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> Mooooving on!!!!!
CharliNye
post Oct 9 2007, 01:50 PM
Post #901


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Posts: 38


Oh dear god I should have my internetting rights revoked.

I made a shitstorm mess of all this a short while ago.

I was taking everyone's advice and calming down. Then him and I were talking today online as he talked of how he does like etc and we got into how all the women his age are very vocal about how wrong this is and how the men though don't seem to have a problem blah blah blah

I went on to say well yeah because all they're really thinking is that you're lucky to be sleeping with some young girl, since they're all married now.

And he finally asked Why do you have SUCH a problem with this??

And I blurted out before just exiting messenger real fast: Because I find it creepy. Because you broke my heart so damn hard it nearly killed me. And that you may do the same to her whether either of you think it will happen or not.

Oh dear. But I meant it. I texted him sorry but I'm too close to this not to feel strongly on it. And then promptly called my only gf I can talk to about it. Who also knows him and finds it creepy as hell. Because I KNOW him I know how he hurt his ex wife with his commitment issues off and on for years. And how he hurt me because of how much he still loved her.

And he wants this day by day but she's young, he still has his life going out with his friends to all hours of the night while she's at home with her family or friends. Jesus.

Anyways, I feel like I"m going to vomit and I feel like such a shitty wife to my husband for even having these issues and feelings. I suck.


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Not a newbie, just a username gone awry.
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nickclick
post Oct 8 2007, 09:49 AM
Post #902


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Posts: 2,134
From: jersey


charli, i'll give ya a *slap*

(and i'm sure i don't only speak for myself to say we've all gone thru the same emotions and thoughts and needed one or two at some point)

get out of the past and into the present. if you've got a good husband and some problems, deal with them, fix them. don't worry about your ex's problems, as much as he may be your friend. that's the biggest perk of a breakup.

it's natural to feel jealous, no matter how happy you are right now. and if you're going thru an especially emotional time already, jealousy is just another emotion to compound on the others.

and if he's dating someone that's a younger version of you, that's kind of pathetic, but flattering!

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zoya
post Oct 8 2007, 09:15 AM
Post #903


uh huh.
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Posts: 1,818
From: the world.


Hi Charli -

I was just lurking in here when your post caught my eye.... I was just talking to my ex the other day for the first time in probably 4 months (we broke up 3 years ago) We still talk, and are still friends - not like bosom, hang out all the time buddies, but we do stay in touch and see what's going on in each others lives.

I can say that I've noticed that when things get kinda crappy in my life, especially if things are going sour with a guy or I'm having personal emotional stuff going on, I tend to want to reach out and call him. I think that it's pretty natural, especially if you were together for a long time and you have managed to stay in touch / stay friends - and like you said you never fully had time to grieve the relationship. I think even people who don't stay in touch with thier exes sometimes have the urge to call them when the going gets tough. That said, I have recognized it and I try not to do it so much - I try to lean on good girlfriends, etc when I'm having a difficult time, and save my calls to him for when - if I'm not in a great place, I'm at least in a bit better state emotionally. Then I have more perspective on why I'm calling him - ie: is it out of habit, or is it because I just want to catch up?

that leads me to the next thing I'm going to say .. the reason that I have to check my motives for calling him, and not just immediately go there is because bottom line, he's not part of my life in that way anymore. I chose that. Charli, he may be part of your life as a friend that you keep in touch with, and I know that you know what he's about and are worried that he's going to break her heart, etc.. but you have to let it go. It sounds like you've told him your piece, now you just have to let it go. You are not in a relationship with him any more, and the good part of that is that if you don't agree with him, if it's making you wound up (which it is) you don't have to make yourself a part of it. You can back off and not be in contact with him for awhile. and that's what I'd suggest you do.

There is nothing you can do about it if he hurts this girl. As shitty as it is to say, that's part of life - we've all had our hearts broken. Hell, I'm going through that right now, and it sucks. If her heart is gonna be broken it's going to be broken, and you can't (and shouldn't, for your own sanity) stop that. Also, he's got other friends who can bug him about it, too. Or else he will learn shit the hard way - on his own.

Sounds to me like what I go thru sometimes (like I said above) when I'm in a shit place in terms of relationships, or money, or just in an unstable time. Even though there were good reasons for me to break up with him, many of which are still part of his personality and life, he still represents a long relationship at a really big transitional point in my life (mid 20s - mid 30's) and there is a certain amount of I guess what is subliminally not wanting to let it go completely, because then that means I have to go it alone. But the thing is - I already am alone! I've already moved on! So I need to act like it and deal with shit on my own.

One more thing - sometimes when I'm in these positions, I try to think about what it would be like if the tables were turned. If your husband had an old girlfriend that he was getting this wrapped up in, and at the same time you guys were going through a bit of a rough patch, would you want him to be focusing on her in any kind of way? I personally would rather that my significant other try to focus on their own life and our life together than to get wrapped up in their ex's deal. (I realize that you and your ex are truly friends, but also remember in terms of your current relationship, he will always be your ex.)

anyway, I dunno if that's a slap, but that's my .02 cents worth...

xo
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CharliNye
post Oct 8 2007, 07:36 AM
Post #904


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Posts: 38


Ok here's something to chew on ladies-I don't ever post in this thread but I decided I had to:

My ex broke my heart, but I also met my now husband at time of breaking up and back then knew something was there I had to pursue. We know have this gorgeous daughter and are pretty happy.

But I still have this strange attachment to the ex. In fact we're still really close friends and talk online a lot. Though we do go through short phases where we DON'T talk. It's been 4 yrs since we split. As a couple friends put it to me-I never had to time to grieve the relationship because I started dating my husband so soon. That and the ex and I stayed friends and talked constantly since day 1 of breakup no matter how tough it was.

Now in that time he married his ex before me(they broke up right before he met me after five years) and two years after they married their divorce finalized. yeesh. Anyways, right now he's dating a girl that is 14 yrs younger then him. He's known her a few years and friends with her family. The girl isn't even of drinking age, at least not for another year.

Here's the thing-I am SERIOUSLY having issues with him dating her. He tells me that he told her he wants a lot of space and that he doesn't want anything serious etc and that SHE wouldn't take no for an answer. I answered back, you're the adult. Say fucking No. All his friends have been telling him this is a mistake and apparently I'm not the only female friend who said "hey I was once this girl, she's naive with stars in her eyes, don't do this be the bigger person, she's going to get hurt no matter how cool she says she is". He won't listen.

I know him. He's going to break her flippin heart. I've seen stuff she's written online saying I love you, you're the best blah blah blah.

Last night I sat here PISSED I mean pissed to the point where I cried(well in my defense I'm also going through a stressful financial time as of this week so it may have been everything rolled up). I just know this is wrong. But at the same time-I'm fucking JEALOUS. Oh my god what is wrong with me???

I thought I was over all this. Yeah I'll always love the guy, I mean truly. I was devastated when it ended but knew it was for the best at that time. But I do love my husband. He's an incredible guy. And this one I know has his quirks that aren't pretty.

So seriously, I'm so angry with him I don't even want to talk to him now. Oh and the CREEPY part??? Two friends who saw her photos online said Uhhh she looks a lot like you. Yeah she does. Her face is eerily similar, she's just a lot younger then me. hahaa

Okeee, so that's my vent. I mean I'm so upset I've been mad since I woke up today. And to top it off I'm pissed at my husband over some stuff that isn't even his fault(we have to move and can't afford to and blah it's a mess).

Someone slap me silly and tell me stop this. gah


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jami
post Oct 1 2007, 02:08 PM
Post #905


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 1,281
From: I'm back to life in California


thank you for the kind words nickclick. I miss them so. they call to give me love and words to keep me going. I miss their hugs.


--------------------
You will travel through the valley of rejection.
You will reside in the land of morning mists.
And you will find your home.
Though it will not be to where you left it.
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nickclick
post Oct 1 2007, 09:40 AM
Post #906


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Posts: 2,134
From: jersey


jami, you should be so proud that your sons are such respectable young men, despite their father's genes and this situation! you really are doing such a good job.
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jami
post Sep 29 2007, 09:19 PM
Post #907


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 1,281
From: I'm back to life in California


thanks. today was weird. prospective buyers came. ex-to-be said no to their offer. said if they don't reach his number, he'll just stay here. **excuse me??** so insane here.
Son is good, I'm better. Older sons back home called me. <sigh> good boys, missing them so much. they give me so much encouragement. ..thanks for the good vibes my way, everybody... ~jami~


--------------------
You will travel through the valley of rejection.
You will reside in the land of morning mists.
And you will find your home.
Though it will not be to where you left it.
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snarky7
post Sep 29 2007, 08:36 AM
Post #908


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Posts: 371
From: If I'm posting, I'm not at Zumba!


thinking of you jami - hoping things are getting better
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jami
post Sep 24 2007, 09:41 AM
Post #909


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 1,281
From: I'm back to life in California


the good vibes worked while I was there. guess it hit me after. yesterday was a bad one, but I'm better now. son is a mess, dad wants a day with him in exchange for tires that were promised last year. great guy, 'eh? don't know how he turned into this. son and I are strong together. he amazes me.
~jami~


--------------------
You will travel through the valley of rejection.
You will reside in the land of morning mists.
And you will find your home.
Though it will not be to where you left it.
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jami
post Sep 20 2007, 09:12 PM
Post #910


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 1,281
From: I'm back to life in California


hello my friends.
what a day. what lies. everything from son telling him that son was told 'in case something happened to me here are my secret bank accounts and passwords, keep this away from dad' says *I* have a jeckyl and hyde personality, prone to vulgar profanties. says I am domineering and son does not want to leave me as I may do bodily harm to myself. .oh.my.gosh. he would not admit to adultery, which is of course true. and wants full custody of son.
my testimony will be next. not a fun day, but over with. for now.
~jami~


--------------------
You will travel through the valley of rejection.
You will reside in the land of morning mists.
And you will find your home.
Though it will not be to where you left it.
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nickclick
post Sep 20 2007, 11:15 AM
Post #911


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 2,134
From: jersey


hi jami, one day down, one to go. keep up the good work, and we'll keep sending the good vibes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

let us know how it all goes tomorrow too.
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jami
post Sep 19 2007, 10:08 PM
Post #912


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 1,281
From: I'm back to life in California


hello there Bustie Ladies...
court was today. tomorrow, too. today in-laws testified against me. ended up they admitted that my 'abuse' to the children was actually a swat when they deserved it. and while they stated I was verbally abusive to my husband, they could not remember one instance. they have stories well rehersed, though, sometimes giving answers before the questions were completed. mom would not look at me when they were bad-mouthing me. I think she has feelings for me, but she's so browbeaten by her husband... nice to know. I always liked her, ya know. husband testifies against me tomorrow.
I have a friend who said that she would pray for angels to be at my side and a golden cloud to bounce the negativity from me. I think it worked, too. while the lies were hard to hear, it didn't crush me.
and it seemed like my just being calm upset husband so much. he was actually shaking!
~jami~


--------------------
You will travel through the valley of rejection.
You will reside in the land of morning mists.
And you will find your home.
Though it will not be to where you left it.
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jami
post Sep 17 2007, 01:23 PM
Post #913


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 1,281
From: I'm back to life in California


yea for Nick. looking fab and knowing it.


--------------------
You will travel through the valley of rejection.
You will reside in the land of morning mists.
And you will find your home.
Though it will not be to where you left it.
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nickclick
post Sep 17 2007, 07:23 AM
Post #914


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 2,134
From: jersey


~~~~~~~~~~~ good vibes for jami to get thru wednesday and thursday, and hopes for friday to come quick! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

jami, you'll do fine, as usual!

saturday was better than expected, or at least anticipated. thanks so much for the well wishes. yes, exactly as you said, whitelighting. for some reason, time makes you forget those flaws! so i was actually glad to have that slap in the face, back to reality. and seriously, that visual of mr.nick actually sitting next to my ex! it was like, thank goddess i had the strength to leave one and the good fortune to meet the other.

btw, she did look cute, but i looked cuter!
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jami
post Sep 16 2007, 10:31 PM
Post #915


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Posts: 1,281
From: I'm back to life in California


Nickclick - how did Saturday go? thinking of you.
...asking once again for prayers and good vibes... court is on Wednesday and Thursday. all day both days.
this is going to be a big one.
~jami~


--------------------
You will travel through the valley of rejection.
You will reside in the land of morning mists.
And you will find your home.
Though it will not be to where you left it.
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whitelightning
post Sep 15 2007, 11:51 AM
Post #916


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Posts: 93


nickclick - i know what you mean...i have serious insecurities when it comes to other women sometimes. but more often than not, i find that my jealousy and insecurities are amplified when i don't even know who the woman is. it's like i build up this image in my head that this woman is everything i am not. then if i actually meet or see them, they're much more human, boring and flawed than what i was conjuring up in my head.

but remember this...even if she were a talented, gorgeous siren with an aura of blue golden light around her - she's still stuck with your ex! ha! you are in a far better place and good things will come to you if you focus on that.
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jami
post Sep 14 2007, 04:35 PM
Post #917


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From: I'm back to life in California


Nickclick. thanks. you did make me smile.
today is not a good one. it's cold, the furnace does not work and there is no firewood. been working on documents for way too long. <sigh> gotta get off the pity pot.
and Nick - you are fabulous. you shine. you will outglow the candles on her cake.
~jami~


--------------------
You will travel through the valley of rejection.
You will reside in the land of morning mists.
And you will find your home.
Though it will not be to where you left it.
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nickclick
post Sep 12 2007, 01:38 PM
Post #918


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From: jersey


jami, this should make you smile.... 6 months! and as of today, it's 5 months and 30 days! it will end. a better life awaits. all of this won't matter a bit when you happily living the next chapter of your life.

i've been whining about this in the friends thread, so sorry for the repeat.... my friend invited my ex and his girlfriend to her birthday party, which is this saturday, and an event she makes a huge deal of each year, so i'm sort of obligated to go (although she'll get a talkin' to after, but that's not for this forum).

i need words of encouragement (to go along with much hard liquor) to get me thru the nite. i'm afraid no matter how much rational self-esteem i arm myself with (ie i dumped HIM, she's dating what i didn't want, etc), the stupid girl in me is gonna be all insecure the minute he walks in looking cuter than i remember, or she's wearing a pretty skirt or something. i know, der, but gimme somthin'!
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jami
post Sep 11 2007, 10:47 AM
Post #919


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Posts: 1,281
From: I'm back to life in California


Hi Nickclick. I wish it would end soon. he's delaying at every moment. trial won't be for at least another six months.
today is not a good one. she spent the night, and right now they are not 250 ft from me. it boggles the mind. son just pretends, tries not to take notice when they go out to dinner. (we can't afford it)
somebody tell me something to make me smile!!!!!!!!!


--------------------
You will travel through the valley of rejection.
You will reside in the land of morning mists.
And you will find your home.
Though it will not be to where you left it.
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nickclick
post Sep 10 2007, 07:37 AM
Post #920


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 2,134
From: jersey


jami, looks like more and more wins for your side, finally. it'll all end well, and more importantly end, soon.

whitel, yeah i wouldn't close the case, but file it away for the possible future, and call it bad timing. in the meantime, meet some new men and have fun!
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