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us too...zzzzzz....
Well, our sleep is a bit better again. How's moxette?

In other news-we have symbolic play! First a coupel of weeks ago notbob started to kiss some of his stuffed toys, then he had them kiss each other. Now he's offering his pacifier to them (or to Grover in one of his books) and the occasional cracker.

He's also signing up a storm. A couple of days ago he invented a sigh for Cookie Monster (I've been letting him watch the occasional bit of classic Sesame Street and he knows the characters from various--mostly older--Sesame books we have. It was basically mimicing the way he gobbles cookies, complete with mrrmrrmrmrmr-rmrmrmrmmm-mmrmrmrrmrmr sounds.

It's hilarious. laugh.gif

We are looking for a house to buy. Wish us luck.

Thinking of my mamas, and hope you are all well.
she took a solid week to readjust from gramma's house, where she gets both a big-girl bed and grandparents more willing to co-sleep than we are. Alls well now. Back to only needing us once or twice every couple nights. RIght...she's 2. Well, 2 this weekend. Today is my annual "my kid SHOULD have been born today" anniversary...the start of the 4-day labor. I can't believe it, really. She's an amazing, funny, movie-loving, smart, wicked little girl.

Symbolic play is AWESOME. I almost cried when I noticed it for the first time. Dollys for a baba to one. Seriously...i just about died.

Now, moxette is very into reading to herself. In her room, with a cup of water and her bunny. Awesome.

Yesterday, major sugar meltdown, and i remembered why holidays are both fun and not-fun. smile.gif
Happy belated birthday to Moxette!

I'm having a small panic attack.

There is so much to do and the consequences if I screw up seem so big.

Like M getting deported.

Ok, I'm going to try to breathe now.
gulp...annoush...what's up?
The pressing concern is an immigration form that we have to submit before the end of may because we were married less than two years when coming here.

It turns out to be way more complicated than I'd realized in spite of me having looked at it many times. I also screwed up with thinking you could submit it no more than 60 days before deadline, when it's 90.

It's just adding a lot of stress to an already stressful situation. We also have financial issues, housing issues, visitor issues, not to mention the normal job (very stressful at the moment) and home pressures.

Notbob, however, is starting to say real words. smile.gif

He said "kitty" and "cookie" (as in Cookie Monster) today. biggrin.gif
Immigration F-ing sucks. Seriously, I know a big beef with illegal immigrants is from the legitimate immigrant community, b/c you all have to jump through all these absurdist hoops...but, that same thought leads me to think there is a reason people choose to come ILLEGALLY in the first place. Good luck!
(((((((anoush))))))) good luck!
Gosh, thanks both of you. Really.

I finally got some sense in my head and realized that I should consult an immigration attorney. I did this with the previous paperwork and it was worth the $90 fee just in stress reduction alone. So I've called and arranged another consultation. I know it will be worth it for the peace of mind, not to mention the help.

They will be such easy questions for someone who does this all the time.

This whole thing is going to cost us at least $700. What a rip off.

Notbob's big sister and her bf are visiting from the UK. He adores them, espeically his sister. The only other time he's seen her was when we went in October, but he knows she's something special.
i try not to be an alarmist, or believe everything i hear, but if there is any truth in this...
"organic" baby formula
i would feel so bad if this happened to any bustie babies (well, any baby anywhere, but you know what i mean)
From my experience, the formula that had the lowest DHA amount (Costo house brand) was the least gassy.

In toddler news, we have the beginning of POTTY TRAINING! She's doing GREAT at school this week (decided on her own that doing potty was the THING to do), but lots of accidents at home. I think her teacher just has more practice in seeing the "signs" than I do. She's worked with toddlers/young preeschoolers for 5 years, me...1 month. smile.gif

For those of you with potty trained kidlets...what should some expectations on my part be? We're shooting for a couple solid week trial period, seeing each day if we can get longer between potty/accident time.

ooh, how's the pottying going? little just didn't do it until he was 3.5 and then all of a sudden he got it, only one accident that i recall (in my bed of course).
we plan on a diaper free summer for this girl so we'll see how it goes with the pottying after that. she'll surely be aware of when she needs to go after a summer of feeling and seeing it happen! should be fun.

ok, so today i realized that it isn't just one tooth coming in but both of her front top teeth, the poor little miserable thing. she's got a slight rash on her wee bottom and on her face too and is she ever grouchy! i mean for her, if she was little this would be a good day. still, i'm just so not used to all the whiney crying, it's very taxing. at least she's still sleeping alright, up a bunch in the night but mostly quiet. i am so happy that i'm sleeping with her, makes things so much easier for the both of us this way.
pepper, 'roo grew his top 4 all at once! i know what you are dealing with! i answered you just now in the preg thread... hylands tabs also worked. i try those b4 tylenol but had to resort to tylenol a couple of times.

you are brave for you diaper free plan. i am curious to see how it works out though, i might be more inclined to try that with a girl...but i don't know if even i have the patience for that...

ok, i feel like i am stalking you now...
pepper, you are brave, going for a diaper free summer. i've tried that with my boys... at least girls can't aim at each other! yes, i do live in a zoo....

none of my boys has been completely trained before age 4. granted, we have more than the normal issues around here, autism, etc, but other mom's of boys that i've talked to say that 3-4 is about average while girls it is more like 2-3. best wishes!
Are you planning on camping or being outside during this time? Are you going to pee with her? I was potty trained this way in an afternoon, and it was pretty traumatic. Being really young and unable to articulate (or really understand) the need to go and then being surprised by pee can be kind of hard because you can't prevent it. I always thought 3+ seemed old for training but can see the benefits of the kid being really aware and participatory in the process. Just wondered how you'll do it.

So, we are about to take a long trip abroad and wonder if anyone has travel tips for traveling/living abroad with infants. I am particularly paranoid about abduction and solid foods. Any ideas? anybody use the gogo kidz stroller youth seat thing?

Also, has traveling really affected peoples' milk production? I can see it having a temporary effect but would a decrease due to exhaustion last? Couldn't I just pump and take a bottle on the 13 hr flight? On a larger rant, I have been feeling conspired against by the forces that be (grandmothers and pediatricians) to stop breastfeeding. The ped. kept saying "6 months, time for rice cereal" when it doesn't seem to have any nutritional value. I understand chewing can be a good skill, but why not eat something with substance? And the grandmas (her own and any women of that age) seem hellbent on feeding ms. wiggles. Every time she makes a sound they tell me maybe she's hungry. I just wonder if this is some kind of booblash. Did other bf mammas feel this current, this force against nursing, past 6 months? I get the sense that there is a tacit disdain for the kid's singular dependency on mom past ths age. Any thoughts?
lapis- the thing with cereal/solids at 4-6 mos isn't to stop breastfeeding at all! Its to start the slow, long process of teaching the kidlet how to eat something in a different manner than sucking. Rice cereal, per se is the "most digestable" baby food. THat being said, my daughter hated it, and really took to the smushy veggies and oatmeal. My "Baby 411" book was very adamant about starting solids at 6 months, while at the same time, even more adamant that whatever liquid nutorition (bottle or boob) NOT be decreased AT ALL until 8-9 mos. That roughly equates to whenever kidlet is getting a "meal" and not an "activity" from solids. Eventually, they do need to be taught independence, and food is a good way to start.
lapis, i'm still bfing jackaroo and he'll be 10 months next week (!!). i started him on rice cereal mixed with breastmilk right about 6 months because, as moxie said, it helps them learn that there is more to meals than sucking on mom's boob (or bottle, whatever). and the cereal is a very good source of iron, as well as a decent source of protein. 'roo liked it ok but liked it more when i started mixing it with pureed fruits.

but when you first start, it's less about the nutrition (they should still be getting at least 80% from milk/formula at that time) and more about the act of eating. you would be surprised at how much learning goes into putting something semi-solid in their little mouths and getting them to accept it. i think i only started with one or two tablespoons at first and that was plenty.

now, at 10 mo, he's eating three solid meals a day, even things like cheerios at breakfast that require chewing, and has sort of weaned himself to three to four nursing sessions per day, depending on his mood usually...

and to answer your question regarding the "urges" to feed solids, my answer is YES! my mother in law started in when he was about 4months. she started with little hints that maybe he needed more than breastmilk... oh, just a little cereal won't hurt him... even made a comment that made me feel like she might even try to give it to him when i wasn't around. she said stuff like that several times, and each time i would just adamantly tell her that his doctor and i have agreed that he is doing well without it. it didn't help of course that he has been underweight (he's still only in the 3% for weight, but in the 80th% for height so he's a skinnybutt). she would say how she felt he would "plump" up if we gave him cereal, etc.

finally, i started citing the apa and lll and anything else i could find to support what i was doing. she saw that i had put a lot of thought into this and that it wasn't just MY goal, but that his health was paramount in the decision. i also had to sort of point fingers- her kids are both incredibly picky eaters and the way i've handed things with 'roo is to try to help him develop a healthy relationship with food. she said she used to have to force her kids to eat things (even as children) whereas 'roo is SO willing to try things and just opens his mouth like a little baby bird. i think the way we did it gave him a sense of independence and control. i'm not saying that he might grow into some finicky habits, but even she has commented on what a joy it is to feed him - that's he's so much easier than her kids used to be. she has tried to say that she never tried to be controlling with her kids and their food, but i know this woman too well!

anyway, now that he has been eating solid foods (and still is well underweight, i might add) she has become much more supportive about my continuing to breastfeed.

speaking of, for those breastfeeding moms: how did you wean your kiddos? i want to do it as naturally as i can with jackaroo and honestly, he's beginning to do it on his own, as i indicated above. he even seems to turn it down more and more at night, whereas i always thought that would be the sticky point. should i just continue with him until he slowly decides that he would rather drink from a cup? the tricky part is that he seems to have a milk sensitivity - he breaks out in a rash when i give him a smidge of anything remotely dairy and when i supplemented with a formula bottle here and there when he was tiny (when i had to go to interviews or couldn't be with him for whatever reason and hadn't pumped enough), he would either vomit or have diarrhea. the doc has given me soy formula to try but we haven't had the occasion yet but i'm thinking more about in the next couple of months when he's over a year old. goats milk? soy milk? what are your thoughts?

(i hope this makes sense, i've been writing for the past few hours in between baby, work, etc)
fj, i weaned my 3 older boys between 3 and 4 months, cuz of problems and schedules. i wish i hadn't, but at the time, it seemed the right thing. little w tho, being #4 and knowing he was my last, i seemed to be more inclined to just let it go naturally. he pretty much weaned himself. the last time i nursed him was his first birthday, oddly enough. i was actually figuring on going longer, but he just wasn't interested anymore. he had better things to do!

if 'roo seems to have a milk sensitivity try rice milk, goats milk, soy, hemp, or oat milks. i wouldn't try the almond milk yet, since nuts are not a good idea for kids under 2. look for the fortified ones, cuz the un-fortified ones, well, you might as well drink water. my oldest had a milk sensitivity, but could tolerate yogurt and hard cheeses. my youngest can't tolerate anything involving cows milk at all, even raw milk or raw milk products. which is another idea to experiment with. see if there is a local organic farm that might be willing to provide raw milk products. you can't really buy them in stores, at least around here.
FJ- my nephew who has a lactose intolerance (getting much better as he nears 2), drinks the vanilla soy milk and loves it. Also, rice milk is a favorite of his. As for cheeses...I know ms.turbo has great ideas for non-dairy, non-gluten foods...her nephew has all her same food issues! My BFF weaned ehr son at just shy of 11 mos in a pretty cut-and-dry time. She wasn't luxurious about it...she was on serious antibiotics that meant she couldn't nurse, so they ran down their pumped supply and then gave him formula in a bottle for the rest of the month, then milk (whole) in a cup. I think one of the smartest things she did was to not give her son whole milk in a bottle... b/c we bottlefed, we just switched from formula to milk (even then, just at nap and bedtimes) in the bottle, and it was a CHORE getting moxette off the bottle. She was like 3 weeks shy of 2! I just told her that the "big kids" in PRESCHOOL don't use babas, and since she is in PRESCHOOL now, neither does she. It actually worked like a charm. Now, she just wants a cup of water at bedtime.
i sort of ended my post abruptly, sorry, i had more to say!

i was going to add what moxie said, that when switching to milk or milk substitutes it's much simpler to go straight to a cup and not go to the bottle. a friend of mine weaned her daughter from boob to bottle at around 1 1/2 and then didn't get her off the bottle for ages after that! and being on a bottle, or sippy cup for that matter, is really bad for babies' teeth. cavities in baby teeth are not pleasant for anybody.

my 2 younger boys are on a gluten free dairy free diet too, i'm all about substitutes!
thanks for the info, mamas! i'll have to try the rice and soy milks. my sil suggested that we try the raw milk too, but i don't know of a dairy nearby that might offer it. i'll check though.

we have already been giving jackaroo juice and water in a cup. he drank from a bottle here and there in his first few months but the last time i pumped, he wouldn't take it, just chewed on the nipple. so we offer him a sippy cup to let him learn how to hold it and drink by himself and then give it to him without the lid (or another small cup) so he can practice. i'm not planning to get him back on a bottle, which is crazy because i've got a dozen bottles in a box that have only been used maybe once. i guess i'll keep them just in case the next bebe isn't as crazy about the boob as 'roo is. tongue.gif
Thanks everybody! Ms. wiggles is eating some banana and avocado but we haven't done it as an everyday thing. I've been so stressed about it making my milk decrease. But you all echo what the LLLadies said Fri, so thanks!

FJ, could you get some farmer's market goat's milk--it should be raw, and depending on your state's laws, it might be very safe and tested regularly more stringently than big milk. I will say that of the non soy or animal milks, oat milk gives me terrible gas, so you might consider it a last resort. Goat's milk's profile is more like human milk.

My sister just weaned when my nephew got so busy during the day and at night he didn't ask for the boob. So she didn't offer and he stopped at 15 mos or so.
hi, hi! not ignoring, just having a very crazy time. tonight little woke me with a bloody nose, so traumatic for him, and then some stupid drunk people drove a car straight through into my neighbours back yard (from the front of the house, mind), crashed the fence and went into the ravine. oh yes, and took out the fire hydrant while they were at it. oh joy, being very early sunday morning we shall have no more water until sometime on monday.
we hope. yikes, what we have to look forward to, eh ladies? my kids will be lucky if i Ever let them drive...

ok, so i am no help with the weaning since i didn't until age 3.5 when we were down to nearly none already anyhow.
as for diaper free, i am surprised more of you didn't do it 'cause i thought it was a pretty ordinary thing to do in the summer. little spent all his summers at the cottage nudie patootie, no big. he thought pooping was hysterical, especially the one time the dog ate his doody, he couldn't get over that one. gross.
i'll just do the same with the small girl with cloth inside the house and possibly overnight too. she isn't a very heavy wetter so we'll see how it goes. i would like her to maintain an awareness of her bodily functions, something i don't think is possible with those ultra absorant disposables, they can't even feel that they are wet so they associate that feeling of "gotta go" with, well, nothing. i think it sets them up for potty difficulties later on. just the way the diapers and pullup companies like it eh? imagine pioneer mamas putting up with 3+years of diapers? i don't think so, babies were pottying consistantly by age 2 at the very latest way back then, it can be done.
I'd worry about raw milk for a small child or infant.

We are working on weaning off bottle for naps and nighttime. Notbob has always had a hard time settling down to sleep and for ages there was no chance of getting him to sleep without it. But we are worried about his teeth, and he is maturing now and is a bit more able to settle (sometimes.) Any way, it's time.

Lapis, we took notbob to the UK from the west coast of the US when he was just under one year old.

I have no idea what the stroller thing you mention is. We took his carseat and checked it along with his stroller. He had his own seat on the plan. He is a super wigglepants so it was pretty essential to have the extra space.

What are your concerns more specifically? How old will your little one be at your trip? It was hard and afterwards we joked (sort of) that we wouldn't travel with him again until he was at least 10. However, as he has two siblings, and two very elderly grandparents there, along with other friends and family, we'll do it again. At one point, though, he didn't sleep for 20 hours out of 24.

I didnt' breast feed out of necessity, but I agree with you that there is pressure to move to solids (which is pretty darn silly.) There seems to be this idea that women are inherently defective on their own, and how could they possibly provide the nutrients the child needs? Yeah, how did you make that child in the first place if you are so defective? It irks me.

But mox makes very good points about the baby starting solids as practice in eating, rather than it being a nutritional goal at that age.

Notbob is pretty aware of his diaper being wet and we use Seventh Generation diapers, which are pretty damn absorbent.
He tells us when he needs to be changed. We are just starting the potty training process.
QUOTE(lapis @ May 1 2008, 08:31 AM) *
On a larger rant, I have been feeling conspired against by the forces that be (grandmothers and pediatricians) to stop breastfeeding. The ped. kept saying "6 months, time for rice cereal" when it doesn't seem to have any nutritional value. I understand chewing can be a good skill, but why not eat something with substance? And the grandmas (her own and any women of that age) seem hellbent on feeding ms. wiggles. Every time she makes a sound they tell me maybe she's hungry. I just wonder if this is some kind of booblash. Did other bf mammas feel this current, this force against nursing, past 6 months? I get the sense that there is a tacit disdain for the kid's singular dependency on mom past ths age. Any thoughts?

Hey Lapis, I'm not a mom, just thinking of becoming one which is why I've been checking out this thread. I also fill in occassionally at my work's Pregnancy Outreach Program and there is definitely lots of pressure to stop breastfeeding, but, the World Health Organization and the United Nations very strongly recommend that babies are breastfeed to two years old, as breastmilk provides all the nutrients that babies need, and supplementing with solids starting at six months. This is also policy for the Government of Canada with our public health nurses and lactation consultants, etc. being very supportive. This link gives some reasons why breastfeeding is so important: Breastfeeding and Longterm Health Benefits

And we see mom's regularly whose family think formula is better, or only solid foods, which is quite unfortunate, so yeah, the pressure you're facing is normal, but there's definitely a lot of women out there who breastfeed well past 6 months.
anoush...try switching from milk to water in the bottle. Moxette had a horrible case of stomach flu at about 20 mos...and we couldn't give her dairy. Still needed the baba...but totally took to water, too. Made it pretty easy to switch to a cup at bedtime.
Thanks, mox. I remember you doing that with Moxette and so that's what I have been doing, gradually watering it down. So far, so good.

I wonder if he'll accept only water, but I'm much more optimistic than I was.

Notbob is in an "all daddy, all the time" phase. He still doesn't have many words at all, but he goes around saying "da-dee, da-dee" all the time. And making the sign for daddy. And wanting to be with him every second.

He occassionally yells "MAA!!" when he can't find something and wants me to find it.
le sigh, isn't that wonderful? i am relegated to the role of lunch provider and sock finder too. everyone else gets to have fun with my kids. me? i get to be boring mom, doing all the work. lame.
Thanks everybody for the insights into bf and eating. Starshine, the chart was good--I hope so much we can keep the little lady from developing asthma--we both have it, so if bf can help, that would be great.
Anoushh, she will be about 10 month when we make the first trip. at this point I am planning to go back and forth between here and the Mediterranean every 3 months or so for the next year.
I am worried about:
-letting her crawl on the nasty airplane
-whether or not to break up the 10 hr flight
-how to find a nannie with some language barrier
-the feasibility of taking the kid with me everywhere while I conduct research
-keeping her safe from both traffic and abductors (the traffic is a real concern--do you think strollers using car seats could be safer than walking?)
-the kinds of stuff to take (i.e., a stroller system that won't weigh a million lbs., clothes for multiple seasons, and luggage to be handled by a single adult with a child in tow)

these are some of the travel issues I am concerned with. I want to have it all planned out but get overwhelmed even imagining this kind of trip.

Any ideas? Thanks!

lapis, i'm really not speaking from experience cuz i have never taken a kid on an airplane, let alone overseas, BUT i have a couple ideas.

-i would not be real down with letting your little one crawl on the plane. bouncing on your lap, or standing on her seat and jumping would be better imo. just the thought of the gods-know-what that is also crawling on the floor... *shudder* and i'm really not a germaphobe!

-i don't know how practical time/money/location-wise breaking up the flight would be, but i'd think that if it's possible, it would be a good idea.

-one of those strollers that is like, a frame that the car seat snaps into... i'm not sure i know what i'm talking about lol, but i think i've seen those for bigger babies/toddlers, not just tiny babies. maybe... try one step ahead catalog. they must have a web site. i think that's where i saw it. oh, and maybe a sling or maya wrap or a baby backpack. check hiking or camping stores/sites.

-backpacks. there's a diaper bag/backpack, i think in the same catalog, that had little pockets for everything. it looked like you could cram a ton of stuff in it.

i hope some of this helps, or gives you a starting point at least.

eta: random thought... sometimes stuff intended for special-needs kids can work really great for "regular" families too. i've seen diaper bags that had big, extra pockets intended for, say, oxygen units or something, but those big pockets could be used just for extra gear. and i've seen strollers with extra storage underneath, too.
snap and go is what that stroller is called. honestly, a front carrier or baby back pack is a terrific way to get around with a little one so long as you're up for it, then you have both hands free for bags or a roll along suitcase/cart type thing. i found either of those way, Way more convenient and easy than a stroller for carting a kid around.

boobie juice article, the latest study.
Lapis, to be honest I think it would be very hard.

But it also depends a lot on your kid's temperment. A calmer kid will be easier than an intense kid like notbob.

I have to rush as I'm being buried by work and I have to finish up and submit the mister's immigration paperwork so he doesn't get deported, but I think we just bought a house.

Happy Mother's Day!!!! Hope it was a good one!!!

Thanks for the mother's day wish, polly, and I hope everybody had a nice holiday. It was nice to appreciate mother's day from the receiving end of the celebration. Anyway, congrats Anoushh. (?) Did you get the house?
Thanks Pepper, I bought the snap-n-go and hope it will last for the trip. The car seat's rated for 30 lbs/in, so if the little one stays tiny long enough, we will be able to use it the whole trip.
I think traveling will be hard but it will be a special experience, too. I wish I could hire someone to go with me, like a bilingual dude. The kid is a natural with crowds (so far), very personable and happy. She has started to freak out when she doesn't get her way, so I worry about being around so many things she should not touch while we travel.
Anyway, I have a postpartum question. Did anyone have belly wrinkles that went away over time? I'm at 7 months pp and still have wrinkles when I bend over--is this the new state of things? Does the body keep changing? Any wisdom?
Whoops, she wakes!
lapis, sweetie, welcome to the world of the mama-body! my last kiddo is over 3yo now and my body has so many stretch marks, wrinkles, etc that were never there before... oh well. i look at like this: every mark on my body is a battle scar from fighting to bring my babies into this world. the only time they bother me is when i go to scratch my tummy or hip and catch my fingernail on a stretch mark! cuz that just hurts!

in other news... little d's weighted blanket has been ordered! i am excited about this! it's going to be red satin on one side and a printed flannel (cowboys or baseball or something) on the other, and it weighs 8 pounds. the satin is b/c he has sensory issues and is very picky about what he will allow next to his skin at times. and the flannel should be nice and soft for the rest of the time. i'm excited!
Hi all!

So, I just came upon a phrase that really perfectly matches my parenting philosophy" Emphatic Parenting. Of course, it was in reference to Dr. Brazelton's work, but I think it just is emphatic towards the child, and by showing empathy, we can love and teach at the same time without "spoiling" or over-stern-ness.

Anybody else ever hear of this school of thought? It seems less drastic than either classic attachment parenting or classic ferberizing.

hmm, i think of you as being pretty attachment parenting in a reasonable way so i guess that this is a good description of your style. mine too i think, i mean i like to respond to their needs but i'm not wearing the baby in the shower or anything!
See, I can't think of myself as "attachment" parenting for 3 big reasons: 1. Did not breastfeed, nor did I really want to; 2. did not co-sleep for the first 18 mos, nor did I want to; 3. I always knew that daycare was a good thing for my family and that I needed to be not mom 24-7. I don't think that to form good bonding, the strict tenants of attachment parenting are needed. I also taught moxette to self sooth at 5 mos (she's still not so great at it!) and leave her overnight at grammas at least 1X month. Its all contributed to a very happy, well adjusted family. I remember the oldie-but-goodie that farmgirl (is she still around?!?) said... Whatever gets the most people the most sleep...DO. This can be extended to anything else parenting related.
I don't think any of that precludes you from attachment style parenting principles.

I haven't heard that term before, though, and I'd be interested in hearing more.

ETA: take a look at these principles of AP. You don't have to do every single one, but there is a tone there that says respect your child and his/her needs and use positive discipline that to me is the core of AP.

Also, daycare is not contrary to the principle of AP. See the last point on this link.
hi mamas! anyone know of any good resources (books or internet) on baby-led weaning? a friend of mine is having a great time doing it and my SIL is interested, i thought you might have some recommendations. all the weaning information i've seen is very much geared towards pureeing stuff into mush.

Thinking in an anology, I think AP is more like religion and EP is more like living the golden rule. One is more structured, one is more philosophical? The short and long of it is that I really don't believe I am here FOR her needs, I think we are here for each others. Empathy vs. attachment. Splitting hairs?
maybe just your personal take on it. i have no prob calling my style of parenting attachment but i don't think i follow all the rules to the letter like some people do. i boobie feed and sleep avec but i don't homeschool and i DO yell when i'm super maddified, etc.
adding my .02 to the discussion.

i never really thought about my parenting "style" until i was preggers with little w. bed rest gives you an awful lot of time to think and read! i guess i follow some attachment things, like breastfeeding and co-sleeping and using a front carrier/sling a lot, but i only nursed for a few months (little w was the only one i nursed for a full year), and they were all in their own beds by 6 months the same time, i've been known to yell and even spank on occasion b/c sometimes you just have to get their attention first, then you can sit down and talk calmly. we do a lot of hugging and cuddling and the boys wrestle with their dad all the time (it's really funny to hear little z yell "pig pile!" and watch my mr disappear underneath the kids). 3 of my 4 share a bedroom, only my oldest, dai, has his own room and that was his choice, not forced. and of course i provide love and care, day and night! how can a parent not do most, if not all, of these things?
Lady Selena
With my first daughter I nursed 18 months and when I was going to wean her around 12 months my mother and grandma begged me not to because we were going to go on a trip. The oldest was also a co-sleeper and she would not sleep alone, I blame myself for not making her when she was tiny. With my twin I only nursed 6 months I just could not keep up with the demand so we had to switch. They were in the their own room but separate cribs from 8 weeks on. The 2 year olds sleep through the night with minimal wanderings. The 6 year old will still climb into bed 3 days a week! Let me tell you my hubby is tired of getting a foot in the ribs. We do yell, timeout and spank when needed. Funny thing is that I was not spanked as a child and my husband was, but it is I who spank not my husband.
Selena...what circumstances warrant a spanking? We haven't had to even come close to that level of discipline yet, and i'm curious about it. I was only spanked once as a child, when my mom thought (note, I said thought...she was wrong) I cut my sister's toe off in my big wheel (it was a total accident). After that "mistake", my parents never spanked me or my sister again. My brother seemed to respond better to more dramatic things, so he did get spanked every once in a long while.
Lady Selena
My girls respond best to being alone. My oldest will cry the harder when she is told to go to her room than if she gets a swat. The only times we really spank are if they are doing something that risks their life. ie running into the street, or something that scares the hell out of me and I give them swat. Mind you i am not talking about a spanking where you get a set number just one swat to get their attention. We (I should say I) don't give it for say spilling water all over the floor. - On a side note as I was typing this my #3 child just dumped a glass off the table and all i did was give her a dirty look and she said "sorry mommy".

This last Christmas Eve our 6 year old slammed her bedroom door after being told not to many times that morning. She crushed her sisters finger in the door and we had to make a trip to the ER. That time she did get a spanking and was made to sit with me and her sister at the hospital.

Little Eddie has gotten a swat for running out into the street. Likewise, he's gotten a swat when his tantrums have gotten out of control, but these times have numbered less than 5 in the (nearly) 3 years he's been here. I prefer to put him in time out and make him apologize, then get him interested in something more positive.

The best ways to get good behaviour I've found are actually not discipline related at all: keeping track of sleep and nap times, making sure the kid has eaten recently, has a clean diaper, isn't too hot or cold, has had decent attention from me, has something interesting to do, and has had a chance to run off some energy that day. You wouldn't believe how much that last one helps everything, particularly for active toddlers.
:sidles in, all bashful-like:

Hey, Mamas... How is everyone? IT locked me out of BUST during a recent update, and I'm only just now getting access again.... Life With Toddler is exciting, to say the least - lots of stories to tell. But how is everyone else? It's been mighty quiet around here...

Funny story: I never made a Baby Book. I've got piles of artifacts, but no documentation... or so I thought. I just spent 20 minutes whacking through the Hip Mama archives, C&P my posts into one big Word doc... Voila! Insta Baby Book! laugh.gif OK, so there's a lot of swearing... but it's accurate, no?

Big hugs to all my ladies - I've missed you!

(Argh. No, no updated photos. We are supremely terrible at dumping the camera... I'll get on that tonight, promise!)
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