Jun 4 2006, 06:05 PM
Wow. I've been chatting with this really awesome guy for about 6 months. Anyways, he came up to GA this weekend. I had no idea how we would get along.
As things turned out, we get along great. He's real, funny, smart, and hot. We didn't have sex. We did fall asleep together. However, the bitch of the problem is he lives in SC. Now, SC is only 2 hours from GA. However, I haven't been in an LDR for about 5 years.
Tips would be very appreciated.
On a side note, I happened to have a seizure today. Of course, embarrasment. He just looked at me, kissed my forehead, and told me that he wasn't going to run away.
Okay, I'll shut up now. I'm just a bundle of nervous energy. I really like this guy, and he seems to like me. I just don't want him to go find someone back at Clemson (he only lives there, but doesn't go to college there).
This totally made up for the shitastic date that I talked about in "HE Said WHAT?" thread. Oddly enough, I met both of these people off the same website.
Emtee, how's it going?
Jun 4 2006, 07:34 PM
we went out about 5 times, sassygrrl, and then, as usual, things went bust. He was a nice guy, but there just wasn't enough depth to the attraction.
Oh, and our hockey team lost in the first round. Boo.
Jun 4 2006, 08:33 PM
That sucks about the hockey game too....
Jun 6 2006, 03:09 PM
Any tips on LDRs busties? I'm just getting all anxious is all... any good books anyone has read or something? I'm just nervous and really excited...and not even sure if this will lead into anything...but we seem to just click. I know that sounds so fucking typical....
Any help would rock.
Jun 7 2006, 11:59 PM
chloedan- I've been doing the long distance thing for almost 2 years with my wife, and I have to say things just aren't quite right until we have sex. Until then, it's not quite awkward, but it's not quite magical either.
Jun 8 2006, 05:43 PM
So, I was just wondering what kind of guys like a gal who jokes a lot (kinda like chelsea handler) and is not a priss. No, this is not a want ad- I'm just wondering coz the answer seems to be only the usual douchebags who hit on everyone anyway. And the good guys all seem to go for girly girls, nice, good-and-proper girly girls who coo n shit...
PS: I know that technically this post belongs in the Genral Rel/Dating advice section, but somehow I dont think my dilemma is as bad as the woman who found out that her husband has been boinking other guys.
Jun 10 2006, 09:16 PM
"And the good guys all seem to go for girly girls, nice, good-and-proper girly girls who coo n shit..."
Just are there are girly-girls and women who joke a lot and have fun, there are men who like girly-girls and men who like women who joke a lot and have fun. Maybe you're looking at the wrong guys.
I held one together for almost three years, but it ended because we couldn't take it to the next level, or really any level for that matter. Intimacy requires proximity, it seems. For us, we really needed to be together in order to create a relationship that was more than just dating.
I have no answer, but sincerely wish LD/OR's all the best in the world. If you're really in love, talk about one of you moving. There have to be grocery store moments in any relationship, and you can't get enough of those when you're apart to make it real.
Jun 11 2006, 01:38 PM
sassygrrl, (and for all ladies in a LDR/OR/R with a significant other in the military overseas):
They can be successful. I know this because I have a success story that combines all three of the above factors.
I met a guy online about three years ago through a friend of my current boyfriend. (For respect for privacy, I will refer to him by an abbreviation of his penname, SF). All knew each other online, but hadn't met in person. Needless to say, my current relationship was waning, and left much to be desired.
I left my now-ex, graduated from high school and decided to go to college about 200 miles north of my parent's house, sever all ties, and start over. SF's family lived about another 200 miles north of my college, but he was military, stationed in Germany. We waited and pined for each other for six months until he could come home on leave. He was the best Christmas present I have ever gotten.
During those six months we fell in love, and during his month leave we solidified our feelings in person. Then he left again, back to Germany, and two weeks after, to Iraq.
His family was warm and loving. Soon after he left, I began renting a room from them and, amusingly enough, lived in SF’s old bedroom. Thirteen months passed with him in constant danger in a war zone, and all the letters, e-mails and sparse telephone calls did suffice, though barely. Nothing could replace the feeling of companionship. I kept myself busy (a VERY wise thing to do when in any of the above relationships) and the time DID pass. Slowly, and a bit painfully, but it DID pass.
I thought that after thirteen months apart, we might have grown apart as well. Completely the opposite. We were able to really -talk- to one another, through whatever means available, about us and our relationship. We got to know each other’s insides more than just letting our bodies do the talking, so to speak. We grew stronger because of our struggle apart, and we cherished the time we did have together.
The day he came home, one of my roomies went and picked him up from the airport, because I had just gotten out of surgery. (I have what I would call problematic ovaries. I am much better now.) That day, I was doped up on vicodin and that whole wonderful mess the hospital gave me, and was barely conscious. I was told later that he walked into the room and to my bed, gently put his arms around me, and stayed in that bent-over hug position for almost an hour, just whispering to me. I must have heard some of it, because I had started to quietly cry.
SF's as close to a real-life prince charming that I think I could ever find. He's still a man, of course, and a person with flaws, but given the option, I don't think I'd have it any other way. He's in inactive military now, and we've been living together for over a year. We’re not technically engaged, but I feel at times as if we’re already an old married couple. =P I hope my story encourages all of you ladies to, no matter what others think of LDRs or –especially- ORs, to have faith in yourselves and follow your heart. =)
Jun 11 2006, 03:26 PM
Seraphine, what a lovely story! I'm so happy for you. I think I mentioned this in another thread (maybe the one about how do you know if you have a good guy?), but last week as he was preparing to leave, I had a grand mal seizure. This would freak most people out, and apparantly he just held me and talked to me. He even wrote down detailed notes to give my neurologist the next day. Of course, I was insanely embarrased for it to happen so soon. In my mind, I thought he was about to leave. He just kissed me on the forehead, and said: "Well, now I know what to do if they happen again." It's no wonder though. That past week I had just started a new job, gotten my period, and met a wonderful man.
We try to communicate once or more a day. We also talk on the phone. I don't drive (due to the seizures), but he is coming back in 2 weeks. We both discussed that we want more than an physical relationship, which I think it a good thing.
I'm just excited and nervous all at once. Both of my old LDR/OR did not work out. Once was with a man in Germany, and the other was with a man in St Louis. I also met both of those men online.
Your story gives me hope. I also agree with you about keeping busy. I'm just trying to keep focused on my job and other aspects of my life. I tend to fall in love too fast.
He started using the words "we" and "Future" which freaked me out, but also made my heart skip a beat.
Thanks for your words of encouragement. Everyone I seem to talk about an LDR, seems to automatically tell me that it will fail.
Jun 12 2006, 01:14 AM
sassygrrl, isn't it a great feeling to know that the person who cares for you cares for all of you, faults and medical issues included? =)
It sounds like you two are really clicking. He sounds like a lovely man. I am glad that you keep communication frequent, and hopefully you will see also that time apart will in fact strengthen your communication skills with each other. This will also help you achieve more than just a physical relationship, as you said.
There is nothing wrong with opening your heart to someone, but I do know what you mean about falling in love (or what one percieves to be love) too quickly. However, don't let that assumption or your past unsuccessful LDR/ORs muddy up the waters for this one.
I am so glad you got something out of it. Yes, keeping busy was very very helpful, especially when I felt very lonely. Keeping photos, and silly enough, a shirt or two of his to sleep in, along with a stuffed animal from his childhood (any sentimental item of his, really) really helped me stay connected and feel that a part of him was still with me while he was away.
I have to be careful who to tell that my guy and I met online, and who to just tell we met through mutual friends. Some people have the mindset (through ignorance, or jumping to conclusions based on a few events on the news) that meeting people and dating just can't sucessfully be done via the internet. Well, as technology progresses, instead of chatting over a cup of tea in the same room with all of you ladies, we're spread out all over the world, yet unveiling our personal lives even though we (for most) barely know each other. One needs to address ORs with openmindedness, rather than shutting the door on the idea from the start. Personally, I think it's a great way for certain types of people to meet. Hell, it's very much better than meeting someone in a bar.
Any relationship has the potential of failure... though, my dear, it also very much has the potential of success. I'll say it again, though this time with a little more 'oomph': follow your heart! =D
...Which I know you are doing. =)
Jun 12 2006, 03:57 PM
Seraphine (tres cool handle by the way), yes it is. Most people are very intimidated by seizures or epilepsy. I really wish someone with star status like Michael J Fox would come out and dispel some myths. The only public figure I know that takes about it is Stephen Merrit from Magnetic Fields (ah 69 love songs...). Sorry, had to go on a little rant there.
We shall see. I just found out that my work is having a party in July, and he may be able to come up for it. Regardless, I'm just trying to keep myself busy, and looking forward to seeing him in 2 weeks.
I sent him a little note this week, that he should be getting later on. I know that's cheesy... but ah well.
Jun 12 2006, 06:35 PM
warning---bitchy post ahead... fueled by ben/jerry's ice cream and ani difranco.
Well, just when I think that everything is going great. I get this IM from the boy saying that he wants to come up to Atlanta in two weeks. Which is groovy, but that's Pride weekend. I normally volunteer with Aids Atlanta. But, that's not the kicker. He wants to stay with a friend of his. A girl friend.
Now apparantly, she has an fiancee. However, how I am supposed to know that he doesn't want to fuck her? Or that they have a history together?
So, there I am freaking the hell out over IM (mind you that I only got about 4 hours of sleep last night...) thinking that he doesn't want to ever see me again.
We talk on the phone. He tells me that people are asking about me, and he keeps saying that he wants to see me. However, a lot of mixed messages. He's not sure if he wants to stay with me. He's not sure if he's going to stay with his friend. I just keep hearing him saying "I don't know..." In my mind, I'm automatically thinking the worse.
I know that we're both in a stage of doubt right now. Ironically, both of us talked about each other to our respective therapists. Both therapists gave us the same advice: Be careful. We don't know eachother, and we did spent a great long weekend together... a little dangerous to invite a complete stranger into your house and bed. But what's life without danger right?
He keeps telling me that seeing me would be an excuse to get out of the house. Shit. I don't know if he's being just a smartass, or being for real. Then he mentions mid stream when we're talking about mp3 players, "You think our kids will have those?" I mean, I don't mean, "our kids..."
Fuckity fuck fuck... and why the hell did I invite him to be my plus one at this work function, when he can't even make up his mind about me? I mean, I know we haven't even talked about "dating" exclusively, and maybe that's why he's freaking....
FUCK. I left it up in the air. I may have to volunteer that weekend anyways, and he keeps not wanting to make up his mind.... I just said that I'd see him in two weeks.
Why am I wigging so much? I don't want him to think that I like him(but I know he knows), but I keep thinking that I'm coming on too strong, and he's acting SUPER casual lately..... I just hope he didn't treat me like a random cunt. I am not a fuck and run.
Thanks for letting my vent.
Jun 12 2006, 07:20 PM
I HATE FIGHTS OVER Instant Messaging.
Jun 13 2006, 07:30 PM
Hmm. Well, I can understand how you would be upset. I wonder too (in order to piece together his rationale for staying with this other woman) just who she is to him and her significance in his life. Did you really talk to him about that, and ask him why he wishes to stay there? Perhaps he doesn’t know that he is ‘cool’ to stay with you? Or is he? Try and get some more info on this lady friend of his. My gut feeling is that the whole arrangement will be kosher, but then again I am not you and may not know the whole story. =)
I also despise fights over instant messengers. I have a log of them on my machine, and I dare not look at them, especially when I am having –another- fight (I wonder why I saved them? Twisted nostalgia/sentimental value? Hmm).
Isn’t the right therapist like a warm, soft robe, comfy slippers and a delicious cup of cocoa (or coffee, for some) on a Sunday morning? Completely soothing. I am glad they recommended you to be careful rather than trying to persuade you to rethink things—which you shouldn’t, in my opinion. There are always risks with new relationships and opening oneself up to another person—always—but risk can be thrilling in some cases. *winks* We shall see, eh?
“He keeps telling me that seeing me would be an excuse to get out of the house.” I am not quite sure what you (or, rather, he) meant by that. *boggles* Hmm… an odd remark. Ask him what he meant? I assume part of your criteria is an honest and (perhaps) straightforward guy. Better to ask those questions now, pick his brain, and know what he is like –now-, before too much more time progresses. “I’m sorry, what did you mean by that?” would do the trick. If he’s unwilling to explain himself, full well knowing that you are intelligent (not asking because you are dull-witted) and perhaps he was being vague (which often males are, lordy), then he should be perfectly willing to answer any damn inquiry as honestly as he can, knowing that it is important to you.
You do not have to be overly forward, but I suggest you tell the gent’ how you really feel about him. Preferably do this –after- he has told you how he feels about you. Don’t even let the “Will I scare him off? Will I come on too strong?” thoughts into your head. If he truly cares about you, nothing—general worries, strength of feelings, medical problems, nothing—will be able to scare him away. You just might be surprised to learn just –how- much he cares about you. =)
Knock ‘em dead, sassygrrl! And if he misbehaves, knock ‘em upside the head! *grins* But first, make sure you talk in length with him about –any- and –all- topics that you have questions on.
Best of luck to you!
(Thank you for the compliment towards my handle. =) I am a fantasy artist, and Seraphine is ‘my’ character creation: a winged lady paladin of truth, honor, and light. =) )
Jun 14 2006, 05:11 PM
Ugh. I was trying to get information about this lady friend. All he told me was that she goes to nurseing school, and is always busy. So, that didn't tell me anything about a possible previous relationship.
I don't know. I live with three woman in a house (I'm renting a room), and maybe he felt uncomfortable staying here? I don't understand why he didn't just come out and say it! He knows that I'm trying to improve the situation,and am actively looking for my own place.
Yes. I love my therapist. He keeps my sane on the days when the world is falling apart. He just told me to be careful.
On the flip side, I'm going to start dating other people. I am meeting this new guy named Steve from MySpace this weekend. We may go to Sonic Youth next week.
I don't want to seem too forward. But, it just seems he was even pissed that I had made plans with other people (being it's Pride weekend...), and wasn't going to drop all my plans to see him. I mean, he's the one that wants to see two people in one weekend. I think that's fine. I just want to know who this girl is.
I then found out later on in the fight that he was working also on 4 hours of sleep. Maybe he was in a shitty mood, but why didn't he just tell me that? Why did he get all pissed off when I mentioned a guy friend ? (who is married).
I just don't want to give away my heart too soon. I have no idea if he even wants it. I know that self doubt is creeping in, but jeez!
Jun 15 2006, 05:07 PM
Got an email from the boy stating that he wanted to get to know me on more an emotional/intellectual level, and that we moved too fast (physically). I agreed. We may rent some movies, and just see if we can spend some good time together next weekend. He said he wasn't sure if he wanted to begin the relationship on this tone.
He hasn't brought up the whole thing with this new girl.
So, should I be excited that he's thinking about the future about the relationship? He basically said he didn't know what he wanted. I figured this much.
I'll keep you updated.
Jun 16 2006, 06:50 PM
my ex-boyfriend lives in PA while I live in Virginia. It's a 3 hour drive for him and I could only see him on weekends. He would never trust me or belive me though. We got into a huge fight because he saw some text messages from this guy and thought I sent some back. He hit me and called me a slut and this and that and it was rediculous. He then appoligized when my friend told him the truth, but when he got home he went on with the same thing. He's threatend to ruin my life and all that stuff. He's threatend to kill himself too. I called the National Suicide Prevention hotline because I couldn't get ahold of him when he said he overdosed. I don't know why he does this. I don't understand. Sometimes I just want to be left alone from him. It bothers me. I have absolutely no idea what to do about this situation but all I know is right now I don't want to get back in it, for a while. Any advice?
Jun 16 2006, 10:45 PM
sassygrrl, it sounds like you are heading in the right direction with this one. Dating on the side is fine by me as well, just to see who and what you like better. Knowing yourself and your own feelings really helps in a relationship... and like me I am sure you want to be sure! Let us know all about what happends this weekend--hopefully you two are snuggled on the couch munching on popcorn and giggling to videos as I type. -I- think you should be excited. Give this one a test-drive, and see what happends. =)
allygat0rr, what a horrible situation you are in, or were in, poor thing. You say he is your ex--so you are speaking about a past relationship? If it is current, whether he is your ex or otherwise, let me be candid in saying that he is being abusive to you, and you need to let him know that his abusive behavior ends *NOW* or else, my dear, you will be much, much, much! better off (emotionally, physically, spiritually) without him holding you back from your own happiness. What he was and/or is doing is wrong, wrong, WRONG! Believe me. It's selfish, and it's destructive to you, him and (if you are still seeing each other) to your relationship. Is he willing to try therapy? Would he be willing to if you told him that whatever relationship you two have depended on it? Talk to him about this via the telephone, preferably. NO man (or person, for that matter) who truly cares about you will EVER threaten to ruin your life, overdose because he/she claims you 'drove him/her to it,' or hit you. EVER.
I have more to say about this, allygat0rr, but I want to first know how you are doing, clarify whether this relationship has ended or is still current, and see what you think. Many supportive hugs.
Jun 17 2006, 07:04 AM
Well. Lastnight he said. You need to tell me *NOW* if we are going to work or not. I said we can't. It's not possible. He started yelling at me and saying I never loved him then and blahblahblah. It was stupid. I didn't care. He then said, "You have three choices. A. You make us work. B. You don't and we still talk. Or C. We don't work and don't talk." I said B... but then he was like. "You know what that pisses me off we can't talk anymore. It hurts blahblahblah. You are going to turn into a slut, and go out to parties and drink and let guys take advantage of you. I don't care. I can't be with someone like that anyway." So then he was saying all this stuff to make me upset like, "Just don't forget about... and you were my first TRUE love..." It was making my crazy. He then said I love you, goodbye Ally, and hung up. I didn't know what to do so I just laid in my bed and eventually fell asleep. He then called me 7 times. I was sleeping of course but on the seventh time I did not pick up. He has done it before. He says he never wants to talk to me again, and then he does. So you know what, I'm not doing that again! I just feel weird. I feel hurt and mixed up, but at the same time I'm kind of glad it is like this. What I'm scared is if he tries to do anything to me emotionally or physically or himself, because as crazy as it may sound I still care about his well-being.
Jun 17 2006, 12:38 PM
allygat0rr, of course you care about his well-being. You're a sweetheart, in the literal meaning of the word. Though there comes a time when his well-being is just completely out of your hands. This is that time.
I dated a guy who I saw once a yearish at a summer camp, back when I was in my teens. We dated for about a month during/after camp, then I broke up with him because (to me) I felt we just wern't clicking. Next year at camp I found out he'd been coveting me for a year, above obsessively, involving cutting himself and freaking out. He begged me to get back together with him (I barely knew the guy!) and even threatened to hurt himself if I didn't. I had to make a choice right then and there. It was one of the hardest things, because I was worried about his level of seriousness. I told him that I care about him as a person and a friend, and that it would hurt -me- deeply if he hurt himself. I also told him I could not be his girlfriend.
He punched a couple trees, and lost himself in the woods; rangers found him a couple miles away from camp hours later, curled up on a fallen tree by the road. He was in poor shape emotionally, a little bloody at the knuckles, but otherwise fine. I hear he began therapy after that year at camp, and it's been at least five years since. He's still alive.
My point is that everyone has a life, allygat0rr. Everyone has a life, and the means to do with it what they please. You have a life, I have a life, and so does he. -He- is the only person that can make or break his life, -not- you. Realizing that, I think you will be worlds better off. As callous as it sounds, I wouldn't let yourself have another heartache over this guy. You have done and will continue to do all you can to support him, which is wonderful, but at the end of the day, -he- is going to make a choice whether he wants to live a happy life, a selfish life, a destructive life, or a loving one.
My heart goes out to you. Please remember my words. *HUGS*
Jun 17 2006, 01:27 PM
I totally agree with you, and I'm definatly going to do as you say. One thing though is.. he doesn't want me to go back into competetive online gaming. I used to play a game called Counter-Strike and I was very serious about it. He says that it's what made our relationship bad in the beginning. That it ruined our connection and influenced me with bad people, which isn't true. He says he saved me from it though. He says he saved me from wating my life on something stupid. To me, it's not stupid. He keeps bugging me and asking me wheather or not I'm going to go back to it. Should I? It is truly something that I do love to do. He said he worked hard to get me away from it.. I don't know..
Jun 17 2006, 02:52 PM
Ally, it seems to me that you loved this competetive gaming thing. Was it one of your passions? If it something that you truely love to do, then go back to it.
I understand that you still have feeling for him (I'm still having dreams about my abusive ex-fiancee who was extremely verbal and physical abusive to me a few years back. In fact I had a dream while mr. online boy was here. I woke up in tears. Obviously, I didn't tell him what happened....) I guess what I'm trying to say much like seraphine said, is that we all have our lives.
Please keep us informed. Much hugs.
As far as I go, the boy is coming down next week. There's a great exhibit in Atlanta called Bodies that we may go (he's just a geek, and seems like he'd be into that) to when he's down. I'm going to restrict myself from tearing his clothes off, although I'm sure that will happen. I'm glad that he just doesn't want me as a fuck buddy. I'm still unsure about this girl friend he has, but I thought it was funny that he got a little pissed that I had other stuff going on that weekend.
I believe one of you busties said that it's very important to stay busy in an LDR. I so agree. I'm still dating around (because techinally we haven't had a talk about commitment yet...), and just seeing if I like others...
Basically, I don't want to give away my heart away too early to turn around and have it slammed against a wall. I think he and I both have the same fears (which I believe is where that fight came from) which is understandable.
The question is, do I tell him that I'm dating around? Would that risk the relationship? I mean he's around talking about the future of the relationship which is so damn exciting but scary at the same time....
I'm heading to a Sonic Youth with a My Space crush I have on Monday night.
Jun 17 2006, 09:43 PM
allygat0rr, once a gamer, ALWAYS a gamer. Why do I say this? Check out my post in the Wanna see my D-20? The geek thread...
; I am a chick gamer as well. =D (Check out that thread and don't be shy--I am sure you're not the only C-S addict bustie out there!) I used to be incredibly addicted to Everquest2. Loved that game, knew everyone on my server, and everyone knew me. My boyfriend and I were both EverCrack addicts, but I played more. It can be hard on a relationship, but then again so can so many other things/hobbies/interests/etc. I second sassygrrl in saying, "If it is something you truly love to do, then go back to it!" =) And let me know how it is; I have wanted to try it--it's an MMO, yes?
sassygrrl, there is nothing wrong with tearing off the boy's clothes... *grins* ...but as we've discussed, it's best you get some quality conversation in as well as some quality sex. While the concept of a fuck buddy may seem refreshing for some (I sometimes think of how it might be nice to have a hot fling every once in awhile, but those thoughts will forever stay in Pandora's Fantasy Box, heh) it's definitely a good thing that that is not -all- he wants from you. I think my gut instinct was right--the relationship with the "other" woman does sound kosher. Good, good.
I think I was the preacher for the "staying busy" sermon, hehe. Glad you are doing so! It not only passes the time, but if you do things that you enjoy, you'll find yourself having fun in the meantime.
As to whether or not to tell him you are dating around--I don't see the need to. If he hasn't requested to take your relationship to the next tier, and get serious and ask you to be his one and only girl, then what you do on the side is your own business. Let's just hope he's straightforward with you on his feelings, so you -know- whether or not he wants you to be his girlfriend, or just his date. This is why I suggested talk, talk, talking with him. =) It sounds like he's really into you, though! Weeee!
I sure do miss the dating scene sometimes. Finally when I've gained confidence and am no longer self-conscious of when guys drool at me, especially those dead sexy ones, I am completely and wholly taken. Le sigh. Hmm... maybe my guy will let me have some fun on my birthday next Saturday? Lol, just kidding. =P But still, for my raging libido's sake, boo-hoo!
Have a wonderful Saturday evening, busties!
Jun 17 2006, 10:16 PM
Heh. I didn't know that was your thread seraphine! How cool! I'm getting back into gaming myself. Now that I finally have my computer back.
Yes, although it seems that wanting a fuck buddy would be rad (well, that was the old me), I'm trying to also appeal to his intellectual side. I just sent him an email inviting him to this groovy science exhibit on the human body, and that we needed to pick up a trivia game at target. I think he's going to bring back his kite again, and a chess board. He's also going to bring me some computer games and my new speakers.
Heh. Just got invited to random strip club tonight. Am too tired to go. My friend Eric knows a bunch of strippers (he's one of the ones I've considering dating on the side).
Good. I don't think I'm going to tell him. I just figured we haven't had the talk yet. And, considering we've only spent like one great long weekend together...
Funny though. My parents are all getting interested in trying to weed out a relationship/boy..... "SO... is anyone coming UP this weekend??" I love how they're trying to hint... I was like "No...." (they were asking about this weekend anyways..and just an old college friend tried to come up).
Jun 18 2006, 01:47 AM
sassygrrl, it's by no means 'my' thread, I just recently posted in it. =) I would have to check and see who created the thread, but whoever did is awesome! Drop a line in the geeky thread and let us all know what kinds of games you play. =)
I find myself sometimes -still- IMing my guy (whose computer desk is two feet to my left, and 90 degrees counter-clockwise from mine) to talk about certain more sticky subjects. It may be a defect in my ability to effectively communicate verbally, or perhaps it's just that I am so used to expressing myself through IMs, e-mails and the internet. One thing does seem to work for us, though: when we are having those really bad arguments that make us have to catch our tongues, we slowly "talk" it out through IMing each other. Dorky, I know, since we are still sitting in the same room, but it sure beats pissed off silence.
By the way, I am a BUST linking n00b, and I think I screwed up that link to the geek thread. You can find it in Media Whores.
Jun 18 2006, 10:50 AM
Seraphine, that makes sense about the IM. Although it's a strange form of communication,I think my boy and I have some of the best talks via it. I think he feels he can open up more to me on it than in person (he's still so shy. He said he was really worried about coming out about his depression to me in person, so he told me via IM). Either way I would have not minded. I think he knows that I suffer from depression.
Going to dinner with my Myspace crush tonight, and heading to the Sonic Youth concert tomorrow night! I guess this goes in the crush thread, but he seems like a sweet guy. Yet, I feel like I'm already cheating. Stupid I know.
I hope everyone is having a kick ass weekend!
Jun 18 2006, 01:55 PM
I told online boy about going to concert with stephen (myspace crush). I think I told him earlier that I knew a lot of men as friends. I'm just hoping he didn't flip. He's going to have to get used to me having many male friends, b/c I only have about 4-5 girlfriends (with the exception of many busties...
I did tell him that I'd see him in a week, and he was all "less than a week honey, I can't wait..." Heh. Le Sigh.
Jun 18 2006, 04:03 PM
sassygrrl, I endorse long talks via IMs. It also can yield to quite erotic conversations if you both are in the mood. Wuwu. ;)
Have an awesome dinner! I am going to the practically-in-laws tonight for Father's Day, but I am hoping to get a bit of cuddley-time in with my guy before we have to rest for work tomorrow. I've wanted 'some' all weekend, damnit! Le sigh, indeed. I think I need some disposable servant men.
Jun 18 2006, 04:11 PM
Yes, we have had some X rated conservations on IM. Hell, one today just involved me talking dirty to him. I'm getting better at that.
Have fun tonight hon! And, I understand about wanting servant men. I've been so insanely horny the last couple of weeks.
I'm just hoping I don't want to ripe off crush's clothes tomorrow night at Sonic Youth show. Heh. Ended up not going to dinner with crush, b/c had horrid migrane, but we're still on for the show.
Jun 18 2006, 07:16 PM
I hate IM fights.
Now, he's telling me that he wants to see me on Friday night/Saturday, and see his friend on Saturday/Sunday. But he doesn't know if wants to come back on Sunday to hang out with me or her. But, he's still not sure of her schedule. I mean it works out okay b/c Pride is going on, and my friend from college wants to see me on Saturday afternoon. He doesn't seem like he cares to see me, b/c he seems more interested in his friend...WTF??? I was kidding him about having two dates. I understand about him wanting to see his friend, but... FUCK. I thought the whole point of futhuring this relationship, was getting to know me better on a more emotional level. You can't do that when you only have 24 hours today? When you're scheduled to meet two people within one 48 period.
One second he's all happy to come see me, and the next he doesn't really seem to care. I still don't know the relationship between this friend and him. He keeps telling me that she's engaged.
I already told him that a friend is coming up on Saturday, so that would actually work out fine.
I have no idea anymore. GAH!!!!
Jun 18 2006, 07:37 PM
I just don't understand why he wants to have a future relationship, yet see two seperate woman in one weekend. How can a relationship grow without time? And, how can we get to know eachother in a 24 hr period once or twice a month?
He was the one that didn't want it to make it about sex, and wants to get to know me on an more emotional level. I don't see how we can do that, when he's running off to see a friend the next day? Yes, I'm jeolous. I shouldn't be, she's engaged. But, I have no idea if there's a old history.
Grr! Thanks for letting me vent. I'm seriously stressing out. I just wish he would tell me an answer. Are we fuck buddies, friends with potential, or actually dating?
Jun 19 2006, 12:00 AM
(((sassygrrl))) This boy is giving you the runaround, it seems. Don't feel bad for being jealous. I'd be. Maybe if you ask, he can take you with him to visit her? I mean, why not? Part of learning about someone is learning how they interact with other people, around you. I think it would be a good idea for you to meet his friend, see what she's all about. She might even turn into a girl friend, you never know. What do you think? Always feel free to vent. =)
Dinner was lovely. My guy is too tired, yet again. Damn work schedule keeps tiring him out. I'm going to try once again, though. I've become adept at the ways of seduction... *evil smirk* Sometimes a girl needs more than just food to be satiated.
Work tomorrow; boo! I also have a final exam! Can't I just fastforward to Tuesday morning? *wishes*
Jun 19 2006, 04:04 AM
We had a long talk via IM last night. I basically told him to tell me his plans for this weekend, so I can make other plans as well. As it turns out, my friend Robert is going to be up on Saturday... So, we'll both have plans.
Still doesn't mean it doesn't hurt a little.
Apparantly, they're friends from college. I may ask next time he's up to meet her. He may meet Robert by accident (He'll be in town, and wants to go to lunch with me). I figure if my friend is in town, and J is dumping me to go hang out with a friend of his, I may as well go.
I basically told him that if he didn't want to see me the whole weekend to let me know, so I could make other plans.
I'm still super pissed though. He tells me that he wants to start a basis of a good emotional relationship, but only hang out with me for one night? WTF?
Dinner sounded lovely. Ugh. Why does it have to be Monday?
As weird as this sounds, my weird cheating feeling on him about going to the Sonic Youth show is gone. I can't wait to hang out with my friend Steve.
Obviously, he doesn't know what or who the fuck he wants. I just wish he would make up his mind. He keeps telling me he doesn't know what he wants. But, now he's saying that his friend is a bit of a flake, so now I don't even know if he's going to see her.
Okay, Happy Monday everyone!
Jun 19 2006, 04:29 PM
this is driving me nuts! i feel like i have depression x infinite. today, i looked on this girl he knows myspace, and i saw he made a NEW one. and didnt bother to add me or anything like that. so i looked at her comments, and he left one. saying he wants her to take a picture of him. she totally left a stupid comment back saying all this crap like they'll hang out, i was like okay whatever hypocrit. he got mad at me once for some guy leaving a comment on my myspace about my sunglasses. really. what the heck. then he didn't even bother to care and ask. i then confronted him about it and he said it was stupid and said he didn't need me to fall back on anymore. he had other people and his friends. he called me "fucking rediculous". i can't take his crap anymore. he said dont bother to talk to him anymore, he keeps calling me. he text messaged me saying, "so this is how its going to be? okay ally, goodbye." and so on. what do i do before i go insane?
Jun 19 2006, 05:48 PM
Simple, allygat0rr. You say:
"Yeah, this is how it's going to be, you inconsiderate, immature and insatiable fucktard."
Jun 19 2006, 09:48 PM
I second seraphine's advice ally....
Oh, I've been a bad bad girl to quote Chris Issak. I went to the Sonic Youth show with a guy I met off MySpace tonight. Not knowing we'd click so well. We ended up having a great dinner, and making out throughout the entire show. Did I think about J? No. Do I think he may have competition now? Yes. We made out in front of my house for like 30 minutes like giddy teenagers. It seems as though he knows what he wants, but it could just be a lust thing at this point.... Be he seeems so sweet. But then again, he may just be wanting a piece of ass.
So confused. B/c J Boy is being such a dickweed. I made other plans with a few other friends this weekend, b/c he has that other girl to see... I'm not going to mention the heavy duty makeout session (it was the busty cami... I think) to SC boy, but I will mention the concert. The concert rocked, and I'm again going to be lusting over Thuston Moore again.
Seeing J Boy on Friday. One second he's all saying that he's only going to see me for Friday, and the next the whole weekend. It's the same story... How can we build a relationship on being together for one day? And then he expects me to let him take nude photos of me, when he can't make up his fucking mind if I'm a fuck buddy, a friend, or a possible relationship.
Men are silly.
Jun 21 2006, 03:44 PM
Yay! J is coming down in two days. And, he still is going to see the other girl, but coming back to spend the night with me on Saturday night... and Sunday afternoon...maybe he finally woke the fuck up. He thought my myspace guy was gay. Maybe a little jeolously helped. I don't know.
And he wrote me the sweetest email yesterday....
Still flirting hard core with my myspace boy. I see no need in giving up prospects.
Just wanted to update...
Ally, how are you doing?
Jun 21 2006, 03:44 PM
sassygrrl, it sounds like you had a rockin' time at the show with this guy. The question is: who do you like better? Hmmm? =)
Men ARE silly. Nude photos? With an internet boy, I'd be leery. I think that may be a definite "let's get to know each other a bit more, buddy" thing before you let him have a hard copy of something so personal and intimate of you. Let him pine over seeing you naked in PERSON, instead. *grins*
My birthday's coming up on Saturday, and my guy is working most of the day. Drat. Going to see if I can't do a "spoil Seraphine" day and give myself an at home day at the spa. Gosh, it sounds great already! I have most of the stuff, but just never get around to treating myself. One thing I am looking forward to is a long, lazy, sedative soak in the bath with Epsom salt. (I just did a quick query and holy cripes! I didn't know Epsom salt can be used for SO MANY things! http://www.care2.com/channels/solutions/self/290
). I'm also going to prolly hang out with my housemates. One of them has a birthday on Sunday.
Happy Wednesday! Nearing time to unshackle myself from the work desk! Woot!
P.S.~ allygat0rr, are you doing alright? I saw your post in the Do I Need to Take the Morning After Pill? thread, and am worried about you.
Jun 21 2006, 04:08 PM
Ah, the eternal question right? I like rocker boy very well, but we're in that cool get to you know stage... Rocker boy and I may hang out next week....
Actually, both boys are caught in that stage. I'm just going to try to take it day by day, week by week.
Still not sure about the photos. I mean, this could be something real. And maybe he just wants them to keep him horny when he's not seeing me? I don't know. We'll see. Maybe if they're tastefully done. Again, we'll see. I'm not even sure if I want him to see me naked. Duh. You know I'll be wanting to rip off his clothes... evil grin.
Happy early birthday!! That does suck that your boy has to work, but I second that you have a spoil yourself day.
Jun 22 2006, 07:25 AM
I think there was a thread about ups and downs of on-line dating, but rather than resurrect that, I'll comment here. I joined a major service and have been viewed, emailed, winked at by a flatteringly large number of people. But in all of these, there has not been a single one who appealed to me. And not just talking about looks, but interests, politics, apparent intelligence, and more. I did a search that specified nothing more than geography, age range, bachelor's degree, and liberal, and in a medium sized city came up with only 20 guys. Of those 20, I already knew 4 of them!!! One I've dated already. He's a player and lying through his teeth on the profile. Another, I've always had a crush on, and if he was going to ask me out he already would have. The other two--well, just no chemistry. I just have to conclude that this is verifiable scientific data to show that there are no men out there for me!! (saying this with some humor). I had a pretty good rapport going with a smart guy who sounded like potential and described himself as "middle of the road," then it turns out he's a republican spin-doctor and campaign manager! I'm not renewing after the month membership. Have decided to throw myself into work, purchase some sex toys, and try to adjust to the idea of a very long wait.
Jun 22 2006, 02:13 PM
Aww, mel. Don't fret; waiting for the right guy DOES suck, though. (Or not suck, which is depressing... le sigh). I have never been a part of an online service such as the one you speak of. The problem with that, like you said, is that people can easily make their profiles more flattering than they actually are... such as with the lying-player boy from your search. I really wish people wouldn't lie, but I fear that'll never happen.
I endorse the purchase of sex toys while waiting, though. That was on my birthday list, in fact... heh heh. Hang in there, mel; best best of luck--I say without reservation that men are like berries: it's hit or miss whether you pluck a tasty or a sour one off the vine.
Jun 22 2006, 06:25 PM
Mel, I understand what you're going through. I'm still going thru that shit online. I really wish people wouldn't lie. I'm finding out that it happens more on services such as match.com and others. I met one guy on chemistry.com, who lied to be and said that he hated Bush, and turned out to be a very huge republican....ack
I also endorse sex toys. I plan to buy one this weekend (even though my online boy is coming down)
Best of luck, and keep us posted.
Jun 22 2006, 11:04 PM
I took my profile down, but the picture is stays up unless I cancel early. Just want to take a few days off from it until I get curious again. Fortunately have plans for the weekend with friends that actually involve getting out of work and home for a whole day. Maybe I can meet a REAL boy instead of all these Pinocchios.
Jun 23 2006, 04:07 AM
My profile is still up on match.com, but I've never paid. I'm also still on chemistry.com, but that's just my pic.
I'm having better luck in real life (even though the boy that is coming down this weekend I met online)....
Anyways, good luck. And, have fun this weekend!
Jun 23 2006, 05:16 PM
Jun 23 2006, 06:41 PM
Anna K, did you delete your profile?
Jun 23 2006, 06:56 PM
nope. Here's what I meant to post:
Next week I'm going to meet a guy from OkCupid for lunch. He's a smart, funny and cute guy (skinny, six feet tall, short blonde hair, in a glam rock band) who describes himself as a med student by day, and a rock star by night. I don't have much time for dating, but I feel like flirting and meeting new guys. I've been IMing with him and cracking jokes, but IMing always seems to be better than real life. Since I'm busy with school and commuting, I can just meet him for lunch and chill out, and be a busy woman for the rest of the day.
Jun 23 2006, 07:14 PM
That's great Anna K.
I've met some cool chill guys off OKCupid. They've turned into some cool friends. Have fun, and keep us posted.
Jun 24 2006, 03:18 PM
FUCK. Confusing post fueled by expresso candy and Liz Phair "Exile to Guyville". Be warned.
Online boy came down as promised last night. We ripped each other's clothes off per usual. He let me give him a blowjob. But, then this morning we got into this big discussion about sex(while naked....). I forgot that he was a virgin, and he wants to want until he's in love. He told me that he likes me a lot, but wants the sex to be emotional. So, does he not consider a blowjob emotional? That's still sex in my book. He made a crack about that Bill Clinton didn't consider it sex... yet, the boy doesn't seem to want to go down on me. Yet, he brought a sex boy and handcuffs... so obviously, it's going thru his mind. Right?
And, my landlord has not said to me that I can't have men over b/c it pissed off one of the tenants. So, I'm in the process of looking for a new place. I won't get a pay raise at my new job for another couple of months. But, she is forbidding "sleepovers" b/c she's pissed off that a tenant is getting pissed... so that definately will put my sex life on hold for a while.
I can understand him how he doesn't want to rush having sex. I think that's cool in this day and age. He found me BUSTing earlier in the crush thread, so now he knows about rocker boy (and the fact that we made out in his car). Oops. He didn't think it was a real person.
Right now, he's off to dinner with a female friend of his. It's cool. She checks out. He should be coming back here in a while.
Fears are setting in though. I mean, I've only really hung out with online boy for two weekends. I just don't want to be strung along until he makes up his fucking mind. So, that's why I'm dating other people. I don't think he's dating anyone else in SC, but I'm trying to keep my options open. But then I have to spill my mouth open, and tell him all these secrets about how to impress my parents, which freaked him the fuck out. UGH!!!!
I'm just up here wigging out. I so need to just chill, and let things develop naturally. It's so hard when you know you're falling for someone. We took another trip to Target today, and it felt as though we'd been shopping for years. I know that sounds really stupid, but we just seem to click.
Just needed to vent. Although, Pride isn't helping much. The thought of seeing many gay men shirtless is just wanting me to want to fuck online boy (or someone else) more....
I seem to want to kiss him alot. I don't think he's used to it yet. It's just little kisses in public, but it was sweet. He kissed me a few times in Target, and got all shy....
Jun 25 2006, 12:33 PM
Fuck, indeed. Or rather my response: WTF?!
Online boy got portions, but wouldn't give you any?! I could see how in a longer relationship you can give and take like that, but in a new one both people need to stay up to par. That's just not right.
It sounds like your landlord is an ass. I have -never- heard of any landlord having the ability to not permit someone to have "sleepovers." Is it a noise issue, or a moral one for this tenant? *boggles*
I hope the rest of your night went better than your day. He better have given you SOME kind of portions, or else you have the right to be pissed.
My birthday was a blast. My guy and I got dressed up (me in a shimmery black spagetti-strapped dress and slim heeled mary janes, and he in his military dress uniform--hot, HOT) and we went out for fancy seafood. The service was excellent, and a complementary dark chocolate mini bunt cake was added in for celebration. As we were standing up to leave, the waiter came back and said, "Well, it seems your night has just gotten even better! Someone wants to pay for your check." We both stood there dumbfounded. I was tipsy from the delicious chardonnay and wanted to just hug everyone when I heard that. After profusely thanking the waiter, and two couples who thanked my guy for his service to our country, we left baffled, astonished, and in high spirits. Someone had just paid our $130 check. H~o~l~y~~s~h~i~t.
So with that, getting a kick-ass baby T-shirt which reads: "I am not a geek! I am a level 12 Paladin" (So hilarious--I only play pallys in MMORPGs-hah!), promises of goodies from a friend visiting Japan, attending the "Wicked" broadway show in August, and a sex toy in the mail to me with all the bells and whistles, I had one hell of a fantastic birthday!!
The only downside is my hair. I got a haircut yesterday (my guy likes shoulder-length hair) and I ended up chopping off 5 inches of my golden locks. *cries* I looked in the mirror afterwards, and regretted it intensely. I just don't like it at all. Le sigh. It even brought me to tears before dinner. I loved my hair, but I a) wanted to try something new and thought I would like it, and b) wanted also to make my guy happy with a bit shorter hair. But hair grows, so ask me again how I feel about my hair come the holidays! I just won't look in the damn mirror until then. Heh.
Happy Sunday, busties!