Help - Search - Members - Calendar
Full Version: is it called a crush because that's what it does to you?
The BUST Lounge > Forums > The Mating Game
Pages: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58
yeah, i'm not gonna do the whole thing verbatim. i don't even remember it all verbatim. but i asked him if i could buy him dinner, saying that i found him interesting but hard to figure out and thought that conversing over a coffee counter was insufficient, then gave him a couple different ways to say yes and a couple different reasons to say no.
Ok, long story long..... on Sunday Spazzy took the metro to my neck of the woods and I picked him up at the station by car. As soon as I saw him 'drugs' popped into my mind..not sure what drug, he just seemed on something...but he was carrying bags full of gourmet groceries and said he was gonna pamper me so I chose to ignore what was off-putting.
The boy can cook! I was pleasantly surprised,..a guy hasnt made me dinner in a long time, and never as good as this...anyway we ate, he cleaned up (!) and we finished the bottle of wine he brought. This was all very nice but still I felt like we werent on the same plane. He kept telling me how pretty I looked and how comfortable he feels around me, yet when I kissed him he never could really stay in it, like he couldnt focus and dare I say it, still didnt seem to want to advance things.
It was coming up on 2 o'clock and he suggested walking a few blocks to the store to get more booze before they stop selling. I said I didnt feel like it, it was cold and late, and I didnt need anymore booze. He said he could really use a smoke and said he'd be back in a minute. Well, one minute turned into thirty, and I got really concerned. When he got back I was like "where the fuck were you!?!",..he said that the storekeeper was Indian and they got to talking about India (Spazzy is white but his childhood was in India cuz his kooky parents followed a guru there. yeah.) Fine I said but I was tired and wanted to sleep. Ok he said "but I promised a bum out there a cigarette but I left them up here so I'll be right back" and grabbed his smokes and headed back out. WTF?!!!!!? All the bums in my neighborhood are crackheads. At this point I wouldnt be surprised if he was trying to score some crack himself.
So I got in bed..Spazzy came back all damp cuz it started to drizzle outside, and said he would take a shower before coming to bed. FINE, I said, quite agitated now. I feel asleep while he showered, and only slightly remembered him coming to bed and holding me. Next thing I know its 5 in the morning and I wake up cuz hes shuffling around. He tells me he has to go cuz his sister (who runs a cafe) just texted him and needs morning help cuz an employee is sick. I was overjoyed. He left. I slept until 11.

Whew! Quite a yarn. The next time I saw him was on Tues when we were both working and he looked like hell. I mean really bad. I told him that and he said he had a cold. Then he tried to lean in and kiss me and I was like "Eww! You say you have a cold and you think I'm gonna kiss you?". "Oh, right, sorry" he said. Eventhough I didnt believe that it was a cold (looked more like he was in an opiate haze) I couldnt imagine kissing him, he was sweaty and pale. Amazing how you can be so attracted to someone and then POOF! its gone. Hes been calling, still interested I gather but really, his hot bod aint worth it. Just gotta figure a kind way to turn him down. He is a super-sweet guy under the crazed surface...but come-on, if I'm gonna be up all night its cuz of hot sex, not this bs.
ok, i need an opinion (or several) again. i'm starting to think i am verry, verrry bad at reading men.

i have been hanging out with my nerdboy crush for over a month now....he's in 3 classes with me, and started showing up on my bus and in my lunch line *rather* frequently about 2 months ago. we've become fast friends, and work on everything his suggestion. he makes a point of looking over at me and smiling in class when we aren't sitting together. he remembers things about me like the kind of earrings i like to wear, reminds me to take my insulin (aw, like i'd forget), tells me i'm a great sister when my brother drives me nuts, lets me know i'm pretty in roundabout ways, calls me at midnight to tell me how happy he is that an event i coordinated went well, all things i would assume mean that maybe he likes me a little.

anyway, last weekend he told me via msn that he was nervous because he was seeing his ex the next day....and recent ex, as i discovered shortly. they'd broken up a week prior. turns out she just wanted to solidify their breakup. and he was upset about it. wtf? had i heard him mention a gf at all while we were hanging out? nooooo....and then last night he comes online drunk, and starts telling me about how irritated he was at the party he went to because really drunk girls were hitting on him. why does he do this? am i supposed to act jealous?

so now i am confused. is this how men act when they want to be your friend? is he holding off b/c he doesn't want to rebound on me? what is going on! why am i so clueless?

you girls all seem to be much better at this than i am! hellp blink.gif
How old is this guy, jkat? Are you high school students?
jkat - he's sending mixed signals. you can make a decision to deal with it, and try to get a straight answer from him as to what relationship he wants with you, or you could leave him alone. it's up to you. what's your threshold for what you are willing to take from this (or any) guy, who is sending mixed signals?

um. also, could you bustie ladies please give me some guidance on what to do also? i simply have forgotten how to break up with someone - have been dating a few guys, and one of them - even though he keeps calling, i REALLY don't think he's interested in dating me seriously (like he's dating me until someone else comes along?) ...... i guess a simple, rip-off-bandaid type of conversation, like, i can't see you anymore would suffice, right?
gosh i am a dork sometimes. :-/
edna--no, we are in our mid-twenties. now that i look back at it, it does seem a little high school, doesn't it? he's just really shy and tough to read, i'm just having a hard time figuring out where he's coming from. i don't want to say anything just yet, as his last relationship was 4 years long....and just terminated. in all fairness, if i had just come out of a 4 year relationship, i wouldn't want to start anything too quickly either.
i guess i'm just frustrated because i'd like everything out on the table, black and white...i keep meeting men who either a) are afraid to initiate anything or cool.gif not ready to initiate anything. and i suppose my best bet here would be to just let things progress in their natural order...i'm impatient tongue.gif

hmmmm....that 'b' turned into a cool.gif....
p176, in my experience it's been easiest to just be blunt and say 'you know__, i'm really sorry but i don't want to date you anymore'. like you said, the pulling-off-the-bandaid method gets the best results, and you don't have to deal with confusion on his part.
hi all..

ok, just a quick drive by to say that guys are dorks. all of em. No matter who they are.

that is all

greenbean~yeah, something was up with Spazzy.

jkat~uh, if you are ok with being his friend, then just see where things go.

p_176~yeah, i would just be straight forward. not that i've handled every dating relationship like that. but, in is best to just be honest.
where did everyone go??

hey zoya
long thanksgiving weekend, is my guess. i, unfortunately, had to work at my pt job all weekend - so nice money, but no free time except for sleep.
no real crush news - one crush invited me to a concert this weekend but i was not sure if i had to work or not, so i did not get back to him until late, so have not heard back from him yet. another crush - we still talk on the phone but have not made plans to get together (this is the one i was thinking of breaking it off - since he does not really act as though he's all that into me). another crush - i saw him last week, left him a voicemail about getting together for dinner sometime this week - have not heard back yet. and the last crush wants to start being serious. and, someone please help me out here! - i'm pondering working it out with my exfiance.
so, that's my news. anyone else have an exciting weekend?
Boys are evil. That is all.

((happy crushie vibes to everyone))

Where is everybody?
This doctor guy and I have been emailing each other ever since we cyberly met on a dating site.
Yes he's a doctor,better yet he's a surgeon.Im not even sure if he really is.
Anyway, Im having major issues in my head about this guy.Like why,out of all the gorgeous women,did he pick me to email?? My pic is there and all.Ok Im kind a cute but definatly not beautiful.But inside I am.
I just don't get.Let me say that again.A surgeon.He Saves Lives.I work part-time.I don't get it.
Anyway,so he emails me today and gives me his number and asks if I want to go for coffee/drinks.
Did I mention that he's very attractive??
Oh well.I'm just going to go with the flow.I gave him my home number (it's not listed) and said I'd be there after 5pm.
I'm really hanging out to see what this guy sounds like.I'm not putting any expectations on this one.
No no no,not like last time wink.gif
datagirl~just relax and breathe. i hope things go well with coffee. make him work. don't get blindsided by his career and looks. good luck!
Hi All!!

Long time without any news from me, ...but I thought I would update on what is happening on my side of the pond.

I have been in a new job for the last 2 weeks so have had minimal time to converse with all you lovely gals, and to top it off, I was involved in an exhibition the last week, mind-numbing, but part of the new job....

Anyways, on crushie news, I have been blessed with what has been the most UNEXPECTED event in my recent love seek, an old friend who has been in a relationship for the past 2 years, and broken up a month or two back, has appeared as a new crush, went past crush to kissing stage and since then, all in a week and a half, to lover... smile.gif will post more in the portions thread.. Might I just say that I never ever expected this to happen and never even thought I was worthy of her affections...but when you least expect it, these things happen, we have been in each others company for the last few days, shared great conversations, great food, great wine and some of the most rewarding loving I have ever had.....a beautiful girl, with an amazing demeanour and she likes me....I am soooo happy at the moment, there has been no pressure, no outside influence and no meddling from nice. I feel like a teenager, and I am quite sure that we get out of each other what is most wanted....


Sassy, she shares a similar condition to you, has told me all about it and I have never felt so protective over someone's wellbeing the way I am now (that is not condescending by the way, but a genuine concern and admiration for someone who has to steel herself against something that the rest of us take for granted).

All boys are evil? Me included in your generalisation? sad.gif

Yay to butterflies in my tummy, yay to gentle kisses and loving, yay to crushing! laugh.gif
Kal, I could never include you in my rash generalization. smile.gif

Glad things are going great. Being smitten is wonderful. Also, great about the new job as well!

Just having a bit of a problem with an old friend of mine. Long crush from years ago. He's having a bit of a problem giving up in the ghost. I guess
the ghost is me. It's weird b/c the man just got married, and I would think he would be happy for me to finally be in a stable relationship. Whatever.
I don't want to lose the friendship though. We were former fuck buddies. Hence, the men comment yesterday.

Also, that wasn't condescending to me at all Kal. That's the way Mcgeek is around me. I found it very weird (the almost over-protectiveness of it all), at first, but I know he's just trying to look out for me. He would gently remind me to take my medication (even though I already had), and when we were at a dinner recently with my family, he only let me have two glasses of wine.

Butterflies, kisses, and all things grand.... yay for crushing indeed.

Hey guys, glad/hope all is well. No crushing for me, mainly because I'm moving to a new city in a couple weeks and cant really start anything new. I wouldnt mind someone to fool around with until then but the last few months have shown me that boys arent as easy as I thought. Its weird, I used to think boys would love a non-commital, no-strings-attached kind of fling, ..but I keep picking the guys that want to hang on to me for dear life! What gives?!?
Last night went out with Dr crush,
Still not sure if he's a real doctor/surgeon.
He's hot.And want's to see me again.I'm pretty happy,but cautious.
He didn't want to go home so we smoked cigarettes on my balcony and talked books.He doesnt usually smoke and neither do I but hey,the moment called for it.He's not a great kisser but whatever.
He lives in such a different world than I do,yet we talked (and kissed) pretty much non stop.
I'll keep ya'll posted........
So a bartender bought me three drinks. My friend says he was gay because he talked to some guy for forever. Wtf?


more WTF: met a guy friday night, we were totally vibing on each other, made plans to go out on sunday (yesterday), so then on sunday, he starts telling me how he's out of a 2year long relationship and is trying to work it out with his ex.
so, like, why are you trying to talk to me??
this is the second guy this has happened with in the last few weeks.
so i don't think you can call this a crush, but there's this interesting-looking lab fellow i've noticed for a few weeks now... thin, goatee, longish dark brown hair, glasses, two lip rings...

he looks like he'd be fun to go to a poetry reading with and then extract some rna.

wow. i need to get out more.

but yeah, how do i strike up a convo with someone i don't ever have to interact with?
Dr Crush turned out to be Dr Nothing,had good sex then"I'll call you"
Well we know how that ends.He's too busy................Saving lives to even contemplate saving
He used me and that feels grose.Like Im still in high school.I was never used by guys then so why am I doing it to myself now? I am DONE with internet dating.ugh.
Crushieeeeees! I've meeeced you!

data, chalk it up and forget about him. If he's not smart enough to realize how cool you are, then fuck 'em. If you've been out of the dating scene for a bit, it's natural that your bullshit radar can take a little time to recalibrate. (I know of what I speak-see archives for my cellgrrl, um, mistake).

ophelia, he doesn't HAVE to be gay, just because he talked to some guy forever. Maybe he's bi, or maybe "some guy" just made interesting conversation. Lord knows I've had long chats with guys at bars, and there's NO way I was actually interested, er, in THAT way. Go back and see if he remembers you. Chat him up! The worst that could happen is free drinks and good conversation....

greenbean, guys are WAY more sensitive than girls, I think it comes from them thinking they have to hide their freakin' feelings all the time. Silly boys. Here's to new crushes in the new city!

p.176, the holiday season is the suck for meeting people like that. He probably is so scared of being "alone" for the holidays he wants to have somebody in the wings in case his ex doesn't take him back. Nutless. Buh-BYE, loserboy! NEXT!

COCL, any chance to see this guy at lunch or break or something? In the parking lot before/after work? Someplace you could "accidentally" bump into him and start a convo? If all else fails, drop your hankie at his feet tongue.gif

Kal, congrats on being a smitten kitten!

AP, how goes it? Is your ankle any better? I swear, I'm sending you loads of bubble wrap for Xmas, so HB can line your apartment.....

hi all.. ok here's an update, been emailing a bit with guy who i met, he asked when i was going to be around and i emailed back and told him - and have not heard from him since. i'm sure i'll hear back eventually, but wtf? he may be shy, but that seems nuts to me. I just told him when i'd be around, i didn't ask him to do something, because i wanted to give him the opportunity to do it. I'm hoping maybe he just needs the space to get his head around the reality of the situation that i'll actually be around in person..... who the hell knows.. boys. i tell ya.
HB is still MIA. I got flowers & a lovely card in Chinese. Have I mentioned that the man speaks Mandarin fluently? The only words I understood were sugar & miss you.

Yea! I missed Miss Sixel! Xiang-nian ni!

Zoya, homeboy is a notorious little weirdo freak! Admittedly, a talented, smart, little weirdo freak, & let's face it, the familial association is way hot, but whatevs. Personally, I think politics is what gets him hot, so maybe you can do something politcal when you're in town & then go have some hot veggie monkey sex after. I bet he'd cuddle & make you some tea while you both railed against Bill O'Reilly!

Ophelia, what a dumb thing to say about somebody! The boys over to my local inspire loyalty, so their people come in to drink. Not a one of them is gay & they talk to lots of guys for extended periods of time. Sounds to me like your friend might like said fella & is trying to warn you off without saying so. Jealous much, friend?

p176, girl you are unlucky! I've recently gained myself a newly broken up friend from my coffee shoppe & he's in my grille every. Single. Day. He flirts like crazy & drops the inneundo, but we wind up talking about his failed 'ship. Not my type at all even as a friend! Non drinker, veg, etc, etc. I just don't have the heart to shake him.

Data, you don't buy a car without kickin' the tires. You got a lemon this time. Thank cod you only drove it 'round the block. Think what would have happened if you'd bought it & taken it on the great roadtrip! And IRL dating is no better than online dating. Very few people deliver the, "I am a total asswipe" goods the first few times.

COCL, got nothing for you. I always take the direct approach as I am always willing to fall on my ass for a gas. If that fails, I'm a big fan of "Hi. You're new, huh? I'm AP. Nice to meet you." Good solid handshake with eye contact, too.

GB, boys are retarded. That is all.

Kal is smit-ten, Kal is smit-ten, ha ha ha ha ha ha!

My little crushies are going nuts. Mcrush has been real pushy about the hook-up lately even though we're both already committed. The Younger is quite a conundrum. On one hand he repulses me because, well, he's a guy. On the other he intrigues me because, well, he's a guy. I ain't gonna fuck either of them, but they do provide much amusement during my HB free days.
haha AP ... but how do you (and your HUGE ass wink.gif ) know that I'm talking about that friend of yours... I do meet many boys...heh.

yah Kal! smitten is good.

data, I concur with the aforementioned points. And I would also like to add, "f*ck 'em."
Oh, hoho, Zoya! You slutty slutty slut slut you! Who the hell fabulous did you meet now? Rockstah!
...hee hee, but you don't know that I'm NOT talking about that friend of yours.. wink.gif

(zoya's in a sassy mood today...! haha)
p_176's fodder for my book lol. but, in the short time i've been dating after my ex and i broke up, yeah, i guess i have not had the best luck - lots of guys playing games, or 'too busy'....and the one who is like, ready to get married, i don't want to marry him :-/
however, i'm working a lot right now, so it's not like i have a ton of time myself....
Ok,so Im not over online dating.
In fact I met a guy online last night who restores funky furniture,lives with possums and is quirky and (hopefully) sane.He's ok looking,has a cute smile and looks a bit like that guy that sings Lola the showgirl.I'll remember after posting this.Again I'm not going to expect fireworks.I still think about Dr Crush,he left me horny for days after and no one has done that to ever. HO hum but anyway,I will chalk it up to just getting what I needed.I guess I used him a little too.
Yay for restoring furniture...............hmm
Barry Manilow?
Thankyou emtee..

Yes! Barry Manilow.But darker.
I sort of think Barry is sorta cute in a not so cute

What more can I say...I have weird taste..
eh. i am so annoyed with guys who talk about their exes. yeah, can we say emotionally unavailable and stuck in the past? i always get guys who talk about their exes. then again, i'm a good listener, not judgemental, i don't overreact, pretty accepting....yeah, it goes with the whole psychologist's a big turn off...

seems like lots of action has been going on. that's cool. nothing here since i've been a self imposed shut in. i guess i'm saving myself for spring....

datagirl~barry manilow? well, if he has a best friend named, i have copacabana in my head...
Playing games are, we Zoya? Yeah, it's the same guy & he ain't my friend, missy.
Oh, god, data, I can't get the image of Barry Manilow living in a log cabin in the woods somewhere, restoring funky furniture and singing to possums (Jim Hensen ones that dance and chime in on the chorus)........ blink.gif

zoya, maybe he's "cleaning house" a bit.....I can picture some guy running around "hottie's coming, hottie's coming, hottie's coming" clearing his schedule, kicking clothes under the bed, last minute grooming, all so he can appear "casually available" when you come around......

AP, how long is HB gonna be gone? (and I'm kind of amused that Netflix just told me "Chinatown" is next up in my queue.....)
No, no AP, the friend who said the bartender was gay has a boyfriend she's been with for a while. We have a play rivalry over a friend at work, a boy at work--he's 19 I think--I'm 24, she's 21. I'm almost 25, for heaven's sake. Maybe she's jealous of me there. We'd never been to the before. It was a show my friend was playing. I was thinking about going back there next time my friend plays at that location.

Heehee, Barry Manilow?

I'm glad you're bad sixela (get double the sightings!)

datagirl, yikes! I have to say though, I never know how to gracefully end relationships--a tip would be appreciated. I essentially did that same thing to one guy and I feel awful about it.

heh, greenbean! That happens to me too!

crazyoldcatlady...he sounds hot! um, extracting rna sounds fun to me too.

yeah, zoya, I hear you. ooooh man.
Hm How does one end a relationship?
I guess it depends on how long you've been dating.
With Dr Crush he could pretty much blow me off anytime.Although we did have ranchy sex,he wasnt obligated to call,I guess.I do think I have a habit of putting out far too early though and this may have scared him off.A pity cause he was sooooooo damn hot.I still look at his pic online like a little weirdo.But also just to see if he's still fishing ,which he is.
I say if it's less that 2 dates you can just blow it off and pretend to be busy.Whenever last names and work addresses are issued,a straight "I dont want to date you anymore" will probably suffice.
But then I have no idea.The guys here in Sydney are probably a little different to the guys in the US.But they're still addicted to sms and totally in love with never having enough time to call.

I have a date next WEdnesday with funky furniture guy........He emailed me then we talked last night on the phone.I again looked at his profile pic and yeah he's cute.So we'll see.
datagirl! I do the same thing. I tend to jump the guy ASAP. I guess sometimes it does scare them, heh. Sometimes it makes them think you want it all...
Thanks for the help. That's sorta what I have been doing, just, ignoring him. eep.
I hope your adventures with the furniture guy go well!
Hot art guy just asked me out. Wondering if I should accept.

Mcgeek has turned in Mcasshole lately. I know the holidays are hard for both of us (his divorce will be final next week), but he's been very unsupportive lately. He even thought my ideas of going back to grad school were dumb. Fucking schmuck. Yet, I support him when he teaches. I even get used to his bitchy dog, and the fact that his house is never clean. But, the second I mention changing my life in a big way, his thoughts are just idiotic and mean.

((happy crushie vibes))
Do it, sassy!

We're still flirty with the emails at this point... I'll let ya know! smile.gif
p_176 exfiance and i are considering reconciling....
p_176 - i say give it a whirl. I mean, I don't know your circumstances, but sometimes just as much as people say "no! you have too much history! getting back together doesn't work!!" That history, and the willingness to move beyond it into new territory, can make things much stronger. How long have you been apart? I really think that sometimes when people are apart for awhile, they have the chance to grow and address things on thier own that may have been issues the first time around, and become stonger as indivduals - thus bringing more to the re-kindled relationship.

That's kind of what I'm dealing with right now -I'd really like to give things a try with exboy - we've been apart for over 2 years, but in touch the whole time. We still care immensely about each other, but he's not having it at this point. I dunno - it just seems like we're supposed to be together. I'm not saying that in some stalker kind of way... I mean, even if you're 'supposed' to be with someone, it's not going to happen unless they (and you) are ready and willing. So that's what I mean.

So I'm also trying to just do what's in front of me also and not wait around (which is frustrating all to hell)

Which leads me to say that shyguy I've been talking about below (and getting all sassy about with AP) finally kind of asked me out. 'bout time.
hey zoya ~
thanks. we've been separated since june....we basically are open to talking about whether or not we can compromise on some things that caused the problems the last time. it's interesting - we just started talking about reconciling within this last month but i've already heard rumors from other people that he and i are back together. go figure.
Zoya! Motherfucking finally! I want details! How did he "kinda" ask you out?

So, p_176, has he made any improvements in the behaviours that you were unhappy with? I seem to recall a lack of motivation & followthrough? Also, I think there was communication drama & arguments about funds? Money is like, the number one issue with marrieds. Have you completed your remodel?
well we're just starting to talk about things, so nothing concrete. the issues you remember were my issues with him - he's not really told me what his issues with me were (other than my being angry with him:-P)
so we'll see. i'm not holding my breath for anything right now.
I can't really post anything too obvious on here, but someone -close- to me said basically he was going to find himself single pretty soon. He actually said, "hint hint." I wonder what he means?
Yo! Where my crushies at? Zoya is gonna be in my neck of the woods in a couple days...
here and accounted for! Hey AP!!! I am sooo stoked I get to meet the fabulous AP!

shyguy finally (kind of) asked me to do something with him (ie: "are we going to hang out?" ) but I guess that's a step in the right direction. Anyway, at least he kinda took the bull by the horns. We'll see.... (hey Kalevra, if you are around, any guy insight?)

exboy and I are talking a bit more than usual, I'm going to see him in a couple of weeks. so who knows where that will go.

so thats my update / check in. Anyone else?
omg, you two are sooo lucky. Get to hang out and all.

Yeah, still unsure. A boy being friendly to me who has said blatantly he has a crush on me, but we haven't hung out yet. the other one, only extremely brief communications.

Merry the year fades.
This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please click here.
Invision Power Board © 2001-2016 Invision Power Services, Inc.