Sep 18 2006, 10:56 AM
i don't get why people are so scared of a little heartbreak. it hurts, sure, but it's not like we haven't all felt it before and recovered in time. meh, i guess i'm just friendly with pain. i don't mind it at all, it's an excuse to stay in bed watching bunk tv and eating ice cream.
sassypants, sounds like a keeper girl.
i, on the other hand, am about to throw this fish back into the sea. that's about the last time i can take a session where just one of us gets off and it isn't me. wtf is that action?
the worst possible timing too, i have a "date" for mutual stuff exchange with the dirty boy ex. we'll be alone, in my apartment, no kid in sight, for hours (some of the "stuff" needs to be found and downloaded from my computer). what do you suppose we're gonna do? either fight or fuck is my guess. i'm betting on a lot of both actually.
gah, i have no strength to resist a sexy man.
if he tells me he loves me i will seriously kick his ass.
Sep 18 2006, 11:49 AM
sneaks out to praise kalevra for interesting "hotel" metaphor
Sep 18 2006, 11:58 AM
You misinterpret me, Pepper. It’s not me I’m worried about. I don't want to hurt *him* when something else turns my head whether it be an adventure or another man. Because it will happen. I like my vagabond life as it is. I don't want to get married or have ankle-biters & I feel like embarking on a serious, going somewhere, LTR would be somewhat misleading to any guy I dated. I don’t see that changing anytime soon. My ex & I fell into things nice & easy. It was very natural & organic. Love at first snark, if you will. Things were wonderful for a very great long while & we grew a lot through/with each other. Then he wanted to take what he felt was the “next step” relationship-wise. I didn't want to get married & have kids at only twenty-six. It hurt him *deeply* that I wasn’t willing to commit even though in my heart/mind I already had. I didn’t/don’t think an agreement with state/federal government would make us stronger or our lives better. Shacking up wasn’t enough for him & my unwillingness to wed slowly killed our relationship. He didn’t speak to me for a whole year after he broke up with me. To this very day I feel really shitty about things ending that way because he didn’t deserve it. He was a good guy, we just didn’t want the same things from life.
Sep 18 2006, 12:36 PM
AP, it seems we have something in common....
Not being religious in any way, I have a dislike for the wedding thing (society and fed/state rules included). I am not sure whether humans are meant to be monogamous, I suspect not, but that doesn't stop me from being comitted to someone I really WANT to be with. Being with that someone has to include similar lifestyle and future requirements otherwise it is all in vain. I hear you about the vagabond thing too, roaming is a must, and by that I do not imply a 'roving eye' either.
My serious relationships have taken a serious downward dip as a result of my reluctance to get married. And if you think for a minute that it is because I wanted to 'keep my options open', not so. The ideal scenario is sitting on the porch at 90yrs old (fat fucking chance I have of getting there, but you get the idea) and saying, "that was fun, wanna do it again?" to the person you have developed a BOND with over the years. Not likely to happen either is it.
Weird thing is, the ones that wanted to get married are the ones that cheated on me......go
...I mean figure!
Pepper, the pain of breakups never less than the time before, it is a horrible feeling, sad and unnerving, but I suspect I will brave it again....
Wombat, I have to admit, it is a loose plagiarism of something I have heard before....along the same lines anyway, just realigned to echo my sitch *gracious bow*
Sep 18 2006, 01:08 PM
True, true. I think part of my issue with the HB situation is the age difference. My Gran's second husband was a good twenty years older than she & when his health started to decline shit got intense. As much as I loves me the HB, I don't want to be changing his diapers in fifteen years.
Sep 18 2006, 01:21 PM
ahhhh yes i hear ya there AP. i would be terrified of ending up a caretaker at a way too young age.
Sep 18 2006, 01:25 PM
I've never understood how people *know* that that's who they're going to spend the rest of their life with. I'd rather just see where we end up- hope for the best, plan for the worst. (Though I'm envious of that certainty sometimes)
Anyways, I decided to embrace the changing of the season, by clearing my crush list. So, when I popped in on Saturday I was thinking about how liberating a clean sheet feels and that I'm looking forward to filling up my dance card again from scratch....
But something really wierd happened today. I made a call last week to get someone to do some work for me, and the guy showed up today to see what all needs doing. Turns out he's a guy that I crushed on so hard it hurt years ago. I never knew him- he'd just walk around a corner, or turn up behind me in the check out line. And I had this whole life story for him in my head, but I don't think we ever even spoke. I don't know how many years it is since I last saw him, but occassionally I'll think of him.
And then there he was this morning. Smiling and friendly and lovely! And I know his name! And I have his cell phone number! And he appears to only have one tooth!(?)
Aural, my last relationship was with a guy 20yrs older than me, and that would go through my head too. Age was not the reason I ended the relationship, but it did throw up some conundrums.
Sep 18 2006, 01:54 PM
Emtee, sassy, butterfly: good luck with the new crushes!
Yuefie, Six: way to go on cuttin the losers loose!
AP, pepper,: don't know what advice to give, I guess just go with the flow! Thongs will work out.
Ooops!! Ha ha! I meant 'THINGS' !! I must be HONRY!! That seriously was an accident!
So I had lunch with the Nurse yesterday before I had to go to work. Hes a vegetarian so we went to this hippy vegan joint. Its sure different for me, being a Mexican/Italian I'm used to hearty meals. We'll see how long I can survive the grains and sprouts dates!
Things were nice again but I mean NICE, not very exciting. Hes very calm and stuff, which is new to me.
I have to give him some credit, he was working a graveyard shift at the hospital the night before and was prolly real tired. He said there were a lot of stab wounds to suture and even a man he had to try and revive who was shot by police (he died). So, yeah can you say 'whoa'? The thing is he is real humble about his job, even says its a lot like mine (waitressing? ohh-kay..). Anyway, hes verrry huggy. Poor boy prolly needs a lotta hugging after a night like that. Do I want to be his permanent provider of comfort???
To be continued...
Sep 18 2006, 02:08 PM
Greenbean, you do really have to ask yourself if you're up for providing support to someone all the time. It might sound selfish, but it's really hard, and especially early on...just from experience, it really zaps the life out of a new relationship (or friendship, or working relationship, or anything, really!).
All day, I've been debating whether to email my new crush or let him contact me first. Gahd! So difficult!
Sep 18 2006, 02:29 PM
HAH! I thought about saying something along the lines of , "GB, I want the thongs to work out not in!"
Sep 18 2006, 04:58 PM
Kal, I loved your hotel metaphor...
Thongs will work out. That's almost as good as being HONRY.... haha!
Heh. I couldn't stop smiling at work. My co-workers were like, "He cooked you a steak! Keep him!!" It was cute. And he was so nervous about all his little quirks.... and I so dig that he loves Eddie, and has a bunch of pets. I asked him if he liked me, and he went full on Eddie mode (with accent) and said: I Fancy you!! Tee-heh. We also watched a couple of Bill Maher shows which was cool. I really didn't want to leave his house...
I'm going to try to deal with this differently that SC boy, because this may dare I say have a chance in hell of working out.
Going to go drag him to see The Illusionist tomorrow, or maybe Last Kiss.
I couldn't stop thinking of his lips today. Not saying that's a bad thing....
By the way, those mud pies freaking rocked!!
((all good crushy vibes))
Sep 18 2006, 08:58 PM
Honry. hahahahaha such a funny word, and to think i typed it as a mistake. two busties in a row typing the same mistake.
Sep 18 2006, 09:54 PM
wow. what a difference a day makes! i had so much to read in here. seems like there is alot of action going on. spring fever? seems like there's alot of fever goin' in the Fall...
yuefie~kick him to the curb. reminds me of the whole Seinfeld episode where Elaine broke up with a guy cause he was anti-abortion. yeah, i have a thing with homophobia too. 'Cause my best male friend is gay. So, yeah, he can't be homophobic.
AP~i feel the same way. i've never envisioned myself getting married. i mean, the only reason would be to get the health benefits. seriously. i have no health/dental insurance right now. and there are privileges given to married couples...even in doc school. sucks ass. i've imagined having kids....but, never marriage. no wedding dreams here. with the whole "love" thing, i'm really the fall head over heels type. saying "i love you" is not saying "i do." unless you feel it means the same thing. sometimes, i question my ability to be loyal even though i've never cheated on anyone. definitely the taming of the shrew when it comes to me...i won't settle for anyone...
sassygrrl~all i can say is "yeah!"
damn, that kiss i had from the local patron on thursday night/friday morning...makes me want to have some guy available just to suck face with...that was one hot kiss...nothing like a random kiss...
Sep 18 2006, 10:58 PM
AP, I get what you mean now. I think because marriage isn't an option for me, I don't think of it as the "natural" culmination of a relationship, and forget you have to deal with that expectation. Ugh. And I don't think of being in a relationship as having to be responsible for the other person (like care-giving), just supportive. I would fully expect my partner to have arranged/planned for their old-age care, as I have my own.
greenbean, Nurse sounds very zen....I wonder if he lets it all go in bed?!
pepper, just remember with the ex sex: nostringsnostringsnostringsnostrings
Yay sassy! grownup crush sounds great! He obviously has *very* good taste in transvestites...
Happy crushing everyone!!!
Sep 18 2006, 11:06 PM
i am used to rockin' good times, this last 'meh' just steams me still. grr.
ap, if you ain't a scarit of being hurt why not allow him the same priveledge? seems like he's a big boy eh? i'm sure he can handle hisself. don't go taking on responsibility for other peep my girl, if you're over there looking out for him, who's over here looking out for you? just saying. it seems to me that if he's gotten this far without ankle biters he might not want them either. talk is good.
~~~not having dirty thoughts about ex's, not having dirty thoughts about ex's, not having~~~... ah hell. yes i am.
Sep 19 2006, 12:18 AM
I just did the final kick to the curb, because apparently I was not clear enough last night that I am a joto loving bitch. I was on my way through the complex, after having to park in egypt 'cause some jerk in the complex is having a party and I pass him sitting out on his porch with someone. I didn't make eye contact and just kept on walking so he whistles. Ugh. So he's not smart at all, cute but apparently as dumb as a bag of rocks. I am not a dog and do not respond to being whistled at. So I keep walking and he runs down the sidewalk after me, reaching me right before I get to my door. I stop, turn around and throw my hands up. He looks confused and asks me what's wrong.
Me - "Well, seeing as you use terms like "rug muncher" and "butt pirates" and not in a light hearted manner, we don't really have any reason to talk."
Him - "Oh, so you're gonna be all uppity now because of that?"
Me -"Yes. Yes I am. Buh Bye."
I turned and walked in, lightly slamming the door behind me. This is precisely why I do not speak to my neighbors. I need to go and see when my lease is up again.
yay for good dates!
(((((crushies)))))) good vibes all around
Sep 19 2006, 12:40 PM
Yes Six, Nurse is very zen. I hung out with him again last night. From what he told me about his youth, I think he got all his anger out as a kid. He was an army brat and moved a lot. He was a brainy kid (a mathlete even!) but also got in trouble for vandalism and stuff. Then he started to piss off his conservative parents by wearing all black, hanging out with gays and getting arrested at protests. Its funny to hear about that stuff cuz he does seem so laid back.
..oh yeah, he also got in trouble with police for aggressively taking a Nazi flag away from a fundie who was harrassing girls outside an abortion clinic next to a general clinic Nurse was working at.
So, he gets gold stars for being gay friendly and pro-choice! (altho here in San Francisco, its hard to find anyone otherwise!)
We still aren't doing more that kissing, but I think I'm starting to make him squirm a little,...I need him to be the more aggressive one, since I'm trying to control myself.
Sep 19 2006, 02:36 PM
It's hard to imagine me being married. I've never been in a relationship aside from serial dating, and I wouldn't like to share my place with someone or know how to be a girlfriend when that word has never been applied to me. I feel so solitary that I'll probably never marry, just roaming around and meeting lots of people but not really settling down.
Of course, I'm 23 now. I may feel different years later.
I wish I had a crush to linger on. I miss that, it fueling my fantasies and giving me excitement. It was fun when I had crushes on boys. I haven't had one in about three years, it sucks.
Sep 19 2006, 05:33 PM
GB- arrested for his beliefs? that's hott
anna- i feel the same, missing the whole school girl crush thing.
star- doesn't your school get you discounted insurance? they let you rotate without it?
yuef- HA! "check your lease"! that's so something i would do. to quote miranda from SITC: "we didn't work out. you need to not exist."
Sep 19 2006, 09:49 PM
I miss that excitement. I miss feeling warm and happy inside if he smiled at me or exchanging a eyeful look and me wanting to skip merrily and being in a cheery mood. Having a warm feeling down my legs and up my arms. Anticipating seeing him again and admiring him from afar. I haven't had that in so long, it can feel hard to rekindle that feeling.
My old crush still appears in my dreams, and I'll be happy until I wake up and realize it wasn't real.
Sep 20 2006, 04:06 AM
Um, saw the Illusionist again with McCrush. Great movie...
So much for taking things slow. So blaming my hormones.
We ended up having sex. IIt was very good. At least I sort of stuck by my 3 date rule. Told ya gals I was a slut! Just still so nervous about him, and sex was a whole different ballpark. Taurus do take their time though. Heh.
So, now there seems to be no turning back. Eek! This is feeling me with all sorts of weird doubts, b/c what happened with SC boy. Bleh.
A little scared. I just don't want him to be random fuck buddy. We are keeping the lines of communication open. And we're going to see a play on Saturday night, and this weekend will be our first official sleepover. This is scaring me b/c this could turn real.....
Why am I so wigged out by this???
Sep 20 2006, 04:20 AM
Yes, I was very honry last night...ha.
Sep 20 2006, 06:38 AM
....dirty stopout......filthy trollop......
I dunno if I like hearing about other people getting laid, when I am not
Sep 20 2006, 09:44 AM
ha ha kal, i won't tell you about what i get up to then k?
sassy, take it easy girl. it was just a shag, a good one but still... just a shag. you can do this, no wedding bells on the horizon, just lots and lots of condoms. heh heh. relax. relax and breathe girl. chill.
oh yes, and Woot! yeah sassy!
Sep 20 2006, 10:16 AM
Yay sassy!~~~~get laid vibes~~~~ for all crushies
Sep 20 2006, 10:17 AM
Glad it was good, Sassy!
Can't blame you for wigging tho,..I'm wigging a bit myself! This dating world navigation is pretty new to me...
Sep 20 2006, 03:06 PM
Breathe in... breathe out.
Bad Sassy... bad sassy....
I so blame Ed Norton!! Then again, maybe McCrush can credit him...
I may be freaking out to the point of no return, because he sounds like a grown up. Fuck. We actually talk, which is something that never happened in the past with SC boy or any of the others. It just feels so fucking bizzare.
Yet, he mentioned that he wanted this to work out, and that it had a chance. Shit, it's only been like a week... I'm just trying not to over-analyze, which is really hard. And everything is SO damn NEW.
Pepper, good advice dear. Thank you. To paraphrase Dorothy from GG: "Condoms, Sassy, Condoms..."
Um, so apparantly he gave me this awesome sex hair last night. It was super tousled this morning, and I just wore it down to work. And everyone was just wigging out, and wondering why my hair was down.... I couldn't stop blushing...
We're talking a few days off to just sleep.... And my first official sleepover is Saturday night at his house.
Side note, the puppy literally ate my underwear... and the mo-fos were brand freaking new!!
GB, how is it going?
AP, I got your PM, but couldn't reply. How are things??
Sep 20 2006, 03:42 PM
I forgot that Jcrush had invited me to Tom Petty. I'm still going. I don't plan on telling McCrush, b/c I already planned this. And we haven't even discussed even really dating. So, I think it's okay. Right?
Sep 20 2006, 05:51 PM
So flipped out and told McCrush anyways....
Ugh. Kill me.
Sep 20 2006, 08:15 PM
breeeeeeeeeeeeathe sassy:) you have every right to be flipping out. you like him! sex hair is awesome so glad you could take advantage and have other people see!
Sep 20 2006, 08:45 PM
Really stoked about this weekend... for obvious reasons..heh.
Where is everyone??
Sep 20 2006, 09:02 PM
sassy...um about the sex part...I TOLD YOU!
relax. breathe. rinse. repeat.
try just to enjoy things for what they are....don't rush for an end result. remember everything i told you. just focus on him and how you feel with him. toss out those inferior joes out of your head 'cuz they're keeping you from being in the moment. i have a good feeling about this man.
nothing new on the crushie front for me....
Sep 20 2006, 09:36 PM
(((sassy))) 'bout time you got some yummy portions, girl! And I am totally cracking up that his dog ate your undies, that is so funny! It's going on my list of reasons why I don't wear them....
AP, nothing interesting lately? You haven't fallen down a well or anything, right? Everything's intact?
zoya, how goes it?
kal, when does neighbor girl get back?
GB, how's the nurse?
Sep 20 2006, 11:29 PM
Six.....thanks for that, I was trying to get through the month without thinking about the lil neighbour.
But now that you mention it!
I think she gets back on the 1st of Oct, and her birthday is on the 5th, so will have to put a plan in action....the next month is all about house parties, Ramadan(-a-ding-dong) is upon us, so I will have to plan a little party for her and her mates....they are all new in town....don't think they have many 'new' mates....could be fun.
Sassy, your hair get all messed up from being pulled, or was it your head rubbing up against the headboard? hee hee.
Pepper....you can tell me whatever you like, 'cos when I next find the 'beast with two backs', trust me, you will hear details, many many details.
GB....so your officially 'dating' then??
Sep 20 2006, 11:38 PM
Sep 21 2006, 04:01 AM
Kal, Ramadamadingdong cracked me up....
Heh... I'm still cracking up about the undies....
Good luck everyone, and thanks for all the support!!
Ugh. Too fucking early...
Sep 21 2006, 07:40 AM
I am confused about what Ramadan has to do with anything. Is she Muslim? Either way, that was funny. hahahaha.
Sep 21 2006, 10:49 AM
erm,.....no....Ramadan means no BOOZE......well not really, but no loud music in pubs, no live bands, and no clubbing....sooooo, everyone has house parties for a month....knockout!
Sep 21 2006, 11:54 AM
huh? where do you live? nothing stops anywhere i knew of because of ramadan (except, obviously, in muslim countries which makes sense. thats crazy, and annoying. that would be like no one serving meat on fridays anywhere for the entire month of lent. go ahead and practice your thing but dont subject ME to it lol.
Sep 21 2006, 12:21 PM
If I remember correctly Kal is living in a Muslim country...
Still going slow with the Nurse, and yeah, I suppose we are 'dating'.
He's so sweet that I get scared that hes too fragile for me,..then I feel like an idiot for usually liking guys that are really basically selfish and arrogant. Whats wrong with me?!?
Sep 21 2006, 01:13 PM
DER well that makes sense totally missed that one GB!
GB-i COMPELTELY know what you mean. there ARE mixes where they are gentle and nice, but dont appear it and have a sort of asshole streak to them. i mean, i like a guy who is sarcastic and kind of tough, but not a true jerk. not sure if that made sense! guys who are too sweet creep me out, and i think its bc it doesnt seem sincere or something.
Sep 21 2006, 02:00 PM
Our illustrious Kal is in the Middle East somewheres.
Sixel, things have been *WAY* to interesting for my own fucking good. Get me to a nunnery.
Sep 21 2006, 03:28 PM
ahhh AP, you know your sex life is good when you have to drag yourself to a nunnery.
Sep 21 2006, 03:44 PM
hmm. Well, I guess we all look forward to some good stories from AP once she gets rested up.
I've still been seeing my old work crush. For a couple weeks there, we were together every single night, so the seeing other people thing kind of fell by the wayside. WC was cutting way back on his drinking and abstaining from other substance abuse. Things were pretty sweet between us.
I had to go out of town for a few days, and I started a new job right after Labor Day. I was busy and preoccupied and started taking more time away from WC.
Three guesses what happened next: the minute I start spending more time away from him, he hooks up w/ a girl I know and dislike. But we do have an understanding that we can see whomever. I was mostly peeved like, 'why her?' Then he went on a little blow binge again and didn't call for a couple of days.
I was feeling well and truly over it, but I guess not quite ready to get off of the tilt-a-whirl. Night before last, we got together and had a great time. No talking about our 'relationship' or his alcohol/drug problems, but lots of good conversation, followed by lots of good sex, and WC got quite mushy and romantic and used the L word a few times. I felt really close to him.
I came home humming and buzzing and happy and then immediately came down w/ a horrendous head cold. It seems pretty fucking clear that WC is always gonna be trouble. I know I gotta stop. But when it's good, it's very very good. Damn.
Sep 21 2006, 04:30 PM
There is no rest for the wicked. And I think we all know I am the proverbial bad seed.
Sep 21 2006, 04:45 PM
Tee-hee... Yes, you are AP.
No rest for the wicked indeed!
I can't wait to see Petty tomorrow!! I don't know why I wigged out and told McCrush about Jcrush, but I think the couple of days apart have helped to calm my fucked up nerves. I have to keep in mind that we've only known eachother for like 3 weeks or something... I plan to wow him with dress on Saturday night. He's only seen me thus far in jeans.
Starbucks boy went all nutso on me about McCrush calling him a stalker, b/c I met him off internet. And, I just think it's the fact the Starbucks boy didn't have the balls to ask me out first.
Edna, good for you.
GB, it seems as though things are going well.
Kal, how you doing babycakes?
Yay, Grey's Anatomy is on in like 2 hours. Ice cream and Patrick Dempsey...yummy.
Sep 21 2006, 05:03 PM
Really. I am just pure unadulterated evil. I'm so hatin' on myself right now. Why can I not stick to one man? HB. Jcrush. New Guy. Friday New Guy wants to take me to a baseball game. And probably have kinky, dirty, hot monkey sex. Then on Saturday during the day I get my Jcrush fix. That night I'll probably spend the night at HB's, again having a naked ape session. I don't understand it. A friend suggested that it's my biological clock, but I'm almost 99.9% percent positive that fucker is digital because I don't hear it ticking. Maybe it's just that I'm hitting my sexual prime. I turn thirty-two in a couple months, but I still look twenty-five. I was way cuter at that age & I wasn't getting this much dick. And it's *GOOD* dick. And I can't get enough. WTF?
Two hours, forty minutes to new CSI. If you take away the crime & science it's just an eyecandy fest. I'd do any one of those guys nine ways to Sunday.
Sep 21 2006, 05:40 PM
Whhhaat? I know I've been shagging, but who is Friday new Guy?
I turn 30 in like 5 months. No biological clock tick, but just really honry....And I was also way cuter at like 24, but not nearly getting as good cock...Weird.
Sep 21 2006, 09:24 PM
me too, very cute at 24 but not nearly as confident so that explains that.
now i'm just shy of mid-thirty and, though there have been some dry spells, i get plenty of attention. and it's all great cock, no word of a lie, sometimes it freaks me out how consistantly amazing it is. yes to the sexual peak, yes yes uh huh yes that's the ticket.
um, girls, i think i just got back together with my ex and i'm SO not sad about it either. no nookie, i'm saving that for later (ei NOT the first day of my period, ha ha) when i'm Sure i actually want it all back. he has changed quite a bit, made some huge personal steps etc so... we shall see. it's dirty ex, by the way, not sexy ex with whom i planned marriage.
no matter, mcsquee and i gotta talk asap. i know it's easy and friendly with us but still... no need to keep the boy hanging on regardless of where it all goes.
Sep 21 2006, 10:07 PM
i was just thinking yesterday how i haven't had any insta-crushes. you know, where you just spot someone and fantasize about the great horrible things you would do to a man. yeah, so i took my 'rents to this new bar & grill 'round the corner...and smack...really hot bartender/waiter guy served us...he had cute shaggy brown hair...some facial hair...slight accent...british i think...damn....right around the corner people...and already i'm plotting how to stroll in for a drink and to start conversing with the boy...the place has shitty music though...makes it difficult to make me feel all flirty...but, it is definitely in my mind...the wheels are turnin'....
AP~bad seed? i'm going to hell in a handbasket as well...at least i will be somewhere warm...hormones...terrible for me too...31 yrs old...and the confidence thing definitely makes a difference...i got attention when i was younger, but i wasn't sure of myself or how to WORK it if you know what i mean...the phermones we give off must drive the men crazy...which would explain all of the dick...oh, who is this Friday New Guy?!?
pepper~that's cool about how you're gonna handle things with mcsquee. good karma for you. i hope things work out with you and dirty ex.
katiebelle~yeah, i know about the sweet guys. i'm afraid they are trying to be charming and not being themselves...but, maybe they are just that nice...i just really a guy to be himself...if you're an asshole, then be an asshole...don't be something you're not...i've met alot of sweet guys at my workplace....