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ananke
post Apr 28 2006, 03:21 AM
Post #1


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 266


I'm going to a candle lighting ceremony next week for victims of DV. I'm a little scared. Therapy has been better but more difficult. I'm making progress but some days I just want to hide.
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kittenb
post Jul 31 2006, 07:31 AM
Post #2


There is nothing ironic about Show Choir!
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Posts: 3,261
From: Chicago


A few weeks ago I was speaking in front of several police officers on the topic of sexual assault prevention. As I was coming at it from the perspective that the only person who could truly prevent rape was the rapist and they wanted some sort of magical word/action that an intended victim could do or say to prevent rape, it was in interesting night. At one point, one of the officers asked what advice I would give someone who had been dragged into an alley and was about to be raped. "Don't die," was my response. Every victim/survivor has a long time of questioning her/hiself about what she could have done to make things different. No matter what age the survivor was when the rape or abuse occured. It does not help that even the police look at the problem with a victim blaming mentality. By the end of that talk, I thought I was going to pull my hair out. The district chief told me that he wanted ways to know how to lower the nubers of rapes in his neighborhood. I told him clearly that I did not belive that would ever happen until he knew what the honest stats were and that wouldn't happen as long as so many police officers treated survivors with the blatent disrespect that I saw and heard about all the time at my job. Argh!

I have not been in here this thread for awhile. I have been so caught up in avoiding my own shit, that I couldn't. So, can I make a few comments about some of the stuff that has been posted here. This might become a long post.

cstars- I am so sorry that your friends have been unable/willing to validate your pain. The fact that you were sexual with this person before and/or after is not at all uncommon. You are not alone in that experience and that does not make you stupid or weak or deserving of mistreatment.

maddy29- if you ever want to get me really going on a tirade, just mention the False Memory Syndrome Foundation. Thoes people are evil and should be stopped. I don't know who Mark Pendergrast is, but I'll be looking him up now. BTW, there are some theraputic techniques similar to hypnosis (I am thinking Eye Movement Desensitization) that you might want to look into. You are much more in control that you are when hypnotized. I was very helpful to me.

annake (I hope this was you, I can't bring that part of thread up at this moment)- I am so happy that the honeymoon went so well! A few problems, but you got through it!

pixiedust - I love that you said that to the defense attny. Way to go!

As for me, I feel like I am in a very weird place. For thoes who ever wonder "How long does it take to heal?", well, I have had three rounds of therapy and I work with rape survivors for a living and I know I am still healing. The wound is huge and depsite the fact that I know I have a good life, I know that there are some parts of me that just don't work as well as I want them too. Everyday I remind myself that my pain is valid and my fumbles are just a part of this life. What worries me is that I plan on becoming a full-time counselor for rape survivors within the next year. And yet, my life is a mess in so many ways. Will that perspective make me a better counselor or a possible danger to my clients? I just don't know...




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In times of destruction, create something.
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Posts in this topic
ananke   Survivor's Space   Apr 28 2006, 03:21 AM
pixiedust   Survivor's Space   May 23 2006, 12:46 PM
kittenb   Survivor's Space   May 24 2006, 10:31 AM
nohope   Survivor's Space   Jun 22 2006, 05:11 AM
kittenb   Survivor's Space   Jun 22 2006, 10:35 AM
pixiedust   Survivor's Space   Jun 22 2006, 11:44 AM
maddy29   Survivor's Space   Jun 22 2006, 04:31 PM
hummingbird   Survivor's Space   Jun 22 2006, 05:18 PM
erinjane   Survivor's Space   Jun 22 2006, 08:46 PM
erinjane   Survivor's Space   Jun 23 2006, 04:05 PM
kittenb   Survivor's Space   Jun 23 2006, 07:01 PM
hummingbird   Survivor's Space   Jun 24 2006, 02:53 PM
hummingbird   Survivor's Space   Jun 24 2006, 06:49 PM
kittenb   Survivor's Space   Jun 25 2006, 06:59 AM
ananke   Survivor's Space   Jun 26 2006, 12:01 AM
pixiedust   Survivor's Space   Jun 26 2006, 07:54 AM
maddy29   Survivor's Space   Jun 26 2006, 08:08 AM
maddy29   Survivor's Space   Jun 26 2006, 08:10 AM
erinjane   Survivor's Space   Jun 26 2006, 12:48 PM
pixiedust   Survivor's Space   Jun 26 2006, 01:21 PM
kittenb   Survivor's Space   Jun 26 2006, 01:44 PM
maddy29   Survivor's Space   Jun 27 2006, 11:00 AM
hummingbird   Survivor's Space   Jun 27 2006, 11:31 AM
maddy29   Survivor's Space   Jun 27 2006, 11:40 AM
hummingbird   Survivor's Space   Jun 27 2006, 12:16 PM
maddy29   Survivor's Space   Jun 27 2006, 12:19 PM
hummingbird   Survivor's Space   Jun 27 2006, 03:41 PM
maddy29   Survivor's Space   Jul 6 2006, 01:19 PM
hummingbird   Survivor's Space   Jul 6 2006, 01:37 PM
ananke   Survivor's Space   Jul 7 2006, 01:39 AM
cstars124   [font=Comic Sans Ms]I just have a question for eve...   Jul 11 2006, 10:44 AM
ananke   My rape was very similar. He didn't say it was...   Jul 13 2006, 02:05 AM
maddy29   yep that's rape. he raped you. no two ways ab...   Jul 26 2006, 08:25 AM
cstars124   I'm sorry maddy. :( Is there any type of hypn...   Jul 26 2006, 09:57 AM
maddy29   um, you were in shock? that's why you didn...   Jul 26 2006, 10:06 AM
cstars124   We were in an argument at his apartment and for so...   Jul 26 2006, 10:28 AM
pixiedust   I personally think it is harder to be raped or abu...   Jul 26 2006, 10:35 AM
maddy29   also, friends that don't believe you aren...   Jul 26 2006, 10:56 AM
cstars124   I don't think it's a crazy idea. I've ...   Jul 26 2006, 11:09 AM
maddy29   now i've got myself all riled up. i happened ...   Jul 26 2006, 02:09 PM
erinjane   cstars, I deal a lot with the 'why didn't ...   Jul 26 2006, 02:28 PM
maddy29   such a great point EJ! although i imagine a l...   Jul 26 2006, 04:22 PM
pixiedust   Don't ever think yourself crazy maddy. I have...   Jul 26 2006, 04:33 PM
maddy29   thanks pixie :) it's true, i was like 7 when ...   Jul 27 2006, 08:31 AM
maddy29   Ok kittenb, i'll mention it-FMSF :) Yep, I ch...   Jul 31 2006, 09:19 AM
kittenb   The DNA backlog is still a problem. The funding ju...   Jul 31 2006, 09:40 AM
gumby_cc   Sorry to just jump in. I'm a long time lurker ...   Aug 1 2006, 09:28 PM
maddy29   oh gumby, i'm SO sorry. that's totally su...   Aug 2 2006, 09:57 AM
kittenb   gumby_cc that's a horrible position to be put ...   Aug 2 2006, 11:20 AM
gumby_cc   maddy, i can't even imagine standing in front ...   Aug 2 2006, 06:59 PM
ananke   A very very eeerily similar thing happened to me. ...   Aug 3 2006, 04:16 AM
maddy29   yeah, the truth is, you're right to be afraid ...   Aug 3 2006, 07:10 AM
cstars124   gumby, I was raped by someone i was dating too. An...   Aug 3 2006, 08:17 AM
maddy29   it's interesting how many of us were hurt by p...   Aug 3 2006, 08:27 AM
cstars124   hey maddy, did you ever go to the police or anythi...   Aug 3 2006, 09:42 AM
maddy29   there's a statue of limitations, for people wi...   Aug 3 2006, 11:37 AM
kittenb   Having worked at an HMO for 18 months, I can say r...   Aug 3 2006, 11:50 AM
cstars124   I'm sorry. Unfortunately, I think there's ...   Aug 3 2006, 11:51 AM
maddy29   yeah, i mean i'm supposed to sit there in cour...   Aug 3 2006, 12:13 PM
gumby_cc   haaha, well, my other therapist thinks I have PTSD...   Aug 4 2006, 04:15 AM
cstars124   I have a question for everybody. Has anyone actua...   Aug 4 2006, 06:31 AM
maddy29   verbally? yikes, that's fucking scary. i did ...   Aug 4 2006, 08:11 AM
cstars124   I don't think you're a crazy big liar, mad...   Aug 4 2006, 08:53 AM
maddy29   oh my god cstars. ok, i have a MUCH better underst...   Aug 4 2006, 01:50 PM
cstars124   Well, i'm sure if I told my parents, they woul...   Aug 4 2006, 02:42 PM
maddy29   cstars-how old are you? that sucks that your sist...   Aug 4 2006, 04:05 PM
cstars124   I'm 22. My parents would definitely help me ...   Aug 4 2006, 05:32 PM
maddy29   yeah, i kinda know what you mean. if you put it ou...   Aug 4 2006, 07:31 PM
erinjane   I've never confronted my rapist verbally eithe...   Aug 4 2006, 09:29 PM
gumby_cc   Maddy, I can't imagine how difficult it must h...   Aug 6 2006, 05:49 AM
kittenb   I remember when I was in my first group therapy ti...   Aug 6 2006, 07:46 AM
treehugger   Hi. So I'm just popping in. Maybe to introdu...   Aug 6 2006, 05:09 PM
kittenb   Welcome, treehugger! Thanks for the mojitos. ...   Aug 7 2006, 08:46 AM
ananke   I have been insanely furious this week. Just const...   Aug 8 2006, 02:00 AM
datagirl   For the umpteenth time I am so grateful for this t...   Aug 8 2006, 08:43 PM
catwomyn   Oh man. That is so sad what happened to your famil...   Aug 9 2006, 09:42 AM
treehugger   I hope Treehugger is still here too, and feels l...   Aug 15 2006, 03:10 PM
datagirl   Thankyou Catwomyn, Hugs to all survivers here. ...   Aug 9 2006, 06:07 PM
kittenb   At the risk of sounding melodramatic, realizing th...   Aug 10 2006, 12:09 PM
datagirl   I have no idea how myself or any of the other surv...   Aug 10 2006, 05:36 PM
maddy29   omg datagirl-i've been on vacation for the wee...   Aug 15 2006, 12:51 PM
maddy29   hey datagirl-how are you holding up? just checki...   Aug 23 2006, 11:55 AM
ananke   BREAK THROUGH! For the first time since I was...   Aug 25 2006, 01:59 AM
cstars124   Yay, ananke! That's awesome. Congrats...   Aug 25 2006, 06:49 AM
kittenb   cstars124 - at the risk of sounded like a cliched ...   Aug 25 2006, 09:58 PM
hummingbird   I have come to accept that a lot of my feelings do...   Aug 27 2006, 05:19 AM
erinjane   I'm feeling really angry lately. I just did m...   Aug 27 2006, 09:41 PM
maddy29   wtf? forgive him? why? maybe if he changes his lif...   Aug 28 2006, 11:16 AM
erinjane   I know. On other message boards I've seen peo...   Aug 28 2006, 02:21 PM
datagirl   Hugs to all survivors(((()))))) I've been her...   Aug 28 2006, 08:36 PM
maddy29   erinjane, that makes me feel so sad. all of us ar...   Aug 29 2006, 08:58 AM
hummingbird   erinjane, I go through periods where I am so ragef...   Aug 30 2006, 07:43 AM
erinjane   I love this thread. :) Just wanted to say though,...   Aug 30 2006, 09:46 AM
deschatsrouge   delurk: My rape counselor never told me to forgiv...   Aug 30 2006, 10:25 AM
kittenb   maddy - reporting times will depend on the statute...   Sep 3 2006, 12:44 AM
kittenb   I repeat, my anger is the ONE thing that I get to ...   Sep 3 2006, 11:48 AM
erinjane   Could someone tell me how to ignore? I haven...   Sep 3 2006, 12:40 PM
kittenb   I WANT TO BE ABLE TO IGNORE CERTAIN POSTERS You ca...   Sep 3 2006, 12:51 PM
kittenb   Okay, it really does work, although I still get no...   Sep 3 2006, 12:54 PM
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