Jan 28 2007, 05:51 PM
ditto on the love for mini blanche ! - that just rocks that he is responding and that it translates into quality family time. there can honestly never be enough of that when it is positive bc it continally builds and reinforces family ties. ((((((blanche & mini & mr)))))))))))
Yah pepper for getting everything done and being almost there! 9 hrs in a car? yuck
please please please be safe & travel safely sweetie... we are all keeping all of you in our thoughts!
frecklette's report card came home friday and she passed everything!! I know that might be an odd thing to be so excited about, but things have been so touch and go not just w/ math but w/ the classes she was boming on the principal of just not turning homework in it does show a marked progress for her.
and MATH. she brought her grade up 10 points !
from a F to a high D almost C. I am crazi proud of her for that.
my own bit o' news is that I am hopefully going to have an essay I wrote published in the local paper.
freelance of sorts I guess, am not really sure of how it will go down yet really, but I wrote another piece that I think I am also going to submit, and let frecklette read it and damned if she didn't actually Edit It
, grammer, spelling and puncuation and even a few word /phrase suggestions and she-was-Right!
she did such a good job that I think I am going to talk to her C-Skills teacher about some extra-credit for her, bc she picked up on things I totally missed.
and once again... my girl blows me away. life is good!
Jan 28 2007, 06:35 PM
yay for passing all her classes! i couldn't be more proud of frecklette myself! and a natural-born editor to boot! but you must take some bows also, freckle. you're an extraordinary mama ... a wonderful & tireless advocate for your daughter.
and kudos on getting published! i hope you'll share your essay with us too?
moxie, your wee one is simply stunning ... she's just the cutest thing eva! and not camera-shy in the least, eh? i swear, bustie mamas make some fine damn-good looking offspring!
thanks for asking, moxie, my little man's doing great. he had midterms this past week. midterms! i don't remember having midterms til i got to college.
speaking of which, we're already getting college brochures in the mail. *shudder*
this is all going by waaaaay too fast. *heavy sigh*
Jan 30 2007, 10:08 AM
the baby girl was totally potty trained by 26 months. I don't know of anyting starting earlier.
I have always heard it is easier with the second child.
Jan 31 2007, 04:20 AM
So, I wanted to say that it's great that mini is getting some family time around therapy time to go to Boston Market and spend a fun meal with you guys. We used to take Heikki to therapy and go to Jamba Juice beforehand. I love Boston Market, though. Heikki and I used to get the three side-item meal, and I actually got that tonight!!!
So, Heikki is having some problems with his new contact lenses. He won't touch his eye. I coached him over the phone about how you hold the contact on the soft part of your finger, barely touch it to your eyeball, and it sticks like a magnet. He is terrified that he will get nervous and jerk his finger away and poke his eye out. I don't know what to do. I'm trying so hard to be a good coach over the phone.
I also had to tell Heikki about my Uncle Joe. A couple weekends ago, my Uncle Joe got murdered. Heikki asked how grandpa was doing, and I told him Grandpa was very sad because his brother died. He asked if he knew this brother, and I said no, I haven't even seen Uncle Joe since I was 14. He asked how he died, and all I said was that he borrowed money from a bad man, and the man killed him. I also said Uncle Joe lived a hard life and was in jail a lot, and used drugs. I told him that even though he did bad stuff, Grandpa still loved him because he was his brother and there was a lot of good stuff about Uncle Joe, too.
Heikki said that this reminded him of his favorite cousin, Mike. Mike has been in prison since he was 18, and he is now 22. Heikki said that even though Mike was a criminal and went to prison, there was a lot of stuff he liked about Mike, and that he missed him a lot. I told him that's how Grandpa feels.
Does this make any sense? Although I want Heikki to see the consequences of bad behavior, I still want him to love and respect people as human beings. Uncle Joe wasn't a pillar of the community, but Grandpa loved his brother, who he grew up with, and we should respect Uncle Joe's memory because there was a lot to love about him, too.
Heikki wanted to know if the killer of Uncle Joe would get the death penalty. I told him that in California, they don't have the death penalty (am I right? gosh I'll feel dumb if I'm wrong), but I'm sure the guy will go to prison for a long time. BTW - the killer has been caught.
Sorry to eat up the thread with all of this - I just thought it was an interesting thing to go through with my son. It was a good talk, and it was not too intense because neither one of us was close to Uncle Joe. We just want to be there for my dad.
So - MOXIE!!! Little Moxette is the scrum-dilly-cutest!!! I wanna pinch those little cheeks! What cheeks!
I wish I could post pix of Heikki. Actually, I have a pic of him on my My Space page, but I think I will wait until he gets those contacts in to post a picture. I think he would prefer it.
Jan 31 2007, 10:11 AM
here's a good site blanche.
we're in TO but both arrived sick. little just has a cough but i'm down for the count.
Jan 31 2007, 11:30 AM
oh pepper, the ick is headed our way here too. my ears are getting infected and my throat is starting to close & clog
only, I don't have what You have going on.. so again and always- TAKE CARE (!!!!!!!!!!) of Yourselfs!!!
am glad you are in your destination now (?) and are setteling in? how much longer til the estimated Day?
blanche, I'm sorry, we aer so far past the potty training years I cannot help at all.
- they really do that That Young Now though? WOW!!!
as to my writing... not going to work out as had originally thought, at least for now, but thanks for the wishes mando, you always are such a sweetheart.
puppykitty, I actually think that how you handled things w/ heikki was really good. gave you a chance to learn about death in almost a sort of abstract, to see how you each would handle it. frecklette saw me really fall apart last year when my grandfather died and the mr was gone. whole lot of SADNESS, bc I had a lot of guilt for not having made more of an effort to see him in recent years and esp bc she had never met him or him her. that was a biggee. however, she also saw there was a lot of Love that I would miss and great memories and stories handed down to her now. take the good from the sad and things you cannot change, just as you exactly did w/ telling heikki about uncle joe's troubled past, but that didn't negate how much your dad/his brother loved him. I think when there is a redeeming faction such as that, generally it works out ok. death is just an alien concept to kids I think.
as to heikki and the contacts.
while I grant you this is going to sound super unsanitary, tell him first to scrub his hands much much much, and then he needs to Practice Touching His Eyeballs. Like if he were to pretend he had something in it? like an eyelash? I know it sounds gross, but I've worn contacts sinse I was 16 or so and can do terrible things to my eyes w/ out it bothering me at all. (what a boast! lol)
and ditto what She said mox, little moxilina is so adorable I want to eat her up!
how did dannyboy do on his midterms?
and yah- midterms Really?!
wth? he is sooo my favorite boy this age, why Again do you all not move closer?
Jan 31 2007, 11:30 AM
QUOTE(pepper @ Jan 31 2007, 04:28 PM)
That is pretty amazing!
Jan 31 2007, 04:09 PM
Yeah, freck, Heikki has been practicing touching his eyeball. I told him to keep his nails trimmed (he doesn't ever clip them and they get long and ragged), and to relax, go slowly, barely touch the eyeball and say, "One", then slowly pull the finger away from the eye without jerking his hand or turning his head away. I'm going to call him after school today and see if he has had any luck.
The doc won't let him have his contacts until he is comfortable touching his eyeball. He really wants them so he won't have to wear glasses, but now that the time has come, he's realized how squeamish he is about getting up close and personal with his eyeball.
He is 12 now, and his dad and I decided that since he has been showering daily and even washing his hair in the shower lately (weirdest thing - he refused to wash his hair. ever. He would emerge from the shower with dry hair and we would ask him why his hair was dry and he would deny it!!! No, my hair is not dry. It is just drying really fast, he would say!), we thought it was time he got contacts. He will have to keep them clean and take care of them every day, and I told him that it is about good grooming and self-respect to take care of things like this. His behavior in recent months shows us that he respects himself and can take care of something like contacts.
My dad sent him a $100 gift card for Radio Shack recently, and Heikki wants to spend it on a pay-as-you-go cell phone. I thought this might be a good way to teach him responsibility with his own money, but his dad thinks Heikki would just lose the phone within a week. I think he is right. Heikki is a whirlwind, a typhoon of disorganization. He is always losing things that are important, like keys, homework, iPods (2 of them!). I don't think he is resposible enough to keep track of something like a cell phone.
He lost his iPod a year ago, then my mom got him another one and he lost that. When we went to Chicago for Christmas, he actually FOUND his first iPod in the pocket behind the passenger side seat of Mr. PK's car. I told Heikki to hold on to that thing for dear life. I told him to use it, carry it with him and listen to it. Download songs and enjoy that thing and show us that you can take care of it. I hope he succeeds.
Heikki is just sooooo disorganized. His room, his desk at school, everything is just a disaster. Mr. PK was really good about setting up "systems" for Heikki to keep track of stuff, but we don't have Mr. PK around anymore to help him with that. His dad just gets frustrated. He actually just started taking Strattera a few months ago to help him focus and get things straight. He was disgnosed with mild "inattentive" ADHD. I've never actually seen any hyperactivity in Heikki, but he definitely could use some help focusing. And Strattera is a non-stimulant drug that also has anti-depressant properties. I'm hoping that this will help take the edge off of Heikki's negativity.
I mean, his dad, step-mom, and I are doing the best we can with behavioral stuff. After thinking about it for a long time, we thought we should give the medication a chance. If Heikki can get a leg up using this stuff, if it's not harmful, then I say we do it. And he is doing better in school. I have even noticed a slight decrease in negative thoughts and ideas that he's being persecuted. I hope it's helping him. I think it is.
OK - sorry for the long long post. I just have something else:
The other day, Heikki asked me if I had ever sensed the presence of a ghost. He said he has seen and felt a black shadowy figure in his bedroom twice. He is convinced that it is a spirit, but he didn't seem afraid of it. I thought maybe he was dreaming, but he said he felt it touching him, too. I mentioned this to Mr. PK, who said that sometimes when kids go through puberty, they go through weird things mentally. I remember when I was going through puberty, I would sleepwalk and talk a lot while sleepwalking. A friend of mine had a vivid hallucination when she was about 13. I wonder if there is anything to this??? HAve you guys ever heard of such a thing? I wonder if I should worry about the ghost experiences. Maybe when I call him today, I will ask him more questions about the ghost.
OK - I hope you're all having a great day, and also I want to thank you, Freckle, for understanding about my Uncle Joe and about my conversation with Heikki about it. I think it helped Heikki deal with a death in the family from afar; he didn't know Uncle Joe, but he knows that Grandpa is grieving and he wants to know how he can support a loved one during this time.
Feb 1 2007, 09:47 PM
i think that seeing things right after one wakes up is fairly common during any time of physical or emotional stress. and since he is going through puberty he is probably experiencing both forms of stress to some degree right now. i wouldn't get concerned with it if i were you puppy.
Feb 7 2007, 08:19 PM
oh my, isn't that just lovely.
hey all, back in the city for a couple of days but still sick. coughing a lung out, but i don't feel that bad actually. the hacking is a bit much.
little is holding up well, loved the trip to our auntie's and all. he played toss-a-ball with the kittens for HOURS. we started his homeschool lessons and they are going GREAT! i quite enjoy them myself and it's interesting insight into his behavior at school and how his wee mind works.
hope you're all well!
Feb 8 2007, 08:51 AM
I agree with that 100%, I am always appalled at what Schools serve students. When the boy was diagnosed with ADHD, (and yes he has it and yes it is a struggle and no, not one parent, teacher, grandparent, bonus parent is proponing any medication), we started reading up on the Fleischman Diet (I think that is what it was called). Anyhoo, this taught us that not only is sugar bad news, but so many preservatives, dyes and other things hiding up there.
We found out that he was receiving Apple Jacks for breakfast at school. The Mr went and bought some at the grocery and I flipped. His argument was that he ate them at school, so they must be okay. When I took him through the ingredients and then suggested that maybe he was a demon at school because he was getting hyped up on Apple Jacks all morning?
It is hard being the step and getting some points across. The boy has terrible eating habits, and many times just flat out refuses to eat, yet runs to the freezer for ice cream when his sister is heading there because she cleaned her plate.
The MR has a guilt complex, like he is abusing the kid if he makes him eat a piece of broccoli. I get strict with the Boy and the Mr goes off on me, like I am some cruel lady. I tell him, that if the Boy gets hungry he will eat, and he will, *gasp* not starve to death! That he is manipulating mom and dad by playing on the guilt factor. (I am almost 100% positive that the MR and Mom have the same guilt thing going on), getting his way and over indulging in treats.
Hell, what do I know, I am just the lady that lives here and sees everything!
Feb 8 2007, 11:04 AM
glad to know, minus the cough, that things are going so well for you & little there- yah!!
I am going to confess a sin here, so I don't have to do it in those seperate threads:
I let frecklette stay home from school today bc she is feeling ill in the monthly way.
she was SO emotional this morning, she said she knew it was going to be a bad day & she'd yell and cry at everyone, and she was feeling sick too so.. I let her stay home.
and by the way, does anyone know if anyone makes an Adult Stregnth tylenol or motrin or the like in a Liquid? she refuses to try to swallow pills, and I know a lot could be alleviated by something like that.
'nother day.. 'nother Parenting Challenge!
Feb 8 2007, 12:07 PM
freckle! my ex can't swallow pills either, so he gets the gelcaps, breaks them open, and puts them in a glass of soda or something easy to drink. you could try that!
Feb 8 2007, 03:07 PM
great idea mouse! think I will have to try that- thanks!
Feb 9 2007, 08:44 AM
ooh, mail! yay! i won't be there until the end of feb but i can't wait! fun!
i still feel crappy but am taking it as easy as possible, considering, and i have good back up all over the place. my friends are great
i got little to swallow a pill the other day. i put a big hunk of cake (of all things, thanks for the snack grandma!) into his mouth and when it was chewed up i stuck the pill in there, gave him a mouthful of cocoa (grandma!!) and he swallowed it all down. maybe swallowing pills along with a bite of bread might work for frecklette? it really helps.
i had a perscription for anaprox (just a brand name, there are a few versions) for when my period was really bad. it's specifically for cramps and it works wonders. i could be throwing up and in agony and 20 minutes later ok to ride my bike to school. maybe ask your doc freckle. tylenol and that type of stuff didn't do anything for me ever, i got it so bad in school.
i'm going to home school for the rest of kindergarten since we'll be kinda all over the place and since my mom teaches kids anyhow. she teaches music but so what, she's got the whole fun learning thing down. and the lessons are going really well, at first i could totally see what his teacher was talking about with him being wiggly and hyper but all it took was some attention and direction from me and he's totally FINE now. really, sits still, no whining, does the work, asks for help politely if he needs it, and enjoys himself. not so hard.
he'll go to school for first grade, hopefully i can find something good wherever we end up living.
at daycare and school the teachers were not allowed to give little crap. if they were feeding the kids crackers and cheese for snack i brought in a box of my own crackers with no hydrogenated oils and organic cheese. if they were having prezels, whole wheat organic ones from the health food store. fruit i let him have whatever they were serving, it's never organic but it's just a little bit. and the ocassional birthday fiesta, a SMALL serving was ok but goody bags had to come home sealed and i usually threw it all out and gave him something else. there's no WAY i'm letting them ruin all my good diet habit work. screw that noise.
for halloween my friend had the brilliant idea to put the bowl of candy outside for the great pumpkin (other kids) who would leave a cool toy in it's place. he LOVED that. he got some mega blocks thing that he liked way more than the candy and i didn't have to deal with weeks of sugar induced harassment. any goody bags full of candy get dealt with like that now. out it goes and some nifty play thing in it's place. i just think refined sugar is poison for kids and i can't believe how much of it they get. i mean, it's in everything from bread to ketchup already, n/m actual candy! and grandparents
Feb 12 2007, 03:35 PM
hey MAMA's !!
tomorrow is Parent Shadow Day at frecklette's school, which means that from the hours of 8:00-11:00AM I get to go to class with her and sit in and see what's going on.
I won't lie.
bc #1 I dig my kid crazi-like and am going to enjoy seeing her in her "natural habitat" and
#2 the annoyance-factor on her end at being helplessly saddled w/ me is something I admit I have been mercilessly turning the screws on her over the last week or so.
every time she'd start to smart off, rather than getting angry at her, I'd play it cool and every so quietly, as if to speak to myself even, say something like "...which shoes are more ME on tuesday.. I love my black (chuck's) but it's been such a while sinse I've really felt my pink (high tops)...I could wear the biker jacket w/ the new Stone's t-shirt under it too..."
to which it is really remarkable the immediate change in attitude before my very eyes!
ok so I'm working it. blatantly.
probably I should be ashamed here, she is just a kid after all, but I also know that maybe even not-so-secretly, I think she's 1/2 looking forward to tomorrow too. all her friends think I'm cool & fun and are also teasing her, encouraging me to be ~O p e r a M o m ~
bc they know I'm just nutty enough to actually do it.
I will carry you all in spirit in my heart tomorrow and let you know how it goes ===
Feb 13 2007, 03:49 PM
I have not been "de-briefed" by frecklette for all the things I did/didn't do right yet, but I will tell you that I wore my black chuck's, Her Choice. ( I actually had to try on several different outfits before she proclaimed I was " ok.")
Feb 13 2007, 04:40 PM
That's so cute, freck! Frecklette had to approve your wardrobe! Heikki got embarrassed when I put a fire-engine red streak in my hair, but he never did complain about my clothes.
I like your method for dealing with the mouthing off. It seems to keep things much more civil. Every once in a while, I like to mess with Heikki when he gets mouthy and most of the time he comes around. My favorite is acting like I'm directing a movie. For example:
Me: Heikki, it's time to clean your room.
Heikki: WHAT? I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS...
Me: Ok, Ok CUT! I'm really not feeling this scene - the emotion is all wrong. Let's try a new motivation, like keeping from getting grounded, all right? OK. "Heikki, Clean Your Room" Take Two!
Followed by my rendition of one of those black and white clappers they use on a movie set.
Feb 13 2007, 08:15 PM
frecklette has pronounced today " not as bad as it could have been." which in freck-speak means really Good!
and I told her that I puposely toned myself down as a special gift to her for the occassion, bc I did.
.. what did I learn from today? (bc I thought that was the point of it all) umm, the schools are extremely over-crowded, starting out each morning w/ a set of really (to me) difficult math problems called 'Bellringers' is STOOPID (spelled purposely) and a really sucky
way to begin and most importantly of all, my kid is ok. she's got her own way of navigating the world she lives in, with survival methods firmly in place. it was really a joy to see her learning and the fun she had doing so.
granted, not in all her classes ( I was only there for 3) but in some.
I think a high point was getting to help her on some quizzes she took on the computers (2 of 3 classes were using them) bc while she & I argued about the right answers (she was right more than me), it was still fun and she got a kick out of it.
yup, today was a good day indeed.
and pk: yah, dialog like that I think does go a lot farther than directly yelling at them.
I think it shows them that while we do mean business, we're also willing to be human at the same time.
I really love that " ........ Take TWO! ..."
Feb 16 2007, 07:50 PM
blanche, that is the suckiest bunch of crap ever. wow. i'm scared now. i wonder if i can find a waldorf or montessori school with subsidy near wherever we move? **fingers crossed**
freckle, i'm totally laughing about your school adventures, ha ha! now that sounds like fun! wardrobe approval drill and all...
things are good. we've been to here and back and there and back again and little is holding up so well. just the occasional bit of flailing around goof-ball action but still mostly my sweet little good natured obedient muffin-head. sigh, i'm a lucky mama.
Feb 20 2007, 08:49 PM
today we were out for lunch with friends and their 6 month old and little was ALL over that kid, i'm so happy that he likes other small people so much. we're both totally excited to meet this little chilly pepper
Feb 21 2007, 06:35 AM
pepper- that is awesome!!
I'm sure little is going to be the bestest big brother eva
frecklette is all up in arms right now, bc our girl cat (aka frecklette's sister/sissygirl
, and yes, our dogboy is known as the brotherboy
too w/ frecklette as "my oldest.") has done something to one of her back feet and is limping and hopping and of course won't let me look at it and frecklette wants me to take her to the vet Right NOW. reminded me about a dozen times on the way to school to 'check on her often' and wheedling for any possible way I'd let her stay home from school to take care of her today. uhhhhletmethinkaboutit NO.
I love her tender little heart though, it's so vulnerable and sweet. she told me last night that she thinks she wants to be a Special Ed teacher, in addition to persuing Writing. so *Heart* my kid!
= going to check on the cat as per instructed!=
pepper keep us posted- we're so glad you're doing so fantastically!
mando? ratgirl? buelle
Feb 23 2007, 04:42 PM
((((poor mini)))) Maybe he ate some bad dirt at the playground? Its been known to happen.
Glad the first part of break was great, though!
Feb 26 2007, 10:52 AM
My 6 yr old step son is haing MAJOR pooping issues. Holding it in until he goes in his pants, not wiping well enough, etc.
I thought this was normal until it happend FOUR times yesterday...... FOUR TIMES.
any advice? I know I am not supposed to get upset, but FOUR TIMES? His mama has been on the blinnk lately, could that be an issue? Seriously, I have to thow out about four pairs of underpants a week, and he has been told over and over again.
Feb 26 2007, 01:21 PM
ggg- have you talked to the pediatrician? It might be a physical problem, as well as, emotional issues.
Feb 27 2007, 03:35 PM
ggg, when frecklette was about 6 or so, she went thru a bed-wetting episode for several months.
there was a lot stress-speaking going on, and I know it was directly related.
my opinion is, talk to him. point blank ask him what is going on that this is happening, bc at 6 they are old enough to know it shoudln't be happening. (Is it happening in school too?) ask him how he feels about his bio mom and all that, and explain to him (for the umpteenth time I'm sure) that She Is Not His Fault and nothing he does or doesn't do is going to change how she is.
that is just so much for a small kid to carry. hurts my heart to think about for all of you.
and yah, get lots of cheap underwear that you can toss.
update on our wee kitty sissygirl: she dislocated her foot- to- heel bone, where it fits in the socket.
she's now in a kitty-cast, toes to hip and is not One Bit Happy let me tell you.. and bc she is a little kick-ass and was still trying to be as active as she normally is (which is the saddest thing in the whole world w/ her huge star-spangled wrapped cast, limping around) we finally had to take her back to the vet yesterday (bc I thought she had re-hurt herself) and then went to the store and bought the biggest hard shell dog crate we could find to keep her in.
it's like she's in kitty-cat-jail, and she is meowing so sadly.... but I know this is for her own good.
Feb 27 2007, 08:12 PM
[quote name='blanchedeveraux' date='Feb 27 2007, 08:14 PM' post='138658']
At this age, Mini may know that he's bothered by something going on with his BioMom, and he also knows that "for some reason," he is not making it to the bathroom on time, and holding it in waaaay too long.
But, he does not connect the dots conciously at all.
Mini knows that it shouldn't be happening, but calling him out on it only served to shame him, and he actually did it more. It's about control and their confidence, even though they don't know it.
very true blanch, and I was wrong now that I think about it.
you definately Don't want to shame him. I think I forgot how young
6 can really be.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((ggg & boy))))))))))))))))))))))
thanks for your well wishes for Airy our Sissygirl.
Feb 28 2007, 02:35 PM
hey girls, we're finally here at grandma's house, whoo hoo! it's wonderful. we're both getting spoiled rotten with the love and attention. grandparents are so calming (sometimes!) and so great for kids. ahh *big sigh*. at hardly any other time would i find this relaxing but just now it is just the thing. oh, and little... what can i say? he's in heaven.
hey, when i was about that same age (6-ish) my mom was married to a big fat jerk and my control thing was to not scratch an itch. i just. would. not. scratch. no matter what. it could be driving me absolutely crazy with the itch and i'd fight it. holding the poo is right along those lines i think, i mean what else does a 6 year old have control over but their body? perhaps redirecting might work? finding some place where the young one has the control, absolutely, so they feel some sense of just that, control, over their small universe? it's a horrible feeling being so utterly helpless against the whims of other people. it can't be any easier for them than it is for us.
Feb 28 2007, 06:05 PM
Yah for arriving safely at your destination!
I totally get what you mean about being there.. the last time I was "home" w/ my folks (the mr & frecklette stayed w/ his folks) and there were no family issues w/ my brother and everything else and I got to just bask
in being an Only (I'm not, I'm the youngest of 3) Child and my mom made me my very own pumkin pie after pie and cooked all my childhood favorites and I was BLISSED OUT!
*every* trip home should be that good!
so yah, lap it up and relax as much as you can and Yah for cool and loving and suppportive grandparents!!
how are you feeling? ( in the pepper pot/chilly-pepper way!
ok Creative & ultra cool mama's & busties... I need ideas for frecklette's 13th b-day the end o' april.
the popular trend here is to host a skating party at the roller rink. we've lost count of how many parties she's gone to there already, and she will skate but doesn't like it all that much.
the same for the ice-rink on the base.
and I even offered to try to set up a tour of her favorite bookstore, BAM, but she's realised that would actually be pretty dull (last year she thought it sounded cool) bc she's now realised how it all works already.
so, we're at the Sleepover idea stage... and the mr had a Brilliant idea of renting the largest outdoor tent we can find and setting it up in the backyard and grilling out and we could run elec from the house for a tv/dvd player and lights and have oodles of flashlights ( I want to play flashlight tag but freck's not enthused) and the like. we can also rent a professional karoke machine w/ cd's for cheap too, so I thought that would be fun too and frecklette thinks it's not bad but wants to "talk to my friends first." (sigh
she's very much not a MALL-type girl, despises anything that resembles or even slightly smells of preppiness, so that rules out anything "girly."
any ideas? regardless of how off the wall, we're open right now.
I'd LOVE to rent a moon-walk bouncer (about $90** day) too but I don't see our budget stretching that far for this to spend that kinda $$ on top of the tent and other machines.
ggg- any change on the situation?
Mar 1 2007, 02:10 PM
We get them back tonight, so we will see.
I hate this situation, because Mama has major issues in life and with me, though I have never done anything to her, and she uses her anger and rage to steamroll, MR GGG, her parents and basically anyone who disagrees with her. This is turn stresses Mr out and whenever I bring something I am concerned about for the kids, it blows up. Be it the four year old girl, crying in the middle of the night because she is worried about mommy, or telling me that mommy cries because daddy does not help her with her house, so she is going to help mommy, the boy pooping his pants and not listening...I mean, it is a mess. But I can't say anything, because I am the evil bitch that ruined her life (they were way over by the time I came into the picture, 3
years ago) and took her place.
It is like there is no regard for the kids' welfare, just who is right and who was a bigger asshole when they were together.
I want to smack them both sometimes.
Mar 1 2007, 05:09 PM
g3 that just bites.
do people honestly-not-see what they are doing to their kids?
GAH but it makes me MAD!!!!!!
keep us posted and don't forget we are keeping you and them in our thoughts sweetie, and vent however you need as often as you need; we're here for you and on Their Side right w/ you.
took frecklette to the dr this afternoon, bc the school called telling me she was feeling like she was going to throw up.
zipped to the school, jumped on the phone, got a late same day appt and off we took, and the dr ( a PA actually, that I am now totally in love w/ but shhh don't tell the mr!
) ordered a bunch of blood work checking her thyroid and blood sugar levels and a bunch of other stuff I didn't understand.
frecklette didn't throw up, but she's been feeling like this for a while now sporadically, and I just sort of thought it was probably low-blood-sugar and ignored it, but when she felt bad enough to call me, I got worried.
we won't have the results back til some time later next week, and he said if nothing showed up he woudln't call us, but if she continued to feel that way to let him know and he'd keep trying to figure out what might be causing it. and once we were down at the lab, he walked down there himself to tell us he'd put in a prescription for tigen (?) anti-naseau med just in case (tho she won't swallow pills) as a measure of being able to do something.
and, bc I asked him if Gardasil was available yet and he did'nt know but said he'd check, we saw him again at the pharmacy and he had already found out for us that yes they do but they were out at that moment and for me to check again next week.
this guy is like a SuperHero of niceness and isn't that a refreshing change in healthcare?
Mar 2 2007, 04:44 AM
Frek- the PA sounds awesome. Low bloodsugar issues defnitly can pop up at Frek's age...that's when mine certainly did. Been "officially" hypoglycemic since age 13...doesn't mean much beyond "eat healthy and often." Does she get jittery, sweaty and dizzy too?
Also, BRAVO for asking about the HPV vac. Odd circumstances, but the topic came up at a family funeral yesterday, and there was 100% agreement that as soon as the girl children were "of reccomended age", they're getting it. Period, end of discussion.
Ok, back to worky work.
Mar 2 2007, 07:02 AM
Thanks Moms. It is just hard. I never really wanted to be a "mom" and though I am not full time and the Mister is AWESOME with the kids (So is MAMA) it is still tough to adjust sometimes.
They are both SUCH amazing parents, but right now is a struggle and I feel like I cannot point out some major mistakes THEY Are BOTH making without it turning into WW3. I have no voice. I know I am not the Mama, but I do care, love and sped half of the week with these kids, so it is frustrating.
Mar 2 2007, 08:28 AM
i'm really glad that i don't have to look at that hpv vac issue for Years if this babe is a girl. i just don't know. i forgo all vaccines as a rule and it feels good that there will be ten plus years of real live human testing before i have to possibly expose my kid to that. hopefully there won't be any probs with it but you just never know. it's scary. not that hpv can't be scary and all with the link to cervical cancer etc. but... i wonder also if it isn't an excuse to be promiscuous because they know they can't get it? i've thought about that one a bit, same with any future HIV vac. i hope it doesn't lessen the focus on safe sex and/or abstinence. i was active so young, in some ways i do wish that i had waited until i had better judgement (though i sometimes wonder if that even happens before your 30's anyhow, ha!), at least for health reasons. le sigh, the hard parts of parenting. it isn't all cutesy clothes and colourful toys forever.
i went shopping at the second hand store with my mom yesterday and did we ever find the CUTEST baby gear. oh my, so many styles, colours, brands, etc all on one rack, we went bananas!! it was the BEST!!! ha ha!
i'm trying to limit the pink just in case but i can't help myself. blue is ok for both but pink on boys tends to confuse the neighbours. meh, if it is a wee man i'm sure he'll look adorable in strawberries. hee hee.
little lost a second tooth in front and two other front ones are loose, all on the top. he's having a hard time eating everything and has gotten a bit fussy lately due to moving around. i think he's skinnier than before and it's a concern. i might give him some of my protein powder in smoothies in the AM, that should be ok right? it's not got a lot of chemmies in it, just some whey and vits and stuff. poor little un-hungry skinny boy. all my brothers and sisters and i were twigs growing up, i shouldn't worry.
Mar 2 2007, 12:49 PM
actually I am doing some research about gardasil right now, to know more fully what it is/how it works/how it may affect her in the aftermath.
it's not just 1 shot, it's 3, w/ the first given, then wait 2 months for the 2nd, and then wait 6 more for the last.
I don't see it at all as an issue of permission for anything, but then frecklette is really young in a lot of ways but if she were a little older... say late 13 or 14 I might see it differently too.
I will say I am glad the mr isn't here for this bc I don't think he'd agree bc he is a bit of a prude sometimes but when it comes to her health I am uber pro-active.
yah for awesome thrift stores w/ oodles of great stuff!! all our stores here Suck :/.
bc I refused to find out, tho I thought I was having a Boy, I bought all neutrals in yellow and green and white, and about 2 days before they sucked me in to induce, I bought one-single-yellow tiny rose patterened dress w/ matching ruffly panties, and it was the only dress she had! her second dress was made by Cuna Indian's w/ a native pattern sewn on it in lush riche colors, and she wore that back to the US over a onsie bc it was a sun dress. but ya know I'll tell ya.. if your baby is BALD- BALD, it won't matter if you dress her in pink & ruffles from bum to toes, people are so stoopid they will Still likely think she is a BOY.
so buy what You want and have fun w/ it.
are you having a mid wife or a doula? do you have your birth plan all worked out? (never worked for me but then freck has always been stubborn, lol).
ggg, I wish there were a way that the parents (your mr & the ex) could be made
to Recognise YOUR RIGHTS or Place in the raising of the 2 kids.
I'm not a Step, but I've seen it w/ friends often enough and you know it seems the only time the Step gets noticed is when there is a Problem. doesn't seem very fair.
is there any way mediation might help in this? how is it sinse you've gotten them for the weekend?
how is everyone's weather?
after Hellacious thunderstorms that hit at 4:45 Am, it's been lovely here again, very spring-like and I even discovered that my dogwood is budding in preperation! but the storm was so intense that it even knocked over our heavy grill. crazi. I get more scared than most kids in thunderstorms when they happen at night. ~mascarading as a grown up not so successfully..~
(((((((((BustyMama's & kidletts)))))))) hope everyone is safe & warm & dry!
Mar 3 2007, 11:34 AM
= just time for a pop in here =
y'all remember Churchy Girl, frecke's friend who's dad is a pastor who got all weird & mean to me?
she & frecklette have remained friends, and one day (after she got grounded for staying up all night new year's) she told frecklette that her parents think I talk too much
. well I do, but that's not the reason to be as disrespectful and Nasty as I think they have become towards me this past year.
so I, still seething
over poor churchy girl getting in trouble in the first place, fired back and told frecklette to tell her that I said yeah well I think HER Parents Are UPTIGHT!
and she did.
laughing, like Ok Mom, you said to tell her!
, but it's the truth and there ya go.
so today churchy girl is going to be at a birthday party next door and told freck she was going to LIE to her parents and tell them the party started at 5:00 when it really starts at 5:30
so she could come over here first.
and let's face it, we all talked about how it was probably only a matter of time before churchy girl & her sib's started rebelling against the dictatorship of their home life, but as much as I would Love
to be her lorelie gilmore, I can't condone it.
told frecklette to tell her that while I won't know and won't check
(hellow GUILT but also bc I won't call/talk to them), she's not welcome here if she does lie to be here.
a quandry, bc I admire her spirit of rebellion something fierce, esp in the face of people like that
, but deep in my gut they are her parents, however shitty I think they are and their rules are based on their personal morals so who am I to judge?
.... I Hate taking the High Road.....=walks away kicking stones w/ my toes
Mar 5 2007, 01:08 PM
uber oppressive parents are a drag and i think it leads to more rebellion and worse behavior in the end. the opposite of what those parents are aiming for but are too short sighted to anticipate. it's good that she's got frecklette as a friend and an example of a more balanced family relationship. i think it will give her some perspective when she's old enough to Really rebel. hope so anyhow, for her sake.
let us all know what you find in your research freckle, it's a weighty issue for sure and i get the feeling you like to be pretty informed about these things. i don't have to think about it right now, or at all perhaps, but i'd like to know anyhow.
it's like with the pill though, it certainly did act as a permission slip for myself and so many of my young girlfriends to be promiscuous and even though we knew the other risks most of us took tons of chances anyhow since we couldn't get pregnant and just hoped for the best with the rest. i don't know about birth control for kids aside from condoms. i just don't think it works in most cases. one protection or protection from one major thing was enough for us from what i remember. short-sighted and stupid i know but my memory tells me that that's pretty much how teenagers act all the time
anyhoo, my birth plan is to have met with a midwife and call her when my water breaks and then again after the baby comes. i prefer no interferance from outside "professionals" but they are very handy for filling out all the ghastly paperwork afterwards.
almost my whole crew of girlfriends who were at little's birth are travelling from all over for this baby's arrival. two best girls, my younger sister (whose birth i witnessed when i was 6!), and instead of my fabulous older friend my mom will be there this time. i anticipate a blissful delivery this time too.
great news about mini blanche. it's wonderful to see such a positive affect of your attempts to keep things stable in your family. it's good to know that he's doing so well
Mar 5 2007, 02:18 PM
pepper, although I think you're incredible for remaining TRUE to yourself, I wonder what you've considered if things do go wrong? Is there a hosp or birthing center nearby? I don't want to sound critical, just concerned and curious.
Mar 6 2007, 08:30 AM
mox, i know that it's difficult for most people to imagine an unassisted, pain-free, blissful birth. we are thoroughly innundated with negative birth stories and when a women actually does give birth freely, without interferance (ie taxi birth, it happens ALL the time) it's looked at as the exception to the rule. mucho fear mongering, it's very sad.
thankfully i have a completely alternate view of birth and was able to fully trust myself when little was born. i allowed it to happen naturally, with only him as my guide, and he was born unassisted, pain-free, and blissfully. i do believe that we create our own realities and in this i have been able to manifest only the most positive of experiences. wish i could trust myself this much in other aspects of my life (relationships, etc.) but at least i have it down in one area!this
is a great site if you are interested in checking out some amazing stories of positive birth. if nothing else it's nice to read something good about birth for a change.
Mar 6 2007, 09:48 AM
Oh, I didn't mean the pent-up fear stuff at all. I have the deepest and utmost respect for what you were able to do with little. I guess, I meant "what if you hemmorage"? or "what if littler is not breathing?" like...what if an emergency occurs. My view of a good birth is one where mama and baby are both healthy and thriving afterwards. Everything else is process.
Mar 6 2007, 10:31 AM
it's my personal belief that providing for those circumstances creates them. did that make any sense? it's a deep and complex issue for me, one i've thought about so much but is still very difficult to put into words. i have a deep seated belief that feeding any sort of energy at all into the "what if's" is what makes the what if's occur.
with little i just didn't feel any hesitation or fear at all. it felt perfect, it was perfect. for me it's right into that etheral realm of magic and creation, belief manifestation, total and unquestioning faith. i have a hard time holding onto the fear about birth and the focus on negative things that may happen, i just know that it doesn't have to be that way. the actual number of births with serious complications is pretty low, it's just that doc's interfere all the time way before they have to, "just in case".
i personally know as much about birth as a lay-midwife too, and we're not in the middle of nowhere or anything. my girls will know just what to do as it occurs, don't worry about us. send good vibes!!!
Mar 6 2007, 12:22 PM
oh, pepper, i have to disagree with you about creating those circumstances.
i looked forward to birth as something natural and (i thought) pleasant and interesting. i planned a home birth and was completely unworried about it, though i did study up on basic hygiene, breathing, etc. i really believed it would not be catastrophic, tragic, unbearably painful, or any of those other things. i used to joke that i would just have the baby on the side of the road and it would be fine ( a joke that no one got). i had total faith that this would be a process my body could handle just fine and that it would be a fascinating and absorbing experience.
my actual birth experience was very different than i believed or expected and involved nonprogression and an emergency hospital transport at last minute, in addition to being wracked with nausea, vomiting, and dehydration and going into shock. i really don't think i created those circumstances (and i didn't "provide" for them in any way, including total failure to plan/pack/etc. for hospital). i didn't have any pent-up fear or distaste for the process, but i was pretty fagged by the time i finally got the iv and oxygen, for which i am grateful.
so although i agree with your general attitudes about birth, i think not everyone is as lucky as you. i'm glad you had a great experience the first time, though, and i hope your second is equally beautiful.
Mar 7 2007, 09:11 PM
thanks for the good wishes grenadine. sorry your experience wasn't what you anticipated. it for sure can happen. a good friend of mine had the best of plans for an unassisted birth but her partner just wasn't down with it so they ended up with a midwife and her experience was nightmarish. not even the actual birth, that went fine, it was other things she hadn't thought would ever happen to her. one can never tell.
i do think the other people involved have a LOT to do with it energetically as well. a woman can be so positive and confident and ready but doubtful energy beaming at her from here and there has to have an impact.
i don't mean that in a blameful way at all either, i think it's very much a part of human nature to think about both the positive and negative aspects of things, it's how our brains work. it's just the way it is and it's interesting to think about at the very least.
it the same with being a parent. i wonder how much my thoughts about parenting affect little's and my actual relationship on an energetic level, regardless of my Actions. it's beyond difficult to be strictly positive in Thought and deed.
Mar 8 2007, 07:19 AM
it sounds as if he is trying for more attention.
I might be over-simplifying this a LOT, but maybe all the instability in his time w/ bio-mom ( I tend to think of Bio- Chemical as in HAZMAT & suits & all, not such a bad illiteration!) is really shaking his little psyche. his foundation.
I totally think you handled it ok.
time out was the first thing I thought I would have done as I was reading that.
seperate from the immediate environment for a change of pace and give time to detatche mentally as well.
he looked right up at you after throwing himself to the floor for your reaction.
extra reinforement that you are there with/for him and love him no matter what he does and that he doesn't have to hurt himself for you to be affectionate or cuddly/whatever, all he need to do is ask.
((((((((blanche))))))))) ((((((((((((((((((mini))))))))))))))))) what a tough lot he's gotten, but what a gift he has in you sweetie.
my mama quandry for the month: frecklette has started Lieing to me.
3rd time in the last 2 weeks. each time got busted and from yesterday's she is in lockdown grounding bc it was a multifacted situation and her '3rd strike' on the heels of the previous 2 that we had discussed in great detail.
.. out of all the things w/ her, lieing was Never something I had to worry about.
she knows she can't get away with it, but yet...
probably normal for the age, but so disappointing all the same.
Mar 8 2007, 08:00 AM
It is SO normal for her age, frek. She somewhere thinks she is smarter, faster and more "with it" than you ever could be. That being said, lockdown is a brilliant idea. Were the lies BIG ones?
(((frek and blanche)))
Mar 8 2007, 09:57 AM
the 1st one was trying to fake sick for staying home.
I am the "hippy mom" in that way and generally an easy one to convince if I suspect there is "stupps" that she needs to deal w/ or we need more intense mom/daughter time etc, but this wasn't any of that.
this was just an out of the blue ' I think I'm going to TELL HER I'm Sick & see how far I get' kind of thing.
mistake #1 was forgetting that when she does get sick, the corners of her eye lids get droopy.
every darn time. no faking that.
#2 was, shit, I can't remember, something about school.. (the mr called at 0320 and I am loopy tired now) maybe it'll come to me...
and #3 was about an oral presentation on zora neal heurston she was supposed to present to her class.
I checked out a book by her for her that happened to have a whole glossary of information & background on her so Everything she needed was right there. I watched and helped her do it and helped her memorize it so it's not that she blew it off or it wasn't good.
she should have done it fri, but was out sick w/ the stomack stuff (blood results coudl be back today), so we thought Monday, but when she came home she said she had forgotten her notecards on it.
fine. before bed I left a post it note saying NOTECARDS!!!!!! on her bathroom mirror, and then didn't remember til I was dropping her off and she got a funny look on her face when I offered to run home & find them (she looses a lot of things in her pit of a room) and finally she confessed that it was already too late to present it. and not only that, but that she did it On PURPOSE bc she didn't want to do it in from of everyone. this is for her creative writing class. (which you'd assume she'd Love, but doesn't. says all they do are Projects and really no "writing" like you'd expect.)
soooo... I lost it.
not in a yell and throw things sort of way but more in that's it. this is NOT O K and if you won't stop on your own then I'll give you a Helping Hand and is now grounded from all outside contact away from school and is doing uber chores (currently on 'puppy patrol' for the yard & we have a Big yard and a BIG puppy!).
I know she deals w/ a lot. our life is something that someday she can right a helluva book on and it'll probly become a best seller at that. T, my mr & I realise we ask a lot of her in some lights..but she & I, esp when he is away, draw Closer together. and we are right now, she's sweeter and more considerate by Far the last weeks than in the time before. we have constant very Open discussions about pretty much Everything. she knows there isn't anything she can't ask me or that I'll fuss at her for (unless it's racists,biggoted, small minded or the like and even then we talk about Why it's wrong) bc she knows I care about what goes into her head to feed her mind.
and yah, I'm going to email her writing teacher today to see if there's some sort of class dynamic problem that can be resolved.. I'm probably over-reacting on this whole thing right?
Mar 8 2007, 10:04 AM
crisis in the houses!!
blanche, i agree with freckle that this is probably about acceptance and unconditional love. betcha he feels like he is on shaky ground when his behavior isn't great and that criticism from his teacher made him feel very insecure. i don't think that you losing your cool wasn't ok particularly, he has to know that behavior like that on his part is going to illicit a negative reaction from people in the real world, even his parents. just reinforce that you love HIM and that it's his behavior that isn't ok. over and over and over and over again. 'cause i think there's some damage control to be done there unfortunately. like he's linking his behavior in with how lovable he will be. poor kid, he's too young to be doubting his self-worth like that. freckle's is right too about you being a gift to him in his life. he's real lucky to have you, and you him.
freckle, that lying thing is total crap-o. do they ever stop testing boundaries? Ever?! will she talk to you about what's really up if you ask her in a calm and quiet time? what if you let her know that it really hurts your feelings? not to guilt her or anything, just to let her know how you feel.
my aunt does conflict resolution and student councelling for the school board, i'll ask her how she deals with dishonesty. she always has great stuff to say.
ok, we're off to no computer land for a while. ta ta for now chica-bellas!!
Mar 20 2007, 10:01 AM
When was the last time he saw Bio-Mom?
The BIML (boy in my life) has on again off again weeks, too. He can be majorly out of control all week one week, then fine the next.
But, if he isn't caring about the punishment, it is hard to know how to deal with it.
Pooping issues still, he clogged the toilet up two times in a week (the only times he bm'ed) though we are going to start feeding him Activia Yogurt. They say kids who hold it need a fiber supplement/ gentle laxatie (flax seed oil, etc) so they HAVE to go and canot hold it.
Mar 20 2007, 12:49 PM
((((((((((((blanche & mini)))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((ggg & boy)))))))))))))))))))
out of the blue, frecklette's starting getting emails from her former best friend. the one who moved and all the drama? ( I forgot how I referred to her before.)
the 1st was an early Happy B-Day a Month early (that she remembered at all was a suprise), and so I let freck write back, and then she wrote her back thanking her for writing back telling her she misses her and admitting that she was emailing her on the sly from her dad/step-ish mom.
seriously Not Good.
my natural instinct was to get on there and fire a note to her saying NOO!! you can't do this! it'll make it worse for everyone
. but the reality is, any contact, even if I don't write anything myself, and that frecklette has Laboured (her thought to do so, not mine) over her responses now, keeping them super light so if her dad Did see them, he can't get that mad... is better than none at all.
freck's heard thru a former neighbor out here that still see's her once in awhile that she isn't doing good out there.
I still want to take her.
I don't know exactly where she lives but have a pretty good idea....... I know she'd hop in my car and never look back and damned if I woudln't defend her with my life.
feeling so frustrated and helpless... I hate even more that I know it's in her best interest if I myself don't write anything to her directly either. he'd probably call the cops on me or something, accuse me of stalking her; I mean, woudln't You in that situation?
on a lighter note: friday is frecklette's class field trip to an aquarium on the coast and I'm chaperoning.
I'm excited!! I don't think the kids are though, bc most have been there several times already, but it's a cool place and you can pet the hermit crabs and things like that and it's really beautiful out there to start with.
and we're planning an actual Family Vacay when the mr returns.
the mr's father, through a bizzare strike of insanity, has given us a week free of their time share and told us to pick out the where & when and they'd make the arrangements. they have the option to swap virtually ANYwhere in the world, but we're probably just going to do our coast, the outer banks area near nags head/kitty hawk. I found a hopefully relatively quiet condo w/ lots of dunes and ocean and history and hang gliding (!!) and another larger island to ferry to explore and if it's 1/2 as good as it read I may never want to come home again! one review of the area said they even watched dolphins
play from their balcony- bliss!! in my heart of hearts, I really believe I was a mermaid in a past evolution; unfortunately, in this one, while the love of water remained the skills to swim in it didn't!
spring has arrived here already and I am ready for summer.
Mar 27 2007, 08:44 PM
it was little's bday today and did we ever have a great time. i baked and decorated the night before so when he got up there was a banner and balloons by the table and loads of colourful gift bags stuffed with cool gifts. we had such fun at breakfast, then we went to the science center to see The Human Body which he totally and completely loved, it was awesome. he dragged me from exhibit to exhibit and back again asking a thousand questions and making astute little 6 year old comments, wow. it's not recommended for kids under 13 but i knew he'd love it and he totally did. he especially liked the examples of healthy and diseased organs ('cause we're so into health) and the fetuses at different stages ('cause he could see what our baby-to-be looked like). we watched two i-max movies too, one on bugs (practically his favourite thing in the world) and one on bodies. seeing his wee head swivel around trying to catch all the action on the domed screen was hillarious!
we ordered pizza for dinner and i surprised him with the cake i baked and decorated with fresh berries. it was so great. i used those joke candles that relight and he just had a frenzy of trying to blow them out, ha! that was funny.
he's just gotten spoiled rotten since we left BC, the presents and treats and adventures have been fairly non-stop and since he's not in school or daycare now he's with me all the time so he gets loads of attention or cartoons if i have to do something. i keep my fingers crossed that he'll be reasonable when september rolls around and he's back in classes and all day too with actual lessons and much less goofing around play time than kindergarten and daycare. there aren't very many kids out here until the summer and the ones who are here now are in school themselves so the play dates are really limited. i've even resorted to taking him to sunday school so he can hear a story and do some activities with other children. i sit in and do damage control after (the guilt instilling is so intense!) but it's only for an hour once a week and it's a shame to miss it if we can go.
we left our child-filled parent's co-op in BC to be closer to family and now there is lots of that but not so many other kids. le sigh, in pursuit of being a great parent there is so much that you have to balance. you gotta give up a little of this to have a little of that etc etc and just hope that you're getting the right combination to turn out a happy, healthy, even keeled person at the end of it all. ~~fingers crossed, fingers crossed~~