Oct 27 2007, 03:29 AM
Mouse, I've met you. There is nothing about you that sucks. Just had to clear that up.
QUOTE(_octinoxate @ Oct 26 2007, 12:27 AM)
luckily the new job i'm starting is in social work, so it'll be almost all women!! (although on second thought, since i'm apparently VERY into women lately too...uh oh!)
Is it okay that this really made me laugh? Not at you but, hopefully, with you?
Sorry I never followed up the other day. For some reason I thought that I had posted that comment in the "frustrated singles" thread.
So, to follow up, I know remember what a crush is and why it can suck!
For years I have used the word crush to describe those random happy feelings that I get from certain unattainable guys at work that just sort of give me a reason to wear lipstick at the office and stuff. Nothing serious, you know.
Boy was I wrong. Apparently a true crush makes me listen to Sarah Mclaughlin music for hours while I get mad at all of my Nora Roberts novels. Seriously, I have had two dates with this guy and I had a full on meltdown Thursday night b/c he had not called me. 12 hours ago I was resigning myself to the fact that I was never going to hear from him again (has anyone read Postcards From the Edge
? I kept having the phrase "huge dating accident" run through my head.) So after some medicinal ice cream w/the best friend, the boy calls.
So, as casually as I can possibly be (ie. probably not that casually) I asked him if he was not a big fan of the phone. He works as an IT-type job and spends a lot of time on the phone. When he responded no and asked why I asked, I responded, "Well, I was kind of suprised not to hear from you this week." Ahhh, the light goes on. In his defense, we had emailed but not since Tuesday. I just wanted to hear from him once more during the week as we had kind of made plans for Saturday.
We talked for a little bit longer. Both of us were wiped out from our weeks. I did not mention that I was so tired b/c the night before I had been crying into my pillows over him. Seemed prudent to leave that out. We both have different plans for Saturday (celebrating Halloween!) but may try to catch up late in the night at a club. And if nothing else, he asked if I wanted to see him on Sunday. I am hoping that we can just wander by the Lake and then grab dinner in the neighborhoos next to mine (Andersonville, for Star's benefit.)
And now I am awake. I woke up about 3 AM. I have to be at work at 8 AM. He is not going to be good for my sleep I can already tell you that. But god does he seem to have me worked up.
Oct 27 2007, 12:38 PM
kittenb, BREATHE!!! do it again. stop being the analyzing virgo. make him work for it. remember what you have to offer. stop doing all of the worrying and work. i think it was a good sign he wants to see you. i wouldn't take it personally. and let us know how things go on sunday. take it slowly gurl!!
Oct 27 2007, 04:18 PM
kitten, that is totally something I would do. ugh. it sucks - listen to stargazer, she is a wise woman.
in other news, I ended up talking to a guy at a bar last night, gave him my AIM. He IMed me a bit ago, and we've been chatting for about an hour. He's cute, but I don't really have much desire to get anything going with anyone, so I'm like - meh. We totally had a conversation at the bar about how our lives right now are not condusive to a relationship, so I think the subtext is pretty clear...plus he's just here for work for a month.. anyway, I figure I could always do the sure way of putting the nail in the coffin and sleep with him immediately. haha I'm just honestly not wanting to get involved with anyone until I get my ducks more in a row personally - get the details of a new job I've been offered nailed down, move to the city where the job is, settle down into a normal life. And that's going to be a while. I just don't have the gumption right now.
but at least I'm trying to get out there and move on a bit....
Oct 28 2007, 02:02 PM
QUOTE(stargazer @ Oct 27 2007, 01:55 PM)
kittenb, BREATHE!!! do it again. stop being the analyzing virgo.
Thsi did make me laugh, but, really star, how can you expect me to do something so completely against my natural personality and expect me to relax while doing it?
We met up last night a a dance club and had a lovely time. Tonight we are grabbing dinner and then I am too busy to see him again until next week. This is a very good thing.
Oct 29 2007, 09:29 PM
Well, I have a date set up for Thursday and two other guys who are interested!
kitten, what star said.
Oct 31 2007, 12:00 AM
exciting candy!! let us know how they go
and kitten--don't overthink things!!! i know it's fuckin hard, but just enjoy the moments. you seem like you are now, though. i hope he's worth you.
i spent all tonight with workcrush and two other coworkers at happy hour, which went beyond happy hour into bar hopping and i have only just gotten home. hurray for getting to know people in a non-work environment!
Oct 31 2007, 06:54 PM
I have a date for Saturday as well! I'm on a roll!
Nov 1 2007, 10:27 PM
movin' on up!
i like people. i like beer. i like people who like beer. hooray!
Nov 3 2007, 07:59 PM
candycane_girl, congrats on having a date on a saturday! what's that like I haven't had one in awhile...
Kitten, I feel your pain. I thought I was the only one who had a "meltdown" when I like someone. I send you virtual hugs. I hope the boy doesn't drive you too insane.
As for me, the gal I like works like every single night almost... and I'm certain I may have fucked things up. The girl works okay, don't we all work. This seems to be main excuse #1) work being in the way of seeing each other. Mainly her work.. though I do work some nights. The other excuse being that every time I ask her what she's doing on any given time she already has plans. I haven't seen in her in like 2 weeks yet she claims to have some feelings for me. She did apologize for not being able to see me (I'm uncertain if it was for this week or just in general) then said she may be able to see me this week... the other day I had asked what she was up to this weekend and she wasn't feeling up to thinking about the weekend... now she can't see me this weekend. I text messaged her something along the lines of "I guess sunday is off because your busy?" I was upset...I've had a bad week and it wouldn've just been nice of her to make some time on her damn day off! then I felt bad about lashing out via text message so I sent her an email, because I never see her trying to explain that I'm not normally bitchy and a nag and I kind of hate that all our conversations revolve around when we'll see each other next. anyhow she hasn't responded to either the text or the email. I think I pissed her off.
sure I could date other people.. if we know of any in the New England area please send them my way, I do poorly meeting people on my own. I've never had a relatinship that has lasted more than 8 months and this thing that I have going on that isn't a relationship we've just been seeing each other for the past 5 months but have no relationship status...
I should write a book * bangs head on the desk*
Nov 4 2007, 03:16 AM
muffy....i've kept my mouth shut so far, and i HATE to say it, but christ, DTMFA! if you're worried of "fucking things up" by saying something as mild as that, while she has been basically treating you like you're on the back burner...THAT is fucked up. i know people only talk about things when they're going badly, but pretty much everything you've posted about this girl has her treating you like crap. FIVE MONTHS (!!???) of casual dating and she won't even return your texts? i don't like the sound of her. give her an ultimatum ("start treating me like someone you actually want to hang out with, or i'm done with you") and be prepared for the worst. it doesn't sound like this girl wants much of a future with you--which sucks to hear, i know, but she really kind of sounds like a jerk, and the sooner you get out of it, the better. don't stick around pining for someone who's not worth it.
i have a lot of trouble meeting people too, and i totally understand the predicament, but regardless of how smitten i feel with someone who's not reciprocating, i always feel better when i'm free of them, even if i'm still single. if it's not gonna happen, it's not gonna happen, and giving them more leeway to treat you like crap never helps. i say, tell this girl how you're feeling, lay it out on table, but be prepared to walk away if she's not willing to treat you better. all busties deserve executive cock and pussy, and don't settle for less!!!
new england has a plethora of gay bars, and there's always online dating for the socially inept (which is a category in which i FULLY include myself). plus, it's a little subconscious, but you're always more social and out there when you don't have somebody at the back of your mind. unless you provide substantial evidence to the contrary, i am sticking to my guns and saying that this jerk girl is NOT WORTH YOU. forget her, and find someone who makes time to see YOU.
Nov 4 2007, 09:13 AM
muffy, it is so comforting to know that dating is not different between sexual orientation. not that this comment helps your situation, but i've tried telling this info to all of my strictly hetero friends. especially after and during the relationship with the ex (yup, she's a girl.). it sounds like she is sending mixed messages. and maybe she's not the type of girlfriend you want. it sounds like you want more interaction. if that makes sense. like phone calls, emails, whatever. that's cool.
i agree with mouse. if you are comfortable, then you should try online dating. um, and being in the NE area myself. dude, you should PM me if you ever want to hang out.
and mouse, i AM contacting you the weekend you will be in town. *giggles*
Nov 4 2007, 04:46 PM
stargazer and mouse, I know your right. I just hate to admit she probably isn't right for me. we're not in a relationship, which by the way the girl mentioned in her reply email to me today, I knew we weren't in a relationship btw. I had sent her an email because I was feeling dejected and frustrated and just needed to get it off my chest, but she was at work hence the email. I don't feel any better after reading it I must admit. I actually feel worse because, I believe my best friend put the situation best: she admits to acting like a douchbag but does nothing to improve the situation. I think my personal favorite comment from her email was that when hanging out with someone feels like an "obligation" she doesn't really want to do it. I'm an "obligation?!" that's bull. I told her that people who like each other usually want to communicate with each other, see each other, ect. I guess I felt like if I just explained how she was making me feel that a light bulb would go on and she'd start treating me better and communicate. I don't believe either going to happen. I get the impression she has no intention of changing. good luck to her. It sucks when you like someone and they don't seem to give a damn : (
I have an online profile. that's actually how we had met. I guess its back to the ole online profile.
Stargazer I will defintely have to take you up on hanging out sometime... but I must admit, I have no idea what "PM" stands for *blushes*
Nov 4 2007, 06:22 PM
muffy, i sent you a personal message (PM).
just click on my username and a drop down menu will show up and you will see "send PM." you can do this to anyone you want to send a PM to. look forward to hearing from you.
Nov 4 2007, 06:31 PM
(((((muffy)))))) i am so sorry, that sucks
but really, you are better off getting over this jerk girl as soon as possible. i wish you absolutely all the best of luck in finding someone worth it who WANTS to hang out with you and can't wait to make plans. xoxoxoxoxo
woo boston bustie meetup! honestly i'm not sure what my schedule is gonna be like yet (i'm going to be in nyc half that week) but hopefully we can figure something out!
Nov 5 2007, 07:57 AM
Ditto the support to Muffy. I don't even know you and I know you deserve better than that.
Nov 5 2007, 09:19 AM
muffy, i've been following the conversation and agree with what's been said: you deserve much better. good luck, girl. ((((((muffy))))))
hey, uh, can i get some hugs, too? me and the crush formerly known as mr. gentleman are in the midst of our first--and probably last--fight. it's ugly. i see myself being 100% single and, um, back in this thread soon.
Nov 5 2007, 10:48 AM
((((muffy)))) I agree with what everyone else said. You deserve better!
((((octi)))) what happened?
Now I feel kind of like an ass cause I wanted to come in here and just mention that I had some pretty good dates last week. I'm already feeling like one of the guys put a spell on me with his cuteness and sweetness. Damn these cute guys!
Nov 5 2007, 03:01 PM
I concur, you definitely deserve someone who appreciates you!
I hope things work out, if you want them to.
Candycane, yay for damn cute boys.
And I have to squee a little bit too...I've been following the thread but not posting, as I thought things with PocketBassist had kinda fizzled due to geographic and schedule issues. But I emailed him to say that I was going to be in his neck o' the woods this weekend, and he invited me to a wee show he's doing with an old band. I swear I'm not going to display the complete lack of ovaries I did last time I saw him. Could this be my first time ever
making a move on a boy? We'll see.
Nov 5 2007, 04:05 PM
Have new work crush!! Cute college boy with glasses... yep, another nerd. But, such a hot nerd! And he loves good beer and been to Europe twice. I'm so glad we don't work in the same dept, b/c I wouldn't be able to work. It turns out IKEA doesn't give a crap if you date your co-workers. Except in my dept--- boo. I'm in loss prevention, and I guess b/c we deal with such private things. Still sucks, b/c I so want to grab a drink with this guy!!
Nov 5 2007, 05:04 PM
(((octi))) what happened?
aw mouse. it's cool. just lettin' you that i'm around if you wanna escape the family obligations you have.
(((muffy))) hope you are doing ok.
Nov 5 2007, 08:40 PM
thanks for the hugs and support, candy, llamas, star. what happened? well, the basic issue was that he refused to take any responsibility for contraception (eg, to use condoms). totally not ok, right? but the even bigger thing was that he acted pretty childishly and angrily when i confronted the issue with him. it was just a really unpleasant surprise, on both counts. (after all, i dubbed him "mr gentleman" on bust, right?
) anyway, he texted me today saying he apologizes and it was his fault and he doesn't want to lose me. we'll see, i guess.
anyway, don't mean to be a buzzkill. back to your regularly programmed crushing
sounds like there's some exciting stuff going on in here!
Nov 5 2007, 09:12 PM
QUOTE(_octinoxate @ Nov 5 2007, 08:57 PM)
sounds like there's some exciting stuff going on in here!
You know, Mercury is in retrograde. Everything can get a little weird when that happens...
Nov 5 2007, 09:59 PM
((((octi)))) i hope things work out the way you want them to!!
((Muffy)) girl you will get someone better. i predict it!
star--i'm sure i can make time for coffee at least! we'll get in touch
candy--squee! i hope these damn cute boys are damn awesome as well. fingers crossed! yay for crushes!
i have been having some nice solid hangout time with both my crushes. i am just enjoying it as it is and trying to get to know people better before doing anything rash. things rarely happen organically for me, but we'll see.
Nov 6 2007, 07:28 PM
QUOTE(Muffy @ Nov 3 2007, 08:16 PM)
Kitten, I feel your pain. I thought I was the only one who had a "meltdown" when I like someone.
Good Goddess no! There is no way that we are the only people whom are driven to breakdowns simply b/c we are interested in someone. And if we are...well...at least we have each other. I can't help it. I am what I am. And I'm kind of a spaz.
Nov 6 2007, 08:36 PM
*hugs* to _octinoxate
CandyCane, that is awesome that you had some great dates
and thanks everyone for the support.
Nov 8 2007, 10:53 PM
I definitely think it's called a crush because that's what it does to you. I'm crushing right now, so help me God, if he breaks my heart, I'm going to stay single for the rest of my life and adopt a child.
Nov 9 2007, 01:02 PM
So....last weekend was me going crazy with the different boy dates. This weekend is me locking myself in my apartment and doing some crazy essay work. Seriously, why do I procrastinate?
But anyway, the super cute blondie I went out with last Friday is in the States so he won't be back until around the 17th. But we've sent a couple of emails back and forth and he's just so damned cute, it drives me crazy! (but in that good way)
brianna, what's so special about the current guy? Surely you wouldn't want to stay single forever just because of one guy.
Nov 10 2007, 10:55 PM
Great googly moogly! You step away for five minutes & all hell breaks loose...
Nov 10 2007, 10:57 PM
**flings self at AP**
omg!!! do my eyes deceive me?!? give me a call playa!!
but really. how are you???
Nov 10 2007, 10:58 PM
OH MY GOD!!!!!
WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN???!!!!!!
SHIT LADY (AND YES I AM TYPING IN ALL CAPS) WE HAVE BEEN WORRIED ABOUT YOU. MANY CONVOS HAVE ENSUED WONDERING AS TO YOUR WHEREABOUTS AND WELFARE!
IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU BACK!!! TELL US WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON!! - OR HELL, JUST STAY AROUND AND LET US ENJOY YOUR PRESENCE!!
Nov 10 2007, 11:06 PM
Dang, yo. I certainly wasn't expecting all that.
I'm okay. I bounced around for months. I lived with HB for a while. Now I'm home taking care of my horribly ill mother. Who knows how long this will last.
I guess my only real crush news is this funny boy that I walked past for MONTHS. He's the doorman at this club that I hate, but walk past frequently. Tall, mixed race, long hair, tatted up completely. Youngish. Not my thing. BUT. He started calling me out. He kept trying to get me to come in & have a drink with him, but I always politely declined. I couldn't get him out of my head. I found a different place to go to so I wouldn't have to see him anymore.
Nov 10 2007, 11:15 PM
AP!!!! I'd hoped that was you lurking around! Check your PM box, it is FULL! We really have been missing you! (((((((aural))))))
*gives AP HUUUUGE vodka tonic* Stick around, feel free to vent with us anytime (esp. if you are caretaking your mom).
Nov 10 2007, 11:22 PM
Interesting . . . I am currently enjoying a greyhound. Bottoms up, dolls.
Nov 11 2007, 08:55 AM
HOLY SHIT, IT'S AP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've missed you!
Nov 11 2007, 10:20 AM
hey AP! good too see you back!
Nov 13 2007, 05:36 PM
AP! Welcome back.
Quick question, why are guys so incredibly inept at calling back? Was there some kind of 3 date limit that I was unaware of? Is it because I said I would be busy (and on my period) this week so he just figures there's no point in calling back? Gah! If someone leaves you a voicemail, you should call them back!
I'm noticing this even amongst male friends. Seriously, I'm starting to think all males, gay or straight, are the same and have some strange aversion to telephones.
Nov 13 2007, 05:52 PM
There are several answers to that very question & 95% of them aren't pretty.
Nov 14 2007, 12:18 AM
Well, I'm thinking I'm just gonna give it till Friday, then after that maybe I'll call.
I just had a bit of an argument with one of my guy friends last week cause I called him, left a voicemail, and he didn't bother to call back. Honestly, I just don't get them.
Nov 14 2007, 12:33 AM
Also I do realize that I might not get the answer I want. But so far this guy has seemed pretty decent and not like an asshole like most other guys. Ugh, that was an awkward sentence. It's nearly 2am and I am just starting a 1500 word essay.
Nov 14 2007, 01:20 AM
AAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPP ISSSSSS BAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!
girl, i keep thinking about you all the time cos i've started hanging out at the smogcutter like EVARY weekend...WE MEECED YOU holy crap we did it's true. welcome back!
QUOTE(candycane_girl @ Nov 13 2007, 10:50 PM)
\It's nearly 2am and I am just starting a 1500 word essay.
motherfuck, i do not miss those days.
candy, i hope either your boys start calling you back, or you start meeting boys who DO call you back. don't waste time with DBAGS yo.
girlcrush found and added me on myspace with no provocation *does crush dance*
Nov 14 2007, 12:54 PM
Guys who don't know how to return calls... ugh!
Mouse, my new crush did the same thing! *Joining in crush dance*
To fill you guys in on ze new crush: he's someone I've known through one of my good friends for years. At the time I first met him he was at a pretty low point - he'd just lost his job and had to move in with my friend, and he was SUPER desperate for a girlfriend. So when he asked my friend to "feel me out" on what I thought about him, I was totally uninterested. Geeky? Perhaps. Geeky AND desperate? No! I was much younger and couldn't really relate to the desperate thing yet (or the losing the job and having to sleep on the couch thing, come to think of it). That was four years ago.
Since then, I hadn't given him another romantic thought until last month. Then as I was driving to his housewarming party, I had an epiphany: oh my god, C is kind of awesome! I should re-evaluate his "potential"! So I did. And he seemed to sense that. He also seemed interested back. But it was all pretty subtle - there wasn't anything I could point out that clearly indicated he was making a move on me. And I wasn't sure how into him I was - I haven't been interested in anyone as geeky as him for years! I've never been able to get anything going with a geeky guy, maybe because I'm only sproadically interested in sci-fi/fantasy stuff. He's also physically unlike what I'm usually interested in.
However, I think the fact that I keep thinking of him weeks later makes it clear that it's time to make a move of some kind. He is a great, smart person who is interested in non-geeky things too (including me, maybe?). Thinking back on the recent past, he's always been interested in what's going on with me and being physically close to me without doing anything overt that would've put me off at the time... I find that so hot.
Ok, /new crush rave.
By the way, I haven't seen/been able to find a way to get in touch with the other crush I've mentioned here a while ago.
Nov 14 2007, 02:55 PM
Flanker, the new crush sounds excellent!
And yay for myspace adds!
Boys who don't return calls do indeed suck...as do boys who don't answer emails. Speaking of which *grumble* I think I'm giving up on PocketBassist. This weekend showed me two things: first, that he's perfectly indifferent to me when on his own turf and surrounded by his usual flock of drooling hot girls, and second, that I think I've developed actual feelings (beyond lust) for the boy, which is just not practical. So yeah.
Nov 14 2007, 03:13 PM
It does sound like PocketBassist needs to go... sorry to hear the bad news.
One other thing that I'm excited about that I forgot to mention before: I beleive new crush is NOT vanilla in bed (but could be when the mood is right)! YES!!
Nov 14 2007, 05:53 PM
That sounds like a great crush flanker!
I've asked a few of my guy friends about the whole not calling back thing and they all say "that's just how we are, get over it!" One of my friends said that it's because guys like to play hard to get too but women take it more personally. Meh, whatever.
Nov 14 2007, 06:05 PM
I hope something actually happens with this crush - my luck hasn't been too good lately.
I agree that guys like to play hard to get too, and they do it by hijacking phone and e-mail communication!
Nov 14 2007, 07:45 PM
candy, if you were the last one to contact said boys, then i wouldn't call them back. make them work. honey, you got your hands full with the essays. remember that.
llamas, yeah, indifference is not cool. you need someone attentive.
flanker, it sounds like you are very excited about this crush. good news!
Nov 14 2007, 08:10 PM
Made contact with the boy on MSN! Apparently he had not listened to his messages. Don't they get curious when they see that they have a message? Ah well, whatever.
Does anyone else ever feel like they completely freak out over nothing?
Nov 14 2007, 08:51 PM
two words: has. girlfriend.
Nov 14 2007, 10:38 PM
... I freak out over 'nothing' all the time... however, as I get older I realize it's one of two things, generally:
1) My own issues that I've identified that I need to work on. as soon as I've identified them and worked on them, I can at least see the freak out for what it is, and deal.
2) It's genuinely my instincts telling me that something is not right. Don't discount listening to your instincts - they tell us a lot. If you're not feeling good with it and it's not triggering some deep issue with you, then there's a really good chance that your instincts are telling you to step back and watch yourself.
Nov 14 2007, 10:50 PM
I agree w/ zoya, 'cause my experience has been the same with freak-outs.
Lemme check... yep, still excited about this crush!
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