The Lounge Guidelines Help Search Members Calendar Blogs

Welcome Guest [ Log In | Register ] ]

68 Pages V   1 2 3 > »   
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> *sigh* ........the depression thread
emmy_
post Jun 27 2010, 07:42 AM
Post #1


Newbie
*
Posts: 3
From: Deepest Darkest Suburbia


QUOTE(buttercups @ Jun 7 2010, 08:44 PM) *
He thinks that my birth control may be responsible for how down I've been, because i've been at my worst some days these past few weeks, but i'm not so sure. i guess it's possible, but i don't think i can attribute this all to birth control.


I've suffered on and off from clinical depression and anxiety for years, and I found that coming off the pill really helped. Admittedly I was on antidepressants at the time (Citalopram) so may have been the combination of them AND the pill (Yasmin) but it really made a huge difference to my mood. Also, coming off it perked my sex drive up a bit, which I find is always lessened for me on antidepressants, so that was a happy bonus for me and him, too! It's surprisingly common - I have also got a few friends who have felt really down as a result of their BC (pills and depo) - changing pill got them back to their old selves practically overnight but sadly depo isnt quite so simple.

Have you thought about speaking to your doctor about changing your birth control? There may be other contributing factors, but it might help? Surely at least then you can rule it out...
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Vega
post Jun 17 2010, 01:34 PM
Post #2


Newbie
*
Posts: 5


I tried St. John's Wort a long time ago and didn't really like the feeling it gave me. It made me feel out of it and kind of foggy headed. I finally talked to my doctor about my anxiety and mild depression and he prescribed me Paxil. It's worked really well for me and when I run out, I start to feel depressed after a day or two off of it. I also get really emotional and irritated easily. I really like it and I'm glad I finally talked to my doctor.


--------------------
Allie Vega, Private Health Insurance Advisor
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
buttercups
post Jun 7 2010, 02:44 PM
Post #3


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 294


hey epi, i've been real up and down lately- thanks so much for asking. I've been a lot like you, when I'm feeling good i feel really good, but then I'll get hit by this dark cloud and I feel REALLY bad. The main thing that's been making me feel depressed lately is just feeling like I have no real friends in the world. Once I get to feeling lonely it's all downhill and in a serious way. I feel so depressed I don't want to get up, and my poor bf keeps trying to convince me that there are plenty of people who care about me, but it doesn't stop the loneliness and depression. He thinks that my birth control may be responsible for how down I've been, because i've been at my worst some days these past few weeks, but i'm not so sure. i guess it's possible, but i don't think i can attribute this all to birth control.

I'm sorry you feel empty epi, i know the feeling and i wish i could make it go away for both of us. Hang in there, I know I will be...
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
epinephrine
post Jun 7 2010, 12:53 AM
Post #4


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 636
From: Chongqing, China


Buttercups, how are you doing?

Sib, I took St. John's wort for most of last year and was really pleased with it. It's very gentle, doesn't overstimulate you or make you all numb and dopey or anything. For me, it just took the edge off the horrible feelings I was having, that sense of despair and hopelessness, and made it a little easier to live my life one day at a time. I'm pretty sensitive, and I had no side effects whatsoever - not even freaky dreams, which is a big one for me. I do know people who've reacted badly, though, but they all had special circumstances (allergies and reactions with meds and such). I seem to remember hearing the same things Persiflager mentioned about St. John's Wort and birth control, though. As for dosage, I can't even remember what mine was, but it was fairly high. I took Flora, a really high-quality brand which uses concentrated oil extracts for maximum absorption. I'd usually take a dose when I got up in the morning and a half dose before bed.

I don't really understand why, but my mood swings seem to be coming back. When I'm in a good mood, I'm great - I'm taking care of myself, enjoying my time alone, concentrating on quality and not quantity when it comes to socializing, all that stuff - but lately something's not right. I've been having these bad moods that come out of nowhere and leave me feeling really down on myself and just...empty. I just feel like a complete loser.


--------------------
To be free one must give up a little part of oneself.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Persiflager
post May 17 2010, 08:23 AM
Post #5


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 721
From: Babylon


*delurks*

I've not taken it myself, but remembered this news story about how St John's wort clashes with some prescription medicines.

I think there were also some warnings that it may reduce the efficacy of the contraceptive pill, after some Swedish women had unwanted pregnancies.

(((sib)))

*relurks*


--------------------
“Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence.”
Morris Kline (mathematician, author) 1908-1992
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Lunalu
post May 15 2010, 04:19 PM
Post #6


BUSTie
**
Posts: 52
From: too far


hey all busties,

this thread hasn't been active for quiet a while but I have a question for anyone who is familiar with St. John's Wort.
I'm battling with depression *again* and I recognize all the symptoms and warnings because I've had depressive mood swings for long time but I was managing it without the help of antidepressants for a long time, by eating healthy, exercising, therapy, and basically keeping myself busy. But now I'm going through a real tough time, I feel like venting but I just want to ask if anyone is familiar with St. John's Wort, or if anyone has ever used it.
Since I don't have access to most things I mentioned above, I feel like I need to do something to stop myself from being in the cycle of very real negative thoughts. So I have a good bottle of SJW. it says to take it 3 times a day with meals. Each tablet is 300mg. So I was wondering if I should take 3 at once, or 2 in the morning 1 in the evening, or the other way around?
It also says that I should be careful about sunlight and dermatitis. I already have chronic hives, that I'm taking an antihistamine for, every day, so my only concern is whether this would make the hives even worse... I guess I won't know before trying..? but I'm trying to decide how I should take it or any other suggestions / warnings about the drug itself? I appreciate any comments /suggestions...


--------------------
"All young women begin by believing they can change and reform the men they marry. They can't." ~George Bernard Shaw
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
buttercups
post Feb 7 2010, 04:50 PM
Post #7


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 294


Thanks for the support ladies, you are all wonderful.

The clinicals went ok, but I get nervous before every single one, and I always have. I just always fear that I'm not going to know what to do or how to do something every time. You guys really have me thinking about whether or not this is right for me. I'm really not sure, but all I know is that before I started I didn't really have crazy round-the-clock depression, and now I do. It's something I'm going to seriously have to think about.

I'm so sorry to hear you had a similar experience Stargazer. It's hard to think you failed at something, but you're right I should use this experience to think about what it is that I do want.

Angie that's a good point, school does train you for every possible angle, and it overwhelms me and leaves me feeling like I know absolutely nothing about anything by the end of every day. I just have freak outs about all the things I don't know. Instead of looking it as "I'm learning new things" , everytime I learn something new I think "oh I never knew that, there must be a billion other things I don't know!"

I've got a lot of thinking to do, and I've got to find a way out of feeling like this day in and day out..
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
stargazer
post Feb 6 2010, 02:37 PM
Post #8


brown delicious
***
Posts: 2,938
From: here, there, everywhere


Lily_anne, dude. I wish I had a post like the one you made for buttercups when I was going through my educational experience from hell. Your post really helped me to gain a different perspective about this experience. Thank you.

(((buttercups))) I apologize for not responding to your post previous. I think lily_anne gave you excellent advice. Please do not use this experience as a reflect of your skills and competency. I went through a training program which was well known for being excellent. I had all of those feelings you identified during that year. Not sure if I would've been open to the advice to make the decision to leave. I have a fear of failure and the tendency to try to make a bad situation work. In reflection, I should've left during the middle of the training year. I think I realized that I was not a good fit for this place. I had ranked this place as my first choice, but, there was so much conflict and this site was not willing to work with me or reflect on their own limitations. I failed in the end. Ask Zoya how crippled I was by this failure and experience....I was considering taking myself out of finishing my dream with only 1 year away. I allowed this 1 experience to rock my core, my dream, and, most importantly, how I viewed myself.

QUOTE(buttercups @ Feb 6 2010, 12:55 PM) *
Hmm, as far as what I would like to invest my time and effort in, I always thought it was helping people. I have to admit that when I'm with patients I love being around them and I genuinely care about them- maybe too much and maybe it makes me get too emotionally involved a lot of the time.


I get the sense that you truly value working with people. If you want to PM me about what you do exactly (I can understand if you do not want to go into specifics on the boards), then feel free to do so. Maybe this program is not a good fit for you. There are programs all over the country. You can always use this experience to not only figure out what you don't want in a program, but, to also, figure out what you want for you.

If you believe you are taking on too much of your patients' problems, then you might need to step back and look at what you can do to nurture yourself as you continue on in your career. I tell my clients that I can only be as good to them as I am to myself. If I am not taking care of myself, then I cannot take care of them.

Please keep posting in here and letting us know how you are doing.

(((Busties)))


--------------------
"I'm not impressed easily. Wow! A blue car!"-Homer Simpson
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
angie_21
post Feb 6 2010, 12:54 PM
Post #9


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 662
From: Alberta


Hi buttercups,

I assume you've gone through the first two weeks of the clinicals now. how did they go?

you aren't crazy, many people go through this in post-secondary. There's a lot of pressure, and a lot of money and time invested, and in some programs they purposefully push people to their limits to weed out the people who don't really want to be there. It happened to me in my MA program, and I went through about 3 months of intense depression. Looking back, I can't believe I didn't seek some kind of help, I probably needed it, but that's not how I am.

The way to approach this, as hard as it is, is to completely ignore what you have or haven't invested financially and personally, and think only about the experiences you've gone through during your schooling, and whether that is what you want to do. Are the clinicals a lot like what you will be doing career-wise, or are they more difficult? What about the things you do like? In the end, if this isn't what you want to do, continuing and making a lifetime career out of it will only make you more miserable, and you will end up putting more resources towards something you didn't want to do. I've watched people do it more than once. It's not about "quitting" it's about understanding youself, respecting your own limits, and being aware of what you want from life. It's true no one knows very well what they really want. I stayed in school despite my doubts and it worked out well, but I've friends who did the same thing, only to drop out anyways another year down the line. It's an individual decision. If you really do want it, you can push through, but you have to think about it and decide if you do, to give yourself the motivation to work through the hard stuff. There's always some doubts, but right now it sounds like they are overpowering your other feelings toward the program. That doesn't mean your doubts are right, but you have to think about it and evaluate it for yourself. how much longer is the program?

Also, I don't know anything about medical training, but in most academic fields that exist, school is about a million times harder than the job you get at the end of it. School trains you for every possible angle of a subject, and challenges you to think, but work is dull and repetitive and often goes at a slower pace. It's why I keep going back to school. self-punishment, I guess.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
buttercups
post Feb 6 2010, 11:55 AM
Post #10


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 294



Hey Lily Anne,

You're right, a break is definitely something that I really, truly need, but I'm so scared to take one. I always end up jumping into these things and then when it gets really tough a lot of the time I jump out. I even left college after 1.5 years in the middle of the year because I decided I didn't want to be there anymore. I did use the time off wisely to transfer to another school the very next semester, but I guess I don't want to be looked at as the person who always skips out. I know I need a break though, even my body is telling me. I'm so tired and immunocompromised that I just got the flu this week- even after I've had the flu shot. I can tell I'm worn down, but I keep telling myself that all I need is just one full day to relax and recharge. Everyone around me is definitely feeling the same way too, so at least I know it's not just me. My family is definitely getting sick of hearing me complain and being miserable though, so I've vowed not to do that anymore. My mom just keeps telling me that school is the "easy" part and to wait until I get out into the real world where I'm actually responsible for people's health and well-being. I know that and I am scared of that, it's just that at least with work you can leave a lot of things at the office, but with school you go to classes or clinical all day, then when you come home you can't relax and you have to study and push yourself even more until it's late at night. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. I'm not saying that working isnt' hard and stressful, because I'm sure it is and I'm sure I'll discover new-found stress with that, but school just seems to be 24/7 and you can't get away. I used to be a happy person, or at least consider myself as one, and now I feel like I've turned into a depressed, miserable complainer.

Hmm, as far as what I would like to invest my time and effort in, I always thought it was helping people. I have to admit that when I'm with patients I love being around them and I genuinely care about them- maybe too much and maybe it makes me get too emotionally involved a lot of the time. Maybe I'm not going about the right way of wanting to help people. Maybe this way just isn't for me, I'm just not sure how to know that for sure right now. *sigh* or maybe I should suck it up because everyone has problems and no one's life is perfect and I've seen a lot of people in the hospital with way worse problems than school driving them crazy. Maybe I need to keep realizing that there are plenty of worse things in the world. I'm just torn between telling myself to suck it up and stick it out and telling myself to get away from it all. I'm so confused.

Thank you though, you really understand what I'm going through and I really appreciate it.


Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Lily_Anne
post Feb 5 2010, 09:59 PM
Post #11


BUSTie
**
Posts: 77
From: USA


Dear Buttercups,

May I make a suggestion?
There is no doubt what you are going through is terrible. No one should have to go through that.
It sounds to me you are an incredibly intelligent, caring, and strong person. You must be, in order to have survived your program for so long. But you know what? You're miserable. And if you are miserable, it is not your fault but perhaps an indication you could use a break. A break is a rest, so you can better take care of your patients. You could keep plowing through and burn out, and then you wouldn't be taking care of anyone at all. You are not a failure. Taking a break, getting a breath of fresh air, may be a good change of environment for you. I was in a similar situation, and that's what I did. And you know what? Even though it was so, so hard for me to give myself permission to have some space, when I finally stepped away I could feel all that anxiety, hopelessness, exhaustion, and paralysis leaving.

I suspect that if you are having these feelings, some or all of your classmates are too. Perhaps you operate in an environment that does not allow you to express those feelings. That is unhealthy. And I also suspect others have taken some breaks. Do you know what they're doing now? Is there a way to contact them?

Finally, excuse my presumption in saying: sometimes the most renowned schools have the least incentive to examine themselves. After all, they're "the best," right? If you were experiencing the same things at any other school - any other business dealing (which you, as the consumer, have paid good money for) - what would you do? Don't think about what you have invested. That is the past, which cannot be changed. And it is a past that is not wasted. You have learned a skill set and you have learned about yourself. You have learned your limits, and you have surpassed them. But now that you know you CAN push yourself to the breaking point and beyond, what do you WANT to choose for yourself now there is nothing left to prove? What do you want to invest your next bundle of time, energy, and money into? I have the sense from your post that you already know.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
sassygrrl
post Feb 3 2010, 03:33 PM
Post #12


sassygrrl
***
Posts: 2,021
From: Bumblefuck


Depresssion is hitting me hard lately. I know this may have to do with the dog dying, but I'm wanting to just lie in bed all day. I know I should be happy about the wedding, but it seems like another to-do list.

I'm just trying to want to even get up the courage to even go out of the house. I'm feeling useless, fat, and plain ugly.
All these negative thoughts are swirling around, and it isn't helping that my mother keeps calling me telling me she's depressed either.

All these useless thoughts because I'm not working, I feel like a total housewife, and I'm not even sure if I'm ready for marriage.

Fuck. This sucks.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
sassygrrl
post Jan 27 2010, 02:10 PM
Post #13


sassygrrl
***
Posts: 2,021
From: Bumblefuck


((everyone))))

Maybe it's PMS or wedding stress, but I've been in such a funk lately. Crying almost every day. I just feel useless. I'm working on this great wedding, but I don't feel as though I have my life together. I'm unemployed and just feel like shit. I'm feeling so down on myself. I know I should be feeling great that I'm getting married, but I'm just feeling so crappy.

Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
anna k
post Jan 14 2010, 11:42 PM
Post #14


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 1,687
From: NYC


(((buttercups)))

You are so smart and so strong, and you can get through this. You sound really nervous and full of self-doubt, which is understandable, but you have a lot of drive and passion, and can do this.

I'm sending you good vibes.

(((rogue))) I have clothes that make me feel confident, too. When I'm in my apartment wearing tank tops with long necklaces and baggy pants, I feel very strong and self-possessed.

I'm sorry that your friend is going through so much pain. You're a great friend and sister for being so supportive and loving, and I wish her a lot of love and good vibes through her situation, in whatever choice she makes.

Sometimes I want to cry too. I don't know what it is. I had such a happy week last week, and my life is good professionally, I have a great best friend, I have fun casual acquaintances to chat with when I see them, I write a lot, and keep myself inspired by the arts. Yet I still get these drops in my moods, when I feel lonely, or I feel like I want to be light and smiley and outgoing but unless if I'm relaxed and comfortable, it doesn't come easily to me. I warm up when I'm comfortable around someone and can be easygoing and fun, but otherwise I'm reserved and keep to myself. And I get these negative thoughts, and it feels ridiculous and unimportant, so I just try to take my mind off of it by keeping myself busy or seeing how the world is much bigger, and get out of my head. I just hate feeling this way.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
buttercups
post Jan 12 2010, 08:58 PM
Post #15


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 294


Ugh, after many weeks of eyeing this thread, I think it's finally time for a post here. I've been ignoring these feelings for so long and maybe some of you here have been struggling with depression for a long time and can help me or tell me if you think I need to seek some sort of help or if what I'm experiencing is natural.

Basically, I'm completely miserable with my life right now, and I have been for almost 2 years since the crazy school program I'm in started. It's one of those "be careful what you wish for" situations where I got into this amazing school and it was something I never dreamed would happen to me. I was just so happy and thought they must have made some mistake to accept me, but for whatever reason I got in and I thought things would be great..welll...they're anything but. This program has pretty much torn me down in every aspect of the word. There is so much course work that I spend my life being stressed out and wound up, and on top of a million hours of class a week, I also have 2 full days doing clinical with patients. The clinicals stress me out to no end, where I find myself constantly being put on the spot and feeling like I don't know anything or what I am doing. I start 2 new ones this week for the rest of the semester and the idea of going tomorrow has me feeling like I want to puke. I spend all my time feeling nervous, worried, anxious, and depressed. I don't feel up to doing anything and once school break started coming to a close I became really depressed with my life-the whole not wanting to get out of bed thing. I feel so unmotivated and have no confidence. I feel like I really can't do this and I just can't cut it. I've been in this program for too long to quit now, and I've spent wayyyy too much money- but I feel so miserable. I stay up all night worrying about how I'm going to get through this and that, and I keep making myself so upset that I get these awful stomachaches in the middle of the night that sometimes make me throw up. I am constantly feeling sad and irritated and I can't find any long-term relief from these feelings. All I do is complain to my bf and my family, and while I feel bad about doing that all the time, I think I'm really just trying to talk all my worries out bc I'm looking for some reassurance that no one can give me. Over break I became so depressed at the thought of coming back to school and having to go through this stress again that I had brief moments of thinking I didn't want to even be in this world anymore. My bf told me that I should just drop-out, but then I would not only feel like a failure, but like I've wasted so much of my life for nothing. I know if I can accomplish this I'll have a great and challenging job in the future, but I don't know how to get there and the process is just putting me in this deep depression. I've had moments where I'm unhappy with myself and my life and feel sad, but this has just been constant and I can't get it to go away. Am I being irrational? Does this sound like depression? I keep trying to put my life in perspective like "some people are starving and have real problems, stop feeling sorry for yourself" but it doesn't make the feelings stop. Ugh I'm already prepared to stay up all night tonight worrying about my first day at the hospital tomorrow. I'm so scared and so sad. I just want to climb into a black hole somewhere and hide. Am I over-reacting or does it sound like I might have a problem?
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
rogue
post Jan 9 2010, 02:03 PM
Post #16


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 362
From: The Great White North.


No problem, anna. I really do feel that way about you. You seem like just the sweetest little thing. That's not supposed to sound condescending so I hope it doesn't come off that way. It's just how I think. =)

I don't really think of people who are confident to boost my own, but for some strange reason I have items of clothing that make me feel completely confident and badass when I wear them. I don't really know why, though. For instance, I have this jacket I bought when I was in England five years ago, and it's not even a girly, sexy jacket or anything - it's like a football training jacket that's navy with red and white accents - but when I wear it I feel like I could really do some damage. I don't know why. It's my confident clothes, I guess. That sounds weird.

I definitely understand what you mean about being/feeling older. I always think I'm *OMG SO OLD!* now but when I really think about it I realize I'm being a complete idiot over it. I'm twenty five. I'm nowhere near old. It's silly. I feel old at times, but I'm really not and I have to remind myself of that a lot.

Well, I'm having a really shitty day today. It started off great - I went out and went shopping with my best friend, got some more cute clothes (I've been doing a lot of shopping this week what with the after Christmas sales). I'm really a shopaholic. It really is like a drug to me. I don't do it often but when I do, I do it well. I used to shop a lot more when I was in university - I actually blew a whole student loan at the mall one year and had to get another one just so I could finish the school year. I'm not proud of it but you know. Anyway, so my day started out well.

But this morning my best friend told me she's pregnant, about two months along. And she doesn't know what to do because her boyfriend hasn't really ever wanted kids and wants her have an abortion. He's a really great guy and I've always felt a strange kinship with him because he and I don't believe in marriage and don't want kids. This might change for him and I down the road. But right now it's just not the right time for them to have a kid. I don't think she even wants it, but she's terrified to have an abortion. I think she knows it's the right thing for her to do right now but she's afraid that this is her only chance to have a child with him because she thinks he'll never change his mind and she wants to have children someday. It's a hard decision and she's devastated. This girl is my sister in every way, shape and form except for the blood running through our veins. And if it's killing me this much I can't imagine what she's going through.

I don't know. I just feel shitty. Really depressed. I just want to cry or something but I don't know. I've been trying really hard not to cry since breaking up with my ex six months ago because I'm afraid that once I start crying I won't stop, and I don't want to be that girl. I hate crying. I did too much of it for two years and I don't want to do it anymore. It sounds weird. And I'm not even sad that we broke up - it was a good and right thing to do - I just, I don't know. He really damaged me. So I don't want to cry about it.

Bah. I'm sorry this is so long. I just didn't know where else to go to talk it out. I hope everyone is feeling okay. ((((Busties))))


--------------------
Vixi liber et moriar.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
anna k
post Jan 7 2010, 04:17 PM
Post #17


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 1,687
From: NYC


Aithinne, I'm surprised you found that old post of mine! I feel silly talking about my "dewy prettiness," when I'm more looking forward to getting older and gaining more intelligence and being a better person.

rogue, "performing for someone" is really apt. Sometimes it can feel like you're outside of yourself when talking to someone a lot, and almost feel kind of airy. It is a good break to stay in with your tea and music and movies and stay holed-up for a day or two and then re-charge to come back into the world. It sounds so romantic that you were inside with your kitties while the snowstorm raged outside.

And thank you for your lovely compliments. It really made me feel happy inside to read that you think those things of me from my posts. smile.gif

Aithinne, you offer such great advice! Age is great! I know people who say they're old, then I ask their age and they're in their thirties. That's not old to me at all. I'm 26 and getting close to it, and will sometimes feel old, then have to kick myself when people ten years older than me call themselves old.

I don't always feel as shy as I used to be. I've practiced talking more with people I see in my regular life, and it feels like a sweet relief to open up more, smile, laugh, and learn about them, like a gap has been bridged. And getting along well with people I assumed I wouldn't have anything in common with. What's great is when opening up to people and talking after having been quiet/shy for so long, they get surprised that I know a lot about something, or have a new "side." It makes me happy to see them being surprised and happy by that, and it practically opens something up in me that had been closed off before.

Does anybody ever have an image of someone who they feel is confident, self-assured, cool, and carry it inside of them for a sense of confidence or pride? When I walk in the street, I like to think of movie characters and quiet, self-assured "tough guy" types, and to carry that kind of confidence inside. Like Robert DeNiro in Ronin, Jeanne Moreau in her old films, Viggo Mortensen in Eastern Promises, etc. It's more about not feeling like a shy, fearful young woman but feeling steely and strong inside while looking casual and comfortable on the outside.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
rogue
post Jan 7 2010, 05:58 AM
Post #18


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 362
From: The Great White North.


Thanks for the kind words, anna. You're always so sweet and I really love that about you. It was a really nice time to have all to myself. I really am a homebody at times and I do like being alone a lot more than I like being with a large group of people. A lot of the times when I'm with people I know - even good friends - I feel like I'm performing for them and it really exhausts me, so being by myself for ten days just listening to music and doing the things I love to do was really nice. It was also awesome because we had two snow storms when I was off and I had two quintessential snowstorm nights - home in a warm house under a blanket, with kitties curled up around me and a hot mug of tea while the snow fell on the evergreens outside my window. I loved it.

And I totally agree with Aithinne! I definitely appreciate nerds more than "normal" (again, I hate that term!) people. I'm a nerd myself and I appreciate me, but I know it's hard to find other people who do. I hate that. None of my friends are as nerdy and geeky as I am so it's difficult at times (I'm a real book nerd, I read Harry Potter fanfic, and I love movies along the lines of Lord of the Rings and Avatar and shows like Firefly and the like). I literally couldn't find friend I had to go see Avatar with me (thankfully I went with my cousin), so it sucked. I could have went alone, I suppose. Anyway, I know what you mean. It's kind of lonely being a nerd, I think.

And also, I've seen photos of you here in the photo thread and you're freaking gorgeous. I mean that sincerely. I know what it's like to feel like you're not, though - and I get what you're saying, I feel like five years ago I was much prettier than I am now, but you know, whatever. I just hope you know that you are beautiful, inside and out. And what makes you even more beautiful on the outside is that you have a great soul and a great spirit. I can tell that just from your posts here in the Lounge. smile.gif


--------------------
Vixi liber et moriar.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Aithinne
post Jan 7 2010, 03:00 AM
Post #19


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 211
From: USA


QUOTE(anna k @ Nov 1 2008, 02:24 PM) *
I've just been feeling crummy today. I felt bad about being a shy nerd, and felt like I was more dewy and pretty a few years ago, when I wasn't too aware of it, being used to being the awkward nerd, and now I feel old at 25, like my window of "prettiness" has closed.

First of all, being a nerd is NOT a problem. Enjoy the so-called "nerdy" things you find happiness from. Anyone who doesn't like your nerdiness can sit on it and rotate. I love nerds, and search out people who are nerdy about something. It makes them interesting, it shows they have passion, and you're guaranteed to have something to talk about. Hanging out with a "cool" person? Pssh. Sounds like watching paint dry. No thank you. Now being shy, that's something you could work on. But please, don't ditch the nerd. You would be positively dull.

Dewy and pretty? Sounds like a cherub or something with its ass mooning everyone. Lol, just kidding! Your window of prettiness has not closed, m'dear, just become a fine wine. Age makes many things better: cheese, vino, family heirlooms.... you get the picture. Besides, 25? You're only a year older than me. Imagine your 50 year old self coming into the past to this moment in time.... She'd smack you upside the head for sure.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
anna k
post Jan 6 2010, 10:58 PM
Post #20


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 1,687
From: NYC


I'm happy you had such a lovely time auntilulu. It must have felt so fun and refreshing.

rogue, I'm happy you're feeling better. That sounds like a really sweet and private time to have. I spent time like that holed up inside watching episodes of Torchwood, drinking tea, wrapped up in a blanket, and feeling just content to be a homebody. That feels really relaxing and special and intimate, and that's awesome that you felt so good in that time. It inspires me to enjoy private time and not just feel charged by being amongst the public.

(((nakedmolerat)))

It's weird. I've been having a good week lately, yet when it's late at night and I'm stuck with my thoughts, I get down on myself. For instance, I had fun hanging out with a friend of mine on Sunday night, I got great job news on Monday, Tuesday I loved being in dance class, and today I went to a museum, bought a pretty dress that was affordable and made me feel good, wrote a film review that got a good comment on my blog, and got good compliments when I did a boxing class tonight at the gym.

Yet I still get down on myself. I can think that I don't have a full-time job that pays a lot, just a part-time job that pays enough for my bills and rent but isn't much. That I want to support myself more, and not have these self-doubting feelings. Or think that I'm still nerdy and unusual, but trying to love and accept it instead of thinking that it's not right.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

68 Pages V   1 2 3 > » 
Reply to this topicStart new topic
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

 

Lo-Fi Version Time is now: November 26, 2014 - 07:20 PM