Jun 9 2006, 12:08 AM
Several of the hottest clubs in town are within three blocks of my apt. I sat on a bus bench for a half an hour drinking a bottle of wine & watching the fashion disasters on their way into 'da club'. There is no prouder woman than a BIG black woman. I am one, so I know this to be fact, I just dress for my shape. Two girls: one wit' booty, one wit'out. Bootay has on... grey cotton CAMO gauchos with her Payless BOGOs. Her asscrack was HONGRY. No bootay has on... Grey. Crushed. Velvet. Gauchos. Black halter with rhinestone back. WICKED muffintop. Her ass wasn't hongry, it was STARVING by the amount of cheap fabric up her ass. Really cheap weave. She also had on cheap, ugly slides.
Jun 9 2006, 12:12 AM
AP, I so want to sit on a bus bench and drink wine and people-watch with you.
Jun 11 2006, 05:34 PM
Yeah. So I'm waiting in the car for the boy-child to come out of the store with sun lotion. I'm taking him swimming.
And what do I spy?
Two obvious house-marms/soccer-moms coming out of their minivan with four children in tow. Everybody's holding hands, I'm guessing to insure their mutual "safety."
So Mom #1 has to weigh 250 pounds at about 6 feet tall, and she's got on a terry cloth sundress, red, with a STRAW COWBOY HAT, bangle earrings, square sunglasses, jelly sandals...and...I SWAR---
brown cowboy boots. worn out.
Mom #2 has on a RED terry cloth sundress, a pink baseball cap (complete with pony-tail pulled through) and...and...
black reeboks with black ankle socks. yeah...
Jun 11 2006, 05:52 PM
wait, mom #1 is wearing both jelly sandals AND cowboy boots? how's that?
and i have to say i can't think of anything more awful than wearing close toed shoes and socks on a day hot enough to go swimming.
Jun 12 2006, 09:16 AM
I attended my sis-in-law's college graduation yesterday, and aside from the expected CoFs (gauchos, unflattering shrugs, etc.) I noticed a rather disturbing new trend--wearing blatantly formal, metallic and/or rhinestoned stilettos with otherwise fairly casual outfits. Yes, you may love your gold homecoming-dance shoes, but that doesn't mean you ought to wear them at noon with a cotton sundress.
Jun 12 2006, 11:23 AM
I just stepped out for lunch and walking down the street, what do I spy?
Middle aged woman dragging her heels down the street wearing an oversized white man's long sleeved polo shirt, a skinny grey full length skirt that was made out of men's dress pant sort of fabric with a full thigh high slit up the side. Thick black cotton leggings (the full length "dance-pants" kind) that were a size too big and bunching up around her knees. Brown suede sneakers and white soccer tube socks complete with red stripes at the top, all scrunched down around her ankles. Just gross.
On a happier note, when I walked back to the office I saw a woman wearing a shirt that said "I like good sax", with a little picture of a sax player.
Jun 12 2006, 11:55 AM
Camden, how do I love thee? People-watching this afternoon... older lady, dyed blonde hair and permatan (whyyyyyy do they do that? is it hormonal?) Didn't notice the trousers, suspect capri pants. No, what caught my eye was the heading-south breasts, contained in a strapless, padded, underwired bra. Over this was a jersey halterneck, but her bra didn't fit (it too was headed pavementward) and it was tucking into the top of her bra. It made her poor boobies look flatter and saggier than anything.
I was also amused by the young lady walking round in her bra, except she had her t-shirt over her head and one arm.
all I'm thinking when I read citrussss' post is "wtf? eh?"
Jun 13 2006, 06:50 AM
large bald spot and a faded NSYNC t-shirt.
on a co-worker.
Jun 13 2006, 04:17 PM
I swear to god I saw a man wearing mom jeans today.
Jun 13 2006, 05:19 PM
my friend saw a man in mom jeans at his work the other day. they must be breeding. god help us.
Jun 13 2006, 05:58 PM
The million dollar question is, who're they breeding with? ... Each other ... ?
Jun 13 2006, 06:15 PM
maimy, you made me snort! now, how would this work... they gestate in the mom-man jeans and pop out fully grown wearing their own?
Jun 14 2006, 06:06 AM
they replicate like amoebas and bacteria... they just split in half once they reach a certain size.
I keep seeing this poster for Cliff Richard on the tube and all I can think is "mom jeans"
Jun 14 2006, 09:25 AM
I must work in the most fashion-clueless neighborhood. On my way in this morning, I saw a woman wearing a royal blue 80's ladies suit jacket style shirt complete with those gross oversized shoulder pads, matching dress shorts and a terrible blond teased-bang perm.
All I can ask is, What did my eyes ever do to her?
I laughed when I read mornington's post. All I can say is why???
Jun 14 2006, 02:35 PM
I went to a metal festival weekend and dude, those are some bad fashion choices. I now hail metallers as CoF gods. There are too many to mention but this one stuck in my mind.
Girl, 16-18, probably a black vest top (de riguer) and she was wearing jeans but had obviously overheated and decided to turn them into shorts. Fine. But girl, if you're going to do that, don't cut them while still wearing them and then leave the leg parts on your legs. So tight they stay up. Leaving about 2 inches of flesh between the shorts and the bizarre denim thigh high legwarmers.
Jun 14 2006, 03:29 PM
Miss Jane...what the HELL?!?!?!?!
Jun 15 2006, 11:01 AM
yesterday, i was driving to the beauty supply when a pedestrian needed to cross in front of me. I let her and then proceeded to gasp in horror...imagine...a stickly over-tanned so that she's wrinkly, 50 something in wedges, short cuffed shorts (in white), a white tight tank top, and then big poofy grandma hair on top, new jersy style. complete with the huge sunglasses and funky purse. eww...cover up those wrinkle legs and funky wobble knees...bleh. the outfit would have looked great on a 21 year old.
Jun 15 2006, 04:03 PM
Mornington, THAT is a mindpic and a half ... (Or maybe just one, splitting in half!)
Miss Jane, that may have to go in a CoF hall of fame of some sort.
Jun 16 2006, 02:31 AM
It was pretty horrific, especially since it stood out in the crowds of non-ironic 80's fashion, people head to toe in leather (on a roasting hot day) and people who's skin vaguely resembled the colours of the lounge.
Jun 18 2006, 02:44 PM
I think this is my first time in the CoF thread. So, hi all, I'm Smurfin, and I am a CoF spotter.
Anyway, I was sitting in the park today. Today being one of the only hot days we'll likely get around here, so everybody had this kind of 'get your summer while you can' spirit. Now, nothing wrong with that. It was pretty much the reason I was out there. But oh my god. The CoFs! These were my particular favourites:
Two ladies, obviously friends, maybe more. Late fifties. One was wearing LEGGINGS that only went down to her calf and let me tell you: I don't know if anyone has the figure for leggings, but this lady *certainly* didn't. She looked vacuum-wrapped. Seriously.
The horrible thing was, I was torn between this lady's pants and her friend's when it comes to ultimate CoFs. Her friend was wearing flared trousers (ok, fair enough), with massive jungle print (well...) which almost WENT UP TO HER ARMPITS. The stragly I-haven't-cut-my-hair-since-the-seventies-hair-and-now-it's-dead really finished the ensemble.
Still, I'm not sure if these people were the worst or if the man wearing red-white-blue striped (the Dutch flag) shorts that SPELLED OUT HIS ASS CRACK gets the medal. Seriously, I don't.
Jun 23 2006, 07:17 AM
This thread reminds me of a girl I saw at the carnival last year. She looked good and everything, but her t-shirt proudly proclaimed her to be a "Midnight Cowgirl". I really wanted to go up to her and say, "You do know that means you're a hooker, right?"
Jun 23 2006, 01:35 PM
I don't have a Cof to report, but I was reading this crazy article in my local newspaper yesterday, entitled what to wear to look slimmer. The article said women should not wear shorts(they make your legs look thick), capris(even supermodel look shorter and wider in them), tank tops(they don't flatter our bodies), shirts w/ scoop necks(draws to much attenion to the round breast area),skirts(can make you seem short), and becareful of which dress you choose(several reasons were listed).
I wanted to kill the journalist that had the nerve to write it. But since she ruled out most summer clothing and didn't mention nudity as being unflatteringly, I'm tempted to spend my summer in my birthday suit!
Jun 23 2006, 02:54 PM
Hmm, perhaps burqas are the answer? Maybe something in linen or a summery printed cotton voile (muted colors, of course, don't want to draw any attention to those "FIGURE FLAWS"...and large prints are oh-so-gauche)...?
Jun 23 2006, 03:58 PM
oh but daahling, burkas are terribly unflattering. And they make everyone look short. And fat. (they're also a pain in the ass when it's hot). My mother describes it as like being inside a shuttlecock.
I love articles like that. Just because you realise that no matter what you wear, there will be somebody who thinks you shouldn't. And they're usually fugly.
girl in the chemists wearing black tights and a long t-shirt. that was it, except for a big gold chain around her neck.
Jun 23 2006, 05:44 PM
I do think shorts CAN make your legs look thick, and frankly I've never yet seen a pair of unfitted capris that didn't look quite stupid on pretty much any body type (but that latter is a personal prejudice, I know it, and don't let it matter) - but, really "... and ...?"
I'm 38 years old and wear shorts when I am walking the dog. I've found two pair of my dad's old shorts (one some pajama shorts, another just regular shorts) that don't bunch up (well, too much) while I am walking, and hell if I'm going out in 96-degree heat and humidity in anything more than that when I'm out for exercise, not seducing anybody. I am clean and presentable, pretty is NOT the point. So fuck flattering pants. There are Crimes of Fashion, and there is simply surviving an evening. I don't think there is any crime in wearing functional clothing you know perfectly well isn't setting off the best features - GAH!
I've noticed a lot of non-crimes lately which are nonetheless notable for their sheer boringness.
>> Women in pants with a hem that's just ONE inch too short, and thus out of style;
>> or one inch too long, in need of a hem;
>> A lot of clothes which aren't radically out of style, but are definitely (quietly, meekly) obsolete, bland - and still somehow not quite serviceable either;
>> Wide blouses with straight-across hems that are JUST too short to flatter when (invariably) left untucked;
>> Cottons with just enough polyester in the blend to look like they came off the granny rack;
>> White shoes;
>> Navy "leather" shoes;
>> Heels of a shape so chunky and indeterminate they might have been manufactured in 1948 or 1968 or last week ...
Did see one almost-crime earlier in the week, but the woman who wore it is so nice I can't convict her ... a t-shirt dress. In fuschia. With something printed on the front ...
Jun 23 2006, 07:21 PM
Geez, what a list, ginger-kitty. Maybe we should all just get extensive plastic surgery. Then we'll look *perfect* and our clothes will flatter us!
Jun 24 2006, 12:04 AM
Size 22 woman. Dirty blonde--just dirty blonde--no color/highlights. Cheese Puff arms, pasty white.
Absolutely smeared into a size 12 wife-beater black T-shirt and Chic brand straight leg jeans
with big ol' brown Skechers construction style thick-soled rounded toe (complete with construction soles!) shoe boots, circa 2001.
Jun 24 2006, 07:15 AM
OH I almost forgot to post this!
At the airport on Thursday.
Larger woman wearing a too-tight black halter top, and too-short black ruffle skirt. With semi-sheer black tights (not the leggings kind of tights -- I'm talking full-foot tights). And ...
It was sort of what gofugyourself.com would call a "Scroll Down". Whatever it was, my first thought was, "Oh my god, I have to post that in CoF!"
Jun 24 2006, 04:00 PM
I went to my company picnic this afternoon and there were COF's everywhere- my friends, who I brought with, were like "Do some of these people dress this badly at work?" Um, sadly, yes. Some of the people were guests, too, but oh my-
There was a guest wearing a one piece spandex thing with pants and a halter top. She had a decent body to pull it off and it wasn't exactly tight, but it had these horizonrtal stripes in two shades of blue and her ass fell right between two of the darker, narrower stripes, like an outlined shelf. And she had on lucite-heeled platforms, that had like the hollow heel...I couldn't find a picture of a similar pair, but imagine a wedge heel with the middle part of the wedge missing. And it's all lucite. Eeek.
There's a woman I work with who hasn't changed her hairstyle since about 1984- I think she's Italian, in her early 40's and has curly dark hair. It's in a mullet. Bad, bad, bad. She's single and seems to try to dress stylishly, but wears high waisted jeans and a trendy shirt, but tucked in. Today she was wearing a lime green cut-off tank top and tight, black denim pants, that were about knee length.
Then there were random gauchos, other halter tops on people that shouldn't wear halter tops and miscellaneous other COF's.
Jun 24 2006, 05:38 PM
TheRedHead, that one is actually kind of baffling!
Polly, this is the reason we should never have to spend our personal time with people we are paid to be around.
Jun 24 2006, 05:39 PM
girl, mid-twenties, slim, blonde, nothing special. sainsburys (the supermarket), this afternoon. It's hot and sunny out. White halter, suited it. White a-line skirt, gorgeous cut, flowy, she looked good.
Until you look down, realise she's wearing a thong, and you can see her arse through the skirt. Her actual arse. I do not need that while shopping for groceries.
I also mentally make notes just so I can post on here. I think it's my inner bitch making herself known.
my mother has bought crocs. pink ones. aaaaaaargh
Jun 24 2006, 06:18 PM
Ginger, that's some pretty bad advice in that article. I mean, just on the "no shirts with scoop necks" alone -- if I followed that advice, I'd have to walk around topless most of the time, as all of my favorite shirts are scoopnecked to some degree! I feel all stifled and uncomfortable feeling like I'm nearly choking with too-small neck openings or high necks (oh Maude, and I hate hate hate turtlenecks, don't even get me started...). And Lucy and Ethel don't like to feel constricted, either. *wink wink*
Jun 24 2006, 07:13 PM
i bought a pair of bright red crocs today. $26.95 at a trendy little store downtown.
of course, it was a trendy little KIDS store downtown because they're for my five year old.
ha ha, you didn't actually think they were for me now did you?
the arch support is tremendous. great for his funky little developing feet.
Jun 24 2006, 07:13 PM
Forgive me ladies of taste but I too own crocs... BUT (it's a big but) I only wear them after practice (I want OUT of my runners and into something comfie that won't pick up the sweaty smell) and for open water training (at the beach... the goose poop washes away so easily and they float). They are WAY more comfie then flip flops. I never wear them in public... unless we have to make a food stop on the way home... and then I have other fashion issues.. sweaty nastiness, comfie warm down pants etc.
OK my report... I have desided I am my mother. I finally understand why she insisted that you put on a shirt over your swimsuit at the table. I now live a few blocks from my town's meat market beach. There are little restaurants around the area. WHY do girls think it's hot (and polite!!) to come in to a restuarant and eat in their bikini top with no shirt???? It's not body envy on my part, it's a lack of decency on their part!!! GAAAA!!!! And what is with the binikis with all the sequins???
Jun 25 2006, 08:49 AM
Ginger, whoever wrote that article doesn't know anything about clothing. Scoopnecked garments are absolutely essential for certain body types, because anyone over a B cup wearing a high neckline will look droopy, and it can make them look frumpy.
Jun 25 2006, 10:23 AM
Argh, polly, my mom does the same thing as mullet lady; the trendy shirt tucked into the high-waisted, Fred Mertz pants. It's horrible.
Jun 25 2006, 10:37 AM
I love Fred Mertz/William Frawley, but those pants only belonged on him and him alone, Maude rest his soul.
Jun 25 2006, 12:07 PM
i guess they're waiting till fall to unleash those horrid long sleeved ones we all remember from the early 90's.
Jun 25 2006, 12:12 PM
that link isn't working. maybe that's for the best though...
Jun 25 2006, 12:19 PM
what's back? what? what?
I get so over-excited about cof's it's no longer funny.
Jun 25 2006, 05:12 PM
yeah what is it? a short-sleeved flannel shirt? haha.
Jun 25 2006, 07:37 PM
Raisin, your inner bitch is sticking out. Lemme get that for you. *Tucking it in*
Busty, you've obviously forgotten - actually even HAVING an unsanctioned body type is unflattering!! Silly BustyGirl.
Also curious to know what is back from the 90s ...
Jun 25 2006, 08:23 PM
is it those puffy pirate-like shirts? with poofy sleeves and the big collars, often manufactured in that cheap, dusty-looking silk?
that's my guess
*reflounce - and I'm not typing that anymore*
edit-(and incidentally, this particular page is acting freaking wonky on me) Bodysuits. BODYSUITS, people! This is serious.
Jun 25 2006, 09:24 PM
Seen while shopping: woman with top-knotted ponytail (like Britney, ugh), shapeless t-knit grey spaghetti-strap camisole, black yoga pants with "Roxy" scrawled in pink (beside a white scribbled heart shape) across the ASS (who started this awful trend?), and the kind of fake 'n' bake tan that you know is going to make her look like a pair of alligator pumps in about 15 years.
Speaking as a freckled pale face, I really don't understand the whole tanning thing. Do people really not understand the whole skin-aging process? Do they not care? Do they believe (as many of us did when we were 22, but we GOT OVER IT) that they are going to be dead by 30/40 so it won't matter anyway? Because I don't understand the logic that says, "Ah hah! I am going to make myself look fabulous!" (In their minds.) "And then later on I will look hideous! But who cares if I look hideous tomorrow, as long as I look fabulous today!"
Jun 26 2006, 01:57 AM
yes, bodysuits. the kind you have to unsnap at the crotch to go pee. i saw 4 or 5 different varieties at forever 21, home of the gaucho, cropped short sleeved sweater, lingerie top, peasant blouse, etc. etc. etc.
saw a gem today while waiting in line for the bathroom at starbucks. from toe to head:
6-inch wedge sandals.
those preppy looking casual short shorts that i've been seeing at j. crew, etc. and which seem to be this summer's gaucho, in a kind of nice slate blue shade.
a cropped denim jacket in sort of an italian-biker cut, buttoned all the way to the neck. ok, this was the one piece she was wearing that was innately horrific. but honestly i'd consider it rockable in certain situations. she did not appear to have any sort of top under the jacket.
this is a sunday night at 9:30 pm at the starbucks in union square. she and her friend looked dressed for clubbing, but whoa, schizophrenic much? the shorts would have been super cute with a pair of flip-flops and a (full length) t-shirt just to run around the neighborhood on a less grey and blustery day. the shoes, while bordering on fetish wear, were not really that bad and could have looked wonderfully Posh Spice with the right little black minidress. she even had the legs for both of the above items, which is quite the acheivement. the jacket might have been ok worn unzipped with one of those American Aparrel t-shirt dresses, great sunglasses, and killer boots.
she looked like a barbie doll as dressed by a 4 year old with no understanding that we wear different kinds of clothes in different situations, and no, you can't just combine cowboy boots, a ballerina tutu, and a pair of pajama pants. i wanted to take her home, raid her closet, and send her back into the world wearing only one of those three items and looking a zillion times more adorable.
Jun 26 2006, 07:04 AM
I HATE bodysuits. You're wearing leotards, morons. LE. O. TARDS.
I don't mind short shorts this year, since I saw this chick rocking hers with a head band, big glasses, beehivey hair, a mod-ish top with a small belt (yeah, I know, but hers WORKED), a big vintage purse, and some smashing peep-toe wedges. It was an anti-CoF. It was so good I wished I'd thought of it first.
Contrast that with the mom I saw at the pool yesterday inexplicably cleaning her car out in the parking lot: Washed too many times cheapo knit beige halter top, fighting for dominance faux turquoise necklace, washed too many times brown cheapo knit gauchos which did NOT fit her ass well, and gold sandals.
The sandals could have been cute. With a denim skirt or navy shorts or even a nice black dress. Not with three other ugly garments in a fight to the death.
Jun 26 2006, 09:09 AM
Bodysuits--seriously? Ugh. Painful and unfortunate enough the first time around.
I went to a small-town festival/fair thing this weekend, and amidst all the expected midwestern CoF fun (mullets, mom jeans, even a Rush Limbaugh t-shirt, for dog's sake) was one cute lil' 14-ish boy wearing a white laced-front pirate shirt. Confusing, as those are nearly always a CoF, but it had to have taken some serious balls to wear it in that context!
Jun 26 2006, 12:05 PM
I blame the artist formerly known as Madonna for the leotards.
Jun 26 2006, 02:53 PM
oooh, i saw a good one today at work. (customer)
red tank top, with criss-cross straps in the back. over it, a silver thing that just covered her boobs, with long sleeves that belled at the wrists.
orange micromini. birkinstocks. WTF?
Jun 26 2006, 04:47 PM
Busty, cheapo knit gauchos don't fit ANY butt well. Seriously, for the amount of women wearing them (still?!) you'd think someone, anyone, would tell them of the horrors they wreak on not only their behinds, but the general public.
Oh, and for the record ladies of the office, just because it's a casual dress code does not give you the right to walk around the office in cheap $2 plastic flip flops, knit cropped pants (not gauchos, think cropped yoga pants) and tee-shirts that came with their pajama sets. It's a place of business, not a beach (obviously y'all don't know the difference carrying around damn beach totes as purses too!).
Oh, and to the manipulative little twit I need to deal with too often for my comfort - lay off the mystic tan, you look like a cheeto with a bad bleach job. I'm waiting for you to dive into an overly-chlorinated pool so I can riff on the oompa-loompa thing for a while (not that I haven't already). It would be my pleasure.