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oh, you aren't scary at all! I guess the old liberal-arts machine in me tries to look for connections accross experiences.
Wow. What great stuff on here today.

I love you guys. *drunken sounding sob*

Ok, it's the cereal. He slept so much better last night with a bit of cereal before bedtime. It's amazing.

I swear, yesterday, after hardly sleeping all night, he slept a grand total of about 1 hour and 45 minutes all day. Yep, amazing no sleep boy.

Anyway, I just have so many thoughts on what everyone's posted today I don't even know where to start. And of course notbob is going to wake up and need something any second. So can I just say you all rock? Yes, I can.

You all rock. Hard.

As for the sex drive, I think us being older parents has a part, too. In us not having much of a sex life at all, I mean. And the mister is working stupid hours as usual, so that never helps. I just hope someday I will be able to have sex again. (By which I mean intercourse. Other things are sex too, and awfully nice, but I want my options.) Fingers crossed the gyno has something good--and not prohibitively expensive--to offer me next week.

I didn't choose to bottle feed, which frankly is still causing me some sadness. It was a necessity.

Part of me says "just get over it already." I don't want to wallow in self pity, but I don't want to deny my feelings, either. I think acknowledging your feelings is very different than wallowing (in spite of what popular culture tries to tell us so often), and very important.

I guess I'm just tired of feeling this way and wish it was never an issue. Not that I don't think there would have been a whole other set of challenges and difficult feelings if I'd breastfed, b/c I know there would.

And tart--you are so not an awful parent, or whatever it was you were telling yourself.

Sometimes I just don't know what he wants, and you try everything that makes sense at the time. I have those "why didn't I think of that before" moments, too. I think there's a constant dance b/w your own sense of self and your self as a parent and the lines move and sometimes you get muddled and confused and frankly that's just how it is. I think it's inherent in the dance. And what works one time may not work at all the next--how are you to know that suddenly everything is different?

I think if you are certain about what you are doing as a parent, that's worrisome. YOu don't need to worry yourself to death, but no worry at all means no reflection on your parenting and that's scary.

(Does that make any sense?)

Has anyone read "Why Love Matters: How Affection Shapes a Baby's Brain"?

I love this book. It seemed like something people here might like, so though I'd mention it. Doesn't talk down at all, very well written, and fascinating stuff.
Here's an interesting review of it in the Guardian newspaper,00.html

(though the article mentions "margaret" ainsworth, when I'm sure it means Mary Ainsworth.)

It's weird how as a society we are so obsessed with not "spoiling" babies, to the point of every new parent being inundated with stupid advice about how infants should just be allowed to cry or else they'll be "spoiled" etc, and yet at the same time we encourage super indulgent, non limit setting parenting for older kids.

And why don't we worry half as much about the problems of disturbed attachment, which are pretty damn scary, too.

Not exactly about parenting, but I read Strange Piece of Paradise by Terri Jentz recently. She writes about being attacked by a man with an ax while she and a friend were on a cross country bike trip in 1977. It happened here in Oregon, so it felt close to home for me. I was dubious about her being able to sustain my interest for a book's length on this subject, but turned out to be fascinating. No one was ever arrested or convicted, and after many years she decides to go back to the area to look into it. She ends up doing major investigative work and comes to a strong conclusion about a suspect, and finds that everyone in town pretty much suspected him at the time.

The way it's related to this topic is in his own parenting. She keeps hearing "he'll never confess while his parents are alive." It becomes clear that his parents were the "my child is never wrong, never at fault, never responsible" kind of parents. They set no limits on his narcissism, therefor he never developed any. Other people were things, to be used for his benefit or that stood in his way--that's all.

It got me to thinking about why we don't worry more about this. There was recently an article that reported the results of a study as meaning that attempts to instill kids with good self esteem had turned out to be harmful and they had too much self esteem.

What bullshit. Telling a kid he/she's valuable/worthwhile/important/etc is not the same as telling them that they have no responsibility to any one else in the world, and that there are no limits. Really, really pissed me off.

My little man is waking up. (He's actually slept more than 15 minutes! Whoohoo!) That means I have to go.
Gads no, Mox, don't apologize for being teh sexxxor! It gives those of us with waning/non-existant libidos hope & inspiration!

My drive has fluctuated wildly over the course of my life, so this dry spell isn't anything I'm terribly concerned about, save its impact on Tartman (who I imagine lying awake at night sometimes going "hey, what happened to the woman who gave me a private a striptease to the SuperFly soundtrack?")... Once we move back home & have multiple grandparents to absorb some of Tartlet's energy, I fully expect to get back on the proverbial horse... both of us working at home, with Tartlet at daycare, certainly will open up to opportunities for a little desktop lovin'...

Crossposted with Anoushh: awwww, bless, we love you too... *sloppy drunken smooch*
anoushh, you have every right to acknowledge being sad about not being able to BF. nobody here's tired of listening to you. i think having that choice taken away would be devastating.

and that book sounds interesting; i'll check it out.

i think i will find the mr. sexier when he gets a job. but that's for another thread. (he's a student now, and he's been doing a lot more childcare, but the learning curve is...steep.)

speaking of narcissism and spoiled kids...i am realising how easy it is to spoil your toddler! as a longtime babysitter and observer of toddlers, i've always deplored parents who give in to their temper tantrums...but now that the bean has decided, at 19 months, that he's two, i feel their pain. the wrenching cries that formerly meant "i really need help" now mean "i want mama now, not you, dad," or "i'm mad because my balloon is out of reach" or "give me some more !&~@%^&% rice snacks or i'll napalm this whole place!"
sigh. it's so hard when they go from crying-as-communication to crying-as-manipulation. the bean was really very sunny and into words for a while. now he's into "NO NO NO" and being pissy about not getting his way.
i remain, however, determined not to raise a monster...

ETA, OT: i feel absurdly giddy and delighted to share that the habermas book i requested is now waiting for me at the library! whoo! i've got a boner for critical theory! (maybe that's what killed my sex drive..)
"give me some more !&~@%^&% rice snacks or i'll napalm this whole place!"

Doesn't that just sum it up at our place too! My husband and his family have really disordered eating, and it's a constant battle with him to emphasize that just because a toddler wants a cookie doesn't mean he gets a cookie. And just because he banged his head doesn't mean he gets a cookie. And just because you're tired and he's whiney doesn't mean he gets a cookie!
On the sexdrive topic - breastfeeding actually puts you into a menopause-like state hormonally, so it's not surprising if your sex drive is low. But we all know biology doesn't dictate libido!
Chaniboy refused a bottle for a long time too. When I went back to work at 7 mo he got fed with an eyedropper at the sitters, and he got no boob at home until he'd taken 2 oz from the bottle. After about 2 weeks he finally got the picture, but then decided not to breastfeed anymore!
Ok , I have no idea where else to put this so maybe some of you may feel where I'm coming from.

This strange fantasy of leaving my kids with my husband for 24-48 hrs hit me today. Seriously. I need to go to a hotel, check in with a computer and some bacardi and just chill out and write for a bit. Or just chill out and drink. I dunno.

I was totally fine being a SAHM these days but I'm starting to miss my so called hipster self that flew the coop last year. I miss shows, and I miss getting drunk(though not the hangovers).

I have few friends these days because either they've relocated across the country, disappeared into domestic life in the suburbs(not knocking it, just that my longtime best friend is about to be a mother of three and she no longer has time for me-pretty much ever), or they're former work friends, or they're an ex bf(I talk to HIM more then anyone these days). I'm pretty hard up these days.

So now I need a break. ugh. I love my kids and I love the button more then anything, but damn do I need to get the hell away for a bit. My husband has his band and shows and boys nights and I don't even have a damn thing resembling a girls night cause most of those aforementioned friends ARE boys! gahhh

Ok so I needed to vent.

That and I think our local starbucks is slowly trying to kill me. I always ask for decaf yet today I'm convinced they gave me regular caf, my brain is going to pop out of my head. Along with my chest. aghh
why not leave them with your husband? my mom left us with my dad for a weekend when each of us was weaned. sounds reasonable to me. i dunno about the ex thing, that sounds muuuurky. don't do anything out of desperation...

i had an interesting moment a while ago where the eye candy i had a fling with for a couple of months immediately before meeting the mr. was at an art opening where i was bartending and invited me back to his loft for a party...i recognised it was the stuff of intrigue. but the reality was i went for 20 minutes and was bored. i felt very much that i had acceded to another realm than the single, partying crowd...
Ok, I have a dilemma.

There is a job I"m interested at a place very like the research place I worked before, so I have some good experience with it. It's part time with benefits.

It was listed in the paper Sunday (and maybe the week before--honestly I don't know) and I went to look on the website--as directed--but it wasn't showing up. I wrote to them and it wasn't functioning until Wednesday afternoon. Unfortunately, they haven't extended the deadline, which is still Friday at 5.
It's 20 hours per week--with benefits.

Part of me says we are desperate for any additional income so we can buy a house and get settled. The fact that we are older parents makes this even more important to me. I could do the job and I might even like it. Pay isn't great, but not as bad as other things around here.

The thing is, I could kill myself trying to get the application done by tomorrow, but I"m not even sure I'm ready to go back to work. On the other hand, when will this kind of chance come up again?

Again, though, I'm by far the primary caregiver for notbob due to his dad's stupid long hours. What makes me think I can manage a job w/o going crazy?

I don't know what to do. I know many of you had jobs to go back to after you had the sprogs. When did you go back and what's it been like?
Wow! Quick decision time, eh?
I went back at 7 months by necessity, which actually felt ok for me. Baby was more social and starting to have some independence at that time, and seemed to like being with his babysitter and her daughter.
The most important thing will be the flexibility of your hours. For me, working a few hours each day is easier than working a couple of long days. That will depend, though, on your daycare options. Make sure, as well, that you price out what you'll spend in expenses because daycare is really expensive and you may not come out much ahead at the end of the month.
Having said that though, I like working part time! Chaniboy gets the social milieu of daycare to get him out of the house, so he's less bored and inclined to trouble when he's at home. I get some adult time and an even sharper appreciation for the time I spend with him.
anoushh, i interviewed for my current job when the bean was three weeks old and started teaching when he was six weeks old. it was soon, and the job was also only part-time then (it's full-time now), and the sleep dep (keep in mind we were still in the up-every-two-hours phase) was tough. but in many ways it was good.

notbob has just started sleeping longer stretches, this is a job that might fit your needs, and with any luck, between your mom and perhaps some daycare swap, you could get notbob taken care of. and if you don't mind my saying so, i get the distinct impression you could use some other stimulation besides being a mama (not that that's not plenty to occupy a person). i say go for it.

just keep in mind that 1)it's not ever worth it if you truly think of it as "killing yourself" to get something done, 2)it's not worth it if experientially it's not at least rewarding enough that you don't regret putting notbob in daycare, and 3)you don't have to TAKE the job or STAY there if you do take it; you're just creating an opportunity (an opportunity that perhaps you could get your mom to cover on a short-term basis...couldn't you?)

good luck!

ETA: and if eugene is not full of opportunities for hippie daycare swapping with other mamas, i'll eat my hat. craigslist?
1. i'd weigh the overall benefit to your whole family (econoimic, interpersonal, emotional) WHIST you apply. If it turns out that you can't do it, well, no harm no foul. If you don't apply, you might regret it.

2. As horrible as this will sound, I never really wanted to breastfeed. I would have- and would have probably enjoyed it in the long run - but it wasn't something i was sad not to do. There, bad mom...killing my kid softly b/c i'm a selfish prat. Did I tow the "anti-bottle" line properly? (insert my own defensive quality and seeming inability to be 110% OK with what I knew was the right decision for all of us even in the face of a remarkable thriving girl in my house) I am in serious mourning over the quickly diminishing need for my time and cuddles and the bottle, though. In my own way, in my own experience, its very sad.
Side: I have a neighbor who is pregnant with her first. She's a registered dietitian, and even did lactation consulting for a time. She's terrified of telling ANY of her work friends that she doesn't feel compelled or a desire to breastfeed. At least I had the "horrific labor and operation" excuse...that woman-to-woman fear is bad, bad, bad.

3. I went back to work at 9 weeks. It was so difficult, that I went part time until January (6 mos, about). Now, working from home is about to end, and I'm really sad again that I'm going to miss the early morning sunshine.

4. Daycare, the frequent colds aside, has been wonderful for our family. But, we have a center we really agree with, and have gotten to know the other parents too.

Ok, off to the office.

Oh, Charli- we all talked quite a bit a few months ago about mourning the life "pre-babe." The short and long of it was we all mourned the life pre-babe. Take the days to yourself. I'd think as a SAHM, you'd need it even more!
anoushh! where are you! we're all hanging on the edge of our chairs wondering what's going on...
(maybe you're frantically completing the ap in between poopy diaps, though, so i'll lay off the nagging).

mox, i'm glad you are able to state your truth. i know you've felt tremendous pressure not to.

i wonder how your neighbor would feel if she were in a position of less social pressure (and less acutely aware of the benefits of BF). in other words, i wonder if it's really BF she's loathe to do or if that's just one aspect of childrearing she can have control over.
i have long suspected that we in the anglo-american countries get negative messages about BF (i know i did) from the media - often it doesn't fit our image of the feminist career woman, for example. the following statistics are from kellymom:

Country % of mothers who start % who continue 6 months or longer
Sweden 98 53
Norway 98 50
Canada 80 24
Britain 63 21
United States 57 20

of course, some of the difference can be explained by the healthcare/maternal leave system, but i wonder if the rest of it can't be attributed to the massive formula campaigns (still distributed free in 90+% of U.S. hospitals!), the 'ick' factor (as in "ew, breastfeeding is gross), and the 'freedom' factor (as in 'why would you want to be tied down like that?'). all of which, i might add, could be seen as linked to a basic discomfort with womanhood that we have in the u.s., britain, and canada...

i just don't think we can divorce people's decisions from culture, particularly a culture of powerful negative messages sponsored by both male hegemony and economic super-corporations. and as someone who grew up in the u.s. of a., i know that the message i have always received about anything exclusively the province of woman was the undermining and antifeminist 'bad, dirty, shameful, or at the very least embarrassing/frivolous.' which probably has a lot to do with the fact that i never planned to have kids in the first place.
Ok, not going well. I haven't had a shower for two days--three if you count today--he didn't get to sleep until after 10 last night, and I didn't until after 11. He was up at 2 and kicked and such for 45 minutes. I was hoping it was gas and would sort it self out. Eventually he decided he was hungry and got very fussy. Fed him and and back to sleep around 3. Then he woke up at 4:45 sobbing. I thought he might just need some comforting, but that did not do the trick at all, so got a bottle. He had about 2-3 ounces and back to sleep around 5:15. Then at 6:30 he's wide awake again. (It's just past 7 here.)

All this after a day that he basically did not sleep all day. (Unless you count a couple of 5 or 10 minute naps.)

He was also pretty needy and fussy most of the day. Watching him I'm wondering if he's starting to feel teething discomfort.

My mom has offered to watch him today, but honestly, I did not need this. I'm tired, cranky, and feeling time pressured even more than before.


What happened to the magic cereal?

PS--thanks for all the feedback. Very much appreciated.
i'm sorry, anoushh. not the right day for it, for sure. (although it sounds like my whole first 3-6 months working, so i'm not sure how much i should gloss over the fact that many times working as a new mom is a comedy of this kind of error...)

courage, anyway. take a deep breath and drink a Big Gulp of coffee...your mom will take care of him, you will get the thing done, it will be over. i'd definitely agree with the theory that bad sleep engenders bad sleep, though, so if there's anything your mom can do to trick him into passing out (the bean was a sucker for the front carrier, though notbob is maybe a bit heavy for that, the stroller, or any conveyance, really) for a while, it might help you all later...
maybe she can walk him to the store to get gripe water! and then soak him in it!

good luck, again!

(ETA: for a baby that young many people have recommended frozen wet washcloths, frozen formula/milk cubes, etc. for teething discomfort...maybe worth a shot)

Take your mum up on her offer, if you haven't already - get a shower & a few hours to yourself, then bang out that application. The ladies, as always, are most wise - you can always decline the offer if it looks like it will be a less-than-ideal situation.

I went back to work at 3 months, and I was very un-PC in my giddyness to do so. I loved being with Tartlet, and I miss him every day, but I'd reached the point where I needed some space for myself. Sure, it's a crap desk job, but I can email & drink my coffee & talk to adults, and I am so much more appreciative of my time with Tartlet, now that it's limited.

We were very fortunate to find affordable childcare in our neighborhood - $175/week, full time, if anyone's interested in data points. It's a lot of money, but my income + free health insurance was too much to lose completely. I think the timing was really good - I was ready for some space, and Tartlet was young enough to still be pretty flexible in his attachments - two days in daycare & he was completely sold on the idea. He loves getting there in the morning & playing with all the kids his age, but is ready to go home when I come & pick him up at night. He naps so much better there than he ever does at home (see previous post). Starting at a new daycare is the part of our impending move that has me the most concerned - he's made so many friends here, it's hard knowing he'll have to start over again.

Anyway, the long & the short is this: I agree with Gren that it sounds like you are ready for a change, and I think some time away from our wee ones can actually make us better mothers in the long run. Finding affordable childcare will be the lynchpin - we have childcare resource centers in Chicago & in my hometown that proved invaluable, I'm sure Portland has something similar. Deep breath, good luck, and keep us posted!

(and if there's one thing that 11 months of motherhood has taught me, there ain't no magic anything... dry.gif )
oh annoush- that blows. the good sleep thing wasn't consistent until moxette was 8-9 months old, honestly. Some nights were gold, some were dark ugly tar. It DOES get better.

Gren, I think my own reluctance to want to breastfeed was about giving up control (i tend to be a Type A...) and sharing all of parenting with my partner. PLus, I know my own limits and tolerances for the energy-sleep-pissy-nature, and I had a distinct feeling that I might resent my child strongly if I didn't give up that control. Then, my labor struggle really did wear me out totally, and I just couldn't. In general, my support goes whole heartedly to whatever makes the family as a whole happy, comforted and safe together. My own truth is my own. I'm not so sure about the "everything feminine must be icky" uber hegemony cultural critical theory affect everything route. Perhaps that's why I didn't do so well in critical theory coursework...hmmm...
now where did i recently hear some person snidely referring to "the kind of people who constantly use words like 'hegemony'? (radio? tv? here?) hee. i have gone over to the dark side...

oh, mox. you don't have to be sure about it - and i'm certainly not trying to get you to reframe your experience in the context of my ideas. however, some people may find it a helpful way to think about things in cultural context. i do.
Yeah, I know it's a perfectly normal night for a baby his age. I just could have done with it being a different night, like tomorrow.

Anyway, I've grabbed a bit more sleep (the mister didn't have to go to work before dawn for a change, so he took him for a bit and mom has him now) am going to take a shower, and then the application.

If anything I think that yes, this has proven that I am ready for a bit of a change. I"m conflicted about it, but that's pretty well par for the course in mama land.

If I don't get any response to my application, I'm going to be so irritated though. dry.gif

Thanks again. Will report back when I can.

Ok, done. Actually two done, as when I went to the website to do some last minute checking I saw they had another posting (just re-posted) that I am totally qualfied for (essentially the job I was doing just before I left for the UK) and that pays a bit more. It's got the potential for more hours--up to 30, and I don't want to do more than 20 ideally at the moment--but I could live with it.

I'd rather be doing a job directly in my field, but unless I set up a private practice (which I may do someday, but not now) it's so financially unrewarding so as not to be worth it. Opportunities here are so limited. (We really, really need a national health care system, to state the obvious.)

(Am I the only one who finds tights bought according the the size and weight chart on the package are always too big for me? I knew I wasn't that big. I'd forgotten, though, and bought some that are too big. Damn and blast.)

Childcare would be my mom. I am great with that and she is determined not to let some "stranger" get the kid. I'm fine with that at his age. When he's older regular daycare will be good for him, but he's just a baby now, and if we can save the money now, I'm all for it.

And I totally agree that time away can actually make us better parents. I've always thought I'd be dying to go back to work, and am surprised at how reluctant I am (though I think part of that is new job nerves, but not all.)

Problem is, when they go somewhere.... But one problem at a time, right?

Thanks, mamas. It's great to know you are there when I have a meltdown, mini or maxi.

*mwah* (again)
hurrah for done!

get the higher paying job and tell 'em you'll work twenty hours on a trial basis or something. (just trying to push that the #1 lesson i have learned in life is that it never hurts to state what you want.)

hurrah for free childcare with grandma!

hurrah for showers!
Good luck anoushh! And yay for Grandmas! Chaniboy's Ammachy is here right now running after him all day while I recover from whatever bug I've had. She has totally saved my butt this week!
I'm thinking sleepy baby thoughts for you tonight...
maybe she can walk him to the store to get gripe water! and then soak him in it!

Gren, you totally crack me up!
Amazing no-sleep boy strikes again.

Ok, he did sleep. He just wanted to be up at 5:30 and no amount of coaxing from me has put him back to sleep.


It wouldn't be so bad if he ever took a nap of more than 10 or 20 minutes.

(On a positive note, the gripe water seems to have helped his gassiness.)

Mom and the mister both out today (hiking and working, respectively) but dad is off tomorrow, so I swear, I'll sleep then.
anoushh, not to be discouraging but perhaps notbob is just a morning lark.
the bean gets up at 5:30 every day. sometimes six, but usually 5:30. we have resigned ourselves to the fact that that's his natural rhythm (try as we might, he wants to be in bed a 7 pm and up at 5:30...though the 7 pm was longer in coming than the 5:30!). this is very distressing to the mr...who would sleep until noon if he could, and to me...who would like to get up before everyone else so i could have some peace and quiet! maybe in ten years...

but seriously, it might be worth employing "techniques" to extend naps. the bean got onto a half-hour nap jag and we managed to reprogram him into hourlong naps, at least...i read everything, tho, so i don't remember what actually helped.

chani, i'm glad you appreciate my sense of the absurd... but where is chanibaby 2.0?

hope everyone else is enjoying their weekends!
He went back to sleep--finally--at 7. I tried to go to sleep myself, but just as I was dropping off, he's up and wide awake. At 7:20 am.

Is there something wrong with this child??
anoushh, have you considered putting him on a schedule? when the bean was that age he was on a three-hour schedule modified from the baby whisperer. he'd get up, eat, play, nap, and repeat all through the day, except late afternoon/early eve when i had to walk him around to get him to catnap enough to make it through dinner. and he took at least three 40-minute naps.
Yeah, he's pretty much on one, though I'm not rigid about it (don't see how I can be.)

He's just a kid who hardly needs any sleep. He's not cranky--he's in a great mood today and was yesterday, too (though yesterday I accidentally bonked the poor kids head on the corner of a bookcase. I felt awful and spent ages holding him. Then, when he'd calmed down I changed his diaper. That was great--he loves being naked. So fully recovered now, I think.)

It's just hard for me as I'm a person who definitely needs my sleep.
1. i'd weigh the overall benefit to your whole family (econoimic, interpersonal, emotional) WHIST you apply. If it turns out that you can't do it, well, no harm no foul. If you don't apply, you might regret it.

2. As horrible as this will sound, I never really wanted to breastfeed. I would have- and would have probably enjoyed it in the long run - but it wasn't something i was sad not to do. There, bad mom...killing my kid softly b/c i'm a selfish prat. Did I tow the "anti-bottle" line properly? (insert my own defensive quality and seeming inability to be 110% OK with what I knew was the right decision for all of us even in the face of a remarkable thriving girl in my house) I am in serious mourning over the quickly diminishing need for my time and cuddles and the bottle, though. In my own way, in my own experience, its very sad.
Side: I have a neighbor who is pregnant with her first. She's a registered dietitian, and even did lactation consulting for a time. She's terrified of telling ANY of her work friends that she doesn't feel compelled or a desire to breastfeed. At least I had the "horrific labor and operation" excuse...that woman-to-woman fear is bad, bad, bad.

3. I went back to work at 9 weeks. It was so difficult, that I went part time until January (6 mos, about). Now, working from home is about to end, and I'm really sad again that I'm going to miss the early morning sunshine.

4. Daycare, the frequent colds aside, has been wonderful for our family. But, we have a center we really agree with, and have gotten to know the other parents too.

Ok, off to the office.

Oh, Charli- we all talked quite a bit a few months ago about mourning the life "pre-babe." The short and long of it was we all mourned the life pre-babe. Take the days to yourself. I'd think as a SAHM, you'd need it even more!
morning lovies!

Annoush- SO glad you did the submittals! Going back to work was HARD, the adjustment to our "routine" harder...but I love it now. Honest.

Yesterday evening, took 6 steps. 6. Yep. That COUNTS as walking. smile.gif
Yay Moxette! And I'm so proud of you for getting your submittals in, Anoushh - even if it doesn't work out, I think it's good to start thinking about your options in the months/years to come. And if it's any consolation, we got exactly 45 minutes of napping yesterday, despite repeated attempts to entice him into sleepyland... I make myself feel better by framing my perceptions of Tartlet as an incredibly interested, curious, and determined child, all qualities that will serve him tremendously well as an adult. (And seconding Gren's experience, we too have an early bird - if he sleeps past 5am, it's cause for celebration...)

Despite the non-napping & resulting bout of self-recrimination ("We've been at this for almost a year, how can we not have figured this part out?!"), we had a great weekend. Tartlet & I went for a drive out to the burbs on Saturday, and I found a magic bullet - a nice big bottle, followed by a car ride with Hepcat on the stereo. He loved the music, babbled along for the first song or two, then was O-U-T. I could hear him snoring from the backseat happy.gif

Um. 2 weeks til we close on our house. Yoinks!
ah tart- its the age, I swear. Yesterday, took moxette 45 minutes of chit-chat with bunny to zonk out at bedtime. Then, she was UP every 2 hours all night...I think the walking got to her. But, i trusted my instincts and didn't run in at all...she wasn't "crying" as much as fussing, and I know she can get herself back to sleep from that. This morning, I told her how incredibly proud I was of her that she did all her own self comforting, and she smiled. I'm going to say she "got it."

Oh, we had a bit "to do" last night in the bath...she has decided that standing up in the tub is a great idea...and was PISSED that moxieman ended her batch promptly after the third time she did this. She and I had a nice chat (brazelton style) about how we're very pleased she can stand up and walk, but the bath isn't safe for that...i know she doesn't get it at all right now, but like bedtime adn meals, its a good precedent to set up. Right?

Tart...if you guys are driving through to PA, and want a break sometime, I can drive down to OH somewhere with Moxette...just a thought. I hear to Toledo zoo is pretty coolio...might make for a nice break. Where in PA ru moving to?
That's so awesome of you to offer your company Mox! Tartlet & I will be travelling in style, though, flying to BWI & leaving Daddy to deal with the truck (hey, it was his idea)... We'll be in south-central PA, south of Harrisburg, but north of the state line...

I actually came back in to post a link to this bit of excellence. The blog as a whole is great, but this particular series of entries is what sold me... I'm not advocation getting trashed in front of your kidlets, but a bottle of beer or a glass of wine is the right of any mother (or father, for that matter). Pretending such drinks don't exist, not letting your children see them consumed responsibly does nothing to help them understand how alcohol works & when it is appropriate.
oh, the fear of being a GD helicopter mom! I hear that post, tart, and then some. Now, I don't want to ever be so inebriated that I can't care for my kid, but seriously, a glass or two of wine is my grown-up drink. you don't see me drinking formula, now do you? And, if this photo doesn't show our general predisposition towards drinking around moxette, i don't know what does. don't worry, the bottle is empty! I hate, hate, hate the idea that sheltering our kids from everything and anything will make their childhoods perfect somehow. What it does is create a false bubble of the world that they will certainly break.
hurrah for walking! sleeping...well, let me just say that i am going to have a lot of quality 'me' time when the bean is a late-sleeping adolescent.

nice link, tart. who are the people who pretend alcohol doesn't exist? the same ones who have fifths of monarch vodka under the bed and creep out from under the covers to slug it at three a.m.?

i had a friend who had to get induced (overdue) and the doctor told her she could have a glass of wine first. so she stopped at a wine bar ON THE WAY to the hospital, belly out to HERE. i always thought that was ballsy of her. i can't stand people who act like if you have ONE SIP of alcohol when you're pregnant, your baby will be mentally deficient (like my MIL, who whipped out the new year's martinelli's just for me...even though apple juice makes me hurl).
So many posts to read--I love that!

Notbob is fussing right now in that "I'm hungry" sort of way, so will make this very quick.

He's found his feet. It's a riot!

And whoohoo for walking! (I did catch that, but will have to catch up on the rest later.)
yeah feet finding!

Annoush, when will you hear about the job? exciting!
Who knows. The closing date for one was Friday and the other one is Wednesday. I cannot believe how many places don't even bother to respond to let you know if a post was filled--I think that's very unprofessional.

Hey, I just got to brag about how much I loved my Smart car on Talk of the Nation--and apparently I didnt' sound like a complete idiot. Yay me!!

I thought the mamas might, um, appreciate this story.
((what on earth is wrong with these people???),,2035365,00.html
moxiegirl, some nights are "I LOVE being MOM" (see last night...) then, there are the evenings where the countdown to bedtime is like a bomb. That would be this evening. Miss moxette was just whiny, clingy and a general poophead. "I'm HUNGRY" but..."NOT FOR THE 4 THINGS YOU THINK TO OFFER ME." "I WANT TO PLAY" but not "WITH YOU". I'm TIRED, but don't want my JAMMIES. The "negativism of the 2nd year", right? Does it really start this early? I think she just overworked herself at school, combined with a slightly nasty headcold. Some motrin and triaminic, and some yogurt and blueberries, and she was in a much better (although not good!) mood.

But, I gotta give the girl some soon as her head hit the pillow (so to speak), she was OUT. I hope she sleeps well...she clearly needs it.
anoushh, you had a smart (or as we called them, une smart, because i've only ever seen them on the streets of paris, where you can lease one for 1 euro a month if you agree to have it papered with evian advertising...)?? i'm so jealous!

sigh. poor mox. i feel your pain. the bean was in pissy mode for what seemed like a week...a head cold never helps. although it's funny - whenever he IS like that, i find myself reflecting that adults are EXACTLY the same, but they just verbalise about it more...

chani, is the reason you're not around because you're giving birth? i hope it is quick, painless, and delightful...

and wish me the same in september!
September?? WOW!

And chaini...yes, wonderful birthing!
Holy cow!! The bean slept for 11 1/2 hours straight last PM!!! I'm so excited and really hope that it isn't just a fluke. Sleeping thru the night is a huge bonus but one down side is that I woke up at 5 am with huge, heavy, full, painful tatas. And I was also laying in a pool of breastmilk. Tradeoffs, I suppose.

Also, the lil guy has discovered his hands. He looks like he's on acid watching his hands move around but it's really cute! smile.gif

Oh yeah! forgot to add that I went back to work last week. Working only Friday afternoons but it's a good break in the week. 1st day back was weird but good. I realize now how much I miss adult interaction!!
hurrah, jas!
if it helps you and you go to bed significantly later than he does, you might want to pump both sides just before bed if this sleep pattern keeps up...

mox, i know...apparently my husband has joined the K-Fed Radioactive SuperSperm Club... but it's actually the age dif we wanted, before the whole mold trauma, so hopefully it'll work out. right now it's having the effect of forcing me to scale down my three jobs a bit, which is probably good. i haven't told anyone yet, mostly because i sort of want to see if i can get through spring without telling my colleagues and i'm waiting for friday's appt to tell my friends...

how is little miss moxette this morning?
Oh, Jasmine, I am SO loving your new avatar! Hi, Bean! That's good sleeping outta you!

And way to sneak that bit of news in, Gren - congratulations! Tartman & I have been lightly discussing the possibility of another one... I'm leaning heavily towards no-effing-way, myself, but I can see how that might change in another few months.

Tartlet got the pisspot memo, as well - Up! NO! Down! Auuugh! I'm sleepy! Nononono, not the crib! I wanna play! Wait, no, I wanna nurse! Wait, I wanna stand on my head & chew on your nipples & yell & chuck my books across the room!

(sigh) Oh yeah. Can't wait for year 2.

For all his crabbiness, though, he gave us one perfect, perfect moment this morning. He was all sleepy & cuddly post-breakfast, and we sat on the couch & read The Very Hungry Caterpillar before I left for work. I gave Tartlet the big smoochysmoochy, then turned it on Dad for a second - Tartlet wrapped his arms around both our heads & pulled us in for some very gentle, very wet smoochies of his own wub.gif
Thanks tart!! I love how mischieveous yet sweet he looks in that picture!

Gren- I thought about pumping before bed but I'm worried that it'll increase my mik supply. I'm already overproducing a bit and have a very overactive let down (TMI?). Poor lil guy chokes sometimes. I had the same problem with leaking when he started sleeping 5-6 hour stretches and it calmed down until now. Hopefully a week or so of this and it'll all work itself out. Congrats BTW!!
We are the Hip Mommas, Jasmine - there's no such thing as TMI!

You could try just pumping for a minute or two right before bed - not enough to stimulate a full letdown, just enough to take the edge off. Or, you could do a full session & freeze your milk for emergencies/nights out. But you're right, a few uncomfortable nights & your supply should even out...
Gyn appt today (I hope--she's on call today.)

Wish me luck.
yeah, we've decided another year, min before putting sibling power into action. Its just now not seeming horrific, but I'm nowhere near yet ready for another one.

Jas- I got your PMs, and woudl LOVE to meet you IRL, but we are SUPER DUPER CRAZY busy right now. April maybe?

found moxette butt-up, head burried into bunny at 5am...what a funny one. she's still got the head cold, but its not getting worse, so I think we're OK.
ha, ha...i love how you guys are discussing siblings as though they can be planned. i am here to tell you that sometimes The K-Fed Radioactive SuperSperm contingent stages a violent coup and it is out of your hands....
in many ways it's nice, but this is the hard part for me. i had a miserable time being pregnant the first time and this time is much the same, except that i'm much busier (full-time job plus part-time job plus toddler plus freelance job plus husband who does not know how to cook) and i'll have to continue working full-time through the labour & deliver & early weeks.

jas - i hear cabbage leaves (sleep with them in a soft-cup bra) can do wonders for the discomfort, tho probably not for the milk supply...

anoushh, hope the doc is quick, effective, & cheap.
gren, with the countless blessings of orthotricyclen, siblings are planned. But, like i said, the thought of another one isn't quite as horrific as it was even a month ago. So, there's that.

RU still breastfeeding the bean? how does that work, with the hormone levels going nutters for pregnancy too?
quick question for the BF mamas: When did Aunt Flo come back into the picture? We're 3 months now and no sign of her. My hubby jokingly said maybe you're preggers the other day (very funny Mr.!!!) and now I'm curious. Slim to no chance I could be preggers (libido still on vaca in Barbados) but I wonder about when to expect the red dawn.

You said there's no such thing as TMI tart, regret your words yet? tongue.gif

Mox- april sounds fabu. whenever you'd like to get together, I'm game!
Jas, I posted a huge long post about the history of my front bottom--you've said little in comparison! wink.gif

As I didn't breastfeed it was two weeks after the lochia stopped--that sucked. But friends have reported it to be six months approx for them at least.

Mixed report from the gyn-will have to wait and see if her tx worked. Some weird granuloma tissue, which is what I can feel, some scarring, and her guess is that perhaps the area has become overly sensitized with the trauma and healing process. Various options thrown out, but none seemed to be anything that stood out as the "Yes, that's it" one for me, so I asked for her recommendation, and she suggested the first, and easiest one she'd suggested, which was a trigger point injection of lidocaine, in the hope that it will help the area desensitize. Not nearly as bad as I thought it might be, and at least I should have a couple of days of no discomfort.

Jas, will you ask the bean to speak to notbob about the joys of a good night's sleep?

He's been doing this thing where he wakes up crying, sometimes as often as every 20 minutes. Its not the kind of moaning, etc, that he settles himself back down again from (which he also does sometimes), but rather a really incredibly sad, mournful sound, and unless I comfort him (usually giving him back his pacifier works, or maybe a hand on him for a short bit) he wakes up and we start all over.

Last night this went from 9 to midnight. That meant form his point of view he pretty much sleep those three hours, but I never did b/c just as I'd start to drop off he'd start again.

Anyone have this? Ideas? (I suspect the only thing to do is wait til her grows out of it, but can't hurt to ask.)

Gren, congratulations!
(Gotta watch out for that super mega sperm! wink.gif )
We are never having another, but I only ever wanted one. It's a good thing b/c at our ages another is unlikely anyway.
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