Help - Search - Members - Calendar
Full Version: How do you know a guy is a "good" one...
The BUST Lounge > Forums > The Mating Game
Pages: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9
QUOTE(neurotic.nelly @ Apr 22 2008, 01:57 AM) *
when he cleans the whole house of his own accord, even the bathroom - which he never ever cleans!

How the hell did you get him to clean the bathroom?!!
Good question, you should make an instruction manual Nelly! I cant get mine to do anything anymore. He changed it up on a sista. I was looking back over my old posts where i was totally smitten and telling of all his goodness... now 6 months later, he's still a good guy. JUST LAZY!
I think he feels a little guilty about our financial situation at the moment. Cleaning the bathroom is something he could do that he knew I would really appreciate without having to spend anything.
when he goes out into the rain at 11pm, to buy lemsip because you've run out.

and then doesn't complain when you cough through the night nonetheless.
He offers to cook while I do some other chore - all the time! We really work together as a team.

He is helping me work through some deep seated issues, and vice versa.
when he always lets you sleep late, and makes you breakfast while you are taking a shower
He cleans up the whole apartment, and does the laundry.

He tells you he loves you, after you chew him out for nothing before bed last night because you've got pms. It totally calms you down and puts you to sleep.
He supports you monetarily cause he loves you and doesn't complain about it.

He understands that you are just tryin to find your "flow" and forgives your lil' tantrums that are sometimes directed at him for silly reasons.

He gives you a promise ring out of a bagel....
boy makes the best cosmos and mojitos on the planet.
what? he's not gay, I swear...tongue.gif
hmm, I just started dating this guy and he bought me my favorite movie from my childhood on DVD after hearing me talk about it once. He wrapped it in a bike map (we are both cyclists) and included a card that said, "A classy movie for a classy lady, with much bile, ____"

The movie in question is RHINESTONE, and for those of you not familiar with the magical tale of Sylvester Stallone's transformation from uncouth cabbie to country music sensation at the hands of Dolly "Svengali" Parton, um, it's f***ing AWESOME. He looked a little sad about having to watch it at first, but in the end realized that my taste in movies as a seven year old was pretty damn good.

Oh, and this was cute too. On one of our bike rides we stopped to get a Dunkin Donut and coffee. We were sitting on a brick wall, chowing down, when all of the sudden a manhole blew up in front of us. It was so exciting! Later when we talked about it he said, "I think you and I think alike." I said, "how's that?" He said, "because I thought the exploding manhole was a good omen, and I figured you probably did too."

This guy is such a hero! And we have so much fun. It sounds like there are a bunch of winners in this crowd. To paraphrase Deneice Williams, let's hear it for the boys.
When you've been in hospital all week & think you're hallucinating when he' scratching your back, but it's not a hallucination. I hallucinated several times that my cats were nibbling my fingers & just messing about.

When he doesn't show the same panic as you & just makes you feel safe & loved. Even if you are hurling violently into a bin.

ETA, When he goes after your meds & makes you soup while you Bust without nary a whimper.
((AP)) Sounds ruff, hope it gets better soon.

When you say, apprehensively, that you think women are morally superior to men. ( you don't mean it, you're just sick of being oogled ).

And he looks up from his burrito to reply that clearly women should be in charge.
Last night dancerboy came over to pick up some stuff and spend a little time together before he leaves. I'd been working all day and wanted to shower when I got home so I set him up with one of my ps2 games.

When I came down I watched him play for a while (I hadn't played that game in a long time, and it's one player anyway) and gave him pointers every now and then.

At one point he put down the controller, looked at me, and said "You know, I don't know any other girls who play video games, like actually play, and really enjoy it. Do you know how rare you are?"

It was really sweet. wub.gif
QUOTE(obelix2 @ Feb 19 2008, 10:32 PM) *
-when he suggests that you each count your farts all day to see who's the gassiest

OMG, this made me laugh like a goon! I have not laughed so hard in days.

I'd add that a good guy is one who doesn't give you shit for accidental farts in bed or while relaxing on the couch, watching tv. And actually finds them amusing.
Girl, frustrated
has anyone dated a man 25 years older than yourself? just curious. i am currently in a relationship with a man in his mid 50s...and i am starting to notice little people staring at us in restaurants...people mistaking me for his daughter, etc.
QUOTE(Girl, frustrated @ Jul 11 2008, 11:11 AM) *
has anyone dated a man 25 years older than yourself? just curious. i am currently in a relationship with a man in his mid 50s...and i am starting to notice little people staring at us in restaurants...people mistaking me for his daughter, etc.

Hi Girl, this is really more a question for the "General Dating Questions" thread.

I'll bump it for ya.
Girl, frustrated
QUOTE(geekchickknits @ Jul 11 2008, 12:08 PM) *
Hi Girl, this is really more a question for the "General Dating Questions" thread.

I'll bump it for ya.

thanks...i wasn't paying very close attention...
aww, I just got an email from the man,

subject: I'm off

to get my penis poked. I'll call you later.

He's getting all the requisite STI testing done tonight, with minimal prodding from me, to ease my mind. When I opened this email I kind of cringed and smiled simultaneously.
My main piece of advice is to try and see the person as an entity in and of himself and try as hard as you can not to compare him to your ex boyfriend/friend's boyfriends/guys in the media.

My ex completely showered me in attention, was constantly displaying in one way or the other how much he loved me and was sensitive to all my girly romantic feelings (which later developed into him stalking me for five months after I broke up with him...) On the other hand my boyfriend now isn't very open with his feelings and is habitually distant. When I was first adjusting to this relationship (because I was comparing it to my other one) I thought that this meant things were lacking. And while this still may upset me now and again does this mean that he is at all a bad boyfriend? Absolutely not. In fact, it makes all of the times he does display his affection and tells me he loves me (which really isn't rare unless, again, I make the mistake of comparison) much more special and meaningful. When you say "I love you" as a goodbye to every conversation of every night of every week it loses something. When we do exchange it now I know it's not casually thrown into the conversation but instead is weighted with real importance.
I think that the words I love you should definitely not be used at the end of every phone call or conversation. When you do over-use it, it becomes the same as "hello" or "goodbye".. it doesn't have anything special anymore and you don't think about what it actually means.

I am not from the U.S. and I noticed that Americans use I love you a lot more often than we do over here (North-Western Europe). Maybe it's a considence that I have met Americans who used it very casually or maybe I'm also influenced by what I see on TV and the movies (which is from the U.S. mostly). Between friends it's also quite common to use I love you, or not? Here it's definitely not! If you would say that to a friend, you will probably raise an eyebrow.. unless you have known eachother since kindergarten or something.

bump for nelly
My boyfriend would do anything for me. He is such a lovely and considerate man and I am so incredibly lucky to be with him. We are moving to a new city, starting our life together, and he is making sacrifices for me. He threw a lot of his things out whilst packing this weekend so that I would have more room (in the moving van and in flat) for my things as he knows how upset and stressed I am about what I can and cannot pack. He is doing everything that he can to make this as easy for me as possible and he is taking the bulk of the stress, pressure and responsibility on him to prevent me from worrying. He is my world wub.gif.
Bunny, isn't that great? Mcgeek threw out some of his geekiest t-shirts for me, so we wouldn't have to buy an new wardrobe, as we're moving it a lot of my old stuff. smile.gif He also lets me kick his ass at Wii boxing.

My mister was wonderful to me this summer... buying gig tickets and ensuring we got the best of our (alone) time together. We usually take at least one trip together each year--we couldn't pull that off this summer so he made sure we still had fun together through doing fun things at home.

He also just bought me the funniest t-shirt which I'll have to post sometime... he's a keeper for sure. I post here to remind myself not to take him and his kindness for granted.
he made a "nn rox" list this morning before work and told me to look at it from time to time today. now that's something my therapist would do, my heart melted! he's actually listening, and trying to help.
When he sends you texts with lyrics from your favorite Paul McCartney song...

When the two of you can have completely serious/silly conversations about Lord of the Rings and Star Wars...

When he'll waste time with you just walking around the bookstore (and actually enjoys it)...

When he builds a fort with you in your dorm (because you're both mature adults now) and hangs out in it with you until 2 am just eating candy, listening to music and talking...

When he still wants you after a summer of listening to you vent about how much you're crushing on one of his closest friends...

When he tells you he loves you and how beautiful you are, and you can tell that he really means it.
I am endlessly impressed with my L-D guy right now. He had his phone appointment with the judge today regarding his DUI and he totally defended himself, to the point that the judge said off the record that he defended himself better than an attorney could. My guy was prepared in advance, having gone to the law library a week ago and found case law that would defend him against receiving a 30-day suspension. There's a case on the books stating that a police officer can't pull a person over for drunk driving without first observing them drive for a certain amount of time. The police officer who pulled over my guy did so in less than that amount of time, so the officer wasn't able to thoroughly judge his driving ability. The officer also pulled him over on a tip from a family at the restaurant where my guy had eaten dinner and had some beer. Not that my guy was drunk when he left the restaurant; he simply lives in a small town where overly concerned citizens like to play watchdog by calling in potential 'problems.' So the officer was already tipped off and looking for him when he drove down the road. Rather than use his powers of observation to see whether my guy was driving erratically, the officer simply pulled him over the second my guy passed him in his car. The judge was so impressed with how my guy defended himself, and the fact that he brought up the case law that the judge said he needed time to review it before making a decision. My guy's attorney said that's a rare thing, that the judge usually makes a ruling right then. So if all else goes well for him, he may not get a suspension and hopefully won't be put on a 4-month probationary driving period.

This tells me he's a good one because he's got the confidence to stand up for himself in an assertive (not aggressive) way, and work to achieve the outcome he wants. This after years of dating guys with no self confidence, who don't even have the strength to call up their cell phone company, work out a payment plan and get them to stop their harassing bill collector's calls. ...Long story, but it relates to a specific situation I lived through while dating a very sweet but spineless guy who could not even stand up to his cell phone company and get what he wanted from them. Suffice to say, my current L-D guy has the personal strength to do what it takes to protect himself from a potentially damaging situation, and I'm endlessly impressed with that. It makes me hot just to think about it.
when you tell him that you'd rather he call you than text so that you can chat, and - even though he still only contacts you every 2-3 days or so - when he contacts you now he does it more often by phone call, not text, and initiates a conversation. Making you feel like it didn't just go in one ear and out the other.
When you're exhausted from writing a paper that never ends, and you go over for a visit he lies in bed with you for an hour so you can half-nap, getting cat hair all over his work clothes while doing so.
I was sick with the flu, and lamenting to my bf on the phone about how there was no "flu food" in the house, going on and on in a sick-induced tangent that if my grandma were there she would make me soup and bring me tea and ginger ale and popsicles and cut up watermelon etc. etc. He offered to come over and make me something, but I declined because I felt an awful mess and just wanted to be alone with my miserable sickness. Half an hour later, I get a text that says "go look out your front door". He'd gone shopping, driven to my house and left bags with every food I had mentioned on my doorstep! SUCH a sweetheart.

Also, hi smile.gif I've never posted in this thread before but I love reading everyone's stories!
when you, he, and your whole group of friends are meeting up at a bar, and you and he show up independently of one another, dressed in totally unplanned, coordinating outfits. As in, you're wearing red jeans and a black top, and he's wearing black jeans and a red top. And when your friends start giving you both shit, he just says to them "ah well, if this was halloween, we'd just tell you we were dressed as the White Stripes." hahahahaha. Nearly lost my beer at that one...
when he checks your back for blackheads and then deftly removes them

when he apologizes and says " you were right".
When after a childish bout of pouty insecurity he shouts in frustration, "You're the ONLY one that I want - if I wanted another girl, I'd have you cloned!"... rolleyes.gif

When he holds you without having to ask him to for as long as you want him to...

When he transfers your favourite food thing from his plate to yours in the middle of a sentence at lunch - like it was the most normal thing to do...

When he slips money into your wallet when you're broke without you having said anything, and doesn't ever mention it...

When he gives you a soapy massage in the shower together because you'd mentioned a that you had sore shoulders on the phone the previous evening, and he remembers...

I could go on and on and on and on *sigh* I'm totally whipped
Is anyone else here really worried because their boyfriend does none of these things? sad.gif

Oh to have a thoughtful fellow who cleans the bathroom!
Total geek confession in here so don't say I didn't warn you...

When he realizes that you are feeling really sick because you haven't eaten and drank a couple of beers too fast so he gets up in between pulls while you are playing wow together to make you a bagel with peanut butter.
When he tells you over and over again that he can't get over how soft your skin is and that you are the most kissable girl he's ever met.
When he tells you how sexy and beautiful you are, even when you are snotty and coughing and frankly rather disgusting. And he means it.

(Right there with you on the bathroom cleaning, edithdumplings!)
Edithdumplings, although my mister and I bump heads regularly on ongoing issues, we're still in a really good place these days (I know that sounds contradictory: ah, relationships!) However, dude has never been great at cleaning the bathroom, if he does it at all.

The theme of shared housework, or lack thereof, has (understandably) surfaced repeatedly in the Committed thread, if you ever want to post more about this. In any case, I totally feel your pain. blink.gif
QUOTE(edithdumplings @ Dec 3 2008, 03:24 AM) *
Is anyone else here really worried because their boyfriend does none of these things? sad.gif

Oh to have a thoughtful fellow who cleans the bathroom!

I've yet to meet a guy who does any of the things posted here, too, and I've been dating/in relationships for approximately 20 years. I *have* had one or two guys do other sweet things for me, but they were very few and far between, and the things done never showed any awareness of my unspoken feelings/needs (except for one instance that I can think of).

After 20 years, I think I've finally found a guy who's may be in the running. Things are still new with us, though, and we don't see each other on a regular basis since he lives 5 hours away. But, hopefully, if we ever decide to work on building a relationship, he'd show some of the thoughtfulness, care and love the ladies have written about here. So far, I'm just exceedingly impressed to have met a guy who means what he says and backs it up with action. The rest remains to be seen. Waiting is a bitch, but when it's right, you realize it's worth the time.
Edith - the day G cleans the bathroom, picks his laundry off the floor or does the washing up without being asked is the day hell freezes over (see also: cooking). To be fair, he doesn't live here, and he *does* take my dog for a walk, but I know what you mean.

That said, he is kind and thoughtful. And promises to stay over when I go away to look after my rabbit until my dad (with car) can pick her up to take her to the boarding place... Even though he's not convinced the rabbit isn't going to bite him every time she hops past
Hee hee, take a look

at this book

mornington, do you have a Monty Python rabbit??
lily- my mom gave me that book last year, also Stud Muffins
lilly - not any more; she was badly treated when young, and so was aggressive when I first brought her home (she was a stray) but she's been spayed now, and she's chilled out no end. She is, however, aggressively curious - she's stick her nose into anything, and being a bunny, will then try to see if it's edible. This includes his trainers.
when within the first month you start dating, the first time he ever sleeps over at your house, you get sick and puke all over yourself and the bed, and instead of getting grossed out, he helps you clean up the bed and sits with you in the bath tub to make sure you feel better.

when you have pushed him away in every way possible due to severe depression and instead of leaving when you offer him a way out and tell him he could leave, he sticks by your side and reminds you everyday that he loves you more than ever
When he intervenes to stop a quite drunk male friend sleeping with a very drunk girl, telling him "They might not be able to prosecute you for it, but it'll still be wrong".

ETA: Yay anoel, he sounds like a sweetie!
When he helps you create an Excel schedule on his laptop to help you organize your hectic, anxiety filled days.

When he breaks into song with you lip syncing with "Can't take my eyes off of you" on your laptop and slow dances with you in the kitchen.

when he is at this very moment making me breakfast (er..lunch?) in bed...
i'm nothing but suspicious tongue.gif
When you come home from a FREEZING day of xmas shopping & find you have received an utterly amazing holiday gift even though you're not really sure where you stand. Yeah, I ordered him a few bespoke shirts & bought him some cufflinks, but this over the freakin' top!
When you're having a bad night and burst into tears and he tells you that he wants to be there for you and help you and support you. (I think I've only ever cried in front of another boyfriend once...and it was when I was breaking up with him...)
This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please click here.
Invision Power Board © 2001-2016 Invision Power Services, Inc.