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> Taking Up The Whole Damn Bed!, In Praise of Singledom
Synergy
post Jan 29 2011, 02:22 PM
Post #1


BUSTie
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Posts: 22
From: europe


What about the bf's family. No more splitting up the holidays between his family and mine. No more 'have to get along' with his sister who i normally would never have as even an acquaintance.

I like being single. Everything happens on my terms. No negociating, no 'i have to discuss that' before making a dicision. And for some backgroundinfo; i was alone half of the time due to his work. He was gone and home for six weeks. So even though i could do my own thing half the time, it's still such freedom to be able to do it the other half of the time also.

Some other things are:
- doing the dishes when i feel like it and not immediatly after dinner
- eating what i want (he was very peticular about food)
- and a lot of stuff other people already mentioned

A lot of things you do with a bf, you can do with a surrogate without having the whole relationship hassle.
The best thing is having great sex. In the relationship it became a little of a drag and i don't have that with my current bedpartners.

And i like to be alone at my own place with my own stuff being me smile.gif


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If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?

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epinephrine
post Jan 11 2011, 01:15 AM
Post #2


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 636
From: Chongqing, China


Not having the pull of a comfortable cozy relationship to influence your big life decisions. If I weren't single this year, it would have been a lot tougher to pick up and go to China. And my future plans to bury myself in school until I graduate so I can come back and teach English would probably not bear too well with a LTR, either. I suppose it goes both ways, and that a relationship can be an anchor as much as a ball and chain, but right now, I'm visualizing that ball and chain.

And stargazer, I'm totally with you on living solo. Once I got over the loneliness, I loved living alone. I loved coming home knowing that everything was going to be exactly where I left it, exactly how I want it. I loved coming home after a long day at work knowing that my armchair and space heater were waiting for me and I wouldn't have anything coming in between me and my tea and my popcorn and my movie. I loved being able to invite people over without the need to consider the preferences of roommates or a live-in girlfriend/boyfriend. Sooooo nice.


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To be free one must give up a little part of oneself.
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stargazer
post Aug 29 2010, 08:15 AM
Post #3


brown delicious
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Posts: 2,938
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I know I just posted about missing having someone over my place in the Confessions thread, BUT...

I am really enjoying living on my own. The last time I lived alone with no roommates, just me, was when I was 25. Basically, 10 years ago. blink.gif In 2004, I moved in with my friend after the breakup of a LTR and living/being alone, single, seemed like such a bad hang. I just remember feeling really confused and lonely. Loneliness was a feeling that I used to make some poor choices during that time, but, I guess those things had to happen in order for me to learn what I want for myself.

I think I am surprised how comfortable I am with my decision to move and live here...enjoying the solitude.


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"I'm not impressed easily. Wow! A blue car!"-Homer Simpson
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mumblestutter
post Apr 12 2010, 11:00 PM
Post #4


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Posts: 103
From: michigan


The back-lash against feminism continues. Even as the proportion of women with college degrees continue to increase, old stereo-types are re-invigorated. Maybe seeing more women in more powerful roles (women of all shades and sizes; beautiful, interesting, non-frigid women too) is scary. Maybe seeing any woman refusing to accept abuse from a partner is scary? Maybe the old school is being so vocal because they're shaking in their boots?

That article brought up a lot of interesting points that I should probably wander over to the feminist outrage thread to discuss. But instead, I bet I'm just going to fall asleep. Thanks for posting stargazer!
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stargazer
post Apr 11 2010, 08:06 PM
Post #5


brown delicious
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Posts: 2,938
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I feel like in the past couple of years that singledom is taking a tough hit. Jennifer Aniston gets pegged as sad and lonely for her dating life. The measurement of success for a women still being the status of marriage and/or children. I think it is interesting that I've felt this sentiment even from other women. After reading this article about singledom and African American women, I've felt that there has been alot of Shaming of Singledom.

Is being single as a woman (even those who are in a long term relationship and eschew the legal stuff) still considered radical today? blink.gif How far have we come?


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"I'm not impressed easily. Wow! A blue car!"-Homer Simpson
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futura
post Feb 9 2010, 01:59 PM
Post #6


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Posts: 208


I agree with you, Epi. When i wanted to go out with my ex and things weren't really going as planned, there was this air of failure and boredom. He would purposely start fights.
Now, when i go somewhere, i just go with the flow, no hatin' goin' on. Just the way i like it.

This weekend i finally bought a good featherbed. I never owned one, and the bonus was that it was 50% off. I went home, made my bed, and took a nap.

In about 2 weeks i'm going to see Hole, with my friends. If it turns out to be a total dud, we don't care. We'll have a good time anyway.
The longer i'm single, the harder it is for me to understand why my ex was so negative in our relationship sometimes. He told me he didn't want me to be down about it, but it's really hard when someone throws it in your face. Stupid games. At some point i spoke up and suggested we'd end it. He agreed, but i wonder what he'd done if i hadn't said that.

Anyway. I love my house, i redecorated. I see now that i try to recreate my childhood (strong memories about my grandmother's bedrooms upstairs, the furniture we used to have at home). I guess i'm creating a safe place. My own private womb. smile.gif


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"It was when I found out I could make mistakes that I knew I was on to something"- Ornette Coleman
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epinephrine
post Feb 9 2010, 01:31 PM
Post #7


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Posts: 636
From: Chongqing, China


Going to a much-anticipated show which turns out to be really lame, without having to deal with your significant other's resultant moodiness.

Went to see the Junior Boys this weekend and they totally sucked. I could just picture the scene if I'd gone with my ex. Going to a lame show by yourself or with a friend is no big deal. You bitch about it, cut your losses and go home. Going with someone you're in a foundering relationship with is horrible, though. I could just picture it like she was actually there - the sense of failure, the passive-aggressive silence, the unspoken blame, the determined boredom, the disappointment that follows you home and climbs into bed with you...ugh. Even though it was a bit of a trigger, going to that show made me so glad I was single.


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To be free one must give up a little part of oneself.
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epinephrine
post Dec 19 2009, 06:41 PM
Post #8


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Posts: 636
From: Chongqing, China


Playing Scrabble! I'm a total Scrabble nerd, and my ex didn't particularly care for it, but she really hated playing with me. She always got really sullen and bitchy, and ruined the whole thing. So now I play as much as I damn well please, and I don't have to feel bad about winning. Which I always do, 'cause I'm awesome. She hated that.


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To be free one must give up a little part of oneself.
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odysseylily
post Dec 16 2009, 06:53 PM
Post #9


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Posts: 61


Ha! I love kitties, they are the best. After my ex and I first moved in together we were watching that Seinfeld episode where Elaine's boyfriend chose his cats over her, and I was like, "I'd always choose my cats over any guy." My ex looked at me like I had just shit on his bible or something. But seriously, that's how it should be . . .
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rogue
post Dec 16 2009, 08:55 AM
Post #10


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From: The Great White North.


I totally agree, period_monster - there's nothing like waking up with kitties. One of mine always sleeps with me - even gets under the covers! - and it's nice to not have to kick him off because my evil ex always hated them being in bed with us and I always felt awful about it. Especially since I love my cats more than I ever loved him.


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Vixi liber et moriar.
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period_monster
post Dec 16 2009, 03:55 AM
Post #11


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Posts: 191


Waking up encircled in the loving of my two kitties--who require so little but give so much.

Getting to really ask myself what do I want to do, where do I want to go--in a serious way without having to take anybody else's needs or desires into consideration.

Autonomy.
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rogue
post Dec 11 2009, 05:56 PM
Post #12


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 362
From: The Great White North.


Amen, odyssey! My ex used to pick fights with me all the time while in public places.

Right now I'm happy to be single because I can drink again (the ex "didn't want a girlfriend who drinks" so I didn't) and I'm at my staff Christmas party right now, enjoying some amazing wine and just about to move on to the whiskey! Hehe!


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Vixi liber et moriar.
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odysseylily
post Dec 11 2009, 12:01 PM
Post #13


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Posts: 61


I'm in a school lounge & there is a guy here who has been fighting on the phone with his girlfriend for the past 45 minutes. Who knows how much longer it is going to go on. I'm so glad the days of fighting with my ex on my cell phone in a public place are over smile.gif
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rogue
post Dec 1 2009, 03:53 PM
Post #14


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 362
From: The Great White North.


I will admit that I honestly and truly used to do the exact same thing she's doing now, but no more. I used to obsess over what something meant, etc. I think the whole situation is a bit fishy, to be honest. They met at an event put on by our office last month. She lives here, he lives in her home province. They have been texting back and forth for the whole month between now and that event. She went home to visit her fam this past weekend and ended up seeing him as well and now he hasn't responded to her since Saturday. I personally would grab a clue and think he is no longer interested but she keeps analyzing it to no end, asking everyone in our office his/her opinion (and we're a small office, the majority of whom are young adult women between 25-35). I think that maybe she put out Friday night (despite telling us she didn't) and he's lost interest. That seems the most relevant to me.

Most of the women have told her to wait a week and then message/call him again if she hasn't heard from him. HELLO?! If he's still being active on Facebook (which he is!) he's obviously capable of calling, texting, or e-mailing her. If I were in this situation and I waited a week and didn't hear from him, that would be the end of it. I don't know what she's going to do - last I heard she was thinking about calling him tonight - but if it were me, I'd leave it up to him. She texted him both Sunday and Monday with no response. She's done her part.

Bah. I'm sorry. I talked all this over with my mom tonight and she said pretty much the same thing. It's all I've heard about all day - seriously, I got nothing done because of it. Like I said, she's a great girl but it would be awesome if she would just keep this out of the office. I like some gossip, but not two days of should I do this? or maybe this? or how about this? well what do you think of this? do you think he's doing this? UGH! I'm so annoyed.

< /endrant >


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Vixi liber et moriar.
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anna k
post Dec 1 2009, 03:42 PM
Post #15


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Posts: 1,687
From: NYC


QUOTE
I feel super bad for her because she's so "OMG WHAT DOES THIS MEAN WHY HAVEN'T I HEARD FROM HIM AHHHH!!!" and it's driving me a little bit crazy.


This is my sister with almost every guy she dates. She gets wrapped up with her own insecurities if he doesn't call enough, takes a budding relationship way too seriously, and sabotages any chance of just enjoying herself and not worrying if he calls or not. She's done this over and over again, and I feel like this pattern won't break, even if I thought she learned this lesson with the guy she dated before the most recent guy she dated.

Makes me happy to be single and not caring about that "why won't he call me?!" bullshit.
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rogue
post Dec 1 2009, 09:24 AM
Post #16


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 362
From: The Great White North.


Me again - still happy to be single! A colleague of mine has spent the past two days freaking out over something that has happened with a guy she has been texting for over a month and went on a date with on Friday night. I used to be an overanalytical girl as well, but now I'm too blunt and straight-foward to fluster myself over a man. I'm just glad it isn't me. I feel super bad for her because she's so "OMG WHAT DOES THIS MEAN WHY HAVEN'T I HEARD FROM HIM AHHHH!!!" and it's driving me a little bit crazy. I adore her and don't want her to be be dicked around, either.

But yes. A really good thing about being single is not having to put up with the neuroses of dating. w00t.


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Vixi liber et moriar.
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rogue
post Nov 28 2009, 10:11 AM
Post #17


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 362
From: The Great White North.


I know, it's so stupid. I'm kind of outraged over it. He and I aren't friends so I don't know him - she and I know each other through an old job and I've never met him - but seriously. I agree with everything you just said, CCG. It's just crazy.


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Vixi liber et moriar.
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candycane_girl
post Nov 28 2009, 08:58 AM
Post #18


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 2,336
From: Canada


Geez, how can you say that to someone? Also, why would someone be so stupid as to go and get married if he feels like he doesn't love the person! Honestly, I just don't understand. I've heard so many people say that they think things will change when they get married and even that marriage will solve all their relationship problems. Um, no it won't. It will just make you legally bound to your problems.
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rogue
post Nov 28 2009, 08:38 AM
Post #19


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 362
From: The Great White North.


Today I have HUGE praise for singledom. I just found out that a good friend of mine is going through hell with her husband - they were together for a long time before they decided to get married in 2008 and apparently he's just told her that he hasn't loved her in months - maybe years. I'm pretty pumped right now that I don't have to hear that from an SO because it would be heartbreaking. It just reaffirms my faith in being single - and I feel so bad for her. She's livid, and understandably hurt. =(


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Vixi liber et moriar.
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Persiflager
post Nov 19 2009, 02:11 AM
Post #20


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 721
From: Babylon


Yay epinephrine!

I hear you on the video store argument....


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“Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence.”
Morris Kline (mathematician, author) 1908-1992
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