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> Turning 30...do I really have to leave my 20's?
sybarite
post Mar 13 2008, 08:10 AM
Post #1


it's cards on the table time
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Posts: 1,993


I'm wiser as well as older at this point, in my mid-30s, but IMO it's as a result of circumstances rather than especially age-related. When I was 30, 31, I had a great job and was living it up, going out a lot and generally pleasing myself in all aspects of my life. Then I lost my job when all the dotcoms crashed and for the first time in my life faced the fact I hadn't built up a 'career'... just taken a series of admittedly very cool jobs, which unfortunately didn't add up to a longterm career, at least where I live. Add to that starting my first truly longterm relationship at around the same time and I found myself totally discombulated and at times very insecure, and on a big learning curve emotionally and workwise.

It was very hard for a while but I've come out of it with a budding career and a longterm freelance gig and in the same, now solid relationship. I'm emotionally much stronger and a far better partner. Up until I was 30 I was fairly selfish. Nothing wrong with that, or with claiming a lot of freedom, as I continue to do. My biggest thing was learning how much capacity I had to hurt others, often but not always inadvertently, and learning to stop.

I remain a firm believer in the maxim that age ain't nothing but a number. I'm building a career because I feel the need to commit to a field which I find fulfilling; previously, I didn't feel that need. The only age-specific thing I see is my friends starting to have babies and/or get married. There's some degree of biological imperative for women to have children before a certain age, but other than that I would advise not allowing your age to dictate anything. See what you want in life and pursue and enjoy it.

/gets off soapbox. Sorry, ran away with myself there. My experience, for what it's worth.
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knorl05
post Mar 10 2008, 11:41 PM
Post #2


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 819
From: detroit rock city


i understand muffy. i too had to move back home with my parents.. and a lot of my friends chose to do so too with how shitty things are in michigan. i'm just grateful to have an alright paying job and able to have the opportunity to move back with them. i've experienced a lot in my thirty years on earth, and have developed a pretty healthy (imo) perspective as a result. i see the reason i am at the place i am in life is due to the choices i have made. and there is reason behind these choices. and i have to be honest with myself, if where i am and what i'm doing isnt what i want, i have to make the choices necessary to change my conditions. i'm ok with who i am, knowing that i want to be more. obviously you work differently than others, and that's just how it is. i'm the same way. i've never wanted a traditional life, so i've not done things in a traditional way. i think we just really have to see the things we appreciate about our lives to not feel as though we're missing out.

i dont see anything depressing about it dusty, i expect the same for me. wink.gif


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We adore chaos because we love to produce order.
- M.C. Escher
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Muffy
post Mar 10 2008, 07:20 PM
Post #3


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 217
From: Rhode Island


dusty, its not depressing. Its how things worked out for you.
I read somewhere that people reach 'adulthood' at different speeds.


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dusty
post Mar 10 2008, 02:54 PM
Post #4


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 1,617
From: Toronto


I hope this doesn't sound depressing, but things really got better for me when I turned 40.
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Muffy
post Mar 10 2008, 02:28 PM
Post #5


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 217
From: Rhode Island


knorl05, I'm 31 and I'm pretty sure I already am a spinster. or at least the crazy cat lady.

I'm still waiting for all this wisdom and greatness that supposed to come with age to kick in. I don't feel any of the things you've all mentioned. My life hasn't felt better or gotten better. I cried when I turned 30 and I cried when I hit 31 because I felt like I didn't accomplish all the things I had planned for myself. I know I have my entire life, I'm not old. I hate my job, I'm single and I can't afford to live anywhere but my parents' house. I think if I could at least move out I might feel more together and 'adult.' I feel like an overgrown child! I just seem to be slow at everything I do, so this must just be another thing I'm late at doing, everything! I have no idea what I'm doing with my life.I may have been born premature but that seems to be the only premature thing I've ever done!

sorry to bring you all down. I'm having a bad week.


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knorl05
post Mar 6 2008, 02:31 AM
Post #6


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 819
From: detroit rock city


i'm hoping my thirties will bring more emotional security but i can bet that it will........... i look forward to being old and mature and not giving a damn what the kiddies are doing. oh. the spinster life is for me.

amazonprincess: meditation helps to quiet those clocks wink.gif


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We adore chaos because we love to produce order.
- M.C. Escher
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amazonprincess
post Mar 6 2008, 12:22 AM
Post #7


BUSTie
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Posts: 98


This is great, just what I was hoping for, thank you all.
I'm pretty sure that I'm looking forward to my 30th because I feel so much more sure of myself and my place. I falter some but it's usually pretty easy to counter that by looking at what I have accomplished. I wouldn't go back to 10 years ago for anything. I'm not married nor do I have kids yet and I'm very fortunate that no one is pressuring me for either (except the ol bio clock is ticking pretty loudly).
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knorl05
post Mar 4 2008, 01:30 PM
Post #8


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 819
From: detroit rock city


i am completely ok with turning thirty. i've learned *so much* through the years that i just didnt know when i was younger, which matters more to me than maintaining some bubble gum facade. we're all aging, that's inevitable.. and i think thirty is still young. we're only ten years off from our college years, but thirty five years off from the retirement age. we've typically got a whole other lifetime to worry about being old.

ps sexysandee: i'm also not married and no kids.. but i think it's pretty cool. still got my freedom! wink.gif


--------------------
We adore chaos because we love to produce order.
- M.C. Escher
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sexysandee
post Mar 4 2008, 08:28 AM
Post #9


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 266
From: Texas


I turned 30 in September, I think I am handling it better than I thought I was going to.
I am still a little shocked that I'm not married and I have no kids, but I decided to just get over it and live my life.


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"This could be the very minute
I'm aware I'm alive
All these places feel like home"
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zoya
post Mar 1 2008, 09:21 AM
Post #10


uh huh.
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Posts: 1,818
From: the world.


hey all - there's a thread in Friends and Family, "return of the vintage busties." I've bumped the thread... it says "35 and older," but there's been lots of discussion in there about just being in your 30s in general. If you go back in the archives, there was some really good discussion about being in your 30's and people asking why you don't have kids, when you're going to have kids, et al.

(oh, don't let the last round of discussion in there freak you out... nipple hairs and menopause..haha!! I'm in my late 30's, and my periods are like clockwork. no sign of letting up any time soon...)

regarding being in my 30's, I agree with AP.. I have no desire to be back in my 20's. I was a wreck. A wreck who thought she knew it all... then I got to my 30's and realized that I'd just been LEARNING it all. A lot more stuff just rolls off my back now. I honestly think I look better than when I was in my 20's also. I mean, I was lean and mean in my 20's, but I was really insecure and worried all the time about shit. Now I'm a wee bit softer, and though my age certainly shows around the eyes a bit, I think that the fact that I'm comfortable in my own skin now and much more relaxed about things shows, and it's much more attractive. I seem to have a proclivity for attracting the young ones, too. not sure why, but who cares?! haha


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auralpoison
post Mar 1 2008, 07:04 AM
Post #11


Big Fat Bitch
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Posts: 4,932
From: Citizen of the world


I just turned thirty-three a couple months ago & I am stronger, prouder, & better than ever. I am comfortable with my age. Of course, I am lucky as black don't crack & I still get carded/hit on boys ten years younger than me.

I wouldn't want to be twenty-three again. I wasn't yet right with me. As the cliche goes, "With age comes wisdom". I like my imperfect self now. It agonized me when I was younger, but now I embrace me. I'm pretty badass. Badass enough that the twenty-something boy at the liq gave me twenty percent off a bottle of wine just cos he likes me.


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"You're cute, like a velvet glove cast in iron. And like a gas chamber, a real fun gal."
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kinkaju
post Mar 1 2008, 12:55 AM
Post #12


BUSTie
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Posts: 26


Turning 30 for me was not a big deal since I was going through a major back injury at the time and bedridden so the big B-Day totally got its thunder stolen by that. However, now that I'm in my early thirties, I do think about it often, and I kinda like it! I am not sure why hehe. I still believe age is just a number (mostly) and although I feel more mature and confident, I still sometimes feel like I'm 12 haha. smile.gif

The only thing that really bothers me is if/when OTHER people have some issue with my age. Like, I really don't care someone's age, but it annoys me SO much if someone else has some issue, or comment or dumb joke about it. Especially because the kinds of issues and comments I'm taking about are the ones that are meant to insult someone because of their age and make them feel bad and somehow "less" valued because of it. And I don't mean comments only about thirty-somethings, but about people of any age.


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amazonprincess
post Mar 1 2008, 12:17 AM
Post #13


BUSTie
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Posts: 98


Thanks. Pretty quiet in here. I'd like to initiate discussion about turning 30 (or any other age really), what it is/was like for you. I'm all over the place with how I feel about it and I'm curious about other's experiences. Anyone game?
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zora
post Feb 29 2008, 04:10 PM
Post #14







Bumped for Amazon!
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nickclick
post May 11 2006, 06:43 AM
Post #15


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 2,134
From: jersey


for myself and most of my friends, turning 30 meant taking stock of our lives, doing what we want with them and weeding out the unnecessary crap. i left a dead-end relationship, dead-end job, and started new, more promising prospects for both. i also joined a gym and lost 15 lbs! one friend also got a new job and bought a condo. another finalized her divorce. and another got married, bought a house, and is expecting a baby, all in the last year!
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