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Y'know as much as I love our connected world, I sometimes miss the days when a guy just drove past your house a few times a day instead of following your electronic footsteps all over the www.
There's a postcard on Postsecret this week that perfectly describes how I feel about my relationship with J a year after the fact: "I'm finally starting to realize that the moments I miss the most were never even real."

This is bothering me less and less now, but only because I've been gradually erasing my memories of her. My strongest memories now are of her being a bitch. It sucks, but it's better than pining and wondering why things happened the way they did.

(((Sib))) My ex-boyfriend stalked me on here for a while because he was convinced I'd slept with one of his friends and thought he'd find the dirt about it in the lounge. He seemed to lose interest eventually. Hope you're safe!
I love the quote, and I couldn't summarize it better in my situation.
Just the other day, I was thinking that I was grieving for *this ideal* that actually I never had, that I had thought I had it when I was living through it. And the fact that the marriage came to an end was because neither of ours' ideals were even close to each other. I think I was having a very subconscious dream that was hard to wake up from... sigh...

I'm safe, I'm six something thousand miles away, and the only thing he could possibly do is to gossip about what I write here with his best friend...and bitch about what a horrible bitch I was...the irony is that he doesn't have anything to be suspicious of, i guess it is just a very f*cked up obsessive paranoia.

Ugh having a relapse, pictures just emerged of his brothers wedding (which i was supposed to go to) with him and his new gf. Why does this hurt so much?? I don't get it. I have a new bf and he is great and wonderful. I love him. Why do I care about my ex? Why does seeing him with his new gf hurt so incredibly much?? Does this mean I have feelings for him that I don't know I have, or is this a normal reaction? I'm so bothered by this, and I think part of what bothers me the most is that I'm caring about him and he's not caring a bit about me. He's totally moved on. My first bf of 6 years, I was his first too, and he's totally moved on. I feel sick to my stomach. What is wrong with me???


I don't know why this bothers you so much, but please don't blame yourself - it is normal, and it is ok!

I think you've mentioned before that you stayed close friends with your ex after the break-up. It sounds like you postponed some (emotional) aspects of breaking up and moving on until quite a long time after the official break-up, possibly because you weren't ready to deal with them?

But (yay for you!), you're ready now. Let yourself have a good cry/ice-cream pig-out/sad song marathon, and mourn the loss that you feel.

I know you've de-friended him on Facebook. Are there any other reminders kicking around your room life that you could get rid of, or at least put out of sight? I'm guessing that a 6-year relationship has left a few souvenirs...

Persiflager you are absolutely 100% right, I didn't mourn the breakup when it ended, bc we were still friends, and it didn't seem real. It wasn't real to me until he got his new gf almost 2 years later. I thought I had moved on, but I mustve been mistaken. Just bc I got a new bf doesn't mean that I moved on, and I didn't care until it became real to me. Now I care and that's something I am going to have to deal with. I do have a few things from our relationship that I need to get rid of. I think I'll do that today, and I'm going to try really hard to never look back. I of course stupidly texted him last night asking if he ever wanted to be friends again (god I am so weak) or if he and/or his gf would just want me gone and then I won't try to contact him anymore. I said I obviously respect that decision if thats what he wants but I wish he would just tell me. Got no response. I guess that's telling me. I am never going to contact him ever again. If he ever reaches out to me, I'll decide what to do with that. But right now I need to let it go like this whole thing never existed, I'm deleting him from my phone, and it's over. I want my own life back and I have better things now than I did when we were together.

Thanks for being so understanding and hitting the nail on the head Persiflager.

Well done on deleting him from your phone! That's one of the hardest steps.

It will get better soon!
I'm sorry you're still dealing with this- it's so hard when things end and getting past the hurt. I think a big part of it is that we (women usually) tend to plan. And with a break up, all those plans are gone. Our lifelong plans are broken and we somehow feel a betrayal and a loss that goes beyond the immeadiate break up. Or maybe that's just me. Because I agree with the postsecret- I am missing those moments we didn't get to have. Seeing his sister again after a year soon, spending time planning a wedding, buying a house, etc etc etc..... I'm guilty of the holding on too- he and I are still on friendly terms and we talk/text frequently. Maybe that isn't normal or healthy... I'm not sure...

On another note- and more toward the actual act of moving on- I think- I have a date next week. With a guy I went to school with (7th-12th grade) and who I used to have the biggest crush on. He's flying into NYC next week and wants me to meet him for an evening/night. And I'm giddy and excited and nervous and OMG I'm going out with HIM! kind of feelings. A little ridiculous i can admit. Thrilled though. I can't wait to see him. We weren't even friends really then because I was too shy and he was Mr Oblivious to women... I don't know what's going to happen or if I'm really ready for moving on/dating/anything.. but it's him. And I'm so excited!!!!! smile.gif

Just wanted to share because I am wound up about it! smile.gif
(yay sageykins! you're getting the better week you asked for!)
I hope so.... I thought we'd be meeting at 6, now he told me today his flight gets in at almost 9:30 and by the time he gets to the hotel it'll be almost 10:30 and his brother arrives the next day. Am feeling disappointed and trying really hard not to. Grr.
work still sucking. Seriously considering a job move. Blah.
But maybe it is bettter, thank you archegonia!
So. sad.gif So much for any of the moving on or better week. MrCalifornia is now thinking it isn't a good idea- that the getting together at that hour and then trying to fit in a date night and so on and so forth is like cramming it into one night and we haven't seen each other in like 16 years. So we're not getting together. And that's just plain depressing.
And in other news I was up most of the night last night kinda flipping out while I talked to one of my guy friends who's engaged and who I've always had a thing for- and oh yeah, he's had one for me. And it's just crap. We're ok now but sweet jesus did that suck.
Work sucked a little less today. But as a week, this one is as bad as last. Apparently God/the Universe/whoever is screwing with my life is enjoying it far too much.
Ok. done bitching. Tired of wallowing in it.
Wow was I wound up in that last post.
Calmer now. But yeah... What was that?? sad.gif
Sorry busties for my irrational posts and that they're pretty much unreadable. Yikes.
It's good to vent!

Shame about Mr California - I hope the stars align more conveniently in the near future.

Did you do anything nice at the weekend to cheer yourself up?
((((sage)))) this is incredibly hypocritical advice coming from me right now but i do believe it: think as positively as you can. and smile, even if you feel stupid, becuase you're heart isnt smiling. smiling releases happy chemicals in your brain and if you walk/drive around smiling like a fool eventually you'll release enough of those chems to aid in the positive thinking....? i hope
The weekend was good, I'm keeping my days off this week- which is SO good for me smile.gif
And I found jeans that I am in love with for incredibly less than what I expected. So it's good. Things are better, and I'm done whining.
Thank you busties! smile.gif
Had a date this weekend with someone I met on Match. And I really like him. He is sweet and honest and funny. I like him... And I'm hoping I'm not blowing it. We texted like fiends last week, and I foolishly rushed along with him physically- which isn't good. And wasn't smart. But we did... So now, have to figure out how we're going to move forward. I'm sort of waiting on him... We texted a little bit today and maybe this isnt the smartest, but I was really honest and told him I liked him. And I wanted to spend more time with him. He said of course so now I'm just hanging out and feeling on hold. Which is probably how normal dating goes- I was just in that wacked out live together after a couple of months relationship before and feel like I no longer know how to move slowly. ....not that its moving slowly if we've already slept together.
Stupid Sagey.
Hey Sagey, how's it going with the new boy? Glad to hear things are looking up!

It's been a year this week since J and I last saw each other, and over six months since we last spoke. I hardly even think about her anymore, and when I do, I'm thinking more about the breakup than about her. I don't ever wonder about her at all. It's been a few months since anything triggered any strong feelings related to her, and although I still don't ever discuss her or even mention her around my friends, now it's more lack of interest than an attempt to make her disappear.

I'm still single, and don't even have any crushes to speak of, which sometimes strikes me as odd, but I'm ok with it. I've never been the kind of person who's always attached, but it would be nice to have someone else to look back at when I think about my most recent romantic/sexual encounters. It kind of bugs me when I think that the last person I slept with or even kissed was the person who broke my heart. I guess I'm just talking about a rebound, which has never been my style. My closest relationship right now is with my bike.

There are a few things that have changed about me since the breakup - that relationship was huge to me and brought a lot of changes, and the breakup brought further change. You could say I'll never be the same, but I prefer to think of it as "things are different now." My confidence is still really, really low - low enough that it's hard for me to really know myself right now. But I'm pleased to say that the anger is finally, finally starting to fade. That whole chapter of my life is further behind me every day, and has less and less bearing on my present. I'm finally able to look forward again. There's really nothing I'd change about my life right now except my wretched job and the confidence thing, which is really the precursor to my job troubles, and which I am working on, but it's a big issue.

Overall, though, things are good. Here's to some fun summer lovin' for all the recently unattached Busties!
Hanging out tonight!!!! Yay!!
Hooray for less anger and moving past that chapter in your life. I definitely hear you though..
Congratulations to sageykins and epinephrine!

Epi, it's really noticeable in your posts how much happier you are now, even (especially?) compared with before the months preceding the break-up. Please post a picture of your awesome bike, I am envious!
Oh, for fuck's sake.

Guess who called me tonight? After seven months of peace? I'd almost forgotten what her voice sounded like. I didn't get her call, just the voice message. She called from a Vancouver number, too. Guess she's back from her travels. When the fuck will this bitch ever understand that giving me space isn't just waiting for her turn to talk, it's waiting for mine? If I wanted to talk to her, I would have. I don't know what she thinks she has to offer me. In her message she said she'd call back later, but my crappy Samsung phone has a funny habit of randomly shutting off, especially after I check my voicemail. It shut off after I got her message - pretty clear sign not to have any contact with her, no? When I turned it back on before bed, she'd sent me a text as well. Says she thought of me today and wanted to check on me and "see how I'm doing," and that she hopes I'm well and wants to talk to me. She probably heard about my scholarship and wants to use it as a way back in. It kills me how hard she tries to sound sensitive and caring when she wants something. She obviously flatters herself that I'm still pining and distraught.

Oh well. I can't think of anything I'd possibly want to talk to her about. I hope she wasted her night wondering if I'd call.
Continue living your life without letting her take up space in your mind and heart any longer. Best revenge.
Stupid computer moving so slow, it posted twice. Oops.
Anyway... Keep on epi!
Wow. That woman is the fucking devil, isn't she? Man, oh man, am I glad you are rid of that stone about your neck, Epi & moving on to bigger & better things. Look out, China!
Thanks, guys. It's amazing how after all this time and all the healing I've done, just a few words from my ex can totally throw me and make me question myself. I seriously considered contacting her just to get it out of the way. Letting her in would be so much easier than rigidly keeping my guard, constantly reminding myself why I shouldn't talk to her and imagining how petty I must look ignoring her texts like this. But if I've learned anything from J, it's that the right choice is never the easy one. I could handle an encounter with her now, but what would be the point? I have no interest in being friends with her. There's nothing I want to talk to her about. I don't want to tell her about my life, and I don't want to hear about hers. I certainly don't want to talk about "us," and I know she'd bring it up. She always does. She sent me another text on Monday, following her old pattern of identifying my boundaries and immediately trying to get past them:

"I guess I didn't realize you still don't want to talk. I don't want to be pesky, you know, with trying to contact you three times and all LOL. I genuinely want to catch up with you and see how you are. I'll be in your city for the day on Saturday, and if you're up for it, I'd love to grab lunch."

I know that, somewhere in there, there's a part of her that's actually being sincere, and that's why I still have a hard time just shutting her out. But after everything I went through with her, when I read this, all I hear is the nasty, selfish, insecure little monster in her saying:

"I realize that you still don't want to talk, because, duh, you haven't contacted me in seven months, but I will express this as though I could not have anticipated it, thereby subtly inferring that your behaviour is irrational. The point is, whether or not you want to talk to me, I want to talk to you. Since you're clearly not interested, I'm making repeated efforts to see if I can convince you. But you're not allowed to think of me as pesky, LOL! See, I'm LOLing so you imagine me smiling and friendly and are more likely to want to talk to me. I genuinely want to catch up with you and see how you are. GENUINELY. Just in case you didn't believe my concern for your interests is genuine and were thinking, y'know, that I really just want to see you so that I can evaluate the damage I may have done you, convince you that the way I treated you wasn't really all that bad, and try to score some points to get back in your good books. I'll be in your city on Saturday to see the chick I left you for*, but I'll make some time for you. Hey, I'll even buy you lunch!

Holy god damn, did that ever feel good. Take that, J.

* just found out from a friend that A is still living in my city and is not shacked up with J in Vancouver yet, although it's apparently still on the agenda.
HAH! Way to go, Epi!

It's very noticeable that her entire message is expressed in terms of what she wants, without even asking you a question.

Good riddance!
Ugh, I know! Jeez, is she ever a piece of work. I snubbed her good, though. I don't think she'll be bothering me for a while.
Way back when I used to not be able to control myself and would have sent a spiteful response to messages like that, epi. But now it's oh so satisfying to just ignore and know they're anxiously itching on the other side of their own annoying habits.
I spoke too soon. She sent me an email today. What the hell?
Yes, because your continued silence and stated request for no contact really mean you're dying for her to get in touch. What an ass!

What did she say? I really want to read another snarky reply-that-you-won't-really-send!
I never actually did send her a stated request for no contact. Well. last summer I did, but I've spoken to her since then. I haven't made any attempt to contact her since our last conversation around New Year's. I'm a little torn between ignoring her and writing a politely aloof line or two telling her I don't wish to speak to her. I mean, after an unreturned phone call and two unreturned texts, you'd think she'd have got the message, but...

She stated in her note that she's going back to Hong Kong in a few months. Wonder what that means. Maybe things aren't working out with A and she's looking to me for...I don't even know what. She said that the months she spent in Hong Kong last winter were "definitely a life-changing experience" and that she wants to fill me in on it. Also mentioned that she bought me a gift but it spoiled and she had to throw it away. I'm a little shocked at how persistent she's been. It's totally undignified, and I know how proud she can be. Western as she is, she definitely also has that Chinese mentality of saving face. I wonder what's going on.

In any case, I know she's smart enough to have realized I don't want to talk. She's paid lip service to it in each message, right before stating how badly she wants to talk to me, as if that's the deciding factor in whether or not I talk to her. She's clearly trying to pester me into changing my mind, which really doesn't help her image. I wish she'd just grow the fuck up and leave me alone. I don't even want to bother telling her off. But I really, really hate this silent treatment bullshit. I feel like such a drama queen.

I think I'll write her a letter. Maybe I'll send it, maybe I won't. At least it'll help me straighten out my thoughts.
my two cents: ignore, ignore, ignore, ignore, ignore. write the letter if it helps you, but don't send it. i only say this because (well, for one thing, it's not happening to ME right now, so i can be cavalier, but also) my roommate has been going through this with a guy she knows isn't good for her, but she still finds tempting. any communication, be it aloof or downright rude, from her, ends up opening the door to conversation. i think you'd do much better by yourself and by the situation if you maintain your mystery and win it without words. my, all that alliteration sounds cheesy.
tasty, tasty alliteration...... smile.gif

I guess it depends on which you think is most likely to make her stop contacting you. Some people seem to interpret "I don't want to talk about it/to you" as "I desperately do want to talk, and saying this is my way of reaching out to you".

But yeah, my instinct is to agree with enfermera: ignore!
epi, I agree with Persi and enfermera that you should ignore her. Does your email account have a filter where her emails can directly so you will not see them? I mean, if we can ignore posters on this site, I think you can ignore her emails.

Her behavior reminds me what I read about the use of persistence. Her behavior is not wanting a genuine friendship/relationship, but, it is one of control and domination. Her past behavior pattern from what you've shared with us is proof of that. Probably, why I've never really had a good feeling about her and her continued persistence even when you said you didn't want to talk with her anymore.

QUOTE(epinephrine @ Aug 6 2010, 03:28 AM) *
But I really, really hate this silent treatment bullshit. I feel like such a drama queen.

I think you need to work on reframing this thought into one of "moving on with your life." You have grown so much and made so many changes in your life to become a strong, confident woman. Life has just taken you on a different path. Talking with her feels like a step backwards to me. You cannot move forward if you let old baggage weigh you down.

No contact no contact no contact! Write a letter you'll never send instead to organize your thoughts if you need to, but for the love of Mike, NO CONTACT!

And really, Star is right again with the "moving on with your life" thinking instead of the "silent treatment bullshit". This is def not "silent treatment", this is staying the fuck away from somebody that is toxic. Because she is TOXIC, no doubt about it. THREE MILE ISLAND! This is self-preservation & having respect for yourself, not being a bitch just to be a bitch.

I have taken my own advice recently with a male friend that has been using persistence in exactly the way Star is talking about: control & domination. His last communique was HIGH bitch-ery & basically once again leveled everything as being my fault & good riddance to me when I am not the guilty party. While a big part of me wants to fucking snark on him for the attitude he is copping, the smarter part of me knows that any attention is attention to him & he will likely redouble his efforts in bullshit-ery if I respond in any way. So fuck 'im.
Sigh. You guys are right. This is exactly the same manipulative behaviour she used to use when we were together. I don't even think she realizes she's doing it, but it's toxic nonetheless.

I guess I just feel conflicted because I never explicitly stated that I didn't want her to contact me, I just cut all contact. I feel weird about holding her to a boundary I never set. Hence the "silent treatment" thinking. Then again, I think most people would agree that, given the circumstances, my conduct sets a pretty clear unspoken boundary.

I reread some of my earlier posts in this thread It's amazing how different I feel. I live in a totally different world now; I'm different, my life is different, my thinking is different, everything. I can barely relate to the person in those posts. I was so confused, thinking in circles. Now I can't even remember what it felt like to be in love with J, or to be heartbroken over her. It's doesn't qualify as ancient history yet, but it's getting there.
QUOTE(epinephrine @ Aug 8 2010, 12:03 AM) *
I guess I just feel conflicted because I never explicitly stated that I didn't want her to contact me, I just cut all contact. I feel weird about holding her to a boundary I never set. Hence the "silent treatment" thinking. Then again, I think most people would agree that, given the circumstances, my conduct sets a pretty clear unspoken boundary.

Don't let guilt be the motivator for contacting her. You will only resent her and be mad at yourself. I did that with my ex after our breakup. She used every bit of contact to create some kind of argument; yet, I still felt like I should respond to her calls and texts. One day, I just felt tired of her drama and didn't pick up the phone. Strangely, I did not regret it. It helped me to move on.

You have a lot going on right now for you, epi. Focus on those things and I know you will do well.
Agree agree agree!!!

There is no need to communicate. And guilt is not a reason to open the door to ANY communication with this woman. If you open that door, just to say I want you out of my life, she will use that as an in. And she doesn't need any help. She will needle her way in and cause damage.
No no no no nono!!

Follow APs advice and write a letter you'll never send. Get all of it that you feel you need to say out of your system/off your chest/whatever. Get it out. You will be ok!
Hey epi, it's true that cutting off all contact is the best revenge. it hurts the most. I guess why I'm saying this is because I've been on the other side recently. My ex cut off all contact with me without explanation in January. We had been friends before that and I wouldn't say I'm evil like your ex seems to be, but to this day it still hurts me a lot that he just stopped talking to me, answering my texts, and contacting me at all without explanation. I did ask for a reason why and promised to never talk to him again after he told me why, and I never got that reason. I did take the hint, and have not contacted him for the past few months and I never will. The ball is in his court as far as I'm concerned and I'm so hurt over being cut out that I doubt I will ever forgive him and want to talk to him myself should he ever decide to one day. The point is, she will get the message and it will hurt even if you will never see the signs of that since you are cutting her out. I'm sure it is the best way to move on for you too and reading your and everyone else's posts have made me realize the reason why my ex probably did it to me. He wanted to move on and doesn't want me in his life. I respect that. Hopefully your ex will too.
I'm sorry that happened to you. That guy I was seeing and was all excited about just about 2 months ago, stopped talking to me at random. I did finally recieve 'a reason' but the cutting someone out for no reason sucks. Especially at that point, I was still under the impression we were seeing each other.
At any rate, *hug* for you.
(((sageykins))) that's harsh. Sorry you had to go through that.

(((Buttercups))) I can't speak for your ex boyfriend, but in my case, revenge has nothing to do with it; I don't want to talk to my ex because we can do nothing but complicate each others' lives. I use this thread as a place to vent, so I sound bitter sometimes and maybe I am a little, but I don't hate my ex and I don't wish anything bad on her (well, it would be nice if life was a little more fair and didn't reward her for her bad behaviour, but that's not the same thing as wishing something bad on her). I just can't be friends with her, and if we can't be friends there's really not much point in talking at all.
Sorry epi, didn't mean to imply that you did that for revenge. Just in my situation that's what it felt like he was doing. Please don't hold off on any venting!

And sorry that happened to you sageykins, I'm glad you eventually got a reason. Did it bring you any closure? I wonder if I would have felt some closure if I at least got a reason, or maybe it wouldn't have mattered...
Darn computer- I had a long response and it's deleted. Grr.
His reasons were that he felt it wasn't go far on his part, he knew he handled it badly, and that he shouldn't have done what he did. He never apologized, the whole thing was odd and frankly rude. He said he wasn't as 'there' as I was, which... I'm still not sure how 'there' I was a few months after a year long relationship ended, but I guess it was more than he was. I don't really feel much better because he could have said this in person, 2 days before when I was with him, or he could have said something at all- because he just stopped talking to me when I still believed we were seeing each other/dating.
My point in my response wasn't to turn it around and make it about me, sorry ladies. I just was saying, sometimes there's a reason, and sometimes that reason still doesn't make one feel better or give closure.
To epi I say, your reasons seem justified to me. And even if they didn't, they are your reasons and it seems like this wild woman is just out to guilt you into things. Don't give in. Take care of yourself and be strong for your life and health and happiness.
To buttercups- reasons don't help always. I'm sorry that it happened to you and I wish you will find some good from it. I'm not one who believes in the whole thing of 'things happen for a reason' and 'if it's meant to be Maybe the good thing is that he's living a life you don't need to be part of? I don't know.... But I hope you find peace about it. smile.gif
((((epi & buttercups))))
sageykins, your situation and epi's situation are completely different. The guy who was seeing you was being rude and inconsiderate. He owed you an explanation for not wanting to speak with you anymore after dating for 2 months. He was in the wrong to completely just stop communicating with you.

Epi is dealing with guilty feelings about not speaking with an ex who constantly uses every exchange as a way to exert power and control, really manipulative behavior.

Just post about your own situation if you need help to let go from this relationship. Your attempt to justify how "hurt" an ex (who is toxic) may feel in regards to a person setting boundaries in a finished relationship does not really communicate support and understanding of epi's situation.
That seemed a little unnecessary...I think Sagey and Buttercups were replying to each other. In regards to her own ex-cutting-off-contact-situation Buttercups asked about Sagey's experience. And I didn't get any of the "attempt to justify" the ex's feelings, in fact, Sageykins seemed pretty supportive of epi not communicating with the ex.

Sagey, that's really harsh, what an ass.

Buttercups, I've been there too and I agree, it hurt. But it was surprisingly easy to move on once that contact was stopped - now it does feel like ancient history or another lifetime or something.

(((epi))) Hopefully she'll take the hint soon and just leave you alone already.
Ouch. I thought I was pretty clear when I said that epi's reasons are her own and she doesn't need to be guilted into talking to this woman for anything. epi I apologize if something I said ended up coming out in a way that caused you to feel anything other than support from me.
I never intended to turn it into something that was about me or my situation in the first place, I was answering buttercups and then I was simply trying to say to epi that there's no need to talk to her, and please don't give into her guilt trips.
Stargazer, I had to read your reply about 6 times and I'm still uncertain how to respond. I wasn't trying to post about my situation to begin with, I was trying to share a similar experience with buttercups and offer support to epi. If I failed in that attempt, I apologize.
I have come here, as have everyone else, to give and recieve support. That is all I was doing. I don't see how what I shared should be taken as justification of a toxic ex.
Sageykins I definitely felt that you were trying to support everyone here and I thank you for sharing your experience with me. We were just having a discussion about being cut-off without reason and I wanted to know the outcome of what sageykins went through.

Thanks for being so understanding too ketto, I hope it feels that way soon.
Sageykins, I didn't read your post that way at all. No worries.

Stargazer, I agree that your last post was unnecessarily aggressive. We're all here to post about our experiences and learn from the experiences of others. Sagey didn't do anything wrong by posting about her situation, and I'm not sure why you thought she was trying to justify my ex's actions and criticize mine. I thought it was pretty clear she was doing just the opposite.

Buttercups, no worries, your post didn't offend me, either. I'm sorry that your situation with your ex is hurting you so much.
Wow, Star. That was harsh. MAD HARSH (And I know from harsh, I'm the asshole that referred to Epi's ex as Three Mile Island & at different points when she was considering wavering have brought her own words back to haunt her. While effective, it does pretty much make me a total dick). I dunno what that freak out was about , but it was def way out of line on your part.

I am not trying to diminish anybody's situation, but we've all gone through some shit the past year & a half. We've done a lot of sharing/growing together here in the Lounge & it's kinda counterproductive to be giving each other stick. So let us all slow our rolls a bit, eh?
I apologize for coming across harshly and aggressive to you, sageykins. I must've misinterpreted your post. I'm sorry for the derailment to everyone else.
I was talking to my good friend R last night about my ex and it turns out she wasn't as popular with my friends as I thought. One of the things that made it so hard for me to see her for what she was was that nobody else seemed to see it, either - my friends and family all loved her. Except for one friend who lived in another city and never met her, and who has the truly uncanny ability to read people, even people he's never met. When your friends and family all hate someone you're involved with, that's a pretty good indication that something's not right and they could be toxic, but what if you don't have that indicator?

Anyway, R was saying he didn't want to say anything at the time, but he never really knew what I saw in J and he thought she was a shallow, conceited bitch. I'd always thought he liked her, but now I'm not surprised that he felt this way, because she couldn't stand him and didn't really try to hide it. She was pretty cold with him toward the end, and apparently they ran into each other a couple times after we broke up and she was quite nasty. I feel bad for exposing him to her. I can only imagine the kinds of things she says about him to other people.
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