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I believe that a boxed dozen Dunkin Donuts and uninterrupted movie time w/ the B Brothers might be the missing link to your enjoyment of it. that is what always works for me anyway biggrin.gif
(that and being a hard-core Second City junkie & it all being from chicago !)

what are your big plans for tonight?

probably ordering pizza for us later, and beyond that... eyyyy.. don't know as I even feel up to making my annual kamikazi food coloring suprise cake this year... I just really miss the mr, even though we normally stay in & slug new year's even anyway. so it's good that freck's friend will be here pretty soon, to distract her from the caretaking of me that she has been doing sinse he left. she is Such a fantastic kid lately.

Happy New year everyone!!
you know what i'm doing tonight? same damn thing i've been doing for the last couple weeks. packing. ugh. so not my favourite activity but if i ever want to see the floor again...
i plan on going to bed before midnight though, for the first time in forever. it's my new year's resolution to go to bed by 10pm, even if i'm not sleepy. i can read or crochet but no more of this brushing my teeth business at half past 1 in the am!

happy new year to you all!! many blessings.

mmm donuts.
Thanks for the input, guys! It really helps. I feel better knowing that this is probably just normal behavior. I told his dad about how he acted, and he is going to bring it up to Heikki's therapist. As for the cell phone, my ex-husband just pretty much said, "Tough. You're the kid, she's the mom, and you're not getting a cell phone."

Heikki's dad and I have an OK relationship. BTW - Heikki's dad and my ex-husband aren't the same guy. I had Heikki when I was 20, and I got married when I was 29. I was 19 when I met Heikki's dad, and thought we were bf/gf, but he thought otherwise. I got pregnant, and he pretty much blew me off. Later, when Heikki was about a year old, his dad sued me for parental rights. I was pretty angry at the time, but now he is very responsible, married, has a house, dogs, cats, step-kids, etc. So, I thought it would be better for Heikki to go live with him since I am poor, single, and living in a crappy tiny little apartment. I think Heikki's happier now, too, but he seems to be really angry with me, as well.

Anyway, what I was saying about my relationship with Heikki's dad - I don't really know him that well anymore, ya know? Having grown up a little more, he's just not the kind of guy I would be with at all, let alone have a child with. But he's a good dad, and we talk a lot about Heikki's welfare.

As for NYE - I have to work. sad.gif But I might finish around 10:00 so I can meet some friends downtown at a club that's having 007 Night. Whatever that means. I should dress up like Sean Connery. That's what they mean for everyone to do, right? Especially the women?

Soooooo...I hope you all have a great night! And Freckle - good luck with that Son (daughter) of a Preacher Man tonight. That's who's spending the night, right?

PK, Heikki is a good boy- but he's 12, and therefore a shit to whichever parent he feels he can be a shit to. Last night, the BFF's 10 (almost 11) year old was SUPER mouthy to his mom, and then had the gaul to ask me if I could help him swing staying up late! Normally, I'd totally do it (i'm the auntie, after all), but I told him I'd help only if he could not annoy his mom for 20 minutes. He rolled his eyes at me. He also went to bed on time.


Happy New Year!

I hope you all had a great night last night! I did. We scrapped the 007 Night plan and just went to my friend's house. Her husband cooked spectacular Asian food for us, then we drank champagne and watched a movie.

Heikki stayed up all night playing video games with a buddy. He was tired today. And he is pretty torqued about having to go back to school on - is it tomorrow or Wednesday? Somehow it seems cruel to start school on January 2nd, but maybe he's back in school tomorrow. Poor little dude.

I asked him if he had a New Year's resolution. He thought about it a moment. He does not.
frecklette went back to school this morning already.
of course the buses were all whacked (her middle school shares buses w/ her old ele next door, running second) & am glad I drive her. it was a cold morning to be stuck standing out there waiting.

our new year's was kinda quite but good; she had her churchy friend over (who showed up in shorts & t and no jacket even) who's mom literally drove off before her kid even made it up the drive to our house- weird!
but they had a great time. they played x-box Star Wars Leggo & then Dream Life & ate & ate and were still up at dawn, finally succumbing to sleep about 7 or 8 am, then I woke them at 11 for the girl's parents to pick her up again.
I stayed up til about 6:30 or so, waiting for the mr to sign on so we could chat, so frecklette & I were both trashed yesterday, but in a good way.

even though I am home alone ratteling around w/ the fur kids for the first time sinse the mr left, I'm glad frecklette has school. gives her day more shape & substence.
I wish I could find a job mad.gif .

sounds like you had a great new year's pk; evenings like that are ideal.

mox- too funny!
sometimes kids just do Not Get the Cause & Effect theory & how it directly applies to THEM.
this is one of the ruling forces in frecklette's life, as I explain to her every so often that before she ever even opens her mouth, she's starting the situation in the Win-spot. it's only as she Chooses to smart off/break a rule that she then slides into ruin bc it is Completely Up To Her which way it goes bc the rules never change.
I don't think your BFF's son suffered overly for not getting to stay up & hopefully he'll have leanred from this?
even Auntie's can't be suckered. (ok at least not all the time! smile.gif )
frek- where is the Mr? I know I missed something...
he is gone again mox, but not for so terribly long as before.
he was here for xmas and that was what mattered most, bc last year he came home 2 weeks after and it sucked bigtime, so no complaints.

and no, I don't think I posted about it here bc I wrote about it in Letters and don't want to be a whiner about it.

frecklette's handling it wonderfully so far and has been just amazing in acting better than usual.
if only she could be this good ALL the time wink.gif
ok that's it!

churchy girl is not allowed to spend the night w/ us again bc she stayed up so late New Year's Eve.
she also told frecklette not to call for a few weeks now either.


what the hell is wrong w/ these people?!

it's New year's Eve! if they didn't want her to not sleep, then why let her stay at all?
I was the one who told her mom when she (suprise) came to the door for her the next day that she was probably going to be really tired bc they had just gone to sleep a little while before that.
little did I know I was apparently committing a CRIME mad.gif .

now do y'all see that every single time she is here there is Some sort of issue?

these people really rock-my-boat .
==end of rant w/ apologies==
QUOTE(blanchedeveraux @ Jan 2 2007, 09:49 PM) *

wtf, freck, I'd be pissed, too!

If they didn't want their daughter to stay up, they should have talked to you about what your plan was for the night, when they would go to bed, etc.

You can't drive off before your kid even gets to the door, and then bitch about anything! She's f*ing lucky yall are good people and all the kids did was play games - I swear, these are the people that pay no attention to what their kids are doing, then blame tv or music, or say "how could i have known that other parent was a pervert!?"

Grrrr... I'm sorry. Mini is younger than freck, and already there are such ignorant parents in his grade. I can't stand it. I had a kid dropped off here for a play date a month ago... parents met me once for about 5 minutes, had never been to my house, and didn't have my phone number. Just dropped off their 6 year old and showed up 3 hours later to pick him up. ugh!
meanwhile, at Casa Deveraux:

Dad: you're not going to leave this couch until you finish reading this page.

Mini: (starts sobbing in grand tantrum form)

Dad: Cry all you want, when you're done the page is still going to be here for you to finish reading.

Mini: Then I'm going to cry for...ev...errrrrr!!! waaaaa! (choke, sob, choke)

Things always go so smoothly when Dad is on homework duty!

that's just it- churchy girls parents apparently think I'm some sort of bad-housekeeping ultra liberal floosie , based on things their child has said to frecklette. which is laughable, bc while No, I don't have a stick up my ass skewing apparently Both of them (they don't allow any of the 4 kids (5-16) to watch a show/movie unless it's suitable for the 5 yr old youngest son) in Today's Society? I'm practically Mother F'in Theresa! mad.gif .............. yanno I Just Don't KNow.
yes I Am a FEMINIST, and admittedly, occasionally a bit left of center dancing down the swirly rainbow path of art-lovin' soul-evolving philosophy, but yet I have a daughter who is probably 20 X's more conservative than I could ever even Dream Of!
it's one of the great funnies of my life: I try to encourage her in delinquincy (like the time I made her skip school bc she had a dentist appt in the afternoon & I was too tired to get up early to take her for the 1/2 day; she was pissed! or on Halloween when I wanted to take her out T-P-ing & she absolutely Refused.) and the kid just won't do it. it's like she's incorruptable wink.gif .
I am so careful about the music she listens to, and the websites she goes to, and I always insist on meeting her friends and their parents and going to their home first and knowing at least a bit about them... so me Myself yah I'm sort a hippy in some ways, but in terms of My CHILD I am pretty uptight. I really honest to pete don't know what these f'people want from me.
and it's taking a Lot for me not to call them up and say " hey- that was MY Fault the girl's didn't go to bed, bc I Let Them stay up bc it was new year's, as especially I never thought they'd make it much past even say 1:00 Am. they suprised me. please don't punish H for My Mistakes." but I doubt it would do any good.
makes me want to do terrible things like call and prank them now... call them and tell terrible knock knock jokes every time til they finally start laughing bc clearly, something sucked all the joy and laughter from their lives and it's made them twisted, angry and bitter.

= end rant again! = ( and I am sorry, again.)

blanche I just cannot fathom someone dropping off their child at your home for a playdate w/out even a Phone # for you?

what the hell is wrong with people today!?!? ( ok so maybe I'm not quite done ranting just yet)

do they think their kids are just so Expendable?
or is that bc your kid goes to the same school as their kid, you Must be ok and not be a child abuser/drug user/ etc etc? I guess I must be fatalistic, but an awful lot could happen to a child in 3 hours time, even in " good" homes.

le SIGH!

how is Mini doing now?
does he understand what has gone on w/ his bio mom and why he can't visit her for at least awhile now?

your dialog over he & the mr doing homework made me tongue.gif , thankyou.

oh blanche honey Please don't feel any guilt over what you had no control over.
it played out the way, the Only way, legally speaking, it could, and you did everything w/in those confines to keep Mini safe. you're a wonderful mama to him and he is so fortunate to have you & the mr bc you are doing things the Right Way, always keeping his best interest at heart.

such a lot for Mini to deal with, but you too so I hope your mr fully appreciates the kind of woman he married; personally, you're my hero for all that you've done.

blanche, does he have a therapist or someone to talk to? i'll bet he feels guilty about feeling relieved and that can't be good. poor wee man, i can't imagine my little having to deal with that. his pop is a party-man, i only ever let him be with little AND me together, during the day. he never tried to get visitation, i just made time for all of us and when i moved far away it was no big deal to him.

freckle, i think you have to go and have a sit down with those people. avec your mister if possible so you have some back up 'cause it sounds like they might try to be shitty to you. if they are at all resonable they might respond to a clearing the air and clearing up misconceptions, setting of common ground rules, devising of a method of communicating special rules etc kind of thing. i mean, it's for the girls, they're friends and they need to have a good example of conflict resolution and mature communication set for them by their parents. surely they'll be open to some dialogue with you about that?
good luck!
blanche, to my mind that's like thinking that you (you being a parent in general, not You) can give your child stitches when they gash open a limb. of course i think open commmunication is a Terrific thing to encourage but we aren't experts in child psychology, how on Earth are we supposed to just intuitively be able to deal with something like what you're going through? my heart goes out to you woman, i wouldn't know how to deal with that one on my own.
again, not a parent in this situation, but an auntie. OUr BFF's son was about mini's age when all the shite with his birthmom went down at first, and a therapist has doen WONDERS for him. Honestly, pepper is right- emotions can be looked at and treated like any medical problem...if he had a learning disability, would you hesitate to get him a tutor? Its a tutor for his communication and emotions. that's all.
Thanks everyone for all the responses. I really think valid points were made, and now I have let him play with the dolls (if he chooses to) make up or heels though. And to be honest I SWEAR once he saw that I showed it was ok, or didn't take it from him he acts like he doesnt want to play with them!!!!!! (but if he sees my daughter playing with one, he will take it just to be mean!)

I guess I seemed nazi about it at first because my family was acting all freaked out and homophobic about it...And I guess them doing him like that effected me.

That is crazy how you all knew what you were talking about (not that I assumed you didn't!)

It just really made me smile inside when I saw that others people input was dead on and worked. And helped me when I was about to start freaking.

I am so much calmer and just happy about it. I don't even think about it at all... Its like once I got my feelings off my chest about it it seemed to work itself out.

Now I feel like an ass because I was stressing it a little too much, and even beginning to worry about it in the long term.

Man bust vibes are magic, and the busties are magical too smile.gif

Thanks for all who posted back to me!
hold your ground blanche, and maybe persuade the mr to see that the only stability Mini can expect from his bio birther is Instability, and what adult, let alone a wee small boy- can deal w/ that successfully alone continuously?

you're so doing the right thing which ultimately will show itself when you have a happier, better adjusted (w/in the situation) little boy.

ok, Sex Ed at frecklette's school.
1st let me say, I personally don't feel it's the school's place to teach my child about sex bc it's my responsibility as a Parent to do so, but as so many parents Don't, ok, I can go with it.

but yesterday frecklette brought home a permission slip for her to be in the class for the modules of it (you had to sign either Granting or Deniing (sp) parents consent and yes, I Did give my consent, but this particular item really burned me.

3.07 (6 total) : "Evaluate how a mutually faithful monogamous heterosexual relationship in the context of marriage is the best lifelong means of avoiding sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV/AIDS."

I underlined the hetero word, bc it is so Dark Ages.
you know & I know there are already a certain % of kids in that school that will be gay, some of them already know this I am sure, but this one line alone screams "You're WRONG!!! you're damaged, you're not NORMAL" etc etc and it really upsets me.

what about the kids that are being raised by 2 moms or 2 dad's? did they stop to think how that might make them feel?

I guess bc frecklette's grown up in a world where racially she's always had friends of all different races and nationalities and never been aware of people being anything but people, that this makes me really sad.
she knows what gay means and knows that it's ok to be gay or to have friends that are, that it doesn't make them any worse or different in a terrible way. that line to me says otherwise.

maybe it's that we are in the Bible Belt where politics are still pretty conservative and the right wing churches wield a lot of power and influence bc this is a State Sponosored Program and I'll grant you that the 8th grade program does get a little more invasive in terms of comparing contraceptives and their effectiveness rates so YAH for That, but ultimately again, that is 1 module out of 7 that discusses how to protect yourself if you do have sex, and the others are all about Just Don't Do It At All.

and that's fine, bc I alone am not going to make them change things, but I Can use this as yet Another springboard to talk to frecklette about sex and real life. honestly, some of this I wasn't planning on talking to her about yet bc while she might have a crush here and there, she's nowhere near even her first kiss, but that's ok. they can force my hand and we'll come out better for it and she knows she has a mom that she can <cross my fingers/knock on wood> Always come to to get the right information, even when I have to look some of it up on the internet for accuracy! tongue.gif

I'm sorry my last few posts have been so LONG everyone, I'll talk less from here out!
oh, OH UGH!! warped and twisted. yechhy. she's so lucky she has you to buffer her "education". gah.

blanche, good for you. it's worth it to look at every possibility and try every and anything that might be helpful. it's not going to hurt and it sure might help. it doesn't mean that he's not a great dad or that you aren't great parents together, asking for help when you're out of your league (like a very traumatic situation that's hard for a grown up to deal with, etc) IS being a great parent. lots of people have a thing about therapy, that alone can be a big issue to deal with. i'm glad you're sticking your ground on this for mini's sake.

so we're moving and the house has been a catastrophe. boxes and stuff everywhere, most of our things packed away, constant state of chaos. add to that the fact that we're moving far away and little has just been a clingy, sucky, demanding person to be around. i've been lap cuddling him as much as he needs and i've packed up my room so i'm sleeping in his bed with him every night and waking up together in the morning for snuggly cartoons which is helping the sucky factor immensely. i'm concerned about making the transition easy for him though and wonder if there's something else that i can do. we've talked and he knows what we're doing, how, when etc. i guess all i can really do is be as attentive as i can and include him in packing and planning. le sigh. tough stuff.
freckle, i wanna weigh in on the sex-ed stuff a bit if i may....i don't know what you circle of friends is there, if you're the lone bastion of leftist, feminist, whateverist wisdom or if you have other adult role models for freck to look up to, but i grew up in a funny sort of liberal bubble set in a very rural, very conservative town and, though i didn't get real straightforward "sex ed" until 11th grade (can you believe that! and most of us had lost our virginities by or around then anyway--the 8th grade class i had just went over anatomical differences and my hippie teacher told us that masturbating "wastes your energy"), i grew up around a bunch of different types of adult relationships and my mom was great at being really unbiased and answering any question i asked.

my highschool sex ed teacher told us that "gay is something that happens in the army or in jail where men don't have any other choice". I SWEAR TO GOD HE TOLD US THAT AND EXPECTED US TO BELIEVE IT. but, you know, i don't, and i didn't believe it then, and i think that if i'd been in 8th grade when told that i still wouldn't have believed it. i think you're totally right, that sex ed is the parents' job and not the school's, so just make sure freck knows that what she gets taught isn't the ONLY way of doing things. i know she'll probably wince at this, but maybe try and discuss what she learned after each class and gently ask her questions to get her to start evaluating what she's been taught, and how she really thinks things are.
one other thing about that though... i don't think sex ed is the parents job and not the schools because i don't think parents make the best teachers for kids that age (they don't want to hear anything from us!) and i also don't think that most parents are any more capable of teaching 10 yr olds sex ed than they are capable of teaching them math or science. i do think it's the parents responsibility to make sure that the school system is teaching a reasonable version of sex ed though, and history for that matter, and to monitor the lessons taught in school but... we're not professionals, most people don't know the medical, technical truths about our bodies and our sexuality (including std's) even if they think they do and what we end up teaching is what we know. sadly, it's often not very much.
then again, i won't be teaching my kids about religion either so as not to influence their choice in the matter. fostering a healthy attitude about people, sex and spirituality? you bet. but making what i think and feel what they think and feel? no way. not even if i think i'm a great person for the job, i think we're just too close to our kids to be objective about those things.
you know, if family therapy skeeves the mr. out, you might want to try and sell him on child therapy that you both can sit in on as needed. What a biatch, seriously.

Frek- I'd blow a GD gasket, honestly. I mean, it may be as simple as they HAVE to say that to get the funding (from the fundies in gov't!) for the class at all, but still. We already tell moxette "when you grow up and get married, we don't care if its a boy or girl, so long as they're nice to you." And I get grandbabies. I care about that, too. I doin't tell her that part, though. smile.gif
you might be right, that in order to get any funding, they have to conceed on a certain amount of issues.
that said, if that is what they were doing, and their intent is to get Any sex ed in the classrooms, in my eyes they still lost the battle for winning the war, you know?

this whole area, most of the state as far as I know, is pretty conservative. (including the mr but thankfully he's uncomfortable discussing this sort of thing w/ frecklette so won't interfer and has suprizingly been totally ok w/ the gay friends I've had over the years- yah mr!) so as far as anyone but me being less than so, not that I've met in a Long Time. not anyone we're close with now. and not that would have any influence or weight to frecklette's opinion of things. an example of this is when Bust comes in to BAM, they only get like 3 copies of it, which are promptly snatched up by the young women that work there and it's the Only local you can find it at.
you're so right mouse, I need to ( as I had planned) explain to frecklette that while the things they said in class Are Valid, it is NOT THE ONLY OPTION. my sister alone didn't marry the father of her kids til my oldest nephew was 2 or 3, having lived w/ him several years up to that. when we were in nashville frecklette got to meet a friend of mine who is a cop. I love that she is a cop bc she is female and it's still the bastion of men. she's also gay. frecklette knows this, and thinks she's terrific.
sometimes I think Example is the best tool of all.

as to parents not being their kids teachers.. I don't know that I fully agree w/ you on that pepper, bc we are their First Teachers, again, so much by example. if we practice and demonstrate tolerance and compassion, do our children not often imitate that too?
and as freck grows up, I continually educate myself on the issues affecting her and her peer group, including Sex! (those rubber rainbow bracelets really threw me for a loop let me tell you!)

I don't mean to disagree w/ you, bc in terms of some subjects, you're right. some parents are totally unqualified to "teach" their children anything, but sex is not just academic. it's medical/physical and morality and religion and a whole lot of others things all rolled into one and as I cannot change what the school teaches, I can certainly supplement and balance it more to my/our beliefe system.

now as to your move... this is something I have MUCH expereince in (16x's and holding)..

you didn't say when this physically occures? but when it does, my best advice for you would be to Set Up Little's Room First. right after you put toliet paper on the new holder, set it up as much as you can right away. his bed, at least a box of his very favorite toys, rug on the floor, curtains up whatever.
make it as comfortable and familiar to him as you can , so he can start adjusting to it immediately.

not only will it be easier for him to adapt that way, but it also gives you then the freedom to accomplish more as well, bc he will be safe in his own space .

we've moved w/ frecklette a total of 14 times I think it is now (several when she was too small to remember) and every time that has worked well for us. spend time to make time in the practical sense, but also makes a smoother transition for him. also, you might want to consider if you have time, getting a camera for him and letting him make a small scrapbook of the people and places he loves and will miss.
this can be a great comfort to him too, til you start to meet people and make friends in your new place.

just some thoughts though, no absolutes smile.gif
I hope you are being careful & not trying to do too much yourself right now; please take care of all of you's smile.gif

busty mama's rock in the truest sense, thankyou all~
thank you so much freckle and blanche. we have moved a couple of times and i do try to get things set up quickly with all our familiar stuff. i can get the whole place unpacked, pictures up on the walls and everything, in about two days. it's part of my OCD, i can rest until a task is complete. there's a shuffle for months to come, of course, until i get it all perfect, but i'm a chronic furniture rearranger anyhow.
this time will be different though. we're going to my moms where things are familiar to me but little hasn't been there for 2.5 years so who knows what he'll remember. he's coming up on 6 now and seems to have a long memory and there are friends of his there so fingers crossed he adjusts quickly and well. we'll be there until after the baby comes, i'm hoping to get settled somewhere of our own by august in time for school and then we'll be doing this all again.
i like the idea of getting him a camera to take pictures and the treasure box. we have tons of pics of him in his room and with friends here and all over town so he'll always have those. he's a big collector of rocks and strange little ground findings too, he's sure to add some of that. we're taking some favourite toys and books and such and there is so much crazy fun stuff to play with at my moms. she's a musician and is going to give him lessons too which he's looking forward to. i can't wait actually, we're both really excited about being at grandma's house, little loves his grandma something fierce. they have hour long conversations on the phone all the time.
one thing i'm really looking forward to is not having a tv. i'm not taking ours so it'll be a great transition 'cause we won't have one wherever we get settled later either. that's making me so dang happy i can't even stand it!
we're out of here at the end of the month so i'll be kissing you guys goodbye for a good long time. not yet though, i still have some time.
pepper, another thing we always did was put essentials - clothes, favourite toys etc - in a suitcase. the first thing we moved and the first we unpacked. we also got do do the unpacking ourselves, which makes it fun and exciting. good luck!
blanche, what are the scout leaders doing at these meetings that you have to supervise other people's kids? the first thing i'd do is have a talk with them and see if they'll have a talk with her. geesh.
as for play dates, could you implement ground rules with N at the start and work around getting him to follow them or you call his 'rents and have him picked up early? let them know that you had a hard time getting him to listen to you the last time and that you may be calling them early, then do it if you need to. maybe you could describe some of the behavior and ask them what their solutions are so you can try it at your house. that will at least bring some awarness of the problems to them. they sound a little clueless though.
and no WAY would i take a kid without a list of contact numbers and a health care number. i mean, i know first aid but i don't want to have to use it in an emergency! i do a lot of childcare and i have a check list of things i need before kids get left with me. spare clothes, those phone numbers, a list of behavior/food issues, etc. i know my own little, anyone else's is a mystery at first.

well, the packing is coming along and the wee man is adjusted to it just fine. i forgot how flexible kids are, he's going to do great. he's a good little traveller.
now, if i could only get through the mountains of flotsam and finish up. why is it always the end bits and pieces that take so dang much time? grr.
mercy. some people's children, and by that i mean the grown ups!
tell me he at least called you before he came for pick up so you could give the boys the ten and five minute warnings that play time was about to end.
just goes to show, any moron can make a baby, it doesn't take a license or anything and some people never bother to educate themselves about kids At All. it's a freaking tragedy.
*sigh* no kidding. oh well, all you can do is make gentle suggestions i guess, and set a good example by not being a bozo yourself. frustruating.

yes, there will be no internet there. i will be technologically deprived for a good long time, no tv, no car or public transport, a wood burning stove, etc. it'll be fun, i'm looking forward to it. oh, and no bathtub either. that part sucks, i love to soak and little Hates the shower. i'm going to have to think up something for him quick, a kiddie pool? hmm...

this is my current challenge:
little has gotten growing pains for the past couple of years in his legs mostly. sometimes he wakes up and wants me to rub him, sometimes he wants a hot water bottle. sometimes he fakes it as a way to be whiney and try to get out of stuff, like school this morning... i've had a talk with him about not telling the truth and what that means and such but it's an easy thing for him to start whinging about when he's feeling sucky.
now, i know that this move is trying for him too but he does this all the time. i'm figuring out how to reinforce the honesty concept with him and better ways to express himself when he's not looking forward to something or wants some more attention and also accepting the things that have to happen, like school! but any suggestions are welcome. hopefully i'll hit on the thing or combo of things that work for him.
Pepper, I've had "growing pains" since I was about 6, and still get them, even now at 33. Stress & emotional turmoil bring them on like clockwork - I can always tell when I'm subconsciously bottling things up... My point is, Little may not be making it up, per se; given the amount of change on your horizon, he may be stressed out & tensing up without even realising it. Maybe some low-key yoga moves with mom in the evenings? It could be a good time for you two to connect & do something together, maybe talk about school tomorrow & how he's feeling... just my 2 cents...
ok, I'm sorry, this totally doesn't relate to any of the most current discussions and I'm sorry.

I saw frecklette's ex bff today. the one w/ allll the stuff that happened?

as I was driving past her former house (not on purpose, it's on the road we have to travel out of our neighborhood so we go past many times a day) she was at her old neighbor's house,on the porch swing w/ the neighbor girl.
she saw my car & yelled " M r s __________________ !!!!! " and it took me a second to recognize her sinse her hair is much more brown than it had been, and that she was there at all was a suprise.
so I slowed down, started to stop, changed my mind and drove a little farther, then was going to turn around, and then finally just drove on bc I didn't know where her dad was.


I went on to the store and was quick, and had decided that if she was still there when I passed again, I might stop, depending on how things looked.
this is the neighbor that I think sometimes took her in and tried to help her as we did, but as their daughter is a snotty bratty " look at ME" blond child (no offense but I do DESPISE kids like that) who seemed to really get off trying to show off when I was around, and then get pissy when I'd ignore her, I just really wasn't sure of the reception I'd get from the family; you know?

but she wasn't outside, or maybe even not there at all anymore, so I guess it doesn't matter now anyway.
I did sort of 1/2 wave when I saw her, but mostly, to her, I just drove on by.

I am deeply deeply sad in a bad and awful way now.
I don't know what her life is like, I hope against everything it's better, but in the end, I didn't save her at all and instead pushed her to her future that much faster.
some mom I am. sad.gif
What does being blonde have to do with the child's disposition? I'm sorry if this is snotty, but I think it is unfair to label a child, no matter how she behaves, by her hair color. People used to do that to other kids by way of skin color. I know you are not a bigot or anything, but it offended me.

Blanche, I would confront the mother. Not in a mean way, but explain that I don't approve of N's behavior, especially when he was at my house and until he can treat all adults (site the incidents) with the respect they deserve, Little will not be permitted to socialize with him outside of school. Make nice, on how parenting little boys is hard, like she must know, but your home has rules, that N was unable to abide by and it sets a bad example for Little.

If it pisses her off, it is because she knows you are right.
I totally don't mean any disrespect towards anyone as I said, but I have a personal issue w/ , um, well, some blondes. I think bc that was the hair pigment of a lot of the girls that picked on me when I was in elementary school maybe? and that over the years I've seen an awful lof of blonde-girls get coddled and petted much more than say, their darker haired siblings. I have also not had one single successful relationship with anyone like that, natural or not. it's my own weird personal issue. and for the record: my own mother told me recently I was born a blonde so what does that say about me?
I was born a red head that lightened to blonde;)

Sometimes we make self fulfilling prophecies for people, or treat them more harshly because of a preconceived notion about a certain trait.

I get sensitive about it because I am a natural blonde and have had other women and men be mean to me about it, treat me like I am an idiot, or a spoiled bitch, etc.

Just saying, you know I love some Freckle. biggrin.gif
I totally heart you too gg, you know that.
and you're right, preconcieved notions can be powerful indeed.
this little girl is just such a Nelly though!
she actually, just Recently as a matter of fact, was riding her bike past my house w/ a friend and started talking about freck's bff On Pupose when she saw me sitting out there. I know this bc she looked over at me and her voice grew louder by several decibels. little snot. I feel fairly sure I am the villianess in all this, even though she would have most certainly have moved regardless.
I really wanted to grab an umbrella or tree branch and stick it in her bike spokes to send her sailing over the handlebars. I am so Awful!

le sigh.

and yes, to agree, talk to the Mom Blanche.
let her know that your house has stricter rules and that you've had some problems w/her little the last few times he was there and it was becoming a real problem for you as it was encouraging Your Little to break them. make sure you at least feign respecting their (lack thereof) parenting.
- when her son has been at your house do you go over your House Rules each time he arrives?
I do this still, even w/ kids that have been to our house many many times.

I don't know, stupid people suck and I wish we could all go live in a commune w/ other like-parenting people and woudln't have to deal w/ stuff like that, and the other stuff, in the beginning.

People don't always believe I'm a natural (ok, dark ashy) blonde. But there does seem something about that particular sort of child that predisposes them to be blonde. wink.gif

blanche, talk to the mum. you can refuse, and seem rude about it. who cares what she thinks, Little is the one that matters. And she'll learn if more people start to complain.

*goes back to lurking*

hillarious! he looks like the only one having any fun. enough for all them though!
laugh.gif That second one is so "Last Supper"!
Hi Mommas,

Does anyone know of a program (nationwide, or local to Illinois if you know) that helps single parents with middle level income still qualify for childcare assistance or thats helps them with childcare assistance?

If you know please tell me as soon as possible.

I called the YWCA but they don't help with things like that.

(also, where should I crosspost this to get more responses?)
hey free, you might want to post in the general knowledge thread, and maybe even midwestern mamas if you're looking for IL in particular....

good luck!
Hey Momma to be! How are things going with the bean?

I'll do just that...Thanks!
I was thinking that too!

everyone ok?
so busy, ugh.
little and i went for haircuts today. i was there All Day getting some straightening, colour, cut and blowdry. he showed up for the end and got a trim and entertained all the girls, what a flirt! i always go to the school near my house, all that work for both of us cost less than $50 with tip and they do a fantastic job! we look great just in time for travel.
we're outta here in a couple of days, the house is empty, i'm running around like a headless chicken, and little is "bored", of course. i'm here all day everyday getting it all in order for the movers though so i'll still be checking in for a bit longer.
and all of you???
wow pepper I still can't believe you are actually going!!

I mean, I think it's great and wonderful and I know it will be such a good place for you & little and baby bean yet to be but we're gonna miss you something awful!!!!!!!!!!!!

are you doing ok? I mean not over doing it or anything, geesh geesh, just take such good care!

I bet your hair looks wonderful and your own mother is going to be all veklempt when she see's what a beautiful MotherWoman she gave birth to and raised. sigh.

o my goodness, i LOVE THAT! chillypepper, that's gonna stick. how does it feel freckle to be the first to bestow a nickname on the little? i haven't even started calling the wee thing anything yet. chillypepper, oh i lurve it so!
hey, i'll check in. there's internet at the library!

of course i'm overdoing it, there's only me to do it all! i'm so overwhelmed by everything that's left to do that i can't focus on doing anything at all, arrgghhh! little's last day of school is tomorrow so while he's there i've got to try and give the kitchen and bathroom a final wipedown, wash the walls in the hall way, foyer, little's room, vacuum, wash the front hall floor, tape the tops of all the boxes closed, paint one wall, wash the deck, set the over self-cleaner (i keep forgetting!), steel wool the inside of the oven door, pack up a travel lunch and get rid of all the left overs, stitch a couple of things that need fixing, do a load of laundry, move the bed and box spring and my sewing table downstairs, get our suitcases in order and do a final walk through with the building manager. whew, are you tired yet?
hope i remembered it all.

ok, i gotta get going and do something tonight before i fall over!
QUOTE(pepper @ Jan 25 2007, 02:49 AM) *

o my goodness, i LOVE THAT! chillypepper, that's gonna stick. how does it feel freckle to be the first to bestow a nickname on the little? i haven't even started calling the wee thing anything yet. chillypepper, oh i lurve it so!
hey, i'll check in. there's internet at the library!

of course i'm overdoing it, there's only me to do it all! i'm so overwhelmed by everything that's left to do that i can't focus on doing anything at all, arrgghhh! little's last day of school is tomorrow so while he's there i've got to try and give the kitchen and bathroom a final wipedown, wash the walls in the hall way, foyer, little's room, vacuum, wash the front hall floor, tape the tops of all the boxes closed, paint one wall, wash the deck, set the over self-cleaner (i keep forgetting!), steel wool the inside of the oven door, pack up a travel lunch and get rid of all the left overs, stitch a couple of things that need fixing, do a load of laundry, move the bed and box spring and my sewing table downstairs, get our suitcases in order and do a final walk through with the building manager. whew, are you tired yet?
hope i remembered it all.

ok, i gotta get going and do something tonight before i fall over!

pepper I am truly so honored that I got real tears in my eyes when I read that!
((((((((((((((((((pepper-pack hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))) wish I could get my hands on ya right now to really do that, and to HELP YOU with all that you are going to do today!!!!

is there no one who can help at all?
oy oy this distresses me deeply.

is little ok w/ the move now?
the last day at school can be so sad... my heart hurts a little for that in solidarity.

PLEASE try to go easy Pepper. I know you have a lot to do, but for criminey's sake, is the world going to end if you don't get the walls wiped down? ( I never do that.shhhh!) or give the deck more than a cursory spray? oy!

= going to stop trying to order your life around now though = sorry!

and yah- you Better stay in touch chicka, or we'll have to plan a Mama's ROAD TRIP to come and find you again!

blanche, i'm so glad to hear the mr agreed to therapy for mini. do you all sit it on the session, or does he go in alone?

and i bet teach will back off in a bit. she's probably just offering every little tidbit as a "reporter", because she spends so much time with him. if she doesn't chill, i don't see any reason not to have a little talk with her. you certainly don't need the added stress.

i'm worried about little mr hellion causing real pain and suffering someday. someone needs to smack his mom upside the head. (yes, i realize the hypocrisy in that statement. i just have zero tolerance for clueless parents. especially parents of bullies.)
awesome blanche, that's good stuff. glad to hear he's doing so well, it will all stand him in good stead whatever happens when b-mom gets released.

girls, don't worry about me. i went to the chiro this morning, had breakfast and tea out with my girlfriend, tooled around down town grabbing last minute stuff and then she came over and helped my finish up the stuff. we made great headway, it's nearly done. a quick once over in the bathroom and kitchen, sort the bits left over in the fridge, paint that one wall, scrub the deck, repack, laundry, return a couple things down town and then we're off!! woo hoo!
i have to get the place ship shape because they'll try to keep my security deposit if i don't and i want that $300 back! darn those dirty rat bastards!

ok, computers getting packed up now. much love chicas! talk to you when we get somewhere. xo, ME!!!

Good luck with the move, Pepper!

::waving to the mamas and relurking::
blanche- that is SO remarkable that you've got a thereapist for mini! GOOD FOR BOTH OF YOU!!! I bet he already feels safer and that he has an outlet for his emotions and that he's getting the attention he needs (granted, he can't verbalize all that), and so his behavior is improving. Not to be a debbie-downer, but it might also be a "if i'm better, biomom will get better and want me" thing, too. We went through that for a while with BFF son. For him (and he was just about mini's age...maybe a year or two older) when he started with his therapist, he has gone through a remarkable series of changes. TOday, I'd say he's probably more sure of himself and more togther than most adults I know.

Of course, he's still a little shit quite often...but he's 11. What else to expect, right?

Anyway, must be superwoman of 2nd trimester with all that energy! Good luck on the move!

Mandi, how's danny? Frek, how's freklette?

Moxette is funnypants these days. latest pics
yay blanche! and yay mini!

good luck pepper!

*goes back to wanting to snorgle moxette* that smile!

I'm spending too much time in here. I'm becoming positively broody.
blanche, give mini a little extra SQUISHY hug from his bustie-aunties! He should get extras all the time!
one nine hour car ride behind us and one more day of not much to do until we fly out. we're totally piked out, all slept in this am and watching movies and goofing off today. it's nice.
computer keeps crashing though so hi again when we get to the big shitty, Oops, i mean City!! ha ha.
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