previous wedding ring the last time I was married (fortunately just when we were breaking up, but still, it sucked to lose it) I know that I just do not want this to worry about. So just the one ring for me, probably with an emerald or a blue sapphire instead of a diamond both for cost and ethical reasons (although to be fair, the mining of all gemstones is probably full of ethical unpleasantness I just don't know about). I know the design I want and we plan to go to the goldsmith down the road for a chat in January.

Friends of ours who are very outdoorsy went in together for an engagement canoe instead of a ring which I always thought was an absolutely fantastic idea.

RW, I adore your idea of the wedding triathlon, but yeah, most people would flip out. There are a couple of races I want to do the two weeks before the wedding and I'm wondering if it's a good idea or not.

Any dress made for you by someone you trust is awesome!
Fina, I'm so glad things are working out for you. I've kept you in my thoughts.

as for Save the Dates- we mailed ours on Monday. We sent photo magnets from Magnet Queen ($160 for 125 magnets, sleeves, and envelopes after a 50% off coupon that they offer quite frequently) People are starting to receive them, and everyone is thrilled. We included hotel info for everyone. Some folks who are local are even talking about getting a room for the night. Family has emailed/called to say how much they like the photo, and that they are definitely planning to come.

My mom is acting crazy, but that's another thread. She is just criticizing every wedding choice we've made. Has anyone read the book "Emotionally Engaged"? Its about all the changes women go through at the most personal levels while transitioning from single girl to married person, and has an interesting chapter about family relationship problems during the wedding planning. My library had the book.

One of the things we shared with the save the date magnets is our website address!
There are pictures and stuff on there. The picture on the first page in the left corner is the one we used for the magnet. Matt did the webpage himself, and I think he did a good job.
Pinkmartyr, I love your website! And I'm so glad to find someone who has ordered from MagnetQueen - I wanted to order save the date magnets from them but wasn't sure - you just can't always tell which web businesses are okay and which are fishy.

Family does get crazy with the wedding stuff. My mom is very anti-"big wedding" so what we are planning is a little overwhelming to her but she has been pretty good about it so far. I am trying to find ways to include her that won't stress her out but it isn't easy.
Well we made a discision on what we want to do. I met his family (aunts uncles etc) this week and it was totally overwelming and they all wanted to come out to Vancouver and I just paniced. I realized that I didn't want some of my family there (specifically one aunt and one cousin because they ruin EVERY family thing or event they attend) and there were some of his family that just rubbed me wrong and I started seriously considering what I wanted. And that was a small run away type thing. And I know my parents would not be happy to go anywhere and they don't want the big wedding. They want a civil ceremony and a cake at their house and that's not what I want. So I thought I could combine the two: small wedding of 30 immedient family and close friends at a resort type town not too far from my parents. We'll have a reception at both home towns for the families and other friends. And now everyone is pissed off about it. And there's a few close family who are more like friends then cousins that I want to invite but that'll piss off the other cousins and family and Triboy wants one set of aunt and uncle but can't without risking other people being extremely upset. Have any of you done the small wedding with select people wnad a larger brunch or something for the rest? How did you handle everyone being (for a lack of a better word) bitchy and not respecting your wishes? I've been engaged less than a month and I'm already stressed and upset at peoples reaction to our plans. If anyone is going to be selfish about it it'll be us! It's our wedding, it's our day, and this is not an excuse to take a vacation to BC! That last one is exactly how I feel about everyone being so whiney about not being invited to the ceremony itself.
runningwestward: i think that you should absolutely do the small wedding thing. you can still have the dress you said you wanted, and wear it not only to the wedding, but to both receptions. things would be simpler all around, though, if you could have your small wedding, then just one reception for both families. it sounds like your families live far from one another, however, so that may not be possible. as for the guest list, you and your boy should decide firmly what its going to be, and invite evenly all around. for example, grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, first cousins and best friends, if you can do that. if thats too many people, maybe grandparents, parents,aunts, uncles. it all depends on the dynamics of your family. i, too, have family members that i am afraid will ruin my day, namely, my mom and his mom. but we can't *not* invite them. we are, however, asking other family members who share our dissapointment at the way our moms choose to behave at times to keep an eye on them and diffuse any potentially terrible situations. remember- the way people react to your plans is not important. its important that you and your boy are doing something you find meaningful. you're the ones who are going to live with it.

marileen: thanks for looking at our site! we were really happy with our magnets.

we have a few days over 3 months to go. my sister-in-law florist is just too unreliable so i'm going to hire someone. this month we are also registering, having our invites printed, and planning our ceremony with the minister.
Hey ladies, I have a quick question for you all......I'm a bridesmaid for my friend's wedding. She is really low key about it, details aren't that important to her or anything. Her mom, on the other hand, is overboard. The wedding is on the East Coast, my friend lives on the West Coast, and unfortunately, I live the closest to her mom and the wedding site. The mom is going bananas over details I know my friend doesn't care about...I get like 2-4 emails from the mom every day about details for the shower. She even wants me to drive down to the shower site to look at it before the shower even actually happens....I live closest but not close. Its still over an hour each way.

I offered to create the invitations for the shower because I went to school for graphic design! I think I'd be pretty good at it. But now the mom is sending me all these ideas for them, and they are all super ugly. I'm getting super frustrated already, and the wedding isn't even until June. The mom is offering to pay for the invitations, so should I just design something she would like, even if it's ugly and no reflection of my friend (of my design skills)? I know it's not a really big deal but I just see this as escalating closer to the wedding and I don't really know what to do.....

I like your website too, Pinkmartyr.
Hey Gumby, don't give in and design ugly invites! It will always bug you! Can you run your own shower invite ideas past your friend or is the shower meant to be a surprise? Maybe you can tell her mum that you need to design classy ones as they will go in your portfolio? Tactfully of course! Or maybe try the angle that you really want to make something that reflects what your friend is about, or her tastes, or similar.

It really sucks that the mum will probably try to suck you in about more and more details though. Does she not get that her daughter doesn't care about that shit?

Our save the dates are at the printers. Sadly they cannot overprint the silver/gold I wanted on the front of the postcards so I think I might get a silver or gold glitter pen and just write "SAVE THE DATE" and the date on the front of them myself. I am getting a few extra printed so if I mess up a few that'll be ok.

Meanwhile I have finally organized the Wedding Spreadsheet and the Address List and we are chasing down addresses we don't have. fun fun fun...

LOVE the magnets idea, Pink!

How are the planning hassles going RW? So frustrating that people want to tell you what to do. I think your plans sound great in that you get what you want but are still trying to accommodate others with the receptions in each home town.

Our deciding to get hitched in Scotland was definitely in part avoidance at trying to sort out would we do it in BC or Ontario!
Beauty & her Bass
I am in a mad hunt for a red and white wedding dress. I've searched all over the internet and keep coming up with the same few ones...a little red in the trim or a red train. I'm looking for more. Any ideas? I also don't have thousands of dollars to spend to have someone make up my ideas from scratch. Ugh! Why can't the prefect dress just fall into your lap?!
So I ended up designing the invitation the way I wanted it and sent a sample to my friend's mom, who called them "different and unusual", but pffft, I don't care, I wasn't gonna make something stoopid with a picture of presents on it or anything. They'll still come out looking great, from my perspective anyway.

Beauty and her Bass, have you looked at Red bridesmaid dresses with white accent thingys instead of wedding dresses with red accents? Maybe you would find something there...?
Good job, Gumby! Much better to design something you can be proud of! or at the very least, not embarrased to admit you made it.

Sorry Beauty, I haven't started looking for dresses yet.

My save the date cards have been at the printers for over two weeks... I've had to see a couple of revised proofs before I could approve them today and hopefully next week they'll actually get printed. Stupid, very stupid, but not a big deal in the great scheme of things.
hey guys i was wondering if any of you could help me. im getting married this year and we havent started planning it yet. i know weddings are very personal but i havent had much luck finding recorces for the type of wedding i want.

both me and my boy are nonreligious, kind of indie type people. we wanted to have a wedding outside, very non tradtional and small. im also very earth conceiencious and vegan. all the things i have found are either for very excentric pagan weddings or traditional white dress, priest blah blah blah stuff. thats just not us.

i am open to suggestions for sites, books etc. honestly im not the girl that has ever even fantisized about a "perfect wedding" all i want is for my family and friends to get together to see us get married and celebrate.
Hi ladies...I know I've been bitching about this before, but I just came in to rant. The mother of the bride in my friend's wedding (where I am the bridesmaid) is so involved in every aspect of the wedding, it's not fun anymore. Or maybe I'm just out of the loop--Do mother of the brides typically go to the bachelorette party? Do they choose where the bachelorette party is?

I feel bad because she's just excited and wants to be involved but I've only made a single choice related to this wedding---the shower cards design, which she didn't even like. And she is hosting the shower too! At first I thought it was nice because of all her work and decision making I didn't have to do anything, but now it seems like I have a lot of work and it's not even things I would have done if she hadn't wanted me to.
i hate that... weddings can be so much fun, but alot of times someone feels the need to live vicariously through someone else's day... it's a big part of why I want a ridiculously SMALL wedding. I've seen a lot of too hands-on mothers (my aunts, esp.) marrying off their daughters in the way they would have liked to do it...
Bustie brides: a co-worker told me about this wedding gift list where guests can give towards your honeymoon. I think it's a great idea. This is for the Uk only I think (fina) but I'm sure there are equivalents.
No more lurking here for me!
I'm engaged!


My wedding is in two months...and...counting...

the stress is finally approaching! wah.
CONGRATS GUMBY!!! That is so much fun! You must be so excited!
eee, thanks laurenann!

it's still at the fun stage when we haven't made any plans, so there's no stress! yay!

we want to get it over with soon, though. hopefully before it gets cold again up here.
So - the boy Im with, we live together and everything is great. We go together soooo well. Have the same aspirations in life and everything.
Sometimes when I see him I feel like all is good in the world and I want nothing more than to wake up next to him every single day of my life.

HOWEVER. Some days I wake up and think 'wtf am I doing?'
I have almost like a phobia of never being to have random sex again.

He has mentioned he plans on engagement in a couple months and is ring shopping and all that. And when hes says these things Im so happy and excited.

But my nagging questions to you ladies is (I assume you can answer as, many of you are getting married)

Is this normal? Do you guys have that too? Some days youre gungho wedding queen and some days you are scared shitless?
Do you ever question if what youre doing is right?

Any time I ask anyone whos opinons I value (family) it seems like they are all sort of Stepford Wife responses like "no, i never ever thought of that. I was only EVER happy about my choice. I love him every single day and if you ever doubt it, you arent ready for marriage...."

So, now Im asking the opnions of girls who seem to be just like me.

Im freaking out a little about the soon-ness of an impending engagement. Are these fears completely normal? How did you cope with them?

Side info if its needed - hes 27, im 23, both art school graduates, both have good regular jobs, etc.
Hi Daisyjane, I love the picture of the kittycat face as your avatar.

I think the "WTF am I doing here with you?" feeling is normal and it would be MORE weird if you didn't have it sometimes. Relationships aren't static - sometimes you are exactly where you want to be and other times you feel like you want out! Sometimes I feel both at different times in the same day. I've been with my fiance since I was 23 and I'm 34 now. We got engaged last fall after being together for ten years and living together for almost six. And it was still a weird, crazy, exhilarating, slightly scary feeling to get engaged. It is a big deal! And I find it feels different from being just boyfriend/girlfriend - we are already more committed to each other than we were.

You have to really look into your heart to know how you feel about this. When you think about it seriously, and not in just a "wouldn't it be fun to be single and flirt and have one night stands" kind of way, would you really want to be out there again and eventually have to start over with someone else? Do you feel like your relationship in general continues to grow and get better?

My fiance and I have gone through some pretty hard times together - the death of his dad, unemployment, depression for both of us, etc. as well as good times and there were times I think I would have given up and gotten out if I had had the opportunity right there in those moments. But I never REALLY wanted to leave - I just wanted things to get better! He's my best friend and I would never want to give that up. And that has always been the underlying thing. The thought of actually beginning a relationship again with someone else and going through all of that to get close to someone always seemed just awful. And once we got past the hard times, our relationship was stronger. It is definitely different than it was years ago, but in many ways it is so much better. It doesn't have that "thrill of the unknown" that you have when you first get together, but it is always changing and there are still surprises and there is a closeness you can't get in a new relationship.

You are still pretty young so the single life is probably still the norm amongst a lot of people you know, and is still sort of recent history for you, so it is normal to think about going back to it sometimes. But if you are finding it is overwhelmingly appealing to you and you think about it a lot, that is telling you something. Either you aren't with the right person or else engagement followed by marriage is just too big of a step and you just aren't ready. But if most of the time you are excited and happy and really don't want to be anywhere else and thinking about it is a good kind of scary, maybe you should get engaged! And there's nothing wrong with a long engagement - that gives you more time to get used to the idea of marriage and you can just enjoy being an engaged person for a while with no pressure.
Daisy, Marileen is a smart lady. I agree with her. I've only been engaged like 5 weeks but have definately felt like our relationship has never been better. I really does bring it to a new level. When my boyfriend was first talking about looking at rings, it really scared me shitless. I just didn't know what feeling ready felt like. But his commitment really helped me to feel more committed.
I would take it as a sign though, if you are feeling more anxiety than excitement. If you are really aware of your feelings, I think they will help you figure out what you really want. It will probably make you feel a little better if you could talk with your boyfriend about how you are boyfriend when we were ring shopping wasn't all gung-ho and excited...he had some questions too. We have a pretty open relationship so were able to talk about it. Do you think that's something you would want to do with you boyfriend?
Can you go to therapy? By yourself or together? We have been going together for 2 years and it's done wonders for our relationship.
marileen, i hear ya when you say: "But I never REALLY wanted to leave - I just wanted things to get better!"

i was in a relationship for 9 years that i finally had to get outta, and now that i'm out, i see that difference, that he was someone with who i didn't want our relationship to improve.

now i've been dating someone for over a year, and i think we're on the marriage track - we're both 31, have good and steady jobs, and want to have kids - and i'm excited about the idea of engagement. although he's wonderful, everything's not perfect of course, but we can and i want to work on how to improve rather than flee.

okay, so i'm glad we're talking impending weddings too..... did you all know he was ring shopping? did you choose your engagement rings? i'm not a huge fan of diamonds, and i want something untraditional, which mr.nick is aware of and cool with, but i'm afraid it might not be exactly what i like. and it's something that will be a family heirloom, so i kinda want it to be cool. yeah, i'm picky, about jewelry as well as men.
Hi Gumby and Nickclick!

I knew my fiance was starting to look at rings because he'd started to ask me questions about it and he had a diamond buying brochure lying next to his computer. I'd shown him what I wanted a long time before, because I'm into jewelry and sort of picky myself, and I also have some metal allergies, so I knew I'd have to talk to him about it sooner or later regardless so I'd get something I liked and wasn't going to be allergic to. I showed him online pictures of types of things I liked (antique style) and we talked about it in a hypothetical way and pretty much liked the same things. I was open to non-diamond rings (either a synthetic diamond or maybe a different gemstone) but he really wanted to get me a diamond, so I said okay. He also insisted on being the one to propose to me and not vice versa. So I knew it was coming sooner or later, but I figured it would be at least a few months more, like maybe at Christmas, so when it happened in mid-September it was really a nice surprise. My fiance has pretty good taste, so I knew he'd do good and I really, really love my ring and it even looks good on my big old hand! It is a little bit different than what I would have chosen for myself, but in many ways I think it is better. He found a really good online seller so he didn't even pay too much for it, so that made me feel better, too, because I didn't want some overly expensive ring that would make me feel weird to wear it.

I'd recommend looking at lots of rings online to see what appeals to you and what doesn't. Maybe even go to some jewelry stores on your own and try stuff on to see what looks good on your hand and what you like. Then you can give him some pictures or descriptions of stuff you like in a very general way - like "a princess cut ruby in a white gold setting" or whatever it is you like as well as your ring size. You can tell him in a "if you ever want to do this, this is what I'd like" kind of way. I know there are websites out there that sell wedding jewelry made of recycled materials (a friend got a really nice wedding band from one place) if you are interested in having jewelry that is "green." I love antique styles, so when I was initially trying to figure out what I liked, I would drool over the Fay Cullen website on a regular basis just because it is fun to look at.

Gumby, have you started planning your wedding yet?
It's funny, I trust my fiancee with a lot of things but just didn't trust him to pick the we went together. And it was a lot of fun, a really cool bonding experience. I went it initally thinking I wanted something really weird and unusual but it turns out I got a yellow gold diamond ring, and what made the ultimate choice for us was trying them on in person. We also got a good sense of the people we were buying them from we normally dress kind of slobby and some people while we were shopping would not act very friendly when we were in their store. The place we bought our ring from was a place we were initally suspicious about because it's in a huge posh hotel, but the owner was really friendly and not pushy and he made and designed the ring himself. It was really special for us to go together because we ended up loving the exact same ring, which we both weren't expecting.

I've only been engaged for a month so far, so we are still looking at venues. We are planning to have it really soon, like August or September just because our grandparents aren't getting any younger or healthier. At first le boy and I were like, "yea, it doesn't matter, we're flexible, no big deal, etc etc" but now that we are looking at venues, we are getting pickier and pickier. Like if we really didn't care we would have it at the VFW but instead we are looking at farms and barns and stuff.

Marileen, do you have a date set? Have you started planning yet?
whoa, a wedding on a farm in september, that sounds awesome. congrats!

thanks for the tips girls. funny that we're both in the stage where we still talk about marriage and kids in the abstract, as if neither of us wants to be the first to break that unspoken barrier. i'm pretty sure he's in it for the long haul, and wouldn't be with me if he didn't think the same of me, but the subject hasn't been fully developed quite yet.

his brother is getting married this fall, so that's been a good excuse to talk about who we'd invite to our wedding, in the abstract of course, so it'd be a good way to talk about a ring too of course.
Nickclick, I remember those "abstract" conversations all too well! I think that is often how it all starts!

Gumby, I like your farm idea. That sounds really neat. That is coming up really soon, but if you keep things relatively simple it should all come together.

My wedding is in late September and we are doing the full on wedding - about 175-200 people with the church ceremony and big reception in a hotel venue. The wedding industrial complex is expensive and complicated because things book up really early and take a long time, so by necessity I've already gotten a lot of things done. We got our venues first (a hard process because a lot of places were already booked for our preferred time frame of Sept/Oct. even though it was over 11 months in advance) and then booked our photographer and florist pretty quickly after that. Those were the easiest because I had referrals on them from my mom and a coworker and I'm really happy because they are awesome. I felt a lot of pressure to find my dress because you usually have to order them a long time in advance - I ordered mine in late January and it is expected to come in in mid-June. My bridesmaids' dresses just got ordered last week and will be in in late July. Next on the agenda are invites (we're going to make them ourselves) and dealing with alterations stuff and finding shoes when my dress comes in and some other little things. I'm pretty much doing stuff with it all the time - it is kind of like a second job in some ways, but I really like it most of the time and I try to enjoy the process.
We went to my cousins wedding on easter weekend (a 14 hour drive) and all during the ceremony and reception, Mr.D was talking about what he wanted ay his wedding.

He said we could probably train Dexter to ride Oliver (our two cats) down the aisle, instead of a photographer have a courtroom sketcher, dress the ring bearer up like a table so it looks like a moving table (??), a characture artist, and the bride and groom to bust out of a paper wall.

There were more that I cant think of right now...
hehe, Daisy I really really like the idea of the bride and groom busting out of a paper wall...hmmm.

Our totally obscure wedding theme is "1920's mexican carnival". we don't have a budget yet so my dreams are high that we find a cotton candy machine and some carnival games like ring toss and stuff. and in inflatable jumpy thing. and a DIY photo booth.

marileen your wedding sounds pretty intense!!! it must be nice to have the big stuff out of the way. my friend is getting married in a month and she said out of her guest list of 230, she only knows 175 of them. crazy, huh? how long have you been engaged for? you must be so excited smile.gif

I got this book that i am highly recommending and you probably have already heard of called "bridget bargains 8th edition" which makes me feel really optimistic that even though we hardly have any money we can somehow still pull off what we like.
Whee! This thread is getting some action and it is making me want to get married so bad! But my boyfriend spends all of his money on video games, weed, and camping gear, so I doubt he is saving up for a ring any time soon. And my reasons for wanting to get married - fun party and a pretty dress - are immature anyway. We'll probably do it in two or three years, and dating for six or seven years before tying the knot seems like the norm.

Gumby, my friend is having a photo booth at her wedding. She said it was really expensive and they had to cut back on other things, but it'll be really fun and totally worth it. It's set up to print two copies of each photo strip, so they have one and the guests keep another. The fancy food or flowers or whatever that they cut would have been eaten or died, but the silly photo booth pictures will be around forever!

Eek, I gotta go to work...
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