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Ok, I hope everyone's periods and yeast infections and what-have-you have dissipated and that you've had a nice weekend. Last night was, again, stellar. The boyfriend is really stepping up to the plate, and I don't think he minds at all! We ordered the black rubber hitty thing and a basic set of adjustable nipple clamps, and all last night he was whispering in my ear how he can't wait to try them out on me! yayayayay! I'll post more later! Time for brunch!
i got my first belt whipping yesterday!!! many of my friends and family are really starting to notice my day collar. it's a bit ackward I have to admit. i usually just say it's an unique necklace and change subjects.

phobia - mr. pug is on vacation all week so i'm hoping for some fun at least once a day. i'll keep you posted.

You know I'm irriated with myself. I want a spanking or a belt lashing very badly. I want welts that stick around for a day or two. I want to be reminded everytime I sit down that Mr. Pug and I just connected. But...everytime he starts spanking me or lashing me I get scared and I beg him to stop before he's even really started. I laugh and/or giggle for christs sake. It's not real. It's not real punishment. My body and heart want him to keep going but my mind is like, "This is stupid just stop." I wish I could just turn it off sometimes. It happens when we are having sex as well. My mind wonders. I can't focus. When he is dominant or says something strong to me my mind shoots back to him. It's like when I pull out a treat infront of my dogs. They are like, "Wow, treat, pay attention." I ask him for more and yet when it comes down to it I get scared. Sometimes I think I'm topping from the bottom. I think he is also scared that he'll cross some kind of boundry. I don't blame him. A good time can turn sour if someone crosses the line. It's very frustrating for me, wanting more but being afraid. I know this is what safewords are for right? Just to let him go crazy and if something goes wrong to say the safe word right? Then why can't I just let go. I'm so uptight. I can feel it in my jaw, shoulders, arms and back. Just this uptight woman who can't really let him in or tell him what I want without getting there and becoming afraid or ashamed and backing down. Plus when he does spank me I fight him off. He can hold me down I know he can but again I think we are both afraid of crossing some kind of boundry. Not that I'm trying to pass blame but is this on him? He knows what to do and just needs to be strong and not stop when I say stop? He always asks me, "Have you had enough?" Of course in the heat of the pain I'm going to say yes but I know deep down I can take much, much more. I'm just scared. Deep down I want him to keep going. Push through the tears and the begging to my complete submission. I feel myself being a brat to challange him all the time. It's subtle enough that he thinks I'm just being cute when I'm really wanting him to take charge. This is what society has done to him. My strong man is afraid of hurting me. I'm also afraid of letting my man hurt me. Even though it's what we both want. Why can't we get our heads around this. It's just frustrating to me. Even now I'm thinking of deleting this post so he won't see it and know how I truely feel because I'm afraid. I don't want to be afraid. I want to be dominated completely. Maybe all this is just too much work for both of us??? Okay, rant over I guess.
Oh, Pugs, hang in there, darlin!

Sounds like you guys just need to re-negotiate your activities, that's all. I know you know all about negotiation, and we know it isn't fun, but you do need to sit down with him and clearly spell out your boundaries. Clearly state for him that you know you do have a safeword, and that he needs to respect the safeword, not your cries and pleas. I know what you mean where he's afraid of crossing a boundary, but if he never pushes the boundaries, you'll both wind up being frustrated. I think you're OK, I think the Mr is OK, I just think you need to clarify where those boundaries are and how close up against them you want him to take you. But having said that, part of his responsibility is that he has to, well, dominate!

Another bit of advice? Maybe put this all down in writing. Most of the "24/7" couples I've read about on teh interwebs have some kind of signed contract. If you have it down in writing, what everyone's limits and responsiblites are, then you can let go safely. Good luck darlin!
I don't know, Pugs. Maybe you need to listen to your own no's. Maybe your resistance is telling you something and you should not be hard on yourself for feeling it. Maybe there's a reason you can't just abandon yourself right now, a reason deserving exploration, something that won't be resolved by a good beating. For me, it's really hard to give up certain kind of power and to submit when I feel like I don't have enough power in other parts of my relationships. Sometimes words need to be said for us to move to the next level and for me to feel safe again. Sometimes I want a spanking to do a certain kind of work, to relieve the tension, but something else is needed. Maybe negotiating your boundaries will do this, or maybe you need to feel like you are being heard somehow. I don't know what your situation is but it always helps me to pay attention to walls when they arise--and this sounds like one to me.

(or maybe I'm just analyzing something that can be rectified in a really simple way when you just give in...)
Well, whatever the case, a big heart-to-heart is what is called for here, I think. All this yummy BDSM stuff can only be good when there is good communication. Hang in there!

In happier areas, I so wish my shipment from sub-shop would get here!!! I NEED NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!!!

Ok, ok, back to work. Just needed a mental health break smile.gif
I came home for lunch to find a discreet box waiting for me! My toys are here my toys are here! Yay!

Of COURSE I already have everything unpacked, sillies! I've even tried on the nipple clamps already -- yowzer! Can't freaking wait. This thingy is really nice, much heavier than I thought, and should be loads of fun. The nipple clamps were suprisingly heavy, too.

Question on the nipple clamps -- do different brands/varieties/models open further? These ones seem like they open juuuuust wide enough to get my nipple in there, but it seems like it's a close thing. Or are my nipples just weird?
Mr Pugs
Let me know how you like that slapper phobia...that might be something to invest in...although I do find a kind of simple joy in finding new uses for household items...

I have just found the joy that is a flexible stainless steel spatula with holes in it...he he he
LoveMyPugs ass doesn't really share that joy...laugh.gif actually it does work really well, the quick light slaps really sting after a's going to be a nice reminder every time i go to sit down when we are out with friends tonight

also...i should tell you that mr. pug out did himself yesterday...strapped me down to the bed, propped my ass up with a big stuffed pillow and beat me with his belt then put a glass dildo in my ass, jelly vibrator in my pussy and a pocket rocket on my clit...i either had one long orgasm or four small ones one after another...whatever it was it was great

i was going to hide that spatula but now i think i'll just leave it on the kitchen counter biggrin.gif
Glass dildo? so envious. I'll let you know about the slapper when I kick this cold. Seriously, it's one damn thing after another. Once your friends start having kids, it's like germ city. Urgh. I'll keep you posted, though, mwahahahah!
QUOTE(Mr Pugs @ Aug 17 2007, 02:39 PM) *
I have just found the joy that is a flexible stainless steel spatula with holes in it...he he he

Let me tell you how much I really love the flexible stainless steel spatula!!! Mr. Pug gave me a pink ass with it last night while I was laying across the ottoman.

Phobia?!?! you tried your toys yet? details girl come on!!!
Ok, haven't tried the smacker yet. I was sick all weekend pretty much, and unfortunately we got into a fight Saturday night when we were playing with the clamps. He said something about turning the lights on, and if there's one thing that turns phobia off, it's having her many and various body flaws on display during sex. So I got all upset, and he didn't understand what had happened, and we got to arguing, because this is something he bugs me about all the time, but he didn't think he was bugging me about it all the time and BLAH. We made up for it last night, though biggrin.gif

The nipple clamps were great until that, though biggrin.gif The only problem is that they really do seem too ... small, I guess. They kept slipping off, which hurt like hell, unless he really tightened them down, which went beyond the good hurt and into the "ohmigod get that off me my nipple is gonna come OFF!" region! I'm going to tool around teh interwebs when I get home to see if there are longer ones that open more. Maybe call up and actually talk to someone, I dunno.

We're probably buying a new car this week, so we might not have time to do anything fun, plus, we're heading to Toronto with a friend next weekend, and we're all sharing 1 hotel room. Boo. Anyway, I'll keep you posted.
phobia - i absolutely hate when real life gets in the way of my relationship. two weeks ago it was 1) the air conditioner leaked 2) the waterheater broke 3) the electric bill went up out of no where. i'm only so glad that last week while mr. pug was on vacation nothing went wrong and we really had time to enjoy each other.

as far as turing the lights on....YOU ARE CRAZY CHICA!!! I want you to list all these "various body flaws" you are talking about. I'm 5'2" and 260 lbs. I have terrible stretch marks all over my body and also I have acne all over my neck and chin pretty much all the time. My hair is thick and oilly and my breasts aren't anywhere near as high as they used to be. However, I have great brown eyes, thick sexy lips, my hair is sexy for being so thick and oilly, my breasts are big and so what if they are low, my skin is soft and smooth, my legs are shapely, my ass looks good in jeans and i have cute feet. i'm may not be perfect but most important i'm attractive to myself and mr. pug. he loves me so and tells me all the time how sexy i am. i used to have issues with being put on display during sex. i never wanted to be on top. now i kinda like it from time to time. he loves it. i can tell. you have to be confident chica. you are beautiful. turn those lights on and strut girl. if there is anything sexy about being a sub it's being made to display yourself for your dom.

i think spanking will get you passed these insecurities as well. being made to offer your ass up for a beating is difficut but when it's over it's sooo worth it. laying over a piece of furniture or flat on the bed completely naked ass in the air is very liberating.

the last time mr. pug strapped me down it was in the middle of the day with the sun shinning right on the bed and me face down, ass up, completely naked just for him. the uncomfortableness (sp?) is part of bdsm for me. it's getting past my own insecurities and his. i'm positive that mr. phobia loves you and your body. let him really see it in the light. sex in the morning sun light or candle light at night or just full blown lights on is great.

as far as those nipple clamps go, i think i'm the same way with my other collar. it's so damn tight. i can't get myself to relax when it's on. i get a little freaked out by it. i'm still working with it though. i'm going to start working out again as well so maybe i'll loose alittle weight and it will fit better.

also i think calling subshop is a good idea. i'm sure they can help. good luck and keep me posted with the smacker.
Hey everyone! I haven't been in here for a while because I just moved but I just wanted to say hello. And also, in 3 days I'm getting on a train to New York then heading over to Floating World!

I can't wait, I should be getting my PVC dress in the mail today and I just bought some black patent leather heels to go with it yesterday.
Candycane! Glad your move is done for. Enjoy your conference. FYI, stuff like PVC, latex, and rubber can be very HOT -- get some powder on before you get in.

Pugs -- well, part of the body image problem is that I used to be REALLY HOT, but then I got this thyroid problem and blew up like a balloon (ok, not that bad, but still), and it's been next to impossible to lose weight or bulk up like I used to, which has led to depression, which led to more weight gain .... you know the drill sad.gif So for the forseeable future, I'm not into having all the lights on. It just makes me uncomfortable, and depressed, and then I'm definitely not feelin' sexy or attractive, and all the spankins in the world aren't going to get me turned on. So it's just something we'll have to deal with. I can compromise on, say, leaving the blinds open so the streetlights filter in, or having a candle lit (which Mr Phobia is against as he is insanely paranoid about hour house burning down...gah). But broad daylight ... nope. Just can't mentally do it right now. But we'll see. Another part of the problem is working out of town, and when I'm out in the field doing 10-16 hour days, at the end of the day, working out just isn't happening. A lot of time I forget to eat lunch, and sometimes if I'm too tired I'll forgo dinner so I can sleep. All of which doesn't actually help you lose weight!! But the thyroid is under control, and the work schedule seems to be settling down, and I have lost a little lately, since my belt is now 1 notch tighter!
god the other night was so great...i think i already talked about it but mr. pug made me lay over the ottoman and he whacked me with the spatula over and over and told me to pay attention to the movie we were watching and keep my face foward. those smacks stung so bad but i was so fucking horny when it was over. i wish he'd do it again tonight. he went back to work today after a week long vacation so he'll probably be tired. i'm going to leave him alone tonight and not try to initiate anything. if he wants something he can have it of course but i'll let him start it if he wants it.

i'm such a spanko let me tell you. i'm obsessed. i love it. i want it every day. it's ridiculous. i love the way my ass gets all pink. i think it's sexy and drives me crazy. i hope deep down mr. pug likes it as much as i do. sometimes it's hard to tell him but the good thing is that now he's on bust so he can just pop in here whenever he wants and read what i'm thinking.

Baby!!! If you stop in here anytime soon...I NEED A SPANKING AGAIN!!! whenever you're up for it. The ottoman spatula thing was great!!!

*skips out, humming to herself*
hehe, thanks for the tip phobia. I wore a PVC nurse costume for Halloween and I found out just how hot it could get. Especially in a club with bad ventilation! It wasn't too bad but I'll probably put some of my Lush coconut body powder on anyway.

I can definitely relate to the weight gain/feeling uncomfortable naked thing. I'm the biggest I've ever been right now. Personally I blame a lack of exercise and Taco Bell. Yep, definitely blaming it on the Bell. Anyhoo, I have these disgusting stretch marks on my stomach and I hate them! It would be one thing if I had ever had a baby but I haven't and the marks really bother me. I think it's one of the only things that's making me feel nervous about this whole bdsm convention. Honestly, I feel like I would have the guts to completely put myself on display if I had a different body. But I'm in a new city where I have to walk everywhere and Taco Bell is very very far away so hopefully things will change.

Pugs, that sounds so hot. The ottoman thing reminded me of these, chair device things I saw yesterday at the Fetish Fair here in Toronto. The vendors had one where you lie bent over and then there's a part that's like gallows. Gah, I'm tired and bad at explaining this. Anyway, the wooden part comes down so the person is held there with their neck and wrists unable to move. It looked quite interesting but I don't think I could ever trust anyone enough to actually use one in private.
I got the hottest text message last night from poetman.

"u faced away, astride, shifting hips, my red handprints on ur ass"

holy fuck.... i've never had a higher libido in my life! - he doesn't spank much, just once or twice but it's fucking hot! I want to ask for more of everything he puts out but i'm shy.........

and i've been kindof realizing that i have a major kidnap fantasy....... thinking about it it's something I've been into since childhood. (princess/kidnapping stories were my favorite) and creepy as it is, I remember reading the Bernardo/Holmolka murders and being fascinated by it. Slightly disturbed by this train of thought of mine and def have not mentioned it to the boy.

Pugs, I just want to thank you for your awesome self-confident post about why you're damn sexy in spite of whatever "flaws" you may have! That was awesome. It's inspiring to hear women talk like that, especially women who aren't "perfect" according to our society's silly standards. (You reminded me, BTW, of that cool Erykah Badu song that goes "This is how I look without makeup/ and with no bra my ninnies hang down low/ My hair ain't never hung down to my shoulders/ and it might not grow, you never know/ but I'm clever! when I fuss around/ I'm clever, always on your mind!")

Keep having a blast, ladies...

*relurks, back to continued involuntary abstinence wink.gif *
Mr Pugs
I love pug's emerging self confidence, it's such a turn on...

BTW, how many of you women think that a guy will change his mind to want to have sex with you once he sees you naked...has it ever happened to anyone? I couldn't fathom wanting to sleep with a girl, making out with her, and then when she got her clothes off say "eew stretch marks, I can't do this". The only thing that would make me stop when we've went that far is if a penis fell out of her underwear. lol
I guess I kinda look at it like if after seeing me naked my man found me unattractive he probably wouldn't be able to get it up. That would be a sign and would probably scar me for life. However, Mr Pug gets hard if I bend over in front of him to pick a fork up that I dropped on the floor. Once in a while I get into bed with boxers and a skimpy tank top and reach over and he's got a semi. I mean I'm not bragging by any means but I gotta look at least a little good to him after 11 years for that to happen.

Also, I think men are turned on by self confidence as Mr. Pug said just as I'm turned on by a confident man. I am reading a romance novel right now and one of the lines went something like, he was a quiet guy cause he knew he had nothing to prove to anyone. That's is Mr. Pug to a T. He doesn't have to prove anything to anyone, just me. As he did last night with his new toy. He has me and I have him. We are totally engrossed in each other and it radiates from us. Our friends notice all the time. Mr. Pug's cousin is always telling him how lucky he is to have a girl like me. I'm usually telling everyone how lucky I am to have a man like Mr. Pug.

octinoxate - thanks for that. I have to admit that sometimes I don't feel as attractive as I said before. I too have my insecure moments.
"BTW, how many of you women think that a guy will change his mind to want to have sex with you once he sees you naked...has it ever happened to anyone? I couldn't fathom wanting to sleep with a girl, making out with her, and then when she got her clothes off say "eew stretch marks, I can't do this". The only thing that would make me stop when we've went that far is if a penis fell out of her underwear. lol "

Well, not to be rude or anything, and I know you were trying to be funny, but you kind of missed the point. The self-confidence thing isn't about whether my partner finds me attractive . It's about feeling sexy myself, about how I see myself and how I feel about myself. My boyfriend can tell me over and over and over that he finds me sexy, that he's turned on by me, we can have all the good sex in the world, but if I don't feel good about myself, I don't feel sexy. My self-image isn't hinged on him (or anyone!) wanting to have sex with me, though that is pleasant. It's (again) about how I feel about myself. Not everything is about men and their penises, ya know tongue.gif
Mr Pugs
I have a hard time identifying with bad self images, as I don't have one. I simply meant that confidence is sexy and you should do whatever you have to to gain that confidence. For me the most simple way is to understand that the person you are having sex with wants to have sex with you and finds you attractive. That is all that should matter. Who cares if you don't fit the hollywood cookie cutter idea of what sexy or attractive is. I just find that when I'm in the presence of women who I know find me attractive it is easier to find myself attractive. I wasn't trying to say that everything is about men and their penises, I was just trying to help you out by giving my perspective
QUOTE(Mr Pugs @ Aug 21 2007, 04:20 AM) *
BTW, how many of you women think that a guy will change his mind to want to have sex with you once he sees you naked...has it ever happened to anyone? I couldn't fathom wanting to sleep with a girl, making out with her, and then when she got her clothes off say "eew stretch marks, I can't do this". The only thing that would make me stop when we've went that far is if a penis fell out of her underwear. lol

watch your step, buster....
Mr Pugs
LMP just gave me some insight on your situation GT, I apologize and did not mean any harm. It was my poor attempt at being funny. Again, I'm sorry and did not mean to hurt your feelings.
Girltrouble! Glad to see you're checking in! How's the corset training going?! ~swoon with envy~ Since you're here, maybe you can help me out with my nipple clamp problem (see below).

Mr. Pugs -- it's ok, but just remember this is a feminist message board, so some kinds of attitudes and languages can provoke knee-jerk reactions! You can check out if you have any questions, though!
I'm just wondering how to handle bdsm and my family. Last week my sister's boyfriend flat out asked in front of my sister, "What's with the chain and lock around your neck?" I kinda just brushed it off like, "It's just a necklace." He's kinda stupid so he didn't ask anything else. Then my dad the other day picked it up around my neck, laughed then walked away. I don't know what that was supposed to mean exactly but it kinda bothered me. However, what do you say if someone, a family member, asks? Should I just be honest and tell them, "Hey, this is what we do. It works for us. We like it." I don't want to shut people down who are curious and want information but I don't want to be judged either. A few of our friends know and they asked some questions. One friend was concerned about whether we will continue this when we have children. Another said that he didn't need to spank his girlfriend to get along with her. Neither one of these friends are in model relationships or anything. There is also a lot of gossip in our click and I'm just afraid of it getting back to parents and grandparents. I guess that's my biggest fear is getting judged by others, even when the others are people I could give a shit about. I guess I'm still that scared little catholic school nerdy girl in the corner who is afraid everyone is talking about her.
Pugs, it's totally understandable that you worry about other people's reactions to your relationship style. I mean, it's not like I've been going around telling everyone I know about the bdsm convention. I've told you ladies because I feel like it's easy to be anonymous on here and in real life I have told only 3 of my friends. Just 3 and that's it.

I don't really know how I would tell people. I know it would be weird for some of my friends if I said "oh yeah, he just beats my ass and I love it!" As for family I could never ever tell them. When it comes to sex my dad is extremely conservative and my mom, while being slightly liberal about sex, just wouldn't get it.

Back to the self image thing, contrary to what phobia said I think I actually would feel like my self confidence had taken a blow if my partner didn't find me attractive. Now, so far this has never happened and I hope it never does. But part of me feeling sexy is feeling like I look good enough to attract someone of the opposite sex. Or maybe even the same sex. Whatever, y'all know what I mean.
Well, Pugs, I don't know .... on the one hand, your sex life is your business, but since you're in a 24/7 relationship, it's a little trickier. IMO, as far as parents are concerned, brush it off as much as possible. Your parents don't need OR want to know about your sex life, and really probably won't understand about the lifetsyle thing. If they bug you about it, make it clear that this is about the romantic side of your relationship with your partner and that they don't need to know. With friends, though, it's a bit different. If you've already told them about the 24/7 thing, I think the honest thing to do is answer (good faith) questions honestly. If you start to feel that they are judging you without understanding, and you feel like the relationship is worth keeping, have a talk. OTOH, sometimes we have life events and life changes that mean changing our friends a bit. Sometimes it's something you realize all of a sudden -- "man, I can't believe I never realized how toxic that person is, I have to get rid of hir!" Sometimes it's when you have a kid, or move, or get a new job, and you realize that your current group just doesn't match up with what you want/need/expect from friends (like having to get rid of your college friends who, in their 30s, still think staying up till 4 am and going in to work hungover are acceptable behaviors!). So I wouldn't neccessarily work really hard to maintain friendships with people who obviously think you're sick, damaged, or flat-out wrong. But those are choices you'll have to make yourself (so annoying being a grownup!).

Candycane -- I didn't say that I didn't care if my partner found me attractive, I was just trying to point out that I don't base my self-image on how many people want to have sex with me, even though it is nice and flattering to get attention (except sometimes when you're not expecting it -- once I was wearing cruddy clothes and no makeup 'cause I was working around the house, and I stopped into a gas station for some drinks and snacks, and the cashier just OGLED me, which was really really strange and offputting!). If I don't find myself attractive and sexy, everyone in the world could be beating down my door wanting to get into my pants and it wouldn't matter. Doesn't matter, in fact. When I feel attractive and I'm not gettin any, I usually assume the problem is everyone else biggrin.gif I mean, if my partner stops finding me attractive after they previously did, that's usually a sign that something is wrong in the relationship, not that I've suddenly become ugly. Am I making sense?
phobia - you seem to be getting a little annoyed and defensive about what we are trying to say about self-image issues. I guess what Mr. Pug and I are trying to say at least is that if you are insecure at how you look when naked alone with your man before, during or after sex that is a personal problem that you need to work on. Especially if it's something you argue about. It's not healthy.

As I said before I'm a large woman. Since meeting Mr. Pug 11 years ago I have put on 110 lbs. I used to be 150 and now I'm close to 260. Mr. Pug loves me and our relationship is strong. That is why both of us look past physical flaws and still find each other to be incredibly sexy. I make it a point to look at myself naked at last once a day. I think I'm beautiful. I think my weight gain, stretch marks, acne scars and sagging breasts are a tribute to my life and the things I've been through. I'm by no means saying that skinny people haven't been through anything. I'm just saying that my body and its flaws are mine. I'm happy that Mr. Pug is happy with me no matter what I look like. I'm not going to hide my body in the dark during sex. I want him to know and see what he's making love to. I want to know and see what I'm making love to. When I'm feeling down once in a while about my appearance he lifts my spirits by saying how beautiful I am. Do I need him to tell me that in order to feel good about myself? No, but it helps once in a while. Just as it helps him to feel good about himself when I tell him how amazing he is in bed. He knows he's good in bed. If he wasn't I wouldn't be screaming like a maniac when he makes me cum. I know I'm attractive to him because he gets hard just from me walking from the dresser to the bed. Neither one of us relies on these signs to keep our self-esteem going but it does make us feel good about ourselves.

Here is a great example. I hate being on top. I feel like all my flaws are just out there for him to see. However, I've been getting on top more and more because when I am and I look down into his eyes he just looks so turned on and he physically and verbally admires and compliments me. It makes me feel good and confident.

I guess what I'm trying to say is try having sex with the lights on once in a while. I'm sure he will be just as turned on if not more turned on by seeing you in full light and seeing him so turned on by seeing you might make you feel just a little better about yourself. Do you need him to find you attractive in order to feel good about yourself? Absolutely not...but it helps a little.

Also, I love what you had to say about friends. Mr. Pug and I are finding that as we get older we are moving away from friends we've had for years. They are still working part-time at shitty jobs and have no motivation to continue their education or get better jobs. They still live at home with their parents and have no desire to be out on their own and have responsibilities. They don't want to get married, have children, get serious; not that people who choose to be childless or not marry aren’t serious. Don’t want to step on any toes there. These friends I’m talking about just want to live off mommy and daddy and drink and party all the time. They live at home, bitch about paying like $200 in rent, never pay on time, do nothing to help with housework, and bitch about how much their life sucks but yet they aren’t doing anything to change it. These aren't the choices that Mr. Pug and I have made so it's hard to relate to them like we used to. We are hanging out more and more with people who are more like us.

As far as parents go, I'm trying to avoid the issue with my parents. I keep dodging it. They are persistent sometimes. It's kind of stupid actually. They don't want to know but they won't stop questioning. Sometimes I just want to say, "Dad, it's about our sex life. Do you really want to know? No, okay then leave it the fuck alone." I think that might work don't you? laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif
Oops, computer glitch.
Weeeel, yes, I am getting annoyed and defensive. What I'm hearing from everyone seems to be that as long as my boyfriend still wants to stick his dick in me I should consider myself lucky and just as attractive as I need to be. I am going to re-iterate again what my main point is -- I don't give a shit what my boyfriend or any person thinks of how I look. I'M NOT HAPPY WITH THE WAY I LOOK. ME. ME. ME. All the good sex and my boyfriend telling me I'm pretty aren't going to make any bit of difference. When you were a nerdy kid with braces and pimples, did it help you when your mom told you you were the prettiest girl in school? See my point? My boyfriend loves me for who I am, and we have plenty of great sex. I am unhappy with my body, it feels downright alien to me, and no attention from anyone else is going to help fix that. This isn't a simple "insecurity" issue that I can just fucking "work on," and having the lights on during sex is not going to help in any way. All it's going to do is make me feel worse, because I'll be thinking about the past when I used to have a nice looking body that I really liked, and will just make me depressed. I don't think I'm beautiful. I don't think that I just have some "flaws." I am deeply deeply unhappy with the way I look, ok? Now can we please stop telling me I should just shut up?
PS -- my dad would probably have a coronary if I said "It's about our sex life, do you really want to know?" He'd just drop dead. I swear.
lovemypugs, discretion discretion discretion. seriously. i would just say it's a necklace and leave it at that. no explanations. don't offer information unless someone asks.

phobia, dude, relax. i understand where you are coming from. i've felt the same way even in relationships. body acceptance is not deterrant on being in a relationship. i get it.

next subject....
not really what i was saying at all but we can drop problem

and actually it did help when my mom told me I was the prettiest girl in school smile.gif

but back to bdsm...

candycane - what are you most excited and least excited to learn about at the convention you are going to? Also, they are building a tacobell in our town soon. We haven't had one since we've been here the last two years and I was always kinda happy they didn't have one as we'd be there at least once a week every week had there been one. *sigh*
stargazer - i'm trying honey. my parents suck and so does my sisters boyfriend. he is such an idiot and is always asking inappropriate questions at inappropriate times. one of my other friends is the same fucking way. some men (baby I said some okay) just don't know when to shut the fuck up. I think my sister has a clue but she doesn't really want to know so she doesn't ask.

One of my girlfriends the other day made the funniest comment, I was washing dishes and bitching about it and she said, "Oh get out of the way and just let me do it then." I told her no and said I was just bitching because I could. She then yelled out to Mr. Pug who was in the other room, "Will you come beat your woman. I think she's a little past due." She and her husband know about us and all of us thought it was hysterical. She's usually a little uptight about it when it comes up in group talk and the fact that she made a joke about it was so...soothing I guess. It was nice that she still loves us and can make light of something that I don't think she entirely understands and accepts.
Pugs, stay away from the Taco Bell! I swear they put crack in their food so that you get addicted, honestly, I was eating it like a few times a week and always craving it. The closest one to me now would be about an hour and a half away (when walking) and I don't think I want to go when I finally have access to real Mexican food!

As for Floating World, there are so many classes I'm not completely sure what to check out! There's one called Finding Your Way in the Scene which I'm interested in since I'm pretty much a newbie. There's also SM 101 which sounds good. I'm not so sure about the breath play classes anymore because when I think about it realistically I've always been really freaked out if I'm ever unable to breathe (I think having asthma doesn't help). There are so many different topics! Ageplay, fireplay, rope, caning, punching, it goes on and on. I think that the guy I'm going with might give me a bit of a whooping the night before to get me a bit used to it. He's very experienced in it.

Now one of the really exciting parts is that the guy I'm going with "Jefferson" might use me as a demo in one of his classes about G and P spots. I really hope he does because I'd love to be put on display like that!
ich, sorry phobia, i can't remember what kind of nipple clamps you got, but if they are slipping, they might be the kind with some little black rubber mittens. if you take those off, more often than not they have teeth underneath. this will keep them from slipping, but it will also be more intense.

mr pugs, i give you the benefit of the doubt cos you have the good taste to be married to LMP. but it's not that you hurt my feelings. don't get it twisted. it's just that gets a little old being the "go to" punchline. literally every sitcom eventually gets to trannys. a few weeks ago, hbo's entourage was the latest. i have a phrase i say anytime i see a commercial, movie or tv show that uses transgendered people as a punch line. afterwords i roll my eyes, and say "ha ha! that's cos trannys are ALWAYS FUNNY!" think about it this way...would that have been funny if someone said that same comment but substituted any other catch all trendy group singled out for disrespect?

pugs, phobia called it when she was talking about NOT telling your parents. do you want to know the details of your parents sex life? so they don't get to know yours. as for the necklace. just say it means mr pugs has the key to your heart, blush then say, you know it's corny but it means a lot to you. you won't get any questions. but telling your parents anything more than you absolutely have to is a bad idea. even if you know they are kinky as they come. keep it to yourself. with your friends it's different. if you convey how hot it gets you, who knows why most people will laugh, but leave it alone. my friends know i'm kinky but unless they dig i don't reveal details unless they really, really want to know, and i've told them smaller things and they've been ok with it.

god, candy i can't wait to hear about the floating world... i am so jealous!

my daddy asked me if i wanted to go to paradise--a bdsm event thingy they have here over labor day. plus side: bdsm outdoors, and some pretty heavy players. downside: camping. i am so over camping... that and i think i'm supposed to go with a girlfriend to pick up her new puppy on the other side of the state... the schedule is here:
paradise schedule. one thing strikes me as odd though. on one day, there is a class on inflation-- a particular prediliction of my daddy. (she loves needle play. she gets hot thinking about giving me my bi-weekly hormone shot), and when we did inflation, she could not get enough. add to that that the class is given by a "francesca" which is a pseudonymn she uses.... hmmmmmm...

here is the blurb:
4:00-6:00 Workshop Saline Inflation, big and Bigger and Bigger, OH MY! by francesca

Ever been seduced by a needle...slim metal piercing flesh...a sharp sensation filling full...stretching, stretching, and stretching further than you imagined possible......then maybe saline inflation is for you! One of many forms of temporary body modification, it's not for the faint of heart but it's lots of fun for the Top, can be a very intense experience for the Bottom - and just watch the expressions on the faces of the audience! Join Francesca to learn the 'ins and outs' of saline inflation, live demonstrations will be done. Just HOW much can they take?
I'm not offering any info up to my parents. Sometimes my mom persistantly asks questions about something she really already knows the answer to just because she wants to tell you how wrong you are for doing whatever it is you are keeping from her. That's what I meant by saying something smart to embarrass her and shut her up.

For now I'm just going to keep calling it my necklace and hopefully they will get tired of asking about it.

GT - I'm not making excuses by any means but Mr. Pug and I are white, middle/lower class, suburban, nerdy, young adults and we are sheltered to many things in this world and sometimes it takes us saying something wrong and someone pointing it out in order for us to know that a joke is hurtful or inappropriate. We honestly don't mean any harm we just don't know any better. We are lucky to have an understanding self controlled friend like you to explain and put us in our place, although that sounds kinda harsh and I don't think you were at all. Hope you know what I'm trying to say here cause I don't think I'm saying it properly but I'm trying. Also, ever seen My Cousin Vinnie ? Everyone loves the stuttering lawyer. Being someone who stutters I hate the movie with a passion and remember childhood teasings and tauntings whenever I see it. I'm guess I'm just trying to relate. Sorry. Love you. *big hug*
oh i know he didn't mean anything. but imagine my cousin vinnie x20. i can think of 5 recent commercials, and, off the top of my head, here are a couple of sitcoms that had some sort of transexual joke:rescue me, entourage, it's always sunny, nip/tuck, arrested development... and that's just off the top of my head. it doesn't include movies... which, there are probably more of. i swear every couple of months i hear a new slang phrase or word whose sole existance is making fun of transexuals. i hear people say, oh, fatness is the only acceptable predjudice. really? just try being trans. it's perfectly ok to talk about me behind my back or to my face, to not hire me, to deny me a place to live, and on and on. it just gets old, and i don't see the need to denegrate a person whose life is difficult enough as it is.
I miss you guys!
QUOTE(girltrouble @ Aug 24 2007, 01:28 AM) *
it's perfectly ok to talk about me behind my back or to my face, to not hire me. it just gets old, and i don't see the need to denegrate a person whose life is difficult enough as it is.

I agree. I also have a hard time finding a job. Almost every job involves answering phones in some way. I have a very hard time with my stuttering and answering the phone. Whenever I admit this to a potential employer that is always a problem. Stuttering my way through interviews. Trying to get people to look past it and understand that it will subside after I get comfortable in the job. My mother in law to be still to this day tries to finish my sentences for me even through I've explained why she shouldn't. My mother still doesn't maintain eye contact with me when I'm speaking to her because she's too fucking busy watching doctor phil. It sucks being different sometimes and all the speech therapy in the world won't prevent a relapse for me. It's inevitable. Something I'm always worried about. I'm kind of in the middle of one now. Been having a very hard time talking on the phone lately. I really feel bad for Mr. Pug having to always try to remember techniques to help me get through a sentence. Him having to pick me up when I'm depressed because some asshole laughed at me when I stuttered in front of them. Last semester I had some bitch in my sociology class laugh when I raised my hand to make a comment and stuttered a bit. Took me two weeks to get over that. When Mr Pug went to speech therapy with me the first time it was an awakening for him. The therapist finally explained to him in a way that I couldn't that it's not something I can control and my fear of stuttering makes it all worse. I wish people knew how lucky they are to be able to speak clearly and not have to analyze their words before they say them. Something many people take for granted. My "life is difficult enough as it is" without ignorant people laughing at me right to my face at something I can't control. I feel you girl sad.gif I still love it to this day when I stutter in front of someone and they say, "Just slow down when you talk." The worst thing you can say to someone who stutters.
Hi ladies!

Well, Floating World is over and it was quite an experience. I actually have some pictures that I'm going to get up later this week, I'm not going to post them, just link them.

Unfortunately I am stranded in NYC! I seriously was just running down the stairs to the train and just as I got down there it started moving! I was so upset but luckily I was able to call the guy I was staying with so now I'm back at his place safe and sound. I'm still upset though, and the Amtrak people are mean! Just mentioning.

Anyway, there was a lot of stuff going on. First off I had to share my host Jefferson with another girl. Normally that would be fine but this girl was just a flat out possessive jealous bitch who didn't seem to care that I only see him once a year whereas she sees him once a week! I was really annoyed but once we were alone Jefferson and I talked about it and cleared the air.

Now, onto the classes! There were classes all day long. On Friday Jefferson had a class about the P and G spots and I got to be a demo bottom! It was quite awesome, I got naked in front of the class and what he did was just one had to actually finger me and use his other hand to show the audience what he was doing. I wasn't the only demo bottom, there were 3 other girls and one guy (for the P spot) but it was pretty cool.

On Saturday Jefferson had a class about sex blogging. Poor guy, only one stranger showed up, the rest of the class where just a few of us who he already knows (and fucks). It was quite fun to talk about though. I also checked out classes about playing with strangers, cupping, deafness and control, hot wax, finding your way in the scene, caning, some type of Japanese rope tying that I can't spell and I can't even remember what else! Oh, there was even a women's self defense class!

I met this really hot black guy in uniform called Sir Guy. It was funny because he said that a lot of people seem intimidated by him but he was really so sweet and funny and great to be around.

I had my very first flogging/caning/cutting on Saturday night. It was quite an experience. I actually ended up crying like a baby, like just full out sobbing but it felt like such a release! And of course I especially loved it afterwards when he just held me and ran his fingers over my skin and comforted me.

Anyway, this is really long so that's about it for now!
QUOTE(candycane_girl @ Aug 27 2007, 10:16 AM) *
I had my very first flogging/caning/cutting on Saturday night. It was quite an experience. I actually ended up crying like a baby, like just full out sobbing but it felt like such a release! And of course I especially loved it afterwards when he just held me and ran his fingers over my skin and comforted me.

Candy - sounds like you had a great time. I'm glad you get back in touch with your friend and had a place to stay.

Just to make you feel better, I cry like a baby everytime Mr. Pug really spanks me. I usually fight him on it at first and even giggle sometimes but in the end it is a great release. Also, Mr. Pug holding me afterwards is a must. That way we are both part of the entire experience, before, during and after.

Glad you had such a good time.
GT -- I think i'm going to try the tweezer-style ones instead, at the direction of the woman who runs Sub-shop.

As far as flying off the handle about our own personal issues, I guess we all have those words or phrases that just...set us off. So for Pugs it's "oh just slow down!" or for GT it's about how trans = funny. For me stuff about my body image just pisses me right the fuck off. I think mostly when people are trying to give you advice, they mean well, but like Pugs said, sometimes people don't realize that they are making rude, hurtful, or inappropriate comments. So I apologize for getting upset, but you have to understand that offering somewhat simplistic advice about turning the lights on during sex sounds to me a whole lot like "just slow down when you talk!" It's well-meant but simplistic advice for an issue that is mighty complex.

Moving on, I am so jealous of candycane girl! Sounds like you had such fun! I'm glad you didn't run into any annoying cliquishness (is that even a word?) or people looking down on you for being a n00b biggrin.gif Have lots of fun exploring this side of you, and stay safe! Le sigh!

Still no chance to try the new hitty thingy....went to Toronto for the horror/scifi/comics con, and I'm wiped! I'll keep you all posted, though!
I have to admit, the weekend was good and bad. The good part was meeting new people (I met two really awesome people and had a great time with them), getting my flogging experience and taking interesting classes. The bad part was feeling like I really had to fight to get attention. It's kind of funny because last night Jefferson actually wasn't in the mood and we talked about how silly it was that all weekend there were actually three girls fighting for his attention. I was really glad that he at least acknowledged it because at the time it seemed to me like he was oblivious. He said in retrospect that he should have said something and we should have all discussed it but it just didn't happen. Once again, I was glad that at least we talked about it.

We didn't even have sex last night cause he said that just thinking about it left him feeling annoyed and frustrated. But I think the talking helped because this morning I woke up and he was allll over me. tongue.gif
i have to agree with pugs, one of the main reasons i want to be spanked is because i need that cathartic release of just getting a good cry and letting go of all the bs i hang on to. and caning....oh my! i can't take caning cos i like thuddy (paddles, floggers) as opposed to stingy (whips, canes), but caning someone is... dreamy... i'm drooling as we speak.

i'm glad that you found sir guy. i think the best way to gauge a dom is to watch their aftercare.

this weekend was a crazy one for me too. some "family" friends of the kink variety came up to visit. hilarity insues, of course, but i started writing all the stuff that happened and well it's too long for a thread so i'll just post it in my blog a bit later, since there is more space for the kind of wool gathering and detail i need to talk about it. it was really interesting, but i thing daddy and i came to some pretty profound realizations... atleast i did. i think i've had a pretty serious change in how i feel about bdsm, for now atleast. no, i haven't found jesus, and i don't have any moral misgivings about it, i just think that it's a much more spiritual, personal thing for me right now, where as 2 years ago, i was just gangbusters wanting to be the most baddass tranny domina there was, now....meh... i just want to make my daddy happy and give myself to him... it's weird...

phobia, i used to have the tweezer kind... they were much better at staying on. i'd still recommend the clover or clothes pins though. better solid pressure, not a localized pinch. oh, and my friend introduced me to craft clothes pins.... nasty! they are the thick plastic kind that are usually several different colors with swiveling tips... next time i post i'll see if i can link to all the kinds of clothes pins and find postable pix so you know what i'm talking about....
candy, i'm glad you had fun at the conference! can i tell you it seemed like forever waiting to hear you report about it? wink.gif what a weird triangle to be a part of? me thinks j-man is still a little unexperienced in the daddy training. he needs more training in how to treat his subs. plus, i'm sure it is hard to give everyone attention. for some reason, i'm thinking of the show "big love".....

gt, i have to agree with you about the whole bdsm thing for myself. not that i've done hardly any of the stuff you've done. in fact, i feel like i've done none of it. mellow.gif nor am i sexually active right now. but, i have a different reaction to sex in general nowadays. the costumes etc are nice in the beginning....but, i don't feelings about sex have changed in to wanting sex to be more organic lately. if that makes sense. i dunno. but, simple, natural ways in which domination/submission get played in and out of the bedroom. i don't know if i'm making sense here. but, i liked what you had to write. i guess that's all i had to say. oh, and can you send a link to your blog. cool.
I don't know if it's the cathartic release for me that makes spanking and biting and pain in general so...appealing. I really really like it. It's tough to explain, I guess. It's not that it feels good, but it does feel intense, which I like. Hm. I really can't explain it! I'm not usually at a loss for words!

Ok, let's see. I guess I have some crossed wires in my brain because certain types of pain feel satisfying and erotic to me, i.e., they feel good. Even when it hurts and feels bad, I'm not crying and trying to get away, you know?

Meh, just call me painslut biggrin.gif

GT -- thanks for the tips on the clips. The trouble with the clover kind is that I'm not sure they would work around the jewelery. Which I'm totally going to go get nice new bits of inserted today! Yay!
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