hi kittenb and chacha,
thanks for your replies! i really appreciated it.
kittenb - the chronicbabe website is interesting. i'm trying to spend less time on the computer, but that looks like a good space for support. also, yeah, i'll take you up on your offer. i am seeing a counselor, but she doesn't take insurance, so i see her "as needed"/"as affordable". it's not at all consistent. actually, the herbalist and acupuncturist i am seeing (the same person) is the most consistent person i've been seeing as related to my health. for a while, while looking for low-cost/sliding scale counseling, i had really bad experiences. at a community/free health clinic, i talked with a young LSW man who looked more nervous than i was, and i didn't feel nervous. i just felt depressed and ug. another time, someone was racist, and i stopped seeing her. for a while, there, i was calling hotlines due to stress. i realized that even if i move, it doesn't make my past stay the last place i lived.
chacha - i love words, and i totally knew melanin from melatonin from melanoma. thanks for the 101, tho!
there's actually a radiohead song called melatonin. actually, i'm doing (long-distance) communication with a naturopath since i started doing the dioxychlor protocol. i'm in the beginning process, and i never thought to call her up and ask her. so maybe that's on order. also, as above, the acupuncturist is the herbalist, and vice versa: same lady. at the urging of my counselor, who referred me to the acupuncturist and herbalist, i showed it to that doctor. she looked at it, but didn't say a whole lot. she poked it with her finger, actually, and i sort of wished she hadn't, since i'm afraid of it being contagious.
reading through my journal, i saw that i had a cold sore (on my lip) in late may. life has been tumultuous and a little stressful where i live. i try to avoid arginine-rich foods, but i've also been eating lots of canned herring (sardines), salmon (fresh and canned), and the acupuncturist/herbalist said that i have a good diet, but i need to eat a pound of greens four days out of the week at minimum. she also said no dairy, no spicy food, and at some point she'd get me to join a gym (or just walk around the block, for me). i'm not overweight, but i do feel tired all of the time. the other night, i actually ate some (dairy-free) dark chocolate, and i had the worst insomnia and heart palpitations, so i don't think i can eat chocolate! someone suggested i may have anemia, and told me to get a big jar of (unsulfured, for my asthma!) molasses and take a Tb. of it every day, but it's too sweet, and doesn't fit in with my dioxychlor protocol. i don't have a primary care doc, and haven't had complete bloodwork (CBC, and whatever else i need, maybe TSH???) in over a year (mostly because i haven't had insurance).
before i started eating fish more regularly, i was bordering on vegan, and have been vegetarian for a long time. but i also found myself just eating lots of starches (quinoa, brown rice, rice crackers, lentils, chickpeas, kidney beans, bob's red mill gluten free breakfast, etc.).
the acupuncturist got me into watercress, more spinach, kale, and eggplant. she also got me stir-frying greens. my friend suggested i look at "eat right for your type." the same long-distance naturopath once told me about it, and i even took home a DIY blood-typing kit, but i forgot my blood type and was dismissive of the theory because i didn't like my food options (the meats listed). i'm probably more open-minded now.
lately, i really love fresh, boiled artichoke!
i hear your point on not escalating what is an otherwise straight-forward situation. herpes on finger (ew) = must reduce stress. i don't think i'm going to the place where one of your clients went, thronged with woeful family in tow. i actually don't have a lot of "family", per se, and probably one of my stressors is not having a strong social support network. that sounds so technical, but just feeling like i have people in my life about whom i care. and feel mutual trust and consistency. reducing stress is something i'm definitely working on. i do feel like i've lost my vim and vigor for life, though, and i'm trying to figure out, in a life-sense, what my motivation is, and remember/find out what i'm passionate and care about. i've had a lot of transitions in the last few months, have moved a lot (within the same city), and dealt with some trauma issues.
i worked really hard to get to where i am (moving to the city where i live now, getting a stable job, cutting off contact with people who i felt did not support me and help me grow), and along the way i think i became very self-sufficient but also somewhat bitter and closed. i feel like i've dealt with a lot on my own, and while i'm independent, i've also just been fighting and struggling a lot. it makes me trust myself, but it also exhausts me. i feel like i've spent what reserves i had to get myself over the hurdles of these past several years. i'm alive, but half-toned. i've had to do everything by myself, and while i don't mind being independent, i think i've found it difficult to find help. i'm very hard on myself, it seems.
the most stable - but somewhat stodgy and unfulfilling - element in my life right now is my steady job. i feel like i've kept moving and fighting to get to where i am (financial independence), that i've become stuck on survival mode. i don't enjoy life anymore. if i'm not working, i just want to be at home, and while i've had friends over and been to friends' places for dinner, i usually just stick around at home on the weekends. it's too exhausting to leave the house sometimes, and loud noises really stress me out.
removing myself from stressful situations: the thought of that makes me feel numb! i don't really like the city in which i live, but other times really do. i've moved so many times in the last three years, and it has taken its toll on me, i think. i'm usually a sign that enjoys travel, but lately consistency has its appeal, although not in the boring sense. just...stability, roots. i need that. i'm not sure to where i'd move, and of course the first thing on my mind is, "how will i support myself in xyz place?"
the job gave me a raise last week, and i actually did have three days off last week (for "vacation", in which i stayed at home and in the same city, doing laundry, cooking, buying needed furniture for my apartment, cleaning, and feeling like a normal human being because i felt like i could take care of basic things i was too tired for/didn't have time to do while working). i wish i felt less isolated and lonely where i live.
and, to be honest - although i got the raise, i didn't much care because i dislike/don't believe in my job.
i think i stopped trusting my body after i started grinding my teeth in my sleep (!). i noticed it first in 2005, when i'd wake myself up in the middle of the night doing it. that scared me. i couldn't believe i was doing damage to my body (even unconsciously). my herbalist and acupuncturist said that my overtaxed liver could be affecting my bruxism. i do wear a night guard, and that helps, but i wish i could find a way to stop grinding and being stressed out even in my sleep. when i got a dental cleaning, the hygienist said she wouldn't polish my teeth because the enamel was gone on my molars, and that polishing takes off a layer of enamel each time. this concerned me. stress effects on my body and spirit are expensive.
it's hard sometimes. i wish i had half the energy and joy i had three or four years ago. does stress create misanthropy?
wow, this is longer than i expected.
okay, thanks again for the responses. appreciated much!
QUOTE(chachaheels @ Jul 11 2008, 08:42 AM)
(Melatonin = hormone which regulates circadian rhythm of the body: which determines our cycle of sleep/wakefulness
Melanin = pigment in our skin which darkens on exposure to sunlight, plays a role in vitamin D synthesis in the body
Melanoma = cancer of skin tissue)
very confusing because they are so closely related, no? Melatonin is what may help you out here.
Best to ask a nutritionist about melatonin, or a naturopath. It isn't an herbal medicine: although an herbalist would likely be very helpful in finding herbal remedies to restore your health that would be better than the melatonin in your case.
In my experience, herpes of all kinds will only surface when the "immune system" is so overtaxed the nervous system suddenly succumbs to illness. As far as nervous system disease, herpes is very, very mild: take this as a warning sign that you must prioritize eliminating much of the stress from your life.
That means: you must eat regularly, and you have to eliminate junky foods and processed foods--anything you would eat because you don't have time or you're rushing or you can't afford the real food. If this means you have to find someone to nurture you with food, then that is what it means....but really what I'm saying is your body's demanding some steady, nourishing food, on an ongoing basis. No more crap, simple as that: and stop sweating the chocolate. You're obviously craving it, so you need it. As for the arginine, your body needs it anyway, just like it needs all the amino acids, all the time. It's one trace element in chocolate which is not even considered the active medicine anyway (and you better believe that chocolate is a medicine, it's been used that way for more than 5000 years, and for good reason). You're working yourself up over nothing.
It would then follow that: you must remove yourself from situations that are making you feel stressed. First: stop looking at the internet for information on this stuff (you'll find far too much information that does not pertain to your case! This can't do anything except stress you out). I end up with a lot of patients who are given a "name" for their symptoms, rush to the internet to find out what it is, then invariably call me in a panic because they've only read about the extreme worse case scenarios and they are now in fear for their lives. My latest was diagnosed with too much iron in his blood--so naturally his fate, according to the internet's definition of the name of his condition, was daily dialysis and a lifetime of many drugs. His entire family were in tears when I showed up for his consultation, convinced he was never going to be "normal" again.
One dose of one remedy and a month on a crap restricted diet (on which he ate more food than usual, just far better stuff), and his doctors are very impressed to see his symptoms completely reversed. And they told him the internet information was for patients much, much further along in their disease than he was. My point is he freaked himself out so much he didn't ask for more details about his own case, and then just panicked when he read the information on line, which DID NOT reflect his own disease status.
If you are seeing an acupuncturist, tell him or her you are having these symptoms. There is such a thing, in energy medicines like acupuncture and other forms of traditional Chinese medicine, asian medical systems like ayurveda, and homeopathy, known as "the direction of cure", where symptoms are expected to arise as part of the process of healing--all in a predictable way. Often these symptoms pinpoint exactly how the treatment is going--they inform the practitioner about your progress good or bad; they are temporary; if needed they can be reversed with the use of an "antidote"; they may even be what we call a "proving" symptom which can result from the use of contradictory methods of treatment (does your acupuncturist know you're seeing an herbalist, and vice versa?) or from using too much of a medicinal substance. For example, quite a few of the solanacea plants (tomatoes, dulcamara, tobacco, etc) can cause symptoms like the ones you describe on your hand--if you take too much of the substance (and how much is too much depends only on you). If you're using alternative health methods, you have to tell your practitioner so he/she can manage your case properly: it's important to remember that if you choose to work with these methods they involve a lot more than just taking a pill oh having a treatment with acupuncture and then just going on your merry way. We're conditioned to do that by conventional medicine, but you can't apply the same logic with alternatives.
You've got a big fear of disease and germs in general, so that's stressing you out even more than everything else and your "immune system" doesn't need to be taxed any more than it is--talking to your practitioners will make a big difference here. Try and remove yourself from anything you don't need to put up with--take some time off from a lousy job situation, if that's bothering you; stop taking calls or hanging out with people who cause you some difficulty for a while; try to spend a lot more time resting; if you've got deadlines to meet see if you can't negotiate yourself some extra time for them (especially if you're in school and stressing about work you've got to get done--just ask for extensions ahead of the due date and rest).