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> Frustrated Singles
edie52
post Mar 20 2007, 11:04 PM
Post #701


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 1,011
From: back home


Fucking art school! Three-quarters of my classmates are women, and half the men are gay. Of the rest, the cute, eligible ones are probably up to their necks in pussy!
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knorl05
post Mar 20 2007, 08:39 PM
Post #702


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 819
From: detroit rock city


listened to the song, read the lyrics. i liked it. i especially relate to ani defranco when it comes to lyrics and relationships tho! but liz has got some good stuff too. wink.gif


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We adore chaos because we love to produce order.
- M.C. Escher
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stargazer
post Mar 19 2007, 04:25 PM
Post #703


brown delicious
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Posts: 2,938
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what you said knorl make me think of the song polyester bride by liz phair. damn, she wrote great songs for single women.


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"I'm not impressed easily. Wow! A blue car!"-Homer Simpson
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knorl05
post Mar 19 2007, 11:20 AM
Post #704


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 819
From: detroit rock city


that means the world, stargazer smile.gif ty.

nickclick, exactly. that's what i've learned too. is that i think we fight/fought it because of the predetermined dynamic of man being the provider (etc).. which is just bullshit. that is not how i want to live my life, as some voiceless, mindless object being 'kept' by her owner. i think some of us maybe fear that a relationship will be the death of our Selves, it will lock us into being something or someone we are not entirely comfortable to be. but as with anything in life, you've just got to go out there and try. it fails, learning experience.. it works, great!


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We adore chaos because we love to produce order.
- M.C. Escher
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nickclick
post Mar 19 2007, 08:45 AM
Post #705


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 2,134
From: jersey


yes, well put knorl. i had for a long time thought i'd never wanted to marry or have children, it seemed too common or needy. but when i saw why i had these thoughts - my mom always wanting me to find someone to 'take care of me' while i was taking care of myself just fine, thank you! - and reevaluated what i wanted in the future, i realized my relationships can be however i create them. sometimes my bf takes care of me, sometimes i take care of him, but we also encourage each other and learn from each other. besides sharing things we like, i'm learning and doing new things. but we certainly got into the relationship with the expectation that we'll need time for ourselves and time with other people. we're not the one and only source of company for each other.
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stargazer
post Mar 18 2007, 09:29 PM
Post #706


brown delicious
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wow. i've loved everything you have said knorl. beautiful. your words have inspired me. especially as i use this time being single to discover what i really want out of a relationship. thank you.


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"I'm not impressed easily. Wow! A blue car!"-Homer Simpson
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knorl05
post Mar 18 2007, 08:19 PM
Post #707


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Posts: 819
From: detroit rock city


aw greenbean, that makes me happy. i totally understand the desire to share.. and being an artist, i'm sure that is also one of the motivators behind creating your art. i know for myself, anytime i am moved by something that is breathtaking, emotional, or deep i want to look around and see if anyone else sees it. i want others to experience those feelings, because they are good feelings. i want to recreate, or express, what i am seeing or feeling to include others so that it doesnt feel so isolated or lonely.

so my point, perhaps being in a relationship.. the feelings and experiences that come with a relationship.. is in someway your muse. relationships are beautiful things, they give you the opportunity to learn and grow with someone you choose to be intimate with. but they can also be the source of frustration, aggravation, and misunderstanding, which can be the catalyst for some very complex emotions and problems. and again, being an artist, i'm sure you know the value of these dark feelings. and perhaps the solitude you would seek from the relationship was simply a way to get back to you.. to establish and remember yourself in the relationship. and now that you no longer have that contrast, maybe you are just bored and uninspired.


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We adore chaos because we love to produce order.
- M.C. Escher
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greenbean
post Mar 18 2007, 07:07 PM
Post #708


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Posts: 954


Thanks knorl, your post made me feel better! Especially the part about how wanting a relationship is not necessarily trying to supplement something thats lacking.

I think the desire to share is very strong in me. Just today I was having breakfast by myself at a lovely cafe I discovered. I had a pleasant enough time with my coffee and book,..but I couldn't help but think, "gee, wouldn't it be nice to share this spot with someone special?"

Having a boyfriend also provides a safety net. Like, you know hes there, so you feel comfortable in the fact that when you are alone you really arent "alone". Back when I was in a long term relationship I always craved alone time. Even on Friday nights, if the creative mood hit, I would cancel dates with my boyfriend so I could stay in and paint. Now with all the time to paint in the world I hardly ever do, especially on Friday nights! What was once an escape now seems just plain lonely.


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I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.--John Waters
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knorl05
post Mar 18 2007, 05:47 PM
Post #709


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 819
From: detroit rock city


why add a boyfriend to the list? i think it's a combination of a lot of things. firstly, the companionship.. there is no shame in wanting to share your life, your experiences, your thoughts with someone who values and appreciates you. secondly, greenbean, you seem to want the best for yourself. you live very idealistically, and typically that includes having a significant other.

i think it makes us angry to want a relationship because we know that it is part of the conditioning we seem to challenge. why? why have a relationship? i dont need a man to complete me or fulfill me. but there comes a time when the rebellion can be self defeating.. there are some aspects of life that may appear weak or submissive, but when looked at from another perspective, are actually pretty acceptable. we are all working from our own experiences, from our beliefs, our value systems.. but i think it's important to remember that they are not Absolute. it is simply what we know.

it's the same thing as wanting 'happiness'. what is happiness? why should i want it, just because it's what everyone wants? but it all essentially comes down to what we want from life, how we choose to live. if you want a relationship, i would say stop looking at it for what you think it is, look at it differently. what does that mean to you, really. what would a relationship provide for you, not to supplement something that is lacking, but to add to what is already there.


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We adore chaos because we love to produce order.
- M.C. Escher
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greenbean
post Mar 18 2007, 03:38 PM
Post #710


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 954


"Do you ever feel angry for wanting a relationship?" YEEEESSSSS!

I don't understand it. I should feel totally happy on my own. I'm well-read and cultured, I'm athletic, I have a good job, loving family, awsome apartment, cool friends, creative talent, unique interests, the best cat in the world.....why do I NEED to add a boyfriend to the list? WHY??!!???

"if only i had the willpower to act around guys that i really dig the same way i act around the guys that i think are just alright....i'd be golden!" Word jkat, word.


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I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.--John Waters
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jkat
post Mar 16 2007, 11:26 PM
Post #711


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Posts: 99


hey sareybelle,

i completely understand where you're coming from. i've been on my own for about 5 years now, and although i love the fact that i can take care of myself and don't need a man to depend on, i find that when a man puts himself out there for me or even eludes to the possibility that he might be able to take care of me in a particular situation, i feel the need to make a joke of it! it makes me feel like such a jerk!

and in regards to the relationship sabotage, i get you on that too. when i'm involved with a guy that i'm not completely excited about, i'm cool...and they notice, and think it's great. trouble is, i usually am not feeling the same way about them. however, when i really like someone, i do everything wrong. i call too often, i want to spend too much time with them...and it usually doesn't work out. i don't know how to reach a middle ground. actually, if only i had the willpower to act around guys that i really dig the same way i act around the guys that i think are just alright....i'd be golden! soooo hard to do though.


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Gangster of love.
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EllaMinnowPea
post Mar 16 2007, 10:24 PM
Post #712


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Posts: 55
From: Midwest


Do you ever feel angry for wanting a relationship? I know there's occasional bitterness or jealousy and plenty of satisfaction in being alone, but it occurred to me tonight that... I don't know. I sort of resent myself for wanting to dive back into the dating pool. It takes time to heal, and my own impatience is more frustrating than the men I used to be with or the neighbors who look at me with pity when they find out I'm single. I can't imagine putting myself back in a romantic situation when I'm expecting it to be a solution to my insecurities or proof of my own worth. I am enough, and if I'm not, I can't expect to be enough for someone else. Then again, a relationship strikes me as an attractive prospect and I'm infuriated with myself for switching instantly from this fiercely independent woman to, well, a girlfriend. There has to be some middle ground, is there not?

It is virtually impossible to write a paragraph about relationships without toeing some cliches. Please pardon mine.

P.S. NickClick, that was a fun read. Thanks for sharing!


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"I arise in the morning torn by the twin desires to reform the world and to enjoy the world. This makes it difficult to plan the day."
E.B. White
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sareybelle
post Mar 13 2007, 11:13 AM
Post #713


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nickclick
post Mar 13 2007, 07:42 AM
Post #714


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 2,134
From: jersey


a great and funny blog called constant dater a former co-worker writes y'all might want to check out. ps she links to BUST !
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stargazer
post Mar 13 2007, 06:23 AM
Post #715


brown delicious
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eh, doxy, i wouldn't be so hard on yourself. yeah, i know you posted it while drunk, but you know there is always a grain a truth to things. i just don't think those ladies were the ones meant for you. seriously. i know it sounds like i'm ego stroking, but i think i'm just a terrible optimist.


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"I'm not impressed easily. Wow! A blue car!"-Homer Simpson
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doxy
post Mar 13 2007, 12:43 AM
Post #716


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 109
From: New Orleans


Zoya, I'm drunk...but I re-read your post and still can't figure out if you're in the same ferry as me or not? What I thought I was on about was the hope to meet someone with similar obstacles/less free time but worth it when the few times came to be with eachother.
Ok, nevermind, I just re-read your post again...we're on the same page. Damn, I swear I thought you were questioning what my winging was about...nevermind.
Anyway, I'm so in such a desperate state I'd beg to work hard (in a man's way of speaking, that is) for a decent relationship regarding lack of respective free-time and wacked working/school hours. If there were one single morning we could walk to Surry's for that big ass banana pancake with granola and stuff on it (and I'm not so much a pancake person as I am "please do something funky with and omelette for me" person). That one single morning where I'd sit there reading the paper and she'd sit there working on the cross-word puzzle not knowing how much it tickled me to have her clueless of how much I admired her for even finding a first word since I sucked so much at it...still we'd have that one delightful breakfast time--the calm before the storm, and after for that matter.
I've always worked with these lame hours before. I'd show up late and happy to see her cute face asleep, as I'd open the evening beer and watch the news before passing out next to her. I've always done it, I just haven't been able to here.
I'm whining.
Zoya, we complain about the same, but we're not the same. I'm in a now-shit-town where it's hard to find anyone with ambition, let alone the ambition to stay here. The guys in your neck are just missing out. For you, I'm sorry for that. Again, I'm drunk. That said, I had the above, I just made a mistake and let her go. She's engaged and rightfully so...the other is engaged as well, and rightfully so. All this said, Zoya, keep it in the back of your mind the ones who fail to make the attempt will pay for it. It won't make you feel better but it's true. Jesus christ it's true.
Wow, hope everyone's week gets better;)
Anna K, right on...especially the last sentence. Sucks, but true.
(just thought of a cooler new thread/forum...the drunk and full of self pity one;))
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anna k
post Mar 12 2007, 09:51 PM
Post #717


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 1,687
From: NYC


QUOTE
i'm pretty busy. i like my alone time. but, i also think i just haven't met the dude meant to be with me.


Same here. I'm preoccupied with my work and school and securing my post-college life, and when I've dated I either found the guys so-so or boring. A couple of times I felt good enough to drop my guard and curl up against them on a couch and be romantic, but I don't get that urge much or instant physical attraction. So sometimes I feel cold and removed because I'm not sexually turned on by anyone right now, and don't want to go trolling around feeling lonely and needy.
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zoya
post Mar 12 2007, 06:32 PM
Post #718


uh huh.
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stargazer - yeah, I know.... but as far as the submissive women in career thing, what I meant was that I do seem to be meeting men who aren't intimidated by the "women in power" in career thing. It's not that - they're not intimidated by that, it's just that they completely know what kind of work it will take to start / sustain a relationship with both of us doing what we do, but don't seem to want to do it. I can't even imagine someone who doesn't have a grip on what that all entails having the desire to go there once they understand...

it's just frustrating...
bleh.
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stargazer
post Mar 12 2007, 04:12 PM
Post #719


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zoya, never say never. so, you might want to check out those men you said you wouldn't date. the ones not in the industry. i hear your frustations though. i feel the same way. it feels like men want women who are more submissive in terms of career, etc. but, those are insecure men who will are not our equals.

HELLO DOXY!! **waves**

so good to see you!! i feel the same way. i think...uh, maybe i'm not up to snuff to date. i'm pretty busy. i like my alone time. but, i also think i just haven't met the dude meant to be with me. i think when you meet that person then it just clicks and you make it work. but, i'm an idealist and hopeless romantic...so please excuse my optimism.

yeah, terrible that katrina kept us from having drinks in n'awlins doxy.


--------------------
"I'm not impressed easily. Wow! A blue car!"-Homer Simpson
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zoya
post Mar 12 2007, 11:46 AM
Post #720


uh huh.
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**delurks**

I have a corollary to your issues, doxy.... I work in an industry where I travel A LOT, even if I have a home base, I'm not there often - and I'm not particularly interested in dating someone who isn't in the same industry as me. This means that the likelihood of long-distance relationships is about 90%. Which is fine with me, you just make it work. I have no issue with it, as a matter of fact, I'm used to it. However, I just don't understand how people of the opposite sex in the same line of work as me seem to shy away from that if we have an attraction. OK, if a guy wants to date a girl who has more of a solid home base / home life / doesn't work in the same industry, that's cool - but if he likes me and wants to check it out, then its a given you have to work around it. I don't see what the issue with that is.

So I'm in a similar place doxy - except I meet great people with the same obstacles to date around, and they don't seem to want to date around them (or they find them to daunting, or something) It's seriously beyond my scope of reason - I'm a fucking catch, for god's sake. The whole fucking package and I'm pretty much issue/baggage free to boot. (had a whole lotta time to work on those myself, I must say I know I won't bring many to the table in a relationship at this point) It makes me nuts. Nuts I tell you.

I don't seem to have a problem finding guys who like me for who I am, I seem to get hung up on them following through with the work it takes to keep me around. and I refuse to chase. wont' do it.

anyway, bleh. just venting.
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