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Full Version: is it called a crush because that's what it does to you?
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i caught it from making it with a dude in the park when i was 16. classic case, took 6 months to show up (waited until i had just started seeing someone and had to fess, nice one eh?) and the treatment was long and painful. now, nearly 20 years later it's never come back (touch wood, heh heh) and i have no idea what kind i even had. how do find that kinda thing out so many years later? is there a blood test or something? and am i unwittingly passing this shit on to all of my partners, who are unwittingly passing it on, and on, and on, and on? that would be a freaking drag. i always just thought i had one that was cureable and has been gone since the treatment.
;et's pretend that hpv is not an issue...what should i do about my fiance that i'm not thrilled with right now? how can i gracefully ask out the contractor, who knows about the guy....i don't want the contractor to think i am a 'leapfrogger' and won't take me seriously.
are you ready to throw over the man you planned to marry for a crush on a stranger? if you are i think you've answered your own question about what to do regarding your engagement at least. as for the contractor, honesty is the best policy. would you leave the fiance if the contractor wasn't in the picture? if he's not interested?
My crush called one more time, but it was the weirdest thing--10pm on a Friday and not for a booty call, just to say hello and discuss his week from hell and why he hadn't called. He then suggested we get together for LUNCH next week. If anyone out there does not view this as the polite prelude to a dumping, please set me straight.

I had already made peace with the fact that the crush wasn't interested, so the call Friday night really pissed me off. I emailed him bright and early the next morning and suggested we might be better off as friends before he could say it to me first. By mid-day, the gesture seemed petty and very highschool. Of course he never replied. For the rest of this weekend, when I wasn't keeping as busy as possible, I was fixating on whether it was the right or wrong thing to it could possibly matter one way another!

I like most everything about myself except for the way I let guys affect me. I have the greatest respect for the women that don't allow men's interest in them to be their final measure of self worth. If I were ever to have a daughter I would have to find her a role model like this since I'm afraid I wouldn't know how to pass on that trait.

I'm venting here to let off some of the anger and frustration of the day and so I don't do anything stupid like write another fucking email to a guy!!!

Thanks for allowing me to vent.

not to make you feel worse but, you probably did completely the wrong thing and jumped the gun. i could be wrong, but i feel like you overreacted entirely, and possibly just cost yourself a nice guy. whatever, others will always come along.
It's possible that he was not backing away, but there were other cues besides this one conversation. I should clarify I didn't word my email to him in a snide or angry tone the way my post implied. I stressed that I really like him and am still open for things to go in either direction but that he shouldn't keep in touch out of a sense of obligation. I think he is a nice guy but his feelings for me are lukewarm at best. I am very rejection averse right now and need to only go out with people who are as eager to see me as I am to see them. You may be right though. My loss if so.
pepper - thanks. there is more than one reason i have been thinking the fiance needs to move out (he was not supposed to move in the first place, but then life happened and he stayed....i should have kept up the boundaries a bit more than i did - right now it just seems like we are together because he was helping iwht renovations, and needed a place to stay...instead of being together 'cause we are wild about each other).
as for the contractor, i have no idea how he feels - i think he might be interested but was holding the very least, he's a cool guy with seemingly common interests (music, food for example).
we'll see.....i know i need to deal with the fiance before dealing with anything else:-)
ahhh i see. makes more sense now mel. at least you took control of a situation that you werent fully happy with. good for you on that one!
hmmm...i suspect my crush boy is seeing someone.
why else would he be so scared to swoon at my feet?
especially after i asked him out?

dumb boy, indeed!
Met a guy two weeks ago. We seemingly hit it off...he told me all kinds of mushy stuff (you're beautiful, you're sexy, I could see us going on trips together, I really feel you) Went to his house on Saturday, fooled around (him oral on me and I to him) and now nothing. Called him and left a message on Sunday and still haven't heard from him. What the fuck? He called me everyday last week and requested to see me during the week before our Saturday date. Who calls someone everyday and then nothing?? We met intially because we were supposed to be working on forming an arts collective together. I'm not sure I want to participate anymore.

I do hate dating.
stargazer75 one of my male co-workers told are scared and stupid...we really are the smarter

so, i'm crushin on someone i've been with...does that count...weird...i can't even explain it...
I went through something similar and got all worked up about it and emailed, then later had to make excuses for it saying I was having a rough week. Sometimes they just start thinking about something or someone else altogether for a while and if you can hold back on giving a shit (unlike I did), he might pop back up again and you would not have closed any doors.

katiebelle--the crush did reply after I followed up with a bit of back pedaling. He said things genuinely were nuts at work and he'd like to talk in a couple of days. So maybe you're right that he's nice. It's hard not to be jaded by life at this point and get all bent out of shape because so many guys really do just drop off the planet with no explanation.
Interesting thing just happened. My crush is a guy I technically only met last saturday through a friend I don't really know very well.

Anyways, I thought at the initial meeting he seemed somewhat interested, and then we've been chatting a bit online since then. Here's a run down of a convo we just had:

He says:
so what's in the plans for the week?
i'll probably be a nerd and go see the new x-men movie on friday, heh.
He says:
oh man, I want to see that so bad, actually. mind if I tag along with you? I don't know anyone else nerdy enough to want to go see x-men on opening day
Erin says:
surely. hehe, i haven't seen a good mainstream movie at a theatre in months so it'd better be good.

I have never had a guy do this before who i have only met once. I think he might want to get to know me before either of us asks the other out...which is what I wanted anyways. It seems like a good sign. I just had to share with someone. Do not wanna get my hopes up though. :P
well i fucked it up by driving by his house and getting caught by his mom (yeah he's 34 and lives at home)

I'm usually not this crazy but his strong words and my naivete let me get waaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyy too caught up

I feel really stupid....I can't believe I stalked him. I really hate that I acted like that. I'm so embarrassed..
Uppallnight...Don't be embarrassed. One phone call and one drive-by are not stalking, just crush behavior (I think). He will probably be a little flattered when/if she mentions it to him. The feeling of DAMN! you have now might help you to shake off the crush for a couple of days and re-group.
ok i'm being SUCH a geek.
quick background: fiance and i have been having troubles (arguments over money especially, and no sex because of my having surgeries, and the fiance's lack of ability to take care of himself - he's got lack of attention span). so then the basement needed to be redone because it was leaking (i own the house; he's not on the title). i hire a contractor to do the work.
the contractor is a hottie. and he does good work. and he's really nice and easy to talk to.
so fastforward to the end of the remodeling job on the basement - the fiance and i have had several big arguments over the work, and money adn lack of communcation. i have told him he needs to move out so we can figure out where to go from there (i think he needs to be on his own, adn frankly, he was supposed to move in with roommates but there was a snafu and moved in with me instead)....but i really want to ask the contractor...the last day the contractors were at the house to get all their stuff, the fiance and i were not speaking - they picked up on that - the hottie contractor and i were talking for like, an hour, after they were finished work...when we shook hands, he held on for an extra moment, and made sure he had my cell number....he called last night, saying they had left something at the house...
how can i ask him out? i know i'm being a geek, and i'm really not this nervous about going out with a guy...but i really would appreciate feedback.
ps - pepper asked on this thread if i were willing to throw out my fiance over a guy i barely know, and the reality is, that without the contractor in the picture, the fiance and i are still having trouble and i'd still be having him move out.
thanks for your feedback!
I'ma get MAD hate for this & maybe I'm too Dan Savage, but I gots to tell it like it sounds to me. Long story short p 176: You're not happy with the fiance & it doesn't sound like you're really wanting to work it out for the long haul. I mean, you're *engaged*. Isn't he gonna not thrill you intermittently for the rest of your lives together? Currently thrilled or not, this is the person you planned to spend the rest of your life with & you don't sound committed. "He has a lack of attention span." Are you his mommy? Do you have to hold his hand for him to get things done? Doesn't sound too great to me. You say "life happened" & things didn't go as planned. Is life gonna stop happening after you're married & go as you planned? Are you gonna plan on divorcing him in two years, but then the roof needs repaired, so you'll stay miserable for a while longer? The septic tank needs replaced, so you'll hang on a little bit longer? Are you going to wake up one day with a middle aged teenager & a whole lot of grown-up responsibility on your shoulders? Do you think that just because you're wed you'll no longer get crushes on hot contractors? You'll just be married, not blind, deaf, & dumb. The contractor just sounds like an easy out to me. He's attractive, but you don't know what issues he may have, so he sounds great. Date him & you'll get caught out cheating, but won't really feel too guilty 'cause you wanted an out without saying, "I want out," & that's much better than explaining all the reasons to fiance that you no longer want to get married to him. If you're wanting to cheat now, it's likely that you'll want to cheat again when hubby displeases you in the future. Maybe I'm reading too much between the lines on this one, but I doubt it. Hate on, ya'll. Rip me to shreds, I can take it. Ya'll knows I'm a BFB, but I call 'em like I see 'em.
I only lurk here, but I have to agree with Aural on this, p_176.
thanks for your feedback, auralpoison!
"You're not happy with the fiance & it doesn't sound like you're really wanting to work it out for the long haul."
Right now, no I don’t really know – I don’t want to outright end things, but he needs to move out. I honestly think it was a mistake to get engaged, esp since we had a big argument right before we got engaged. Now, in retrospect, it seems like we got engaged because we were going to take a vacation ,and get engaged, and even though we had a fight, the engagement would make it all go away. It seems like we got engaged and moved in together because it was easy, not because we were madly in love.

I recognize totally that this is not all his fault – it takes 2 to tango. I had health issues – had more than a few surgeries. I felt bad that I could not have sex with him while recovering – but hell, we don’t have sex regularly anyway. That’s also a problem in a relationship.

"Do you have to hold his hand for him to get things done?"
Yes – there’s a laundry list of things – but basically, I have to remind him time and time again to do stuff. Then if he does handle stuff, he gets all annoyed with me about it. But there’s a lack of communication going on – he won’t tell me stuff either.

Did I need him around to help handle renovations? No, and I have been extremely grateful for all he has done.

The contractor is not an easy out. Right now he’s a fantasy, a crush. I’m interested in seeing if there is mutual interest, but if there is not, I am not going to die or anything. I don’t want to deal with cheating, so that’s why I am trying to handle the situation with the fiancé first. I really have not made a move (other than hving the fiancé move out); I am trying to be careful.

What is a BFB?

i luv ya AP! great advice...

crushes are great, but do not need to be carried out in terms of relationships or sex all of the time...sometimes it is just nice to know a man finds your the's called being alive...

could we get back to crushes in here? any new crushes...
A totally insignificant crush update.

I'm still quite attached. I get overtly giggly over anything cute he says/dones. I'm starting to notice little things about him that are way too endearing (e.g. how he listens to stupid co-workers speak with a smirk, how he keeps office plant alive, asks me whether I've forgotten my cell phone when I leave the office, silly things).

Anyways, we now constantly joke about being married . And moving into his brother's house, because he's considering buying it. It's frustrating.


I'm becoming convinced he's the love of my life. Not a good thing.

natulik, i totally understand the love of your life type of crush. there's nothing wrong with it....just maybe a little unsettling.

i recently met a guy who is so perfect, it's scary. he is a musician, just like fact that's how we met, i was hired to play the piano for his choir (yes, cute band teachers/choir directors DO in fact exist). anyway, now we've hung out a couple times, and he just gets more perfect and i am in the process of developing a huge, scary, love of my life type crush.

we can be in this together, natulik.

p_176, i agree with AP (but then, i always do..luv ya, you BFB <3), but i think you might want to take this over to one of the long-term relationship threads. just a thought. IMHO, though, from what you wrote it sounds like you really want out.

anyhoo, no crushes here! :-( school just ended though, so hopefully i'll get my life back and meet some cute boys this summer! :-)
BFB= BIG FAT BITCH. I got props! I thought for sure I'd be eating shit on this one.

High kicks & jazz hands! AP is a BFB! Wish I had some new crushie news other than the fact that he's taken to calling me baby & I hate it. He's also using me to piss off this girl that REALLY likes him that he has NO interest in.

Jcrush is out of the country, I freaked Tcrush out when I was drunk.

p 176, if he's "just a fantasy, a crush" then why were you actively seeking advice on how to pursue him? That's how this all started. Yeah, you explained the fiance drama, but it was about hooking up with contractor & your HPV initially. You're *engaged*, even if you're kicking him out of the abode! Engaged people are not supposed to be trying to date their contractor no matter how humpable he is... they're supposed to be registering their shit & alienating all their single friends... I refuse to be a brides' maid again until they start tossing bottles of single malt scotch. Girl, get out while the gettin' is good. Don't wait until you have to get the deposit on the reception hall back & your girlfriends have all bought hideous, fuschia/lime/teal dresses designed to fit his five by five cousin.

My cod, but I am an asshole. Do they make asshole hats, 'cause I need one? Something in a nice, wrinkly, chenile, crocheted pink? Crafty bitches, get on it!
Nah, AP, you aren't a BFB, you're just plain right.

Breaking off an engagement is free.
Divorce (even an uncontested one) costs $$$$$.

I am speaking from experience, as I'm right-now-waiting for my soon-to-be-ex to sign and mail me back the divorce papers.
Hello y'all! Newbie here (don't worry, introduced myself already :-))
Yay! I have my first crush since my last breakup 3 months ago! He's in my Global Climate Change class and he's been making eyes at me all semester. Finally, on the last day of class, I recommended some books to him, then he asked me if I'd like to come play with him in his garden some time. His exact works were "play in the dirt". Very very cute. Plus whenever he talks to me, he can't stop smiling. He has a twang, which I haven't decided whether or not I like yet, but it is oh so nice to have something to think about besides my last love. Fingers crossed for me that he calls soon, or I might go a little crazy!
You girls are all fabulous! Mwah!
So crush and I are going to this movie on Friday for sure now, and it feels like it might be a date but no one told me.

He said he would buy the tickets, and it is just going to be the two of us. But it ends up I'll have to pick up the tickets, but he said he'd still pay. (I usually like to split even if it is a date, but y'know) Anyways, I hate that nervous feeling I get before (potential) dates, so I'm thinking as cool as I can.
I've been hanging out with a new boy for a couple of weeks now. Here are the things I like about him:
-he kisses and kisses and kisses. Loves it.
-He uses words like "antiquated" and "caveat" in everyday speech
-he is an engineer (it's not the dough I am impressed with. It's the actual job.)
-he is not afraid to call me and does so just about every single day.
-He's got that sexy muscle line down the middle of his stomach.

The whole thing is torturing me, though, because I am not sure he likes me the same way I like him. But, then, I am prone to over-analysis.
Back to seemingly unrequited crush land. Glad to say that my crush is at least a polite person who has checked in on occasion, but it's been two weeks since we've seen each other, and no dates planned as yet. I won't call him or invite him anywhere, because that didn't go so well the last time I tried it.

I am one of those serial monogamists who at 39 still doesn't know how to date.

Any chance this guy is still interested at all after two weeks with minimal contact? What is that in guy years?

Small, possibly relevant details--he lives 1 hr. away and works about 30 mins. away. He works for a startup and has only been there for a few months.

I'm trying to shift my focus to other things this LONG weekend so writing here instead of contacting him.

Crush updates:

The homeless hippie now has a name. A-crush. I ran into him yesterday in the park where a bunch of people were hanging out. I was there with a friend who was painting. He lives there, so i saw him but didn't say anything, he recognized me, came up, we talked, he smoked us on a joint. Anyhow, he's still the most gorgeous thing i've ever seen, but is slightly insane. Talks about enlightenment way too much for my taste.

But... he introduced me to a professional artist who paints in that same park every day. And I'm crushing very badly there. He's cute, in a dorky sort of way, and artistic, and has a career in it, and single... I dropped by there today just to say hi (not quite stalking), and we actually seem to have a spark there. A dorky nerdy sort of spark... *sigh*

This.... Might.... Materialize... (even though I sort of want to keep off relationships for a while, despite crushing on everything male lately)
lol natulik, I couldve written that one...I too crush on a sexy, slightly dorky hippie boy...I dont think mine's homeless tho (or were u kiddin?) but one thing's for sure: poor boys are the shit.
still - yep, he's actually homeless, and lives on the mountain. All Buddha-looking-for-enlightenment style.
Take a look in the archives (May 13th, posted on the 11th), I posted our first encounter on it. He's too crazy though. And by "crazy" I mean substantially crazier than my already very flexible standards of acceptable craziness.

The other one is not homeless though, and only slightly crazy.
oh I've heard. it. all. in my fascinatng life, my ordinarily cool crush said to me that he doesnt like girls who are conceited, but for guys being conceited is OK. Obviously, I'm a bit peeved but not sure if this is grounds for disqualification (from my "to do" list). what do you gals think?
Well, its just a stupid thing to say, but if I was disqualified every time I said a stupid thing...wait...I have been.
In my opinion - the wonder of crushes is the instant "qualification" and "disqualification" from the todo list. Because there's no direct intention to do anything, so you can have fun and have the freedom to be fully selective.

so yeah, I'd disqualify.
I disqualified a crush for being into Celtic dancing. It was already on a slippery slope due to the sci-fi doodles I saw in his notebook and the cargo pants and him telling me he was going to do yoga at sunrise, but the Celtic dancing hobby was the last straw.

He looked like Tony Parker of the San Antonio Spurs. He was gorgeous with a thick Portuguese accent. And he seemed to be into me. But still... no.
Haha, I've never 'disqualified' a crush, but I have for potential crushes based on their favourite movies. You think "secret window" was cinematic genius?! No freaking way.
I cannot have a crush on a man that has crap taste in music. I just... I can't. I went a couple of dates with a crush once & when we went back to his apartment I nosed thru his CDs. It went from 'screw me into the mattress, daddy-o' to 'oh, hells no'.
ap, what was in his music collection that was so bad? very curious.

i have trouble if the guy is an artist and i don't like his art. which is not very nice, but oh well.
Off the record, J-crush had a small one, which though I know some women have figured out all kinds of ways to work with, I'm a tall, buxom, not small kitty type woman. I have never run across this before so there's a little part of me that's relieved he's not that into me, because now I don't have to try to be cool about it. I don't care how pretty his eyes were, this was eventually going to stump me (no pun intended). So he disqualified me first (probably for putting out the relationship sonar, which is practically tattooed on my forehead anyway), but he saved me the trouble of having to later find the bust thread on dealing with small johnsons.
Lunasol, mostly bad euro dance music & one lonely copy of the White Album.
AP...i totally agree with you...taste in music is a big turn on for me...and how most of my crushes start...
For reals, though! Long ago & far away I once went on a movie date with a guy & he wanted to see 'Ace Ventura: Pet Detective'. I DON'T THINK SO. NOPE. NO WAY. NO HOW. I suggested that the date end then & there because I was going to see 'In the Name of the Father' instead. He actually waited, like, an hour for me to come out of the theatre because my movie was MUCH longer than his. While I appreciated it, I still thought he was a tool & it was over.

It's like having bad taste in post-modern achitecture...

I've been on so many bad dates in the past fifteen years. From the guy that asked me if he could "nigger rig" a neti pot to the Middle Eastern cat that would buy me smokes, but he would only dole them out when he felt it was appopriate for me to have one. We only went on two dates. What the hell I was thinking...

In retrospect, I suppose it was because all three of them were hot, I was young, & I let my viginny do the thinking.

Sorry, that cracked me up...he actually WAITED for you? Like that was totally normal date behavior - to go to separate movies...good christ on a cracker...

(not that I'm bumping or anything, but that new thread has me squicked out)
100% true. I thought for sure I'd be catching a bus, but he waited. I wouldn't watch an Ace Ventura movie even if my date was Eric Szmanda. That's saying something.

So, Jcrush. KILLING ME. He was out of town for a bit. This is yesterday:

Me: "You put up with my shit."

Him: "I put up with? I put up with your shit? If anything, I want more of your shit."

SUCKA! Why is it that if you don't fawn all over a hot guy he wants you like there's no tomorrow? Retarded!
My online crush is killing me lately. We just met last weekend, had this intense foreplay/almost sex.... and now he's being all "well, maybe I'd like to see you again, but we're not dating.... " Fuck me. This probably goes in a different thread.

So, I guess he's telling me that I can (and he) date around. But, the shitty part is that he lives in SC and I GA.

Yet, I really want this to work out. LDR's rarely do though. I tend to have a wandering eye.

In seperate news, I'm crushing hard core of one of my co-workers at my new job. It's too bad he works in a different building. I wanted to fuck the taste out of his mouth, and almost gave him my number. :-)

Onlinw Crush told me he didn't mind me giving out number (I told him I was getting hit on at work) I just feel as though perhaps we just moved too fast this past weekend, due to the newness of it all.


I'm trying not to let this all go to my head. But, I have a bad feeling it already has.

However, I'm glad there are other options (or boys) out there. I tend to date them. I'm not trying to make online crush (okay a little, I'm not going to lie) jeolous. However, I don't want to be stuck at home waiting for him to call.
You know?

I just hope he doesn't think I'm some random cunt that he can come down here and fuck on occasion. That is so not happening.

I just got off a very confusing IM session with him were he told me that he was happy that he took pics of me, but wanted to get to know me in a non-phyiscal way, etc.... and he mentioned "some weekend" where as he was leaving he told me one specifically. Bloody hell!!! I wish the boy would make up his mind.

hey ladies
the boyfriend is moving out....i have a get-together with the contractor for later in the week.....getting a promotion at is going well;-)
i'm happy to be able to find my way back to the thread i started and then had to abandon because there were no crush-worthy men in my life. but this time, ohhh i've got it bad.

his name is jose. he has the most beautiful lips i have ever seen. he's funny, he's smart, and at the club on my birthday, he actually did the worm. which for most guys would be a "disqualifier," but for him was actually adorable.

i'm trying to work out a way for a mutual friend to get us together some night. if it doesn't happen, i'm gonna have to bite the bullet and ask him to hang out myself. cross your fingers for me?
Oh, I so fucked up tonight. I am a total SLUT. The ex-ex got a promotion & invited me to his victory dinner. I have a crush on his boss. We've met several times at Xmas parties/office picnics/etc & I've always been smitten by his brains. I knew I shouldn't go when I changed my outfit five times, but duh. I went anyway. I get there & his *HOT* boss opens the door. He cocked his head, eyed my paper bag & said, "You know ex-ex doesn't drink anymore, right?" YES, I'm *why* ex-ex doesn't drink anymore, I brought non-alcoholic sparkling cider. Ex-ex, of course, fucks up his sauce & I send him out to entertain his guests & make the sauce myself. I'm bustling about the kitchen in a tacky apron & in comes boss man, "Well, aren't you the picture of domestication." I tell him to suck my left one & continue to cook. He helps by watching my ass as I move 'round the kitchen. Keep in mind that boss man is old enough to be my father, but is smokin' hot. FLAMING, INCENDIARY PANTY HOT. He's a genius chemist & the smart oozes from every sexy pore. I cannot help but go all out. I even switched the seating arrangement so we were seated together & ex-ex couldn't say anything about it without looking like a jealous little bitch(Keep in mind that I had a TRO against him two years ago while he was still drinking.) I pulled out all the stops. I was smart, funny, flirty, & touched boss man at every opportunity. After dinner we listened to the CDs I burned ex-ex. Much dancing commenced. Boss man shakes it very well. Time to go. Boss man & I are the last to leave. We're walking in the same direction; he to his car, me to the bus stop. "My dear lady, don't be silly, I'll give you a ride home." He took my arm & opened the car for me. For some reason I find his formality to be insanely sexy. He wanted to know where to take me & since it was early I asked him to drop me at my local for a nightcap. He thought a drink sounded good, too & asked if he could join me. HELLS YEAH! He took me to some winebar a few blocks away & got us a nice bottle of prosecco while I went to the loo. We sat on a couch in the rear of the establishment & chatted until the bottle was gone. Turns out that he wasn't just a science nerd, he actually went to college on a football scholarship. I knew he didn't have that body by just staring down a microscope! He likes chess & crossword puzzles. He's a very multifaceted person & that just turns me on even more. When it was time to drop me off, I instructed him to park in my spare space & attacked. I was a bit apprehensive, but after about two seconds he jumped into my mouth. We made out for about a half an hour before security busted us. I'd have fucked him in his car if they hadn't. God love a Volvo! I gave him my number & bid him adieu, Robert. "Bobby. My friends call me Bobby. Only people at the lab call me Robert." Le sigh. I am a *TOTAL* slut. He dropped me off a half hour ago & I want to call him & talk dirty to him.
auralpoison....... that story was hot.
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