Apr 6 2009, 11:06 AM
futura, that all sounds so great! I am really happy for you!
I had sex with the guy who I hooked up with two months ago, and it was fun. He was very kinky and dirty, and we really got along physically, I felt much more relaxed and self-assured, and he said all this great stuff to me, like how my breasts were the biggest he ever seen (in a good way), how I had a really beautiful body and he liked how the light shone off different areas at times, how sexy my lips looked, and just being very complimentary, and it made me feel really happy and sexy. It was just fun.
I'm going to take a break from dating and sex for awhile. I feel like I accomplished a lot within a few months. I was nervous with my dance crush, so I went out with one guy and fooled around with another, partly to gain confidence and to not focus on my crush, as well as having casual conversations with my brother's college friends about random shit, and it helped a lot when I finally did have some nice conversations with my crush. I figured he wasn't into me after a while, so I went out on another date and got to have sex last Friday night. So it's fun and I feel like I set out to do what I wanted and got it, and can feel more relaxed now. I feel very self-assured and confident and aware of my sexuality, and feel more comfortable with guys when talking to them in casual ways, not necessarily flirting or trying to be sexy. I just got lucky a couple of times.
Apr 6 2009, 12:25 PM
Sounds like you're on the right track, Period. I imagine things'll only get better while holding out...
Anna, you're doing your own thing, and that's the best one can accomplish. I see so many people projecting their own fears and issues on their SO/flavor-of-the-month, and it's not good. I think Zoya somewhere said that people want someone else to mask their problems and whatnot. You're doing the right thing; making choices yourself. You'll be all the more attractive, believe you me!
Hmm, Period, i don't really know. Our lives are completely different and in some regard he's quite traditional, and i don't know if that's for me. He seems to know what he wants from life though (i like that in a man), he's more on track than last year, when we first met. I would never move back to the province i was born in. It's not like i took a vow not to, but i finally live in the city i've been wanting to move to for so long (and it wasn't easy either). I'm not giving that up. And, for now, a relationship is out of the question. Almost a year ago my ex & i broke up after 9 years. So single life is for me right now. I know when i feel i have to pursue someone. And with him, it's not. And cute guy finally sees the benefits of being on his own. He even told me his plans for Saturday evening; watching a movie alone while eating ice cream...i must say that's pretty adorable!
Anyway, we only met thrice, so we don't know eachother. I've never had that 'zing' the first time i saw someone. With me, feelings always develop after time. So i don't really know why this can't be a relationship. I just think we both don't want it. Why? Tough question. If my tummy says no, it's no.
But i'm in the mood now. I think i'll take my chances with Browneyed guy, the one in my building. I won't pounce him (because i feel it's his turn to make a move), but maybe i've been too subtle. I feel like he's a bit intimidated by me, i don't know. He's almost a decade older than i am, but last year he and i were discussing his work and he turned into this meek lamb hoping for my approval....
Apr 6 2009, 11:05 PM
Yes, we went over to my friend's house for this wine pairing shindig on Saturday night. It only ended up being 8 people, but with the wine and food flowing, everyone had a good time. Dude liked my friend and her hubby, and I got a call from her the next day congratulating me because he was cool and we were obviously really into each other.
As the party wound down, we excused ourselves and headed downtown hoping to catch some good live music, and we quickly found it. It was a local french folk band at a laid back pub, with super friendly people in the crowd. We chatted with the band for a while after they finished their set. It was perfect for two beer and music lovers like us.
We got more physically comfortable with each other that night and had a sweet kiss at the end of it, though I wish the beer I had hadn't gotten me stupid drunk. Luckily, he already knew I can't really handle my liquor.
We have plans to meet up Friday night before I leave for San Diego this weekend. As another friend said, "He's trying to nail this thing down!" Works for me!
Futura, I wish I'd had half the fun and conquests you're having while single. Damn girl.
Anna, I like where your head's at, and I'm glad you had such kick-ass portions.
Period, word on the impatience issue. The waiting sounds like a great move for you.
Apr 7 2009, 03:42 AM
Wow, Flanker! Sounds like you'll be heading over to the 'Committed' thread soon;)
Glad you had such a good time!
I've never been single. This is the first time. I always thought it wasn't for me. But by breaking up with my ex, i finally have the time and opportunity to find out what i really want. I changed so much since then. I think guys pick up on that. It's like flies on a fresh pile o' shit, i kid you not.
Apr 7 2009, 11:21 PM
I'm in the exact opposite position, as I've never been in a long-term relationship. It's so wierd to see that possibility unfold before me. So much of my identity is tied up in being solo. I relish living life on my own terms more than many people I know. But at the same time, I'm so excited about the idea of sharing a life with someone like this guy in the future.
And I totally see what you mean about having that freshly freed aura about you, and how that would be magnetic.
Apr 8 2009, 10:08 AM
hmm. I usually receive more attention when I am happily partnered off. Woot on the wine tasting and future plans.
So as far as patience goes, I am finding myself losing it. Yesterday, while awaiting his response from an email I sent a few days ago, I forwarded a small insignificant article about one of his interests. It was my way of reminding him that while I have patience, I do exist. And he's been well-trained by someone.
He emailed back very quickly explaining how busy he is, which I understand because I am also super pressed for time, which makes this whole obsessive, waiting for a response thing a distraction I don't need. I am going to wait a while before responding, because at this moment, I am in control, and perhaps I can better focus on other things, like my freaking career, now when I have the upper hand.
why does it have to be so complicated? Seriously, I am overthinking every little thing. grr
Apr 9 2009, 12:02 AM
Sounds like this cherry needs poppin', period. Propose a date so you can see how all the build-up compares to the real thing, and make a decision from there about how much time and energy you want to give to Online Guy.
Apr 13 2009, 11:26 AM
Hey Period, has Online Guy contacted you yet? Taking things slow is good, but when it's done online, you'd like to see the person live at some point, no?
I mailed NerdGuy today to take him up on the offer. I asked this girl i know about him and she knows him pretty well. She said he's sweet, sympathetic. So that's good. He hasn't told anyone we kissed.
I'm about to go to this thing with art and bands. I'm meeting up with a guy i'm becoming good friends with. He's going through a breakup and it's hard for him. But lately his attention for me has made me uncomfortable. I see him as a good friend only. And i want to keep it that way. I have to say something to him about it tonight, just to keep things clear.
Yesterday i was at a party and the girl in line before me was has had a fling with former crush. I recognized her so i said hi. She kinda shied away from a light conversation and seemed embarrased. Hmm, i wonder why that is. In part i think it's because she made out (and more) with former crush on his b-day 2yrs ago and it wasn't classy. I was there with my ex and some friends.
Anyway. Off to this party and hot guys!
Apr 14 2009, 06:12 AM
Futura, I hope you had a good time. Any guy you apply the label NerdGuy to has to be fantastic. Best of luck to all busties with crushees.
The emailing has continued. I've given online guy a deadline (only in my own head), within the week. Things either must move forward or I am. And by my moving forward, I mean that I will stop my part and just concentrate on other, possibly more pressing concerns, see the anxiety thread.
Apr 14 2009, 06:49 AM
Good luck, Period! Good thing, that deadline.
Yeah, well. NerdGuy emailed me back saying he has a gf now. But since i've made it clear i'm not ready for any sort of commitment he would like to go out anyway. And that he'd understand if i didn't. But i think he's cool, and since i'm new in town, i'm all for meeting new people.
I talked to my friend about things being weird. It upset him that he's made me uncomfortable. But he was glad i brought it up. All is well now.
Apr 14 2009, 10:15 PM
I chatted with the guy I slept with, and we may meet again in a couple of weeks, as I'm busy this weekend. I suppose we'll probably hang out somewhere and maybe have sex later on, I'll see how it goes. I had fun with him, but didn't feel a strong attraction, no crush feelings. He wrote me a nice text during the Easter weekend, as I was out of town visiting family. He wrote, "Happy easter! Hope it is still nice where you are. Write me when you get back in town." It's nice to read, since it seemed like he was looking for more a sex thing initially but really likes my personality enough to want to hang out more besides sex.
I hope you have platonic fun with NerdGuy, futura!
I agree with futura, period, good making a deadline.
I had fun in my dance class tonight, doing a fun routine, and I felt so sexy and cute in my new yoga pants and a grey shirt that showed off my figure in a strong and sexy way. I even got complimented by a woman saying I lost weight and looked really good. And in the class following it, my former crush played his i-Pod, and there was this really good Busta Rhymes song, and I was interested in knowing what the song title was, but didn't think to ask the guy after class, forgetting about it. Not even talking in a flirty way, just wanting to download it for myself. Ah well. The guy seems sweet, I just can't tell if he's either shy, gay, or straight but indifferent to me. But I'm glad that I've gotten good attention from guys elsewhere, I've felt much more confident and comfortable in my own skin more. It's mostly due to having lost weight and changed social habits, but having grown up more and shedding the "ugly nerdy girl" self-image for the most part.
Apr 15 2009, 05:09 PM
Anna, that all sounds wonderful. Good for you!
*Parts crossed that Online Guy meets the deadline!*
Futura, you seem like such a smart lady about these things, and I admire that.
Well, I went out with dude Friday night before I left town. We had fun, but I also became frustrated with the level of physical contact. As in, I wished there was more. So I plan on giving him a call today to find out what his feelings are on the subject. I'm guessing he needs more friendly time before opening up more physically. I've never been in this situation before, and am definitely used to guys that are very into touching/kissing/etc. early on. The fact that I was drinking and there was some closeness definitely amped up my sexual frustration. I may have to institute a curfew on these dates! Also, it just occured to me that I should continue this conversation in the general dating advice thread...
Apr 15 2009, 08:55 PM
hi crushies - I've not been in here for a long time, but good to see there are some good crushes going on...
I have a crush. He's big, black, heavy, fast and shiny. He's a Triumph Bonneville motorcycle, and I've decided that by the end of the year, I'm going to have him. I'm so fucking over every guy going south on me, that I'm over it. I'm getting me a big, vibrating piece of metal that I can put between my legs and the only way that he will go south is if I drive him there. Lest you think that my crush is not real, I have a photo of him on the desktop of my computer where I can gaze at him any time I want, until he becomes mine.
and no, I'm not one of those chicks who's gonna marry her bike kinda like that chick married the berlin wall. I'm sure Mr Triumph will help to get me laid by flesh and blood once in awhile..
Apr 16 2009, 12:42 AM
Zoya, that sounds way hot.
My fingers are crossed that the day he's yours comes soon!
Apr 16 2009, 05:26 AM
lol... z, you are AWESOME!
i hung out with an old crush of mine-- a girl that i saw briefly before i met mr. t. she and i were friends for a while, and i really liked her, but things never really took off. part of it i'm sure was me adjusting to she got married last year being a woman dating a woman. it's a totally different rule book, far as i can figure, and 5 years ago, well, i was a trainwreck.
we used to have a standing date to see any horror movie that came out, since she likes them as much as i do. she's goth so she has the same sort of dark/morbid sensibility that i do, but hanging out with her, and getting drinks after, i realized how much i really miss her, her company. around her i'm funny. don't get me wrong, when i'm around mr. t i'm funny too, but it's that sort of putting each other down/sarcastic/witty/ clever repartee kind of funny, where as around this old crush i'm silly/goofy/playful/sweet kinda funny. and she makes me laugh....
Apr 16 2009, 03:07 PM
*cues Wayne's World* One day she will be mine..oh yes! she will be miine...Zoya that's too cool for school. When you get one we will need pictures!
Anna, it sounds all good. Have fun!
Flanker, talk to him. Like you said, if you're familiar with kissing/touching early on, drinking definitely enhances that. So be open to him about it, see how he feels in that department.
And you can come in here anytime, you know that right? I mean, especially if this relationship thing is quite new to you,
so i can understand that you post back and forth in here and in the relationship thread.
I've been hinting at browneyedguy (via online) that we didn't see enough of eachother (i see him online, but not much IRL). So he messaged me back saying he intends to swing by each week (in the building where i have my studio). Um...this should be interesting. I saw him yesterday outside, on the street. So i said hi and he stopped his bike. We had some casual banter and when we said goodbye he blew me a kiss!
Drama guy has been in touch again. We chatted a bit online and he was all sweet talk. I guess it's that time again. Not that i'm complaining.
Apr 16 2009, 11:54 PM
Thanks futura, I appreciate that - I just didn't want to get too OT with talk about negotating a new relationship. I'm going over to his place tomorrow night, and I told him I had something I wanted to talk with him about.
I'm glad to hear the crush action is still going strong!
Apr 19 2009, 04:30 AM
Dinner with Nerdguy was nice. It was a bit awkward at first, but after dinner we went to some bars to drink. At some point he asked me if i didn't think it was strange that he had a gf now. I guess he thought i would have a bit of a problem with that. I said i was glad he'd been upfront about it, being clear about things from the beginning.
And to be honest, as cool as he is, i wouldn't have pursued anything. So the gf thing put everything in a platonic light, so i don't have to worry about rejecting someone.
Apr 20 2009, 12:17 AM
So, do you know yet if it's going to be an ongoing friendship, or more of a one-time date? I've never went out with a guy that had a girlfriend, but around here people are generally pretty uptight about the bf/gf title.
The talk with dude turned out as predicted - he definitely wants to hold off on sex until we know each other better and want to be a couple. Then we made out for a bit. It'll be a great exercise in patience for me, but it'll be damn hard for me not to act like it's some sort of challenge, 'cause I do love to tease. I guess I'm all grown up now.
Apr 20 2009, 03:27 AM
Some time ago i talked with a couple, they were together for quite a while. And since they fell for eachother hard, they held off sex until they got to know eachother better. They said it was damn hard but worth it.
I'm glad things are out in the open now, Flanker.
Going out for dinner is probably a one-off. But we'll see eachother around town. He said he'd email me about fun things to do here. And in two weeks he's deejaying at an art gallery during yearly festivities. He said i should come. So we will meet up, but probably in groups.
I have quite some guy friends, and my ex always had girl friends (always attractive ones at that). But i never felt jealous. Neither did he.
I'm one of the guys. Always have been. But in terms of attraction i'm never dismissed as just being one of the guys. Looking back i can see why girls were acting jealous; i am the one closest to the fire, so to speak.
I'm afraid i'm still not over former crush. I haven't the faintest idea what it is that attracts me to him. He's probably kind of magnetic. I'm also guilty of distorting the facts for myself. I really have to stop acting like i got dumped or something. I don't want him, i don't need him, and i'm too mature for him anyway. I guess it just all boils down to lust. I haven't seen him in a while, which is good. I think he doesn't really know how turn this thing around either, in terms of hanging out (he once said he never levelled with a girl before like he does with me. I mean, seriously?). My BFF says i give him way too much credit. She's right. Being hung like a clydesdale does not equal magnificent sex. I mean, it was good, but we were always in a bacchanal state.
Yeah, like i don't have better things to do on a Monday morning than whining over a guy who's so not worth it romantically.
Apr 20 2009, 09:18 PM
Thanks for sharing the anecdote about that couple, futura. Again, everyone I can think of has jumped in head-first (ha! no pun intended) sexually. I've always wanted to move slower into a relationship than that, but never seriously considered holding off on sexual activity for more than say, a month.
I have to push away that old chestnut of doubt that "once he knows me, he won't want me" that flits through my mind when I think about it. I know better. Since I've been the best version of myself I've ever known (the past two years), I've had plenty of guys who really wanted a chance to be in my life.
As for former crush, is it possible to get together with him one more time, y'know, for closure? Maybe that would take care of it.
*sucrries off to look up bacchanal*
Apr 20 2009, 11:55 PM
I'm glad you answered your own question in the second paragraph, Flanker. Your awesomeness will only impress him more once he gets to know you better! As for holding off sex; my ex and i were friends for a year before we actually got it on. The tension was there, sometimes almost unbearable. When we decided we wanted to be together, we jumped into bed quickly. But it felt good; we'd known eachother for 4 years, and then got to know eachother really wel during one year. It'll be worth the wait!
As for closure, yes, i would like to say something to him about what happened between us (we had an good an honest conversation about that, but still things feel unfinished, unresolved). But now that he has a girlfriend i'm not sure if he really wants to hang out. A couple of months ago we talked on the phone and he said he'd like to swing by, see my new apartment. Ofcourse he hasn't followed up on that. But i know that at some point he still likes me. I wonder if he's scared to really talk about stuff (and see me again, and then finally has to tell me to my face that he has a gf. In which case i ask him about his fear of commitment. And then he really has to come clean). My earrings are still at his place, i keep forgetting that. I'm not helping either, if i call him it feels like i'm swallowing my pride.
But a guy who sucks me this dry emotionally is no good. After sex i felt empty, you know? I started questioning myself. Something wasn't right. At friend level we could be ok, but i don't know if he's mature enough to juggle a girlfriend and me just hanging out with him.
Some guys just don't take their responsibility. And i'm not going to take it for them. Been there done that, got the bloody t-shirt. And to be fair, i'm moving on. Sometimes i just have these setbacks you know?
Thanks for letting me rant here.
Hehe, i'm not even sure if i used the word correctly, but bacchus; god of wine and spirits.
Apr 21 2009, 07:50 PM
hi there everyone, I am crashing this thread to make a confession that has been on my mind for a few months now, as I have no one I can confess to... I have a tiny, rather innocent crush on one of my boyfriend's best friends. By that, I mean that mostly I just think he is a pretty cool guy to hang out with, very sweet and funny, but I don't want to jump his bones or anything. I've always had these little minor crushes on bf's friends, but none of my previous bf's have been stellar guys I was all that committed to, so I never felt guilty. It is a weird situation for me. ...that is all.
Apr 21 2009, 09:35 PM
angie, that's OK to have a minor crush on one of your bf's friends, like more of friendly, casual crushes, not necesarily sexual. I've had that too.
I'm sorry about your situation, futura.
Most of the time, when I've had sex with guys, they were brief hookups, and I never felt like seeing them again. When I really liked a guy, I held off, waiting to get more comfortable, then ended up liking them as friends. I was going to meet with the guy last week, but I felt crappy and wasn't in the mood. We've exchanged texts, and talked on the phone for 10 minutes on Friday night, and I may see him again later this week. I'm on my period, and not really in the mood for sex, but wouldn't mind making out and touching, just the affection would be nice. And he really likes me, though I don't know if as a FWB or something more. I'll just see where this goes and enjoy my time with him.
zoya, I loved your post. You are freakin' awesome.
Apr 22 2009, 04:42 AM
Yay for crushes!
Anna, don't worry about it. I'm quite new to dating, and these things come with the territory i guess. Looking back i don't regret anything.
Enjoy your time with your date!
Apr 22 2009, 04:43 AM
oops double post!
Apr 22 2009, 05:57 AM
Congrats flanker on the development with the crush! You might have to transfer to the relationship thread, huh.
He sounds like a good guy. From what my male friends have told me, they hold off on sex when it comes to a woman they want long term potential with.
**back to lurking**
Apr 24 2009, 12:16 AM
After I saw a dance performance tonight, I met up with the guy, and we had sex at his place, and it felt even better than the first time, more because we were familiar with each other's kinks. I'll post more in the portions thread, but it was fun and made me feel very good, and I like the way he looks at me in this adoring, sweet way.
I felt crappy in my past dance class, partly because I wasn't too enthusiatic about the dance we did, and also because I smiled and said hello to my former crush, and he smiled at me but didn't say hi back. It made me feel a little embarassed, but slightly better when he told the instructor that he felt sick. So that kind of bummed me, but this guy tonight made up for it.
Apr 24 2009, 12:36 AM
Apr 25 2009, 07:54 AM
Last night i went to an art exhibition. Drama guy was attending and he asked me if i'd like to come. He was with a group of friends. After the performances we went to another gallery, and i ended up talking to a girl i knew in school. Drama guy was walking around, talking to other people, so i figured i'd see him later. Not.
Around midnight i got a text saying 'where are you'. Since i'd been in the same spot when he left ( i thought he went for a smoke outside) i texted back the location. After that, nothing. I tried calling him. To no avail. I tried texting him. No answer. The gallery was closing, and some guy said he was still inside. Since i was outside and wasn't allowed back in, due to closing, i waited. And waited. And waited. And called. And no one answered. At last, a guy came up to the door and i asked if drama guy was still inside. 'No he left a while ago'. I felt so stupid. Here i was, in a city i do not live in, the last train was gone. I was stranded and all i got was one more totally random textmessage. At least he could've called me, could've said goodbye. At this point i was royally pissed. And i did something i never do. I left 3 voicemails on his cellphone. One was like 'where are you, i've been standing here for an hour, waiting.' The second one was 'i'm really pissed, you can't treat me like this' and the third already apologetic (when wil i ever learn). I texted him to ditch the voicemails.
I didn't expect anything except having a good time. Though he was very affectionate earlier on (kissing me, telling me he was glad to see me, holding my hand) i would never count on sex or even sleepover. In any way, he could have been a gentleman. You know, making sure i was alright.
I called a friend, he came to pick me up and i crashed on his couch. I haven't heard anything yet. I called my BFF and she's like 'he's a scumbag. Don't let him get away with this.' I'm sadly dissappointed. At least he could've gotten in touch, to hear if i was ok. He seemed so nice. I mean, i can count on some respect, even if there's no thing, no relationship right? I was afraid i got it al blown out of proportion, but my BFF told me i was not. And i know i'm not. I'm the fking jackpot and you better believe it. If this guy can't be bothered to have the decency to make sure i'm ok, then i will think twice about hooking up again.
Apr 25 2009, 08:47 AM
futura, I am so sorry he did that to you. That is selfish and careless and just such an asshole move, whether he meant it or not. I'm glad you were able to crash at a friend's place, and that you have a good BFF.
"I'm the fking jackpot and you better believe it."
That is really awesome that you wrote that. Sometimes I feel like that too, on my good days.
Apr 25 2009, 11:02 AM
He called. The first time i was clumsy with my cell and clicked it shut before i could answer. Then he called again, but i was in a store in the process of buying a new cellphone, so i told him to call me back later. When he called again i answered and the first thing he said was sorry. His cellphone had been low on batteries and shut down. He and some friends had gone outside. I said he should've told me he when he was going, so i could make my own plans. He said it was a dumb thing he did. The whole evening was a bit of a chaos, miscommunication and dead celphones only added to this.
I said to him i felt very stupid and angry when i found out he was nowhere to be found. He said 'so you were like stranded and if we'd talked before you thought maybe you'd sleep at my place?' I said 'I don't think or assume anything. It's just that i feel we should be clear about things, not only one on one but also when we're hanging out.' He said he knew i feel that way. I don't want to claim him. That's not the point. But i like to know where i stand. I said 'you should've told me when you were going, you know, just say goodbye, that would've been fine. It's that simple.' He said i was right and it was stupid not to have done that. He intended to come back, but when he did the gallery was closed.
So. He asked if i was alright and where did i sleep. He wants to cook me dinner, to make up for what he did. I can't stay mad for long, and when someone apologizes i always tell them like; oh, it's no big deal. Ofcourse i did say that to Drama guy (some patterns are so hard to break). But he interjected saying it wasn't ok and he'll cook dinner. I said okay. Just leave it to me to dig my own grave! No seriously, maybe i should have told him i wanted to think about it. But then it would have become a game to me and that's not how i want to play it with him. The angry voicemail thing is so unlike me, and that means i feel comfortable enough to show my uncontrolled rage. I never did that with former crush.
Anna, bad days or not, the jackpot thing always stands. I hope that it'll be the same for you.
Apr 25 2009, 12:26 PM
Boy, that was pretty damn stupid on Drama Guy's part. There's no harm in going over to his place for dinner as long as you keep being honest about your feelings, right? Are you feeling any better re: former crush? I can totally get behind not wanting to take responsiblity for getting feelings resolved w/ him.
Anna, I'm glad to hear you had another great night with your guy! I wouldn't read too much into former crush's response - it probably was just about him feeling crappy, not you.
Thanks stargazer! He is clearly serious about having real love in his and his kids' life. I'm feeling pretty lucky right now, like I'm being considered for a very good job in my major field right after graduating from college (undergrad).
Apr 25 2009, 02:04 PM
Honesty about feelings; definitely. The girl i was talking to yesterday said drama guy is quite the heartbreaker. I was angry because he left without saying anything. And i was mad at myself for waiting. That is something i normally refuse to do; even waiting around like that is putting someone else (read: guy) first. Adn that didn't sit well with me. I'm normally laidback, take things how they come. So feeling angry and letting him know that was like showing my cards. And i didn't want him to think i value this whatever we do more than he does. I told my friend who came to pick me up and he was like "ofcourse not! You're just not that kind of girl, he surely knows that!"
I like him, we have a good time, that's it. I mean, yes, i'd like to jump his bones and the way he looks at me is like..cod i see exactly what he's thinking about. At the same time he's a huge fan of my work and he thinks the world of me.
My best friend came over for coffee two days ago. He hung out with former crush and told me fc didn't know how to tell me about his gf because he though i was still "in love" with him. My cod, can you say overanalyzing?? My friend also told me that this gf was pretty rad, selfmade, succesful. "Like you" he said. Friend said fc was already fcking things up. Probably without even seeing it. The guy needs a reality bitchslap, for real.
Anyway, i was done with this shit. So i decided to call him. I told fc that the whole town knows about them, me included. That i found things to get increasingly uncomfortable and that i hoped he realized that if we are friends he must be honest, and just tell me about the gf already. That what we did last year was last year and if we are to hang out again it'll be as friends, so i don't have to worry he'll think there's more behind me asking him for a get-together. He told me he dumped her. That she was too much of a bigmouth, apparently. I don't really buy that, especially after what my friend told me. He just want to be with succesful women, because he himself wants to be like that. And when he can't handle it, he dumps them. I suspect that's what happened to his ex-ex as well.
He didn't see it coming, my calling him, and he was like 'whoa now there's some honesty'. That it was 'mature' to say that. 'I AM mature' i said. 'I'm a big girl, i can take it'. He asked if i didn't think it was weird, me saying all this and then his reaction that it was over between him and his gf. I was like 'no, because the principle is still the same.'
Cod, fc can be so arrogant. 'Why would you still be friends?' i hear you guys think. Good question.
Jeebus H, am i longwinded or what??
Apr 25 2009, 03:15 PM
FC does sound like a douche, but hey, you're just telling us parts of him. You see the whole picture. I'm also glad you got some more info about Drama Guy. Don't worry about the long-windedness, it was a quick read.
Apr 25 2009, 03:32 PM
futura, you're strong for dealing with these guys. I would just get frustrated and dismiss them, but, like flanker siad, you know a lot more than I do. And you're not longwinded, I like reading your posts!
Thanks flanker. I had fun with the guy, he was very sweet with me, and despite that we just seem to be friends with benefits, he's very respectful of me and doesn't just treat me like something to ejaculate into/on, but cares about my pleasure as well. So it's nice.
And I'm feeling better about having felt bad about former crush. Tonight I'm going out to see a friend's friend perform in Brooklyn, and it looks like it'll be a good party, so I'm excited about it.
Apr 26 2009, 05:43 AM
How was the party, Anna? It's good that the guy's respectful towards you. Even if there's no relationship, what you share is pretty intimate.
Flanker, that's awesome news, both the job consideration and lucky development in you love life! I'm rooting for you!
Fc can be a real douche at times. But he's thoughtful as well (almost philosophical at times) and we share a lot of interests. I think it's that gemini-sagittarius-opposites-attract kind of thing that makes us get along so well. It's all about honesty now. He's an artist, and the paintings he made last year were very good. Now he's gone off on a tangent in digital imagery and i don't think it's particularly great. I will be more critical now and i will tell him so (if he asks my opinion).
And. Tomorrow i have lunch with browneyedguy. My friends are like; why? At the same time they are very curious as of how this will unfold. Let's say that browneyedguy is a type of person i have never dated. He's kind of particular. My friend said i have balls of steel.
Apr 27 2009, 12:34 PM
Yay for respectful FWBs!
Futura, I hope you have a nice lunch with browneyed guy!
So, I'll give you one guess who got laid Saturday night... it was great, and I'm at that lovely place where I get excited when I think about certain things he does.
Apr 28 2009, 08:31 PM
Flanker, I am so happy for you! I am go glad you two finally got to consummate your relationship! Excellent on the portions!
futura, how was lunch with brown-eyed guy?
I haven't heard back from my FWB since last Thursday, but I'm not too concerned. It was fun with him, but I didn't have any strong feelings for him during the act, just enjoying being intimate and touching and having fun. He did say there was "so much" he wanted to do with me, so probably when he's looking for some booty he'll call me
I actually talked to my former crush tonight. I had written before that he had played a Busta Rhymes song on his i-Pod in the class, and I really liked it, and wanted to know the title, but forgot to ask. So tonight after class, I went up to him, and said hi. He went, "Hi, how you doing?" I said fine, smiling and being polite, and asked him about the Busta song, and he knew what I was talking about. He said he didn't have it on his i-Pod now, but would find it and let me know. I said thanks and have a good night, and he went "you too." It was nice to have a casual chat, and he looks very shy and small and awkward when I see him up close, that I wonder what had intimidated me before.
Apr 29 2009, 12:15 PM
OMG Flanker! That is awesome. Enjoy your butterflies!
Lunch was fun. He mentioned he's going on a holiday with a woman he knows. He referred to it as a 'kind of affair'. I have no idea what this entails. At some level he's being flirty, and he's shy/reserved at the same time. Anyway, i don't know him that well, but i had a good time. I mentioned the beach and he said i had to let him know next time i was to go; he would come with me. He said it was the first time he hung out with someone from his building, and that he liked it, especially with me.
So for now it's just hanging out. He's had a very turbulent life (he has a son), very different from mine. He doesn't take himself too seriously. And, whew, is he fit! I would like to get together again, but i'm not forcing anything.
Anna, isn't it weird how we put people on some sort of pedestal, make them intimidating in our minds? Somewhere deep in the archives someone said boys are nothing but 'bones and a name.' It's become my mantra.
May 1 2009, 11:54 PM
Yeah, futura, it is weird how I could get so nervous about someone, then talk to him and think, "He's so ordinary. What was I afraid of?"
I hooked up with my FWB tonight, and we had a lot of fun. Got kinkier, dirtier, more experimental, and it was great. I love seeing him smiling at me and challenging me, and me playing a role of being both the submissive and then jumping on him, it's awesome.
That sounded like a nice date, futura.
May 2 2009, 06:19 AM
You go Anna!
Bleh. Drama guy said he'd call me this week and he hasn't. Why do guys always act like there's more and then leave you hanging? I don't act all sweet. I'm reserved when it comes to showing affection in public. I just can't wrap my head around all the inconsistencies. Why does a guy want to hold my hand on the street but doesn't call me when he said he would. Oh well.
Here i am questioning this shit while he probably doesn't even care.
I need to meet new men. 'Nuff said.
May 3 2009, 06:06 PM
Yay for busties making progress with crushes. I consider choosing to look elsewhere progress. A friend of mine irl is having terrible times with this woman she knows where it is impossible to figure out if they are friends or possibly more. I keep urging her to be honest. I guess all the hours with the therapist are paying off.
So the original online guy and I never met up. However, through our emails it became apparent that things would never work--he was just a bit too focused on image to last with this woman. But tomorrow evening I am meeting with the latest one, I'll call him e-man. i am sooooo excited to finally meet him as we've been discussing it a while now, but our schedules and out-of-town guests have made it impossible until now. We're meeting at a nice local restaurant/bar. I must go now, a fashion crisis is in the making. Although I did get pretty new underthings, even if there's no way he'll be seeing them for a while.
May 5 2009, 10:26 PM
I think my sentiments to everyone's updates can be summed up with a yay for new men!
I hope e-man works out well w/ you, period.
My dude and I are officially bf & gf now. Woah.
May 6 2009, 12:27 AM
May 6 2009, 08:45 AM
Congratulations Flanker! That is so awesome!!
I talked to my FWB last night. He's pretty busy with school, so I probably won't see him for a couple of weeks. He slyly mentioned to me that he "had a lot of fun with me last time. Dirty, dirty fun." I don't know if he just views me as a hookup, but we have a really good physical chemistry and get along well as friends, so I'll just ride this one out, no pun intended.
May 6 2009, 09:35 PM
Ride it out, indeed... hee.
May 8 2009, 12:51 PM
I just ran into former crush. I didn't feel weak in the knees or the old nausea i usualy felt when meeting him. I guess that says something. I crossed the street when i heard someone call my name. He was on his way to the station, he probably missed one or two trains because of our conversation but whatever. When he talked i looked at him and thought 'i can never sleep with him again.' Which is good, because it would fuck things up royally.
Just before i ran onto fc my friend had given me a ride in the direction i was going. We talked about a former crush of his and he said that fc probably was my 'white whale'. I dunno if that's true, i think it's a little too dramatic.
It's through this friend that i know drama guy. I could tell he was dissappointed in dg because of what i told him. For now i'm done with drama guy. The sex was good, but i can get that somewhere else if i want. I need to dive in a new dating pool and see what happens. I know guys treat you badly now and then, but i'm not going to stand for it. I don't need drama and i don't deserve that kind of treatment.
May 8 2009, 01:09 PM
That sounds good to hear, futura, about not feeling that crush excitement and thinking, "so what?" And definetly that you don't deserve that kind of treatment or crap.
I got woken up by a text message from my FWB yesterday morning. He said he may or may not be busy that evening, but if he was avaliable, if I could come over that night. I told him I was busy, and gave him another avaliable time. He wrote back "That probably won't work. Damn. I want to tie you up again so badly.
Another time. Have a great day!" I thought it was cheeky and funny, but hope he doesn't just see me as some kind of night-time hookup, I don't want to feel cheap. Yet I really enjoy myself whenever I'm with him, we have a great intimacy.
And I can relate to what you just wrote "I didn't feel weak in the knees . . . . when meeting him. I guess that says something." I feel that way with my former crush, that when I actually spoke to him more, he looked so small and nerdy and awkward, nothing to be intimidated by, and I didn't feel anything. But when I say hi to him, as casual as with my friends, I get a cool response, like "how you doing," with head down. It would make me feel down, like I shouldn't say hi, despite just being friendly. I would doubt myself, but tonight I'm going to a party that my brother's throwing, and looking to have fun and meet some cool/nice people, and shake this off.
May 8 2009, 01:36 PM
I think it's good not to be too available. It sounds like you feel good about how you go about it, Anna. Lol abut FBW's message!
Fc is a bit of a blonde hunky surfer dude in the looks department. I stil think he's awfully beautiful. But the inside has to match. He's a good guy, albeit clueless and totally unfocused. He's not capable of a healthy relationship unless he works on his issues. It's not going to be me anyway.