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Full Version: Okay...where's the "Okay...well, what about THIS?" thread?
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Jami, darling, I think your quiet evening at home with good friends, movies and fresh popcorn sounds absolutely divine. Only thing better would be a crackling fire to cozy up next to, but not many of those around here in the city - maybe folks have fireplaces out where you live. I do miss them when the weather turns cold.

Yeah, doodle, I am thinking more and more about contracting for awhile - I think it would be good for me to try on different work places...but I think I'll probably stay where I am for a few more months to get my year of service in, to make it more legit, and search from where I'm at for awhile. Come July-ish, if I'm still feeling trapped, then I'll bail. But I like the idea of entering a more exploratory phase of my career.

And YAY for your expanding musical circle, Doodle! Sounds like you had a great time last night, and I give you much credit for exploring common musical ground with younger musicians - especially the DC-haters. tongue.gif

Turbomann and I went to see the movie "In Bruges" this afternoon....uh, I'm not sure I liked it, but mostly because the previews led me to believe that it was a dark comedy, and wasn't. There were funny moments, but it was just plain dark, and a tad violent. Perhaps if I was just expecting a dark film, I would have enjoyed it more. But Colin Ferrell does give a spectacular performance.

And tonight, turbomann are attending a "bad t-shirt" party - should be fun! I have one that says "All I care about is ink colors, fonts and crap like that." Turbomann's harkens back to our 80s childhood and days of playing Oregon Trail on our first 286Mb computers, and says "You have died of dysentery," and has a pic of the oxen and cart on it. funny shit.
Drive-by to say CONGRATULATIONS, JAMI! Hooray for freedom!

Congrats to Doodle, too, on the new job!

Jenn you have been complaining about the higer-ups at that job for aaaaaaages. You need to look into working elsewhere, hon.

Tree, a pizza sounds fabulous. I may steal that idea.


Sheff & I adopted a cat this week! She's a 9 year old tuxedo cat named Millie. Her old owner was an elderly woman who can't take care of her anymore. So sad. She came home to us last night & she already seems pretty content. We love her to bits. Happily, she seems very fond of us, too. smile.gif
Oh my fucking god - is THIS what being back to work is going to be like? Up at 8 even on the damned weekends? Bah.

jami - don't take the "stress" answer from your doc until they've ruled out other things. My periods used to skip like that (one time I went 5 months without a period), and I allowed them to give me the "stress" response for years, but it turns out I have polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), which is perfectly treatable. Nobody caught it until my hair started falling out last spring, at which point I freaked totally (as several Okayers can attest to) and demanded a diagnosis. It might not be PCOS with you, but it could be something else that's going unrecognized.

rose, that's so sweet of you to adopt an older kitty! Do you have a pic you can post?

turbo, I hear you on wanting to put in your year of service, but I think NOT putting it in is perfectly explainable during future job interviews without having to give away your personal conflicts with the job. You just have to plan your response to that question in advance (i.e., "I realized I wanted to make a change of career" or "I was offered a position somewhere else that was more in line with what I really want to do"), and most employers will accept that, because it shows you are consciously committed to your own career goals and personal job satisfaction (speaking as someone who's been on the other side of the interview table). You are SO unhappy there - why torture yourself till July if you don't have to? That's five whole months! And (speaking as someone whose life satisfaction needs were crystalized by the whole near-death thing!), what if you fall under a bus in four months and never got to try what you really want to do? Anyway, I'm not lecturing, just putting it out there. wink.gif How did your party go? What other kinds of t-shirts were there?

Sooooo....I start my first training shift at the clothing store on Thursday evening! WOOT! I don't know more than that of my schedule yet, but I will know Monday. This is my new employer, and if you scroll down to the bottom, you'll see 2 other stores that are also under that one's banner locally (because we are a small community) - it's basically a huge store that contains 3 stores. The MXM line is my favourite. The manager SOOOO wants me there - I can't believe how flexible she is willing to be for me, around whatever kind of other job/career I want to do, whether it's temping or something more permanent.

I also ran into an old friend/board member from the women's centre at the store - she kept looking me up and down and saying, "Wow, you look GREAT! OMG, you really DID need to leave the women's centre!" Yeah, no duh.

It's funny, but even though I'm not making as much money as I did at the women's centre, I'm doing exactly what I wanted to do in my early 20s, but didn't have the personal confidence to go after (and I also I felt so much pressure to figure out a "proper" career and life direction back then). If I could have chosen anything for myself in my early 20s, I would have been temping in offices, dabbling in plus-size fashion, and spending my "real" time making music and performing (and making art, and writing). Of course, back then, I also really wanted to do something in feminism and the human rights arena...but I've done that now - for MUCH longer than I ever envisioned - so I can move on! So even though I'm poorer than I've been in a long time, and my love life is consistently unsatisfying, I'm happier than I think I've been since I was a little kid pretending to be Wonder Woman in the basement.

Yesterday I took the gay ex-priest with me when I went out, and we wound up at Starfucks, hanging out with this gay couple who were friggin' HILARIOUS...really fun, and really good for the gay ex-priest, too, who doesn't get out much since disability took over his life. Lots of penis jokes, too. wink.gif

And I took last night all to myself and played a bunch of songs I haven't played for awhile, with my "new" guitar and vocal skills - awesome! I think I found a few more I want to do at open mike/jam. I think I'm gonna ask guitarboy if I can borrow his guitar (which is wired and therefore loud enough for jamming, unlike mine), so I don't have to ask SRG if I can borrow his. Then when I have a bit more cash, I think I'm gonna pay to get mine wired, too.

This morning George was pestering me out of boredom, so I just built a bunch of temporary play forts and the kitties are going wild, stalking each other and playing around. biggrin.gif
Good Morning!!!

It's a beautiful day here, was up early, took the hound out for a nice long walk. It's only getting nicer through the day, so it'll be another long walk today for her. Also did a workout, I'll do more later.

Kari, I'd head to the doctor just to make sure everything is okay as well.

Doodle, landslide is a great song!!! I heart me some Fleetwood Mac, if I'm having a shit day I'll listen to the best of and it's fabulous! Same with The Dance. I'm so happy that you are really enjoying things right now! Work, music, just happy an stuff!!! I love hanging out with gay men, love the penis talk.

Turbo, how was your bad t-shirt party last night?

Hey RV! YAY on new fur baby!!

Okay, here's the cop deal-yo. So, as we know him and I are NOT dating, he hit on me in October, I went home with him and the rest is history. I know him, it's not like he came out of no where. So, since we aren't dating, I've seen some other people as well, not a big deal, I play safe. I've been tested etc. The cop and I also play safe. So last weekend, there is this blonde (who I suspected he had slept with before) who's part of the group of people I hang out with, but she doesn't come out that often as she's a single mom with three kids. So, last weekend, their flirting and stuff, I don't really careas we aren't dating. AHis best friend, who is also one of my friends, confirmed that there was something going on between them. Again, not a big deal to me.

So I go over there on Friday and we are chatting and I told him there was this woman who I was kind of into, and said I've previously proposed three (another one of me things, you can see the portions thread, I'll spare the details, I find three much fun). So, he got kinda weird and territorial about me. Asking questions and what not I kind of felt like I was being grilled. I'm thinking, dude, we aren't freakin' dating, you can't have your cake and eat it too. You are "involved" with someone else too! I'm thinking that he can't be that thick that he thinks I'm monogomously banging him. So, I'm a little weirded out by it. It's not like I told him about the manager of the bar who I had fun with in the dj booth. Or the others.

So, that's the details. I've asked some friends and they suspect feelings are involved or he's just really territorial. Regardless though, there is no dating! What's so hard to get?

Hiya CH! What is the deal with some men wanting to be "free" and then getting so possessive and weird when it comes to "their" women? Damned hypocrites, some of them. I suppose there are women like that too, but I don't seem to hear about it as often. That's great you are having a lovely day there - it's gorgeous and sunny here, too, but I'm just hanging out inside....I can stare at the river when I need a nature fix. wink.gif I AM wearing my sunglasses, though. It's very bright in here. tongue.gif

I tell ya, one bonus thing I'm looking forward to about this other job....being on the move and getting paid for it! Strictly desk work is already making my back ache. Even in the women's centre, I didn't ride the desk all the time, and I've not been working for about a year, so desk-sitting is fairly foreign to me now, unless I'm online.

I've got part of a doobie hippiegirl left from Friday's jam; I think I might smoke it this afternoon and play some more music....(ETA: okay, it's noon, I'm smoking it RIGHT NOW.)
Word Doodle! He really has no idea at what's gone on since I met him. I don't think that he's eager to walk away, I'm 12 years younger than him! Men have their little thing about younger women, just like I have my older men fetish. Heh.

Enjoy your J! I'm going to work out some more.
I wish I had a fetish. *sigh* I like musicians. But not all of them. I do have a bit of a thing for bass players, I guess. Seriously, sometimes when I watch a bassist's hands, all I can do is imagine his fingers in my vagina. tongue.gif

I cannot BELIEVE I just wrote that. What has happened to me? I've changed so much! wink.gif

Took a break from playing music to have lunch and surf a bit....

I've been playing around with songs again, think I've decided which ones to try next time at the coffee house. The open mike is easy - I can do whatever I want. I've got 2 (TWO!) Blue Rodeo songs picked out (I am determined to spread the message of Blue Rodeo worship), plus "Cowboy Take Me Away," presuming that banjo player learns it - though I could just do it without him. Aaaaannnnd, so you know (*cough*SRG*cough*), I'll be dedicating it to BFFdottir at the mike, as it happens to be her fave Dixie Chicks song and she's been asking me for it for weeks.

The jam is more tricky, owing to the need for simple chord structures and no capo. Of course, "Ramble On" is on the agenda again, but different - either reggae-style or just slowed down, depending on how I feel in the moment (*cough*SRG*cough*). I've never seen anyone else do that song there, so I think I will just make it my own personal signature song and leave it at that. And maybe "Me and Bobby McGee" - it changes key halfway through, which makes it slightly complicated, but surely to god everybody jamming will know the damned song already, and I guess if I'm truly the "leader," as the guitarist I jammed with last week pointed out, I'll just have to make sure I lead them properly.

And then I want to try one of the Porcupine Rebels' songs, "What Are You Trying to Prove," and I think I'm even going to talk at the mike about the song, and the boys who pulled me into music to be able to write the song in the first place. Which will totally embarrass them, in a good way. I've never jammed the song, but it's pretty simple in structure (because, yeah, we're all beginners!). Hopefully I can get banjoboy to jam it with me on the harp, as he's never actually jammed - just done open mike. I still need to work something out in case I get to do an extra song - I'm not sure yet, depends how busy it is and how many others want a chance at the mike, but it's best to have an extra in the back pocket.
Doodle, I love it! hee.
Doodle, you have SO much good stuff going on in your life right now, its so much fun to read your posts! You've truly been transformed since leaving the Centre! And Congrats on getting the clothing shop job!

Yeah, I think you're right doodle, experimenting with what you want to do can be a very good thing, and like you, I didn't do the typical 20s hopping around, and tasting different kinds of work. The adoption agency was my first job, and I was there for 7.5 years, and this is my second gig. Its harder for me to go for temp work right now, as with the mortgage and fancy new kitchen, we have to make sure I have a financial cushion before I make a drastic move, and I don't have that cushion right now. So, I'm going to have to look for what's next, and in the meantime, save as much cash as I can., the cop certainly is playing a false game here, eh? But you seem very clear on where you are in your time with him, he's just got to recognize and give you proper respect.

The bad t-shirt party was okay - there were about 50 people there, and every single person had a funny t-shirt on, which was cool - lots of funny/dirty shirts. Saw about 10 friends from my old job, and while it was good to see them, it made me a little sad, because I'm not part of that "club" anymore, and I felt a little like an outsider for the first time. And I was pretty tired, so we left after a couple hours, when the karaokeing started, and it became to loud to really talk.
The first night we talked and agreed that friends with benefits only. In cases like that, unless you state otherwise, I'm assuming you are playing the field. Hell, I'm doing it, so me saying; no you can't, would be improper and hypocritical.

He still respects me, but I don't think that he was expecting that. Oh well. If it's done it's done. I doubt that highly though.

(((Turbo))) I'm sorry that you felt a little down right now.
Doodle, it is so wonderful to hear you sounding so happy. Hooray for you!
(And I have a thing for bass players, too. Hence my adoration of Mr. Murray Foster. Good thing Sheff plays bass, too. )

Thhhhppppth on the cop for being possessive. What does he think he is, a gorilla? Please.

Jenn, what have you been cooking today? You always seem to be making something wonderful in the kitchen on Sundays.

Things continue to be great with our kitty! Did I mention that her name is Millie? That's what her old owner called her & it didn't seem right to change her name. Anyway, Millie is super sweet & cuddly. She is cuddled up by my side right now, snoozing away. So cute! She is very loving and trusting and purrs whenever we touch her. She even lets me pet her tummy & her paws, which is an excellent sign in my book.

Here's a pic of her making her suspicious face. biggrin.gif
Awwwww fur baby!!!!

That behaviour is typical of men in uniform. I am not a fire hydrant!!! you can't mark your territory by pissing on me! I had a boucner pretent to do that to me once, he wrapped his arms around me and lifted his leg. It was amusing. It was because one of the bar tenders was very threatened by me and she showed it. I've got no beef with her and she's engaged!!!

ETA: Okay, I'm really freakin' high right now, and I'm watching SpongeBob, That little sponge is really pretty cool.
Rosie, Millie is gorgeous! She looks a perfect match to Poodle's kitties! I'm so glad the settling in process is going so smoothly, and that you finally are sharing your life with a furbaby you've wanted for so long!

Oh, I haven't been cooking too much the last couple weeks, since I've been having stress-related gut attacks. ugh. Lots of brown rice and miso soup. But this weekend I did make chicken stock, and then black bean soup. And I made GF Peanut-butter-oat-choco chip cookies too. We took half the soup and cookies to our friends who just had a baby two weeks ago.

I feel sad about leaving my friends at the last job, for sure, but even though the new job isn't meeting my expectations, I'm still glad I took the leap - I understand my skills and worth so much more now. And I'm not afraid to take the next leap, either.

And now, its Oscar least until I get bored. wink.gif
rose, what a GORGEOUS kitty! AWWWW! Now I wanna rub her tummy! Why won't my kitties let me rub their tummies? I didn't know Sheff is a bassist! That's cool!

turbo, I'm so glad you have a positive outlook on the amazing leap you've made in recognizing your value as an employee! Sometimes it can be so hard in non-profits, where there is always an undercurrent of expectation that you can and should do more, more, MORE! It is awesome to read your personal power writ on the page! (Or, er...board.)

CH, I wouldn't worry too much about it being done with the cop - sounds like you have the power in that situation, and that's what's really frustrating him. Maybe he started this other thing hoping to make you jealous, and you obviously don't give a shit, so he's getting pissy about it.

guitarboy is going to let me take his (wired) acoustic guitar on Wednesday - yay! Thus ending any dependency on SRG whatsoever. I still feel pretty crappy about the whole thing in my gut, but I'm trying to stay above it.

I just got home from jamming across the hall....guitarboy told me I might as well get used to playing his guitar now, and I must have jammed on it for over 3 hours (after playing for 3 hours already here at home)! Including a half hour version of Canned Heat's "Fried Hockey Boogie" fingers HURT! The gay ex-priest gave them his old double keyboard organ, which has all kinds of funky rhythm sounds we were playing with, and guitarboy was rocking out on the keys, too. Awesome! I think he's almost ready to jam at the coffee house...he's been hanging out with drummerboy and a couple of other young musicians, and I asked drummerboy last Wednesday to start encouraging guitarboy...obviously he has been. Also found a Neil Young song that might work as an "encore" number if I need one - "Down to the Wire."

Just making dinner now, and got a few things to do before bed. None of the chores got done this weekend, either. I am soooo bad.
Good Morning!!!

Turbo, your skills are worth a lot, and you will find an employer who appreciates you and your skills (and an employer who has sick time...)

Doodle, I agree, he's getting pissy because of the power stuggle, but there is no struggle. I'm thinking that he's really digging this deal. I'm so much younger than him, and well I won't get into details here. I don't worship the ground he walks on, I make him feel good, but I'm certainly not head over heels, yo.

This deal with SRG, he's making things awkward, he's the one who can't make eye contact and whatnot now. It's shitty, and I'm sorry that thing haven't worked out, yet. Want me to come and smack him a few times? I could use a, hmmmmmm, cod!

I meant to ask you, when do you start at the clothing store???

ooooooh, I totally forgot to share some gossip with you from yesterday. I had to go to the grocery store yesterday. I was waiting in ling and who do I see? The exes family (his SIL, aunt and two cousins), now his SIL was gossiping about me when I had gained some weight, well now the tables have turned, she has 4 or 5 kids and she's gained significant weight, and I was feeling so svelt and hot! Anyways, I know they saw me and I just walked past them. So, I get home and decide to fuck around on facebook, and the SIL is on there, with an open profile. So I of course have to look, and yup, indeed they have a few crotch fruit. I knew there was 3, and now they have a girl (who is pretty cute, I must admit) but seriously made me sick with pleasure. Glad I got away from the family. Soooooo glad. Feel kind of bad for her, because she was running a hotel in Mexico and now she's a house wife with however many children married to a complete assmunch.

That's my story. The end.
Good Morning!

Ahhhh.....Monday again...... wink.gif

Ch, I think Doodle's theory of dudes not wanting to be tied down but also not wanting others messing with "their" gals is spot on. That is annoying that he's being like that. What are you thinking of doing?

Rose, your new kitty is so pretty! I think the name Millie suits her perfectly. *meow!* Is the pic you posted taken in your bedroom? My bedroom is a similar color to the wall color in the pic.

Hey Jenn! The t-shirt party sounds like fun. I love stuff like that. I bet it was kinda weird seeing your old co-workers. I am glad you are feeling better and are back to your cooking self.

Doodle, I must echo the other Okayer...your transformation from your women's center days is truly amazing. You just sound so happy, fulfilled, and light now. SO much different from the old days. It makes me so happy and excited for you. Congrats on gettting the clothing store job!

I had a good weekend, overall. Friday night I ate cheeseburgers and went to see Atonement. I thought is was ok. Saturday Mr K and I hung and lazed about. I went bowling that night with some people, he stayed home to study and watch a basketball game. Sunday I worked at the hospital & then went to my friend's house to watch the Oscars.

My spotting issue cleared up after 24 hours or less. I don't know what that was about. I took a pregnancy test yesterday just to make sure I did not get pregnant last cycle, then have a period for some reason. The test was negative, thank cod. So, I'm just chalking it up to stress. I think I have my annual appt sometime this spring, I'll mention it then.
Hey Kari!

Sounds like a good weekend!

As for the cop, I'll keep him around but i'm not going out of my way to get together with him. PLaying hard to get it is then.
kari- it was your first cycle off the hormones, right? chaulk it up to your body being wonky and adjusting.

Jami- YEAHHHH!!!

turbo, I owe you a regular email...

Ok, off to read this page of archives...i'll be back

Mox-I haven't been on the hormones in several years, so that can't be it. Who knows.

How was your weekend?

Ch, sounds like a good plan on the cop.

I've been getting a lot done this morning. Yeah! Progress! Love it.

It is a sunny day here, finally. We've been having gray, overcast, rainy days.

Happy Monday, chickies!

Sitting at my desk - have a cubicle mate now, so it might be a leetle harder to BUST. We'll have to see. Put it on work safe mode just in case. Listening to Tom Petty on the headphones. I must look like a badass today, as some guy tried to sell me stolen cigarettes on the street this morning. (Fair play - they ARE almost ten bucks a pack.)

CH, I'm with you on the sinful pleasure of looking better than you did before, when running into someone from your past. Heh. As for SRG, screw him. Won't give him any more satisfaction of "knowing me" whatsoever, whether being the cause of my happiness or anguish. Maybe I'll make a play for that banjo player after all....he WAS kind of cute, in a geeky banjo player sort of way. wink.gif But he'll only have a chance if he's learned my Dixie Chicks song.

kari, glad to here your period worries were short. Hopefully everything will be normal now. How many more hours do you have to fulfill at the hospital?

Yeah, I guess I am a lot happier than I was at the women's centre. It's taken me this long to even be able to read e-mails or news related to local politics and the local women's movement, so I must have been totally traumatized by it all....I know I was pretty depressed, angry, and cynical at the time. Once, on a phone call with my favourite ex, while still at the centre, I compared my situation of feeling so trapped as "like being in an abusive relationship"....she said, "Hon, it IS an abusive relationship." So it's like leaving one of those, I think.

Well, better work on some of these files - I've done nothing and I've been here a half hour!

Hi Mox!!

Kari, yay on progressive days!

Doodle, that's a great attitude, doesn't it feel good to get to that point? I love it, and I've been there. I'm more of a "you're going to have to work hard to be with me again" then I'll get into "you lost out mofo" phase. Glad you're happy!

it's also a beautiful day. the sun is shining, and I'm stuck in the office. booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

Ohhh CH, I know how you feel. It's gorgeous out, and all the staff who have window offices keep closing their doors, so the rest of us get zero natural light. It's kind of pissing me off. I'm tempted to go ask someone to keep her door open for my mental health's sake. wink.gif

I honestly just don't have time for men's shit, which is something I've discovered about myself recently. Any real, lasting partnerships I've had since I was 25 have been with women, and after all that time at the women's centre, I guess I've changed a lot in my dealings with men. Go sell yer damage somewhere else, is kind of how I feel.
Doodle, I totally agree on the relationship bit. I'm thinking that my next one is going to have to be open. If I date, I'm much happier with this friends with benefits bit, so long as I don't get treated like a fire hydrant or tree in regards to territoriality.

I went out at lunch, got my expense claim cheque, now I have me some cash.
I don't think I'd want an open relationship....personally, I just don't think I could do it, I get too uptight, and honestly, I want to be a cherished partner. But I'd honestly rather be alone than put up with other people's games. I'm too old for that shit. wink.gif

I just finished file box 4, 2 more to go.
Hi everyone!! Just a drive-by!! Gotta go!! Bye!! *waves*
Doodle, I hope you can still Bust! I keep mine in work-safe mode, even though it looks much more dull. But then people don't get suspicious.

I have 97 hours & 20 sessions left to do at the hospital. We have done 7 or 8 weeks I think, have 7 more to go. I have already done 103 hours & 30 sessions. Woo hoo! I am dreaming about all the things I will be able to do with my new found freedom come April 12. *stares off into space......*

I don't think I could do an open relationship either. I think it would drain me emotionally. And I'd get my feelings hurt a lot.

Hi Poodle! Come back!

Yay for cash, CH!

I hope Mr K and I can turn in our tax stuff soon. I want to know if/how much of a refund we are getting. Actually, I am almost positive we will get a refund. We did last year & this year's situation is similar. I am itching to get my kitchen floor & both bathroom floors redone.
See, with me, I know that one can have sex without feeling. So, what's sex with someone else? Mayb it's more for my benefit because I stray...I didn't think of being cherished n stuff, because my reason for an open relationship is the issue of my sexuality.

Kari, your post reminded me that I want to do my taxes, so I've sent a msg to the guy who does my stuff. Woohoo!

hey Poodle! come back and play!!!! We meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeece you.

Well, the day is almost done, and I have more messages to pull. Feh.
I don't think I can have emotion-less sex anymore. Though I'm not judging anyone for it - I did a LOT of that when I was in my early- to mid-twenties! That's what that age is for, I feel - exploring the beginnings of independent adulthood and partying your ass off. But I think I've reached the point in my life where I want....not necessarily someone I'm going to marry or even live with (though so much has changed in my life, so quickly, that I'll never say never to anything unknown anymore)....but someone who is a partner, in that you share aspects of your life, support one another, act as a mirror for one another, become companions and true friends for one another, and have that whole cherish/love/respect/trust thing going on. PLUS sex, of course. Lots of that. wink.gif And I think this may be the first time in my life where I've actually truly wanted and felt ready for something that whole. Okay, yes, I have commitment issuezzzzz. HAD commitment issuezzzzz. And perhaps a few to still work through. Though they are more like letting-anyone-get-too-close-to-me issuezzzzz.

kari, that's so awesome you are passed the halfway point at the hospital! WOOT!

Hiya poodle!!!! We miss ya!

I only have 1 file box left, it turns out. This was supposed to take me 10 workdays, but I'm only on day 3. I will try to stretch this out so I finish tomorrow instead of today...preferably tomorrow afternoon. Then....hmm. Well, I've offered to help with some office organizing, because frankly, their ED here has hoarding issues. Also, people keep piling crap on my work when I'm not here. I just put up a big sign that says "Doodle's Work: Please Don't Pile Stuff Here!"

I am listening to Carlos Santana. It's the only bright, colourful relief in this dry, boring, fluorescent-lit, beige and navy and grey landscape. It almost feels out of place. Thank god.
Doodle, all I have is emotionless sex! I am in my 20's, though. and I spent 6 years with someone who didn't treat me that well. Soooooo, I also haz me some issuezzzzzzzzz! Heh.

Not only that, but I have no idea what the hell I want anymore, if I don't know what I want personally, how can I make any decisions about what I want in a partner!

Plus saying I'm deviant is putthing things mildly.
Mkay, so I am doing something slightly different, so as to better understand the numerical cataloguing system. I messed up a few files....but apparently it's all good. (It helps that I know how to also act as quasi-therapist for an overburdened non-profit administrator. wink.gif)

I have to say, there is a LOT of paper here, for an organization that works in sustaining natural resources.

Ah, well, CH, the difference for me is that I don't know what I want personally, for the most part, except that 2 of the things I DO want personally, for myself, is music and a partner! And to pay the rent and the bills. Everything else is a big foggy void, but maybe I don't feel the pressure you do to figure it out, because I'm older and I've got the women's centre behind me already....which probably does make a difference, I suppose....I don't feel the need to prove myself anymore, on most levels, because I've had a chance to prove to myself what I can do. You are maybe still looking for that opportunity in life....? And a partner would get in the way?

God, I couldn't do this job for a living.

Hey ya'll! Well, 'twas a better day at work today, thank cod. Both bosses are *pissed* at all three of us, and did not speak one word to any of us all day. Very mature. BUT, bosses not speaking to me is just fine with me - I actually got lots of work done!

I think I'm wishing I had a wandering 20s - maybe that's what I need to do now. My 20s were hard, emotionally draining, full of caregiving for family, and its probably good that my work was stable and comfortable, as I probably wouldn't have been able to handle all the family stuff as well, if I was figuring out my career too. I know I have to be a little patient before I give in to my desire to do a little temping, or get a new gig, but I'm ready for something different. There's definitely some freelance working lining up, that will help me prep for the next change, so that's good.

YAY Kari for being half done!! And April will be here before you know it!!

Doodle, sounds like you are a temping rockstar!! I'm sure I'd be the same way, finishing things quickly....its hard to slow down when you get on a roll - especially with Santana in your ears! tongue.gif

Hi hi CH! I'm really beginning to think that all of these ideas of planning your life, and knowing what you want are bunk. But maybe that's just me...
Good Evening.

Doodle, I think you are right. I think that a parter would get in the way right now. Given that I don't know what I want to do, I just don't want to be tied down at the moment. I'm also freaked about being involved with someone. General fuckery suits me fine right now!

Turbo, wow, your bosses have the maturity of a 5 year old. How can a person plan their life when life is so unpredictable?

Wow, I feel almost morbid today, but I also feel refreshed and free. Hmmmm.

I took the dog for an hour long walk then worked out for 45 mintues. My abs are quiet sore, so I'm thinking that maybe just cardi will be in order tomorrow. Maybe. I always say that then do a great hard workout! Heh.
Oh, gah.

I apologize this is going to be soooo self centered, but I am in a bad place right now. I could use some calm vibes. I just talked to my mother.


I just wish she'd die.

I feel awful for saying that.

But I cant' help it. She'd be better off dead.

Alzheimers SUCKS.
(((((tree)))))) ((((((tree's mom))))))

Yeah, Alzheimer's is an awful awful disease, and you are right, that perhaps her passing would be a blessing. Its a hard place to be in, but I remember well thinking that for my aunt for the 15 years that Huntington's afflicted her. She's gone now, and it was, indeed a blessing for all, and I think it was for her too. The important thing is that your mom is in a safer place now - it may not be perfect, but she won't likely burn down the house, or harm herself there. Doesn't make it easy, to be her daughter, and be so far away, but her days are not so isolated as they were. Take care of yourself, sweetie.
My dad's biolgical father had Alzheimer's, my step mother dad has it. Evidently my mothers side of the family is just fucked.

Tree you are a strong woman. We are here for you.
Tree, you don't need to apologize. We are your friends and we understand. I know that this is agonizingly painful for you and that even when you say that you wish she'd pass on, you're saying it from a place of love. And maybe you just read that and you're thinking that I'm wrong & that you're just being selfish, but that's not true. You say it because you love the woman she was and you know that she wouldn't want to put you in this awful position because she loved you, too.
You're a beautiful woman, Tree. I wish I could offer you more than just virtual hugs.

It's okay to feel the way you do - it's normal. My dad had Alzheimer's and Parkinson's, and I remember thinking, even he never wanted to live like this. And it's okay to have those thoughts for yourself, too....watching our parents deteriorate like this reminds us that they will be gone, that they are going. I think our feelings of wanting it to be over are a little bit like beginning the grief and loss process for's normal and okay to feel that. My dad set fires to things, by the way, and couldn't be left alone either. It was really hard on my stepmom to watch him falling back into thinking he was in his marriage with my mom (whom she was always jealous of), but in the end, his mind was telling him he was the new father of two young children - me and bro - and he was remembering what were, to him, the best times of his life. Anyway, that probably doesn't help, but there it is....

Hi rose and turbo....

I got my hours at the store - I do Thursday evening, then I don't work again until the 6th or the 7th, which is a day or two after this temp assignment ends, and that will be through the weekend. They've been very accommodating of my schedule! But I told them when I do get another assignment, I'll need to have one non-working day to myself, and they're fine with that too.

When I got home and was sticking my key in the lock, banjoboy flung his door open and asked if I wanted a toke! I only had a VERY small one - it's almost worn off already. Can't do that shit so much when you're working! wink.gif We jammed, and then drummerboy came over, but I couldn't stay long as I still had stuff to do at home. Drummerboy kept calling for Dylan, and wanted me to try "Knockin' on Heaven's Door," so I figured it out on guitar, but I only know the basic chorus...but I promised him I'd learn it for the jam! EEK! So now I have to do that....but it looks not too hard, so I can drop the Neil Young song I barely know. I'm also going to change one of the Blue Rodeo open mike songs, but I don't know what one to put in it's place yet. So still a little pre-coffee house work to do before Wednesday!

I've definitely gotten to believe my "fuck you" attitude to SRG, somehow in between this morning and this evening. I got to feeling weird about it over the past few days, I guess, and forgot how pissed I was last week, and how much I was justified in being pissed. I'm ready for the coffee house now - in mind, if not in actual guitar practice! - and I am SO doing "Ramble On" in reggae. Let him think what he likes; *I'M* doing it 'cause it sounds way too cool and is way too much fun NOT to. It's so odd and unexpected, and it makes my voice just open right up, and I've never heard anyone do it reggae-style.

Had an odd conversation with one of the guys today at work....I was rocking out to my headphones when he came into my cubicle and noted that I looked happy enough. I said, "I'm always happy when I've got my Tom Petty!" He said - although it was joking, I think - that I had to be careful of dating myself, that you're supposed to listen to the newer stuff now. I just laughed and said, "Nah, I'm a musician, I can listen to whatever I want." I didn't mean to start spouting my musical creds, but since when is Tom Petty dated?? I would run off and join the Heartbreakers without even stopping to pack a bag. THEN there was a later conversation with this guy that led to him joking with another staffer about mushroom-picking on her trip to the forest....I said nothing, just kind of looked blankly with the eyebrows up. He said, "I know what kind of mushrooms you mean!" I kind of shrugged, laughed, and walked away saying, "No comment." SO I think this guy probably thinks I can hook him up with some weed. Which I can, but I'm not sure I'm gonna. Tom Petty is fucking cool, man. Fucking cool. mad.gif wink.gif

I understand. We're waiting for Goaty's Grandpa to pass, too.

Rosiev put it very, very well. We certainly know that you're a good person, Tree.
Good Morning.


Hi RV. Hi Lore!

Doodle, Tom Petty does fucking rawk! I listen to him all the time.

Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. I'm sleepy, didn't sleep that well last night. and one of my new prospects is calling me muffin. I think it's cute.


((Tree)) I must agree with what the other Okayers have said. I am so sorry. I know this is an incredibly difficult time. We are here for you. Come on in to the Okayers lounge, kick your shoes off, put on some fuzzy slippers, and just hang with us.

Jenn, glad you had a better day at work. Ugh, I can't believe the bosses are being like that. It's called maturity, people. Get some.
I'm with you though-I am A-OK not talking to bosses. smile.gif

Doodle, I think Tom Petty is definitely a classic not to be questioned! That dude does not know what he's talking about. Don't get him weed. Not cuz he's a jerk or anything, but let him find his own. Since he likes to forage and all. Heh.

Hi CH! Muffin, eh? That is sweet.

Things here are good. It's my telecommute day, so am at home. I do have work to do, but I slept til 9:00 this morning. Oops. I think I am going in to the hospital early too. My boss there has been out with bronchitis AND the flu. She's coming back today, but said she did not think she'd be able to stay all day. I need hours, so I told her I'd come in early to help out. Before that, I am going to try to do some work on this work report. That's all I have going on.

Oh man, I am sooooo pissed. I left my jacket at banjoboy's last night, and when I went to pick it up this morning, almost ten bucks in change was missing. I noticed it as I was leaving, and when I went back to knock on his door, he wouldn't answer, even though I could SEE him in the peephole - and TOLD him I could see him. I had to walk to work - that was my parking money for the week - and I TOLD him that, too....still wouldn't answer. Plus I was nearly late and was cold - I had to come all the way across the bridge and downtown. I'm so pissed, and not sure what to do. He did have friends over last night, but I'm 99% sure it was him, as guitarboy (who wasn't home last night and isn't back yet) has suspected him of stealing for a long time, and I know he just lost his job and is hurting, plus it doesn't matter - you are responsible for what your guests do in your home. So....I'm not sure how to handle this. I don't want to dump him as a friend because he is almost like family now, and he's just young and stupid, but I want him to own it, I want my money back, and I want him to promise not to do it again.
Okay, calming down. Think I will stick a letter under his door that just says I'm hurt but we're okay if he owns up to it and promises not to do it again. I DO know he's a stupid kid who is in a lot of trouble right now, and it's the first time he's done this to me (that I know of, I guess).

I was thinking of making Tom Petty's "Jamming Me" my 3rd open mike song tomorrow, but I am listening to Carly Simon right now, and starting to wonder if I might just enjoy doing "You're So Vain" a little more. It seems to me I used to know how to play it, and I don't think it's too hard....both seem entirely appropriate to me right now, for some mysterious reason. wink.gif
Hi, peeps!

((((((((((((Tree))))))))))))) don't beat yourself up for feeling that way. You just don't want her to suffer anymore, and it's completely understandable. We're all allowed that moment in life.

Doodle, that's really shitty that banjoboy did that. Who steals money from their friend's pocket and won't even own up to it? If you're that bad off, you ask to borrow money from your friends, not steal it from them.

Congrats on the new cat, RV!

And WOOT! for Jami being officially divorced! When your son turns 18, do you think you'll move farther away, closer to your other two kids?

Jenn, it's amazing that you can keep a rational head in your office. Actual crying? Your bosses really need to learn how to treat the people they supervise. The cause is too noble for assholes like them working for it and being paid by them. Non-profit or no, that's no way to run a business, especially one with such a high profile.

Kari, you're seriously more than halfway done? Congrats on that! I can't wait until the day you come in here and announce that you're finished.

Hi, CH, Lore, Poodle, and everyone else!

I haven't had much going on since I last posted, I think it was on Friday. We spent the whole weekend at home, except when I went out shoe shopping at DSW and didn't find a damn thing, then went to Trader Joe's and Whole Foods. I had a wild hair up my ass to shop for strange and organic food. I worked out last night, arms are kinda sore, then made the most delicious french toast from brioche rolls I got at Trader Joe's. It had a really rich custard with honey, lots of butter and maple syrup. Truly, truly great. I'll make it again if we ever have overnight guests.

We've been busy deep cleaning the house, taking it one room at at time, one room a day. Tonight's the dining room. That shouldn't be too bad, but it does involve me rearranging my bookshelf, which I'm dreading. There are a lot of books to be dealt with. This weekend will be for our spare bedroom, which is truly chaotic. I need to be viscious with throwing stuff out. It'll be good to have it clean again, though. Hopefully Sam will come over for a visit (my brother said he'd drop him off, I hope he remembers) to break the cleaning up a bit. I can't wait for a good visit with him, baking cakes and watching movies. BTW, I talked with him last week and he said "I think I like Hillary for president." Good kid, that one.

Good Afternoon.

Doodle, I'd for sure be saying something about the money issue. And I honestly wouldn't have him over until things have been resolved.

Hey Diva! Nothing like cleaning house!! Sam is a good kid!

Well, I went out for lunch with a friend I've not seen in a while, she's going down to part time, but I've been reassigned and I'll see her at the office I'm going to. It's just so far away. Blah.

It's another gorgeous day, I'll take a long walk again, then work out. I'm feeling frustrated at the moment. No particular reason, well I think it's the assignment. Blarg.
Yeah, I think the reason I was thinking of sticking a note under banjoboy's door is that I KNOW he will just avoid me and pretend not to be home until it IS resolved....that's what he does when his rent is late (but I know everything, b/c gay ex-priest is the assistant manager)....and there won't be any chance to resolve it until I open up the dialogue. I dunno.

I must have listened to "You're So Vain" ten times this morning. Now I've got some James Taylor going....trying to stay mellow. mad.gif

diva, good on ya for the housecleaning madness! Yay! It always feels better afterwards, doesn't it? Your stories of Sam always crack me up, in a good way....

Hiya CH and kari.....sorry for all the mememe this morning, I was pretty upset....

Ahhh Doodle, no worries!

I've had kind of a mememe week. And there will probably be more to come. I'm not really over things. The cop issue is still burning my ass.
It was that damned lunar eclipse....everything's a little different since!

I'm finished printing off documents....holy god, I can't believe how much PAPER they go thru here, in trying to sustain our FORESTS, watersheds, and spotted owls....

Also, curiously, I notice the only file that remains empty after this little project is the "Synthesis of Socio-Economics Knowledge" file. Guess they haven't synthesized any knowledge yet.
Word. February has been a shit ass month. Things are wacky. I'm eager for March to come along.
The Tom Petty critic has been trying to show off his musical knowledge, referencing both MuchMusic's Ren and Stimpy and British internet radio already today....
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