Mar 6 2007, 07:45 PM
Ok I wasn't going to post about this because I knew all of you (esp AP!!
) will be telling me I TOLD YOU SO!!
Last night after Frenchcrush and I had recorded yet another of my songs and made love,had sex,whatever...
And after he had read Baudelaire to me in french and then english in bed,I told him that he would break my heart.
Then I asked him how he felt about me.
"I don't feel it" and
"I don't see this as long term".
Then when I was leaving he told me not to fall in love with him.I said I already had.
I'm human after all............
Mar 6 2007, 08:05 PM
Oh shoot, data!
I'm sorry. I don't think anyone here is gonna rub it in your face though. It happens to all of us. Sometimes often.
Stargazer, I KNOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!
But listening to Morrissey all day is one of the perks of being crushed out! The boy has no idea tho,..I'm playing it way cool I promise.
Mar 6 2007, 08:43 PM
Hey, I said all I had to say: Je concède la défaite. I see no need to gloat.
Hope you're doing well with the Dcrush, GB. I agree with everybody else, the guy's been burned, so he's still a little bruised. Give him time & don't over think it! If he didn't dig you, you wouldn't be roll with him & his friends.
Glad to hear you've a new crush Edie!
Good luck, p_176. Have fun!
Roll with it, Culturehandy! You never know! I thought the HB was gonna burn hot like a regular crush & then just fade away. No dice. We're coming up on nine months & yes, Satan did email me pics of he & his minions ice skating. If it can happen for me, it can happen for you, too! Take your own sweet time!
(((((Stargzer))))) I'll see if I can't shout you a holla this week to see how you're doing...
Mar 6 2007, 10:13 PM
hey all -
data - i'm sure he felt something, since he was reciting poetry in french and english. unfortunately, he's a child and can't admit it, or develop it into something more:0(
AP - i am hoping (?) that something comes of this.
but let's get past dinner first.
another crush - indian guy i met online (another one) several months ago, we're going out this coming sunday in NY, where i'll be for a conference next week.
i got a ticket to see Avenue Q!!!!! am totally taking myself out for the night - broadway show, dinner afterward:0)
here's to self celebrating by taking oneself out, with no expectation of meeting someone:0)
Mar 7 2007, 01:00 AM
data- I'm sorry, it does sound like this tiger is not gonna change his stripes.
Culture - that sounds awesome
greenbean - arrrghhh. guys. but it does sound like you're playing it cool, and doing your own thing in the meanwhile, so that's good.
Talked to SB last night - we texted a little during the day and he called me last night. We were playing a bit of phone tag, and then when he finally got me, I was at the bar with friends had just finished a big vodka tonic. God. I was just splooging verbal muck during the call until I stopped myself and was like "enough about me, how about you? what are you up to? and tried to derail the imminent zoya trainwreck. It was sort of the reverse drunk dial -only I was just highly buzzed when he called. Just buzzed enough to be all "wheee!" on the phone. ugh. UGH!! ARGGHHH!!!! I am going to see him tonight, pretty briefly, then we're gonna hang out tomorrow. I think I'm gonna have to tell him I was drunk on the phone (as if he probably couldn't tell....) oh god, I want the ground to open up... oh well, what can I do.... ha ha
Mar 7 2007, 07:51 AM
Thanks AP, I'm not feeling like a basketcase like I was yesterday. Yesterday I was all paranoid, but not so much anymore. All is well.
Zoya don't worry about it! I've been happy, shall we say, when talking to crushies before. I remember some of the messages I've left while highly intoxicated! Nice CH NICE!
Mar 7 2007, 12:08 PM
so....possibly a deeper question.....i've been pondering it lately.....esp in light of all the crappy crushes that did not work out.....what would be your motivation for developing a longterm relationship with someone? what sort of things would you be willing to compromise on (or not)?
not looking for specific responses, but some food for thought...
Mar 7 2007, 12:33 PM
I suppose it depends on what exactly is being compromised. When it comes to sex, if a man isn't into anal sex or oral sex. BYE!
Then there are some things that I could care less about.
If it feels right go for it. That's all I can say about long term relationships. With that said, this doesn't mean that when I meet someone I am thinking, "gee I wonder if this will be long term". I just take things as they come. Everything with a grain of salt now!
Mar 7 2007, 01:44 PM
for me - I'm not willing to compromise my sanity & my personal happiness. As someone who's come out of a couple of serious relationships in the past with addicts and alcoholics, I've had to do some serious re-learning of my worth and find how to be truly happy. Myself. And that no one else can do that for me. Or maybe I should say, I can't expect someone else to do that for me. And for me, expecting someone to do that for me, whether it be by getting clean, or sober, or having a certain job, or being something I want them to be but they're not, etc.. way compromises my sanity and gets in the way of me truly being happy. I'm starting to believe that only when we can truly be happy can we truly allow others in on an equal basis.
....Just me, but I think those are my basic lines.
Mar 7 2007, 03:09 PM
i don't know how to measure it per se, but i have a hard time finding someone who actually cares about my wants or needs. this one guy i know, we dated briefly but it turned into a friendship (albeit superficial), but sometimes talking to him is like getting sucked into a pissing contest, for example, i was talking about how excited i was to go to ny for this conference and to see a show, and instead of saying something relatively noncommittal like, glad you'll have fun, all he had to respond with was how much he disliked new york. like, who cares? we're not always talking about you!
Mar 7 2007, 06:11 PM
ok, (sort of) off topic, but kinda on topic...
saw SB earlier. he had to do some stuff, but we're gonna hang out later.
Mar 7 2007, 08:51 PM
zoya, i wouldn't sweat the whole drunk convo. nothing wrong with being excited.
culture, i think it is perfectly normal to be completely freaked out when you meet a man who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. and i know AP could speak here on that note *cough* HB *cough*
p_176, that's a red flag of a narcissist. someone who talks about themselves without getting to know you. yeah. don't waste your time. the man should be wooing you because you are hot stuff. don't lower your worth. seriously. i want someone with similar values as mine. allows me to be my own woman. pretty simple. the more you know about yourself then the harder it gets to put up with bullshit. really.
data, i hope you are doing ok.
Mar 8 2007, 08:14 AM
zoya, I hope I am reading between the lines correctly! Glad to hear that everyting is going well with sb.
I agree with what star said about self centred men. Pricks.
data, how are you doing today?
Mar 8 2007, 08:31 PM
oh lord. portions. lots of portions. loads of portions.
and dirty talk.
good god, dirty talk in a scots brogue is fucking amazing.
and I had a really fun time hanging out.
I have so much fun with him talking and joking around.
I said something at one point about not feeling comfortable that I was talking so much about myself. He just said "well, I'm asking, and If I get sick of hearing about you, I"ll just tell you to shut up." so awesome.
He left tonight, it was a little..hmm... I couldn't read it. He just kind of pulled back and bailed without saying much about when we see each other next, or really anything. I got really kind of sad and weirded out about that right after he left. But I'm just gonna let it lie. Give it some space. I think it will be ok..... (I hope)
oh man, how many parts can I cross? I am so fucking smitten.
Mar 8 2007, 09:31 PM
I feel I know a little about what you are going through!! Crushie vibes 100% to you!! Very exciting!!
Ok. so Frenchcrush sent me the last of my songs as an mp3.I've put it (and the others) onto myspace music.
He said that he hopes I'm doing ok.I really wish that he'd give me a reason to hate him!!
Boudelaire in french...in bed.....After probably the most passionate portions I've ever had.
I'm sure I'll never have a more romantic moment again.I remember my head on his chest and his hairs moving up and down with each breath..................
Oh God..... I'm glad I told him that I had fallen in love wih him.At least one of us is capable of love.
I miss him!! I adore him!!
I haven't cried,or got dunk yet either so I guess in the scheme of things I'm doing ok.
Mar 8 2007, 10:51 PM
Shut up, zoya! i hate you!
Does he have any Scottish friends in LA?
Soooo, I've gotten myself into big trouble...perhaps. So who wants to read a novel?
So last night Dcrush called, saying he was at a bar with his buddies down the street. About an hour after the call I headed down there and he was in a booth chatting up two (rather young-looking) girls, and hardly brought his head up long enough to give me a quick nod. Um, yeah. Swell. Actually, I wasn't all that jealous, it was kind of a relief really, cuz I think I'm done with this little crush. Fun while it lasted, but seriously, I'm starting to feel too good for him.
Enter Ncrush. Now, heres where I get into trouble, but first I've got to give background: Ncrush is friends with Dcrush (met them round the same time), and he is casually dating a girl who I think is pretty cool. I've crushed on him moderatly for the last couple weeks, but havent mentioned him cuz I was trying to surpress it given the circumstances. Well, 2 weeks ago I had a really cool time with him. The rest of the group was feeling lazy and wanted to stay in (and the girl he is dating always stays in) so we decided to go to a party together. The party was lame, we grabbed a bottle of wine off the table and sat on the sofa, making fun of LA hipsters. Anyway, he took me home, told me he likes hanging out with me, and that was that. I woke up that night having the most INSANE wet dream about him, it was crazy.
Fast forward to the bar last night. He was there, and obviously not interested in the bubbly tarts that Dcrush was taken with. Ncrush asked to buy me a drink, I accepted and we hung at the bar. We talked. Good talk. Not just jokey banter that Dcrush only seems capable of. Often during our convo Ncrush would be looking in my eyes and giving me a wicked, wicked grin. I'm thinking,..'Crappity crap, wanna. kiss. this. boy.but.can't.'....
Time passes, Dcrush and his other pals want to leave. Ncrush says he wants to stay, asks me if I'm gonna stay, I say 'sure'. Dcrush seems unfazed and leaves. Ncrush and I cozy up in a booth, and keep talking. Popcorn is on the table, and he starts flicking it at me. I warn him. He keeps doing it. Wrassling and giggling insues...then, sorry, cant help myself...we start kissing. Mad kissing. Like we both knew it was bound to happen and it was just a matter of when. I ask him if we should stop, he says no. Then he says I'm beautiful and he cant understand what Dcrush's problem is. Evidently, this boy knows what i need right now, and he may be taking advantage but damn, it feels awesome. During all the macking I'm going back and forth between feeling insanely horny and thinking what kinda messed up sitch am I getting myself into here?!? AAaargg!
We eventually stopped and went our seperate ways. Hes gonna be gone for a week, and I say "Can't wait for the awkwardness ahead!" He says "Dont worry, it wont be awkward"....I'm not sure why hes so certain. He may mean that the girl hes dating is totally cool with him seeing other people...OR that this is just a one time thing he'll promptly forget about. Either way, my head is spinning.
Mar 8 2007, 11:44 PM
Zoya is smitten Zoya is smitten Zoya is smitten! Nothing quite like dirty talk with a brogue. My first Scot, it took me a few minutes to figure out just what he was saying, but once I got it, I got it *good*!
Have fun GB! If Dcrush needs to fall to the side, do let him. Ncrush does surely sound exciting! Maybe he's just "seeing" the other girl, not "dating" her. According to my gays, there are four levels to things. "Seeing" means you are open to see as many people as you like. "Dating" means you are exclusively dating only that person, but you've not headed into full blow relationship status. It gets kinds foggy after that because that's when the martinis kicked in & I got bored.
I got hit on by a hippie in a Brooks Brothers suit. He kept telling me how great my "energy" was & how beautiful my lips were & how much he'd like to kiss me. I caught a ride home with M. Mistake! I get into his ride & he's blasting the Barry White. He put his hand on my knee & I had to remind him about HB. Again.
Mar 9 2007, 01:06 AM
wow! Hi everyone! I keep not checking in for just a minute and I miss a huge amount!
Congratulations Zoya!! Crossing parts for you!
Data, I'm so sorry. He seems kind of clueless. No excuse though.
Soooo GB! New boy. Watch your back is all I'm saying. Have fun!
Culturehandy! I want to hear more about your progress =)
Anna, whenever I felt like that I sort of just stopped trying to focus on it. It will come when you least expect it. Don't worry.
p_176--you're just raking the guys in! Let us know the results of the new date, and tell us how the show was!
edie, tell us more!
GB my dear, was it you who asked whether Orion was my man? He is indeed, and he is reading the Bust forums now as a lurker. He may or may not join in order to say hello, but he has expressed extreme enthusiasm about us =)).
Stargazer, I'm so sorry to hear about what happened. I can only offer my condolences.
AP, I didn't know hippies wore suits?
the high school/college
four levels of dating: friends with benefits, seeing, dating, committed
the after college levels of dating:
see in a bar/club, see on a website, see at work, somehow have sex afterall that seeing and end up in a committed relationship if you are interested in each other
Mar 9 2007, 01:48 AM
There we go! I need to pay more attention to my gays when they speak even if I am liquored up...
Mar 9 2007, 04:53 AM
Ok so in less than 24 hours I have moved my crushie target.Oh yes sireee.........
So I get home from work and my pet rat (yes rat!) had pulled out her stitches from the operation (to remove a tumour).There was no blood and she was eating ect so she was ok.So I rang the vet.Vetcrush....
I think I may have mentioned him before.Curly hair,beautiful smile.Lovely man.
So I call him up and let him know whats wrong.He asks me if I can bring my rattie back to see him.So this afternoon I drove all the way across town.He stitched her up pretty much right away.I had to wait about 45 minutes, then he came out to the waiting room and sat down beside me .........Ooohhh this man is fine....
I asked him what he did differently this time.He said "I went in deeper"
I had to cross my legs tight.I wish he was going deeper in me........
So anyway I really want to send him a card.Yknow as a sort of thankyou.....Then on the card ask him if he'd like to go out for a drink.But then I have no idea if he is even single or not.He doesn't wear a wedding ring but that doesn't mean anything. Oh he's so hot.! I feel like I'm fifteen again.
He's going to call me next week to see how my rattie is.
Mar 9 2007, 02:43 PM
Thanks, opheliathemuse. I would like companionship, but I don't want to settle or search, it's pointless to me. I've had chances when I dated guys who really liked me, but I wasn't 100% into them. Plus I don't feel affectionate or warm enough, like friendly but not a "girlfriend"-type. At my new job I like talking to the guys and having casual work relationships, it's nice for me at this point. I also occasionally date guys from OkCupid, but nothing that really wowed me.
Mar 9 2007, 09:47 PM
oh zoya! I was reading correctly. Congrats for portions and things going well!
GB, hmmmm, that's a toughie.
Things are going well with me and Le Man. He's really wonderful. I went over to his house after a wedding, and things went well. I kinds broke down and told him somethings about how bad things were the ex. I'm still kind of having some issues, but I'm sure that in time, I'll be able to tell him. We are hanging out tomorrow night. We are waiting on the sex thing, altough we've had sex three times, he has stopped it, saying that he has respect for me, and he wants to take things slowly. I can really appreciate it. As I need to take things slow, and not rush into things.
Oh Data, glad to here that you are doing well! Hope rattie gets better!
Anna, all will work out. I promise.
Mar 10 2007, 01:55 AM
Alright, after a bit of a crush hiatus I am rejoining you girls. Looks like things are changing crush-wise for a lot of us!
So I've got a crush on a tall sexy hockey player who lives too far away from me, but calls me every other night. Trouble is, I think he may need a couple years to grow up before anything serious can come of this. We've got similar personalities, but I'm afraid that it's the edgy side of our personalities that matches. Which I think could mean fights in the future unless we explicitly acknowledge that we're gonna try not to let that happen. I am enjoying letting this go on, so we shall see...But damn if he doesn't turn me on something fierce!
Also I have been wondering about my best male friend's feelings for me. Yes, this is the guy I was in here talking about a few months back. In the meantime we've become really good friends. I am having trouble figuring things out from his end though. He's done some really sweet things for me. At Christmas, and also my birthday, he wrote me really nice cards. When I went home for Christmas, he took me out for lunch b/c we'd not be able to see each other for a few weeks. When I came home, we rented movies and hung out that same night. I went home again a few weeks ago, so we watched movies the night before I left and then he took me out for breakfast and drove me to the airport in the morning. He'll text me stupid messages along the lines of "Are you tired? Cuz you've been running through my mind all day". It's all done in a sort of jokey atmosphere, but I dunno....I've had a lot of male friends, but none of them acted like this.
Side note, but kind of amusing: both these guys have the same name. So I'm gonna call them A1 and A2.
Mar 10 2007, 04:24 AM
Beware the ides of the best guy friend, Jkat! I had one of those jerkin' me around for months on end. We hung out a bare minimum of three nights a week, he took me to all his "special" spots, he'd take me shopping, we went on walks, etc, etc, etc. He said all the things that guys that were into me should say, "Just when I couldn't think you couldn't get more endearing." He sent me emails about stuff he'd read that was interesting to us both. We'd go to a party full of hot catches & wind up off in a corner by ourselves laughing. He got all jerky when I brought other guys around & wanted to kick the ass of a guy he caught me makin' out with. I supported him fully when everybody else blew him off. He turned on me faster than I could say motherfucker (And I can say that pretty damn quick!) when I got tired of it & started spending time with other mens that could give me the physical lovin' *&* the relationship stuff. He left me a nasty message & we've barely spoken since. I'd like to say I miss him, but I don't & it's been almost a year now.
Jkat, his name wouldn't be Andy would it?
Mar 10 2007, 06:31 AM
jkat - I have to second what AP has to say... of course there are exceptions to every rule but I had the same thing happen - got to be super close friends with a guy over the course of many months, and he would do the same thing, text me all the time, hang out, we were super close and comfortable. I told him I wanted to cross the line, we checked it out, but in the end it was a huge mind fuck for me because he ended up only copping to the "well we were always just only friends" thing and denying that there was any more than that. Not only do we not speak any more, I don't plan on ever being in the same breathing space as him.
Not saying it can't work, just saying to be very very careful if guy friend is doing those things, but not committing personally to jumping over the line and making his intentions clear.
For me anyway, I think now that the attraction and friendship should just about come at the same time - that it's so awesome to meet someone that you are attracted to, yet get along with so well that it just flows, and you have all of that at once - not one begetting the other. But that's just me getting to know what seems to work for me.
Mar 10 2007, 01:03 PM
WORD! He just wouldn't cross that line & I wasn't the one puttin' it out there. It was all him. I treated him like all my boys. During final packing today I found pictures we took in a booth almost a year ago. Every pic you could see my face, only slivers of his. Telling.
I agree there are variations to the rule, but I am always paranoid about too much attention from a guy that won't cross the line. I gave him every opportunity to take it to the next level, but he didn't. I wasn't the one hanging from my bra strap. Why should I be the aggressor when he's already taken on that role?
With HB the attraction was instant, undeniable & most importantly EASY. Nine months today. I might as well admit that I've never kept track ever. EVER. But he means enough that I know. I am such a douche.
Mar 10 2007, 01:46 PM
I agree about the best male friend. I had one of my good male friends really like me, and it came to the point where I couldn't tell him much because he would get upset if I was interested in someone. It was terrible, I didn't want to go tip-toeing around him. Be careful, this is all I can offer.
Mar 10 2007, 05:07 PM
Having flirty close guy friends is a tricky matter. Probably a good thing that mine moved across the country.
AP! You so cute with your nine month relationship. Whenever I've hit the nine month mark I feel like, "whoa, thats how long a pregnency is". I dont know what to make of it other then it feels like a milestone.
So Ophelia, I gotta watch my back, huh? Yeah, I guess the Ncrush thing could get ugly if it gets out. But maybe not, dunno. The girl he is "seeing" is going to SXSW this week and hes out of town snowboarding with buddies, so they obviously dont like each other enough to go on the same vacations. From what I've heard, they were friends first, then started hooking up, and I think they are confused about what direction they want to go in. I hope they decide soon, so I can figure out where I fit in. The best scenario would be if they decide to just be friends again, and she is such a good friend that she encourages him to date me! Hee! A little farfetched I know. More likely sitch is that they keep seeing each other and he stays away from me,..or we have a devious secret affair on the side, ..which would be fun in the short term but will likely end badly.
Hey Orion, if you are lurking I would love a boy's input!
Mar 11 2007, 06:23 AM
I don't think literature boy likes me. I sent him a message and he didn't respond. And I see him randomly sometimes and we kind of ignore each other.
What happened was that we kind of hung out and chatted at school one day, and I developed an insta-crush, he was nice and cool and a boy-cute gem in a sea of trolls.
Whatever. I can't make someone like me. Anyway, still in love with the ex, what else is new.
Mar 11 2007, 06:47 AM
ok, so SB left a couple days ago.. he had mentioned that we might be able to make schedules work to meet up today, but then he kind of took it back because he's really busy with work. I said I'd make the drive to get to him, but when he was leaving, he was just like "well, we'll see..." I haven't heard from him. no call, no email, nada. I mean, at the very least it seems he should call me today and confirm that a meet up is / isn't going to happen (at this point it looks like it isn't, but still) I understand that he's super busy, so not being able to meet up doesn't bother me at all. It's just the communication (actually lack therof) that is bothering me. It doesn't really sit well with me if he doesn't at least say something just to check in since we'd touched on the subject and I'd asked if I would indeed see him today. I just don't get it. And I'm not gonna contact him and chase him. no.
Mar 11 2007, 09:01 PM
hey AP, culture, and zoya, thanks for your advice!
yeah, i think A2 (not andy btw
) is gonna remain in the friends realm. he really is a great friend, and i don't even think i want to cross that line at all. i don't really feel sexually attracted to him either, more like i want to hug him a lot. i think i just need to get used to the fact that as a woman, i can have a close platonic relationship with a man. and i am going to chalk up everything boyfriend-y that he does to him just being a really nice guy.
A1 however is hot, hot, hot. he just called me and i am all turned on. this guy keeps me in a constant state of horniness. dammit. i think i like our vibe right now. but, sadly, won't see him for a couple months. at which point i will be ready to meet him at the airport naked, especially if he keeps up his sexy talkin' phone demeanor.
also, just got a booty call of sorts from a former crush. he actually is living here now. i think i am going to take out my academic-journal-reading-induced frustrations on him later this week.
i like your best-case Ncrush scenario, GB! it would be so great if things could work out that perfectly....although the likely sneaky situation isn't all that bad, minus the sour parting.
edie, exes stink. especially ones that don't make you hate them enough to get over them. but there are many boy-gems in the troll-sea (haha, lame but i had to do it).
man if i had useful advice for any of you, i would surely give it up. but i am sadly far too clueless for my age when it comes to men.
Mar 12 2007, 04:53 AM
ah, the boys as "friends" who will never make the move. i like to call this the "ducky" syndrome after said character from Pretty In Pink. yes, yes, i'm quite familiar with these types. i have maybe 3 straight male friends who i "see" maybe once a year. my other male friends are gay. so the sex equation is taken out. i keep my mens at a distance friend wise. i mean, i got enough friends. i would ilke a boyfriend, thank you. and why spend that much time with someone without some rewards?? but, now i think i'm sounding like an ass.
jkat, you made me laugh when i read how you would wait naked at the airport for the boy. A1 that is. oh wait, A1...makes me think of the steak sauce!! well, i guess the boy is a piece of meat.
GB, beware. that's all i have to say. don't get caught up in some weird triangle. i'm just seeing drama with this one. especially if you are new to a town. just be careful. go back to doing thinkgs to meet some more lovely boys...and while you are at it....try looking for some men.
zoya, whatev. dude, i think the older i get, the less time i have for bullshit. don't overextend yourself for this guy. he should be chasing you. make him work.
edie, yeah exes suck. but, i only thought of my ex when i didn't have a relationship going on and felt lonely. you will meet someone.
AP, if the gays are so right about relationships, then why are my best gays always involved in drama relationships! i like the whole levels of dating thing though.
Mar 12 2007, 12:58 PM
ducky syndrome!!!! how great is that!
I also meant to add that I am nolonger friends with this guy who liked me. We were super good friends too, and I still miss him sometimes, I think if we were to start talking again, we would be a different times in our lives. He is in medicine, I am a social worker who likes to party, and will go back to school, sometime.
edie, fuck that guy, I don't mean literally, I suppose it would be to hell with him.
I second what star said in terms of advice.
Mar 12 2007, 05:59 PM
Men Stargazer? So far not liking the older guys here in LA,..they all seem very swarmy, ..all in ad sales and pr and stuff.
Blech! I don't know why I make things so hard for myself. There is always some form of drama with the boys I'm attracted to,..I'm trying really hard not to think about Ncrush because of the triangle thing. I've been in similiar sitches before,..sometimes they work out for me and other times they don't. I know I just gotta back off and see what happens,..but I keep getting the urge to text him silly messages like we did before "the kiss". Aaaarg! The timing is so bad. I keep wondering what could have happened if we met before he hooked up with the other girl. Not to sound snarky but I think I'm cuter and nicer than her. Shes kinda got that edgy/bitchy thing going on, which I used to try and fake but not anymore. Anyhow, he seems too sweet for her.
It doesnt help matters that my dad is really sick right now and had to go to the hospital yesterday. I'm closer to my folks now that I'm in SoCal so I got to see him,..and hes very shaky and frail. I've been crying a lot, which means my neediness levels are even higher than ever. *sigh*
Mar 12 2007, 06:24 PM
Actually, he responded today, claiming he doesn't use computers much, which is charming. And I suppose the snubbing in public is both of us trying to be cool (and being not much more than vague aquaintances with nothing really to say). Anyway, it's totally platonic, but next time I see him I will say hi, dammit.
Yeah, the worst of it is that the ex leads me to believe that he still loves me too. But it might just be my hopeful delusions. I mean, I know he still cares. But him taking me out for dinner and calling me in the morning with jokes and stories is really doing a number on me.
Mar 12 2007, 07:16 PM
(((gb))) I know how you feel about the neediness factor. On Saturday after drinking, and on the way back to le man's house, I blabbed about how things were with my ex, lie how shitty it was, and all I wanted during the night was for him to hold me. Which he did. But I go through these phases where I'm all about having him around and what have you, and the other times, I just want my own thing. Grrrr. I must say that I'm falling fast and hard for him. Oh my.
Edie I hope that things go well with you and crushie! Boo for jerk-y exes.
Mar 12 2007, 08:11 PM
((((((((greenbean))))))))) i'm so sorry to hear about your dad.
Mar 14 2007, 11:22 AM
Thanks guys. My dad will be ok,..I think. Just part of growning old.
Don't let me bum out the thread though! Someones got to have some crushie news around here!
Mar 14 2007, 02:12 PM
I'm supposed to be seeing le man tonight...
Mar 14 2007, 03:05 PM
Fuck. He looked soooo good today. The best thing I've seen in a long time. Badass leather jacket, tight black jeans, messy hair, big grin. I didn't say hi.
(He was with a girl. Not sure what their deal is, but I felt intimidated.)
Mar 14 2007, 04:15 PM
will elaborate later.
yes, it involves SB.
again coming out of left field
I may not come up for air for a few days.
Mar 14 2007, 05:09 PM
So I went over to his house on Tuesday night to do some recording.We ended up doing 2 songs.
He can't believe that I can just play and sing and get it right in one take.I recorded Closer by NIN so there was alot of sexual chemistry in that studio I'll tell ya!
He wouldn't kiss me (deeply) when I arrived.Something about not wanting to lead me on......
Yeah right!! Then after we had recorded and I was sitting on my piano stool,he lent down and kissed me (deeply). I wasn't expecting that one!! Then I made a joke about going to bed with him and he said
"I always want to go to bed with you" WTF???
Hmm...Then he made me pesto pasta,and afterwoods we started kissing on the couch then I led him to his bedroom.....
I think I finally get this..... Friends with benefits?
I don't think I want to get in to another long-term thing either.I was so unhappy when I was in them.At least with Frenchcrush it's really exciting.And the sex is unbelievable. I still adore him though.Love him.
Mar 15 2007, 09:28 AM
good morning ladies!!
back from NY - it was awesome. training/conference went well, learned lots of new information that was useful. caught up with some friends from high school, very nice very nice.
last night was the date with the guy i had not talked to in a year. to recap, we used to work together at the public library, he was the first person i got drunk with 18 (haha), and that's when we started dating/fooling around. it's basically been off and on since then.
so he came over, we went to dinner, came back to my place for some scotch....he left this morning, and we're going out again on saturday. :-)
he's pretty romantic for someone who is not sure if he wants to get married and have kids. not that i'm looking for that immediately or anything but his actions (how he was holding and kissing me, and his behavior in general) belied his statements.....
Mar 15 2007, 05:38 PM
zoya, what's the deal, don't withhold!!!!
DG, friends with benefits is always great!
I'm falling for le man. He said last night that things feel right. I agree, things feel right.
Mar 16 2007, 08:04 PM
I had hoped to delurk much sooner and say hello, but it seems that each time I do, I'm instantly distracted and following some tangent down a rabbit hole. But in the time I've been roaming around, I've seen so many reasons why Ophelia was as guarded as excited to reveal this place to me. This is an amazing community and I take it as a gift. So, offically,.... Hello, nice to meet you.
GB, I just read today that addressed me a few days ago (thus, nudging me out of the shadows). Sorry for the delay and I hope what I say isn't obsolete or irrelevant by now. I'm not sure how much of a 'guys' point of view I could offer, but I would certainly echo the words of caution. For me, sirens automatically blare with a situation where someone's attention is divided up. Even if his quality of character is good, his seeming to slide comfortably into a situation between two love interests threatens to demonstrate treacherous things... insecurity, uncertainty, indecisiveness... and that's if he's not like most guys. scary stuff.
Then again, seems to me that kissing and chemistry allows for some dialogue. I'm a big fan of frontloaded conversations. Maybe that's the best way to see if it's one of those workable scenarios? The clearest 'guy' perspective thingy I could offer is that no guys shouldn't be comfortable talking with you about this. In short: Watch your back! Hope that grazes what you were looking for.
Mar 16 2007, 11:16 PM
well whatever it is zoya, sounds great!
hi orion! nice to have men around here too
edie, is this the ex you're talking about? it sucks when they look so good....every time i see 'the one i wish i was with', i just about have a heart attack because he is so cute.
culture, so how'd it go with leman?
Anyhow, at lunch today, A2 asked me how things were going with my telephone boyfriend (A1), who he only knows about b/c he's been at my apartment when A1 has called. Actually, he asked permission to ask me about A1...he's overly cautious...I told him things were alright, and then I asked him if he thought I was a jerk for letting this guy chase me around (which I only sort of am doing....but just because I want him to prove he really wants this). Anyhow, A2 was not impressed and basically told me I needed to i) tell A1 that it isn't going anywhere ii) wait for A1 to start dating someone in the city where he lives or iii) see if A1 moves out here to be with me, and then see if things work. Then he started back on his work. WTF?!?! He wanted to know!
Now a little background: I dated A1 a few years ago, he took off to Germany to play hockey, we stopped talking, I moved away, he moved back, and he got back in touch with me. My family still lives in the same city as him...so it's not like I never go back there. He's really trying to keep this thing going, even though I am trying not to make a big effort (only because I am protecting myself).
So, is A2 just being pissy, or is he right?
Mar 17 2007, 11:14 AM
Hi Orion! Welcome!
Jkay, maybe he's just wondering where things stand?
Things with le man are going well. He is out of town at a soccer tourney. Not much new to report on.
Although, last weekend, I did meet his friends, and I stayed at his house. I was going to stay in the guest bedroom, and I asked him if he wanted me to sleep with him, he said it was up to me, but it would be great if I stayed with him. So I did. He kept me so nice and warm all night.
He has a really great group of friends. Good people, they all have kids though! I feel totally out of the loop when they have the kid coversations. Even le man has a neice and nephews. I am an only child! The talk about labour and babies, and diaper changing. No fucking clue what to say.
Mar 17 2007, 04:47 PM
Actually, jkat, I was talking about the crush!
My ex is a cutie too, but not as stylish. Though he does still give me butterflies.
Mar 18 2007, 12:15 AM
ok girls, just a quick one, because I am tired and hungry and need to do something about both...
in a nutshell, SB called me out of the blue right after his work project ended. That boded well, because though he's not completely off the hook, it does show me that he was indeed super busy but called me as soon as he was done. Then he basically asked if I could spend a couple of days with him, just us hanging out. So I did.
Yes, still completely smitten. Oh man, the sex. wow. and we just get on really really well. We talk about everything and have so much fun hanging out and it's just so easy. I don't know where things are going, we didn't talk at all about that. Of course, as a girl, I want to know what's up. But I think that it's a little early in the game for that. Add to that the fact that both of us are super busy and don't live in the same place (and travel anyway).... but I don't care. There is ALWAYS a way to make things work. So we'll see. I think everything will be just fine.
god, I like him.
Mar 18 2007, 03:15 PM
Hey y'll. Sounds like a lot of you are doing well!
Jkat, A2 most likely has a crush on you, so his advice may be in self-interest. Keep the fun going with A1 but don't think of him as your boyfriend until you guys actually are in the same town.
Hey Orion! Thanks for your advice. Quick question, when you wrote this, "insecurity, uncertainty, indecisiveness...and that's if he's not like most guys. scary stuff." do you mean it'd be worse if hes like most guys? He sent me a playful text last night, so yeah, obviously he's not uncomfortable with the sitch,..so is that a dubious sign? Damn, the little scamp! I'm such a sucker.
Its funny the range of advice I've been getting from my friends irl. Some say hes bad news and stay away, others say stick around but play it cool/hard to get, and some say to be straightfoward and ask him how he feels. One thing is for sure I will not have a drink alone with him again until I know whats up.