Sep 5 2007, 09:22 AM
this is true. I think, tonight, I'm going to take the wee lassie to the bookstore (her favorite place!) and hang out with her for a bit after school. I will also be searching for my baby-guru's "discipline" book. I realized that I learned so much about how I want to parent from reading Dr. B's "Touchpoints", that for $10.00, its worth picking up his "discipline" specific tome. His attitude and methods seem to have worked so far for us. Plus, it gives momma and baby girl some much needed quality time in a different locale than home.
Sep 5 2007, 09:57 AM
i miss the uber child friendliness of the place we lived before. here it's a drag taking them out anywhere. they just seem to be "tolerated" as a neccessary evil instead of celebrated as wonderful little bundles of life, energy and joy. it seems to be easier to just 'be' with them when you can just 'be' with them wherever you go instead of having to make such an expedition of it.
we're hitting the library after school today, at least there's a kid zone there that he can just be himself in.
Sep 5 2007, 09:58 AM
mox, don't worry too much about one biting incident. they will happen, even with the gentlest kid. the bean is super-gentle with other kids and very nonaggressive, partially because, unlike a lot of boys his age, he has learned to talk well and learned that talking gets you places, but i know he'll eventually smack someone at our coop -- often they do it to preserve personal space (i saw it almost happen the other day when a much bigger boy was crowding to the point of practically knocking him down). that said, i've been reading "the happiest toddler on the block" (by pediatrician harvey karp; he quotes brazelton, so you may want to check it out) and, though its whole "personal development mirrors civilisation" schtick is a little hokey, it does have some good ideas, some of which i've already been using (before i read it) with success (and some i WAS using but had forgotten in my current late-preg-induced frustration and impatience). among them:
1)empathetic listening: when your toddler is whining/yelling for something, repeat back to her in simple language what she wants. my personal take on this is that you should do so in language your toddler is capable of using, whether it's "want nana!" or "you really want a banana." i started doing this when he was very young and it's amazing how it will defuse a tantrum much of the time, making the child feel heard. we have an ongoing debate about these cookies called "snackimals," which the bean loves, and since i started doing that again i've managed to have several conversations with him about how much he wants a snackimal without having to give him one.
2)when the child misbehaves (e.g. biting, hitting): make an angry face, express anger and disapproval through pantomime or gesture, and use "their language" (however simple) to say "no biting" or whatever. this one i think depends on the kid. i've noticed that yelling "NO" at my kid is a recipe for stupidity; it just makes him yell "NO" back at me (usually followed by his articulating, "I'm gonna throw that/hit mama/whatever"). i've had better success combining this with another piece of advice, which is not to give too much attention to bad behavior, so i make a disapproving face and then turn my back. this gives my attention-loving, social, articulate boy the message that my attention is not what he gets when he's bad. i think in any case, the briefer the disapproval, the better. my coop has a rule that the child who's BEEN hitten/bit/shoved should get the attention, not the biter, and i agree. this teaches that acting out doesn't get all the adults looking at you.
3)i think that with a child this young it's better to remove the marker temptation the first time (unless magenta carpet really doesn't bug you that much). a one-two year old can understand option but not really the consequences of making a choice, and the more you talk, the more it just becomes a power struggle. in any case i think it's important to be able to calmly remove instruments of destruction without shaming or getting angry; just being like, "marker is for paper. that goes away now." and then introducing another activity (combined with some empathetic listening if nec.) is enough. i know that with the bean, if he's feeling a little rebellious the 1-2-3 thing would just make him keep pushing. i think that would only work with a child who was fundamentally interested in pleasing (a libra, or a pisces...not my leo!).
4)THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE THAT ALMOST ANY PARENT ADVICE BOOK WILL AGREE ON: PARENTS, SHUT UP! (this is the biggest peeve i have with the mister, who, like his mother, is one of those people who thinks that if you disagree with him and he just keeps EXPLAINING, eventually you'll agree, because any reasonable person would, right?)
your toddler is not listening to your long explanation. your toddler is not interesting in affirming your concerns (as a babysitter it always drove me crazy when parents would talk and talk and try to get their toddler's AGREEMENT, e.g. "the marker can make a stain on the rug. that means it won't come out, and that ruins the rug, so we don't use marker on the rug, okay?" -- i always knew from experience that the toddler was like, "what does ruin mean? who cares!?? Rug marker fun!"). one piece of advice i read says try to express any idea/correction in ten words or less, and i think that's totally right. having spent 20+ hours per week with toddlers from age 11 on definitely taught me not to waste my breath. and also not to be so supremely disrespectful of a toddler that i assume she shares my concerns! because she's still on the "Marker rug fun!" track and i have left it forever, sniff.
so yesterday the mister ended up staying late at school and thus, in addition to working a five-hour shift at the coop with ELEVEN two year olds, i then was sole caregiver until bedtime. and we had a really nice, calm day, even though i didn't get enough work on the freelance job i'm trying to finish before #2 comes done. and when i had put the bean to bed (earlier than usual of late! and without struggle!) i realised that the reason the day had been nice is that since i was the only one dealing with the bean, i could just divert, etc. rather than having to alternate with the mister, which means the mister starts some power struggle and then i deal with the fallout. i enjoyed my kid so much more.
not sure how to deal with this without eliminating my other half, tho, although i appreciate you reminding me that he IS trying, mox. i know having patience with him is only going to help the situation and our having conflict only makes it worse, but honestly...i canNOT understand why he doesn't do a better job. i'm just intolerant like that.
oh, and pepper's right that sign language can really help if a child is frustrated at lack of ability to verbalise (and many physically CAN'T verbalise effectively at that age; it's not just a mental-development thing). you might try it...although it might help if the daycare people also knew some rudimentary signs. it's way in vogue now; they'd be remiss not to.
Sep 5 2007, 10:04 AM
grenadine, girl you rock. yes, what you said, the acknowledging thing and repeating what they say. it's big, it makes such a difference.
i'm so sorry all you gals with an extra large kid to deal with too. i know they have their moments but right now, i'm so glad not to have to deal with mine. can you spell "recipe for disaster"? sigh.
Sep 5 2007, 10:23 AM
aw, pepper! thanks for the empathy about my XXXL kid... ;p...i need to be able to make fun of this situation sometimes. the pure truth is that, unlike many of the well-adjusted, intentional couples around here, if the mister hadn't gotten me knocked up and tricked me into marriage, i'd still be single and avoiding entanglements, since no one lives up to my standards. on the other hand, the mister can't be that dumb if he managed to pull of the above feats... (so i hope).
ETA: on another note entirely, i am eating fudge ripple ice cream for breakfast and the wee lass is FREAKING OUT! i think there's a dance party happening in there right now..
Sep 5 2007, 10:46 AM
We do the sign language/repeat verbalizations, and it works wonders about 90% of the time. The other 10%, well, she's 18 mos old, and there isn't all that much that will save tantrum land 100% of the time. I will discuss what is a "1-2-3" kind of offense, and what is an immediate diversion/punishment/disapproval issue with moxieman. I think that's where we differ, really. We're both on the same track for intention, just slightly off on implementation. And, our kid is smart enough to know that. And exploit it.
I will check the book out tonight, gren! Thanks for the recommendations.
Has the mister brought up any ideas of his own? He might have a good one or two in there. You've said respecting the will of the 2yr old, ya? Respect the will of the 30 year old? It can't be great for him to consistently hear disapproval from his wife, either. (ends butting in)
Sep 5 2007, 11:09 AM
oh, go ahead and butt in, i don't mind. he's 26, but yeah...we have a real divergence in philosophy/mode d'emploi, too, and it causes massive dissonance in our parenting. i'm very large-picture (what are the consequences of this in general? for the rest of the day?) and the mr gets very stuck in the moment and loses all sight of larger values/goals. also, i'm the sort who thinks things through and strategises, and he's the sort who feels strong emotion ("you are pissing me off! you must be punished!") and doesn't realise that he may be beating a dead horse.
<people not interested in butting into my personal life, stop reading here>
mox, what i figure is, either i'll totally destroy our relationship through my constant disapproval, or i'll manage to temper my expression thereof enough that he'll be able to see a way out and rise to the occasion. so far i'd give myself a C; half the time i'm just discouraging, the other half i'm a pretty good sounding board/coach. although this dynamic (of me being in a mentor role) isn't one i'm invested in, for now i don't mind and he...well, he acknowledges that in terms of hours spent making sense of things, i've got a lot more experience and perspective. i wish he WOULD have more ideas, but when we talk it usually takes the form of me quizzing him (e.g. "what do you think? what do you want to do?") and him demurring ("i don't know! it never occurred to me! i have no idea! i wasn't aware of that!"), so basically his position is "if i had been aware of what you're telling me, i would agree with you, but i HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON because THIS IS ALL NEW TO ME and I DON'T REALLY HAVE GOOD PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS."
so it's hard for me to know what to do. i'm lucky that in many ways he doesn't seem to mind my being the alpha-dog and that we still can stand each other.
also, i tend to be a lot more sympathetic to the child than to the parents. maybe a little too rousseauian, but still: the child is trying to make sense of his environment. the child is trying to meet his needs and figure out how the world works. the child acts without malice. the adult, on the other hand, 1)should know better, 2)has an enormous amount of power to influence to child's health, safety, surroundings, etc., and 3)is really (or should and can be) in control of both himself and the situation due to his far-superior skills and understanding. i think it's criminal when adults abuse their power and confuse children or treat them badly or shame them or send them messages that undermine them, no matter whether intentional or not. for my money, if you're not prepared to be the bigger person, then you should only hang out with people bigger than you, not the little ones for whom you can make such a huge difference for good or bad.
Sep 5 2007, 11:28 AM
Gren, thanks for not being pissed at a butter-inner (hm...that doesn't sound great on a parenting thread, eh?). I agree that we, as adults, should know better, but I'm not at all sure that I know everything, or that moxieman does, for that matter. OUr parenting style is like 90% in accordance, in that we both know we want our children to be fulfilled, proud, spirited human beings who can make decisions and use something resembling good judgement. Now, I say this being a Capricorn (leo ascendant), a husband who is SO a leo with CAP ascendant, and a daughter who is an aeries with virgo ascendant (all the women in my family are caps or aeries...makes for interesting dynamics)! Talk about 3 ways of stubborn. The only way to make it through parenting at all, I'd say, is loads and loads of open communication between all included parties.
Moxieman and I make a point of encouraging each other's parenting efforts, especially when a diversion or otherwise skillful evasion occurs.
Sep 5 2007, 11:49 AM
wow! aries and cap! too bad moxette is too big for the "little miss bossy" t-shirt someone gave me when i was p.g. with the bean...he did wear it a few times, but it would have been much better used chez mox.
all this positive reinforcement! it really goes against my traditional chinese upbringing (the parental line is: "STOP SUCKING. NO. REALLY. STOP."). there's actually much good in it, especially in our self-indulgent "me time" culture. and the chinese indulge the hell out of babies and have a very low suicide rate...
incidentally, the bean has been really into calling people bossy lately. he came home a month or two ago and said, "i'm bossy!" (which propelled the mr toward his record collection and the kelis song of the same name, which, if you don't know, is ridiculous.)
he also enjoys saying, "i'm a girl!" and patting the mr and saying, "good boy." (didn't get it from me, i swear.)
ETA: oh, and i appreciate the tact, but i'm not sure i know everything. i am, however, sure i know something, and trying to work with someone who's not sure of anything exaggerates my arrogance...
Sep 5 2007, 12:29 PM
Gren, we are alike in so many ways.
Anyway, we have no internet access at home and can't figure out why. I have a ton of work to do so for now will only say that the explaining in great detail why you can't do something, etc always bugged the hell out of me at the dog park too.
It goes right along with the people who say to the dog, while it's playing off leash across the park, "Come over here right now--we have to go home. I said come here right now. I'm leaving. If you don't come over here right now I'm leaving without you and you won't get any dinner...." And then when the dog finally came over to see what was up they'd hit the dog in frustration. So what you've taught the dog is "when I come to you, you hit me."
And the morons would wonder why the dog never came when they called.
Well first, he has no idea what the fuck you are going on and on and on about because you've never told him in a way he can understand. Second, see "what you've taught the dog" above.
This is why I never even for one second thought about having a kid with my first husband (who wanted a kid.) He didn't do what I've just talked about above, but he did have a lot of big failings int he understanding the world from the dog's point of view and acting appropriately and I knew that he wasn't going to magically suddenly be able to get if from a baby's point of view all of a sudden.
Anyway, like I said, tons of work. Oh, and not bob never sleeps in daycare. Poor kid. BUT--we had an almost sleep through the night last night (only one crying and needing a bit of help to get back to sleep as in "I must stand up. Wait--why am I standing up. I'm sooo tired. What do I do now???!!?? WAAAAAAAHHHHHH" kind of thing. I put him back down and he went back to sleep). It was hard getting him to bed , which suprised me as he was the amazing no sleep boy almost all day yesterday.
Sep 5 2007, 12:36 PM
Oh, and could give a lot of technically correct answers to my own question I asked yesterday when in my professional head, but sometimes you are just in the "WTF?" kind of head space. But point well made gren about it being more far reaching than parenting. No wonder the world's such a mess.
Sep 5 2007, 12:40 PM
ha, anoushh. i always think of the gary larson cartoon; the caption for one frame says "what we say to dogs" and the cartoon shows a man lecturing his dog: "Okay, Ginger! I've had it! You stay out of the garbage! Understand, Ginger? Stay out of the garbage, or else!"
the next frame is called "what they hear" and shows the same picture, but in the conversation bubble is: "blah blah GINGER blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah GINGER blah blah blah blah blah..."
good for sleeping!
the bean has taken to waking up once per night calling me, sounding alarmed. but he's usually not really awake and just takes a couple of pats to go back to sleep...and anyway, i'm waking up several times a night to a)eat extra meals b)wander around c)plumb the depths of my existential issues (preparing for Little Miss Bossy's imminent arrival, i guess)...
Sep 5 2007, 12:41 PM
oh, gren, that's not what I meant at all! I more meant that I in particular am more clueless than I expected to be at this stage of the game. I was a bit worried until about 5 minutes ago that #2 was coming, as i was days late, but, the MRG arrives, and all is well. I wonder if my exasperation with the little one had something to do with terror-stricken-ness about another? Y'a think?
Sep 5 2007, 01:03 PM
I loved that cartoon. And that was even before I had a dog or a kid.
Mox, I'd be panicked at the prospect of another (but then, I only ever wanted one.) But man, he's hard work. Apparently the mister was a troubled sleeper too as a little one. I
it was all his fault....
I have a lot of sympathy for that age. It must be both terrifying and exhilarating to realize your separateness from mom and its implications. It remains to be seen if I have the patience I'll need to deal with it.
So in his 10+ months we've had two nights of sleeping through the night....
Well, it's a start.
Sep 5 2007, 01:11 PM
yeah, i've always loved it, even though i've never had dogs. that cartoon is one of the few things my dad and i have in common.
there's a cat one where the "what they hear" doesn't even contain the cat's name, just "blah blah blah." ha.
glad your auntie flow came, mox! and yeah, the prospect of another IS terrifying. when i found out i was pregnant i was deeply troubled for a little while. in my case, though, it's forcing me to relax some about the bean in order to simply survive, which is probably a good thing. i just hope the mr can get off the waiting list and ON the schedule for that vasectomy, as i have probably 10-15 more child-bearing years left and do NOT intend to spend them bearing any more children. (and since we're clearly ridiculously fertile together, i may just abstain from sex until he does. or go on the pill, and i HATE HATE HATE hormonal birth control, but, well, i don't want to have to make the decision of whether to have a third child, barrier methods don't work for us, and it's obvious we're doomed.)
and mox, no worries.
i think that i'm going to feel that kind of "at sea" when i get to age six or so...i really do know younger children well, but for whatever reason i've never had much experience with/affinity for the older ones, so i can't even imagine what the early elementary years will be like.
Sep 5 2007, 01:21 PM
When I asked my doc recently about how he handles multiple c-sections, in addition to saying "your choice, VBAC or repeat C-sec", I asked him about the potential to have my tubes tied when we decide we're done (likely 3...maybe 2)...his reply "well, you're already open, why would i open you again. If you want it, that's the time." He followed up noting that he knows a good uriologist who does many a vasectomy. I appreciate my girlie-parts doc.
Sep 5 2007, 04:11 PM
Yep, that sounds like a very good doctor.
I have just earned $40 for participating in a research study about infant cpr, plus learned infant cpr in the bargain.
The down side is I still have a load of work to do. However, in a most unusual turn of events the mister had the day off and so he's having a day with notbob, which they are both enjoying.
(I just hope he hasn't given him anything weird to eat.)
Gosh, I need to start thinking about birth control really. I was taking the pill some time ago(for the last couple of years I used contraceptives) as it helped with some symptoms I had residual to PID years ago. Before that I used a diaphragm very happily for years (with occasional condom back up) until I started developing a bit of a sensitivity to the jelly.
Plus, the kind I used isn't even made any more, and I hate the one they have now. And it took so long to get pregnant we havn't used any birth control for nearly 3 years. Sex since the baby has been virtually non-existant due to horrendous work schedules, complications from birth, fatigue, and the amazing no sleep baby we've ended up with. Thankfully I'm healed--finally--the baby now sleeps (sort of) and the mister actually likes condoms. But at my age, even though the chance is very small, I can't afford to risk another pregnancy and I can't do hormonal contraceptives either.
Which, I suppose, leads us back to condoms. I guess I didn't need to think about it after all (but I've spent this time typing and even though I'm very fast I'm not deleting as it would then really feel like wasted time.)
Ok, work calls. Actually, it's shouting at me in a deafening manner. I'd best heed...
Sep 5 2007, 04:18 PM
mox, i said to my nurse practitioner that the if i ended up having to get a c-section for any reason, i'd get a tubal. it makes sense - as your doc says. but in the event that (hopefully) doesn't have to happen, i'm all for the vasectomy route. why should i have invasive surgery when he can have an outpatient procedure?
i had a cervical cap that i loved for years, and also had a diaphragm for a while, and the mr and i used condoms, but they all failed us, so we're not looking to take any chances now that we really ARE done.
anoushh, infant cpr is great. i just renewed my certification too, but had to pay for it, so good for you!
Sep 5 2007, 04:55 PM
my cpr is up to date but i need to brush up, who can remember all that stuff?! it's hard to keep the big person/little person timing etc sorted out. ugh, i'm having my period already (only 10 weeks!) and i am not ready to have to think about it. i'd go for sterilization if i was sure that i didn't want any more babies, which i'm not. one more, maybe, later later on, maybe? i'm healthy, i could do it in my 40's. le sigh, maybe.
Sep 5 2007, 05:20 PM
Well, in the interest that i/ve had total responsibility for our family planning (i take pill), I insisted that when we're done, he's getting fixed, regardless of my descision. I can't blame him totally, as we both HATE condoms, and I'm really quite sensitive to all manner of lube. But, after some discussion about "what if we broke up/died..." we both realized that when we make the descision to not have more children, it will be b/c neither of us wants more children. So, we both do the responsible thing for ourselves, and both get fixed.
Anyway, he's home, we had a great day and a supurb trip to the big bookstore. Moxette LOVES books, and was SO excited to run amongst the shelves. hehe...a bookworm. I'd love that.
Sep 5 2007, 05:31 PM
pepper, they've changed the guidelines and i believe it's now the same for big and little people - 30 compressions to 2 rescue breaths, and keep doing it until help arrives.
mox, i like your reasoning, but i'm still no-no on invasive surgery if it can be avoided. plus, BC has always worked perfectly for me with every other partner i've had. it's only the mr's super-sperm that get through my defenses!
the bean says, "look at my sandals! i'm a woman!"
ETA: my MIL has apparently given up on communicating with me directly, but has had HER MIL (the mr's grandma) email us (and the entire family) with a chatty letter including the information that although they'll be in europe sept 13-23 (hurrah!), they will be available on her regular cell phone number (how did they rig that? it wasn't a dual band last i heard) "SO THAT GREN AND THE MR CAN CALL THEM WITH ANY NEWS."
passive-aggressive much? eeps.
Sep 5 2007, 07:04 PM
gren, I was totally of your reasoning, until I had a c-section. Since I;m gonna be opened up anyway, it would take my mind off the subject.
Ok, kidlet is sleepy, I'm gonna go hang out with the hubby.
Sep 5 2007, 07:56 PM
kid is sleepING and i'm hanging out with you and eating late night pasta.
gren, i just took the course again late last year and some things are still different for littles than for bigs. can't remember what though, that book is somewhere amidst my other unpacking..
the library was fun. we ran into a mom i know at pick up, she's all au naturelle like me, and went book gathering together. we may have a play date with her kidlet on thursdays for about an hour while she's at work. yay, a friend for little! i spend so much time just holding and gooing at my gorgeous little girl, he needs someone to hang out with. i'm usless for 6 y/o stuff sometimes. i didn't get any of this nice, peaceful, quiet lovefest with him, he cried ALL THE TIME! she's just delightful, i suck it right up
Sep 6 2007, 12:08 PM
I'm obsessed with these stupid stick figure things people put on their cars.
I fucking HATE them.http://www.scrippsnews.com/node/19392
I need to get on creating a revised version of them. I always HATED those peeing calvin ones, but maybe i could make one of my stick figure shooting your cute stick figure family...
Um, ok, that's a bit over the top. I told you they get to me.
Sep 6 2007, 07:47 PM
ah, for the cooing and gooing. the bean was about half and half crying and not, definitely fussy from 4-6 pm until i figured out to just wear him. i'm wondering how this one will act...hopefully sleepy and peaceable, as a second child should.
anoushh, i think you need a massage, a martini, and a waterbed filled with eyecandy, not necessarily in that order.
i had to be at a faculty training all day today (and will all day tomorrow) and thus have barely been with the bean 2 hours and it's already bathtime. i hate these long days -- normally i'm never away from him for more than four or five hours. my whole goal is to not have him ever realise that i work full-time and think i'm mostly around with him. he is finally warming up to daddy, tho--- at cop today apparently asked for his daddy, who dropped him off and picked him up, at some point.
Sep 7 2007, 03:48 AM
ha ha anoushh, i was similarly obsessed with the yellow magnetic ribbons and the god bless america ribbons. i went around relieving people of their tacky ribbons when i was in a parking lot that sported too many for me to control myself.
Sep 8 2007, 10:56 AM
in other news...the bean ran around the house wearing underpants for a while this morning. we debated letting him wear them out (mr took him to the park), but i'm thinking it's best if he has a few successful potty uses at home, learns to take them off, etc., first. the underpants he wore were bob the builder hand-me-downs from his husky cousin -- they drooped and looked ridiculous, but since the bean still only weighs 25 lb., pretty much all underpants are going to droop and look ridiculous. unless anyone knows a french or chinese underpant company i can hit up...
also, the bean's latest is to go around on all fours (not crawling - legs extended so that he's on his feet and hands) and bellow, "i'm a MASTODON!!" yesterday he also informed us that his name is reginald, based on a robyn hitchcock song that includes the line, "sock it to me, reginald!"
what a weirdo.
Sep 8 2007, 02:04 PM
update: the bean has been put down for his nap and is now padding around his bedroom throwing hardcover books on the floor and over the baby gate. this makes me want to chew nails, but i am resisting intervening as he's been an instigatory little crapweasel ever since he got back from the park and i think ANY attention to this behavior will only encourage him. grr....
Sep 8 2007, 03:08 PM
gren, not quite underpants but these are terrific.http://www.wonderbabydesigns.com/pants.htm
get xs undies herehttp://www.dharmatrading.com/html/eng/2172-AA.shtml
don't chew nails girl, or Your nails either. go read a book mama. you'll find him asleep on the floor on a pile of books in no time
Sep 8 2007, 03:55 PM
hrumph...there must be something in the air that makes toddlers resist naps today. Moxette was a PILL at naptime, but, I was so fed up with her by then, that i didn't care if she didn't sleep right away. She was nicely fussy in her crib, and her lovies comforted her. Then, she slept for all of 45 minutes. Lovely.
Sep 8 2007, 05:08 PM
yeah...something like CRACK in the air. i ended up going in there 'cause i just couldn't stand it anymore. i held him (despite his struggling) until he calmed down and then got through singing half of "puff" before he passed out for 1.5 hours, a little short of normal but fine since he went down so late. but i hated every second of it. i'm constitutionally opposed to forcible restraint, but it seemed like the only thing to do...
i did intend to stay out, though. and thanks, pepper, for the links.
anyway, my toddler is just being kind of a pill today. i think partially because i've been away for 2 days (all day, which is unusual) at this faculty thing and also because i'm tired and cranky and, frankly, don't really want to be around when he's being this way even tho i missed him. also, i am OVER being pregnant. also, i have decided to get a full-time nanny so that neither the mr nor i has to raise our own children, because i think we're both incompetent boobs. guess the bean isn't the only one being a pill today.
oh and THIS is when you really start to miss the crib days. at least then they CAN fuss in their crib (as opposed to demolition of the entire room). i actually considered throwing him back in the crib, but he can climb out now so it would only result in a head injury, not sleep. drat.
Sep 8 2007, 09:04 PM
I'd really love to meet gnome obsessed Reginald the MASTODON.
Those sound like our regular sleep time situations over here at notbob-land.
Interestingly, he's gone down pretty easy the last few days. We took him out to the Celebration today and he actually went to sleep on his own in the chair when he got really tired while we were watching the parade. Amazing.
I'm tired and I'm off to bed. Which means as soon as I lay down he'll wake up crying, but oh well. I keep telling myself that at least it doesn't take 1-3 hours to get him back down like it did when he was tiny.
Sep 9 2007, 05:16 AM
well, we saw 2 molars later in the evening as she was giggling uproariously. Pill issue solved. Well, last week's pill issue. After the "nap", she was an absolutely delightful child to spend the day with. So, since we all rested when she did, we made out OK. She made it through the whole night/morning w/o needing me. This is still rare. Ok...7:30, waking up. gtg!
Sep 9 2007, 08:54 AM
isn't it funny how much the explanation helps dissipate the frustration? hope moxette is back to her old self again today...
well, we have reached at least a tentative agreement on names...i suggested a bunch of other names i might consider but knew he wouldn't, and then compromised on the middle name, so our current plan (which will probably become the final plan, since it's 38 weeks tomorrow) is verena as a first name. of course, she too may decide to change her name to "reginald" in a couple of years...
Sep 9 2007, 10:31 AM
yay! the gorgeous, unusual name wins out! fantastic. i'm all for unusual names. my parents made mine up, little's is a combination of two names and is unusual, and littlest's name is at least pretty uncommon
. we all have funky middle names too, with super duper extra personal meaning, and a great last name. i like the naming game, i had fun.
Sep 10 2007, 04:42 AM
i think little Verana Reginald will have the most fun as an adult amongst all the Jennys and Abbies and Hannahs out there.
Choosing the baby names is SO clearly a great, fun, game! We did come up with another one, Alix. Boy or girl, no? I like it. Only trouble is moxieman has a cousin Alexandra who goes by Alex...his poor gramma would be terribly confused.
38 weeks! Verana...you're baked baby! COME OUT! We all want to meet you, sista!
Pep...how's the princess faring? Make any headway on the border-crossing/birth certificate issue? I'd better get on that, too...
We had a rough early AM here. 4-4:30, woke up 3 times moaning. Gotta be teef (we peered out 2 more about to bust through). So, motrin, baba, back to sleep. 6:15, SCREAMING "Mama! Mama!" I rush downstairs to a sobbing baby girl. Picked her up, and she just sighed a huge sob onto my shoulder and cuddled in. Poor baby had a bad dream. We snuggled for a good 30 min, then back to bed. If it weren't for a seriously bad need to pee (sorry, TMI?), I'd still be cuddling her 20 min later.
Ok, well, she's sleeping soundly, my coffee is done, so I suppose I should do that work thing.
Sep 10 2007, 06:57 AM
my darling girl is an absoute angel. i really got lucky this time girls. i thank my lucky stars every day for this quiet, peaceful, charming, good sleeper.
after many phone calls all over the place i talked to an actual border guard (i could tell she really was one too 'cause she had 'the voice'. you know the one, the unamused dead serious monotone.) and she said i can cross with just her health card. now, we'll see if that's actually the case when we try to do it!
i'm off this morning to attend to the pile of paperwork required to register a baby born at home without a midwife. getting her ID is proving to be quite the adventure. my mom has to sign an affadavit that she's mine (like the leaky boobs and belly stripe aren't proof enough eh?) and i have to submit documents from the doctor i saw in BC and the nurses at the hospital we went in to the morning she was born. it's ridiculous, really. i mean, i have her health card, i'm getting a child tax credit for her, none of that required much of anything at all. i guess her birth certificate ( a document that no one at all even accepts as ID anymore) is super precious or something.
le sigh, i love parenting, just not this external junk that goes along with it.
ok, she juse gave a little squeal to let me know she was awake with a poopy bum and now she's here on my lap being a thumbsucking, warbling cutey. she's just getting the thumb action down, it's taken her a while to figure it out actually. it's funny.
Sep 10 2007, 05:04 PM
ah, yes...the luck of the draw. i think the bean is pretty middle of the road compared to the stories i hear, but his crying spells were really hard to take. so i wonder what this one will be like. i don't dare hope for a sleepy angel, but maybe if i cross my fingers...but really, as long as i don't get a grumpy (a couple of people i know have just these congenitally grumpy/curmudgeonly babies/toddlers and it's tough for them...especially when they respond better to someone else's kid!), i'll be okay. i think.
yup. pursuant to my declaring (to you) the tentative agreement, the mr approached me last night and said, "i've been thinking about it all day. let's do it. let's name her verena." so i guess it's a done deal unless she turns out to have surprised us and actually be a boy or something.
meanwhile, i'm exhausted because i've been up since 3:30, when the mister came to bed. and the bean woke up 40 minutes early, at ten of six, and ran to me to earnestly explain that he wanted to get the ichiro bobblehead down right away because ichiro wanted to touch the stars and he couldn't reach them.
*yawn* hope everyone else is getting enough rest. i'd rather not be running so low on energy when i go into labour, that's for sure. i've got the 38 week appointment tomorrow, tho, so hopefully i can see if anything's going on...
Sep 12 2007, 03:52 PM
Notbob keeps bursting into tears at daycare today. First I left. Then I had to come back b/c I'd forgotten the bottle nipple. The other baby was CRYING so he was too. Then he knew I was going to leave when I said "good bye" after I'd fed him and gotten him all calm and he started sobbing again. There's more, but you get hte idea.
I feel like hell and I'm so behind at work. Crap.
Sep 13 2007, 05:05 AM
annoush- he'll be fine. It takes some adjustment for the wee ones. Even now, we have to get moxette good and distracted to not have a scene when we leave. We generally use breakfast with her friends. In the infant room, we had to get her playing with something and/or with her favotite "teacher." And starting at 8-9 mos old, when separation anxiety is peaking, is really tough, too. This is a great way for him to learn, though, that mama comes back when she says she will. Doesn't make it suck any less, though.
Miss moxette was a pill this morning. Sheesh...she must have more teeth crowning through, b/c she would only sleep from 5:30-7:00 in.my,arms. This, after a baba, snuggles and motrin. Poor thing. She was very comfy in my arms, tho...so there is the sweet smell and sight of sleepy baby to have. As I drink coffee all day!
Ok, gots to run. Work. Awesome.
Hey, gren...how u doin?
Sep 13 2007, 07:11 AM
moxiegirl: how old is moxette again?
i'm wondering if mine is teething, but she's only 3 months? slobbering a lot, and keeps sucking and chewing her fingers so much so that she gags herself, then cries, then goes back to the sucking. oh wait, missed the rubs face with slobbery fingers with milk solids everywhere, gives the brightest smile, then goes back to the sucking frantically.
Sep 13 2007, 07:18 AM
sounds like teeth to me. but my girl is only 11 weeks and she does a fair bit of slobbery finger sucking too so who knows.
Sep 13 2007, 08:07 AM
ah, the separation woes...on tuesday i dropped the bean off at coop without me for the second time (but the first time the mr dropped him). i hung around for nearly an hour playing and then had to go to my 38 week appointment...and he FREAKED. crying, clinging, screaming, and when i finally detached him and gave him, still screaming, to another mom he started to wail, "i wanna go to the doctor with mama..." it was horrible. he's been whiny and clingy like that a lot lately, and so are a lot of the other kids, so i think there's a period of that at this age too. and i actually don't think he's worried about the new baby because we've been very positive and matter-of-fact about the baby (he knows the baby is in my tummy and it will come out and the doctor will check it and then we can take it home and it will cry and poop a lot). and he's never expressed any hostility or negativity toward the baby. (i'm of the opinion that adults 'seed' a lot of these negative behaviours by projecting their own issues, like when his great-grandma started telling him, "it's HARD to share..." when he was only a year old. HE didn't think it was hard to share, but she did her best to give him the idea! -- anyway, long digression, i'm just worried about the other coop parents giving him the idea that he SHOULD be threatened by the baby when he seems to look on it as a natural and shared event).
anyway, i was late to my appt. and felt awful, but he recovered ok, though he was weepy again when i picked him up.
meanwhile, i was 2 cm dilated on tuesday! i'm excited because any dilation that happens before active labour means less work to do IN labour. i think i may be another cm or so already, as yesterday (in faculty meetings all day where half the people don't know i'm pregnant...i dressed to downplay) i was having some mild contractions. so it could be anytime. i'm thinking maybe this weekend or early next week.
god, mox, i SO long for the time when i can drink coffee all day!
i am being summoned...if you don't hear from me, i'll check in when we're a foursome. but i think maybe i'll be around for a few days yet.
Sep 13 2007, 09:18 AM
Dr. Brazelton (guru supremeo) maintains that a well adjusted child, anywhere from 9 mos up to about 3, will be upset to some degree when a parent leaves. And when the parent picks up. Its about asserting him/herself as much as missing the parent. "Wait...I WANT to GO with YOU" as much as "hey, i'll miss you". The best we can do is influence at home and trust that we can shape how they will respond to everything else. The outside world is waiting for them whether we want it to or not.
Sep 13 2007, 10:11 AM
QUOTE(karcher @ Sep 13 2007, 01:28 PM)
i'm wondering if mine is teething, but she's only 3 months? slobbering a lot, and keeps sucking and chewing her fingers so much so that she gags herself, then cries, then goes back to the sucking. oh wait, missed the rubs face with slobbery fingers with milk solids everywhere, gives the brightest smile, then goes back to the sucking frantically.
We thought so too at three months, especially since he did the wake up suddenly screaming thing, too, but he didn't get a tooth until 9 months. I think he was just being a three month old, and I bet yours is too. Some do get teeth really early though.
Thanks for the perspective mox and gren. I know it's normal--my area of work until recently (and still my preferred area) was about attachment issues--but when it's your own kid it's different, isn't it? So much harder to have any sense of perspective. Also, I have my own attachment issues from my childhood (which is, of course, part of why I got into that line of work) and it so quickly penetrates right to that part of my psyche that is most sensitive to it.
Tons to get done before I pick the young man up. 10 days till my mother gets back and I get a bit of a break. Of course then I have to REALLY lay it on at work as just a few days after that we are off to the UK (which I'm dreading more and more.) I don't know how single parents do it.
Sep 13 2007, 10:39 AM
woohoo happy dilation vibes to gren!
argh! i am sorry about the separation woes you guys are feeling. i am so not looking forward to that. i'll be putting jackaroo in daycare in the next month or so. i lost my work from home job so i'm working to find another job as soon as i can. it really sucks to think of the stress of a new job multiplied by the stress of having to put my smiling boy in someone else's care. BUT i keep looking to you ladies as fine examples of making it work and it makes me feel a lot better. i've not been away from him for more than three hours at a time so far. it's definitely going to be rough, but i am hoping to find a center close enough to my new office (wherever that may be!) so that i can visit for my lunch hours.
he is 9 1/2 weeks now and is laying here on the couch beside me, just looking up and cooing and smiling at me so sweetly. he had his two month shots yesterday and is still a little cranky over it here and there. i keep thinking he feels feverish but doesn't seem to have one. of course, i'm only using a little forehead strip because i am still squeamish about the rectal thermometer. i realllly don't want to hurt my little guy. especially since he just got poked four times yesterday.
i posted in the okay thread that i was feeling a little scared about having him vaccinated with four at one time. i was surfing around yesterday when we got home from the doc office yesterday and found some really scary statistics about immunizations and now i'm torn. i know they'll prevent him from getting these diseases, but the thought of putting him in danger makes me feel like a horrible momma! i'm just trying to breathe. i know they won't allow him at the nursery without his immunization records and i have to work or we'll be living in a box. so that pretty much makes the decision for me. thanks, moxie, for talking me down.
oh, and gren mentioned the happiest toddler
book. i've got the happiest baby on the block
dvd by the same doc. it's pretty amazing how this guy is able to calm babies but (not to brag or anything) the most that the dvd did for me was remind me of how lucky i was to get such an easy baby. some of the mothers talked about 6-9 hour crying jags and i've luckily not had to worry about that at all. still, i think i'll buy the happiest toddler book just because i really like dr. karp's approach.
and yes, mox, i'll be buying touchpoints
soon as well. hope the pinkeye clears up soon! not looking forward to that either!
Sep 13 2007, 10:47 AM
FJ--I totally understand your worries about vaccinations. Of course you worry about possible side effects, etc.
But we have really forgotten how terribly the diseases are that they are being vaccinated against. And with increasing numbers of people not being vaccinated there are more and more outbreaks of measles and other preventable diseases. Lots of kids died or were terribly harmed by these diseases, and now we can prevent them.
I worry too, of course, but I'd worry even more about not getting the vaccines. That's how I think about it.
Sep 13 2007, 11:00 AM
well, we had separation crying again this morning, but it lasted not nearly as long. another mom held him and i could hear him stop before i was out of the stairwell. anyway...
from a public health perspective, vaccinations are the way to go. from an individual perspective, not necessarily. personally, we got the full complement and i regret that we got the chicken pox vaccine, as it wears off in young adulthood (which is a much more dangerous time to get that disease!). i'm paranoid enough about exposure to bloodborne pathogens that i don't particularly regret getting the hep b vaccine, though i would have been happy to delay that until adolescence as well.
i think it's important to remember that it's not an either/or situation -- you can choose some and not others, or you can choose to stagger them more rather than getting them all at once, AND you can ask for a complete ingredient list to make sure that the ones with mercury aren't still hanging around (this has happened to people i know!). the current mode of delivery is based on efficiency and cost effectiveness, not on what is best for your individual child's health.
back to separation, when i was a babysitter i was a CHAMP at distracting/diverting kids and always assured parents that the kid always stopped crying within minutes, if not seconds. but of course it's so hard to be on the other end of that.
fj, good luck with the job/daycare situation. and do keep your eyes open for a job that lets you do some work-from-home or has an onsite daycare or...somehow lets you not be separated for quite so long if you don't choose to be.
Sep 13 2007, 11:21 AM
ok, i am getting exactly NOTHING done around here. we're working up to two months and i am still not unpacked. the house is in utter shambles and i am still in my pj's and need a shower. no, she does not cry but she also doesn't sleep for more than a wee cat nap at a time during the day. argh, i need another body here to hold her and talk to her while i get shit done! i could leave her in her bouncy chair but that is just mean (even though she won't cry about it, how boring!). ok, i have to drink some beer or something. if ti doesn't make her sleepy next time i nurse her at least i might get relaxed (and sleep through picking little up from school. ah, forget it).
*messy house, messy girl*
i don't vaccinate. luckily here in canada no one can force you to, whether your kids are in care or not. not only do i not agree with vaccines, my brother nearly died from one of his as a baby and he NEVER recovered fully. he was unbelievably problematic as a baby and child and he's been living in care for over a decade now. tragic that one of the "terrible stories" that you hear actually happened to my family but there you go. i've done a lot of research and personally i'd rather have a go with measels than a shot. having measles really isn't that bad. i DID want to get tetanus but they don't even make it as a single dose vaccine anymore. it comes with two others, one of which is contentious and suspect. big pharma is the devil, i swear.
Sep 13 2007, 11:55 AM
FJ- a word on visiting during lunch. It broke my heart to leave her twice in the same day. Still does. Granted, moxieman does most of the "drop-off" and I'm pick-up, but it just wrecked me. Some moms can do it, though. Not many I know, but I've heard of it. Gren does it at the co-op, ya? I did find that the first couple weeks were very hard on me - going from total togetherness to long separation is grueling. After the first couple weeks, though, I'd find myself even going home first to change and have a snack before pick up. The 5-10 min of alone time made me a much better mom in the evenings. Don't need that so much now, though, that moxette is happy to "help" me cook. Anyway, make sure the daycare is open to visiting, and is always available for "call-ins".
Technically, the government doesn't require vaccinations here in the US either, but there is a HUGE rigamarole for getting the exemptions. Gren is right- talk to your doc about staggering more, or whatever else makes you and jackaroo more comfortable. I insist that moxieman come to all well-baby visits. One- he's her dad and he is just as important to her development as I am; two - he does better holding her during shots. My little girl is having her 18 month well baby next week!! Gah!
And, if brazelton's book on discipline doesn't light some fires, I'm heading to Happy Toddler. I'd trust a bustie recc anyday!