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> Frustrated Singles
greenbean
post Jul 13 2007, 11:28 AM
Post #561


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 954


Yeah Erinjane! Tell us about it!

Has anyone seen Broken English with Parker Posey? I saw it the other day (by myself thank gawd, it hit too close to home)..anyway I don't know if it was tragic or hopeful. If you don't know what its about, its another "30-something big city gal has everything but love" kinda movie, but its pretty good and a bit more edgy than other chick flicks. There is a scene where a man says that basically some people settle, and other people keep looking for magic...but that people who hold out for magic don't always find it. Gah. Made me really think about myself being single and if I don't find what I think I'm looking for in say, ten years,.. will I settle or go on being alone?


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I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.--John Waters
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Muffy
post Jul 12 2007, 12:56 PM
Post #562


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Posts: 217
From: Rhode Island


erinjane, goood luck girl!


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erinjane
post Jul 11 2007, 01:03 PM
Post #563


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Posts: 1,301
From: Winnipeg


My 10 month dry spell (and I do mean DRY - no so much as a date, kiss, or innocent fliration) may have an end in sight at last. Let's just hope I don't fuck it up.


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I Could Tell You Stories That Would Make Your Ears Curl
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Muffy
post Jul 7 2007, 09:25 PM
Post #564


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Posts: 217
From: Rhode Island


xexyz, goooood luck, I've met a few people off of OkCupid who were well, okay... I just met someone who seems like at least a fun summer fling, we'll see...
I hope your luck is better than mine.


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stargazer
post Jul 7 2007, 06:13 PM
Post #565


brown delicious
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Posts: 2,938
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good luck xexyz! there used to be an online dating thread here... let us know how it goes.

rossa, i *think* the frustration part of being single is when you have other people (family, friends, coworkers...heck, even strangers) telling you how great you are and don't see a problem with why you wouldn't get dates. and here you are, um, single, thinking "if i'm considered a catch, then why am i not in a relationship." and trust me, those thoughts come and go for me often, but i just keep going along. keep doing your thing!


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"I'm not impressed easily. Wow! A blue car!"-Homer Simpson
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xexyz
post Jul 7 2007, 05:52 PM
Post #566


BUSTie
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Posts: 72


*deep breath*

So I finally got enough guts to create a profile on okcupid. We'll see how that goes. unsure.gif
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rossa_b
post Jul 6 2007, 09:19 PM
Post #567


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Posts: 2


Thanks Stargazer & Muffy - I don't know if I should of said “any advice?" b/c @ this point - what advice can anyone give me that I don't already know? But I thank you for the words - it's just refreshing to know that other ladies go thru the same thing...granted maybe not as long tongue.gif but we all feel the pain. I was hanging out with my Auntie for the 4th of July, and she’s single, she was married young but the guy cheated on her, her 2nd marriage was a joke - as she puts it. And although she "dated" this one guy for like 15 years - (on again off again) he didn't know what he wanted. (I guess his seeing someone else now) And his like 60! So, I guess men never grow up. My point being, she's happy and single. At least I hope that is true. She’s a confident strong minded very opinionated woman, and I love her to death! And if men are intimidated by those characteristics, then I'd rather be single and frustrated. (@ least I’ll keep telling myself that)

Thanks again ladies -


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"What wisdom can you find that is greater than kindness?"
Jean-Jacques Rousseau, French philosopher (1712-1778)
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stargazer
post Jul 2 2007, 08:30 PM
Post #568


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rossa, yeah i've been told that i'm intimidating by men, but i don't really focus on it too much anymore. i know the person i am and i don't take that statement to be a negative reflection of who i am.

i'm sorry, but i don't have the answers either. or any advice. i just figured that i will meet someone when i meet him. it doesn't make sense to frustrate myself over being single.


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"I'm not impressed easily. Wow! A blue car!"-Homer Simpson
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Muffy
post Jul 2 2007, 10:59 AM
Post #569


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 217
From: Rhode Island


rossa_b, Its okay its been years since I've had sex. I agree. I want quality over the first person who'll take off their pants. Though like you, there are days when I feel like I'm missing something by being single and not ever really having a long lasting relationship even at 30... Most of my friends are in relationships so I tend to feel like the odd girl out.

I think we if we knew the true 'secret' to meeting people we probably be here bitching about being single. I wish I could offer you some good advice.



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rossa_b
post Jul 1 2007, 09:09 PM
Post #570


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Hello Busties – I haven’t been on here in so long. After spending ½ an hour trying to retrieve my password I finally said screw it and set up another account. So, now I’m really frustrated. GRR.

Believe me I have a lot of frustration. I wanted to catch up on all the postings before I sat down & wrote. I have to say, I can relate to sooo many of you and feel your frustration! I haven’t seen Kittenb post in awhile – I thought what you said “I just think that the honest desire to share and give and not just take is something that makes all of us in this thread frustrated singles. Far too many people are willing to take and too many people give to those people and are taken advantage of.” Is so true!

I’ve never been in a real relationship, (I understand Anna_K) I have a lot of trust issues. When I was in my 20’s I dated a lot, and I’ve only had 2 lover-a’s I’ve concentrated so hard on work, and school, and work and work. That my love life always took the backseat or I should say “lack of” love life. Either way, it was not my priority. I’ve seen so many women lose their selves in the obsession of finding someone that they end up losing themselves, especially when they’ve finally nabbed a guy. At any rate, I don’t want this to end up a very long rant – b/c it will be. But it’s late and I want to sleep.

Well – it’s easy to meet a guy – but to meet a man? Where have all the good men gone? I just moved back to the mid-west, and after a very long year of family trauma, I’m finally reflecting on myself. Things are calmer for me family & work wise (not doing what I really want – but it pays the bills) and all the friends I had are off and married. And before you freak out before I mention this – I did have one encounter with a guy briefly but no sex – he lived 3000 miles away, so why bother I thought. I didn’t want to get emotionally attached. Which I did. But he wanted to be saved – and I couldn’t do that. I wasn’t his mother! Anyway…5 years ladies!!!!! 5 years!!!! OMG. It’s been 5 years since I’ve had sex with a guy. My close friends know this and think nothing of it, they say I’ll find someone. And to keep my standards. But I’m not gross; I don’t have a hump on my back. I’ve been told I’m intimidating (by guys) but funny and cute. So WTF? What is a girl to do? I’ve tried the online thing but it seems they are only looking to get laid. I’m 32. Over the bar scene and the mind games. UGGGGG!!!

Any advice?

Ps. don’t feel bad for me, yes 5 years is a long time – but if I really wanted to get laid – I’m sure I could have gone to some bar. But it’s more than that. I feel I’m missing out on something that everyone else is experiencing but for whatever reason I’m inept on grasping.


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"What wisdom can you find that is greater than kindness?"
Jean-Jacques Rousseau, French philosopher (1712-1778)
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Muffy
post Jul 1 2007, 07:33 PM
Post #571


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Posts: 217
From: Rhode Island


Peggy-in-FL, I find that being interested in women seems to make men want me more... so I guess acting like you don't give a two shits if they pay attention works though, that seems like really bad advice and I'm not so sure I recommend it.
Have you thought about joining something in your community where you can meet other people that enjoy the same things as you? just a thought.


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Peggy-in-FL
post Jun 29 2007, 09:31 PM
Post #572







How do you attract men?
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Moonpieluv
post Jun 19 2007, 07:07 AM
Post #573


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Posts: 354
From: barebacking a pink fuzzy unicorn


Hey star... I know. I know. I wasn't really expecting it to be "the one" situation honestly. But it proved to be a great experiment with online dating, as well as a test of how physical chemistry works. Funny how you can tell these things within the first two minutes. It's all too weird. But I bought some great tunes, had a nice light lunch with mimosa, and met a new friend with almost unlimited access to grad. school info.

I also think the date further proved that my self-esteem/self-worth is in fact improving, but perhaps still a little wibbly-wobbly right now. My mom (my bestest confidante) says I'm in a state of metamorphoses and will hopefully emerge a butterfly. My aunt says that if I just sit still, stay calm, and be happy that way... eventually a butterfly (a good man) will land on my shoulder. What's up with the butterfly metaphors? Well, I am southern and I do love Dolly Parton.

I guess I'm trying to focus on self-love more so than anything. With that means a more tranquil state of being, making sure not to come off as boastful (which indicates insecurity or is miscontrued for self-confidence at times), and doing what I can to make myself happy, feel like a better person everyday. That's the only sure-fire way to let go of frustration, i think. I truly don't think I've reached that level of self-love enough to take on a full-blown relationship.

As for mr. div, yeah... my dumb-ass town is chalk full of blabber mouth hypocrites. I'm not ready to let anyone know that we are officially dating, that is, my closest friends know but.... dunt dun dahhhhh, hmmm? could it be because I DON'T want a relationship if we are sneaky sneak? herr... my roomie had expressed his distaste of our potentially dating a while back when he came to our house for an after-party cocktail. Now, in the three times we have hung out (not in our "hood") he drops me off around the corner so my blabby roomie won't see. He has actually revealed me to his bestest friends in the whole world by inviting me over to their cocktail hour. They welcomed me and told me how he must really dig me cause he hasn't done that with his other dates. Anyways, My friends have their strong points and claim how non-judgmental and "family" they are, but I feel like I'm in friggin high school or something. ugh. And I mainly fear that I'm setting myself up as a rebound, the bridge relationship, ya know?
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stargazer
post Jun 18 2007, 02:47 PM
Post #574


brown delicious
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Posts: 2,938
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oh rats, moonpieluv. you know what? sometimes, i wonder if i build more into things than there really are there. expectations are a bitch. and the disappointment sucks even more.

i hear your frustrations though. it is hard to keep a brave face of "i love being single" and not wanting to sound whiny about "i want a relationship." but, truth be told, i don't really have time for one right now...i'm moving in a couple of months. and as the time moves on, for me, i'm getting ok with that choice. oh well. just taking time for myself.

so, moonpieluv, cause of his divorce...you can't let anyone know you are dating?? i'm confused. it sucks to have to keep things so private.


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"I'm not impressed easily. Wow! A blue car!"-Homer Simpson
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Moonpieluv
post Jun 18 2007, 10:05 AM
Post #575


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 354
From: barebacking a pink fuzzy unicorn


Update y'all:

Why I worry myself over myself and pretty much everything... I don't know.
So this guy...

I knew within the first two minutes that there just wasn't any romantic chemistry...
And come to find out, I think I intimidated him! He feels like he hasn't experienced enough in his life because he went straight into a professional job... following the "correct" path his parents instilled in him. And his job that seemed so neato and what-not really wasn't as interesting as what I made it out to be....

I think our only point of reference or what we had in common was music. Other than that, I've just seen and done a lot more things, more well-rounded, that is.... and I think that's what he's trying to do now whereas I'm ready to settle it down a bit (in terms of partying,etc.).

So the experiment worked and I learned from it. Now I have a new friend as a collegiate resource.

Other news and rants:

The recently divorced dewd is just so damn awesome. This sucks. We get along so well, have lots of things in common, genuinely like each other. He makes me feel good about myself... But we have this sneaky sneaky thing and I hate it! This town is so damn small and makes assumptions and over-exaggerates the facts... gossipy. that I don't see how we are to play this cool. I went out last night and was sent this hilarious pix/audio clip text, which couldn't be muffled in the car with them. When asked who is was from and I said my friend (insert).... damn. I had had a few beverages of course and let it slip (which is stupid within itself cause there really shouldn't be anything wrong with him being my friend but as I said... people make assumptions and talk).

I'm frustrated because all my friends are in relationships. and I'm the odd man out, or at least, that's how they make (or allow myself) me feel sometimes. And I hate this sketchy business...but I dig him.

I know what I gotta do. i'm just frustrated.

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Moonpieluv
post Jun 15 2007, 01:27 PM
Post #576


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 354
From: barebacking a pink fuzzy unicorn


Thanks for the support, my dears! I'm nervous and giving myself pep talks---cause he seems more goody-goody, and although I'm kind-hearted and sweet and smart and what not, I have been little wildcat in the past. Hopefully those little details won't be a deterrent.

We did speak on the phone last night and our conversation was really quite fluid... hard to tell if he was judging... He starts school soon and is going to Europe July 1st... so I think this just a fun little thing for him.

Also, He could turn out to be totally cocky, or superficial.... I don't know and that's okay. I'm going to try it out and see, with all the confidence my little artsy-fartsy self can muster. I see this as an opportunity to learn about myself, accept myself and present it as human, varied, well-rounded, and well.... ME. If it doesn't work out, at least, I've broken the ice with go-getter dewds as opposed to '77 punk icon wannabe's. Or, ((Nick)), better yet.... TOY's R US kids!! haha. New territory takes practice, right?

ahem.... this is an online dating situation and yes, we are meeting in a public place. a quaint frenchy restaurant to be exact.

(butterflies) (pep talks)

thanks again!!!
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stargazer
post Jun 15 2007, 01:26 PM
Post #577


brown delicious
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good luck moonpieluv!! tell us how it went!!


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"I'm not impressed easily. Wow! A blue car!"-Homer Simpson
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Muffy
post Jun 15 2007, 12:50 PM
Post #578


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 217
From: Rhode Island


Moonpieluv,
I say if he wanted to go out on a date with you, you've already got his interest... if he the right guy or at least a nice one he won't care about how much money you have.
good luck!


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nickclick
post Jun 15 2007, 10:36 AM
Post #579


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 2,134
From: jersey


moonpie, you'll be fine! you're obviously smart and fun. and he obviously wants to go out with you!

but i hear ya on that worry. mr.nick is from a richy-rich town and he has a doctorate. (so actually, he's dr.nick!) i'm from a dirty shore town and have a bachelor's. i was worried at first too. but he said he was also worried i'd think he was pretentious or snooty. appearances aren't everything. his family's just as middle class as mine. his lawyer friends are just as dorky as my office job friends.
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Moonpieluv
post Jun 15 2007, 09:49 AM
Post #580


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Posts: 354
From: barebacking a pink fuzzy unicorn


Sassy, erin---- I wholeheartedly agree/concur with what you are saying. It's just not friggin worth wasting our time with someone that doesn't coincide with our needs. If you've experienced anything like me, I have long given too much energy to guys who couldn't provide me with the intimacy, maturity, passion, partnership, consideration I needed. Silly thing is... I wasn't asking for much. and settled for whatever I could get out of him. Poop on that!!!! I've since been reconstructing my self-confidence that I can in fact happen upon someone who will "fit the bill", someone I can use my love of vocabulary and varied activities.... someone who has the intuition to notice what I may need before I even do at times. Dern it.... i have no unaccomplishable goals in this matter. My standards do need to be higher.

I'd rather just get my ducks in a row first. But, ((Samiam)) it does suck when you have to carry or put together or whatever something that would be helpful with a second person, male or female, around. Doing chores does take a lot longer... but look at it this way... it's mainly your own germs you're cleaning from the toilet...and that ring around the shower...

PLEA FOR REASSURANCE: *As an experiment* in my quest in strengthening my self-confidence, acceptance of my past and who I am, self-worth blah blah.... I have a date with a guy tomorrow who has quite the impressive "life" resume, will be attending an Ivy League in the Fall, and seems well-off and with-it on his very own.

I did some things differently after college (i.e. didn't go straight into a professional job) and I feel I'm way behind in the financially and educationally stable dept. (not lacking in cultural experiences however)... I feel intimidated. He seems to come from a wealthy well-to-do family whereas mine is a very southern.. father pulled himself up by the bootstraps out of near poverty and got thru college...etc.
So the socio-economic thing kinda makes me nervous. fear of rejection. sigh.

I know that I have something to bring to the table... my confidence is just a little wobbly cause I feel like I've only dated losers.

help. unsure.gif
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