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I HATE it as well. This year is especially weird since I've had some car trouble am, planning a trip and it'll be one year since my beloved dog passed away. Oh, and to add insult to injury, Pittsburgh has been extremely warm. I love cold weather and haven't put a coat on in 5 days. I just want it to be cold and the holidays to be over so I can stay home and no one will care.

QUOTE(pho#1 @ Nov 29 2006, 03:19 AM) *

i absolutely HATE the whole xmas mania. the stupid commercials, the music, crowds of shopping people. i just try to ignore it as much as possible and wait for it to be over.

Luna, i'm exactly the same, i find it extremely difficult to be in social situations. my husband is a DJ so it has started to become a problem in our relationship. i start freaking out sometimes 3 days before a party and then usually have a panic attack right before going. stupid right? parties are supposed to be fun.

i've started getting acupuncture treatments and taking st. john's wort tincture regularly. it really seems to be helping, especially for sleeping.

pho#1 and gogirlie-

it is so consumerist crazy, nonstop christmas carols, and really love-as-bought-stuff during this time.

holy days, much?

gogirlie, i can relate with the dog. last night, i was reading about this time last year, when my dog died. he was the sweetest dog ever (i guess everyone says that), and i cried about it, which felt really good. it had been a while since i'd thought of him. i grew up with him, so he'll always have a place in my heart.
I have anxiety, and I've been wondering about something these past months...

I'm 19 (soon to be 20 - I can't believe it), and I had a job for a week at a cafe last August that just did me in. I had never worked before, I recieved zero training, I was always doing something wrong and nobody could help me - I just couldn't (or didn't want to?) handle it emotionally. I knew that food service would be a stressful job for someone with my problems, but I was desperate for a job. I went into it thinking that I "should" be able to do anything, because that's just what adults do...but was I wrong to think that? I feel guilty for having quit - I often think to myself that I should of just stuck it out (because, you know, that's what adults do). Other people have crap jobs all the time - why couldn't I do it?

I guess what I'm asking is, is it okay to take baby steps? Is it okay to say, "I should consider an 'easier' job?" Was it a bad idea to throw myself into a situation that I knew would suck? My approach has often been "all or nothing" (my choice usually being "nothing," because "all" is too scary), but I don't think it's really gotten me anywhere. Normally I would tell myself that I should be able to suck in my gut and do everything, or else I must be pathetic and weak - but I know that's just the depression-like symptoms talking, so I don't know what to think.
spiderella, working in food service is tough for people without issues, believe me! i've only hostessed & catered a few times, but it was enough to know that working in a restaurant and a bank is something i should never ever do. people and their money, and people and their food are lethal combinations. and the fast-paced pressure and i don't mix. even tho i'm good with people, i don't think fast on my feet. i panic easily.

i think babysteps is definitely the smaht way to go, and nothing to be ashamed about. maybe make a list of jobs you'd love to do, and then try to examine how realistically you'd fare in them. i bet you'll be surprised at what you think you're capable of. maybe a small bookstore (if any still exist!) or boutique.

tis one of the reasons i am mired in my job. i'm too chickenshit to leave my cozy, safe, non-pressured work environment for a "real job" with any kind of responsibility. and besides, i have no idea what i want to do. at my age, i can't just jump blindly anymore and hope it works out. this has got to be a well-thought out career change. talk about pressure!

and i can very much identify with the i-should-be-able-to-do-this mindset. i've been fighting my depression/anxiety for years, thinking i should be able to put on my big girl panties and just do it. one of the things that got me thru 9/11 was david letterman's very moving "pretending to be courageous is just as good as the real thing." and for the most part, it worked. or so i told myself. but not anymore. i'm only now recently coming to the realization that i need professional help. i just pray the specific issue i'm suffering thru right now is only temporary.

hope everyone else is hanging in.
hell yeah it's ok to consider an "easier" job. i wish i had walked out of a few of my crappy jobs in the past that made me miserable.
if they didn't train you or help you, that's their problem. don't feel guilty, try to move on and find something you're good at and like to do.

like, for me i eventually figured out that i prefer working with plants to people so that's what i'm doing now.
I've been dealing with anxiety on some level or other since high school... however I'm afraid that it's getting worse. I find myself lying in bed at night thinking about all of the "what if's" and worrying. My heart starts racing and I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack. I've never seen a doctor for anxiety and am not on any meds other than vitamins. Any one deal with this?
yes, punkrockgrrl, alot of us are dealing with various levels of anxiety. but i'm sort of new to the game, so i'm reluctant to dole out advice, other than take some time to read back thru the archives in this thread. you may find valuable information, but at the very least, i promise that you won't feel so alone. you might want to read thru the depression thread archives also. unfortunately, i'm just now finding out that anxiety and depression seem to often go hand and hand. two sides of one coin.

ok, well, maybe i will dole out some advice: schedule a full physical asap. that's the best place to start, especially if you have a doctor you know, like and trust. that's the best place to start.

and for some immediate relief, there are many teas out there that can help you relax, especially before bedtime, when you're mind is most prone to race. my favorite is celestial seasonings tension tamer. i would also suggest going strictly decaf, if you haven't already.

hope this helps a little.
Mandolyn, that's good advice.

check out the library for books on coping with anxiety as well. There are some good ones out there. But that's not a substitute for a doctor.
Dear fellow anxious Busties,

I hope you each manage to breathe calmly during the holiday season.

Sending you happy thoughts amidst the chaos of family and mall parking lots,

P.S. Oh no! I rhymed!
(((blanche))) i know how hard this will be for you, and i can well imagine what the anticipation is doing to you. i'll be sending all my copage vibage your way. try to focus on the kidlet (i know you always do), and you'll make it thru. and totally take another xanax tomorrow morning.
I hope it's okay that I am resurrecting this thread. I like my OCD just fine, it's the anxiety that is getting to me. I hope all others who have issues with anxiety are doing okay. I've been going to see my psychologist at least once a week for the last month. She has been tremendously helpful.

Tomorrow I have a review in one of the departments I am in at school. And while I know I will receive my master's degree, I am unsure if they will recommend my remaining in the department for the PhD. I am completely freaking the fuck out. I've actually been taking some xanax to cope, which I avoid except in the most dire of circumstances. Everything will work out. I'm already in the PhD program for another department, so in reality I'd only be losing funding and wouldn't have to leave school.

Just needed to vent for a moment, as I've exhausted the patience of most everyone I know. Must remember: the trick is to keep breathing.
Back again, to report that the anxiety has lifted, at least for now. ((((other busties with anxiety))))
period monster, thanks for pulling this thread back up...I was looking for it the other day as a matter of fact.

I'm glad you are feeling better. How did the review go?
The review went well. The anxiety was completely absent for about 36 hours. It's back somewhat, but more in the day-to-day manageable variety. Thanks for asking.
I'm glad your review went well, period monster. And glad the anxiety went away for a bit as well.

I've been feeling quite anxious lately. My anxiety is more like hypochondria. It sucks. I swear that for the past month or so, I spend everyday basically thinking I have some serious, chronic, or fatal health condition.

I don't know how to get rid of it. blink.gif
Kari, are you well-insured? If so, why not go in for a full check up? Sometimes I think our anxiety is cluing us into things we know to be true. Other times, it isn't. If your health is causing you anxiety, get it checked out.

My family is coming to my home in a couple weeks to celebrate my becoming a master of history. I was really freaking out about it, but for the most part it is manageable now. I started being truly honest about my worries. My little sister is flying in a few days before everyone else to take care of the food issues, checking into the cabins, etc. I started freaking out again today about figuring out the menu and everything else, and my little sis emailed to say, don't stress, that's what I'm here for. I'm glad that I reached out to her for help. Of course, the weekly appointments with my therapist also help a great deal.

So if you are worried about your health, reach out for help. From the outside I appear to have everything under control. But I have found recently, that asking for help relieves my anxiety to some extent. And the people around me want to help me, and for me to be healthy, which makes them willing to help.

((kari)) I hope it passes soon.
Thanks, period monster. It's been slightly better lately. I just try to ignore it, for the most part. I do have insurance. I was thinking of going for a physical this summer just to get checked. My problem is that my anxiety centers on really ambiguous "My fingers feel tingly." Then that jumps to "OMG! I am sure that is the first symptom of MS!" You know what I mean? I just feel like it's so stupid.

I am glad you're feeling better about your upcoming celebration! That's great. It does help to have supportive people around. I give my mister a heads up when I am feeling anxious & it usually helps.
Kari, I hope you're in a low anxiety state right now. My calm has been replaced with nearly constant anxiety. I've just begun seeing a boy, and that in combination with my fam invading my world has made me super nerved up.

I am keeping the strangest hours, occasionally catching a four hour nap, and that is impossible without alcohol or xanax. This weirdness of hours/sleeping schedule has buggered up several meetings this week. I must get my shit back together. I always get a bit untethered without the routine of class, so I am hopeful that I am able to overcome this and have a good summer.

I've taken to recruiting good friends to eat with me because without the distraction of a friendly face, I am having difficulty eating due to the nerves.

Sorry, just trying to get some of this out before picking up my little sis in the wee hours tomorrow morning. Luckily, I'm scheduled to see my therapist in the morning. I don't know what I'd do without our weekly sessions. Thank maude for health insurance. smile.gif
Hey Period Monster. I hope your therapy appt. goes well today. I am sure that will help. I am with you, I feel better when I'm on a schedule. And my anxiety def goes up when I get less sleep. Is there a way for you to try to institute a schedule? I'm also sorry to hear about the eating difficulties. I get the same way. Can't eat when I am not feeling good.

I am feeling calm now. Looks like we've switched places. I also notice I get more anxious close to my period. Hormones I think. It's come & gone, so that's probably had some impact.

((((hope you are feeling better today))))
QUOTE(period_monster @ Apr 14 2009, 11:07 AM) *
I am completely freaking the fuck out. I've actually been taking some xanax to cope, which I avoid except in the most dire of circumstances.

period_monster I was just wondering why it is you avoid xanax? Is it because it has the potential to be highly addictive? Xanax is pretty much my life line, but I try not to take it more than maybe once every week or so, for that reason alone. I'm mostly afraid if my doctor sees that I need frequent re-fills then he will be more hesitant to give it to me.

My anxiety is not related to hypochondria, really. Mostly just completely irrational fear of embarassing situations happening to me. I will just start to feel it creeping in and surrounding me days, weeks, or even months before something that I am dreading. Something as simple as going to the in-laws for dinner. I am getting married in July, and I am already freaking out when I think of it! My heart leaps and heat goes up from my chest into my cheeks, flushing them with blood. I feel sick and have to go to the bathroom. Often I will be late for things because I will be stuck in the bathroom, or sitting on my bed trying to practice deep breathing. Eventually I will just reach for the xanax.

It can be debilitating for a social life! And makes me feel guilty for letting others around me down when I constantly cancel things because I am so anxious about them. I can't make myself go, but then I feel awful all day for not going. Then as a result of the guilt I get depressed and lay in bed.

Hello ladies,

So the therapy continues to go well. Bottleblack, my therapist suggested the same thing to me today--that the psychiatrist prescribes the xanax for a reason. And that I should take it when I need to, I won't become addicted when I am taking such a small amount, especially when I need it so badly right now. Living on dry toast and tea. The family visit went quite well. Although the little sis had to remind me once that she was there to help me and that I needed to chill out out of respect to her and the gift she was giving me.

((((anxiety busties))))

Thanks for being around.
Hey ladies!

Sorry I haven't been in in a while.

period moster, I agree with your doc & bottleblack. If the meds can help you, it is ok to take them. I definitely understand your fear of becoming hooked though. I am glad your family visit went well. Are you feeling better now that it's passed?

Kari, the family visit was actually quite pleasant. I am still a bit anxious, but it is due to the fluttery quality of a new friend, posted extensively about elsewhere. My body doesn't know how to interpret the adrenaline as anything other than anxiety.

{{{{my fellow anxious busties}}}}
Hey period monster!

Ah. I know what you mean about the body interpreting the adrenaline.

I'm really glad you had a good visit with your family.
I've been doing so well...I made it through a whole year of grad school, somehow, without completely losing my shit. And now I have time off, and apparently time off makes me anxious. Or it could be that I have $40 to live on for the next month, my father is having chest pains and has to see a cardiologist and is seven hours away from me, my car's exhaust system is shot, I don't know how I'm going to get it fixed in time to start work in a couple of weeks, I'm moving, and I have to somehow teach a summer session of freshman comp II, work a part time job, AND move. I've been having wicked bouts of insomnia, weird dreams, and waking up in the morning with my heart pounding. And I've been wondering why, because until I wrote that list up there, I don't think I'd adequately processed exactly how much shit is hitting the fan for me this summer. I know, mentally, that this is temporary, that things are going to be so much better once I get through this summer, and that I'm going to be ok. Emotionally, it's one big stomach ache.
Right now, I'm going to try to self-medicate with warm Ovaltine and Jane Austen novels.

((((all the other anxious busties)))
(((((lowredmoon)))) Wow, you do have a lot going on this summer. But you're will make it. Maybe once some of the stuff gets rolling it will get better. When do you move? And when do you start teaching? I hope your dad is ok. ~~~vibes~~~~
Thanks Kari. I start work (as a receptionist at a summer camp) around June 14. I start teaching June 29. Did I mention that I'm teaching a course I've never taught before? And that I have to condense a 16-week new course into a 6-week course? Making the syllabus is step one. Step two is figuring out exactly when I'm moving into my apartment. I signed the lease for July 15, but the girl whose apartment I'm taking over said something about maybe leaving early, which would be awesome, because my lease ends July 1 and I'll be homeless for two weeks otherwise (I have a friend going out of town who said I can stay at her place, but I'd much rather move once than put all my stuff in storage). Step three is crossing my fingers that my car will make it for a couple weeks until I get a paycheck and can get my car to a mechanic. If I break it into steps, maybe the anxiety will start to loosen up...
Lowredmoon, I think the way you've broken things down into steps is great. That sort of thing helps me. If I can organize, develop a plan, and then institute it, I feel better. It will all work out for you, I am sure of it. ~~~~~~vibes~~~~~~
I hope things are working out for you lowredmoon. {{{{{anxious busties}}}}}

I am completely freaking the fuck out. This week I am embarking on a simultaneously exciting and terrifying project. I have been working on a project for over five years now, and am finally meeting the human who I have been studying all this time. I am so scared. and excited. To add to this, e-man hung out with me today. I am not on facebook. He is. He was showing me some pictures, and I saw that his status is still single. This shook me. I said nothing.

I guess that so much is out of my control right now that I cannot handle myself. I haven't felt this neurotic for a month or two. I cannot stop cleaning. But so far, my physical symptoms have been manageable.

note to self-just keep breathing.

Sorry for the meme. I just needed to vent for a moment.

just wanted to pop back in to say I have calmed down considerably. The venting helps a great deal.
God, my anxiety is dreadful right now... and I feel absolutely alone. I am just getting over the flu, and then my period decided to start on Wednesday night, so now my body feels twice as messed-up.

Honestly, I need anti-anxiety medication, but it will be two months until I can see a psychiatrist. Two months! It is unbearable to think of waiting that long. Oh, why won't my mind just behave?!

The anxiety is so out of control that it is harming me physically. My roommate (who is also my sister, and not a very good one) does not understand what this is like, and it is making me feel suicidal. The heart palpitations followed by upset stomach, crying, sweating, horrid fears, shaky hands....
Two years ago I was on medication and never felt this way. Never! Everything was fine-- even wonderful. Then after I stopped taking my medication, the anxiety slowly re-emerged and has become worse than ever before. A million times worse. The most annoying part is that it seems to have a life of its own. The adrenaline starts rushing and I have no idea why. The panic attacks are terrifying.

Does anyone have any suggestions to help me manage this anxiety until I can get on medication? I have no idea what to do!
Thirteen, I am worried about you. If you are feeling suicidal, please, please seek help.

I am so sorry you're so miserable right now. Is there anyone you can call? Friends? Other family members?

Do you have to wait to see the psychiatrist b/c of their patient load? Or another issue (ex insurance)? If it's b/c of their appointment schedule, I urge you to call & tell them it's an emergency. This qualifies.

Also, I know this may not seem like a viable solution, (and it's no solution, just something to help), but this one book REALLY helped me. It's called "Don't Panic" by Reid Wilson. If you can't buy it, go to the bookstore & read some of it there. The author discusses physical & emotional causes & responses to panic. It might give you some strategies.

But you still need to see your doc ASAP. And if you are feeling like self-harming, please PLEASE get yourself to the ER.
Thirteen? You there?
kari-- Thank you very, very much for your kindness. I am feeling somewhat better, thank God. Was able to call my best friend on the phone last night and we stayed up till almost 2 in the morning talking about everything that has been getting to us. My sister/roommate is not helping in the slightest. Actually, she is making everything worse. It is so horrible it's almost funny-- the other day I told her I might have to go to the hospital if the depression and anxiety continue, and she said, "Well, now would be a good time, since Sara is on vacation." Sara is my niece and I have been forced to babysit her constantly since I moved here, though my sister promised me that that would not happen. She also said she would help me out financially, which is a freaking joke-- I have not got a penny from her, and never will-- I can tell. Have brought it up and the tension and anger that comes from her is unbearable. My sister is full of lies and I'll never trust her again. I just have to get out of here.

By "get out of here", I mean I desperately need to move (yet again) though at times I just want to "get out of here" as in relocate six feet under.

It is so awful because I love being alive, just not with this level of sadness and worry. So much pain from all different directions, and so few resources at this time.

Anyway, I am going to hang on! Things have been great before and can be that way again, I am sure.
Thirteen, it sounds like you really, really need to get some space from your family, especially your sister. If things get so bad that you don't know what to do, please, please go to the hospital. It doesn't matter who you're supposed to be babysitting, someone else can and will do it. You don't have to feel weighed down to any "responsibilities" to your sister, as you have already said, she doesn't help you, so you don't owe her anything. If you aren't attached to a lease, is there anyone else you can move in with, especially while you are waiting to be able to see a therapist?

2 months doesn't seem right, are you sure you can't call and ask to get in sooner, or see if someone in the emergency room/hospital can't presecribe something, or get you to someone else faster?

How are things? Did you manage to get to see a doctor?? I understand what it's like to feel suicidal, but you just have to focus on the positive things and trust that you will feel better eventually.

I'm going through a rough patch right now myself, but I'm trying to stay positive. I find that exercising helps me out because of the endorphins. I was too anxious to even leave my apartment this morning but I forced myself to go downstairs, get on my bike and go to the grocery store... to buy ice cream... but it helped..

Hope things are looking up smile.gif
(((Thirteen))) I am so glad to see you here!!

I am also happy to hear things have improved slightly. Any possibility of you not living with your sister? I know that's a lot to think about & making a big change might be more than you can deal with at the moment, but it sounds like she's a huge stressor on you. I agree with angie, you have to take care of yourself, and your sister can find someone else to be her babysitter.

Hang in there.


Def agree that exercise helps. I feel so much better after working out too. Gets out some of that energy.
Thank you, everyone, for being so caring. I am glad to be here!

My mood has improved vastly because yesterday I found out that I've an appointment with a doctor on 20th August. Was expecting September at the earliest, so this is marvellous news indeed. Just keep telling myself to hold on, to be patient and calm. Have been reading a lot, too, and trying to eat enough and sleep 8 or 9 hours per night. Of course the anxiety is still here, but now I have hope, something to look forward to.

It is scary to feel that you are fighting for your life, isn't it? Truly I am, though-- & I really, really, really desperately want to live!!

Oh, I've also been more honest with my sister and more assertive, though that is difficult with the anxiety. Soon I hope to get my own place & am looking around with a friend of mine who is a complete angel, helpful and empathetic. So things are looking up at the moment.

Thanks again for your kind words and advice! smile.gif

yay, thirteen! August 20 is not too far away. Hang in there. I'm glad to hear there are some other living situations on the table. Excellent.

Argh, the anxiety returns! Two days ago my sister's friend came by our house, unexpectedly-- he is the pushy sort-- and this sent me into a frenzied, ill state. Horrendous. Pains in my back, legs and arms quickly followed, and nausea. The only thing I could do was crawl into my closet and weep. I ended up losing my temper (which is rare for me) and raised my voice, got very very cross. That is so uncharacteristic-- I was wholly discourteous to a complete stranger.

Now my nerves are steadying a bit-- it takes a long time for me to calm down-- but still I feel the madness coming on again. This is just insanely difficult to cope with, and I can hardly wait to see the psychiatrist!!

My OCD has become worse since the episode, too; the rituals are quite hard to resist. I don't know what to do, I'm tired as hell and just sleep constantly.

My mood changes often & is painful-- I do not know exactly what is wrong with my mind. Up one moment, down the next... all sorts of strange things occur.

Anyway, hugs to all of you out there with anxiety!! Keep your fingers crossed for me, please. unsure.gif

((((((((((((((thirteen))))))))))))))))))))))) I am thinking of you.
((thirteen)) stay strong. August 20 is getting close!
(((Thirteen))) only a couple more days to go. I hope you find something that will work for you.

I went in for a tuneup with my shrink today, and we increased my anti-depressants and added in klonopin. The one-two punch of losing my therapist and my boyfirend in three short days was pretty tough. I find that I miss my therapist much more than the boy. I am feeling much more stable with the klonopin. It really takes the jitters away and for much longer than xanax. As a bonus for my mental health, I adopted a new kitty today. I am hoping she can bring a little additional joy to my life for now, and for many years to come. Just as soon as she stops hiding under the office chair and in the coming weeks as she gets to meet her older brother.

Thank you for your kindness. It means a great deal!
So glad you have a new feline friend-- they are such a comfort in difficult times-- sweet little clowns. smile.gif I have a kitty, too, but she will be staying with family once I can get my own place-- I become so depressed that it is hard to even take care of myself, let alone Koshka. That's really saying something, because my kitty is laid-back and incredibly friendly-- almost like a dog instead.

Do you find that Klonopin works well for you? I know that results vary from person to person, but I've heard good things about this medication. Anti-psychotics and anti-depressants and mood stabilisers have all been tried on me, but methinks the anxiety is the worst & most crippling of my myriad problems!

Mania seems to precede the anxiety-- these wretched times where I feel alarmingly awake and want to do EVERYTHING and talk to EVERYONE-- & it has got me into loads of trouble before. Makes me wish I had a babysitter, almost, who could lock me in my room and protect me from myself!

One good thing that comes from all the madness is my poetry-- a sort of tidal brain-wave sweeps in and carries me out to sea (it is terrifying, but I come back with lovely words).

I hope that you are well, and everyone else here. Keep fighting!! ((((all my forum sisters))))
My appointment is in only 2 days, 2 days, 2 days!! It is soon. Just have to hang on a little longer.


Yes, Thirteen! You are so close to seeing your doc!! YAY! smile.gif

((period monster)) Sounds like it's been tough lately. Are you going to be getting a new therapist, do you think?

I've been doing well lately. Not too much anxiety. I am grateful.
I have my first appointment with a possible new therapist on Friday morning. All fingers and toes are crossed. She comes highly recommended- my former therapist was certain our personalities would mesh, and she is the therapist of one of my besties.

Thirteen, sometimes I find that having to get outside of myself to water the plants, care for my cat, now kittehs, helps me a great deal. Are you sure you can't keep your kitty friend during this trying time? My G has been with me through many ups and downs, and I cannot imagine how much worse it would have been without him to bring a little joy to my life.

Good luck tomorrow, thirteen!

Kari, I am pleased to hear your anxiety is not being a problem right now. Keep doing whatever it is you're doing.

I have kept down half a piece of toast yesterday and then again today. I cannot wait until my calorie intake is enough that I can begin working out again, which does wonders for my mental health.

((((all anxious ones))))
Thirteen, how did it go? I hope you are doing well.

My new meds have completely stabilized my moods. I can eat, sleep, work again!

Yay for better living through pharmacology!
((((period_monster))))-- Thank you for asking after me!

Well... so far, so good. The Dr was really sweet & understanding, although she tried to make me promise to NEVER harm myself-- ever. I can promise to never hurt others (that is not a temptation anyway!)... but as for myself, who knows. So I promised instead for six months. That I can manage. smile.gif Anyway, I WANT to live, desperately!

Lexapro and Risperdal were prescribed & I began taking them on Saturday night (the Risperdal... I don't like taking since it can have bad side-effects)... but I have taken both of these medications in the past & they worked well. Especially the Lexapro.

My only side-effect thus far is feeling rather empty and tired. Just... almost floating, but not sick. Like a blackboard wiped clean-- sort of a good feeling, sort of bad. Hmm. That usually improves with time.

The Dr says most medications take about a month to work, though for me often more like two or three weeks.

Fingers still crossed....

It's been a while since this thread saw some action. My anxiety is pretty over the top right now. In spite of the meds, in spite of going to see a therapist once a week for over six months (except when one of us was out of town), I remain a nerved up gal. Part of this is just the stress that comes from the lovely combination of the holiday season and this point in the semester. Does it have to be this painful to get better?

It seems that no matter how hard I try, it bubbles back to the surface. All of the multi-mile walks, the time spent working on me for once, they just aren't helping that much anymore. I've awoken in the night because I needed to vomit from the nerves. I haven't slept for four hours uninterrupted in weeks. I awaken and am tortured by the past. Even stupid inconsequential exchanges cause me concern years later. And I've been arguing with a past boyfriend in my mind nearly nonstop for a few days now.

I just needed to get this off my chest here, as I am getting tired of calling family and friends and just sobbing.

But I will keep trying. And one day this anxious monkey will be manageable, able to help me accomplish things rather than send me in endless circles.

Sorry for the me me me. I hope all other Busties are unaffected by anxiety at this time.
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