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> FRUSTRATED with ex
edie52
post Jul 24 2006, 12:47 PM
Post #21


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 1,011
From: back home


Thanks for the reply, psychicfemme.

It's funny that you say it sounds as if he's more into me... it was always the other way around in the relationship, and he was the one who broke up with me. Now, I think we're both unsure to some extent... there's obviously a lot of love between us, and neither of us has had much success in dating since we broke up.

Those are really good questions... kinda what I've been turning over in my head since I found out about this. I like who I am better now, and feel like a better person in general, so I guess that should be my answer, right? Well, things are rarely that simple... since we broke up I've become more independent, more ambitious, and learned to focus more on my friends and myself. My life is generally more balanced, though far from perfect. I guess what I'd like is if I could retain that and be in a relationship at the same time. My big question is whether it's possible to get back together and not fall into the same patterns.
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psychicfemme
post Jul 24 2006, 11:24 AM
Post #22


BUSTie
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Posts: 90


Hi Edie. Well, yeah, it's pretty clear he wants you back. My sense though is you're not really clear on your feelings about him and about the relationship. My question to you would be could this be maybe about the convenience of having someone familiar back in your life? I guess I'm not sensing that you're that into him, or feel too serious about things. It might be helpful for you to ask yourself a couple of simple, basic questions about the relationship. First, did you like who you were in the relationship? Second, were you a better person in the relationship than out of it? Hope that is helpful to you. Let me know if you'd like to chat more. smile.gif
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edie52
post Jul 24 2006, 08:00 AM
Post #23


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 1,011
From: back home


Hey all... I've been away for so long, I've come crawling back cuz I need some advice!

Lately my ex and I have been seeing a lot of each other (we were together for a few years, broke up last year). He bought me an expensive gift last week and came over with groceries to make food together. Last night I went to his place and we watched movies on his bed and played piano. Anyway, I was finally at a point where I could accept that we weren't going to be together anymore and could do these things as friends, when a mutual friend let me know that he'd told her that he was still in love with me and was going to try to win me back. However, it was 2 months ago that he told her that (right after I left on a 2 month trip). I wish she hadn't told me that... now I don't know what to do... make a move, wait for him to make a move, talk to him about it, or try to forget it. I think he may have changed his mind, decided we're better as friends, as nothing's happened yet. I don't even know if I want to get back together- part of me wants to at least try again, maybe it could be different with a year of new experience and independence behind us. I definitely want to talk to him about it, but I don't want to make our friendship awkward and sad the way it was for so long after we split. And part of me wants to just put myself out there and do something really romantic.

Sorry for the ramble... hope someone out there has some advice for me.
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knorl05
post Jul 14 2006, 10:02 PM
Post #24


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 819
From: detroit rock city


platinumbetty- of course, glad i could provide some insight.. ive got a lot of experience in this dept so its good that i can put it to use outside of my own life! the number one thing i've learned.. is that no matter what, do not allow a man to control your feelings. always maintain. if he wants to be with you great. if not, oh well.. he cant be controlled. when we try to make guys be something they are not, is when we find ourselves acting the fool. at least i've seen that in myself anyway. find yourself a guy that has the qualities you admire and want to be around.. look at him for who he is already. keep it simple and you'll find the guy who makes you happy.


--------------------
We adore chaos because we love to produce order.
- M.C. Escher
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platinumbetty
post Jun 23 2006, 05:29 PM
Post #25







knorl05 - thank you so much. that is exactly what I think. He only wants me now until he would have me. He'll never change. You summed it up perfectly, and your point hit me like a mack truck.
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knorl05
post Jun 21 2006, 10:35 PM
Post #26


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 819
From: detroit rock city


platinumbetty: because men are just big boys who dont know which toy they want to play with. seriously, is it GI joe today or playstation? that's why if you really want to be with him, the best thing you can do is focus and invest in yourself. boys like him never change. they like a woman who is into her own thing and makes him work hard for her attention. i can say that he is working this hard to get you back because he doesnt have you. but once things settle back into the way they were before, it will end up the same way. you cant expect that he's changed, but you can change the way you interact with him. you decide what YOU really want, it's not about what he wants. this is your life, and he obviously feels lucky to have you in his. you have to make the best decisions for yourself.. if he benefits from that.. good for him.


--------------------
We adore chaos because we love to produce order.
- M.C. Escher
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platinumbetty
post Jun 19 2006, 04:32 PM
Post #27







My ex-husband is calling me everyday. We have been apart for four years. He recently split with his girlfriend and has now decided he wants to get remarried. He has gone so far as to found a job I qualify for near him.

Why do some men play these games?
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p_176
post Jun 6 2006, 08:41 PM
Post #28


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 532
From: Baltimore


pepper - next time he blows kissy kissy at you, throw an inflatable doll at him.
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pepper
post Jun 5 2006, 07:00 PM
Post #29







AAARRRGGGHHH!! i had to see him the other day to get back some of my stuff (which he conveniently "forgot" anyhow) and when i was leaving he made air kisses at me and casually said "i love you" like nothing had changed at all.
WTF!!! we've been apart for three freaking months already, wtf. don't make kissy faces at me, just DON'T.
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knorl05
post May 26 2006, 11:07 PM
Post #30


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 819
From: detroit rock city


cstars124: he just stopped calling you? how disrespectful. even if you guys were only friends and not sleeping together, the least he could do would be call. it shows how much he cared then. sure he may realize how amazing you are now that you've cut him off completely .. but that's typical guy behavior and reaction. dont get sucked in. if you're looking for booty, you will have no trouble finding it. just consider what could happen to your heart down the road. dont give him the power or the upper hand. you deserve more than that.


--------------------
We adore chaos because we love to produce order.
- M.C. Escher
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msgoofball
post May 26 2006, 02:22 PM
Post #31


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 322
From: Agoura, CA


there's trouble....right here in rivercity.....dum dum dum...sing with me.....

cstars124...why even bother....??? ex-asshat booty is no good. and any attention to pay towards him may come off the wrong way...ya hear me!?!? just my $.02.


sings...."a change...will do you good...."
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cstars124
post May 26 2006, 01:36 PM
Post #32


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 179
From: Providence


I have a question for everyone!

My ex and I broke up back in August last year kinda unofficially when I moved to another state maybe only like an hour away. But he was an ass, and just stopped calling me (and he didn't have a phone so i couldn't even call him or anything). Eventually, when I did talk to him, I told him it was bullshit and I ended it. Since then, he's been contacting me via email and myspace and crap telling me that he still loves me, he's really sorry, and at one point, he even mentioned that he wouldn't mind getting together for a hook-up.

My feelings for him are pretty much dead. I can honestly say that I don't love him like I did while we were dating, esp since I found out that he hit on a few of my friends while we were dating (although he swears up and down he didn't). I definitely don't want to get back together with him AT ALL...but it's been almost a year and i've been booty-less...would it be soo bad to just give in and hook up with him, or am I totally setting myself up for trouble?

Sorry for the long post. Thanks!
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autumn24
post May 14 2006, 01:29 PM
Post #33


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 487
From: Boston, MA


Katie,

Yeah, this is the weird thing with this guy: he IS a nice person, and I know he loves and respects me and that I'm one of his favorite people. The problem is, is that there is a GINORMOUS maturity gap between us. There's a slight age gap, but not really (he's soon to be 28, and I am 31, no big deal), but after almost 2 years of being with me, I NEVER saw him (he works 3 crazy jobs with a weird schedule, is in two bands) and just got so frustrated with his lack of BEING there and wanted more time with him. The more I demanded of him, the more resentful he got, the more he distanced himself from me, the more pissed off I got. In retrospect, I should have backed off a lot more and gotten into my own thing and not invested so much in the outcome of this relationship. And HE should have not been a dick towards the end and started being totally unappreciative and a cold asshole to me. Now, with space, of COURSE, he appreciates me once again. And with space, I can now see that I was being demanding of someone who honestly was giving it their all... just not MY version of it.

The dude constantly surrounds himself with friends and people and activities and barely has time to himself. I'm busy, too, but I could never go at quite the pace he sets himself at, so I always had plenty of time by myself, especially since he wasn't around much.

Sigh. It's just too fucking bad. The whole thing has made me totally question my conception of relationships and committment and all that junk. Especially since all my friends are either engaged or living together, and I was constantly comparing my relationship to theirs. When we broke up, my ex said he, unlike myself, didn't view our relationship as a failure, and he said, "for what's considered a successful relationship, one that ends in marriage?" And I don't really know the answer to that question. I guess for me, it's, one that doesn't end even though there are problems that can be worked on. I'm beginning to think that my relationship with him was all bad timing, or something.

It's hard to know what to do or what to say, when he text messages me with kisses and hugs and sweet dreams... the emotions are still there, but the desire to be in an actual relationship aren't because I feel, in some way, that we are falling back to old affectionate patterns that make it easy for us to not make that committment (ie sleeping together, etc.) He keeps saying everytime we're together and affectionate and I start to question things, that he doesn't want to confuse me or fuck with my head. I think we're doing a fair amount of that already, and it's not fair to either one of us. I'm thinking of telling him he can't send me texts anymore or contact me, but it's HARD. If we're broken up, we're broken up.
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katiebelle2882
post May 13 2006, 06:47 PM
Post #34


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 647
From: NYC


hey autumn, what confuses me so much is that he seems like a good guy (from all that you have said) and part of me thinks that he really still has feelings for you. i know people ave been mentioning that hes just being a dick and using you, but i think that may be too easily dismissing his feelings. i am not saying that you should get back together with him, it was just kind of something that popped into my mind about the whole situation. either way, you need to do whats best for you, and i know you can do that!


--------------------
“There's something about the Irish that is remarkable.”-François de la Rochefoucauld
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autumn24
post May 13 2006, 06:01 PM
Post #35


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 487
From: Boston, MA


Yeah, this is an ex thread, and I like it this way... though I realize the two can sometimes mesh.

My ex and I are having WAY too much sex. Like, once every other week. He contacts me, calls me, asks to do stuff with me, text messages me constantly, DOES really helpful shit for me, tells me he loves me and that I've his favorite girl in the world and generally won't let go. Neither one of us are seeing or sleeping with anyone else. Granted, I'm not helping in the department because I keep responding to him, and sleeping with him on occasion, but am now thinking that I really really need to have the "we can't have this type of relationship anymore" conversation. We both can't let one another go. He ended the relationship two months ago, yet can't leave me alone. I haven't told him to, either. So it's just as much my fault, I realize. I feel like we're both taking advantage of one another.
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knorl05
post May 10 2006, 09:55 PM
Post #36


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 819
From: detroit rock city


ps. that was an attempt to amend my error. ;)


--------------------
We adore chaos because we love to produce order.
- M.C. Escher
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knorl05
post May 10 2006, 09:49 PM
Post #37


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 819
From: detroit rock city


i think moovin on targets specifically the topic of moving on and how to deal with it... this one addresses the issue of our ex's not letting us go, not letting us move on. i think there's a difference. i understand the need for moderation, but sometimes there are issues or concerns that we dont feel are being addressed in pre-existing threads.

so then is the best plan of action to run ideas by as the world turns before posting? thx.


--------------------
We adore chaos because we love to produce order.
- M.C. Escher
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jazmyn13
post May 6 2006, 11:02 AM
Post #38


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 100
From: California


hey ladies, not to be a bustie police but thi whole thread should be over on Mooooovin' on. I don't know how to bump but we try not to creat too many threads. I promise you, there are lots of frustrated women on that thread; i'm one of them!
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frogger
post May 5 2006, 08:18 PM
Post #39


Newbie
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Posts: 6


we had a 'mutual' break up SO that we could remain friends while away at school
the whole friend think worked out for about five min. i kept getting mad at him
and now that im fine he keeps getting mad at me
damned if you do damned if you dont
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sassygrrl
post May 4 2006, 09:41 PM
Post #40


sassygrrl
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Posts: 2,021
From: Bumblefuck


Oops. I was having a bad day (had a horrible interview), and ran into the ex at the library. We decided to go back to my house. Had this amazing sex, and now he wants me back. He started crying....

I think he was just realizing what a schmuck he was. I told him that I wasn't going to date anyone who didn't have a job. Or was responsible.

I don't know if I want a friend with benefit. I don't think he can handle it. It was good sex though.

I just realized that he is total freak, and wondering what I saw in him in the first place (besides the good sex). I mean he's lazy, has no job, no apartment, etc.

I don't understand why someone who had a good career, would give everything up to be a homeless guy?



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