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let's break this new forum in already ey?

scary alert:
at the small town library frecklette & I go to, a 17 yr old boy convinced a 12 yr old girl to leave & get in his car. he did bring her back, and I don't know if police were called or what followed, but the girl was reported to be crying and very upset.

I was just starting to get more comfortable about letting her kind of roam-as-needed there too, but geeze!

generally we take her friend w/ us, the whole saftey in #'s kind of thing. I talked to frek about this earlier today and she totally took it serious, I think was even a little scared bc she told me how there was 2 different boys/men looking at them funny yesterday. am going to talk to the girl & her dad about it later, just so they understand how important this is for their saftey.


we're not talking the mall, or wandering around the city alone, a po-dunk 1 room library.

how is everyone?

summer is 1/2 over already & we are slowly assembling for back to school.

oh, and freck & her friend aer hatching
Sea Monkey's today!! I am so psyched, I oughta be a little embarrassed but I just think they are so damn cool.

[color=#FF6600]updates & check ins ?

hugs to all~

today's freak-out involves letting danny take a cab. by himself. for the first time. eva.
only across town. and he's fine with it.
but he has strict orders to call me the minute he gets to his destination.
not sure what i'm worried about more, the cab driver overcharging him (taxis in our neck of the woods are un-metered, they can make anything up for an unsavvy kid), driving like a maniac or .... worse.

of course, the mr thinks i'm insane for worrying. he still thinks it's 1965. back when he and his cousins took mass-transit all over the tri-state area with not a care in the world.

and of course, i feel like Evil Mom that i can't take a mere half an hour to go drive him myself. and if any of the stay-at-home moms/chauffers see him getting out of the cab, he'll be mortified. and tongues will wag.

i think i was in my 20's the first time i took a cab by myself, and that was probably in manhattan.

end/freak-out rant.


I'm sure he's Fine. this is a Big Huge Event though, and think of the sense of accomplishment he'll feel for having done it this first time; and not to mention how much trust it shows you have in him.
way to go [color=#3333FF]Mama Mando
!! [b]woot woot!

[color=#FF6600] my biggest fear would probably be him getting ripped off.
so maybe if he does it again,tell him he can only spend like $10 on it, and to hide the rest of his money where the driver won't see.
- do you haggle w/ drivers where you are? I ask, bc most of my experience w/ taxi's was in panama where you Never accept the first going rate. gawd I don't mean to sound like a dork, but maybe that's somwthing else to learn him? (<eg>)

Danny's Big Adventure, please let us know how it went?

we're proud of both of ya's !!
(((freckle))) thanks for your kind words of support!

Danny's First Eva Solo Cab Ride went without a hitch. the driver was nice enough, and asked him what he wanted to pay. danny told him he doesn't usually take cabs, but the driver still left it up to him. which i don't understand at all. he wound up giving him $6 plus a $1 tip. (for about a 7-minute ride.)

and he actually called me when he got there. thank god.

i made sure i told him i was proud of him. cool.gif

meanwhile, my girlfriend emailed me yesterday that she was worrying about her 13-yr old on a plane at that very moment, flying to FL with his same-age cousin ... by themselves! we had a good laugh about that one. (she & her mr tease me endlessly about how overprotective i am, meanwhile she freaks about things that i don't find worrisome at all. go figure. of course, danny on a plane by himself? i'd need 52 xanax to get thru that one!)

hope everyone is well. off on vackay to visit my sista in VA. see you guys in a week or so!
Hee, mando! My m-i-l keeps nagging me to send tot1 to see her in Hawaii. My b-i-l sent each of his kids when they were 7, so she figures now that tot1 is 7, I'll be sending him. As if! A 7-year-old, BY HIMSELF, on a PLANE to HAWAII?! Not on my watch, lady!
farmgirl & mando,
my mom is after me to send frecklette on the plane by herself, and it's only to tn & she's 12.
no way. maturity wise, not a chance.

I'd tell your m-i-l to fly a kite farmgirl. what kinda crazi is that anyway?
freck, Seriously! As though the plane ride weren't bad enough, when he got there, he'd have to spend time with the meanest, crankiest person I know. My niece talks about the time she went, & how g'ma made her eat outside alone because she was too messy to eat over the WHITE carpet the woman has under the DINING TABLE. **eyeroll**
had to Eat Outside Alone??

talk about messed up!!

I don't think I'd let the kids visit there Period, regardless of the location & the distance.
I'd be waaaaaay more scared about littleb taking a taxi alone than flying in a plane. I mean, for the litte guys, on a plane they do everything but hold their hands the whole way. littleb has flown alone a few times already and will do it again this summer, Montreal to Chicago. The first time was from Europe to the States and he was only six. I was mad as hell that his Dad didn't come with him but after he arrived, safe and cheerful at the airport, I felt a little foolish about all my worries. "What could possibly go wrong?" I thought.
He flew on Sept. 7, 2001.
You can imagine that four days later, in addition to all the other horrible images in my head, was an image of him trapped in Newfoundland alone, not able to get home for several more days.
But you know, even if that had happened, he would have been fine. There were kids travelling alone on those flights, and they were taken good care of.
Of course, littleb flew many times with me before he flew alone.
i'm trying to figure out how to get the small man to my family cottage for the summers. i can't go with him because of work but how can he get there on his own? it might not happen at all because there is no way, no WAY that i will let my child fly alone. just ain't a-gonna happen. i have worked in hospitality for nearly 20 years and let me tell you, those harried flight attendants couldn't care less about someone else's kid, and even if they did they can't possibly be on the look out the whole time. i wouldn't even let him play in the front yard by himself (hey man, i watch oprah). maybe nothing bad would happen but there just isn't any way that i would take that chance. i'm not a nervous nelly either, i have a big family and i am the oldest so i'm pretty relaxed about being adventurous but... i can't see taking chances with my baby. imo he deserves to be looked out for by someone who has a vested interest in his well-being and not some random strangers.
i don't know about a taxi. in my small town it would be fine, i know them all by name. the city however, well, i suppose the dispatcher knows who has what kid in their car and can keep track but, yeek! what stops anyone from being a sicko eh? that's a frightening business.


if I could help you out,I would in a heartbeat.
a summer cottage? I am SO THERE, lol.
hope you find a way to make it work for everyone.

frecklette got her new school schedule in the mail today & is burning up the phone lines calling girlfriends and grandparents. it's too cute really, but making me sad.
7th grade.

how is that possible?

right now it just seems to going much much too fast.

her schedule is : Science- C(comm) Skills (formerly known as english?)- Health/PE- Reading (which is still called just that, instead of say ' interpretive language comprehension')- Homeroom- Soc Studies -Math (plain ole', don't know what that will bring yet as I never went up & raised hell)- and Creative Dramatics.

she is happy & excited, comparing what classes she has w/ her friends and who is on what Team and lunch and when they can all meet in the halls in between etc etc.
really too cute, but I wish she cared as much about her clothes and hair as she did about her friends, but maybe in time? we went today on another Trying On mission, but came up empty, tho did find the last of the mandatory supply list items of a 3 ring binder + a magnatized 1/2 mug for her locker to hold pens & pencils. all we need now is to wait for next weekend (tax free) & go & actually Purchase the things we've already found that she likes & fits. something I will probably do so alone and be much faster for.

tax free weekends.. gotta love it.

we have One Month exactly before school starts.

how are the rest of you doing for back to school?

many hugs all around ~
fun fun!!
it was poring down rain, and I convinced frecklette to go sit on the front porch w/ me, and tried to get her to play & dance in it w/ me, but at the same moment, we both chickened out.
so then I bribe/dared her w/ $2** to run to the mailbox & back & she did, laughing all the way there & back laugh.gif

I loooooove r-a-i-n and grew up puddle jumping and playing in it, something you ever see kids doing today.

silly is as silly does biggrin.gif
I am a total thread hog here but exctiting news for frecklette.

the mr got us tickets to see Hillary Duff in concert next week.

she's one of those teen singers, can't think of the single she had that actually got radio play, but she's one of the few that has stayed decent, which is a lot.

she's the girl who is Lizzie McGuire.

anyway, she's playing here next week, some sort of thing for the kids of troops, so the tickets were Free, which is so cool bc when she toured in our state last year the tix were like 35 bones.

will let y'all know how it goes tongue.gif


we will likely be coming to a City Near YOU in the next 3 weeks or so... still wanna hook up for coffee ?

Cool, freckle, have a good time.

littleb and I are off to visit my Mum on Monday so I'll probably be away from the boards for a while. I'm looking forward to it --- anything to get away from this heat! I'm not even thining about the beginning of the school year until I get back.
Minipixe, who is 4 had peed herself at least once everyday of this weekend! Not only that, but she's been changing underware and hiding it, so that I am just full realizeing what is going on! I called the ex and he claims she isn't having this problem at his house, so I wonder, is she hiding panties there too and he just doesn't realize it ? Is she just being lazy because she's playing with the other minipixie and doesn't want to stop playing? Her little bottom is getting irritated, and i think that moght be in soem part due to the chlorine in the in laws pool, it did a number on Mr. Pixie yesterday too, so I am wondering if it hurts to go pee pee and so she is trying to hold it and failing? Then I've wondered about bladder infections, but she is already on amoxi right now, so that should be clear that up??If it's phchological, I have no idea what it causing it, and her therapist has cancelled the last 2 appointments because she has been sick.
the hillary duff concert last night rocked !!

none of the bubble gum sweet pop princess we expected at all, though she did sing all the songs from the cd's of hers frecklette has.

she was, dare I say for lizzie mcguire... even edgy !!
she wore a long black tank pulled down over her jeans, flat black knee boots, and a few long dogtag like chains, w/ her hair, brown now.

had kind of an early fiona apple look to her, she's really grown up from how I tend to think of her, and her Band- they honestly were bordering on Hard metal at times- we were lovin' it and so was freck.
her face glowed with happiness the entire night, such Pricelessness smile.gif

I believe we made her entire summer right there last night and I feel less of a schleppy mother, at least momentarily.
h d still has the niceness that first attracted us to her, but has grown up while still maintaining her decency.
I am totally now an endorser of her and might I add-- she made me wanna be a rock star too biggrin.gif

pixie, what is going on w/ the pants wetting??
I mean, it could just be that she's newly discovering that she Can 'keep secrets' from you, which is a first for kids sometimes, like telling a lie and being believed.. powerful stuffs in the minds of wee ones... you know? or might it mean something else is going on that is stressing her out?

come to think of it ( & re-reading your post again) frecklette Did go thru that once too, bc she got so wrapped up in play she couldn't be bothered to stop & potty & it took me being more watchful & interfering of her play time, esp after snacks or drinks. not a huge issue once we realised, and didn't take long to correct. hope you get to the bottom (no pun) of this soon ~

mando- how was williamsburg? what to see/what to skip?
we're looking at trying to go in the next 3 weeks or so before school starts.

hugs to all~
--long-ass post from delurker ahead: warning and apologies!!--

Freckle, for a teen princess HD has a fairly 'edgy' boyfriend, some guy from the band Good Charlotte. This has been confirmed by the Arbiter of Cool that is my mister's daughter. Glad the concert was so much fun!

*formally delurks* I've come in here hoping for some perspective, if people don't mind, on the aforementioned mister's daughter. She's 12 and mainly stays with her mum who lives quite far away. I am lucky in that we have a good relationship; I like her a lot, she's very bright and sweet with it. However, she is also potentially manipulative, caused I think by wanting to please her mum and her dad and saying what each wants to hear. She is an only child so has a particularly close relationship with her mum. She does get on well with her dad(the mister) but really doesn't see him enough.

I'm writing because I think our dynamic is shifting. Se's less bubbly and forthcoming with me this visit than usual, which I'm putting down to hormones ( I think she may be hitting puberty) and the fact her mum moved last year, which tok her away from her friends and a community she was happy and popular in. I respect whatever changes she's going through but am a teensy bit scared she's going to turn into a devious witholding teen who manipulates me because I'm not as strict as her dad. I don't discipline her, it's not my role. I usually back up her dad so as to provide a united front although I don't agree with some things he does, but I'm very aware it's not my place: he's her parent after all.

Because our place is pretty small her visits cause some upheaval, which I try to gloss over. I'm sure she picks up on some of it though. It also takes me a moment to adjust to having her around. Again, I try and hide this from her because I don't want to hurt her feelings, and I'm afraid she'll sense this and get defensive.

The more I type the more I realise I don't have a question as such, and also that I'm probably worrying over nothing. I'm just getting a slightly different vibe from her this time. If there's anything I'm saying that sends up red flags to you guys feel free to comment. And sorry for the long-ass me-me-me post!!

FWIW, in relation to earlier thread topics, the mister will. not. allow. her to fly or take the train on her own, even though this means he has to make the trip to where she lives to pick her up. I took the city bus on my own from age 10 or so, and flew with my (younger) sister to Europe at age 14, but I recognise times have changed since then.
syb, I'm coming at this from the other end (and be aware my stepmother and I don't get on) but, it probably is puberty. Treat her like an equal adult is my best advice, but don't be afraid to say "please don't do X". Not getting involved in punishing her is a good idea, but the more you speak with her when she upsets you the more she'll respect you (she'll tantrum too). I've not got much advice, except treat her like you always have. Yes, the dynamic will change, but if you treat her like you like her, want her around and respect her opinions, you won't have as much trouble.

on the whole travel thing... I flew solo for the first time aged ten (romania to the uk). Since then I've flown solo or with my brother around six times a year. It's scary the first time, but after that, you get used to it. I went solo on the train/bus at about fourteen, though, but I didn't need to use them before then.
*goes back to lurking*

I think mornington hit on it, speak With Her, not To her so much.. big difference in how it comes across.
(note to self: remember this too!).

it probably is hormonal. it's like they morph into totally different beings and all the things you Thought you knew are suddenly flying out the window. frecklette hit it about 2 yrs ago and it's been a progressively wilder ride as time goes by. everything mornington said really makes sense though, letting her know that you geuninely want her around and are glad she's there, yes yes yes, But, do also make sure that as much as you respect Her, respect goes both ways and you're not her personal doormat either. kids, no matter how old, still need to know how far they can go.

that said, I'm not a step mom, so am not really sure of how different the dynamic might be and feel free to totally disregard anything I've said.
please feel free to keep coming here too, vent, rant, gab, whatever. blood doesn't make people a family, love does.

there's a magazine you/she might be interested in, called New Moon.

it's fabulous.
very anti-Teen Scene Trash if you know what I mean, and deals w/ what really matters in an intelligent, respectful (to them) way. it's written for girls, By girls.
frecklette loves it and so do I, and am quick to gobble it up as soon as it comes and she's done with it.

here is the link:
Thanks freckle and mornington for your perspectives and insight. (And freckle, cheers for the new moon reference! Exactly what I need to get my hip cred with her up and running...) It's good to hear the essentials as seen from the outside. I had good role models for this kind of thing growing up, as my parents had an unusually civil and respectful divorce, we had joint custody and I had a great stepmum to boot, so I feel I have a good start. I just feel her trust is kind of precious and don't want to inadvertently mess it up.
== I just want to say : teen pms is HELL. mad.gif ==

that is all !
"... but if you treat her like you like her, want her around and respect her opinions, you won't have as much trouble."

ok, mornington, how the hell do you sum things up so succinctly and perfectly, just like that? that should be the mantra of every parent with a tween/teen! you need to delurk in here more often!

sybarite, my gut feeling is that there's nothing to fret about. stepdaughter sounds like a lovely girl who's got it together, despite the two-family sitch. if anything, it may just be a hormonal/recently uprooted fallout, like you suspect.

as far as the "potentially manipulative" thang, unfortunately that's the M.O. of every adolescent, i fear. danny's pushing every single one of my guilt buttons for a dog right now (i promised, he's accusing me of renegging, long story). i think it's what they have to resort to to make up for their lack of power. as long as you can maybe stay one step ahead, and as long as they're not doing anything evil, sometimes you just have to let them think they've won. "pick your battles" is my constant mantra these days.

k. i'm sure the above makes little to no sense. and someone needs to copy and paste that back to me the next time my kid gets under my nails. which will probably be soon enough. his sweetness-to-snot ratio is rapidly shifting. blink.gif

that said, 7 straight days with my mens made me a little nuts. next family vacation will be much more thought out, planned, discussed, etc ... winging it had it's ups and downs. mostly downs. oh, and next time we bring the laptop. especially since we forgot all the carefully collected & researched travel brochures at home. oy.

williamsburg is very pretty, freckle. the colonial crap isn't worth paying $$$ for during the day, though. we went after hours and strolled the main thoroughfare - danny took some awesome pictures - and had a WONDERFUL meal at the king's arm restaurant (spendy tourist trap, but very much worth it, since that was the extent of our colonial "experience").

busch gardens is hell on earth. luckily we went from 5-9 pm, and NOT during the heat of the day. we also got in with a reduced rate, which made it a tad more palatable. but yeah. if you like amusement parks (tho not that many rides per se, kind of weird) & crowds & shows & expensive trinket stores & crap food & all that jazz, it's neat. not my cuppa. not even sure danny liked it that much. but now at least we can say we did busch gardens. *sarcastic woot*

i can tell you more details via PM (we got a FANTASTIC deal at a very nice motel!) if you'd like.

my next vackay? girlfriends, NO DRIVING, umbrella drinks and cabana boys. who's with me? cool.gif

freckle, where can i get a copy of new moon? might barnes and noble have it? i'd love to give a copy to my niece for her 13th birthday coming up. if anything, just to make her sucking-lemons judgemental conservative mother think i'm trying to turn her into a wiccan or something. hee.

eta: nevermind, freckle. i ordered two issues online. thanks so much for the tip!
Hey, mamas... just crossposting this little bit of inflammatory journalism from the Hip Mama thread.

Have we all thought this at one point or another? Certainly. Will this woman's sons slap her in a retirement home & "be "too busy" to visit? Oh, I've got my bets...
helen kirwan-taylor, meet ayelet waldman. *severe eye roll*

no one - i repeat, no one - knows the value of "me time" better than i do. and i'll certainly never be up for a mother-of-the-year award. but i have zero tolerance for mindsets like those, and the flaunting thereof. argh.
I was totally thinking of the Waldman, mando! Again, the point of not becomming absolutly, completely kid-centric is a good one, but hella? COuld have used birth control if kids were just lovey price pieces. Get art. or a cat. cat's don't care what you do with them. Kids do.

QUOTE(mandolyn @ Aug 7 2006, 12:36 PM) *

helen kirwan-taylor, meet ayelet waldman. *severe eye roll*

no one - i repeat, no one - knows the value of "me time" better than i do. and i'll certainly never be up for a mother-of-the-year award. but i have zero tolerance for mindsets like those, and the flaunting thereof. argh.

ok, I um,, didn't think what she said was all that awful.
she was truthful, and what's so awful about that?

while yes I did feel she came across as pompass and privilidged and somewhat unworthy of her kids, and yes moxie- if she felt that way why Didn't she get a cat. or art. or maybe over priced exotic fish, she also said some brutally honest truths too.

the mr is sometimes way more a better parent to frecklette the older she gets, as opposed to when she was an infant. there's no guessing as to her wants and needs now. they can have articulate conversations and discussions. he's not so afraid of her now as back then.
whereas I miss freck's younger years, when parenting her was simpler. I get it, you know?

my biggest beef w/ the whole gist of her essay was that she probably never should have reproduced in the beginning. but as it's too late for that, let her be a lesson for others to maybe be more honest and let Us as a society not bash on women who chose not to have kids.
I was one who didn't want them. changed my mind just marginally enough to let it hapen, and here I am again, still realising freck deserves a better, less self-involved mother, and as we are, we muddle through the best we can regardless.

== hoppin' off the soap box bc it's all just my opinion anyway==

mando- thanks for the insight as to Will's Col. so what you are saying is- go at night? just to walk around?
you can do that?

how is the theme park itself, as far as like the eye-max type ride I saw at their site?
and the log ride- I always Loved those, please tell me it's good?

did you go to the water park there too? our tickets are for both,and I'm thinking we'll do 2 days at the ride park and the 3rd at the water.

please do pm me about the hotel, bc so far I've found a mom & pop type place that is like $49.99 a night but am not sure how ok it'd be.

smooches & hugs and hearts & flowers all around~~

my next vackay? girlfriends, NO DRIVING, umbrella drinks and cabana boys. who's with me? cool.gif

freckle, where can i get a copy of new moon? might barnes and noble have it? i'd love to give a copy to my niece for her 13th birthday coming up. if anything, just to make her sucking-lemons judgemental conservative mother think i'm trying to turn her into a wiccan or something. hee.

PS: so- there, the vacay w/ umbrella drinks and cabana boys.
"suga, peel me a grape." tongue.gif

new moon might not make your sister look like she's sucked a lemon, bc if you actually read it it's so Good, but maybe just maybe we'll get lucky? really, YOU would like it too.
if it weren't so $$ to order, I'd get sub's for all frecklette's friends as gifts bc I believe in it so much.

B & N might carry it, seems Borders does for sure, don't know about BAM.
it takes a while for the mags to arrive, so maybe be looking around just in case anyway.

hugs to you!
oh maude, that woman is an utter arse. her kids are SO much better off with the nanny.
my problem is a simple lack of time. if i could afford a nanny, or had a partner, i'd be so happy to spend all of my free time doing arts and crafts and walks in the woods. as it is, what free time? we wake up, i get us ready to go, work work work in a frenzy alll morning, actually Go to Work where i stand up all damn day, rush to pick him up and catch the earlier bus home, make supper which i eat standing up in the kitchen as i clean and prepare lunches for the next day, see him off to bed (many nights the story is a cartoon), and then i have about two hours to myself with which to do about 17 neccessary things to be ready for the next day. the weekend is a mad rush of errands and chores that i have no time for at the end of the day.
while i wish that there was a bit more money, a bit more free time, a bit more help from somewhere, i actually love it. i don't even know HOW i would deal with him being gone to my mums for a week or two or three. i'd probably have a mental break down from missing him and the disruption of our routine. but i like being a parent and i don't see the worth of a life without children. not everyone is the same and that's just fine. unfortunately that woman has children already so they'll just have to deal with their lives. there are certainly worse parents out there, just ones who don't Publish their bad parenting techniques for the public to read and judge. so what, those kids will live and maybe, just maybe they'll grow up to be better parents themselves. one can only hope.
Frek- I should have posted here what I posted in the Hip mama goes:

"OK, so this writer, is the "um, why did you have kids at all?" type, but tart, there are a couple good points.

1. "To admit that you, a mother of the new millennium, don't find your offspring thoroughly fascinating and enjoyable at all times is a state of affairs very few women are prepared to admit. We feel ashamed, and unfit to be mothers."
-Yes, yes, yes. One of moxieman's co-workers just had his second child. When moxieman asked him what he and his wife realized was different btn #1 and #2, the co-worker replied: "Well, we knew the first 3 or 4 months was more like having cute furniture with #2." Good friends T&A (yes, that's really their intials!), have a 2 year old. Mom-A said "I did not ENJOY (as oppose to love or care for) kidJ until he ws about a year old. I needed thearapy to be ok with that." I personally love the "grandparent" afternoons when I can have my house and my husband to myself. Even if its just an time is good for the bebe, and a lifesaver for me.

2. "trouble for a mother like me is that not being completely and utterly enthralled with, dedicated to and obsessed with one's children is a secret guarded, if not until death, then until someone else confesses first."
-See above.

And a big point of contention:

3. "many women have spent years studying and then working so that we would not have to do a job as menial as full-time motherhood."
-being a full time mom isn't menial...its unpaid. Without vacations. Not the same thing."

Kids CAN be boring...repeat "up legs, over legs" 20 times! FOr her, though, it seems very much like anything that didn't "fit" into her pre-kids olife was useless to her, including her kids. It's kind of sad, really.
"ok, I um,, didn't think what she said was all that awful.
she was truthful, and what's so awful about that?"

freckle, picture yourself as one of her kids, reading that article several years hence. just because it's the truth doesn't mean it needs to be published. (and yes. i realize how awful a sentence - and sentiment - that is. but i'm too foggy & PMSy to think of a better way of putting it.)

yes, of course there are truths in that article that most of us can relate to. but i just have a hard time with this new me-first mothering backlash. seems to be a new "fashionable" trend or something. maybe i'm way off base.

i'm the same as you, i wasn't sure i wanted a child either, made the leap, and now can't picture my life without him (and live in deathly fear of him leaving for college in 4 yrs). i would die if he knew i wasn't sure if i wanted him or not.

but i've also never defined myself as a mother first. sometimes i even forget i'm a mother.

moxie, your wee one is pure adorableness! any more pictures anywhere?
[quote name='mandolyn' date='Aug 8 2006, 12:27 PM' post='95729']
[color=#3333FF]"ok, I um,, didn't think what she said was all that awful.
she was truthful, and what's so awful about that?"

freckle, picture yourself as one of her kids, reading that article several years hence. just because it's the truth doesn't mean it needs to be published. (and yes. i realize how awful a sentence - and sentiment - that is. but i'm too foggy & PMSy to think of a better way of putting it.)

yes, of course there are truths in that article that most of us can relate to. but i just have a hard time with this new me-first mothering backlash. seems to be a new "fashionable" trend or something. maybe i'm way off base.

i'm the same as you, i wasn't sure i wanted a child either, made the leap, and now can't picture my life without him (and live in deathly fear of him leaving for college in 4 yrs). i would die if he knew i wasn't sure if i wanted him or not.

but i've also never defined myself as a mother first. sometimes i even forget i'm a mother.

you know it's funny.. the mr & I met w/ a "financial advisor" today & she took us on this very {emotional} journey about what we'd like our money to do for us at the different stages of life; things we'd never ever talked about bc it seemed so far off down the road.
she ( actually wrote down on a large paper planning chart to keep in our file) had one collum for him, one for me.
at one point I was upset bc it didn't seem as if our goals matched, bc mine was so frecklette-centric.
I was concerned w/ having enough to give her whatever opportunites were possible for her interests, to be able to expose her to anything and enrich her accordingly, while at the same time getting my own college degree (which this woman is set on helping me achieve now- yah!!) so I could be a better role model for frecklette.

as much as a non-mom as I sometimes see myself, maybe I'm not as bad as I thought?
I believe I've always carried around a certain amount of guilt bc I know if I were to choose again, I doubt I'd choose the same way, as much as I absolutely ADORE my girl.
that's what I believe really spoke to me in that woman's article, that's what I heard anyway.
made me feel sad for her, for maybe not embracing the gifts that her kids could be, as frecklette (teen hormones aside) is to me. she has radiated my life w. a love I didn't know exsisted.

and yes, it did occure to me what her poor kids might feel someday if/When they read that.
however, there might well be a place when they understand it fully as well.

le sigh.
just my thoughts however~

ok, I have one last load of laundry to do yet, and my hair to hennae before I can to to bed and then we are off to the family in the midwest tomorrow for a week.

Voodoo Princess- where ever you are, if you read this, call my cell please sweets.
I will be close to your neighborhood for the next week & would love to meet you & the kidlets if possible.

mando- pm me the williamsburg hotel info please please?

happy last few weeks of summer everyone, hugs ~
See, I think that there are definitely interesting, not offensive, and IMPORTANT articles about how hard/forbidden it is to say that in being a parent sometimes you have mixed feelings, regret the kids, even hate them. That's normal and we sure as hell need to talk about it more and not shame people.

But that woman just seems like an ass. A self-absorbed, useless moron.

Anyway, experienced moms, I need some advice. I'm due to have my first (I'm sure only) child in November. I won't be working then (long story if you don't know it.) I will at some point, but don't know when that will be (and it's not entirely in my control, of course.) I plan to breastfeed. Do I need a breastpump? If so, when?

Also, I"m baffled about diapers. Really.
hey annoush- i'd still get a pump. I have a very good friend who is a teacher- i.e. doesn't work in summers. She still likes to go out once in a while w/o the bebe...pumping is good for that! Plus, if your milk doesn't come in right away, or the wee one has attachment issues, a pump is supposed to help alot.

Diapers- well, see how much the hospital will give you! We found that for the newborn size, pampers is the way to go. huggies suck. Once moxette was in "size 2"12-18 lbs, the cheap, target brand work just fine. Size 3 will bring cheap costco brand...she's just not that big yet.

for all moxette related photos, monts 0-4!
I was thinking cloth diapers, which are even more confusing!

(Though I'll use any given to me, whatever kind.)

Thanks for the advice about the pump. They are a lot of money, potentially, and I didn't want to get one unless there was a good reason. And unlike a lot of things I get, it's not something I'm going to get second hand!
anoushh, Cloth or throwaway? I did mostly cloth for all 3 tots, so can give you the scoop on those if you're considering them. And, I agree with moxie on the breastpump--good to have so you can leave the tot for longer than a couple of hours and know he/she'll be able to eat.
Whoops, cross-posted. As for the pumps, you can get one of the cheaper ones if it's only for occasional use, and see whether you need to "upgrade." I found the Aveda Isis manual to be most comfortable, if messier. I also had an Evenflo electric, and it about tore my nipples right off. The best by FAR in terms of comfort and ability to pump a lot in little time was the 2-holer Meleda, but that's when you're getting into more major bank.

O.K., the farmgirl quickie on cloth: All can be bought on e-bay, or secondhand. The only real issue with secondhand is that some of the "covers" loose their waterproofness and the velcro gets less sticky over time. Look carefully. This mostly applies to the larger sizes, though, as the smaller sizes are used for so short a time that they tend to still be in good shape even if they've been used for multiple babes. All cloth options have two components--an absorbent piece and a waterproof piece. There are three primary options:

All in Ones: Basically like a disposable diaper made of cloth. Most expensive, but also easiest to deal with. They have some sort of sewn-in, absorbent liner, and some sort of waterproof cover. They close with velcro or snaps. Example here:

Tri-fold/pre-fold + cover: These are what the diaper services use (which I had for awhile--Niiiiccceee! My handsome diaper guy, Adrian, would leave clean diapers and take my stinky ones away..). These are a folded, sewn diaper that you plop into a waterproof cover. No pins here, very similar to the all-in-ones except that the pieces aren't attached to each other. You can usually get a couple of peed diapers per cover. Example here:

Old skool diaper + pins + cover: This is a big, single piece of cloth that you pin around baby--old skool style. You still need a waterproof cover of some sort--often of the "plastic pants" variety. These are the cheapest and least convenient option, but still do-able, and still get the job done.

You can get crazy with the fabrics--everything from wool to hemp. You can also add liners. There are also "fitted" diapers which are like an all-in-one without the waterproof part (these still require a cover of some sort). I used the tri-fold + cover option, as the all-in-ones were out of my price range.

Whew! That's the quick version--I hope it helps!
Thanks--that was VERY helpful!

Oh my god--moxiebaby is CUUUUUUTTTTEEEE!
anoushh: We went with disposable (yes, pampers definitely better than Huggies!) and paid $6/wk for a recycling service to pick them up. They say that over 90% of the diaper material is recyclable, so the $6 was my conscience money!
a diaper recycling service...really?? WOW. Any more info on that??
I'm not working (we moved in the middle of the pregnancy back to the US and honestly, who's going to hire a pregnant woman? Well, no one here has, anyway.) so I personally can't justify using disposables. I don't really want to, either. Use them, I mean. Who knows, I may change my mind, but that's it for now. However, I cannot imagine being pregnant, as ill as I was, with chani's schedule. Wow.

I'm curious about the diaper recycling, too. That would be great!
Thanks Mando for your post. I agree: simply wanting her around and respecting her are the biggies. I hope it's okay if I pop in here sometimes; I find reading this thread helps me make sense of her and my relationship.

We've all been on vacay together all week which was a quick learning curve into the daily decisions of parenting for me! I don't make any of the discipline decisions or have any say over what she eats, but we were effectively functioning as a family while we were away. It was fun but it was exhausting, and has left me with refreshed respect for you fulltime parents!

It helped a lot that we were in Italy, which had great food for her (and us, yum) and is very child centric. They loved her, so restaurants (for example) were really accommodating.

She and I are getting along so I do think it was a wee blip and no more. That may all change any second now as she hits the teen years but so far, so good.

I read that article and the letters fallout from it last week. Not being a mother I can't relate, so have been interested to read all your responses. We actually did some 'traipsing around museums' which, for me, was one of the more fun things about our trip, but then the mister and I are geeks. I think I would miss the 'me time' the worst. Mister's daughter is staying with us for a bit now we're back; I stayed up way too late last night just to have some time alone after being with them 24/7 for five days. Now they're out and I have the house to myself. I feel bad craving space after only a week though!
hee hee hee!
X-post with hip mama thread:

How many mama's here are "gatekeeprs?" Willingly, knowingly, not consciously?,...1219962,00.html
Yup, I was a gatekeeper.
Now I'm divorced.
I think we both colluded in me being a gatekeeper.
hey momas - I've been away for a while and now I'm back with a toddler now - 16 months and just starting to talk.

Sybarite - good to hear that Italy is so kid friendly. My inlaws are Italian and we're planning on going soon. Even the Italians here friends of theirs are so friendly towards busterdoll - almost too friendly as he's at the height of seperation anxiety.

When will the seperation anxiety end?! Was getting a lot of flack on my holiday with busterdoll crying every time I left the room or anyone else trying to take him. Apparently when I'm not there he's also a lot less whiney but with me - uber whingey. But - I take comfort in everything that says that very attached children grow up more healthy or at least not as sociopaths. I am still breastfeeding in the middle of the nights which astonishes the inlaws and my mum to no end. I have to quote Pediatric Society's comments etc. but really when it comes right down to it - I'm loathe to give it up because it makes things so much easier in the middle of the night if he wakes up. He gets so worked up and a bit of boob always calms him down. I guess I'm a little lazy.

Re: gatekeeper - am inherrent gatekeeper as my job is all about gatekeeping and my single mum did it all. Have to force myself to relax and ask myself is it really important and what's the worst that could happen.
the mr is on his way home and we are getting ready to take frecklette to her open house at school.

1st day of 7th grade start tomorrow.

where did the time go?

who let my baby grow up this much this fast?

why does this Always hit me this hard?


= that is all!=

Thank you Ms. freckle for giving me the heads up on this board. biggrin.gif

My little ladies are 4 1/2 and 2. I'm a stay at home Mom so I tend to be in desparate need of adult conversation on a regular basis.

RE: The Gatekeeper theory

I didn't do it so much when our first baby arrived (as we were both just as clueless), but definitely with the second. Now that I am a SAHM, it's sometimes hard to "hand over the reigns" but I've gotten much much better with it.

What finally occured to me was that while my husband and I do things differently, it doesn't mean there is a "right" and a "wrong" way--just a "Mommy" and a "Daddy" way.

Helped put things into perspective quite a bit.
Welcome smapde !! so gald you came to be with us here smile.gif

my take on gate-keeping is that for the hands-on primary care-giver, it's almost automaticly done.
again, the older frecklette gets, the more relaxed I tend to be about her spending time w/ people other than myself, bc she's old enough to know our values and concerns, and old enough to speak up for herself as well.
that said, today when she left the house to walk down the block & around the corner to the bus, I nearly had seperation anxiety bc that's my baby !!

baby steps smile.gif

ok, frecklette & PE class.........
at the open house yesterday I did Not speak to the teacher yet. had decided it'd be better to just wait and let freck's Dr speak For Her this time, as before it had been nothing but lip service, wnd freck was miserable due to it.

got the Health Form this afternoon, to list any health concerns, issues etc.

this is what I wrote:

"frecklette has Congential Radio Ulna (spelled it more phonetically for them) Synostosis.
this is a Fusion on the bones in her left forearm.


Dr's note/Conference to be scheduled.

We have had problems in the past with her needs being disregarded and frecklette being put in difficult situations due to her disability. We would greatly appreciate your utmost cooperation to make this a great school year.

Thankyou very much ~ "

too bitchy?
not enough?

was the hint of a LAWSUIT clear you think?
bc honest to pete that is what I am contemplating as a possible next step.
she has a DISABILITY. by Law then, she has major Serious RIGHTS that CANNOT be violated.
her gym teachers blowing off her condition and yelling at her to get off the bench ( what was aggreed to have happen whenever there was something she couldn't do, just quitely go sit down; instead of being Singled Out, Yelled At and TEased by other kids. damnit, I'm mad all over again now.)

a laywer or just trying to get her excused from gym indefinately.
she's not a physical kid. I really trully think it'd be the best option but yet, I know that Any activity is still better for her than none at all, and would Prefer to work With, rather than Against, the school system.


sorry to rant on like that, but Mama Bear is alive & roaring !

her first day was great however, so yah and yah!

how was Danny's day Mandi?

I have thought of him all day today too! smile.gif
-- do I know how to KILL a thread or What?!

I'm down off my ledge as far as frecklette and pe class. I'm sorry, and not feeling a little silly, for going so far off the deep end here, I swear I'll behave?

so far she's doing ok in it this year, and has a few girlfriend's in it that sort of ' have her back' so to speak and so haven't even yet called her Ped to get anything in writing. am just going to let it go til/if she tells me otherwise. her confidence seems to be pretty high - and that's wonderful!

AND her favorite class this year is MATH!



the teacher is young and female and admitted at open house that she was the one who never understood ANYTHING & was always so lost in class that she couldn't ask questions bc she didn't know where to start & so has a covered box for questions in the back that kids can just casually drop in on their way to sharpen pencils right next to it. no embarrassment. no being singled out. I Love this woman!

am taking her to victoria's secret this afternoon to get more and better b r a 's, bc bless her heart but she is really looking "older" and is attracting unwanted attention more & more.
hopefully they can size her right and will have some minimizer's ? or at the least some high speed sports b r a's (that's how we say it, we spell it out, no I don't know why) that she can wear daily instead.
1/2 her friends don't even hardly have boobs yet, and she looks like a well built 16 year old. sometimes, life is really Not fair.

and now on a more serious note.. is any one else even a tiny bit nervouse about sending your offspring to school on the 11th, or is it just my extreme paranoia striking again?
frek- can i put a piece of advice in the pot? I was an early bloomer, too...younger than freklette, i think. Anyway, the sports bra theory is good in theory, but in practice kind of made me think i had to hide my body. I'm not saying get her the "great bobbie packaging magic bra" or anything like that, but a good, regular old supportive set of white/nude bras from a dept. store always suited me really well.

I don't even want to leave the house on the 11th...if you're paranoid, let me jump on board with you?!?
warm welcome to smapde & luludoll.

i think that note rings just the right amount of bells, freckle.

and kudos to frecklette for even wanting to try PE. i was the most unathletic kid ever, always got picked last, always laughed at, etc. i HATED gym and got sneered at by every single gym teacher, none even tried to make me try. one even laughed at me when i feel off the balance beam (onto my back mind you). i finally gave up altogether and got a doctor's note out of gym, because i doubled up my junior/senior year of HS, and there was no way in hell i was gonna take two gym classes. with apologies to anyone who knows, loves - or IS - a PE teacher, but there's a special circle in hell for all my old PE teachers. may they be roasting there already. cruel bastids.

it breaks my heart to think of frecklette sitting on the bench, feeling badly. fuckers. don't they know she's got the will and the heart of a little lioness?

i developed at age 11, so i feel frecklette's pain. but there weren't many choices back in 1971. plain old white cotton ugly bras. so, i have no advice, other than to maybe consider going to a department store - or even an old lady bra store - with a good bra-fitter person. then again, i have issues with VS, their salespeople and their bras, so don't mind me.

danny survived his first day of high school.
so did i. *le sigh* it's not as scary as the first day of middle school was. that whole changing-classes thing freaked me the fuck out.
he already loves it, i can tell. he walks with his best bud (it's right up the street). he's his own man now. *le sigh again*

9/11 was 5 years ago, it happened 30 miles away, our local paper is still publishing obits from pieces of victims they're still finding ... i'm still fairly traumatized but don't feel right admitting that, because i wasn't there and didn't lose anyone i loved personally and live in fear every day that some fucking lunatic is going to fly a plane into the nuclear reactors 20 miles upriver and do the job right this time .... and since i have nothing rational to add, it's probably best i bow out of that part of conversation.
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