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omg, that smile thing gets to me--mouse that happens to me ALL the time.
When my dad died, I became epileptic and my brother went to Iraq, Otoy broke up with me, and my grandmother died. No lie. So I was at work, right? Not smiling. Some customer tells me to smile, and I couldn't, I almost started crying. The customer after him complained about me! I nearly got fired. Laame.

Ap, Zoya--I've been thinking about you two. Hope things are going ok. (((AP))) (((Zoya)))

GB, woot on Brit boy!!!
hey greenbean - guess who might be where you're going to be at the same time you are there... perhaps a pint with you, me and mornington if you're not too tied up...?
Sweeeet! Of course, I may indeed be tied up! tongue.gif
BB just told me I might go to Scotland as well, if we want to make the long drive. I'm so excited to be driven in a car by him! Last time I was in London we only took the tube together, and when he came to visit me in the states I had to drive him around--and I hated it! He such a dominant, he looks so utterly wrong in the passenger seat. I bet he looks so hot driving..gah! (ok, thats a 'I'm feminist BUT..." thing of mine).

So any new crushies, guys?!?
greenbean, i remember your stories..... they were rather awe-inspiring. biggrin.gif

i'm still hung up on poetcrush. he just keeps winning. except when he's not around. lol. then i get really petulant until the next time i see him. he just took the best care of me yesterday when i was moody. it was sortof a nice give and take. smile.gif
GB that is really great about BB!

Glass, I hear what you are saying.

I'm still not crushing on anyone and I'm starting to get a little lonely.
anna k
I'm still not crushing on anyone and I'm starting to get a little lonely.

Me too, Culture. I wrote to some guys who were posting ads in the Casual Encounters section of Craigslist, and when they asked me what I wanted, I said I didn't want penetrative sex since I'm not on BC, and I wanted to watch them masturbate, have them watch me masturbate, do oral, and have light S&M. Neither one responded back. I think they thought I was too weird or frigid, like "Don't fuck me but let me watch you jerk off."

Watching the Human Giant takeover on MTV yesterday reminded me of my brief crush on the comedian Michael Showalter, and how I met him after a show he did in NYC. I said I liked the show, and when he looked right at me all interested I felt very flirty and happy.

I also had that same feeling at another comedy show, where one of the improv comedians standing on the side looked at me when I laughed particularly at something. I just looked back at him and smiled a bit.
SB has gone totally M.I.A. He is ALWAYS online because of his work, and hasn't been visible for over a week. It really seems kind of extreme to me. There's really nothing more I can actively do at this point. I am not going to chase after him. I can't get in touch with him, because that would be akin to chasing at this point. He absolutely KNOWS what I'm about and who I am. He knows I rule, and am completely worth it. So if he wants it, he'll come. but I can't (and won't) make him do anything. The way I see it is - so I spooked him. If he wants me, nothing will stop him. He needs to get his head around things, grow up, and figure it out. But still, I can't figure out why he would go so M.I.A. on me. it really seems pretty extreme. That said, I do miss our dynamic. I really do. So fucking easy and copasetic.

I did find out that I am going to be in Mr HottyMcHottHott's neck of the woods next month, so we're going to hang out. I may be so starved for sex at that point that maybe I'll do something about getting some. He's an ideal one for that, because we've gotten to be good friends, but he's so young that I have absolutely no feelings for him that are more than a friendship (that sometimes possibly includes benefits) And the benefits don't mess anything up, because we're both on the same page. It's been awhile since I've seen him, but we've totally been in touch the whole time, so it will be nice to see him no matter what.

so that's me at the moment.

Zoya, SB will come back around. Probably when you aren't even thinking about him anymore. Yeah for HottyMcHotthott! Hope you get portions!

So I bought my ticket to London. Brit Boy gave me a call yesterday, it was the first time we heard each others voices in 7 months. We had a great conversation, full of laughter and memories. Then he tried to get dirty but I couldnt because I was in a cafe. Torture! Gawd I've missed the way he speaks. and groans...gah! We talked about whats been going on in our love/sex lives, and agreed that we wouldn't sleep with any one until we see each other. So I've got three weeks of celibacy ahead :/ It doesn't sound like that long but its gonna be hard to deny Aussie boy if he comes sniffing around.

And get this, I hung out with Ncrush last night (remember him? major crush but hes seeing someone else...still.) Well, we got rip-roaring drunk and play-wrestled like mad. His girl was not around (she NEVER around, wtf?) but our friend who is also tight with the other girl was making disapproving looks. Uh-oh. Hope she doesnt say anything. Flashes of how freakin obvious our flirting was keep coming back to me today. Like, when we were walking down the street to a party I hopped on him for a piggy-back. And apparently on the way back home, my housemate was driving, Ncrush was in shotgun, and I stretched my leg out so it was in btween them, and Ncrush squeezed my foot. Housemate says it was painfully obvious how much we want to pork. *smacks hand against my forehead* But I cant!!!!!! Aarrrg!!! Why does he flirt back? Doesnt he fear his girl will be hearing about it? And will it ever be possible to hang out with this guy without physically attacking him?!? Hes not even that cute but hes a freakin magnet.
hey greenbean -

that's awesome that you are going to London! I will call you soon - I need your help again and also I wanna hear about the meeting of Aussie boy.

ok gotta run work is demanding my attention.
GB that is really great.

Zoya, SB will come around, like GB said, when you least expect it. There is something about men being ignored that gets them hot and bothered. I don't get it.
ugh fuckin dude totally ruined me. now i'm all obsessed with how i'm coming across and how i can't open up to people and it's bugging me out, and for chrissakes, if someone who liked me on paper doesn't like me in person, how am i going to find ANYONE? i am so not feeling awesome about this at all.
yay, gb!!! that's so exciting!

aw, mouse. hugs to ya, girlie. i know it's easier said than done, but- don't stress it! that was ONE dude. one. things can be hit or miss. sometimes physical chemistry or even interactional chemistry can't be explained. (but if you feel like you need to take action to work on this, i dunno, maybe practice your "resting facial expression" in a mirror to see if you can get it more welcoming?)

zoya, good luck with Mr. McHott!

so, my latest is this: i finally got the guts to *insist* to my ex that us sleeping together and hanging out is NOT healthy for me (or most likely for him either) and that we won't be seeing each other anymore. it was tough! (can i get some high fives in here?) that evening, i went out dancing at the lesbian bar with a friend and danced with a cool chick who got my number, and then my friend also helped me compose an online dating ad. and damn! i've probably gotten 40 responses in 2 days, and it is overwhelming! i decided the courteous thing to do would be to reply to all of them, even those whom i could never see even going on one date with, so that's been... hectic. out of the whole gang, there's maybe 3 who seem like we may get along. one of them is 20 years older than me, and i don't know how i feel about that. anyway, i haven't met any of them yet or even talked on the phone, but i thought i'd update in here in case i kick into crush mode wink.gif
thanks - although there is no real luck involved with Mr HMCHH... it's kinda like cotton candy - light, fluffy, sweet, easy to get if it's around and not something you'd want every day. (or even every week)

The thing about SB is that it's not like I am ignoring him... there is nothing to ignore. I was the last one to try to initiate contact when I thought we'd be crossing paths for a few hours a couple weeks ago. I reminded him that I'd be in town and said I hoped to see him. that's it. left it at that and no response at all. not even an "I'm going to be busy" or "I'm not going to be in town after all" or anything from him. and nothing since. and he'd always gotten back to me before. So it's not like he's checking in on me and I'm ignoring or antyhing...

I know he's been online, I've seen that he's logged in on a couple of sites that we both go onto for work. (but not when I've been on) but he's not been on IM at any time lately, and that is one thing that in our line of work, you're ALWAYS on. Which leads me to believe he's avoiding me. It just infuriates me, it's like - ok, I jumped the gun and got way ahead of the game when I talked to him about us - but shit - it's a total pussy move to make to fucking drop off the face of the earth. This from a guy who told me I could call him any time just to talk or vent when I was really upset about something a few weeks ago.. It's like - as long as *we* are not talked about, everything is ok. but when I try to define something, (even if it was premature) none of that stuff counts? It seemed to me that he is pretty mature, but doing that is just not at all. I'm not down with the disappearing act. A guy dropping off after a date or two maybe, but not with the level of communication and contact we had. sorry, that's fucked. Saying something about needing to have time or not wanting contact or ANYTHING would be better.

Anyway, I'm just pissed off right now. But again, that guy KNOWS I'm a catch. He absolutely does, he's said it himself. So if he fucking wants it, then he needs to fucking grow up and get his head around it. He's certainly not scoring any brownie points with me by pulling the disappearing act though. It's really out of character of what I know of him - or maybe it is in character. Maybe he really is just a fucking pussy. Anyway, just all angry today. This is NOT how I get treated. no fucking way.

((mouse)) - don't let one guy get to you. (uh yeah, after reading the above I'm sure you'll take my advice.... heh) wink.gif

Zoya, yo, SB sounds like he lacks basic manners, consideration, respect, and/or communication skills. Sooooo not cool. I can see why you're angry.
yeah mouse, if you want to go on dates apparently this online shit is the way to do it!!! (and you could always say somewhere in your post: "don't be fooled: i look cool as ice but i'm really warm and fuzzy!" or something, if you're worried about putting them off with your maybe seemingly-detached expression!)
I actually think online dating is starting to be the way to go. I met my beau online and we're doing very well, almost a year-and-a-half later! Just have to get out there and give it a chance. But I know how hard that can be, Mouse. I've also been told that I'm acceptable on paper but not in real life and it sure does suck to hear it.

I have my own question for you ladies (and some gents):

Is it normal to be in a committed relationship and have a slight crush on another person? I would never act on it but I am totally crushing on a guy at work. It's like . . . . I like going to work when he's there. Kinda brightens my day. Totally love the Mister, but you know.

Is that normal?
Arcadia-- I think it's totally normal to window shop... doesn't mean you're looking to buy or replace. Just means you're human and you enjoy his company... and experience a some puppy love. I wouldn't start worrying until you find yourself making a move... or preferring him to your boyfriend, etc.
If I were you, I wouldn't tell my boyfriend I crush on this guy either.
Oh I am definitely not going to tell my boyfriend. No way.
He and Le Crush (hah, that works since Le Crush is French!) are going golfing tomorrow morning and I just had to instruct him how to get to our place to pick him (boyfriend) up and it was nice to talk to him on the phone . . . . I was definitely in swoon mode.

I wouldn't do anything about it anyway, Le Crush is in the process of buying a house with his girlfriend too, so you know. I ain't no homewrecker.

Nice to have a crush again! Even if I can't/won't do anything about it. He does have the nicest eyes, though . . . . laugh.gif
Arcadia, I crushed on this old co-worker... so I think it's normal to window shop. I also meet my beau online, and we're still going strong 9 months later (well, this Portland trip will be a bit of a test... tongue.gif ). Then again, I'm a huge flirt.

I see nothing wrong with it, as long as you don't act on it.

In fact, I need some new crushies! smile.gif Yep, spring fever has hit me again...
Oh I just love that kind of crush-y feeling. I love my boyfriend but we've been together for a while now and it's kind of just comfortable, which is appreciated, but I like that "Oh, I get to talk to him now" kind of feeling.

It's really only a friendly crush, but a crush nonetheless.
Crushes are good for people in relationships... but what sucks is crushing on a guy who is unavailable and/or in a relationship or just not really interested in dating you... perhaps messing around, but not DATING.

That seems to be the root of my problem with them. I had a little "thing" with a guy last summer, and at first I wanted to keep it to just a "thing" or just "hanging out". He had just gotten seperated and I was fresh out of long-term. But I started to really like him... and well. that's that.
I still see him around and we shoot the shit, but I wish he would like LIKE me. He was paying a bill at the bar and sorta squeezed between me and a friend. The smell of him gave me the swoons. that's how close he got. hmmm?
He was a wee bit more talkative with me that night. and he could have chosen not to get that close to me. Deerrn it. I won't read into it. If he was sending me signals... boys gotta ask me out proper.
My trust in people is off anyway right now... I think the only thing these dudes want is good ride. It hurts to feel that. geez.
Arcadia, it seems to me like you can't control your emotions and attractions but only your behaviors. As long as you're not hanging out with Le Crush with an eye to make something happen, I think you're fine!

Shucks, moon. That stinks. Keep holding out for those nice boys who will "ask you out proper" and be interested in you as a person... they're out there! (unless of course you get in the mood for some casual fun, in which case enjoy by all means smile.gif )

update on my online dating adventure: I *still* haven't met any of them. Boy #1, who I was supposed to see last night, got food poisoning (!) and had to reschedule. Guy #2 hasn't written me back since I asked if he was married. Bad sign! In better news, two other cool guys who emailed turn out to be old friends of mine!!! Craziness! I'm going to dinner with one of them tonight! I assume it's gonna be more of a friendly catch-up rather than a date, but who knows-?
QUOTE(_octinoxate @ May 26 2007, 07:29 PM) *
Arcadia, it seems to me like you can't control your emotions and attractions but only your behaviors. As long as you're not hanging out with Le Crush with an eye to make something happen, I think you're fine!

Thanks, octi, that is a really good analogy! I don't think humans can control whom they are attracted to either, and well, we all know our emotions get the better of us! Le Crush is a really nice guy and I would never act on anything with him. He and his girlfriend are in the process of buying a house and I learned over the weekend that he has been married and is either getting a divorce or is divorced now and I wouldn't feel right throwing myself at him when he seems to be on the right track. Plus, I am moving in with my guy and I totally love him; there's no way I would wreck mine or Le Crush's home. I am very committed to my relationship, I've just never really had a crush in one before.

That being said, the dream I had that he kissed me last night was kind of nice! laugh.gif
You know, I think it might be good that you're allowing yourself to just be at peace with crushing on this dude, because otherwise forbidden fruits are the sweetest, and all that jazz... the crush could just get more powerful if you try to suppress it.

On the other hand, for some of us it's easiest and safest to just "nip things in the bud" so to speak and shut down certain emotions from the beginning. Do you find emotion management easy?

Oh, dreams can be such mindfucks! I've been dreaming about both of my exes lately and I just don't like the mindset it puts me in for the rest of the day! I'm very sensitive to dreams.

Update on my "date" with the old friend last night: it was good. We got to catch up, and he's a super sweet guy... so sweet, and so vulnerable, that even though I had a few glimmers of attraction to him when he was putting some shy boy moves on me, I had to shut him down. I don't want to get involved with a super nice guy friend (who seems to have had a thing for me for quite a while) when I know I just want a bit of casual dating fun. Wouldn't be right.

Next "date" with the other friend is tomorrow!
Arcadia, get this, when I was in a serious relationship a few years back I had a wicked crush on a co-worker. I dreamt about him, jilled off to fantasies about him, and eventually started to actually flirt with him. Eventually my relationship ended (for other reasons) and so the flirting with the co-worker got more and more dirty. One day, we just went for it, and f*cked at work. But, it.was.terrible. Terrible! The worst sex I ever had. I couldn't look at him the same way again, and when rumor of what happened got around the workplace, I was mortified. So, keep it a fantasy, and if you ever get really tempted, convince yourself the real thing would suck. wink.gif

Moon, I feel yr pain. Sometimes I think Ncrush would be perfect for me, but alas, he is taken. I love his smell too.

octi, how'd the catch-up go? **Edit: seems we posted at the same time,..

Ok, me. I have another crush to add to the list. I'll call him Indiana, cuz thats where he's from. Last week I met at a bar, took him home, f*cked him, and thought I would never hear from him again. Oh, and I gave him some of my writings to look at since he's a writer. Well, he calls yesterday and says he loved my stories, and wants to meet up to discuss making a short film with me. This is LA, so I take that talk as total bs, but figured I wouldn't mind the company. He picked me up, and I noticed how truely adorable he is. Hes very fumbly with his speech, and dresses and talks a lot like Seth Cohen/Adam Brody, but in big thick glasses, and a hulkier body. We went to this Korean lounge I like to go to for the kitsch factor, and he joked about the terrible music (ultra-syrupy contemporary korean ballads)...and I said "yeah, I called ahead of time, told them I was bringing someone special". He busted up and said, "You are just the nicest thing I have ever seen." I squished my nose, "Thats a wierd phrase. Don't you mean 'nicest person I have ever met'? or 'prettiest thing I've ever seen'?" He says, "I mean the way you react and gesture and your shy delivery of goofy jokes, just looks...nice." "Um, ok, I'll take that I guess".

We go on to talk about my stories and what we might wanna do with them. He asked me a lot of questions, with genuine interest, and I giggled a lot because I felt on the spot. But all in all it was a fantastic date. As we went back to his car, he turned to me and kissed me, in one of those soft, hair-touching, ultra sweet kisses. Then he says, "will you go to the prom with me?" I laughed, and said, "Look, I gotta tell ya, I didnt expect this. I thought the other night was a one time thing,...but now I feel like we are involved in something, and its the end of the night you may be expecting me to invite you over, but I can't"...I told him about Brit Boy and how we promised each other not to sleep with other people in the lead up to our vacation, and how I was not being loyal to that. Indiana protested that BB might very well be with another girl right at that moment. I said it didnt matter, that *I* am a bad liar, I wouldn't be able to honestly tell BB I was true to my word (and if he hasnt been either I *hope* that he would lie, cuz I cant take the jealousy!) and ontop of that I cant get into something w/ Indiana just to say after in eleven days time, 'okay, gonna get porked by a dirty Englishman for two weeks straight, see ya when I get back!' I mean, that would make me an asshole right? (I know, you guys might be thinking that I shouldn't have even told Indiana about BB, but like I said, i'm a terrible liar).

So, Indiana keeps arguing that I should have him over anyway, I shouldn't be worried about his or BB's feelings. I said he doesn't understand, that this is about *my* feelings, and *I* can't be torn between two guys like this--it makes me crazy. Then I said if he really wants to stay over he can, but I WILL NOT have sex with him. He eagerly responded "OK!" So I let him over, changed into full-body pjs in the bathroom, and we went to bed. He kept his clothes on. This is all pretty funny cuz we have already gotten carnal..but emotions change things for me and I honestly wasn't feeling horny, it was nice to backtrack and sorta start over. We had a few more sweet kisses, then I turned my back and he wrapped his arms around me. The last thing I heard as I drifted off to sleep was him whispering in my ear, "This is totally worth it."

Sorry for the long post. I thought in writing the whole story I would come up with what to do next but I'm still confused as hell right now! If anything I guess I know now how to make a crush really like you--deny them sex cuz you've got someone in London waiting for you! tongue.gif
I sometimes find emotion management easy. When it comes to relationships/men, yes. When it comes to divorced and still disputing parents, no! laugh.gif I don't know, I think it's a good thing too. I know nothing is ever going to come out if it and it's not like normal crushes I have when not in a relationship when I just think about that person constantly and imagine him "liking me back" and all that. I just like to look and talk to him and I'm okay with that. I used to have a lot of good male friends as well, so maybe that is what this is turning into and in the future I would tell him "You know when I first met you I had SUCH a crush!" and we will laugh, etc. Haha!

And oh yes, the dream. It was excellent, sitting on his lap, I could almost feel that kiss in real life. Funny thing is Mr. Arc was in the dream as well, watching. Maybe culturehandy's forays and posts into the land of menage a trois has been getting to me wink.gif !


That would be so horrible! Oh to have such a crush like that and then have it fizzle into bad sex? Ugh. I can't imagine anything worse. Although I have been in a similar scenario before myself. I was dating this one guy and when we made out it was so hot but then when it came down to the deed it was just awful. Awful!

Annnnd! Indiana sounds like a very sweet crush, but British men are amazing. I did a semester in England for school and I had *such* a crush on a British man. Damn, I miss looking at him!
damn, gb, where the hell are you finding these boys? they're sure as fuck not hanging out in my neck of the woods.

gb, you and brit boy are just scheduled to have a hot two weeks and then it's done, right? at least until the next foray in the unforeseeable future? if so, why not just tell indiana to basically get back to you in a month and start over when you don't have this commitment/ event on the horizon? he sounds like a real catch.

(thanks for asking about my catch up, btw smile.gif )

OT- gb, can *I* read one of your stories, too?

another online dating adventures update smile.gif i responded to another ad, posted by someone i really feel i'll get along with. he's not bad looking, either! expecting a call from him today. fingers crossed that we'll click!

one of the cool things about online dating is that it's helping me practice relationship behaviors that i'm not so good at IRL, like setting boundaries, being direct, and rejecting someone. (usually i err too much on the side of niceness, which tends to make me wishy-washy, beat around the bush, shelter people from the truth, and so on.) i think the online practice is part of the reason i was able to be so honest and direct with my friend the other night. cool.

oh! i also finally got a call last night from the chick i met at the lesbian bar!! i wasn't home so it was a voicemail, and i'll be calling her back today... hm... this is a first!!

no news from other crushies?
Oooo... sorry i've been outta of the loop. Quite the crazy weekend.

But at least I received some helpful confirmations from two men that I was/am perfectly capable of snagging a great deserving guy one day. It has been hard believing that b/c of my off-the-rocker ex, who is basically a shell of the person he once was... from having moved to a big city and becoming enmeshed in music that increased or enhanced his character flaws to the point of shame. I see him for what he really is. And I'm glad he did me the favor of being a doo-doo dirtbag, cause I'm able to finally get used to TRULY not having him to fall back on, even emotionally or sexually, or whatever.

And after finally being okay with being single for the first time in a friggin' year.... along comes a guy that I really get along with, who is capable of intimacy and honesty for the most part, makes me feel beautiful and smart and etc.
Who really seems to LIKE me as a person and well, likes me hot butt too. haha! We hung out the night before and went there. And it was fucking great! Then he cuddled with me til dawn. And even though I looked mighty rough the next morning, he kept telling me how gorgeous I looked. We then hung out all day practically naked and ordered pizza. ahhh. He didn't want me to leave him.

But... bah bah bahhhhhh... his divorce is not final and he has a kid involved. DAMN IT!
In this small dang town, our "thing" wouldn't go over very well even though he said she wouldn't make a stink of it.
Plus I voiced my need to be single and okay with it, my focus on career, and my fear that I have been making a habit of choosing unavailable men. duh. But he does really like me, he made no mention of wanting this thing to be casual and whatever considering his predicament. And because of my trust issues, I worry that he's just feeding me the softie, seems so real, stuff... the pillow talk is just great! Or my fear is that he was just trying to get his rocks off and knows how to seem endearing. ugh.
Sigh. I explained it's all about timing and I think we're off. I hope he didn't think I was just being a player.

We went for coffee on the way back to my place and... boom. We couldn't go inside cause his soon-to-be ex wife's friend was in there. He was outta that parking lot in two seconds... then we felt like we had to drop me off at the corner of my street so my roomie didn't see us together. How fucking high school sneaky silly is that!?!

THUS...We both knew it wasn't a good idea to go further until the timing was better. I feel guilty for even having agreed to hang out with him in the first place because of the drama. He hates it that the divorce stands in his way... but after I saw his reaction at the coffee shop... He's not okay yet either.

What a soap opera! Scandalous! Sorry so long, but that's my news.
I even have another guy who likes (crushes on) me, but is engaged! What the hell!?! And another one who is dating a girl who is getting out of a marriage with that one guy I spoke of last week... he likes me! AHHHHH!!!! the incest of it all!

SOrry sO loNG!
hello all - good long weekend for me. spent most of it with the VA guy - i totally popped his cherry biggrin.gif - he's out of town now until next weekend. some other guys are sniffing around, but no one i really want to mess with. (unfortunately, one guy is a friend,so i have to tread carefully).
Okay so i am very new (obviously) but everyone has to start somewhere right? Anyway. I am in need of advice! The previous weekend I hooked up with my best friend of 4 years! We have always had a thing for eachother but now the thing is, that he told me he always imagined us together but now that something happened he doesn't know!? He also said he would be fine with us being friends with benefits. I have no idea how to feel or what to do? Should I go for it or not? (I am also recently single)
Arrie, the first thing I would ask is how was the hook-up? Did it knock your socks off or was it wierd?

P176, you femme fatale, you!

Moon, what gives with all the taken dudes?! Although it sounds like things can work with the to-be-divorced dude, if you two take it slow.

Octi, good luck with the prospects! (psst...and if you really want my stories you can pm me)

Mouse, err, I seem to have better luck in Hollywood than I do on the eastide. Those Silverlake boys are too hung up on being able to claim the newest sound or fashion, and are really hard to talk to. With them I'm just one arty girl amongst a sea of arty girls. Of course Hollywood is full of d-bags, but in a way it makes things easier because I not as intimidated when I'm in a crowd of people that I really don't care to impress...and low and behold someone interesting in that crowd is gonna take notice.
i just cut my ex boyfriend out of my life, for the second time. let's hope it works this time.

i replied to another ad, guy seemed interested until he saw my pic and then said "you're not my type". i posted an ad, and the same guy replied to it. apparently he likes me on paper but nowhere else. story of my life eh? i've gotten a million replies but none of them are even remotely like someone i would be interested in. people reply using numbers as letters or just giving one line replies and expect that to be acceptable? i'm so FUCKING fed up with this dating shit and i'm heartbroken at having to let go of my ex. he's been one of the most important people in my life, dating or not, for the past two years and it's going to suck to not have him around but there's no other way for me to get over him.

i just want to meet a decent guy who thinks i'm attractive. is that really too much to ask, for fuck's sake?
Bean-- I KNOW!!!! What the SAM HELL!?! I feel like I need to wear garlic around my throat or at least a sign that says "If you are attached or recently divorced or soon-to-be-married, STAY THE F%$K AWAY!"

It's actually kinda embarrassing because it makes me wonder what vibes I'm putting out there or whatever. Like I'd be the perfect rebound girl or last hoorah girl... makes me feel really weirded out and even more distrustful of men right now.

Don't think I need anymore confirmation right now that I am doing the best possible thing I could do for myself..... remaining single until the right one pops out.

At least I'm learning what the red lights are now. How to SIFT is acquired skill and I'm glad I'm finally honing it. I don't want to suffer another dirtbag....

But as for the guy that's soon to be divorced, perhaps maybe.... just not right now and with no sexual relationship. I'll just browse around on the online thing for awhile.

(that's really bizarre, because you're very cute! i remember seeing your pic in say cheese, i think... you're a good looking gal!)
mouse remember when i said i posted an ad? i got a response from the lead singer of a seminal pop-punk band. he's old enough to be my dad, but he's not bad looking and maybe this is one of those things that's worth it just to have the story?
whoa! which band? spill the beans smile.gif
(sorry to double-post-- haha, which i just realized could be abbreviated as "DP" and thus share a very amusing and dirty acronym!!)

okay, update:

1. one of my top 2 craigslist guys just emailed me apologizing for disappearing last weekend when we had loosely arranged to go out... and told me that in the past five days i've been out of town he has started seeing someone else!! BOO! However, he still thinks i'm tres cool and wants to be friends with me, so we're going out anyway later this week. so that's cool, 'cause honestly in my book a good friend-date is just as great as a good date-date. (but really-- how serious could something be with this other chick if it's only been five days? i'm wondering- is he still perhaps open to dating me, if we end up clicking like that?)
2. the other of the top 2 craigslist guys never emailed me back after i said i wanted nothing to do with him if he's married. BOO again.
3. another c.l. guy came to my house to hang out last week, and we hit it off fairly well (not great) but had really strong physical chemistry (though all we did was kiss). we've been talking and texting while i've been out of town and we'll meet up again soon... hm, deciding if/when to sleep with him.
4. just got a phone call from a guy i was getting to know back when i was borderline single/coupled. we had a good date and a kiss back then, but didn't take it further because i decided to make the other fellow my official boyfriend instead. now that i'm fancy free... we'll see!

but honestly? sometimes i want nothing to do with any of this, at all. dating can be super fun, but it can also be super complicated. and i haven't really been just plain single/ not dating for like a year and a half now (except for very brief spells in between boyfriends). i'm somewhat uncomfortable with that, and think maybe i need time alone to regroup and recenter myself, and thus be in a better place to date when i do happen to come across a neat man... like moonpie said. ya know?

(and then i want to get laid and all the above stuff about singledom goes out the window! smile.gif )

mouse, how is it going without the ex?
Thats rad Mouse,..I say go for it!

Octi, I think its was cool of first c.l guy to tell you that he is seeing someone else, and it probably isnt serious, he probably just wants everything out there. Thats how I am anyway.

I agree that taking time to be alone and recenter is good for people,..but I also think dating a lot of people is a good way to get to know yourself. Sometimes when I'm on a date I feel like I'm falling in love with myself, rather than the dude! Ok, that sounded narcissistic but I don't mean it to, I just mean that on dates someone is trying to get to know you and you may end up focusing on yourself more than you would when you are alone...does that make sense? I guess it helps if the dude asks lots of interesting questions. On my first date with Indiana he asked me very original and specific questions about was pretty cool. I teased him that I think he is just using me as a character study for his next script tongue.gif

Speaking of Indiana, we had another fantastic time yesterday. It was our first daylight date, and coincidently we both wore white, which I thought was cute, especially because neither of us are very preppy looking. His eyes looked amazing in the sun, sparkly blue, and with his unique facial stucture he reminded me a bit of Cillian Murphy. We went on a open gallery walk in the art district and every so often he put his arm around my waist to guide me around the crowd..and a few times he would stop me and kiss me. I happen to love PDA, and got a smug satisfaction in being sickingly cute infront of a bunch of strangers on a busy sidewalk. *sigh* Yes, Indiana is quite smitten with me, and I am liking it....

.....although I am completely excited to see BB in 5 days.(ohmy.gif !) I haven't told BB about Indiana, because it would really spoil the mood...but it is so hard to keep it in, as I HATE being dishonest,..but in this case I have to.

I had a dream the other night that BB was seeing a girl who was much younger than me, and I watched omnisciently as he f*cked made me sad and jealous but it also turned me on. Weird.
Greenbean -

I too, hate being dishonest, but I don't think you're necessarily being dishonest by not telling him about Indiana... granted, you said you wouldn't have sex with anyone else and you did, but unless he asks you outright and you deny it, you're not being dishonest. And anyway, it's pretty early in the game with either one of them to divulge everything (this from the queen of divulging way too much about myself way too early to guys.....) When I first met exboy (my bf of 6 years who I broke up with in 2004) I got together with someone else within the first 6 months of us going out. But for almost that whole first year, it was a just "play it by ear" thing with exboy, and I had no idea if we were mutually exclusive. We never talked about it until like the second year. I never did tell him, even during our relationship, about it, because it honestly didn't have any bearing on our relationship - and he never asked or knew. I just figured why stir up shit that was in the past when it didn't have any bearing anyway.

I love cute PDA also! I especially have this thing about being smittenly kissed on subway trains while going somewhere, just in the middle of conversation. OK, well truth be told, I'm particularly partial to the London Tube, because there are always so many couples on it being all couply - it seems like more than any other city (that I've been to, anyway) so I love getting to be that couple!! I know that's a weird one, but it's true! I also love it when I'm somewhere exactly like you, GB, in a gallery or especially an art museum and we're walking around looking at the art and he just gives me little adoring kisses now and then. I love that. Not into over the top PDA, but I love holding hands and little kisses.

I like taking a guy buy the arm when we're walking, too. It's kind of old fashioned, but I have not met a guy yet who doesn't like it. I have to be really clicking with someone to do that, though. Although I have a couple of close male friends I'll do it with while we're walking sometimes and they think its funny but they dig it. To the point that when I DON'T do it, they're like "hey! Where's the arm??!!!" haha

good on you for Indiana, BTW, having someone be smitten with you is awesome! Just dont' get too ahead of yourself or the situation... take it from me wink.gif Let the boy be smitten for awhile...!!!
octi--if you wanna know, pm me. but i'm not going for it after all. i just don't feel comfortable. the other dudes who replied to me, who i replied to, haven't written back (i only got one reply after writing back, and then i wrote back again asking what he was doing this weekend and i haven't heard from him) and i'm pulling out of this whole internet dating thing. i think perhaps subconsciously i just wanted proof that my ex was a fluke, that craigslist isn't as easy as "press a button, get a boyfriend". i think i'm going to stop actively looking and just see if anything finds me. if it doesn't, whatever, i've been single for years on end before and it didn't kill me. and honestly, i'd far rather be single than be with someone i'm not absolutely crazy about.

i also spoke with my ex; we'd left it on pretty bad terms when i decided i couldn't be in contact with him and i wanted to clear things up. i'm still not going to be in touch with him but i wanted to leave it on better terms. i think he's bummed but he also knows it's gotta happen. ultimately i just hate what i become in reaction to him--this jealous, overemotional, crazy bitch that's every stereotype i've ever hated about girls and everything i DON'T want to be--and i need to get past that and it's not gonna happen if we're hanging around each other. i plan absolutely to be friends with him in the future but we never really had any "end" to our relationship--we "broke up" because i moved to france for two months but immediately started sleeping together again as soon as i got back and continued on and off for the past two years--and that really needs to happen to push us both to get over it.

anyway, it's good to see that other people's crushes are going well. good luck to you all. oh and gb, have you had sex with indiana since, or was it just the time before you told bb you wouldn't? if that's the case, i don't think you have anything you're being dishonest about. i have the same issue with my conscience--it wants me to assuage my guilt by telling everything all the time--and it's hard to realize that sometimes not only is that not necessary, but it's also often detrimental, not just to you but to the other people involved. so, don't worry about it. i hope you have fun in england! i'm sure you will.
i don't have a lot of time here but i have to get this off my chest before work or else i'm going to explode.

my mother and the poetcrush i'm seeing are both really intense creative types. i am a less intense creative type who doesn't like conflict. my mom is a christian and poetcrush is decidedly not. they met each other today, we all went to the art gallery together. i was on edge the WHOLE FREAKING TIME because i was worried they would clash. He brought up masturbation in a joke, anal fissures in a poem, and made a lot of perceptive comments about the gallery. My mom was making subtle christian slants for the completely un-christian Huang Yong Ping (sic) artwork and making strange (normal for her) jokes. They both told me (in stolen moments) they like the other. But I am just ready to crawl into a hole. I'm actually glad to be going to work.

More of this later- he's invited us to a poetry slam. I'm not sure if my mom will love it or be offended. I can never tell with her. (She did laugh at the masturbation joke. It was hilarious. I don't know if she was being polite.)

*shakes head* and yesterday she insisted on tagging along to the goth bar with me, than claimed afterwards it gave her bad vibes.
glass, my only advice is to stop worrying...i know, i know, coming from me that is hard to take seriously. but if they said they like each other, then that can mean either of two things: either they really do like each other, or they're going to pretend to like each other because of how much they both care about you. both of which things are good. if your mom gets offended by the poetry slam, well, it's her own fault for going along. i'm sure she's a smart enough lady to not expect all flowers and roses from a boy who jokes about masturbation and anal fissures the first time he meets someone tongue.gif

whatever happens, it's obvious they both like YOU so there probably is nothing to worry about smile.gif

as for me.....i could use some of my own advice, i think. i know i said i was giving up but now the boy who wrote back (oh, lawd, that sounds so harry potter esque. the boy who lived! the boy who wrote back!) has written back again and seems to want to take me out tomorrow night. i think he's attractive in his photo and he has very good taste in literature but i'm not getting a "species recognition" vibe from his emailing and that's making me really nervous...i think he might expect me to be something i'm not. he's also doing things like opening his emails "hey beauty!" which, while flattering as all get out, is also making me very nervous and like i'm going to disappoint him. i am a big nerd, i am sloppy, i'm shy, i'm not very good at being a "sexy girl" or promoting myself much. i have a feeling he is expecting someone who is used to being called "beauty" and reacts accordingly. my normal reaction to that kind of thing is to chortle in fear and either assume that the person doing the calling is either making fun or me or about to assault me.

i'm really worried that a: he's going to be disappointed and is expecting someone totally different, and b: if he is not disappointed, i am not going to be able to be cool around him. i am not used to boys hitting on me and whenever they do it's someone i'm not interested in, so my default is to kind of try to deflect it.

in short, i am terrified. any advice?
Hee! Zoya! I get to be couply on the London Tube! BB doesn't have a car but wants to meet me at the airport so we are going to have to behave ourselves on the long tube ride from Heathrow to London its gonna be awesome!

And no, I haven't slept with Indiana since the first time, and he has been amazingly cool about it. I quite surprised he hasn't told me to f*ck off for keeping him as a sidedish...but he doesn't seem pathetic for not either. I swear, this is how to get a guy to like you.

Glassk, thats awesome! What a riot it must be to have those two in your life!

Mouse, tell the new date that you have a boyfriend in London tongue.gif No but seriously, as cliche as it is BE YOURSELF! I'm a huge nerd on first dates,..I mumble, I fidget and I tell dumb jokes. With some guys its a disaster but some think its adorable,..and those are the guys you want anyway. I used to fool around with a guy that thought I was so fun and funny, but he said he didn't want a girlfriend. Then he started dating a girl who was totally blah, but very "together" you know? Refined and polished. It broke my heart and I thought that I must be too dorky too be deemed "girlfriend material". But you know what? Fuck that.

So, what I'm saying is don't try and be someone yr not. And I'm not even sure there is a specific reaction this dude is expecting when he calls you beauty, but don't respond in self-deprication!! Thats a big no-no. As far as being sexy, just relax..and try to promote yourself a little. I know its hard cuz you are probably modest about your work, but try and talk about yourself like you would a friend or someone you respect. If you say you suck then he's gonna believe you.
mouse, my only advice is:


Jeez louise, that's the main point of dating, right? smile.gif Worst case scenario, you two aren't exactly on the same page and have sort of a lame evening. Fine, right? (And hey, a girl can get used to being called "beauty"!) Besides, there are definitely people who find shy/nerdy charming- don't sell yourself short.

I think sometimes we get too caught up in worrying if the other person is liking us and forget to think about if WE are liking THEM. Ya know?

Have a blast, chica!
hey mouse...I've kinda been listening. O started calling me things like that immediately and doing things for me no one else had ever done. It terrified me too. Try not to think of yourself as unbeautiful or anticipate what he wants. Just take it as it comes. =)
I do know what you mean by species recognition though wink.gif
Ooooh Mouse- you know, because I know exactly how terrified you must feel, I think it's easiest to understand your advice. And I have to agree- don't sell yourself short.

I got home from work and found out my mom had randomly bumped into poetcrush in the mall about 45 minutes after we all split up and they ended up hanging out all day until said poetry slam, and shopping and he dyed her hair and now I'm just wierded out, but sighing in relief as well as desperately craving a fucking cigarette (and sitting across the table from this uberhot poet when we haven't been able to bang in a week and listening to poems to incite the senses, is torture enough. then there's my mom beside me!) . It's been a day I never would have expected.

And Mouse, I hope the same goes for you. I think we are in the same boat with entirely different situations, if that makes sense.

Opheliathemuse- Thank you for your comment, too. I like hearing about how your guy is good, because it is so easy to find ones that we don't mesh with.

Now that my day is over, I can finally breathe. Wow.
Wait. what's wrong with being a nerd? From my vantage point, that's one of the most important things. Be it the book-mongering, art lover to the video game playing, star wars reciting, it is sacred in my circles... damn near magical. So, it's far less about you being "this or that" and much much more about how many "this or that's" you both dig together, right? When I think on my first date with Ophelia (and how I was instantly immersed in twitterpation) I think on her shy smiles and dart-away glances... or the stutter in her voice... and the shared surprise that we like the same geeky things. (and just ask her what a complete bumbling idjut I was.... she didn't seem to mind)

Trying to calibrate to the other person's liking is miserably stressful, then worse once you realized that he's not really caibrated to yours. Once the sense of validation is hunted down you're left with someone who is far too uptight or way uncool for you.

Be yourself is as true as it is corny, I guess.

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