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> D'oh! Smart People, Stupid Moments, The "Say Anything" thread
dayglowpink
post Jan 21 2010, 09:46 PM
Post #1


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 519
From: the shallow south


I found a 20$ bill on the street on my way to work. I then parked on the street in a space that's technically 2 hour parking, but I always park there all day and have never had problems. When I got back to my car, I had two parking tickets for, yes, 10$ each.
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humanist77
post Jan 11 2010, 01:48 PM
Post #2


belligerently lazy
***
Posts: 903
From: Chicago


sigh..i just remembered a great one from awhile ago:
I was in my BGP's kitchen with her and another gal and BGP was making cosmos. I guess she hadn't really done it before and wasn't shaking the shaker properly-sorta tipping it back in forth lazily. I stepped in and said "let me show you how to shake a martini correctly." I took the shaker in my raised fist and shook it with vigorous, cocky confidence-for only about 5 seconds before the thing practically exploded-splashing sticky liquid everywhere (mostly on myself, of course)-I had forgotten to hold the top down tongue.gif


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I pledge allegiance to and wrap myself in the flag of the United States Against Anything Un-American and to the Republicans for which it stands, two nations, under Jesus, rich against poor, with curtailed liberty and justice for all except blacks, homosexuals, women who want abortions, Communists, welfare queens, treehuggers, feminazis, illegal immigrants, children of illegal immigrants, and you if you don't watch your step.
-Matt Groening, Life in Hell
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candycane_girl
post Apr 26 2009, 09:22 PM
Post #3


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 2,336
From: Canada


Okay, so this isn't too hilarious but I thought it was kinda funny. A while back I left a pair of very sexy panties at my boyfriend's place because he seems to enjoy having little tokens from me. Eventually I decided that I wanted to wear them again so I sent him an email asking if he would be willing to part with them at least for a little while. Later that day I get an email from him saying "I think you meant part with your panties but I'd be willing to party with them, too!"

I asked my boyfriend to party with my panties. Not me though, just the panties.
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stargazer
post Apr 8 2009, 01:10 PM
Post #4


brown delicious
***
Posts: 2,938
From: here, there, everywhere


bump for candy


--------------------
"I'm not impressed easily. Wow! A blue car!"-Homer Simpson
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lanyo
post Apr 1 2009, 10:30 PM
Post #5


BUSTie
**
Posts: 10


i was in charge of doling out the boxcutters at work, it's the kind of thing that always goes missing, so you have to know who had them last.... these are the "safety" type, where the blade only comes out when you're pushing along the other side, so if your hand jumps, the blade should pop back in.

i very carefully sliced open a box, and about 4 inches along my forearm. not deep, but nice and long. i've never had this problem with the more dangerous type.

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StarLightBright
post Mar 4 2009, 03:17 PM
Post #6


BUSTie
**
Posts: 19
From: L.A Baby!!!!


haha thats funny stuff like that always happen to me...I'v ran a red light looking at the lights ahead of the read light i ran lol then i realized i ran it but i was lucky that i didnt get into a car accident that would have sucked...
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humanist77
post Mar 2 2009, 08:17 PM
Post #7


belligerently lazy
***
Posts: 903
From: Chicago


This morning I was trying to catch a bus (a route that I hadn't taken before, but I knew it went where I needed to go)-I needed to go westbound, and I was walking frantically up and down the street searching for a bus stop. There were several on the other side of the street, but none on what I thought was the westbound side. I gave up in frustration, and crossed the street, thinking maybe I was going the wrong way.

Not only that was true, but it was also a one way street.
Once again, I get to wear the dumbass cap for the day.


--------------------
I pledge allegiance to and wrap myself in the flag of the United States Against Anything Un-American and to the Republicans for which it stands, two nations, under Jesus, rich against poor, with curtailed liberty and justice for all except blacks, homosexuals, women who want abortions, Communists, welfare queens, treehuggers, feminazis, illegal immigrants, children of illegal immigrants, and you if you don't watch your step.
-Matt Groening, Life in Hell
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zoya
post Nov 18 2008, 08:22 PM
Post #8


uh huh.
***
Posts: 1,818
From: the world.


cocl - don't feel too bad, a couple of years ago, a good friend of mine had flu-like symptoms for several months. it wasn't going away - headaches, trouble eating, shaky, sore joints, etc etc. One day he got extremely ill with a terrible headache so I took him to the emergency room. They let me stay in the back with him, as he had no family, so I was the closest person he had in town - while we waited for them to admit him, he said (and bear in mind he's an extremely flamboyant gay man) "wouldn't it be glamourous if it was a tumor?" and then we kept saying to each other "it's a TUMAH!!! a TUMAH!!" while he swooned and generally acted like a poof. it was hilarious.

3 hours later, we found out that he indeed have a brain tumor, wrapped around his spinal cord at the base of the skull.

whoops.

(btw , it was benign and they got it all out and he's fine today)


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crazyoldcatlady
post Nov 18 2008, 06:56 PM
Post #9


the moistiest
***
Posts: 1,700
From: here. in my head.


been meaning to post this one, i'm an awful person:

friend's cousin: i've been getting these headaches lately, and i don't know why.
me: (best arnold impersonation circa kindergarten cop) it's not a tumah!
friend: so. not funny.*


*friend's dad presented to the hospital 5 months prior with a headache, found out it was metastatic tumor from the lung, and died 1 month before this conversation. i TOTALLY wasn't even thinking, and i still feel like a wretch.


AND, because i can't shut up, today's gaffe:

me: (sniffing armpit) "My FUCKIN' deodorant isn't working these days!"

yah. my "boss" had been standing right next to me, and i hadn't noticed because from my peripheral vision, i thought she was another colleague.


bless me goddess for i have sinned in my words.
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tommynomad
post Nov 18 2008, 02:55 PM
Post #10


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 331
From: Auckland, ANZ!


I made a pledge to my team that I would not miss another game this season after skipping out last week to see Steve Earle & Alison Moorer (good reason though, right?).

This week game night falls on Shenomad's birthday.


--------------------
"If I help women to have babies when they can give them love and affection, [those babies] will not grow up to be rapists or murderers.
They will not build concentration camps."
--Dr. Henry Morgentaler
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bunnyb
post Nov 18 2008, 10:51 AM
Post #11


The artist now known as I don't give a shit.
***
Posts: 4,053


I moved out of the family home a couple of months ago, to another city. Last weekend bunnymama asked me to post my key to our postbox as bunnysister had lost the only copy they had. I did so, not realising that posting it would mean that the letter with the only key to the postbox would arrive IN THE POSTBOX.

Another stupid moment: the boy has a handheld vacuum, which I'd never used until last month. It took me an hour on my hands and knees trying to vacuum up dust and fluff (wooden floors in old flat); once the boy came home he showed me turn arounf the suction attachment so that I wasn't doing it backwards.


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"Hey, did anyone ever think Sylvia Plath wasn't crazy, maybe she was just cold? " (Lorelai Gilmore)
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humanist77
post Jul 31 2008, 09:12 PM
Post #12


belligerently lazy
***
Posts: 903
From: Chicago


Last week I tried to go through those tall, revolving gates with the horizontal bars at the train station-with my bike. Don't ask me what I was thinking, because I obviously wasn't. Needless to say, I got completely stuck with my bike, inside two partitions of the gate in a very small space. i was completely jammed in there, and every time I tried to move, the gate only closed more (they only go one way), locking me in there tighter. It was also kind of under a building, and my cellphone got no reception, so I couldn't call for help, or at least call work to let them know I'll be late.

Now I'm not claustrophobic, but this put me into a panic attack. The best part were all the people coming up to the gate to exit, seeing me and seeming to think 'hmm, that gate is blocked-I'll go to the other side', instead of hmm..maybe asking me if I needed help? No less than ten people did this-until this wonderful woman stayed with me for at least ten minutes, finagling my bike through the bars and freed from the gate. Then because I couldn't go back in, she even carried my bike back up the stairs, over the train platform and back down the other side. and she was totally nice about it. I wanted to hug her, but I was covered in bike grease : P

Yeah, I earned the title of dumbass for the day...


--------------------
I pledge allegiance to and wrap myself in the flag of the United States Against Anything Un-American and to the Republicans for which it stands, two nations, under Jesus, rich against poor, with curtailed liberty and justice for all except blacks, homosexuals, women who want abortions, Communists, welfare queens, treehuggers, feminazis, illegal immigrants, children of illegal immigrants, and you if you don't watch your step.
-Matt Groening, Life in Hell
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pherber
post Mar 3 2008, 11:05 AM
Post #13


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 337


I keep forgetting passwords and usernames...

I guess that happens to everyone occasionally, but I think in my case it's pathological.
I must've klicked password recovery a dozen times. *cringes*
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starship
post Feb 29 2008, 05:08 PM
Post #14


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 366


I always have a cup of tea to wake me up at breakfast. One bleary-eyed morning after making it, putting everything away etc etc i went over to the counter to get my tea and it was missing. I stood there like a lemon for a good few minutes before realising I'd put it in the fridge instead of the milk. eugh cold tea sad.gif...

I also accidentally spent an hour in an astro-physics lecture (I study law). Id got there early and sat right in the middle so I could see/hear clearly and by time the lecture had started I was 'trapped' in the middle of all these people and too embarassed to get up and leave. Longest.hour.of.my.life...

My boyfriend played computer games a lot and so used to keep calling me 'noob' in emails when we first started talking. I have no interest in games so assumed he meant 'knob' and was just a bad speller. Id get a bit offended each time until one day I just exploded and told him to stop calling me a knob because it's really offensive. Lets just say I felt stupid...

On the train and some guy keeps staring and looking me up and down. I was (rather egotistically) rolling my eyes on the inside and trying to give off my best 'not interested' vibes. I get up at my stop and theres a hugeeee wet patch on my jeans where a drink had leaked in my bag...cue sharp exit and over-exagerated gestures towards leaky drink as culprit

It's worrying how many of these I actually have...
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zora
post Feb 29 2008, 04:23 PM
Post #15







I'm bumping this thread because it's funny and I'm super mega clumsy. (A few years ago I joined the safety committee at work and managed to stupidly injure myself three times in three weeks.)

One night I was cutting some fabric with a single-edged razor. I put it on whatever it was I was cutting and pressed the top of it down, hard, using my index finger. Then I noticed my finger hurt. I had the razor upside down and really cut myself deep. Good one.
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freckleface7
post Aug 13 2007, 09:09 PM
Post #16


beachcomber
***
Posts: 1,200
From: societal fringe


while making crepes tonight, I scraped, nearly cutting, my tonge while I was licking the nutella off the butterknife I used to spread it on there.

this is what I get for gluttonous greed.


--------------------
I'm gonna let it shine
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crazyoldcatlady
post Aug 7 2007, 05:22 PM
Post #17


the moistiest
***
Posts: 1,700
From: here. in my head.


I LOVE IT, CH!

I would have paid GOOD money to see that wink.gif
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culturehandy
post Aug 7 2007, 10:19 AM
Post #18


(o)(o)
***
Posts: 11,350
From: Oh boobs


One day, while high, I was making some toast and I was wondering what was taking so long. Not only had I failed to put toast in the toaster, I had also failed to plug it in and also didn't put the bread down to toast. So I had a toaster on the counter. And that's all.


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Hatred does not cease in this world by hating, but by not hating; this is an eternal truth. --- Buddah, The Dhammapada
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grrrlyouwant
post Aug 6 2007, 12:42 AM
Post #19


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 577
From: california


at work, we put trays of product on racks which then go to the blast freezer before packing, and i'm always having to waylay a rack en route if i want to get my check done. once i have it, i have to keep a hand on it, cause as soon as i turn my back, production will be like, "hey, what's this doing just sitting here? get it to the freezer" so the other night i had my rack and turned away for two seconds to ask the manager something, and when i turned back, it was wheeling towards the blast. i grabbed it, tapped the guy wheeling it on the shoulder, and because it was loud in there with the machinery, yelled really loud, "dude, how many times do i have to tell you to quit grabbin' my rack?!" well, once that night was enough. rolleyes.gif


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and with her step, i move my feet and with her hand, i feel my skin and with her need, i find i'm saved
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humanist77
post Aug 5 2007, 09:17 PM
Post #20


belligerently lazy
***
Posts: 903
From: Chicago


ugh..I made a stupid last week. I was driving down a long stretch of several blocks through a residential area, there were stop signs at each intersection. I probably stopped at 5 of them, expecting there to be yet another one at the next one. I got to the next one, and someone was just stopped, sitting at the crosswalk. I honked at them, but they didn't move. I honked again, and I saw her give me a dirty look in her mirror. WTF? So I angrily pulled around her car and went through the intersection. That's when I saw the red light sad.gif

They were very small traffic lights-the kind that don't hang over the intersection, but are on small posts off to the side, on the opposite corners. The intersection wasn't even any bigger or busier than the previous ones, and no cars were going past us. I'm not sure why there was a light there, but there was, and I felt like such an ass. Honest mistake, but I felt really bad because I was rude to the person in front of me, and I'm always appalled when people do stupid shit like that on the road.

*hangs head in shame*


--------------------
I pledge allegiance to and wrap myself in the flag of the United States Against Anything Un-American and to the Republicans for which it stands, two nations, under Jesus, rich against poor, with curtailed liberty and justice for all except blacks, homosexuals, women who want abortions, Communists, welfare queens, treehuggers, feminazis, illegal immigrants, children of illegal immigrants, and you if you don't watch your step.
-Matt Groening, Life in Hell
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