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thanks B!

good luck to you. i don't even have to deal with my own ex never mind someone else's and an Investigater, i can't imagine how you're feeling. hang tough, stay in a totally loving place, project your ultimate desire to do the best for mini above all else and i'm sure that's what people will pick up on. good luck, good luck!! stay happy!!

we're off again, see you all in another week or so.

how did it go?!
do you have sole custody of him now? is bio (hazzard)-mom ok or did she go psycho?

belated Happy Birthday Little!!!!!
pepper his birthday celebration sounds just wonderful.
what a super, thoughtful and LOVING mama you are to him- your kid(s!!) are tremendously Lucky to have you.
how are you feeling?
getting closer?!

I got dingoe'd and locked out of my former name, so am here again, still trying to figure out all the strange new changes, bust still very much still me.

frecklette is on spring break right now....... and is talking to a B O Y on the phone lately. it's one of her friend's cousin's friends, a boy out in oaklahoma, 13, a grade beyond her.

except for the fact that it is almost Impossible for me to get access to my own phone lately.. I'm ok with it.
the MR is freaking out, but I have told him that when I was her age, I started having little "phone boyfriends", boys that I knew from youth groups and places, boys that usually went to other schools/lived on the opposite side of town and the like, and it was harmless.
she is Learning.
social skills.
how to deal.
really important and we all as women know that.
we need to take a deep breath, square our shoulders and watch from the sidelines and let her grow up right now.. and be thankful he's in another state!

she gets all blushy when the phone rings.. and has started snitching and filtching my nails polish and perfumes lately too... I believe a bonafide TEENAGE girl might be about to blossom and from my vantage point, it's really sweet and amazing to see after the years of struggle w/ messy clothes and hair.

where does the time go?
frek, when does our girl turn 13? My mama made a HUGE deal out of becomming a counter at the mall for a "makeover" manicure, shopping spree...a totally "big girlie" day for my sister and me (obviously, at different times). It is a memory that I really hope to give to moxette in 12 more years. Might be fun to do something for the young lady in a similar fashion. To this day, I have my makeup basics from the lessons I learned that day! That, and Carmendie from What Not To Wear. smile.gif

Blanche, our BFFs are initiating the adoption proceedings soon, and you've been very much on my mind, too. How goes it?
*sticks head in*

freckle, that would be soooo cool. my mum did a similar girlie thing when my periods started. and yay for boys! my dad still freaks over me and boys - and sometimes, the more he freaks, the more fun it was!

((((blanche)))) been thinking of you

belated happy birthday little!

*waves to the bustiemamas*
I have to tell you, the image I'm getting of biohazzard Mom is of courtney love.
she just sounds strung out and irrational.

when you say 'law guardian', do you mean like a Guardian ad litem (sp) ?
I had a friend once who did that (volunteer) and tried to get me into it as well, bc you are trully advocating for the child, with absolutely no bias towards either party, strictly looking out for the best interests of the child. in that regard, I'd say you are Golden.
right down even to how bio mom dressed, it makes an impression on the degree of seriousness that you take the situation for.

I love that little is starting to toughen up, even though it also sort of makes me sad for him, but in the sense that it's a tragedy that he should Ever have had to feel and witness any of this in the first place.
and no I'm not sucking up to you, but again, I do not think it's a cooincidence that he should get YOU as a step Mom, somone who truly loves and Cherishes him in a beautiful way.
my heart and thoughts are totally with you as you go through with this.

I asked frecklette last night if on her b-day before her party she maybe wanted to go and get her makeup done somewhere.. a lesson, shopping, all or some of that (my mom too took me to merle norman, tho I think I was a little older than 13) and she Made a FACE blink.gif and wanted to know which one of my friends suggested it!!
it was too funny!! laugh.gif

so no, maybe she's not quite ready for all that just yet.. and when she is, I've about decided that it's going to be mineral makeup at that... stuff that is good for her skin (w/ natural spf, she's very fair) instead of all the crap I used when I was a teen.

however, I may force her into the car and drive her to a nail salon and get a manicure on her day.. no fake nails, bc she has amazing long fingers and beautiful nail beds.. and she'll probably fight and complain but I am relatively sure she'll like the end product.

she's turning into a girl, but it's a s l o w process.

last night she got paid to help watch some wee kids in the childcare room, while I attended a meeting. she only went in there to avoid being bored w/ me and bc she likes little kids, and the little booger made 20 bones! now she's all high set to get the red cross babysitter's certification, something I think is great.

mando, are you still with us at all?



(((blanche))) (((mini))) i feel for you, and wish i could wave a magick wand and make biohazard mom disappear. but i know it's going to work out in your favor. how could it not?

(((freck))) thanks for missing me, hon. i haven't even been up to lurking. life's been crazy.
and i wouldn't force the girly stuff on lette. sounds like she's heading there at her own slow but steady pace.

danny's at disneyworld on the band trip. i'm not worrying as incessantly as i was last week. (who am i kidding, this past YEAR!) he did fine on the flight down - he's never flown before - and he sounds like he's managing well with the walking and performing (in 80+ degree heat in their heavy wool uniforms and pit helmets, oy). he was sort of a complainypants last night on the phone, but i think it was just a long day. he didn't like epcot that much. hopefully today will be better.

he also said he missed me, and he loved me. made my heart melt.

i so can't wait for him to come back. this is the longest week of my life. he was sick two weeks ago (cyclical vomiting again), and i'm petrified he'll get sick down there.

the house is far too empty without him. sniff.
*~!*~! doing the Happy Dance that Mando is back~!*~!*

aww mando sweetie, danny ROCKS!!

I LOVE that he told you that stuff over the phone.
not quite SO Big yet ey?
I heart your kid. you need to know this. he just seems so inherently good.
I hope he has a total BLAST at Disney and loves all of it.

as to You, are you o k? (besides just the missin' your boy)
I miss ya.
WE miss ya.

it's too quiet around these parts w/out your spirit here lately.

((((((Mando & danny)))))))))))

frecklette & I are spending her spring break cleaning for the mr's return, not so much "fun", but we know when he is home again, we'll do a lot of good Family Stuff and make the time up.
and she's also smart enough to know that it's better to do all this Now, rather than have HIM point it all out later.

it's almost 1:30 and I've still let her sleep. bad mama!

time to go tackle her awake! laugh.gif
good luck blanche!

someone please explain to me why last week bananas and eggs were ok and TODAY they are not?!! argh!! i thought the picky eater crap would be over by now, WTF?
mushrooms. he ate something with them a long time ago and it made him throw up (i think it was the sauce, not the mushrooms) and ever since he refuses to eat them EVEN though he actually likes them. tragic. he did have some banana today, in pancakes but still... we're working with a smaller and smaller group of healthy foods here. i can get him to eat junk NO problem of course but real food is getting tricky. he's not even all that picky compared to so many other kids but... it's sometimes hard to be sure he's eating enough. half an hour after lunch he's always hungry again dry.gif

we made some things out of boxes today, a double race track for hot wheels and some kind of other thing, i don't quite know what it is. it was fun anyhow. i love when he gets all creative, happens whenever i limit or restrict tv. i picked up some plasticine, pipe cleaners, google eyes and pom poms today so we'll see what we can dream up when we get back out in the wilderness with not much to do. i have tons of books with creative projects but we do the best stuff when we let ourselves go crazy with no guidelines. i need a spare room for all the creations though! hmm, maybe we should start making teeny weeny miniature stuff laugh.gif

i'm so glad that i have this time off right now to spend one on one with him. i am gonna miss this SO MUCH when the baby comes. i mean, i know that our family will become different but just as good or better but still... he's my baby and i just love him so. we were snuggling in bed early this morning all wrapped up in each others arms and legs hugging and giggling and chatting away and i thought "love this up mama, it'll be so different so soon." *sniff*

*^*^*^ Happy Dance *^*^*^

Blanche, that's great! Now, you just gotta get her to stop showing for the visits...nad hopefully get your kid to yourself. But, hopefully, this will go well for your whole family!
Crashing in to comment on the picky eater crap... the mister's daughter is a picky eater but I think he babies her too much about it. She is 13 and eating with her is a bit of a chore. She takes a dislike to foods seemingly randomly, tries to distract us with conversation until her dad scrutinises her plate and asks what's wrong. This leads to a loop wherein she refuses to eat whatever foodstuff has repelled her and her dad gets increasingly agitated, exhorting her to finish what's on her plate, and then starts bargaining. It all drives me crazy, and I do think at her age this sort of behaviour shouldn't be indulged.

To be fair I think her aversion to some foods is genuine. Some textures disgust her, in which case I nearly think her dad should just let it go and not force the issue. She's also taken a liking to foods like sushi, so clearly texture is not always a problem.

Any thoughts? Is my opinion too harsh?

Congrats on the (probable) good news blanche!

((Pepper and her little)) Enjoy your two-time together.
syb- so my kid is only 1, but many folks say todlers and teens have lots of the same issues... Food can very easily be a control issue...maybe the girl subconciously needs to control something, and is using food as the mechanism. Mr.syb the same, plus he has the parental drive to feed the young. If he can look at it from that perspective, and he offers her healthy foods, and she does actually eat enough for nutrition, maybe he could back off? I know when I was 13, I wouldn't eat pasta with sauce...but now its a staple. smile.gif
Moxiegirl, your explanation makes a lot of sense. Certainly the mister feels especially protective as he hasn't had custody for years, so when we do see her he wants to make sure she's looked after properly. And while she and her dad have a great relationship--she's not clingy which is impressive given that she sees him relatively rarely--it is totally possible she plays up the food stuff so as to get attention.

She does honestly get disgusted by some things though, but then I was kind of finicky at that age too.

I'm more aware of these things lately because she will be moving in with us fulltime from September *gulp* I'm optimistic--she really is a good kid and bright and interesting too--but am trying to anticipate possible areas of discord. That'll be my own control freak stuff coming out! wink.gif
Thanks blanche! My sister and I lived with our dad's longterm girfriend for a few years when we were teenagers, and she set a great example on boundaries, so I feel I sort of know where to start. Selfishly the things I'm most worried about is having space to myself and not being called upon to make dinner every night. I mean, I don't do that now... except on weekends. Basically, I'm very aware that the mister and I need to provide a regular routine for her, something we're really not used to doing; we both work irregular-ish hours.

On the flipside, we're looking at renting a 3 bedroom house so there's room for a study and everyone will have a bit of space, which I think will help. We're quarrelling over nieghbourhoods but y'know, things could be worse. And she is a good kid and great company when she's not immersed in her X-box...
hey everyone~

I know I've been mia awhile.. the mr returned a few weeks ago (safely & all original parts intact) and he's been on some time off so we've been doing day trips here & there and then gearing up for frecklette's birthday party, which is now at 2:40 Am starting to wind down w/ them out in the tent probably for the night.

it's been a WONDERFUL time.
a bit of personality conflict briefly, but w/ 4 teen girl's it goes w/ the territory.
I made up treat bags, which I called "Survival Kits" that had flashlights & candy necklaces and cookies/cream dip and notepads w/ gel pens and the most important: glow necklaces and Silly String and they chased each other around the front yard spraying one another w/ that, and then once it was Dark dark, I taught them how to play Ghost In the Graveyard (the mr played too, he really knows how to hide!) but not before I taught them all how to wish on the very first star they see at night - - picture 4 lovely girls standing outside looking up, w/ the closed tight, repeating the Star Wish and filling their wonderful hearts with hope...
, & then we ran around screaming and scaring each other and was too much fun.

then, after or in-between several dashes inside for more food (we ordered pizza & cake too) they've been out in the tent (found a big 8 person one w/ a screen room on sale for cheap- yah!) w/ the tv for x-box and the karaoke machine.

I've snuck out to scare them several times (see confessions thread please) and it's just hysterical and shameful on my part how much I am enjoying doing that. the mr even finally said ' leave them alone already' but but but... laugh.gif

'least I count my chicks before they hatch, I would almost think this may be frecklette's very best party EVER.
was a LOT of work to get ready for it (tho the mr put up the tent) but seeing her this happy.. makes you remember why we parent in the first place. rolleyes.gif

much good luck on the house hunting and considering all the things about looking for one.
I would def do a community search for registered sex offenders were I you for areas you might be considering.. we actually have a few out here in our neighborhood and you betcha I keep up on who moves in & out in that regard. watchdog .com (?) is a site you can register at that will even email you if a known predator moves into your area.
you're all going to do great once you get moved and I wish you nothing but the very best for having a heart so big.

blanche: ditto for you.
every time biohazzard doesn't show up for something is another Victory for you.
why can't the courts see once & for all that the boy HAS a stable, Loving home and cut thru the red tape though? frustrating, but you know you're on the right side- His Side. he really is lucky to have you.

ok, getting swoozy sleepy and need to check on the girl's once more before crashing on the sofa, bc I am sleeping downstairs in the liv room close to the back door least they get scared or need me.

many & much hugs for mama's that rock in all ways and means~~
big hugs to you blanche, and fingers crossed good and tight too! it's looking positive and that's wonderful.

freckle, awesome! that does sound like a best birthday for sure, very very fun stuff! i'm jealous about the tent, i want one of those, they are so GR8!

things are good, little held up well on our 'week on the road' trip and we all had a great time seeing friends and family. we had a baby shower in TO and that was terrific, the kids ran around outside on the empty patio and we all ate and talked and hugged and took picutres and caught up, it was nice. now i'm tired but it was worth the thousand hours in the car. i loved it.
hey, where is everybody?

well, WheeOooh, did we just have fun! we went to the science centre and saw a dinosaur movie in the imax theater, then we checked out the new fun factory, had a snack and saw another movie about constellations and such in the planetarium, FUN!!! it was excellent. i asked little what his favourite thing of the day was and he listed Every Single Thing that we'd seen or done, ha! we've been keeping a 'grateful' journal that we write his daily highlights in every night before bed and i'm sure tonight we'll fill a whole page!
i registered him for school yesterday too so next week he'll be riding the bus into town with the other kids 2 and 3 (alternating) days a week until june 27th (my due date, ha!). he wants to be around other kids and even though his lessons are going great i think a change of scenery will be good for him. we can keep doing his lessons at home anyhow, then he'll be really prepared for first grade. i'm excited but sad about losing some of our last precious 'just us two' time together. oh well, it leaves the whole day for me to clean and organize and get ready for the wee babe. still, what an adjustment for ME! he'll be fine, i know, it really is myself that i'm worried about sad.gif
yeah, blanche, our BFF;s son's biomom (we refer to her as "the donor"), after telling the 11 year old kid that she was bored at their meetings and it was HIS fault, has since cancelled 2 more. That makes a grand total of 4 times since christmas she has seen him. He's getting pisssed now, though...which although miserable at the time, is a good stage of progress towards letting her go. I thought mini was to suffer through supervised visits with le hazard?

Anyway, pepper, I'm glad little enjoyed the science center...its one of my absolute favorite things about this area. For another cool educational trip, perhaps more appropriate for post bebe (its good for long walks), is Greenfield Village. I believe they have a petting zoo.

*Mwah* to my sistas!
borrow away, it's my mom's thing that we borrowed from her that she got out of one of her multitude of self help books anyhow. he actually really digs it and it reminds him of all the great things that happened that day. it's a nice little daily recap and only takes a few minutes, we do it after story time right in bed. i like to think it gives him good dreams wink.gif
mox, i emailed you today, we're here for a quicky visit this time with not much planning And it's grandma and grandpa's anniversary today but we'll be back again. i'll check out the village sometime, do you go?
we went every year during elementary school, and I swear, its what inspired my love of social studies/history,etc. We're swampped this weekend, anyway, what with mother's day, and friends in from out of town, and a baby shower. Heh, i get tired just listing it all!
little woke me up at 5:30 this morning moaning about how his arm was "laz-ery" ha ha ha ha ha. he had pins and needles and couldn't remember that the word is "sleeping". hee, funny.
he has some funny language issues that i am convinced are due entirely to laziness. he doesn't try very hard to remember things, even right after you tell him. he can remember Every Teeny Little Detail about things that he likes but he "forgot" the alphabet the other day. when i ask him "what letter is that" he pretends like he has No Idea and it is a supreme effort for him to guess (he guesses right mostly unless he's being totally ridiculous and then he says something silly on purpose). argh. he's supposed to be going to kindergarten tomorrow, i'm scared for his teacher.
i stuck up bits of paper all over the house with the name of the thing on them, desk, chair, table, etc, and we run around spelling stuff and saying what it is but he needs A LOT of attention to get into it and focus. le sigh, he's such a boy.
on another topic, My mother is driving me crazy. she still treats me like a 4 year old sometimes. i left a note for an old friend in her parents mailbox the other day hoping to track her down and as i'm writing it on her porch my mom is yelling at me from the car across the street about what to write and then about how to leave it in the mail box, wtf! then i called little's school to be to get some info about what he should bring tomorrow and she shouted at me from the table about what to ask and what to say, As i am trying to leave a message on the school's answering machine. mercy. are your mothers like this or is it just mine? are WE going to be like this? oh, goddess forbid. sometimes i actually hate her, what a thing.
ok, more, since i'm by a computer.
today grandpa opened the pool and guess who went in it? that's right, crazy grandma and little. then he ran around the yard in soaking wet clothes until he was a popsicle and had to be put into a warm bath. his lips were turning blue.
now he's thawing out in there with purple water (food colouring), a dozen of those grow creatures and some squirty toys. ALL the clothes we brought are soaked now though, both outfits. he's going home in pj's tonight!

last night i went to bed at 8:30 with him, so tired, and we had a disucssion in the dark about words that sound the same. can you imagine talking about the different between C, see and sea, I and eye, threw and through, feather light and light bright, etc with a 6 year old? it was hillarious.
I had the same thought about the food coloring in the water, but thought " hey COOL!" tongue.gif

Mother's Day here was ok.
the mr is away, so it was just wee girl & myself, and so bc I was feeling sorry for myself, and I really had been putting it off anyway, I cut the yards on Sunday and made frecklette help, by first picking up sticks and pine cones, and then sitting out there w/ me bc I know I look as inept at it as I truly am, and needed her moral support. towards the very end (I believe bc she was so ready to go back in the house bc she was b o r e d ) she was cheering me on clapping and w the thumbs up, and as cheesy as it sounds it made me laugh and finish that much faster. my kid always knows how to crack me up.

we are now preparing for this coming weekend where she is going to stay w/ her friend all weekend and even going home w/ her monday from school, bc it's the weekend retreat for the mr & I that we are muchly looking forward to.
.. I KNOW she'll be fine, but this will be the first time we've gone that far away (about 5 hrs) from her that she hasn't been w/ Family. I'm freaking out on a LOT of levels w/ that one, even though she is really blaise about it.
I think I may entrust her w/ the mr's new cell phone, for my own peace of mind, but am going to have to give her a crash course in it once we get it ourselves. (we're not much "celly" people.)

as much as I am looking forward to going, my heart is still heavy at the thought of this.

seperation pangs in my mama heart sad.gif
ha ha ha! it's not like i put in the whole bottle! just a few drops, enough to tint the water. it's fun.

oh yes, hope everyone had a wonderful mother's day. i got my surly little brother to come over on saturday to make cards for mom and then i pulled off a miracle. i got him to take us all out for sunday brunch, Early too, before she went to play the organ at church. it was actually pleasant, and the cards made her cry. i got a card too, very cute. no jewel on the forehead though, that's pretty neat-o. did you get any explanation? wonder what inspired the third eye tribute?

things are good, i think i found a house out here for sept. and we might just stay close to my mom instead of moving closer to my dad. she does drive me crazy but she's a great grandma and little's new school is absolutely, surprisingly amazing. we'll see. it's so irresistably gorgeous here in summer, it's hard to remember how different it gets when it's turns cold. oh well, nothing is forever, we can always move. and the nesting instinct is getting Strong right now! i want our stuff out storage!!

have a great weekend away freckle! hope it fabulous dah-ling, you deserve it.
* warning* Mama Whine ahead*

my boy deployed yesterday.

that young soldier of the mr's that was wounded and returned here early the other year.. the one frecklette & I picked up from the airport and totally took under our wing.

I KNOW it's ridiculous, he's not related in any other way beyond circumstance put us all together, but I really did grow so attached to him, he was so vulnerable and injured and young.. it brought out every-single-mama ing instinct I had to take care of him and that has stayed with me. the guys at the company would even tell him " hey V- your MOM is here" when I'd go to pick him to go somewhere.
he & frecklette totally bonded and became almost instantly like big brother and little sister.
she tried to con me into letting her go yesterday but no dice and now I am sorry for it.

he is as healed as he is going to get, married his (even younger) fiancee and is doing well.

when I went to the deployment send off ceremony yesterday, when he saw me he gave me a HUGE Hug ( I had been staying away sinse they got married, not wanting to be a meddling parent) and then Kept Hugging me, and I admit it.. I cried,, several times,, and I told him he didn't seriously think I'd let him go w/ out seeing him, and damnit; his own wife didn't cry as he left, but I sure as heck did.
I get so ridiculously emotionally cemented when I feel it's not my place.

the mr was this boy's platoon seargent, and he both totally fears and idolizes him,, and when he kissed me on the cheek he immediatley looked stricken and said " don't tell your husband!" which was so funny, bc it's the big joke that he calls me Mrs _ even tho his Wife Is Allowed to call me by my first name. (propriety & all, even tho there's almost 20 years in age).

and I got to meet his dad finally (he never really had a mom), whom I had spoken to several times following his injury, both when he was still in Iraq and then when he got to us here. he thanked me very emotionally for all that the mr & frecklette & I did for his son.


please mama's, say a little prayer for my boy that he remains safe?
I tried telling him that his MOM SAID HE CAN'T GO but damned the disobedient child..
someone please tell me to get a Grip already? sad.gif

Does that mean the visits can end, too? or be more on your terms?> This is SO GREAT for your family!

What's the storyboard on it?

yaaaay blanche! that's excellent news! I'm so please for you and mrblanche and mini!
that there is the best news i've heard all week. not that i'm surprised, you're terrific.
what's the story morning glory? feel free to crow about your magnificent triumph.

i've been looking for the "10 conversations" book you recommended a while back
but the library claims never to have heard of it. sometimes i love the library and sometimes i don't dry.gif

i had to "help" little's tooth fall out yesterday, oh, the tears. i felt like a monster but it was
hanging there bleeding and gross. he was gonna swallow it, i just know it.
i still feel bad, he really cried a LOT!
Oh, so the discipline=feeling like lousy, aweful parents thing...that doesn't end? Oh.

Blanche, is mini still seeing the therapist? With all big transitions, even the supercalafragalisticexpialadocious ones, some help and guidance would probably be reassuing. Hell, therapy is reassuring for me during such times!

Anyway, I'm thrilled for you guys!!
WOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Blanche & Mr & Mini!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am So totally H*A*P*P*Y for all of you!!!!

mini finally has a chance at a "normal" life (once she stops/after she/when she starts/ visitation bc it seems like that's how it would go w her record) and isn't He one lucky little duck?!!

I wish we could throw a party for you......... like an Adoption only Better Party maybe... hey- that's a thought, could you now petition to legally adopt him as well? biggrin.gif

our weekend trip to the montains went wonderfully.
frecklette had a smashing good time and her friend's mom took them to the fair and frecklette rode a bunch of rides (over & over at that) w/ the mom that she'd Never ride w/ me and didn't really want us to take her home again. kinda makes me feel bad that I seem to "inhibit' her but will try to make more an effort to be more relaxed.
and the friend's mom said that she'd gladly keep her again if we want to do this again, which we def will as the next retreat will be held again in a few more months.

Yah-- a safe place for her w/out worry and guilt on our part.

we brought frecklette back a t-shirt of a bear chasing a group of hunters w/ the caption of " I like people- they taste like chicken." and it made her crack up as she's so anti-hunting.

she is taking Day One of the dreaded EOG's but feel really good she is going to rock it.

hurrah for happy families ( or Fappy Hamilies as frecklette used to say when she was wee wee) and good lives!!!!!!!!!!!


you are a very GOOD Mama!!
some foods might grow on tree's but that doesn't mean we don't still have to pay for it. (bad analogy, don't use it! laugh.gif )

frecklette's new laptop that she got for x-mas is going into the shop this afternoon, bc she's somehow managed to screw it up, loosen the sliding disk drive (?) & some other stuff the mr was really steamed about, and so she is going to have to pay for 1/2 the repair cost for it as well.

she has a fat amount of b-day $$ still, so we don't really feel bad about it bc we told her when she recieved it what the deal was and she's being cool about it.


it's a big theme in my parenting anthem.

she had a final in her state-mandated computer class today, turned in what I Hope is her last Big Project in her Writing class too; EOG's are over... now we're approaching count down to sleep- in- time!!!!!

no set "summer plans" for us yet.. what about everyone else?

pepper: pepper-pot updates?!
blanche is an terrific mom and freckle too. the more they don't think so the more you know it's true, ha! they'll appreciate you when their older, i PROMISE! cause and effect, it's a natural law.

no news, just hanging out enjoying the weather. 4-ish more weeks to go, little is enjoying school, the cottage is great.
hello all, i am a preggy mom (due mid aug with boy #2) with a 10yr old boy. i have a question. shinyboy is in 4th grade and many of the kids in his class (as per his daily chatter) have had boyfriend/girlfriend relationships that seem harmless. when i ask what you do when you have a girlfriend he told he that you walk out to recess together and sometimes play on the same team for kickball and such. i asked if you hold hand and he looked at me like i am silly and said no. so i was pretty comfy with the idea when he told me he wanted to ask this girl in his class to be his girlfriend. it took him two weeks to get up the nerve to ask her (he has liked her all year) but he did ask her last week. she said yes and he was totaly happy! then the next day he comes home and tells me said girlfriend wants him to cut his hair. (he has a mohawk and has for years, it is sorta his thing and he loves it) so i ask why and he says because she thinks he would look good. here is what gets me. i talked to him about it and pretty much talked him out of it but i think if i had been really casual and totally kept my mouth shut he would have gotten it cut off. i do not want him to change something about himself that he realy likes for some girl that in another week he will not see till next school year and i am bothered that he would even consisder it. so here is the question. am i just being over baring and over protective and all or should i be concerned that he will try to change to keep people happy.
welcome shinyx3!

no, you are not being overbearing.. bc yikes that is scary!
he needs to learn, even as young as he is, that it's important to stand up for who you are, as that is what makes us all unique and otherwise if we all went and constantly changed to suit the opinions of others, eventually we'd all end up Exactly The SAME. <yawn> booooring!!

that he has a mohawk and it's been his look for all that time is to me, a kid who Does know who he is, to/in some extent as it's not a hair style you see on every kid on the playground too. (very very cool- & I wish frecklette were a boy so I could encourage her towards one.. but as it is she won't even entertain the notion of a crazi haircolor as she's much more conservative than her loopy ole ma tongue.gif )

I'd say just keep trying to really enforce and support his individual creativeness to nuture his self-esteem and then recognize too that as kids mature at some points they Do cave to peer pressure bc it becomes so important to be seen as one of the crowd from time to time too.

welcome to our wee corner of bustland shiny smile.gif

i have raised him to be individual and i was just sorta shocked when he wanted toi change for this girl. thanks for the input
poor frecklette:

she doesn't know it yet, but I think I have finally found a place and the right hook to get her more active this summer.
she's a great kid, but she's a couch potatoe and so first I had the thought of : for every 30-60 minutes she wants online or on the phone, she is going to have to give us equal time physical activity, which can be yard work, walking at the track, playing w/ Lucky in the backyard , etc etc but it's got to be legit'ly active.

so then I started to look up health clubs again and found a Y which looks to have some really great programs and glory of all, the cost wasn't a fraction of the health clubs I had researched a few months ago.
the downside is the best Y in our area is Way across town, and traffic is fierce esp w/ gas prices, but if this is a place we can go to as a Family and I'm doing this for Her,it's more incentive to go.

the downside is that the Y is pretty conservative as they define "family" as 2 married adults male/female + kids" and I'm not cool w/ the exclusionist implied homophobia.

does the goodness of the over all program = that attitude which I am raising frecklette not to accept?
am I a total hypocrit if I enroll us there anyway?

and what are your opinions of my plan to get frecklette more active please- too harsh?

I'm not really doubting myself on any of this..just wanted any outside (my own head) imput for anything obious I might not have thought of.
= ack- double post that won't let me delete everything so this is why I'm filling it in with- sory! blink.gif
Frek- while I agree with you in theory, the YMCA is a great example of community centered fitness activity. Get the membership, talk with Frek about the issues you have. She's a smart kid...she should get that sometimes, positives and negatives can be weighed and a decision made.
FOUR hours in emerg, didn't get to sleep until 1, so much screaming. and after all that all the dang nurse ended up doing was disinfecting and sticking tape on it, i coulda done that myself at HOME!!!

it took until today to get him to tell me what the heck he did. turns out my brilliant son was running 'round the yard with a BOX ON HIS HEAD!! "but it had a hole in it mom, i could See!" yah, see everything but the barrel you tripped over and punctured your forehead on! GAH! it was so frikken deep i swear i coulda seen bone. and i mean blood Everywhere.

well, at least he has something good for show and tell next week. terrific. i love my kid.
holy crap pepper!

fyi (like you don't know this Now) : headwounds bleed like CRAZI.

when frecklette was around 6 or so, and we'd just moved to our apt in germany, and the new tub there was really high; I was Lifting her out of it, lost my balance, fell in slow-motion, caught the back of her head on the edge of the wall radiator (not hot tho).
bled like no tomorrow. thought surely she'd die of blood loss.
lying there on the cold tile floor w/ her in a towel still drippy wet, pressure to her head, desperately trying to figure out the new phone system & find the # for the nearest med facility.

by the time I reached a nurse she was bored and asking me if she could get up and go watch cartoons.

AND, to this day, she still refers to the accident as "remember that time you Dropped Me mom?"
for the record : I fell too! I hit first even. thought I'd broken her fall.

kids! tongue.gif

blanche, at the Y's website, under membership, it states what constitues to them a "family;" which of course I can't find right now, but it's marriage between one man and one woman - up to X_ of children.
I understand the Y is christian-based, but the God I believe in isn't so close minded.
I guess this is a tradeoff. it's probably the best program in the area for what we're looking for, but in turn we have to battle some homophobia?
before we go next week to sign her up for swim classes, I will explain to her how I feel about it, and Why we are still joining.
she's a smart little cookie, I know she'll understand.

Last Day of School!!!!! 1/2 day. so I am trying to get everything done all in the next few hours.
the mr's been traveling again and will be back and on Leave for the next 3 weeks or so too..

*~*~ Summer's Officially HEEEEEEEEEEEEERE*~*! !!!!!!!!!!
ouch freckle. "remember that time you dropped me?" that hurts more than anything!! darn kids.

well ladies, it's a girl (more in the preggo thread) and little was AMAZING! i wasn't going to wake him up but he woke all on his own and while i was lying there in bed having a medium/mild contraction i felt his wee head on my shoulder and his fingers tapping across my upper chest. he talked non-stop about how the muscles were squeezing the baby out and how he couldn't wait to see her head be born. he LOVED IT! awesome. what a terrific kid he is.

*delurks* Congratulations pepper!! And what an amazing story! So happy for all three of you.
congrats, pepper! so glad to hear all is well.

fwiw, i placed danny in both YMCA daycare and summer daycamp. I did what i could afford, but it was more about trust and safety than anything. he's pretty well-rounded, so i don't think they did much damage. *tongue firmly in cheek*

speaking of the kid, he just finished 9th grade. with a B average, overall. the mr's a little disgruntled about the lack of straight A's - which we've been spoiled with since day one of kindergarten - but i think i got it thru to him that B's in honors classes (and he skipped french 2 and went straight to french 3) is all good. the mr's blaming it on the playstation. i fought for danny to get an Xbox (it was all he wanted, it's his graduation gift and early birthday gift, plus he's paying half). my theory is, we can't threaten or cajole or bribe him to do well in school, it's got to come from him. i also don't want him to think we're always disappointed. he brought his grades up wonderfully this last marking period, i know he worked hard, i know he's not resting on his laurels ... i'm proud of him. the only thing i go beserk on is late or missed asignments. there's no reason for that.

besides which, 10th grade's gonna be a bitch, with no study hall to offset the ferocious august-november band competition season. he's going to have to buckle down. there will be plenty of days where he won't have time for video games.
blanche, you little man sounds SO MUCH like our BFF's boy. I strongly think its got to be the biohazard donor's influence, even subconciously. At any rate, what worked for the BFF son was specific, dedicated times for each activity...screen time, reading time, play time, each either pre-ceeded or post-ceeded by a trip to the bathroom. By 8, the problem had taken care of itself. He just REALLY, really needed the structure and then his body figured the pattern out. He still needs ALOT of structure, though. He needs to know that 4 veggie pieces and 3 chicken nuggets are what he will have for dinner. He needs to know that reading 3 chapters of a book (an activity he LOVES, btw) and doing 1 chore must be completed before playing playstation or whatever. The kitchen timer is a friend. Is your little guy still seeing the therapist? Ask for a parent meeting and get some suggestions from her.
blanche, thanks for the words of support re danny.

i wish i had some crystalline words of wisdom about mini, other than talking with his therapist, and looking past the camp counselor's reactions and getting them on your side as gently but firmly as possible. maybe the head counselor of his group, instead of the director - someone who has hour-to-hour supervision of mini?

the other thing is, he's only seven. and he's been thru so much more than an ordinary seven year old. try to be patient and step back a bit. (easy for me to say, this i know.) i bet it'll click for him soon enough.
you know, i got home and kept thinking about this and i got kinda mad. what kind of camp counselor is that anyhow? it's not like you're telling them anything so way out there. image how they'd deal with a real problem? sheesh.
i second talking to the therapist and i also think your "what is your body telling you?" approach is terrific. and the scheduling it into the routine too. that's what i have to do with little 'cause he'll hold his pee until he's bursting too. it's just the rule now, bathroom breaks before and after any activity, meal, car ride. i have to remind constantly but hey, isn't that pretty normal?

maybe a special bracelet or pin or shoe tag or something that goes along with a story so each time he see's it he's reminded? is that too hokey?
blanche, i'm relieved to hear you found an understanding, sympathetic soul.

and i hope i didn't come off as holier-than-thou. because you know i'm first in line for Neurotic Mother of the Year, yes? wink.gif

if it makes you feel any better, danny used to wait til the last possible second to go pee, up until recently. maybe it's a male thing? he also refuses to go at school ... i have no idea what that's about. then again, he does have his father's Camel Bladder. *jealous furrowed brow*

pepper, how ya feeling? any pics of the new addition?
i feel GR8! thanks for asking. hope you're all well and good. pics in the preggo thread, i guess that's a good place to put them eh? caio bellas!!
did my six year old actually tell me that it would be cool if i were twins yesterday? oh yes, that's right. he did SO!
"if there were two of you you could do more stuff for me." he said.


we spent the whole morning today making arts and crafts. it still wasn't enough apparently because even whilst in mid-poopy diaper change i must pay attention to the first born with my attention and whole body. oh my MAUDE, is he ever demanding right now. i mean, he LOVES his baby sister but geesh, he can't get ENOUGH attention! my mom and sister are out here too showering him with it and it's Still not enough. gah. when we move to our apartment he can sleep in my room again and man, do i EVER hope that does the trick. i'm exhausted!
hi moms...

can i ask a question of you? how do you help your child thru a situation like his dad is moving in with his new girlfriend? i'm a mom of one beautiful, smart, charming, challenging 5 yr old boy. he's my world in every way. but i got news a couple weeks back that the ex (only divorced a full 6 months so far) is moving in with his significantly older girlfriend (yes, she's old enough to be my boy's grandma, but that's for another thread)... i asked my son if he was okay with the news and he says he is, but does he really understand? will this totally screw with my boy's brain for life? i realize that i no longer control what the ex does or says or anything, but i so want to broach the topic. then of course i think about the shoe being on the other foot and never will discuss my thoughts on the subject with him...

but seriously, how can i help my son get through this time? he won't be number 1 with dad anymore, she will be (well, almost already is). i don't want him to feel neglected or like he doesn't fit... how can i get my boy to tell me his real thoughts/feelings or ask questions if he wants to?

any advice is welcomed....
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