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> Sex and Long-Term Relationships
katiebelle2882
post May 24 2006, 07:02 AM
Post #201


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From: NYC


hey lila, you are not alone. i am pretty sure research shows that men are more into it in the morning and women at night. i for one, totally agree unless for some strange reason, i am feeling it in the AM


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lila_x
post May 23 2006, 11:57 AM
Post #202


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I am married and i've been with my husband for 3 years. Like most couples, our sex-drives differ a lot. For me, the perfect time to have sex is at night, i feel really really inspired and i think there's something sensual about the night that makes me hornier. My husband, however, is always tired. i first took offense of it, and thought he wasn't attracted by me anymore, blah, blah blah, but then we figured out we just have a problem of synchronization: my husband is always ready to go in the morning, when i'm sleepy and don't want to do anymore than cuddling. So now, i found that we need to work on that so we can have sex when it feels like the right moment for both of us (late afternoon when we come from work or late morning at the week-end).


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huh
post May 18 2006, 12:31 PM
Post #203


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i am sure that would work...i guess i am just scared to try anything out of my comfort zone, i am not a fan of toys, but am willing to try new positions, but shit...i am just so freaking lazy, i want to get it done and go to sleep. Right now probably isn't the best time to try too much new stuff since i would be too concerned to hurt the baby, eventho 'they' say you can't hurt the baby...its always at the back of any moms (mom-to-be) mind. Skandel...I am jealous!!
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skandelouslala
post May 18 2006, 10:17 AM
Post #204


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After 5 years together I am finding that our sex life (my fiance & I) seems to actually be getting better. When I first realized this I was like...how can this be because so many people try and tell you that the lohnger you're together the more monotonous it comes and blah blah blah.

Not the case for us I don't think. And I can actually see our sex life getting increasingly better in the near future and beyond just b/c I think...we DO get bored of the same old same old so it inspires us to try new things and branch out more.

Don't get me wrong, we've had our slumps but those are frusturation enough to get out of them and go for something new and different. I'm not saying if you have to work something kinky into your routine but sometimes a new position and/or technique can work freakin wonders.

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midgemcgrath
post May 15 2006, 12:11 PM
Post #205


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From: Vancouver, Canada


pardonez moi for asking for a little sensitivity! i thought that's what we were here for. whatev.
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huh
post May 15 2006, 08:14 AM
Post #206


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I considered the possibility that it was a medical issue...but the more I put on my plate the less energy i have. My hubby works hard to support our family, i have a job that really doesn't bring in much, but my hours are perfect for my childs school schedule. I do feel like he could be with someone that could satisfy him the way he needs I guess. I find myself apologising to him for not being the nymphomaniac he wishes for :-) He is understanding most times about being tired and not being in the mood...but sometimes he can be just plane mean to me, and that makes me feel bad. But he isn't really doing it intentionally, but just because it hurts him i guess. I just wish i could get pleasure out of it each time, then i would probably be down to do it more often too...
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lux
post May 15 2006, 04:35 AM
Post #207


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if the lack of interest is due to too much domestic-chores, then tell your husbands about it! they can't read your minds any more than i can read my girlfriends. for some reason she is not willing to tell me what time of the day she'd be willing or what could i do to get her on the mood. it's really frustrating. and yes i take it very personally that she's not interested or doesn't seem to want to do anything about the problem. i think that's the only natural reaction. you can't expect someone to just take it easy when you're being constantly rejected.
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katiebelle2882
post May 13 2006, 06:58 PM
Post #208


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um, midge, the words she used "force myself" etc seemed to indicate that she herself was worried about it. when you have to "force yourself" to have sex, i think that is slightly indicative of something going on. of course people have different sex drives, she made it seem as though she really had none, and was worried about it. i was just saying that how if she is worried, there are a number of things it can be, especially since she indicated it wasnt always like this for her. if it turns out that its just her normal sex drive, then fine, it's not a problem. she seemed to think it might be, so i responded. sorry if i offended anyone.

i mean, she is stressed, thats why she doesnt want to have sex (as is the case with alot of women here) so i do think thats a problem. not with us women, but just with life in general. in fact, i dont necessarily think that is any indicator of her natural sex drive. luckily, it can be fixed, however, its just something that happens to most people once they have real responsiblities.

no offense meant to anyone.


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pepper
post May 12 2006, 07:53 PM
Post #209







girls, personally I'M not offended so let's not make blanket statements ok? these are just ideas we're kicking around, it's ok to think out loud in here right? so long as no offense was intended. let's be gentle with each other.

when i had a bf whose sex drive seemed to alway be miles ahead of mine i suffered from self-inflicted pressure to "catch-up" with him. i felt like i never wanted to and like he always did, i felt guilty about saying no all the time. i wanted him to leave me alone so that i could be the one to come to him, i thought if he gave me some breathing room i'd finally be able to feel attracted to him again.
it just never happened. i had to face the fact that his personality and what we had between us wasn't attractive to me anymore and didn't turn me on. i ended our relationship.
perhaps if i'd had a family with him and more of a reason to stick it out and work through things i would have stayed and done just that. but i really, REALLY think that when it's progressed (or degenerated) to that point it's time to ask for help. if i ever find myself in that position again i'm going for counselling. thinking back i see that the hole we'd dug ourselves into was too deep to get out of on our own. it's no wonder it fell apart, we needed some help.
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maddy29
post May 12 2006, 10:37 AM
Post #210


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Thanks midge- I agree-I just have a not so high sex drive, most of the time, and it's frustrating to feel like "it's a problem." When I don't feel like sex, it's usually cause i'm tired and stressed out and have other stuff on my mind.

I had an old friend who was way on the other side of the sex spectrum-one of those people who could just stay up all night doing it, and doing it....I can't do that! I woulnd't want to either-I LOVE sleep and sleep is very important to me.

Huh- it sounds like you are tired and stressed and kind of a typical mom! my sister and her husband argue about sex because once she's spent the whole day with the kids and gotten them into bed, and he gets home from work and the gym, she's exhausted, and he's like hey baby:-) it'll be 11:00 and she's just ready to go to sleep.

Is your husband upset about your lack of interest? or is it you that is concerned?
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midgemcgrath
post May 11 2006, 03:33 PM
Post #211


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katiebelle, just thought you should be aware of how totally offensive it is when you keep saying that people who have always had lower sex drives have a "problem" that needs to be looked at. people naturally have different sex drives, and just because someone doesn't prioritize sex the way someone else does doesn't mean there's something inherently wrong with that.

just hoping you could be more sensitive to those of us for whom it IS normal to have a lower sex drive.
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katiebelle2882
post May 11 2006, 12:00 PM
Post #212


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From: NYC


yeah thats why i asked if you were always like that. i mean, if you were ALWAYS like that then it may be a problem ya know. but since clearly you havent always been like that i dont know if i would say you "arent a sexual person", you just have things in the way of making you feel sexual. kids, chores...life really.

now that you elaborated and stuff, its easy to see why you have no sex drive. maybe once the kid is born exactly what you need is a week away with the husband and no kids.


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huh
post May 11 2006, 08:19 AM
Post #213


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Thanks for the input everyone...at first (as i am sure it is with most people) being sexual is easy i guess...but over time and with stresses of life it kind of takes the back seat...i know that is a bullshit excuse but i am just bored with it. My sleep is more important (how sad). As far as birth control I used an IUD since anything hormonal screwed me up royaly - weight, skin, moods etc - it was a nightmare...the IUD worked the best. it is true what you say about the man helping around the house, he does the outside stuff you know...the manly-man stuff...its not so much what goes on at home, it seems that i just take a back seat to his friends sometimes, and will say the things i want to hear a lot closer to bed time, so Im sure you can see how superficial that sounds. oh well. i guess i really just have to find something that works, something that will get me going again - other than a week away from kids and work and house keeping...
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kitty8499
post May 11 2006, 07:05 AM
Post #214


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From: south


HUH if you weren't pregnant i'de ask you what kind of birth control you were on.Often bc pills kill your sex drive.I recently had to switch from bc pills to the patch.My gyno man gave me a hormone blood test.He explained that my body was making enough hormones but the pills were causing them to bind up and not get where they needed to go.Basically just flowing around in my bloodstream.He gave me a shot of testosterone and told me id'e feel better in a couple of months.He was right.I have more energy and sex drive then i've had in a long time.Who'de of known it was do to birth control pills.
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pepper
post May 10 2006, 08:22 PM
Post #215







i don't know if i agree with that at all. someone not being a sexual person and not wanting to have sex doesn't neccessarily mean that something is wrong. it's just that person's make-up is all. and, hellO, one kid and one on the way? yeah, kids are the biggest anti-aphrodisiac i know of. with my kid i was celibate for almost three years yo, and i LOVE sex.
now the jealousy and suspicion are a nothing thing entirely.
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katiebelle2882
post May 10 2006, 10:55 AM
Post #216


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From: NYC


yeah i have to say, you might have a problem there huh. it could be medical. have you always been like this? this is going to sound mean but i am shocked he married you in that, if sex is important to someone, it should be a dealbreaker in that its going to become an issue eventually. of course hes going to think something is wrong, i mean not wanting to have sex with someone can be seriously hurtful to their ego and it usually means something IS wrong. perhaps you should get checked out by a doctor.

then again, if he doesnt help around the house and isnt doing much to help you, it may be that as well. because as everyone has discussed before, a man helping out is a turn on in and of itself.


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ritzyreese
post May 9 2006, 06:22 PM
Post #217


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A balanced sex life between any two people is always a process.
Remember to communicate, acommodate & practice. :-)
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ritzyreese
post May 9 2006, 06:21 PM
Post #218


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A balanced sex life between any two people is always a process.
Remember to communicate, acommodate & practice. :-)
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huh
post May 9 2006, 01:47 PM
Post #219


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i have been with my hubby for 7 years, one kid, and one on the way, i am not a sexual person, sucks for him, because he is, so of course I have to force myself to have sex. i usually enjoy it once i get there, but i would rather not go through the trouble of getting there and just go to sleep. selfish? yes.The sucky thing is that he takes it personally and thinks i don't love him or that i am having an affair, i love him more than life itself, he is the greatest guy ever, gorgeous looking man, oh my God...any woman in their right mind would have him on his back in a second...so i guess i just answered my own question...i quess i am just not in my right mind - oh dear!
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red
post May 2 2006, 09:10 AM
Post #220


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Okay, so tonight I'll hopefully have the opportunity to talk to him. I don't want to end up resenting him because I avoided opening my mouth...no pun intended. Thanks for the advice.
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