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> The Scary Playground of Life - The Bullied Thread
auralpoison
post May 29 2009, 03:54 PM
Post #21


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Girl on girl cruelty in the Scientific American


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"You're cute, like a velvet glove cast in iron. And like a gas chamber, a real fun gal."
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geoff
post May 28 2009, 10:34 PM
Post #22







Hi, I'm Geoff, and yep, I'm a newbie. Bullying is a topic that hits pretty close to home, at least in my past, and it's been interesting and sometimes painful to read about your experiences.

Like several people here, I was bullied all the way through grade school. Junior high was the worst, and high school wasn't much better. Kids that age can just tear each other apart! It's easy for me to believe what girl_logic said, how very old people can still remember the exact words that others used to bully them.

Personally, I've tried kind of the opposite - to forget as much as possible. I can easily remember it when I think about it, but I'm much happier not thinking about those times. I couldn't get out of that cliquey place fast enough, and now, as an adult, in a place with more people, it's much easier to simply avoid people I don't like. They don't even notice, so they don't go out of their way to make trouble for me - and there aren't many of them anyway.

It's scary to hear some of the earlier stories in this thread, where people are still bullied as adults in the workplace. I don't know what I'd do then - probably threaten legal action or try to find another job.

I thought about something awhile back, and maybe it's old news, but the idea surprised me a little. Some of the people I work with now are great people, very friendly and nice to be around. But because they're so athletic, attractive, and outgoing, I started to wonder if they were the types that were bullies when they were kids. It doesn't change my friendships with them now, and I obviously can't and won't pin anything on them by unfair stereotyping, but it just makes me wonder. Maybe some of the people in high school turned out to be really great adults, like the people I'm friends with now. Because of the history, though, I'm guess I'm satisfied not knowing. I don't keep in touch with any of them.

Anyway, I saw this article a couple days ago. It's on CNN's site, but the story is actually from Oprah's site. It hurts to read the families' stories - not the same words that were used to bully me, but the intimidation and the feelings they cause are all too familiar.

I followed one of the links in the middle, "How to deal with bullies", and found several good articles on various aspects of bullying. (Each article has a "Related Links" section at the bottom with more on her site.) I love the "Shmuleyism" at the bottom of this article:
QUOTE
There is absolutely no place for bullying in our schools. Children must be taught to report a bully immediately and never to fear retaliation. Parents must teach their children to stand up to a bully but never to become one - even to protect themselves. Principals and teachers who don't take bullying seriously should be relieved of their duties.

Too true. Bullying is a much bigger problem than most people realize. IMO, the keys there are "never to fear retaliation" and that the school officials need to take it seriously. Those were the reasons my problems never went away until I graduated and left - the adults wouldn't do anything, and if you "tattle," the bullies just come down on you even harder.
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girl_logic
post May 27 2009, 09:42 PM
Post #23


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I was recently reading a book called Letters to a Bullied Girl. I think it must be really well known by now - a collection of letters from people across America, to an individual in grade 7. The effort was begun by a pair of sisters who read about the girl in a local paper, horrible bullying that started when other classmates found out about her epilepsy.

So there was this incredible outpouring of supportive letters from 100s of people who had been bullied, or who were bullies and were reflecting on why they did it, people who were bystanders to someone else's bullying ordeal, parents, other kids, men and women. What was particularly interesting was how many very old people could still remember the exact words that were used to hurt them years ago and how it felt.


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There are years that ask questions and years that answer. - zora neale hurston
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auralpoison
post May 27 2009, 06:06 PM
Post #24


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From: Citizen of the world


*bump* Just in case anybody finds it useful.

QUOTE(auralpoison @ May 15 2006, 03:26 PM) *
Why thankee, Mornington.

Oh cod. I just thought of this. In eighth grade a new girl moved to my tiny town & she was a stunner. First girl I ever knew that dyed her hair black. At that point I still hung out with the rich/popular kids at the cheerleader table for lunch. I, of course, befriended her. The other girls were threatened like MAD. They called her names & made her cry. She took to hiding in the bathroom during lunch because they just tortured her. She accidentally brushed a girl's bum with her hand whilst walking through the halls & got the dyke brand. They teased her because of her dyed hair, so she tried to change it back & her hair wound up being fifteen different colours of orange. That's when the boys got in on the act. They started calling her names because she wasn't so pretty any more now that she had troll hair. By that point they started talking shit about me because I was friends with her. They never tried it again. There is no meaner breed than a teenaged girl.


This gal recently got in touch with me via FB. D found me via the page of one of the mega-cunts. She's still scarred by her treatment at those bitches hands, but her life is great now. Good job, nice fiance. She's got it going on & I think it's great!


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"You're cute, like a velvet glove cast in iron. And like a gas chamber, a real fun gal."
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auralpoison
post May 27 2009, 05:57 PM
Post #25


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Oh, fucking A.


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girltrouble
post Jul 10 2008, 10:33 AM
Post #26


new highs in personal lows daily!
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no problem, polly. i needed to get in touch with my badass side, and reading somethings AP said, i figgered i wasn't the only one.


good luck with the work bullshmackity, polly. kick their ass.


--------------------

"what a swell farewell party! we said goodbye to everything, including the lining in my stomach." - garvey, from the film, born bad

"That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted." --margo channing, all about eve
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pollystyrene
post Jul 10 2008, 07:00 AM
Post #27


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Thanks for resurrecting this thread, gt. Very timely. Things at work are teh suck right now and my boss announced today that our staff meeting today would be focussed on the recent communication issues amongst the staff and we're all to talk it out. *sigh* I have a feeling I'm at the center of a lot of the issues, so this should be interesting.


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You went to school where you were taught to fear and to obey, be cheerful, fit in, or someone might think you're weird.
Life can be perfect. People can be trusted. Someday, I will fall in love; a nice quiet home of my very own.
Free from all the pain. Happy and having fun all the time.
It never happened, did it?
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girltrouble
post Jul 9 2008, 11:21 PM
Post #28


new highs in personal lows daily!
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*bumpy*



--------------------

"what a swell farewell party! we said goodbye to everything, including the lining in my stomach." - garvey, from the film, born bad

"That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted." --margo channing, all about eve
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runningwestward
post May 17 2006, 09:55 PM
Post #29


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Great news! The bully is leaving for a month in a few weeks! YAY!!!! I'm so excited. I may only have to see him 5 more times in my life if I can manage to finish before he comes back.
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laurenann
post May 16 2006, 09:10 AM
Post #30


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oh dear, high school. in middle school kids just teased me constantly for being dorky and awkward, and then i got into punk and started dressing like a freak and just got teased some more.

in 9th and 10th grade i hung out with a bunch of serious losers who treated me like shit. summer after 10th grade they decided they didn't want to be friends with me anymore.

i went straight edge and started dating guys in college with my best friend kim. after 10th grade i stopped eating in the cafeteria and we'd eat lunch every day in these window seats by the front door. the hall monitors looked the other way.

i kept to myself senior year, spent a lot of time in the darkroom, and hung out with my older friends after school. 12th grade was okay, kids stopped teasing me for being a poser and i managed to get all B's despite skipping class with kim like every day. i knew i'd be leaving soon for college in boston, so it stopped being so bad.

i don't think all of the teasing meant much, not for me anyway. i don't really know why i was targeted, since other kids who seemed a lot like me didn't all get bullied and teased.

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mornington
post May 16 2006, 06:01 AM
Post #31


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We still have snide little names for the people we go to college with. Most of them are descriptive - or come from something they've done. Thankfully, because our uni is small & geeky (we do one subject) there's less of the geek-teasing. But you can still spot the girls who were "popular" at school. I figure I'm probably turning into a bitch now - but I try to be nice to everyone (except the pro-life freak, but she's not nice to anyone).

I left school two years ago, and I'm in touch with four girls. Out of 250. I'd class one of them as a close friend. I see the "popular" girls myspace etc (or even run into them if I'm not careful) and they're still with the same crowd, still doing the same things, and living off daddy's credit card. I laugh.
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auralpoison
post May 15 2006, 07:45 PM
Post #32


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Oh, we did that, too. We had snide little names for all kinds of people.

I was reminded of something else... Somebody used to prank call my house saying that they were this guy that I barely knew & had never even had a class with. They only called when I wasn't home & would leave his name & number when they called. There was no reason for this person to be calling me, so I never called him back. I could never decide if it was me they hated or him. Go figure. This went on for months before they figured out I wasn't ever going to return the call.


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anna_k
post May 15 2006, 07:43 PM
Post #33


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Pepper, me too. When I gained sense and realized some of the things that I said and did and how it looked to others, I thought, "Jesus, I was a freak. No wonder I rarely had friends."

I was close friends with one girl during school, but we went to seperate colleges and drifted apart because of age and not wanting to hold onto h.s. memories. I was happy for the brainy academic kids who got into good schools and put their brains to great use.
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pepper
post May 15 2006, 07:20 PM
Post #34







oh mercy, i was a strange cookie in highschool. i look back at pictures of the cracked shit i would wear out in public (oh so proudly) and wonder if i'd've been friends with me.
the chicas that were brave enough to dare speaking and chilling with me are almost all still my good girl friends nearly twenty years later. what can i say, i'm a keeper. and so are they for loving the crazy lady that i am.
i laugh in the face of alla the loser shits who were such a highschool commodity back then and are sssooo uninspiringly boring and bored now. serves them right.
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livelyupurself
post May 15 2006, 06:24 PM
Post #35


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I've really only kept in touch with a total of two, yes, dos amigos, from the school daze.

My sister works for a major HMO here, Kaiser Permanente, so she has the misfortune of running in to buttloads of shmucks from school. The best though was this guy that was kind of a dick, but super hot. He picked on us, but not in a terribly hostile way. He would prank call late and tell me, in a creepy voice, that it was "lucifer" calling, or he would pretend to try to trip us in class. She was in the elevator with him, and his wife who was about to pop their kid out. She said he was still hot and very sweet. I always new he really was a nice guy cause his cousin Frankie was one of my bf's, but he went to a different school. This dude was always cool when I happened to run in to him outside of school or if he came over with Frankie to swim at my house. Except the time we were swimming late at night and he took my towel and locked me outside to freeze my ass off.
I kicked his ass tho'.

My sis and I were secretly assholes. We had names for people. We called one girl "meatloaf", one was "bathtub", oh and there was "mustard", so named because of the mustard stains on his pants he wore 3 days in a row one week. He worked at McD's after school. And "scarf", "booger", "bus", etc. I hated Pam Petersen, so she was "Spam" Petersen.
Bitches, we were.
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auralpoison
post May 15 2006, 06:01 PM
Post #36


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Ain't it the truth, Lively, ain't it the truth. How many people's lives actually peaked in high school?

Oh man, my ten year was a couple years ago. I coincidentally happened to be in town. My mom went down to the bar & ran into some of my classmates & of course she told them I was at home. Drunk people that I hadn't spoken with in thirteen years started calling my house admonishing me that we were all still friends & that if I didn't come down they'd come to me. I decided one drink is worth the preservation of my sanity & I walked into a shit storm of so&so says you aren't coming to the reunion because of blahblahblahwhatever. Ten years later there were *STILL* rumours going around about me. I was like, no, I'm not going because I was an asshole then, I'm an asshole now. And I'm cheap & I hate golf. Also the girl that organised it married one of my idiot relatives & I didn't speak with either of them until he finally got smart & divorced the horse faced witch.

I am beginning to understand why my buddy J says I am the Ernest Hemingway of not giving a fuck. Gotta love that fella.

I'm not in contact with anybody I went to high school with. Not a bloody one. I try to be cordial when I run into one, but a lot of them are total humps.

I spent the majority of my senior year totally alone. I pissed off one set of friends because I rejected a guy & then nearly ripped his head off when he told everyone why even though I told him not to. The other set because I said the wrong thing in front of the wrong person & the fit hit the proverbial shan. Today I wonder if the guy is still ugly enough to make a freight train take a dirt road. He's gotta be 'cause he hit every branch on the ugly tree on the way down. I can't imagine he smells any better, either.


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livelyupurself
post May 15 2006, 05:09 PM
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AP, serious heartage for you. I had friends who sound a lot like you did in school, and they are the ones I am still friends with today. The rest, eh, not so much.

I couldn't be bothered to give a shit about or even consider attending some sort of reunion function, even for the good laughs I know it would afford me. I know I'd still despise those fuckers, and even seeing what losers the majority turned out to be wouldn't dim the loathing I still feel for those pissants.
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anna_k
post May 15 2006, 04:08 PM
Post #38


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LONG POST AHEAD

I was a weird kid. I kept quiet a lot, and hated to be touched and was afraid of large images (like big posters of animals or dead celebrities). I read all the time, wore big glasses, and was always picked on. Either I didn't know how to socialize, would say the wrong thing, or just stuck out. Plus, I was labeled with a learning disability (now known as Asperger's) and would have to go the resource room, OT classes, attended D-level classes in junior high, and was treated as a social reject by both students and teachers.

Even when I went to summer camp, I inadvertently alienated myself from the other kids by being a nerd or saying something weird. I had said to the camp counselor, "Your name is Moira? That's like the actress Moira Kelly." I was 11. The counselor just looked at me funny and walked on. Or I had to get some iced tea for the bunk table at lunch and the iced tea was running low on the canteen, so I mixed it with water. It tasted terrible, and everyone went, "Ew" and looked at me.

At another summer camp, a girl had the same name as me, and she fucking tortured me. She pushed me into the boys' bathroom because I was too ugly to be a girl. One day a small rock flew through the air and hit me on the head. I didn't know if it was an accident or intended, but it felt like a real Charlie Brown moment.

By the time I was 12, I had had it with being bullied. With frustration and anger and sick of being quiet and alone, I lashed out. If someone teased me, I hit them. I slapped a couple of girls, got into a fistfight with a boy, and was shoved and slapped myself. I was at two extremes: being silent and withdrawn, or being violent and full of rage.

Junior high: I had been called a lesbian because I told a girl I kissed a girl on the cheek (bad move), everything was ripped apart about me, girls thought I was going to hit on them, boys asked me sexual questions (“Did you get your period yet? “Are you a virgin?”). I had big breasts and felt ugly and misshapen. I would wear a heavy coat like a safety blanket to hide in when I wanted to get away from the surrounding world. People put “Kick Me” signs on me. I had a lot of violent fantasies, like rape fantasies and being a runaway street hooker, and at night I could hear bombs going off in my head, pounding whenever I closed my eyes.

In high school, this disgusting boy who looked like Fat Albert would not leave me alone. He was perverted and sick and was always on my case. Once he humped himself on me against the wall, and I screamed and shoved him away. Another kid looked at me like I was the freak.

I didn't have any sexual experiences as a teen, because I had been told over and over how ugly and gross I was. Boys would say, "My friend wants to go out with you." "No I don't!" Whenever someone called me ugly, I either cried or hit them. Sex was violent and ugly to me, but a lot of it was mysterious to me because I had never kissed anyone or been treated with any love or affection by boys. When I got "pretty" by 17 (through losing weight and dressing better and gaining a spine) and didn't know why boys were being nice to me (especially the ones who had teased me thru junior high), I had to learn about sex and dating in college, and felt like I had missed out on a lot.

I really got into films and books during that time, and made a habit of renting lots of movies from the library, mostly old and foreign films. I would get sucked into the black-and-white world and become fascinated by old Hollywood and old scandals. I read a lot of Francesca Lia Block and learned about art and music and films and books through her world. I worked as a volunteer at an artsy movie house and saw free films and worked in the office. There I had met people who were 30 and treated me so kindly and sweetly. I still felt like a nerd in glasses and bohemian clothes (dresses over striped pants, old jackets, band t-shirts), but they were kind to me. One guy reminded me of John Belushi, and he always joked around with me and made me happy. I had come in one day down from school and bullies, and he quietly hugged me. I miss him. Another guy was a gorgeous Johnny Depp-looking man who was serpentine and cool, and would wink at me and be sexy and cool to me, despite my looks (I looked like Daria the cartoon, to put an image out there). These guys helped me be more comfortable with men and to like seeing them more as friends than as dates or enemies.

I eventually got better through therapy, Paxil, and enrolling in a half-day art school where I learned to write better stories and act in plays. I'm 22 now and have grown up since being the shy little geek, but it took a long time to grow out of that, and sometimes I wish I was a more outgoing, prettier, happier teen than being so reclusive and weird.
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auralpoison
post May 15 2006, 03:26 PM
Post #39


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Why thankee, Mornington.

Oh cod. I just thought of this. In eighth grade a new girl moved to my tiny town & she was a stunner. First girl I ever knew that dyed her hair black. At that point I still hung out with the rich/popular kids at the cheerleader table for lunch. I of course befriended her. The other girls were threatened like MAD. They called her names & made her cry. She took to hiding in the bathroom during lunch because they just tortured her. She accidentally brushed a girl's bum with her hand whilst walking through the halls & got the dyke brand. They teased her because of her dyed hair, so she tried to change it back & her hair wound up being fifteen different colours of orange. That's when the boys got in on the act. They started calling her names because she wasn't so pretty any more now that she had troll hair. By that point they started talking shit about me because I was friends with her. They never tried it again. There is no meaner breed than a teenaged girl.


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mornington
post May 15 2006, 03:05 PM
Post #40


now running on biodiesel and sacrificial blood
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*delurks*

if you can lurk in a thread that's not been up a day. I moved around lots as a kid - eight schools - and got picked on as "the new kid"; I kept myself to myself a lot because I was never around long enough to make good friends. There were no ass-kickings delivered, or recieved, but I was the one who people un-obviously whispered about, was called names and so on and so forth. One charming little boy (we were ten) took my friend's nickname for me, and constantly teased me with it - to the point where I actually hid from classes. Oh, and I threw a coathanger at one of my dorm-mates (I went to a boarding school) for being vile about my clothes. It wasn't until the last year of my last school that the little boys (and the girls) really gave up trying to get a reaction out of me. I guess I managed to keep my mouth shut and my head down because I knew that I was smarter, and going more places, than they were. And because I'd given up on giving a shit & trying to fit - and they decided I was a lost cause. But even now I distrust "the popular girls" and my self-confidence isn't high; it's gotten waaay better, but I'm occasionaly convinced I have a "fat, ugly, geeky and boring" label stuck to my shirt or something.

AP - you're the bomb. I could have had nothing but respect for you had you gone to my school

the brick thing scares me... good move with getting the police in. The guy sounds like an asshat.

rv - I agree with pepper about the damage control. And you shouldn't have to stand for it, he sounds like he's being wholly uncalled for. Good that your mum is supporting you though.
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