Jan 13 2007, 07:36 AM
No, no, no! He was mad cause I've been slacking when he's asked me to do things. For example, this morning we were lying in bed and he asked what I was thinking. I told him nothing but I was really worrying over my hand-sketched arcs on my circles in my drafting class. I keep putting off practicing my hand sketching and he knows this so first he spanked me and told me to tell him the truth when he asks what I’m thinking cause he cares and wants to know what’s going on with me then he said he wants to see some practice on paper when he gets home from work this afternoon. He is going to get rid of my procrastination if it kills him. Tonight is what I’m excited about. We are having people staying over and I’m going to have to “stay quiet” during whatever he has planned if he has anything planned at all which I’m sure he does cause he’s a conspirator. I’ll let you know tomorrow! Thanks for being so concerned. That’s very, very sweet.
Jan 13 2007, 11:49 AM
i just want to say how happy this thread makes me and how happy i am to see it being used (i am out here lurking!) i haven't been posting, though - primarily because i don't have the time, but also because i am living halfway around the globe from my partner.
i think that my favorite part so far has been mr. pugs with you bent over on the stairs. so hot. SO hot. i love denial, as well, both getting and giving. especially when the denial is over and you finally get what you've been longing for!
regarding something that was discussed briefly a while back: i believe that a person can be both a dom and a sub. i've been both. it is hard to find someone who can top me....and thinking about it, the two people who have done it were both men. hmm. girl trouble, too bad you live um....half way around the world!!!
eta: love my pugs, that is SO cuuuuuuuuuute! he is worried about you and wants to make sure that your hand sketching is good. now, that is true love. that, and the fact that he is using domination to make you DO it so that you get what you want. um, and good hand sketching, too.
Jan 13 2007, 01:16 PM
oh tes, you tart!
oh absolutely, a person can be a dom and sub. i am such a switch booster. unless i'm dating someone, being dom or sub is seasonal for me, i will go months wanting to sub, and then it will start to change, and i'm looking for one. i enjoy both. when i sub i know what the dom is doing, and vice versa. my friend who usually subs makes a fantastic dom cos he knows what a sub needs, first hand. plus, it's kinda hard to trust a dom who doesn't know what it feels like to be flogged, whipped, etc. the people who have done it have a deeper knowledge. plus i have a hard time trusting the whole "twue" dom thing. bdsm for me is about being open to things, and someone who claims that they've never subed, and never will because they are a "true dom" isn't open at all.
and lmp, the mr. sounds like a real gem. thanks for letting us have fun vicariously...
Jan 13 2007, 02:02 PM
i found this pic today and it makes me smile:
LMP, I'm so jealous!! I wish I had a partner that is so into me that he researches and puts thought into sexual senarios. Some people think that BDSM is creepy and without love, but I think it takes a lot of love to creatively fuck and punish someone. *sigh* I hope I find a special dom soon.
Jan 14 2007, 04:02 AM
just watched a rerun of secretary
last night and had to think of this thread. great movie, even for those like me who are not into BDSM.
Jan 14 2007, 10:30 AM
Ok so Mr. Pugs punished me again. We both always sleep naked and last night we had friends stay the night. They have a young daughter. This was the first time friends with a child stayed the night. My friend and I stayed up late while her husband and child feel asleep on the couch. Mr. Pug went to bed and when we got tired the rest of us all went up to bed too. I was thinking that God forbid I’d have to get out of bed in a hurry to get something for them in the middle of the night I didn’t want to be naked and have to dress in a hurry. So I slept in a tank top and panties. Mr. Pug woke me up early in the morning by fucking me (not a bad way to wake up by the way)
but then wouldn’t allow me to orgasm. When we (he) was done I asked why he wanted such a quickie.
He said that he was upset with me for coming to bed with clothes on. When I tried to explain he said I should have asked him first. He said he’s going to spank me very badly when our friends leave. I’m scared and excited and frustrated from not being able to orgasm this morning and from the anticipation of the spanking that is due to me later on today.
I’m trying very hard to please him today so that maybe he’ll take it easy on me. I don’t have to go to school tomorrow so at least I won’t have to sit on hard classroom chairs with a sore bum. Wish me luck. I’m actually kind of looking forward to my friends leaving.
Jan 14 2007, 01:10 PM
pugs you are so cute!
....and i am so jealous...
Jan 14 2007, 10:46 PM
Okay, first post ever in the BUST lounge and I hope I am doing this correctly. Anyway, I've finally found a man that will let me play in bed and wants me to push limits. I had fancied the thought of domination in the past, but have not had many oppurtunities to explore. My fella is very interested, but I am unsure of what I am doing (and somewhat unsure of my own abilities). I've read many stories that he has found and sent me, but ... I am slightly hesitant mainly because I am not sure I can be as firm as he wants me to be, and it really does not help that tells me that he wants what ever I want. Every time he says that I blank out. Any suggestions would be greatly appreceiated
Jan 14 2007, 11:54 PM
well, you're not the only one.
personally i hate "yes men" subs. think of bdsm as a journey. if you are going to get from point a to point b, you need a map, landmarks, signs. can you imagine if your bf wanted to go home but would say only "we can go north, south, east or west." it's useless. there is no way to know where you are going, when you are close, going the wrong direction or even when you are there.
that said, if he's sent you emails, there is something that he is trying to tell you he'd like to try. ask him what he liked about the sent stories, and use them as a starting point. it's as important that you listen as it is that he tell you what turns him on.
the things-- the engine that really makes bdsm so mind blowing is equal parts intimacy and honesty and trust. it starts with honesty, sitting down with him and talking about the things that get him hot. specifics. he need'nt tell you everything, but what he is comfortable with kink wise. as you both progress and he learns that you are (hopefully), non-judgemental, he will (hopefully) confide in you more. it is a good idea to have time for 'aftercare' after a scene so you can get immediate feedback, and learn how to communicate what each of you desires. but what he tells you now will give you direction, some place to go, to start. from there, do research (this is the "mapquest/google maps" part of things), never trust a single source, and if you can find local people who you can talk to, and get info and techniques from. keep track of any ideas that you have of little side journeys, ideas of things that you think are hot, and might want to explore later. now, think about the relationship the two of you have. what sort of tone do you want to set? what kind of dom do you want to be? are you going to be strict? are you going to be sensual? soft and sweet? or a mix? you will probably need to do some light play to figure out your style. do some reading.
i would recommend anything my mistress midori
-- she is kick ass, and to watch her work is a religious experience.
i would also recommend sm 101 by jay wiseman
and there are always blogs. i like a local dom, mistress matisse
cos she's very down to earth.
start off small, when you guys have sex, and expand.
i'd love to hear how mr. and ms. pugs got their arragement started. it's been a while since it was something i had to introduce into a relationship.
now that you have an idea of what turns him on, what turns you on about a particular act. to top someone (i use top and dom interchangably, although there is a difference), it needs to be about yes, including what makes him hot, but you are the top. this is about you making you happy. you come first, and he only gets what he likes if he pleases you, and you choose to let him. so how would you like your desires to be adressed in a given scene? that is the rough guide of the scene, but be open to improvising, and keeping it fun and interesting. don't be too rigid if things don't go how you planned. or not at all.
does that help?
Jan 15 2007, 10:25 AM
I am the sub in our relationship so I’m not going to be that much help to you. The people in this room have honestly been my mentors and support
big hugs to everyone in the Fun with Floggers Thread
Mr. Pug and I are young and we met even younger. We’ve been together since I was 14 and he was 16. I’m going to be 25 and Mr. Pug 27. When we first met we were infatuated with each other. After the first two years our sex life slowly went from twice a day to twice a week to twice a month. It was terrible. In the end when we did have sex it was the same sex, positions, routine every single time. I hated sex and I hated Mr. Pug for wanting it all the time. I thought that he thought of me as a series of holes he could just stick his dick in, someone to do his dishes and laundry and be his mommy. We went like this for eight years. We even went to couples therapy at one point. My therapist said that sex is like “going to the gym”, You don’t really want to get out of bed and go but once you are there and working out you are happy you got off your lazy ass and did it. I stopped going to her soon after that. When I would watch movies and read erotica and hear about men that had to “tame” their women I always got turned on. I would say to myself, if Mr. Pug wants it so bad why doesn’t he just take it. Occasionally he would get a little rough with me in bed it seemed to be mind blowing. One day we were sitting on the bed in our room talking about bills and I was fucking horny. I told him this and he said it’s about time. I told him that I was horny all the time and that I thought it was him. He said no that it is me. In all honesty it was me. I wanted more from him but I didn’t know what I wanted. Then I saw the movie The Secretary. The way that Edward Grey talks to Lee in the movie made me so excited. I literally thought about that movie for weeks. When we would have sex I would tell Mr. Pug to spank me and he’d do it once or twice but never with any real passion. I started talking on bust and reading posts and erotica posted here. Six weeks ago I finally told Mr. Pug that if he really wanted sex to just take it from me, even if I put up a fight. I thought that Mr. Pug was a confident man to begin with but after giving him permission to take me whenever he wanted I really saw a different kind of confidence/dominance come out of him. Him telling me to come over and suck his dick with a look in his eyes that let me know if didn’t I’d regret it. In the last eight years I bet we’ve had sex less then 200 times. Which if you figure that right is about three times a month. Many women want to tell you that this is “normal in long term relationships”. THIS IS A LIE!!!.
About a week ago Greenbean suggested a website called www.TakenInHand.com. This website is exactly what Mr. Pug and I were looking for that works FOR US! I owe Greenbean a hug, kiss, thank you card, gift card, dinner and anything else she wants. Most of BDSM was too hardcore for us. I just wanted some guidance in encouraging Mr. Pug’s to scold me in and out of the bedroom and show me through some maintenance discipline that he really cherishes me. For example, I’m always leaving the lights on and Mr. Pug hates this. So last night when I left the light on in hall Mr. Pug bent me over the dining room table and spanked me for about five minutes. My ass was hot and sore but I won’t forget about the lights anymore. Minutes after when I went upstairs I usually leave the bathroom light on and I didn’t without even thinking about it. We went to dinner at a friend’s house yesterday and the dinning room was packed with everyone trying to make up their plates. I made up a plate for Mr. Pug and myself and took it too him on the couch downstairs. When his friends saw me “waiting on him” they asked what was wrong with me cause I’m normally not like this. Mr. Pug just said plainly that I’m really kind at heart and like to do things like that for him and usually don’t cause I feel that my girlfriends will look down at me for being so submissive. My friends had no idea that this was how I was at heart. We’ve even told a few of our very close friends how we’ve changed things in our home and bedroom and they were shocked at first but very supportive if it’s what we like and works for us. As I said before we were having sex rarely. Now, LOL, if it were up to me we’d never leave our bed. My libido has skyrocketed and Mr. Pug uses this. He uses denial on me to get what he wants, (lol just like I used to use denial to get what I wanted from him). It makes me very hot and I work my ass off to make him happy. When I’m a good girl he rewards me with exceptional, mind-blowing sex, or he’ll make my favorite meal for dinner or take me out someplace special. This way FOR US is wonderful and everything we were looking for.
After discovering this about myself I felt weird. I felt like a bad woman. Like I was going against everything that women have worked hard for over the years. Everyone in the BDSM thread here on Bust has assured me that I’m still a good feminist. Mr. Pug has assured me that he still thinks I’m a very strong woman and he has nothing but respect for my opinion and always wants to hear what I have to say not matter if he agrees or not. He doesn’t want me to loose my identity. He loves me so much and tells me constantly.
As far as your situation, Ireie, I would check out bondage.com. They are good at taking both sides; woman sub, man sub, woman dom, man dom. They also have many good ideas and stories. Girltrouble is on the money, as she always is, when saying that you should look more deeply into the stories your man has given you. There is something in those that he wants and likes.
Last but not least, listen to everyone in this room. They know what they are talking about and always have good advice and support. Just read some of my old posts and see how they have helped me. My life has changed in the last two months and I’m a different person now. I’m happier and can’t imagine going back to my old boring sex days.
Good luck and have fun. If something doesn’t work out the way you want just laugh it off together and try something else later. I thought sex was going to be boring and routine for the rest of my life. It was depressing. But, now I know what sex was supposed to be like for Mr. Pugs and me. I owe everyone from the Bust Fun with Floggers room, Bondage.com and TakenInHand.com my happiness.
Sorry for the long post by the way. I guess I had a lot to say.
Jan 15 2007, 10:49 PM
Did I kill the thread with the long post? So sorry!
Man my ass hurts tonight.
I'm even having trouble sleeping cause my sheets feel so rough on my sore bum. Mr. Pug had a good time on the couch tonight spanking me. He says he wasn't even hitting me that hard. Wouldn't think so from my (rear) end.
Jan 15 2007, 11:22 PM
lol.... you didn't kill it, i just got on here, and i always save the best (this tread) for last!
if you like secretary, i need to recommend my favorite kink movie, of course it's asian: the japanese film: moonlight whispers. it is spectaular, and never judges the charecters. they are just kinky, and struggle at it. the bondage scenes are very hot... atleast i think so, and since it's fem dom, irere, it might be fun for you to watch with your boy....
and i am so glad you found what works FOR YOU. that can't be stressed enough. there are a kazillion ways to 'play'. but not all of them will speak to you. you have to find what speaks for you. but it doesn't come natural to anyone-- no matter what they tell you. it is a learning process. and that is what is so great about it. bdsm can teach you about your desires, dreams fantasies, and who and what you are. it is a means of exploring sex, sensuality, spirituality, communication, and so many other things, but most of all it is a means of exploring what drives you.
be sure to do the leg work. research...please. because there are somethings in bdsm that are extremely dangerous. i remember about a year ago, my gf at the time,f , her ex,h and i having an argument about breath play and it was kind of odd, because f and i did a lot of breath play, and h, really didn't. h seemed to think that breath play was no big deal, and didn't require any research, which shocked me and f, h has been topped by some of the best dom/mes in town and even the best that are just visiting. (really. i am tempted to tell you some of the things he's done, but they are pretty extreme, and it's funny since he's such a teddy bear.) but when we started talking about all the different kinds of breath play, and things f and i had done, he suddenly realized, there are a lot of things that can go wrong. as a domme --never-- have so much ego that you can't admit when you are over your head and be strong enough to call your own limits. too much ego has been the thing that is most often a deal breaker for me. it's kind of what ruined things with me and my ex....
Jan 16 2007, 10:58 AM
Ok, so I’m still having some emotional blockage with submitting to my man. Last night my man laid me over his knee and spanked me for about 15 minutes. I was so shy about presenting my ass to him. During, I obviously abandoned the shyness and focused on the pain. Spanking is so incredible for me. When it’s over I feel as emotionally satisfied as I do after orgasm. Mr. Pug holds me because I’m crying a little. He tells me how much he loves me and loves to chastise me. I tell him how much I love him punishing me and how incredible I feel afterwards. It’s very emotional. The thing that bothers me is that I can’t tell any of my friends. I love this new relationship Mr. Pug and I have that I want the world to know. I’ve tried to tell some of my girlfriends and they just say “No way would I ever let my man spank me to the point of tears and bruises.” But I love it and I feel that none of my friends understand and that they look down at me for allowing this to happen and worse liking it. If they told me they liked their man to put his dick in their ear I’d say hey more power to you; to each his own. I’m not a huge Cheryl Crow fan but, “If it makes you happy, it can’t be that bad.” I feel sometimes that I must apologize to Mr. Pug for liking what I like. He gets so angry at me for apologizing for being who I am but I honestly feel like a freak. How can I get past this in my mind? I’m learning so much about myself and about Mr. Pug but I’m still holding back. Maybe I just need time to get used to this and become more comfortable in my new skin. I really just want to run up to my girlfriends and pull down my pants and say, “Look at my butt. I’m bruised! Isn’t it great? We had the best sex afterwards. I’m so in love again.” I was so lonely and frustrated for so long when Mr. Pug and I weren’t having sex. Now that we have communicated and discovered these new things about each other I’m grateful to Mr. Pug. I want to do everything for him and he feels the same for me. My friends think that him spanking me is him treating me like a child he has to discipline. I’m not his fucking child. I’m his equal and his partner. We are one. Why can’t people understand and not judge. It makes me so angry. I wonder if these people I call friends are really friends at all. Please, some support and assurance that I’m not sick or need therapy for liking what I like.
Jan 16 2007, 11:22 AM
oh girl, that's a bit much to expect your young friends to understand. really, you're putting an enormous amount of pressure on them to accept something totally foreign and strange to them, have you thought of it that way? of COURSE there is nothing wrong with you, you do know that i hope. you are consenting adults, what you do in private is up to you, no one can cast judgement on that but the two of you. i LOVE being abused, respectfully and with integrity of course, and i wouldn't ever give it up or feel negatively about it. but i don't talk to very many people about it. because it does make people feel uncomfortable to be confronted with soemthing that seems bad, mean, or hurtful to them. and also because i don't want anyone else's negative opinion to ever interfere with my enjoyment of it!
for me, part of the whole experience is the secrecy. when i was seeing my mean and nasty man i was not allowed to talk about it to anyone save one long distance girlfriend that he thought was hot and included in our fantasies (she got such a kick out of that though her man did not!). the only way that i could express how i felt about him and what he did to me was to write stories for him. sometimes he'd give me an assignment, like if he was going away i had a certain time limit in which to write and email or mail something to him. perhaps that would give you an expressive outlet that doesn't include the frustruation of trying to justify yourself to your friends.
when they ask you how things are between you just give them a satisfied smile and tell them that he takes Very Good Care of you and gives you Everything you need. that's enough for them and You know exactly what it means!
Jan 16 2007, 11:42 AM
LoveMyPugs, I may not be the best person in the world to answer this question, but I'm going to try. I have to confess, I really admire you for telling Mr. Pug about your interest in this and for having the courage to open yourself up that way, both to him and to us. I am in a monogomous lesbian relationship in which we do NONE of the things you all talk about on this thread, but I read it anyway because I think its exciting, but I would NEVER tell my fiance or any of my friends, partially because the idea of doing any of this with a woman is not something that turns me on and partially because I am sure their reactions would be negative.
I started reading this thread because back in my wild experimental phase, I fell head over heels for a friend of mine, who happened to be the girlfriend of my best male friend. At the time, we all thought it was awesome fun to sleep together, even though it started off with just me and the girl, because I was never really comfy with the guy being there, since I'm a lesbian. It ended up happening anyway and it wasn't so bad, because my guy friend (We'll call him Bob) and his girlfriend (we'll call her Betty) had already experimented with some light BDSM and he used to sternly instruct her on what to do to me. He was very respectful of us both, and never tried to do anything with or to me, since I was clear I didn't want that, but seeing them interact that way was really hot. I was surprised to find that it turned me on to see Bob spank Betty and that she let him, which I think is in a way even more powerful than being the dominant person, because I think it takes a different kind of strength to submit completely to another person. It had never occurred to me that I would feel this way about it, because I had never thought about it or fantasized about it or anything before that. I was also surprised that my superfeminist Betty was into it. I didn't judge her or disapprove at all, I just would never have guessed it. After the first time, when Bob wasn't around, Betty and I talked about it, she was a little embarassed, she hadn't expected him to do those things in my presence as they didn't always do them when they had sex. I told her what I'm telling you: I envy you your ability to explore these things that a lot of people are too inhibited or embarassed to say or try. Let yourself go. I understand your desire to tell your friends, and I think that if you did, you'd be surprised to find that almost everyone has a little kinky side, whatever it may be. They may not immediately open up and tell you they do it on one of those swings you hang from the ceiling or that they roleplay being martians or something, but it'll open up the lines of communication, so they know they can discuss their sex lives with you too. Even if they do react negatively, don't let it deter you. You are not a freak. Exploring this part of you is obviously empowering and improving your relationship and your sex life, and Mr. Pugs is obviously enjoying it just as much as you are. You don't need to hold back. Enjoy yourself! And keep sharing it here, because I love reading about your experiences.
Jan 16 2007, 04:19 PM
Pugs!! I'm so glad you and your Mr. are enjoying the other site! (has it been offline for you too, though? pretty frustrating)....As for my dinner, I like Italian (hee hee, just kidding).
I have to second what Pepper says about your friends. You shouldnt expect them to get it. When I started to tell my friends what, to me, were extremely romantic tidbits of what goes on in my bedroom, I recieved looks of horror. They said things like, "I would NEVER let a guy say that to me" and "the guy should be the one to worship and obey YOU, you are a queen!". I did feel like a bad feminist, and it took me a long time to even talk about my desires here on Bust. After I finally "came out" (in the porn thread, here
, scroll down) I felt great relief.
I know its disappointing to feel like you cant share something that makes you so happy with your friends, but understand that it is quite radical, and hard for people to wrap their heads around.
I also agree with Pepper that the more people you tell, the more negative opinions you are going to hear about it and that will ruin your fun. Keep it your little secret with the Mr. (of course tell US everything though!)
This behavior is shocking for people who believe strongly in egaltarian relationships, and its not just if you are caught serving your man, but even if he is serving you... For instance, one poster on the takeninhand site shared that her husband is not only dominant but an old-fashioned gentleman. A daily routine of theirs is that they always go together to pick up their child from school. He feels like its the man's job to drive, and not only does he open and close the door for her, but he buckles/unbuckles her safety belt. When other moms saw this they were quick to tell this women how degrading and sexist that was, as if she couldnt do those things for herself. The woman didnt let that stop the behavior though, because she knew her husband and her had a beautiful relationship and thats what mattered. She didnt feel degrated, she felt cherished.
Also Pugs, I relate so much to your story about your former dwindling sex life. I was in a long term relationship that suffered greatly because K always nagged me for sex. The more he whined and complained the less I wanted to do it. I felt we had plently sex but it was never enough for him. Even if we went awhile where I always did it if he wanted, he still wasnt happy because then it turned into him crying that I didnt INITIATE it enough. I felt beaten down, like I was a disappointment, and became completly uninterested in sex. When I tried to talk to K about this he said that it should be the opposite, that I should feel FLATTERED that he wanted to have sex with me so much. I felt anything but flattery, I just felt like I was just there to fuck. We finally broke up.
...Then I met someone completly different. He made me feel like I was the one who wanted sex all the time. He often withheld from me and made me beg, then teased me for being such a horndog. The more he told me that I was a sex fiend, the more I WAS a sex fiend. The more he told me I was a dirty girl, the dirtier I wanted to be. Contrast that with my ex who would tell me I was too sexually conservative, which gave me zero desire to be wild. Isnt that interesting? Theres definatly some powerful psychology going on there!
Last thing, great post notwearingwords! And Ireie, care to share some of the themes in the emails? I can give some advice if you can give more info...
Jan 16 2007, 09:28 PM
You are right. I shouldn’t expect so much from my friends when this is something so new to them and not so widely excepted. The good thing is I talked to one of my friends tonight who I haven’t talked to in weeks and she asked me if something was wrong. I asked her why she asked and she said that I seem like I’m holding something back from her that I want to get off my chest. I told her that some things were going on with Mr. Pug and me and that I didn’t think she’d understand. She said she wouldn’t say anything negative if I just told her. Once I started talking she started asking questions and wanting details. She said that she was so happy for us. She knew how hard things were getting for us when our sex life was pretty much none existent. She said that she was hurt that I didn’t tell her sooner and that I didn’t trust her to not judge me although she understood that I’ve tried to tell a few people and haven’t gotten good responses. She really was happy for me. I could hear it in her voice. She wants to read the website and get a better idea of what I’m talking about. Also, your idea about sending him emails or writing him notes is a fantastic idea. I think I might try to surprise him with one first. If he likes it maybe he’ll start demanding it of me on a more permanent basis.
Yes, the website is down for me too. Hope it’s nothing serious and will be back up soon. It’s very frustrating. I’ve found a few other similar sites but nothing as in depth.
I am going to continue what I’m doing and enjoy every minute of it. I have at least one friend, in person, that I can confide in and also all of you lovely people here. I’ll continue to post my experiences for everyone to read.
Thanks everyone for your kind words and support. I feel much better.
I’m off to bed. Goodnight and thanks again!
Jan 16 2007, 11:17 PM
there is so much i want to say, but i don't know where to begin. i will get there someday.
lovemypugs~i love reading your posts. i hope i can find a lover who is as attentive and respectful as mr. pugs. i'm glad you are having fun.
girltrouble~i checked out the site you recommended. very interesting.
greenbean~i really like the taken by hand site too. i was reading the articles for a couple of hours.
ok. when i have more time, i will write more about me. i just wanted to say that i've been lurking in this thread, but it was so interesting to just read the posts between lovemypugs and girltrouble...i didn't know when i should jump in.
oh, and it does take time to talk with some people about your interests in sex--no matter what you like. i'm just pretty comfortable with my sexuality. some people still freak out talking about sex.
Jan 17 2007, 12:28 AM
pugs-- i loved the part where you were talking about showing off your bruises. i've always thought bruises, welts, etc were kinda sexy. (you see a lot of bruise/welt/red bottom exhibitionism on bondage.com... pretty hot!)one of the things that made me interested in meeting my ex was that i wanted a black eye. heh. sadly i never got it. sniff.
since we are talking about spanx, i thought i'd post a little recipe for a spanking warm up! here is what i do: a good sensual spanking (different than a punitive spanking) starts with rubbing, then light smacks progressing to harder ones. as with any sort of beating in bdsm, sensation changes depending on if you hold the implement (hands, paddles, canes) firm (striking but keeping contact with the skin) or if you strike then removing quickly. also, when spanking there is a secret little sweet spot where your butt and legs meet, that little dip between the two is where all kinds of nerve endings meet. strike that spot in the right way and it will send chills thru your partner's body. verrry hot...!
Jan 17 2007, 09:50 AM
yeah, it's so hoooot when my lover beats me. mmm, i love it.
Jan 17 2007, 11:34 AM
really, maddy? are you going to do this? are you going to be a troll in here? i had so much respect for you, but i am losing it fast.
Jan 17 2007, 11:58 AM
how is this a feminist issue? i went to the "taken in hand" website, and it's just reverting back to sexist imbalanced relationships from the dark ages. sure, go ahead and give your man control over you. just don't call it feminist. that whole website scared the crap out of me- "i changed for him, and that pleased me" "my husband makes all the decisions". how is that feminist? how is that good for the female? how does this do anything to gender roles except reinforce them?
and don't worry gt, the feeling is mutual.
Jan 17 2007, 12:13 PM
oh maddy, come on now. just because you don't understand it doesn't make it wrong, bad or unfeminist. open your mind a little here. do some reading. the sub is always, Always the person in complete control though it may not seem that way to someone who isn't familiar with the whole philosophy (GIVE your man control. giving is an action, and that action is a gift. it is completely in that woman's control at all times. an imbalanced, abusive relationship is no where near what we are discussing). denouncing and rejecting something just because it doesn't appeal to you or you don't understand it is just closed minded.
i'm not losing any respect for you. let's not make this personal ok girlees? peeps to whom this is new and strange can use this discussion as an opportunity to learn something and broaden their understanding of human nature and emotion or they can dismiss it out of hand. it's up to each individual.
there is plenty about you that i do respect, admire and like maddy and i'm sure you feel the same about me and others in this thread. this can be an area where we agree to disagree if need be. but let's not cast judgement on each other just like that. THAT is not what this site or feminism is about.
Jan 17 2007, 12:19 PM
pepper, did you look at this website? i've opened my mind, i'm desperately trying to understand this, and how it can possibly be feminist, and why people think it's so super duper cool.
if the sub is "really" in control then why are they called a sub? is the dom really the sub then? since they aren't "really" in control. what's the whole point of this anyways?
i didn't say it was wrong or bad. unfeminist, yes, until someone can explain it to me in a way that i can comprehend.
Jan 17 2007, 12:44 PM
it's a difficult concept to wrap your head around, i'm glad you're here asking questions and trying to understand it.
the sub is not the dom but certainly the one in control. nothing that the sub doesn't want to happen can happen. that's the purpose of "safe words". when respectful partners Play the sub has the option of saying no to anything they really don't want by using the safe word (it's never No or Stop because of course you'll probably say that alot, it's part of the role playing). but most people go into this wanting to have their boundaries pushed, and pushed hard and far, so there is genuine pain, fear, etc involved but it's done in a totally safe setting that the receiver can stop at any time. for someone like me who's experienced terror, multi-level abuse and pain in a sexual setting that was NOT of my choosing, having the chance to relive it with someone who cared for me and would have done, or not done anything for me was incredibly healing. he let me relive the experience in a way that was safe and in my control. through that i discovered many things about myself, too much to write here but i can tell you that i found being in intense pleasure and being in intense pain and being in intense fear and being in intense anger and being in intense love (because, yes, there was so much love there.) so similar, at some level of intensity it all becomes the same emotion. that's why people end up fucking when they're fighting, intense emotion can be interchangable. also, sometimes when something feels so good it's almost too good i start to lose all sensation and a brief flash of pain (bite, scratch, hair pull) brings me right back into my body. the exact opposite is true as well.
now, there is room for abuse just like in any relationship but most people who explore this become well read very quickly, there is a strong sense of responsibility in the bdsm community, lots of education, and the general attitude of Safe, Sane and consentual play.
it's not for everyone. but the people who choose it are not anti-feminist, i'm certainly not! i'm a bossy know-it-all strong as anything radical powerhouse.
there is a tremendous amount of respect in a relationship like this. ultimately, he gave up all of his power to me, he did what i wanted even though it was difficult for him as well (he's the nicest, sweetest, most respectful person ever, has Never had sex without a condom in his life, total doll of a man you'd never suspect.). and that is the point. he was powerless in an assumed position of power. i was powerful in an assumed postion of weakness. you'd need to do a lot of reading to get it i'm afraid, and you'd have to be genuinely interested and have a real desire to understand. but it isn't for everyone. you might just have to trust us that we are doing the right thing for us.
Jan 17 2007, 01:01 PM
thank you for having a cool head, on this pepper. i was getting caught up on some other shit, and there was some bleed thru. sorry.
the whole thing focuses on consent. at all times the sub can revoke that consent for any reason, even if they just have a bad vibe. that was what ended my last relationship. she wanted to cross a line, i didn't end of play. and with that she lost my trust to play. i was the sub, but i have the off switch in my hand.
in the best of bdsm everything--everything is negotiated before hand. can i call you a name? can i pinch you, spank you, touch you in certain areas? can i use this on you? tie you up. of course there is room for improv, but the safe word is there for any unseen contingencies. and there are varied degrees of safe words. yellow means slow down in this direction, red means stop, now, no role playing, play ends RIGHT NOW. for ANY REASON.
one thing that is also important is trust. bdsm has been the most amazing trust building experience ive ever been thru, and it is empowering as well-- you learn to call your limits. i don't care who the dom is, if i am uncomfortable, i call my safe word, and we are done. period. trust is something that is built and earned over time slowly. and a good dom has sooo much respect for the gift that a sub is giving them. it is not something to be given lightly. it is something that is so precious to a good dom. and NEVER, EVER something you would want to violate. it is the heart of power exchange. that submission is something GIVEN. it is something to be treasured.
one should NEVER just jump into play that both partners are not fully aware of. as a dom, i don't want to step on someone else's land mine. it means trouble and i want this to go as well as possible so we can play again and enjoy the experience. say i was playing with a sub who has a serious issue with pickles. (i know, silly but stay with me) ideally the sub would say i don't like play with pickles before hand. as a dom, i don't need to know the whys and wherefores, they might tell me later when they trust me more, or they might not, but because i know that, i will not plan any activity where a pickle might even remotely come into the picture. vlasic factories, picnics, and refrigerators are all out. (and yes, i have had some play that involved 'frigdes.) the point is that any dom worth his salt wants to have control over the enviroment so the sub can feel relaxed enough and comforatable enough to consent to the play we are about to participate in. if they are worried we will never get to the part were trust is earned and a deep bond is formed.
once trust is formed and you get into hard core play (or even light play) after a scene, a good dom will give the sub 'aftercare'. a good dom knows that subbing is very phyisically, emotionally and psychologically draining. they want to make sure that the sub will be in good shape not just durring the scene but afterwards. many doms have a motto of 'do no harm' much like a doctor. after care is often talking and encouraging the sub, telling them how much you appreciate what they have done in the scene, how proud you have made them and how wonderful they are, and sweet to give you consent. it can also involve touching, petting, hugging, kissing, whatever the sub needs to be reassured and, aftercare should NEVER BE RUSHED, or taken lightly. it should be as important as the scene to a good dom. i know of some doms who, playing with someone who was a novice would call the sub a couple of times a day for the next few days just to make sure the sub was good. that is a sign of a good dom and i always say you can tell a good dom by their after care.
that's why i am so hot on mistress midori. i had quit bdsm entirely after my first dom who was abusive. but i got invited to a play party and i was curious. and that is where i saw a lot of dom/mmes play, but she stood out. she commanded the room from the second she walked in the place. i saw her do some public play where she tied, suspended and spanked a sub-- it was japanese rope bondage, which is very intricate and all about patterns, colors and body shape. she tied this boi's face up which seems pretty silly but when she was taking the rope off the boi's face she would pull the small rope quickly and it would lightly burn the subboi, and s/he would squirm. but after every thing was said and done, she spend twice as much time talking to the boi, cuddling, hugging and kissing the boi, and telling hir how proud she had made her. and that was what impressed me most. i left that play party crying because the way midori treated that sub was so beautiful and respectul.
see-- my old domme would beat me and kick me out of her apartment half clothed, crying, and she would laugh at me. not a good dom. and i did some research and figured out that isn't the way a dom behaves. a sub should NEVER EVER put themselves in a situation where they feel unsafe. if a sub said they were unsure and needed references, needed to have a more experienced dom of their choosing sit in while we play, i don't take offence, hell i respect that. and i will do what i can to make sure the sub knows i will never violate their trust.
Jan 17 2007, 02:49 PM
yeah, not a cool way to enter a thread by mocking the people in it. either read through the thread or start a discussion.
i think girltrouble and pepper make very good points about BDSM. i always believed a partner could control from the bottom. it is really about flexibility, openness, and communication. communication is key. one of my beliefs why i believe couples usually see their problems in a relationship manifested in a undesireable sex life (i should've been a sex therapist). there is a lack of trust, communication, and flexibility with roles. i view sex as the time where i can truly make myself vulnerable and not take the lead all of the time.
i was pretty excited about the taken in hand site 'cause i'm stuggling with wanting to be taken care of and wanting my own independence at the same time. i want a partner i can play with and have fun. my ex was pretty uptight when it came to sex. i was pretty open with talking about sex. she was more focused on just doing different positions. very uninteresting to me. we did have fun when we were together.
i think pepper is right that sometimes you need to approach these topics with an open mind. especially do some self reflection about what certain areas of these concepts are disturbing to you or making you uncomfortable. is there something in your personal history or background that would lead you to these conclusions? great sex comes with really learning about yourself and your desires. they only become taboo when you compartmentalize concepts of sex into little boxes--good vs bad. sex is more fluid than that.
then again, i'm very freudian in my practice of psychology. all we do is think about sex!
i'm making a joke here.
Jan 17 2007, 02:56 PM
i read the fucking thread, ok.
i guess i'm just odd that i find it disturbing to find so many people so interested in mingling violence and sex.
but whatever. i really don't fucking care anyways. i'm really disappointed in this whole board.
again-how is this feminist? how is the taken in hand website anything other than sexist? i like how no one answered that-i guess it's a whole lot easier to just say "maddy, open your mind."
also, i've read plenty about this since i first came here asking questions about it. so stop telling me that i need to learn more. i think it's bullshit, personally. why do you need violence to work on trust? you really think that's the only way to work on trust? that's just silly. it's fine that you like it, but don't try to "defend" it by saying it's some kind of amazing thing that teaches people about trust. i don't need my boyfriend to beat my ass to teach me that i can trust him.
i don't see why it's ok for you to say you like it and it's not ok for me to say that it sickens and disturbs me? you can have your opinion but i can't have mine? are you all really that insecure that you can't handle someone disagreeing with you?
what does bdsm give you that you can't get, without the pain? or, do you just like the pain? and if so, why? pain is called pain because it doesn't feel GOOD.
Jan 17 2007, 02:56 PM
maddy, what the hell is that? you have three heartfelt and very personal posts in response to your query and you're spitting at us? girl, please come back when you're ready to talk civil. i'm not mad, just really taken aback.
did you READ my post? i do like the pain. i like pain period, i think it's a perfect mirror to pleasure and i wouldn't want to live without it.
you don't need your boy to be rough with you, fine. no one here is giving you shit for that but you are calling what we prefer "digusting". live and let live ok. you may not like it but obviously we do. if it would disturb You to do it, don't but why the hell would what i like and what i do in private disgust or disturb you? i'm not doing it to you.
Jan 17 2007, 02:59 PM
ha! heartfelt. that's funny.
ok, so you love pain. nuff said. i'm out.
Jan 17 2007, 03:00 PM
Pepper, thank you.
Maddy, please dont do this. The porn thread is meant for debate, but this thread is supposed to be a safe place for us. How would you feel if barged into the survivors thread and berated you there?
Back to what I'm here for:
Stargazer!! Good to have you in here, girl!
Maybe the takeninhand site is down cuz I flooded it with too many new visitors, heh.
My online dom has been writting some really hot stories to me these days *swoon*. Our current premise is that we are executive co-workers and after a meeting where I viciously mock his business ideas infront of our associates, he calmly smiles and asks to meet him privately in his office. He losens his tie...and the rest you can guess hee! Too bad the boy only lives in my computer.
Jan 17 2007, 03:07 PM
well where was i supposed to go to talk about this then?
yeha, i guess i'd feel pretty mad if you berated me for being raped. is that the same thing? oh, right, it's not.
Jan 17 2007, 03:24 PM
Just, not here Maddy, ok? We all know how you feel about us. We go the message. Just please let us have this space for positive discussion only. It took most of us a long time to find our sexuality, I don't think you barking at us is really very constructive in either direction, just mean. And just because I am not a victim of rape doesn't me I am not entitled to a safe place with like-minded others, does it? Actually, dont answer that, I really dont want you in here anymore.
Jan 17 2007, 03:26 PM
stick your head up your ass and discuss it there, for all i care. and with all the shit you're spewing you should feel right at home.
fuck off, maddy, fucking loser. what do you expect, us to cowtow to your simpleminded sexuality? fuck you. stick with your fucking vanilla life. what you think you are doing some thing noble here? saving us from ourselves by acting like a troll? yeah. like that's gonna work. you don't know how to discuss this respectfully so leave. we don't need "maddy's wonderful pronouncements"here. you don't know shit, and your mind is to small to figure it out. weve tried to be polite but it doesnt seem to register.
do you think we will suddenly see things your way because you come in here and act like an idiot? thank you almight maddy, who knows feminism and can save us from our terrible, horrible ways...
you're just a condesending, lightweight. your tiny mind can't figure it out so you get stuck on stupid, and instead of being an adult, you act like a child. coming in places with the want of nothing other than to stir the pot, and shit on women who don't agree with you. yup. putting down women.
pretty darn femninst.
keep patting yourself on the back. cos no one else is gonna line up to do it,
and ass, a hypocrite AND a dumbshit.
maddy, you've just hit trifecta, congrats.
Jan 17 2007, 03:27 PM
first of all, i had no idea this thread was a "safe place." if i had known that, i wouldn't have even bothered reading in here.
secondly, don't fucking tell me what to do, or where to post. this is the internet.
Jan 17 2007, 03:37 PM
maddy, i don't know what is causing you to be so attacking in here with all of us for our views. i can handle a heated discussion, but it is difficult when you personally attack us in here. i'm trying to ignore your rants, but is is becoming unbearable. it feels very harassing and uncalled for.
Jan 17 2007, 03:50 PM
i call bullshit on that maddy. you came in here, not trying to find answers, but with sarcasm. you were looking for a fight. i warned you. i tried to be nice, but no more. i'm done suffering fools.
Jan 17 2007, 04:05 PM
Oh boy. Maddy, you know this is not just the internet, its the Bust Lounge, and we try and treat each other with a little respect around here. You've been here long enough to know that some threads are for debate and some are not. Its obvious that you followed Girltrouble in here to continue the fight that started in the porn thread, and its really disrespectful to the unsuppecting "Floggers" who come here for fun, positive dialog. I'm really disappointed in this disturbing de-rail.
I'm not telling you "what to fucking do", but I've asked you nicely to leave us our space. I don't want to treat you like a troll, we've had pleasent discussions in the past, but if you seriously keep this up I'm going to have put you on ignore.
Girltrouble, calm down baby! I know she got personal but its serves you better to keep the anger down a notch. Perhaps I may offer my bum and you can let it out on me?
Jan 17 2007, 05:12 PM
wow. ok, while i think there's justifiable anger here i don't agree with the wanton name calling. let's cut that out. it's a testament to our maturity to deal with even the most upsetting arguement with some grace and clarity. peeps if we don't take it so personally and we do stick to the topic at hand and it'll keep this shit from exploding.
Jan 17 2007, 09:27 PM
pepper, i know it may seem like flew off the handle, but belive me this was the tip of the iceberg. between this and the other thread there were some very angry pms. trust me when i say i don't get in to this with a hair trigger. i tried to make peace. trust me.
hopefully things can get back to normal, sorry for the disturbance.
Jan 17 2007, 09:32 PM
Just read the Porn Thread and this thread. That’s the last time I go all day without checking on things in Bust.
Thanks greenbean, pepper, stargazer. Thanks for defending the fact that just because a woman likes something unconventional that it doesn’t makes her sick, wrong or a bad feminist. I’ve been struggling with coming to terms with this myself as you’ve all seen in my posts. I think I’ve been feeling this way because I have to deal with people like Maddy. I’m not going to be ashamed of what I like anymore. It makes me happy and feel better about myself as a woman and that’s all that matters.
You are my hero sweetie! I love you so much. You and the other girls have helped me so much in the last few weeks. I owe all my happiness to your support and reassurance. I’m “newer” to bust but I can honestly say that Maddy has always seemed extremely opinionated and negative to me. I don’t think anyone but Maddy herself fits into her view of a “good feminist”. Girls like us need to stick together. Thank you, thank you, thank you for being so kind. I honestly love all of you for it.
NOW!!! It’s late and I’m do for a spanking and then I’m going to get fucked in the ass until Mr. Pugs is satisfied and then I’m going to go to sleep and dream about it and hope that Mr. Pugs saves enough energy to do it again tomorrow.
Love you all,
Jan 17 2007, 10:11 PM
gt i am telling you, no matter what happens if name calling can be avoided, please for the sake of the rest of us and guests reading, it's for the best. the more of us that keep it civil, the more civil it will be. i KNOW it gets ugly, i've been in the middle of it enough times but the cursing and name calling just escalate and obscure the arguement. it's like throwing fuel on the flame.
pugs, i'm so glad to hear you responding to this with self confidence and positivity, i thought about you more than once during the arguement because of your recent posts. i was thinking that this was more of the same that you've been getting from friends and hoped that it wouldn't get you down. good on ya, you're obviously coming to terms with and owning your own passion.
girls, please. i am as opinionated as the best of them. if i said something that pissed someone off i certainly hope that you wouldn't throw the baby out with the bathwater where i'm concerned. maddy contributes to this forum and she's also finding her way in life, as are we all. let's give her a sec to calm down and maybe rejoin the discussion for some open dialogue. at the least let's not all speak so negatively or difinatively about someone who is a member here. no one here is always negative or judgemental, we all have our moments. please keep that in mind.
and for maude's sake, don't anyone jump all over me for sticking up for someone this time ok? last time was flipping brutal and it was hard to keep my cool.
Jan 17 2007, 10:31 PM
Holy Cats! Anyway, Wow, that was uh...Okay, so thanks ladies for the advice and suggested reading. I've added mentioned books to my to buy list when I get my tax return, and checked out a few sites listed. Unfortuantly, the taken in hand that seems to have sparked some cont is down. I examined his stories and made myself many notes and came up with a senario that got him excited. We played around the other night for the first time and I think it went very well. However, the first time he told me that he wanted what I wanted, I introduced him to my new hairbrush and told him that was not an acceptable answer. He was horriably worried prior to and afterwards that I thought he was weird for wanting what he did, and I have been constantly reassuring him that I do not. I let him in on the fact that I was scared he would react badly and think me mean and evil. I really think this is going to be a learning process as there were some things he didn't care for, but wants to try a second time to make sure he does not. This is something we are going to have tons of fun with. Now, if I can convince him to reverse the roles, I want to experince what he is, and for him to experince what I am. I don't think this will be to hard because after we played, we talked about it and had some wine, then he pounced and WOW, I didn't have to ask him to be rough.
There was actually more I wanted to remark on, however, my cats find scraps of paper irresistable and made off with my notes (yes I take notes, least I forget stuff) when I went for an evening snack. I do know that I found the pre-nasty post to be extremly right on. Once my fella and I finished all our fun and crawled under the covers to sleep, he teased me about being in control since he could stop me at any point. Thanks again!
Jan 17 2007, 10:44 PM
pepper, please do not lecture me about escalation. in all honesty, your comment pisses me off. it's not like she said boo, and i flew off the handle. far from it. i don't think ANYONE could say i didn't try. i avoided it as long as i could. i apologized to high heaven, in posts and in pms. and she said several times loud and clear, fuck you. i held my tongue, swallowed my pride and did all i could to defuse the situation, even in this thread, i tried to talk about bdsm and over look her rude comments, and SHE STILL felt the need to keep pushing. i warned her, as i said i don't do that lightly, but when she kept pushing, i pushed back. it's not as if this was just one comment, as you make it out, this was several posts on two different threads, and in pms as well. so please do not lecture me. my patience has been tried enough for one day.
Jan 17 2007, 11:05 PM
Come on ladies, lets pull through this! Pepper, you're a good mama...I know you want peace, so do I, but its true GT did go a looong time and ways before stooping to Maddy's level . I know Maddy has been here for awhile and we wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, and I do hope she cools down and can be civil again...but if she comes back in here again with troll-like behavior I'm gonna lose it too.
GT, please dont be pissed, Pepper is just concerned because she may see Maddy's flip-out as a cry for help. Hugs everyone? Err, I mean spankings?
Yay Ireie! I'm so excited for you! The "wrong answer" game is a fun and simple one. Something else that can be fun is wear thigh-highs and heels, make him kneel infront of you with his wrists tied behind him, and demand that he pull the stockings down with his teeth. If you really wanna play grab him by his hair and yank him away from you, and tell him he is doing a terrible job. If he likes sub-ing he should get really into it. I remember being with a boy sub who loved to be below me and obey me.
ETA: Ireie, your "Holy cats" expression reminded me that the other day I heard someone say
"Oh my gatos!" hee, I love it!
Jan 17 2007, 11:48 PM
last time people started really slinging insults it got so out of hand. if it pisses you off gt we'll just have to deal with that. personally i'd rather take the fall out from that over a repeat of last time Any day.
where do i imply that it was one comment? i read it ALL, you put your effort into communicating, i recognize that, i do. that said, see it as a lecture if you like but temper or no, i'm not ok with people calling eachother fuckstain shitstain or telling them to stick their heads up their asses. that's uncalled for, i don't see a justification for that no matter how heated.
Jan 18 2007, 12:11 AM
you know what pepper. that's ok. i can't do this, my day has been more than shitty, on the boards and even more so off. the last thing i need is another person shitting on me, second guessing me. i put myself out there way too much, and i shouldn't have.
Jan 18 2007, 02:19 AM
girl, can the persecution complex, i'm not shitting on you, i'm calling you on your shit. i'll say it again, you put it out there today, you made a big huge effort to reach out and communicate and i value that. i know it pissed you off, i know it was upsetting, i know it was shitty. what i am pointing out is that we can collectively keep things from getting out of control nasty by holding back the mudslinging and helping each other do the same when tempers run hot and high. by all means, everyone should have their say but the ignore button is there when things get too ugly.
Jan 18 2007, 09:41 AM
re: topping from the bottom
I have always thought that was the whole definition of the consensual and play aspect of bdsm! ;-)
I said that a long time ago on Bust, but quietly - heh -- that that is why so many wealthy and powerful MEN pay expensive hustlers for domination. The submissive is the center of the attention and the sex action if ya think about it!
Of course, there are variations, which y'all have described, and I'm not trying to say what anyone else should do or like.
I really appreciate girl_trouble for specifying how to handle bdsm relationships safely, because sometimes I worry that younger people getting into this, on Bust and otherwise, would not be aware of being "street wise" with physical, emotional, and social ramifications. In fact, I do see you as putting yourself very honestly on the line, girl_trouble, I love you for that and you are very strong and loving to do so.
I also appreciate other folks posts, and, pepper, you have been a voice of kindness and moderation in many threads, trying to defuse conflicts. I appreciate you for that. We speak very honestly about very intimate issues here and sometimes that is painful, it's great to have someone around to mediate!!
I've been mostly lurking here and in other sex threads b/c: some of my co-workers have seen the pink screen flash and let me know they read this, so they know who I am in real life,
I respect my boyfriend's privacy as well.
I just want to say that I have played with bdsm within couples before, for me it is a variation that I sometimes indulge in and not really my sexual "identity"
While I appreciate the fact that people need to support themselves, on a very deep level, as they move against stigma, sometimes calling non-bdsm sex "vanilla" and being really pushy about bdsm can come across as disrespectful. I also gotta say that if you do bdsm consistently for years in a longterm sexual monogamous relationship, it become just as "boring" as other sex. What I find in my LTR is that sex comes and goes, and it changes, and still goes, and then comes back, in all kinds of different ways.
I'm not criticizing you in this thread with any of this, I just wanted to add perspective from a person who is in a LTR but no longer has ring bolts on her floor ;-)
There is also a sense that in competent bdsm, one does not involve the non-consenting public -- neigbors, general public -- and I see that one violated all the time.
Being a "dom" is not supposed to affect one's public relationships with non-sex partners, or be witnessed by people who are not part of the relationship and don't want to witness it. Again, ***not criticising anyone on THIS thread for that****, you are sharing here in a good place to share. Just thouught I would say it because it doesn't seem it has been said in the general "how to handle things" discussion.
I think maddy perhaps is thinking about non-consensual sadism, sometimes people who advocatingt bdsm *don't* acknowledge the communication, study of best practices, and safety etc. that girl_trouble mentioned. I think maddy is thinking about actual torture and rape scenarios, with a real victim involved. It certainly does happen, and it can be confusing to an onlooker.
I think perhaps two different topics have become confused in discussing them.
I have really appreciated reading your posts, your courage and wisdom and love and sexuality have been very enjoyable and inspiring to me. I am happy you are doing what you want to do, and support you entirely. Thank you for having the courage to have a very interestng discussion, very important, that could happen in very few places.
Jan 18 2007, 10:06 AM
Great post! Thank you for trying to get us back on topic.
Please calm down. No one is attacking you anymore. We all love you here and you are accepted by us. I’m sorry that you had such a bad day yesterday. Why don’t you talk about what happened off the boards to get it off your chest. We will all listen. I’m sure no one would mind if you posted here or in I’m Mad as Hell! We just all want to get back to my great spanking stories and I have a good one for you.
I don’t have anywhere else to talk about my experiences except here and how can I express myself to you with all the fighting. Let’s all just let it go and go back to our BDSM discussion. PLEASE! If you were here with me in person I’d bend over and let you take your frustration out on my bum. At least both of us would feel better and be happy afterwards.
Here is a good story for you to get you back to your center!
When Mr. Pugs and I first started introducing toys into our sex play years ago we actually bought a whip. I just wanted it to hold for sort of a power trip during sex. I never actually used it on Mr. Pugs. We didn’t use it often just maybe two or three times. I always recycle my toys, throwing out old, boring stuff and getting new stuff in. I don’t know why but I kept the whip (it’s just a small flogger) even though we never really used it. It’s been in the back of the nightstand collecting dust. This morning, after we had sex, Mr. Pug saw it in the back of the nightstand when he went to grab the lube and he pulled it out and used it on me. Man, all I can say is, I have a new found respect for that little puppy. He was able to reach that little sensitive spot where my butt and my leg meet. He has really big hands so sometimes he can’t get there with his hand alone. It’s stung so much. It didn’t take me long to shed some tears. He was actually giggling (if men giggle) because he was having so much fun. It was really great. I’m very sore sitting here in my Mechanical Engineering class. Thank God the chair is cushioned. He said he wants to see how my ass looks tonight and if I’m not that bad off he wants to use it again.
Do you feel better now? I know you have a smile on your face thinking of me wiggling on the bed and Mr. Pugs laughing while he’s wailing on my ass. I’m happy that I got to write it all out for you.
Pepper I hope you enjoyed this post as well.