Mar 28 2007, 07:05 PM
sweet dreams, mox. sweet, care-free dreams.
Mar 28 2007, 10:23 PM
Sorry Mox--I don't have the time stamp set correctly on this and it throws me sometimes. (I was thinking it was tomorrow, but I checked the time of your post, and, well, I should have known better.)
Anyway, I hope she feels well enough so everyone has a great day.
Oh, and I got the job. Now I just have to go through return to work panics. If I have to return to work at least this is a good employer, though. And I get the higher end of the starting pay scale--first time that's ever happened to me.
Notbob just had a laughing session with his dad--well, not "just" but a bit ago, and now he's asleep. For now. He was having such a good time, but wasn't hysterical. I love it when that happens.
Mar 29 2007, 03:39 AM
Annoush, its cool. Thanks for thinking of us! And....CONGRATS!!! YEAH NEW JOB!! The first few weeks will be rough, but you can totally do it!!
I had a relatively panic free night, even at 2am when the birthday girl was fussy...i resisted the "ok, well you're sick and need mama" impulse and let her work it out, which she did brilliantly. Now we just have to ready ourselves for the onslaught of "when will you have another" that is bound to come our way and not be particularly inappropriate (well any more so...) in the upcoming months.
Gren, how y'a feeling?
Tart...CLOSiNG TOMORROW!!!! WHOOOOOOOOT! Besides the move, any big plans for my SIL's 1st?
OK, off to worky work. Long day ahead. its ok, I'm playing hookey tomorrow. Despite the 2 sick days. I need to bake for the party on saturday.
And spend a lovely day with my sister and my bebe.
Mar 29 2007, 06:16 AM
Happy Birthday, Moxette!!
Wow! A whole year old! I can only imagine how you must be feeling, Mox... proud, nostalgic, etc etc. The lil guy's only 3 1/2 months and I'm already feeling nostalgic and sad about his newborn days. Hubby and I were looking at pictures the other night and (cod help me) I was thinking "I miss being preggers. We should have another soon." Then, I sobered up. I think I'll wait a little while longer before adding a sibling. I have my hands full enough now! My sis-in-law has 2 lil ones and one on the way. In August she'll have 3 under 3 yo! I don't know how she does it!
And Congrats Anoushh!!! Yay, new, good-paying job!!
Mar 29 2007, 06:30 AM
3 under 3? Oh goodness...my stomach turned. We're waiting another year before trying again...2-3 years apart seems just right to us. Maybe January, as it took us 6 months to get preggers with moxette. Anyway, thanks for the well wishes. I am feeling all sentimental and nostalgic and such, but not enough to want to do this first year again yet! When I asked my own momma how she did it with 3 kids just 5 years apart (5 yrs between me the oldest and my youngest sibling), she says "I don't know, I guess I just don't remember the 80s!" Achk.
Anhoush, how's the No Cry Sleep Solution? What are some suggestions? New ideas are always welcome here...its bustieland!
Mar 29 2007, 06:55 AM
woohoo! *flings confetti* HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOXETTE!! and GOOD JOB TO YOU, MOXIE! you're a great momma!!
WOOHOO! congrats on the new job, anoushh!!
Mar 29 2007, 06:59 AM
HI FJ!!! Can't wait until jackaroo is here and you can come play full time!
Thanks for the b-day wishes. I'll shower moxette with extra kisses!
Mar 29 2007, 07:32 AM
glad you got a good night's sleep (with some interruption), mox. my mom also had three kids in five years and not only doesn't remember the eighties, but doesn't remember my toddlerhood at all as my sis came along before i was two. as i'm the middle child, this is a caution to me not to have one myself.
i'm okay. tired. in a hormonal, dragging way. but not getting enough sleep doesn't help either...the bean likes to wake up at five and the mister likes to be surly about it *yawn*
...you could always answer the "when are you having another" question with "well, the adoption list for cambodia is long...we want to have a boy and name him "maddox." don't you think that's a nice name? or maybe a little sister...something exotic...like "zahara'? what do YOU think?"
congratulations, anoushh! of course, none of us are surprised.
and congratulations to tart on home ownership...as a resident of the expensive west, i'm mortally jealous (i was looking at pics of that house thinking, in SF that would go for 2-3 million...).
Mar 29 2007, 07:36 AM
Wheeeeee! *~*~*~*~*~*~throws glittery streamers all 'round the thread
Anoushh, congratulations! I'm so proud of you - I know there will be tough times, getting readjusted, but I think getting some balance in your life is just the ticket... It sounds like Dad's on board & getting some quality NotBob time, which is teh awesome.
Speaking of teh awesome, happy birthday snorgles for Moxette! (and one for Mama, too!) Good on you for getting sappy, Mox - it's our right as mothers to well up at the though of our wee ones growing up so fast... I think we're going to keep it low-key for now & do a mini party for Tartlet once we're home - though I'm going to send treats to school on his actual birthday. What's fun but safe for everyone (ages 9 months - 2.5 years) to eat? Maybe just a big vat of Mixed Booty... (OK, that sounded wrong. You know what I mean.)
FJ!!! I respectfully request to violate your personal space and zerbert your belly...
So Tartman flies out today for the closing, leaving me with 3 days of Mama Solo... He's so charmingly panicky for me, trying to get everything set up for me before he goes, fretting that I won't have any time to myself, feeling really horrible that I have to do this all by myself... silly Daddy. Doesn't he know I've got the Boobie Magic?
In 30 hours, we will be bonafide homeowners... holy hell.
Mar 29 2007, 07:42 AM
Thanks. how about zuchinni bread muffins?
Solo mamahood? Gasp. That scares me a little. I know, I know. Be a grown up already! Now that she's sleeping at night, I think business trips will be much easier to handle solo.
ok, my stupid printer is malfunctioning. gtg try and fix it. grrr....
Mar 30 2007, 12:32 PM
It's ours! Wooo!
Mar 30 2007, 02:17 PM
I'm so pleased for you.
Apr 1 2007, 04:21 AM
HI! WHOOOOTTTT!!! Home ownership!!!
We've had a rather eventful weekend already, and its only sunday morning! I played hookey on friday, and spent the day with my sister and my daughter...we played, we went for a crazy long walk and we caught up alot. Went to dinner friday night at a normally VERY kid friendly local joint, where they proceeded to wait 20 min just to get our appetizer order...gah! moxiefam ended up leaving before dinner was done (leaving a somewhat miffed rest-of-fam) bc poor moxette just couldn't behave any longer...over 90 min! We were pretty darned proud of her for lasting that long. Then yesterday, the big party...a total success. Despite poor naps and a big crowd, moxette was a total rock star. I was totally proud of how well adjusted and socially confident she was. She even took a couple of independent steps...she's at the stage where she CAN walk, but is choosing not to. Just like rolling and crawling before.
Anyway, now, I have requested a day "off", since I was the at-home parent all week with the sick bebe, and still got a party off (well, my mom and my sister did ALOT too!). I'm debating a pedicure...hmmm...its raining outside all day, so gardening is out. I feel like I SHOULD do housework...maybe a little of both.
anyway, Annoush- when do you start the new jobby job?
Gren- how ya feeling?
Apr 1 2007, 01:00 PM
I might want to leave too, even without the kid, after that. Seems perfectly reasonable to me.
I start Monday!
And I really need a new haircut to cover my increasing baldness.
The place I go is near my new job--maybe I can schedule something on my way home.
I'll report back later on the "no cry sleep solution" book--thanks for reminding me. I wanted to get some feedback from people here on a few things. Overall it's nothing new, but reassuring, I guess. Notbob just isn't much a sleeper, and I think I just need to be patient with him as he grows up. It would be great if I had one of those easy sleeping babies, but he's not, and I suppose he's pretty normal for his age. Someday. He is learning to settle himself back down on occasion, which is good.
And another WOOOO!! for the house.
Apr 1 2007, 03:41 PM
hope your first day on the job is great, anoushh. maybe you can convince the mister to be a househusband while you're the career woman...
mox, are you a gardener? i'm seriously thinking of trying to grow vegetables this year...i have to get on it, though, if i want them to grow! i'm feeling ok. slightly queasy still, but ok. i'm starting to get the paranoia about people being overly familiar/invasive due to my pregnant state, tho. i can tell i AM going to start showing more and sooner this time, and i'm not enthused about having strangers in my space. currently i'm plotting how i can dress to hide it for the rest of spring term, which ends june 15 (and i'll be six months by then, so....uh...yeah).
i have never been to the hairdresser's. i've cut my own hair since i was 13. i have also never had a pedicure...all of these things seem so mysterious.
and mox, i totally know that "can but doesn't feel like it" stage. the bean walked across a room last summer around his first birthday. then he decided crawling was way more fun until he was 13 months (i think the daycare kids shamed him into it).
Apr 2 2007, 06:43 AM
Oh, no, not a gardener...just thinking that my poor front yard could have used some weeding, and raking. BUT, I cleaned the hosue and took a nap and had lunch all.by.myself. It was a lovely day off. ALL mom's should take day's off from time to time. Annoush- you hear that? Take a day off of being mommy...esp. now that your're "out" in the working-outside-home world again! Yeah for your own income! Yeah! for your own sanity! Extra HUGS and KISSES for annoush and not-bob this morning!
So, we're full-into teething...every night...in the last week, 2 new teeth. And, I think, another one shortly. Poor kiddo. Motrin to the rescue! Or, target/walgreens/rite-aid brand ibuprofin to the rescue!
OK, work calls.
Apr 2 2007, 07:09 AM
Thanks, everyone - now that Tartman's back home, keys in hand, it all feels much more real, you know? Of course, there were the usual last minute shenanigans - they were still moving out when Tartman & Realtorguy went to do the walk-through, so the place is filthy. And they took the stove. Um, hello
? They tried to pull the "well, we gave them so much already ($ towards closing & repairs, a bunch of furniture), we're taking the stove" but Realtorguy got all "nuhuh, I don't think so, snapsnap", and they brought it back that afternoon
Pays to have a really nice realtor who can also be an incredible dick... We got a shitload of money back after closing, thanks to overestimating just about every cost, so we're having the place professionally cleaned, top to bottom. My folks are drumsanding the crappy paint off the bedroom floors, and painting the walls for us. Tartmans' dad is rewiring & adding a bunch of outlets for us, so we can have the computers & the microwave running at the same time. And Tartlet's new daycare is literally across the alley & down one. And it has a big fat yard. Woo!
SoloMama weekend went really well, surprisingly so. I think I was largely because the phone died, so there were no interruptions, and that there was only one person making parenting decisions. Having two on hand is great, but I think sometimes Tartman & I are going different directions & unnecessarily complicating Tartlet's day.
Count us in on teething woes, though - an impressive fever started yesterday afternoon, and Tartlet could not get to sleep. He just nursednursednursed & stared off into space, obviously exhausted but unable to completely shut down. We spent half the night cosleeping, the other half on the couch, and I think we both got maybe 3 hours' sleep. Ugh. He's at school & I'm at work, for the moment - DCP said she'd give me a call if the ibuprofen wasn't cutting it anymore. I think Tartlet's inheriting my enormous teeth - the top two are still
coming in, & look huge compared to other kids' teeth...
Sorry for the mememe post - Anoushh, congratulations again! And glad to hear you're feeling a little better, Gren. You could always pull the "No, I"m just fat (insert look of daggers here)" routine with perfect strangers, if you don't want everyone up in your business... I find it odd how oblivious people are to personal space when you're preggers, or when you have a tiny baby. There's an older guy we run into on the way home who I have to physically block from the stroller - he just dives right in there & "tickles" Tartlet, much to the latter's indignation. Hope everyone gets some sleep soon, Mox - at least we know it can't last forever... They won't be 17 with wisdom teeth coming in & up all night whimpering... right?
Apr 2 2007, 07:32 AM
you know, the wisdom teeth is actually one of my saving graces. I got my last one in (i have all 4!) while I was pregnant with moxette, and I can still remember the toothache. I just imagine that down to a bebe...and momma is all about whatever she needs. I'm a biug believer in fussy-to-sleep, but teething is SUCH another story all together.
So, house...YEAH! Closeby daycare...YEAH! Tart...you haven't told us what you're out-of-house job will be in PA. What's next for you?
Annoush- job report, please? Hope the first day was awesome and not too tiring!
Apr 2 2007, 07:54 AM
Mwahhaha - there IS no out-of-house work, Mox - both Tartman & I will be telecommuting from the comfort of home! Major coup on our part - the CEO has never, ever allowed anyone to work from home on a regular basis, but the prospect of losing both of us, the lynchpins of our respective departments that we are, put the fear of somethin' into him... We're opting for FT daycare for Tartlet because, let's face it, no one would get anything done, and I'm on the phone with clients all day...
That said, I'm looking at it as a means to an end - I so badly want to get back into food & teaching, but right now the house takes priority. We'll assess in a year & see what opportunities come up...
ETA: Nearly forgot weekend milestones - more walking (prompted no doubt by friend's 1.5-year-old over for a visit) & eggs! Well, just the yolks, but still. 2 yolks scrambled with a bit of dill were snarfed up right quick...
Apr 2 2007, 09:11 AM
ha ha ha, tart...i had one of those stroller-divers in my old neighbourhood. unfortunately she was also a wandering crack whore (literally), so i felt obligated to take some pretty drastic measures.
i've been thinking of snappy replies to get people out of my biz. unfortunately i don't think the "fat" excuse would fly as i'm a skinny punk and if i show, it's gonna be all right there. on the other hand, some men have beer bellies that put a pregnant woman to shame...maybe i should chortle and say, "heh heh, too much milwaukie's best!". i was kind of thinking of going the "i think it's a CYST" route...
food and teaching? teaching about food? huh?
it's the first day of term here and i'm at school supposedly doing syllabi but really thinking of entering my manuscript in a book competition. postmarked by today. hmm..
i don't even have envelopes.
anoushh, we wait with bated breath. hope it was rad.
Apr 2 2007, 09:36 AM
Oh! The eggs made me think of moxette's new food for the weekend: cheese and chicken quesadilla. She GOBBLED that shite up. We really don't restrict any food now, except seafood and nuts. My goal is to have her just eat whatever we eat. Not a huge fan of eggs, though...a little envious here of tartlette's great fun with them. She did also take a couple of very consternated steps (MOM...WHY isn't the chair right where I can reach it...Step, Step). Right now, her absolute favorites are: hummus (sun dried tomato), sliced tomaters and blueberries. Not bad, eh? I don't even like sliced tomaters.
Apr 2 2007, 02:55 PM
This job will be great.
Labs (yes, the dog) everywhere. Very flexible. Nice people. Nice office (my very own!--in my last job, in spite of my "Senior Therapist in Social Work" title I didn't have even a desk. That was crap.)
Lots to read, and lots to do, so forgive me for only saying this right now, but thought you'd all like to know.
I owe some of it to you, for encouraging me. Thanks everyone!!!!!!
Apr 2 2007, 03:07 PM
Apr 2 2007, 05:52 PM
omg! It sounds like we've all had major milestones in the past few weeks! Hello mamas!
I had a baby, then monkey toasted our computer so there's been no posting anywhere lately. My mom just left today, so we've survived 7 hours without her...
It's so interesting - Monkey was 1 month early, so Nora is already doing things that it took Cboy forever to accomplish! And in the 2 weeks since we got her home, cboy has decided to start climbing everything in sight and challenging every rule we've set for him. Generally, he's been very good with her, although he's not sure why he's allowed to pat the top of her head but not pat her face!
MrChani has decided to take a temporary job working long hours in a city 1.5 hours away, so I'm going to be single parenting during the weeks and 2 weekends a month for the rest of the year. I understand why he's made that decision, but it still sucks bigtime. However, Monkey has parttime daycare at our nextdoor neighbour's starting tomorrow - thank goddess, because he's getting really bored at home. He keeps trying to go play at the daycare and throws fits when we try to take him back home.
The biggest problem will be trying to get everybody fed during arsenic hour. I bought a small tv/dvd for the kitchen and Monkey will get 30 minutes of TV time while I get dinner I think.
And, if I think I'm going to kill someone, I can always throw them into the car and drive 3 hours to my parent's house!
Anyways, last night wasn't great for sleeping, so I'm going to try to hit the sack early, since Nora decided to skip her usual colicky evening routine.
I'm glad everyone has had good news lately! I've been thinking of you.
Apr 3 2007, 06:41 AM
chani! Welcome back! Welcome Nora! MONKEY...your aunties miss you! Chani, you're a better woman than I for supporting your husband's away-work. When moxieman was up for his recent promotion, I flat out told him weekly travel was not an option, as I "did not sign up for single parenting." Gratefully, neither did he sign up for absentee parenting, and he flatly told the HR folks and his new boss that he isn't interested in criss-crossing the country on new business pitches. Anyway, we had a foodie milestone last night. Moxette had her first cup of chicken noodle soup...at a real diner (not campbells water with noodles). She LOVED it. I don't know why I never thought of it before. Broth, flavor, chicken, carbs and well cooked veggies. What's not to love?
Chani, you keep us up to date on Nora and monkey. Hmmm...we have to think of a name for Nora, although her IRL name is so darn pretty, it seems like a waste not to use it.
Apr 3 2007, 08:16 AM
Chani! Welcome back, indeed! Nora is one of my most favorite names... I second Moxie - there's no way in H-E-double hockeysticks I'd let Tartman take that kind of workload, and you're a mama of two! I think it's a great idea to get Monkey out of the house to bang around with other kids & blow off some steam. Hopefully it'll be enough to help him be a nice, gentle, thoughtful big brother... Is your mum still close enough to give you a break every once in a while?
OMG, Anoushh - dogs in the office?! I have no desire for pets of my own, but when the guy next cube brings in his big fluffy Akita, I am alllllll over her... I think animals in the workplace are awesome. Unless they pee on your laptop. True story from my workstudy days...
Looks like we're over the worst of the teething woes - he slept much better last night, all of it in his crib, with only 2 wakeups to nurse. His fever's still lurking, so I'm letting him nurse all he wants to keep up his fluids. We tried a new sippy this morning (a really basic, handle-less Nuby), and he lovedlovedloved it. Well, he loved chewing on it, anyway. He still hasn't figured out the sucking business on anything other than a nipple... I may have to resign us to going valve-free & wearing a raincoat at the dinner table
Apr 3 2007, 08:36 AM
tart- the valves blow. That being said, the cheap-ass First Kids pack of 5 sippys for like 2 bucks work GREAT. Little to no spill factor, small enough holes that real sucking is needed and small enough for little hands to grasp. For extra fluids at daycare, try a tiny bit of juice (like a splash) with water...goes down like butta for us.
So, we had our 1 year old visit with the doc yesterday. miss moxette is a giant. That's all there is to it...100% for height, and 95 for weight. The kid s almost ready for 18 mos pants. Shirts and onsies, still 9-12 mos...she, like her momma is very long legged and short waisted. With funny feet that will need shoes with straps her whole life. Anyway, we got the go-ahead for all foods except seafood and nuts. Do away with the formula and move towards all milk. Sounds good and cheap to me! After feeding 20+ oz of formula a day for (over!) a year now, the 3.99/gallon of organic milk sounds like a right bargain! He also rearrured me that a stubborn streak about walking is fine, so long as she's showing the skills needed (which she has for months). He also treats my 2 nieces, and its a very small practice, so he remembers that part. And made mention that all of us girls seem a bit stubborn and willful. Hit the nail on the head with that one!
Anyway, slept all night like an angel last night. Hopefully, the teeth are done for a few nights. We could all use the rest!
Apr 3 2007, 09:35 AM
Whoa! Monster Moxette! Tartlet seems downright dainty in comparison... We should do a clothing swap - you can have all the 12-month pants that are draggin' on the ground over here... Seriously, we have him in some 3-6 month pants still! Tartman's college nickname was Stumpy, so no guesses where the short legs are coming from... Tell me about the funny feet, Mox - what's up?
Apr 3 2007, 11:41 AM
ok, so most feet are more or less oval shaped, right? Slightly larger at the ball, but more or less. This is how shoes are designed. My feet, are an isosceles triangle. VERY narrow at the heal, and almost wide at the ball. I have to wear either flip-flops or shoes with straps...loafers are a total no-go.
Apr 4 2007, 07:27 AM
Ok, so I'm eating my words about how great a sleeper the lil guy is. This past week has been difficult. He's been taking about 1-2 hours to get down for the night. He'll fall asleep nursing and wake up when I move. Usually he'll just self-soothe and fall back asleep but lately he's been screaming bloody murder until hubby or I pick him up and rock him some more. It's partly our fault I guess 'cuz the last 2 nights we haven't been home exactly at 7pm when he usually gets tired and we start the routine. We really didn't want to become slaves to the schedule and were hoping for a flexible boy but I guess he's running the show, not us.
It's also really bad for naps during the day. He won't nap for longer than 30 mins in his crib or Pack'n'Play but will nap for an hour or more in my arms or in bed with me. While I love taking naps with him, some days it's just not feasible and I don't want him to become dependent on me being there with him to nap. Any suggestions? Anyone else have this problem or success with napping? BTW lil man is about 15 weeks now.
Apr 4 2007, 08:02 AM
jas- he's so wee...this is totally completely normal. Months 3-5 were very rough for sleeping and naps. Baby is going through growth spurts, learning routine, dependence/independnce, etc. Just stick to developing a routine, and if all else fails, nap together. Make that less and less "normal" as you move forward, and he'll learn. He's just starting to be able to self sooth, and its a skill that takes months at best to really get down pat. You're doing fine! At 4 mos, it took me a good 30-40 min of post-bottle rocking to get moxette to sleep...by 6 mos it was about 10 min, and now about 30 seconds. It does get better, I swear!
Apr 4 2007, 08:35 AM
mox is right - it's early days. you'll work things out.
if you think about the fact that a fifteen-week-old's "day" is about three hours long (until he needs to nap), then it becomes more understandable why delaying the usual bedtime could have catastrophic results. we chose to run our lives around bedtime in the early days, and i got heaps of flack about it from just about everyone i knew, but we also had a reliably sleeping boy (which doesn't mean he never woke up crying...). something to think about...at least if you're going to be late, be prepared for a rough haul
poor mox! i feel your pain as i have a similar (but sounds like less annoying) problem (i just have really narrow feet and can't wear ANY clogs, mules, backless, or chunky shoes or shoes that run wide, like danskos, birkenstocks, earth, pretty much all the comfortable shoes, doc martens, etc).
chani, good luck with the semi-single parenting.
anoushh, does it continue to rock?
the bean says "The moo-moo buys balloons and balloons go up!" (the moo-moo=grandma)
Apr 4 2007, 08:54 AM
I'm totally fine with going with the wee man's schedule but I don't want to become a schedule Nazi. My sis-in-law is like that with her lil ones and it gets frustrating (ie never can see her past 7:30- 8pm or around 1-4pm during day). Usually it's not a big deal and we're home for bedtime but Monday & yesterday were Passover seders so we had to be at family's for dinner time. I'll make more of an effort to be home around 7pm with the lil one.
As far as naps go, I figured it would take some more time. The thing that gets me is that he naps so well if I lie down with him and so crappy without me. I worry that we'll be 3 years from now with another bebe and I'll still be laying in bed with the babes. Actually, doesn't sound so bad after all!
Maybe we'll hit the lotto and can hire a maid and chef. <wakes up from dreamland>
Apr 4 2007, 09:18 AM
yeah, so moxette's first holiday was easter, at 3 weeks old. We left early. We left Christmas early. We leave any family gathering that creeps into bedtime early. There's only so much a routine-driven baby can handle. Nazi or not. Does the Passover seder have a ritual start time? We've started planning events to start earlier, so that we all can have fun. And/or, we put moxette down wherever we are. Bring the pack and play with you! Do bath, snuggles, etc at gramma's house?
Apr 4 2007, 09:40 AM
ya know, i really think the easiest thing to lose sight of as a new mama is time...as in the fact that time passes and things change. not that one can't choose to be more or less flexible about routine - but you can also 'be a nazi' about schedules for the time when it really matters (the first 6 mo-year) and then relax when the kid can handle it. we took the bean out to dinner in january until 11 pm and he was great. part of the reason, i'm convinced, was that his schedule IS so predictable that he can occasionally roll with a change. but when a child is so little that you're still establishing routine, it's a lot harder. and i think it's really important to remember that prioritizing schedule when the baby is young doesn't make you a nazi any more than prioritizing feeding the baby age-appropriate foods would.
just my $.02. but then i'm neither a laissez-faire parent nor a particularly spontaneous person....
ETA: right on, mox. we just arrange with my mom to have holiday dinners at one-ish rather than evening - and he does nap at her house. pushing it is so not worth it.
Apr 4 2007, 01:18 PM
Such good advice as always. I've been thinking a lot about sleep stuff lately. (Well, ok, I've been thinking about sleep stuff for the last six months. Big surprise.) And time, like gren says. It's hard to keep a perspective sometimes when your tired, overwhelmed, etc. It really is a short time, but it can feel very long in certain moments.
One of the things I think that makes it harder is that without realizing we've all been given so many images of how a baby "should" sleep, and they are totally unrealistic. Either television or movies (I might have thrown a brick at the tv if there'd been one handy a couple of months ago when I was watching a dvd of Gilmore Girls and Sookie was all bright and cheery a week after the baby was born, he's sleeping peacefully, blah, blah. Yeah, right. Plus, they had a nasty and stupid portrayal of midwives. But I digress.)
Anyway, I feel I constantly struggle with the expectations set by society, myself, and others (including our ped, I fear--really got to see about changing) that the baby do what we want it to do--sleep, by himself, for a long time--before he's ready. I mean, at our four month appointment he was lecturing me (well, it felt like lecturing) about how if I held the baby to get him to sleep every time, he'd never learn to fall asleep on his own. I mean, he had no idea about what kind of sleep he did, what his patterns were, etc. He just knew, b/c he asked, that I typically held him till he fell asleep.
As mox has just said, the time needed to do that has naturally decreased, and I can often now put him down when he's almost asleep and have him fall asleep on his own, esp if my hand is on him. What did he want me to do--lay him down and let him scream till he wore himself out? Not the kind of relationship I want with my child, and it's what he would have done then.
(HE didn't come off as this kind of doctor when I first met him, but things feel like they've really changed. I can't help but be suspicious that he has something against me b/c I'm fat. I mean, his big campaign in life is preventing childhood obesity--volunteer work, column in the paper--all good work, very reasonable, important stuff, but I wonder if he gets into being one of those "all fat people are lazy" kind of mentalities and is expecting that I'll be giving the kid kool-aid and pop-tarts for breakfast. In reality i'm a vegetarian who has very strong opinions about not giving kids junk, not sitting in front of the tv, etc. )
Anyway, I think I just have to be more patient with him--notbob, I mean, not the doctor. Last night he was fed at midnight, then woke up at 3:45 and I tried to help him get back to sleep and I just kept having to get up and put the pacifier back in his mouth, put my hand on him, etc. I knew he couldn't be that hungry in just that amount of time. I was so tired I just put him in bed with me finally and he basically slept until 6:30 or so. Pretty darn good. So why was I in such a hurry to make sure he sleeps in his crib all the time? So what if he sleeps with me now and then. We make sure it's all safe, etc. He'll grow up soon enough. (He's almost 6 months now--I mean,how did that happen?)
I think a lot of this mental battle is also about my coming to terms with the lack of independence a child creates in your life. You are, of course, at their beck and call at this age. It's normal, it's what needs to be, but that doesn't make it easy.
Speaking of which, he needs me, so I'm off. There's more I was going to say, but it'll have to wait.
PS--job is going to be very good, yes. Downside is that it is in a building that has a couple of restaurants and I hear "thump, thump, thump" all day of music through the wall. But I stream Radio 4 BBC and all is well.
Apr 4 2007, 01:33 PM
As always, You ladies rock my world.
I guess my fear in being strict with schedules is that I'd ALWAYS have to be strict. I have no problems with being militant in the routine for the first year or so. (As a matter of fact, one of hubby and my first fights post-baby was that hubby wasn't following the bedtime ritual exactly to my liking. seems silly now but it was life or death at the time!
) I find myself falling into the habit of thinking that however things are today that's how they'll always be. I need to keep reminding myself that babies are exceptionally changable and that tomorrow may be a whole new ballgame. Hubby and I are very laidback people and I hope the lil one will eventually be easygoing as well. I need to just be a little more structured for now, for the bebe's well-being I guess.
My other worry is that Friday is my bday and we'll be having a sitter for the 1st time. I'm hoping that the babe will go to bed without too many problems and stay asleep for the sitter. Hubby and I will be catching a movie after 7pm, so we'll put the lil man to bed before sitter gets here. Still, feeling freaked out about a complete stranger alone in my house with my baby. And no nanny cam!!
Oh and Mox, Passover is supposed to start at sundown and it's this huge, looooong ceremony with dinner. We actually skipped thru most of the ceremony part and got down to dinner pretty quickly. We also skipped dessert the 2nd night after we had so much drama the 1st night we missed bedtime. 2nd night went much better with bedtime, we got him down after about 30 mins or so. Yeah, from now on dinner early or at our house so we can get lil man down on time!
Apr 4 2007, 02:04 PM
I also have to keep reminding myself that babies have no internal sense of limits--to them whatever is now is all-consuming and will be forever. So it makes sense that externally imposed structure would be extra important right now, until they can start to do it themselves. And of course so they can learn by example.
Apr 4 2007, 02:32 PM
jas, have you considered having the sitter come for an hour or two in the afternoon before friday, so you can see how it goes/be in and out? new babysitters are always nerve-wracking, and you might feel more comfortable this way. it might also help the baby get at least a tiny bit familiar with this person.
maybe you do always have to be strict with schedules, but i think what you can get away with changes. when kids are bigger, they can totally handle going somewhere for dinner and passing out on the couch or whatever. but i see families who expect babies to just roll with anything and then wonder why the baby is cranky/fussy/unpredictable and i just have to roll my eyes (i see these families close up as my cousin and a friend in town have babies just a bit older than mine and are both doing the Chaos Theory version of parenting, both complain about it all the time, both think i'm a nazi, etc., but i'm starting to think they just kind of suck. on this point).
anoushh, maybe the fact that babies are so in the now is what makes us so worried that This Will Last Forever -- we're empathizing too much. the more i think about the amount of time i spent worrying about sleep the first year, the more i'm sure i'm never going to do that again. #2 is going to get the regular bedtime WITHOUT the fretting on my part.
Apr 4 2007, 02:59 PM
QUOTE(grenadine @ Apr 4 2007, 08:49 PM)
anoushh, maybe the fact that babies are so in the now is what makes us so worried that This Will Last Forever -- we're empathizing too much. the more i think about the amount of time i spent worrying about sleep the first year, the more i'm sure i'm never going to do that again. #2 is going to get the regular bedtime WITHOUT the fretting on my part.
That's a good point--makes a lot of sense.
I meant to say that also family, friends, and complete strangers telll us things to expect about baby sleeping and behaviour that are also totally unrealistic. I think they forget, never knew, or don't account for individual babies differences (not to mention the disconnect b/c what they are doing and the problems baby is having, like being cranky when he doesn't get to sleep at a decent time, etc.)
Chaos Theory of parenting--I like that. (Or, I hate it, but I like the descriptive term.)
Apr 4 2007, 03:41 PM
gren- I really wish I could have the sitter over before Friday night. She's a med student and busy on rotations during the day plus I work Friday afternoons. Yeah, I'm a bit nervous all around. It doesn't help that the hubby just told me today that he set up a sitter for us. I'm pretty sure he hasn't even met her. His theory is that she's a med student so she must be a good person. I keep thinking Hannibal Lecter was a doctor. So was Dr. Jekyll, and wasn't there a theory that Jack the Ripper was medical too?!?!?!
Apr 4 2007, 03:55 PM
anoushh...well, of course! and it's important to be able to be in the now (not something that comes naturally to me) with a baby. back to your earlier point about being "profiled" by different health people, etc. - it sucks. i get it all the time because i'm suzie wong and the bean is a gerber baby. it's annoying. the worst is moms at the playground who've obviously adopted their daughters from china. once i got really fed up and just said, "He adopted ME from china, okay?"
jas, it doesn't sound to me like you're comfortable with this. you might want to think of other things you could do, like have a relative stop by, etc. personally, i wouldn't do it - i felt it was prudent to meet the babysitter for an interview, check references, and have the babysitter come when i was there (or my mom was there 'training' her) before leaving her alone with my kid. and she turned out to be fine...but the training did help!
a lot of people are more laissez-faire than i, tho. my personal point of view is "it's so important that this not get fucked up that it's worth taking a few simple precautions that seem over-conscientious to some." we all know bad things do happen - but they often don't have to. maybe you need to figure out what sits right with you.
"Anyway, I feel I constantly struggle with the expectations set by society, myself, and others..."
anoushh, i know how you feel. i feel i constantly tell others to step off my parenting. this caused a rift between me and Chaos Theory friend for a while - she wouldn't give my 12 week old back to me when he was crying and i asked because she thought i was "overprotective" - but i can't find it in me to regret it.
Apr 4 2007, 04:46 PM
I think you are being beyond reasonable to say that you need to have met her first, jas. If something happened, how would you feel telling other people "well, we'd never actually met her before, but we thought it would be ok....."
I don't think anything will happen, but I'm with gren on the better safe than sorry parenting.
Apr 4 2007, 05:21 PM
Yeah, jas...i'd try for a gramma or auntie or cousin as a first sitter. To this date, the only person who hasn't been biologically related to moxette to babysit is my brother's fiancee. I would be terribly skeeved out by it.
Apr 4 2007, 06:08 PM
I just can't do it!
I don't feel right about not having met this person that I'm supposed to entrust the most valuable and important (not to mention irreplaceable) being in my life. I talked with hubby and he's going to call her and cancel. He thinks I'm being irrational in wanting to meet her first and thinks that no babysitter would agree to meet first before babysitting. I honestly don't care though. I'm going with my gut. I wish I had a relative nearby to help out in times like this. My parents and brothers are all out of state. The only relatives nearby have a bunch of kids of their own so we don't feel right asking them to leave their kids to watch ours. Anyways, the safety and health of my babe is more important than some stupid movie.
Apr 4 2007, 06:34 PM
as a full-time babysitter for four years and part-time for six, i can tell you that your husband is completely wrong. the standard practice (at least in new york and california) is to meet the babysitter once for an interview (with child AND parent), check refs, and then do a sitting date. about half the parents i sat for had me come for a paid time when they were there the first time (they would be working in the next room, getting things done, etc.) as a parent, my experience confirms this. i interviewed several babysitters when we were looking and none of them begrudged the interview time. any good babysitter will EXPECT to be interviewed and not bat an eyelash at the "trial" paid time afterwards, if you do that.
i actually think your husband is the one being irrational. you are acting based on logic and common sense. he is acting based on the irrational desire that "it'll all be ok" with no reasonable basis for that assumption. sure, things would probably be fine. but what kind of parents have never even met their babysitter? that's just weird.
and yeah, mox, that's why i lean so heavily on my mom...i know she loves him, and i know her well enough to know what to expect from her.
Apr 4 2007, 06:38 PM
So, lets say you came home and the sitter was gone with the baby. (Not trying to freak you out, I swear.) He wouldn't feel the least bit weird or stupid or horrified to say to the police "no, we'd never, ever met her before we left the baby with her...."
Um, no way.
I think he's out of his mind, to be honest. The baby comes first. That means other things will have to give. I don't expect to see a movie for the next, well, looonnnng while. Of course we all need to have a bit of a life outside the baby, but that means within reason and good judgment, of course.
Of course wanting to meet the person you leave your child with first is reasonable. As is getting references, etc. I'd do that for my dog, let alone my child.
Oh, and you can remind him that Harold Shipman
was a respected and some say beloved family practitioner. I'd be furious with him for this attitude if it was me, Jas. I think you are being totally, totally, totally reasonable.
ETA--I agree w/ gren that your husband is being irrational. I agree with everything that she and mox have said, in fact.
Notbob has a rash. We just got back from the doctor and he said "nonspecific viral rash." Ok, that at least means nothing more serious. He doesn't seem too bad in how he feels, but it doesn't look very comfortable, poor guy.
He cried when he saw the ped, too. First time he's done that. But overall not too bad for him. He seemed to enjoy the car ride.
Apr 5 2007, 05:26 AM
you know what jas...I remember when I was growing up in the next town immediately west of you (yeah the D!) when we didn't even have to lock our doors at night. My mom STILL interviewed and "mom's helper" styled a babysitter before leaving us alone with her. And it was the teenager next door neighbor. Make sure your husband understands that its not "leaving" the baby that you're uncomfortable with, but rather leaving the bebe with a stranger. They call it "stranger danger" for a reason. Would he put the bebe in a daycare sight unseen? Probably not. Same thing applies here.
Yowza, we had a rough night last night. No signs of a tooth in the evening, but come the normal midnight sleep cycle "waking" (which usually entails about 2 minutes of babble to Bunny), CRAZY owie crying. Motrin, baba, cuddles, the works. We knew it was a tooth (as opposed to a nightmare or slight manipulation of momma) when I picked her up and she started gnawing on my shoulder. This will make 3 teeth in as many weeks. Ouch.
SO, today, is like a Friday. Jas- more passover celebrations this week? Anyone here christian enough to do Easter for real? We're having ham and cheesy taters at the MIL's, where Auntie has promised to hide eggs for the moxette.
Apr 5 2007, 06:24 AM
The sad thing is, Mox, that I think he would have left the lil guy at daycare without checking it out first. I, and the daycare, insisted that we come in to look around first then fill out paperwork. This whole situation is actually really making me question his parenting, which is very unfortunate. He's a great Daddy but I'm now nervous about some of his judgment calls. I know that it all stems from his own parenting. He's told me stories that are shocking (ie. sending the kids to school in dirty/ill-fitting clothes/shoes, waiting to call a doctor when a sibling had a broken limb or was visibly dehydrated, leaving a 12 year old home alone while going out of the country!!). By the way hubby and his brothers tell it, it's somewhat of a miracle that all 7 of them survived to adulthood relatively unscathed.
Anyways, enough of that. No more Passover celebrations. Tomorrow's my bday, kind of a milestone one too. I'm a bit miffed that hubby didn't take the initiative to plan something well in advance and instead scrambled in this boneheaded way to try to celebrate. He's working all weekend too. Guess I'll be home alone with the bebe. Not sure what we'll do yet. Maybe I'll get some Cadbury Creme Eggs and have a party for one. I love those darn things!!
Apr 5 2007, 07:15 AM
jas- it sounds like maybe we have all been a bit too hard on your mister. His learning curve seems to be steeper, but he has good intentions, which is better than alot of folks can say. Just cause we're the mama's doesn't automatically mean the papa's are bad or stupid or whatever. Sorry for that. On the good side, he wants to spend QT with his wife on her birthday; he remembers that you two are a couple in need of each other and time away from the bebe. Those are both very admirable qualities. Now, time to find a good, reliable sitter. Maybe the JCC has a good list?