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> Take It Outside, the thread for disagreements & derailments
mouse
post Nov 2 2008, 05:32 PM
Post #81


Most Likely Procrastinating
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Posts: 2,534
From: shangri-l.a.


well i guess we'll have to agree to disagree.


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thirtiesgirl
post Nov 2 2008, 04:33 PM
Post #82


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 580
From: Loss Angeles


I agree it sucks, what has happened with Latino families in that part of Los Angeles, and I'm certainly sympathetic to unfair treatment given to minorities, particularly by the LAPD. But I don't believe his behavior towards you, mouse, had anything to do with those facts and everything to do with typical male assholery. I believe if you excuse the guy's behavior, you're playing into his potential victim mentality and allowing him to behave badly because of his circumstances. I believe if we don't raise the bar on our expectations, the behavior of guys who act like this won't improve. Again, regardless of their ethnicity.


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I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
-Mae West
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roseviolet
post Nov 2 2008, 03:27 PM
Post #83


Pacifism kicks ass!
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QUOTE(mouse @ Nov 2 2008, 03:54 PM) *
the point is, i crossed a bridge, treated someone i didn't like like a friend, and it made me feel better. the times i've gotten mad or offended, it didn't make me feel better.

but maybe that's just me, and maybe it won't always work.


No, it's not just you. That's the way I prefer to treat tense situations as well. The vast majority of the time, it results in a positive, enlightening experience for everyone involved.

Mouse, you found yourself in a difficult situation. You handled it the best way you could. In the end, a guy who might have originally thought of you as a "bitch" probably walked away thinking that you were a pretty cool person. That's a truly amazing result from such a brief interaction. Perhaps because of you, this guy's perspective has changed. Perhaps now he'll be far more hesitant to refer to a stranger as a "bitch". We can only hope, right?
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mouse
post Nov 2 2008, 02:54 PM
Post #84


Most Likely Procrastinating
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Posts: 2,534
From: shangri-l.a.


thank you syb, that explains it nicely.

thirties, it's certainly not "lowering expectations for certain ethnicities". but i do think that there's more loaded hostility coming from someone who's probably seen his friends and family evicted, arrested unecessarily, and squeezed out of where he's grown up by the likes of me. i mean, *I* would have that if that were me. and of course, unfortunately, some of the newer residents are totally ignorant of that sort of point of view and either ignore or resent/are scared of the original latino community there. if i were he, and i were hopped up on halloween and wanting to make trouble, i think that there WOULD be a larger meaning than just "man fucking with woman". if it had been a white frat boy, well, i think it probably would have been just "man fucking with woman", or even worse, "jock fucking with girl he finds unattractive", which imho is worse than catcalls, and i'm not sure if any jesus-techniques would've made him feel differently. i'm more willing to give my asshole drugstore dude the benefit of the doubt rather than mr. usc, honestly.

the point is, i crossed a bridge, treated someone i didn't like like a friend, and it made me feel better. the times i've gotten mad or offended, it didn't make me feel better.

but maybe that's just me, and maybe it won't always work.


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thirtiesgirl
post Nov 2 2008, 12:30 PM
Post #85


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 580
From: Loss Angeles


QUOTE(mouse @ Nov 2 2008, 02:26 AM) *
i don't want to sound holier than thou and i realize i kind of do, but this realization was important to me in a really deep way. i think it's probably an unpopular viewpoint to take as a feminist, but i think that sometimes there are things that are more important than my personally being offended. and yeah, actually, i don't want to have to drag race/class/culture into it but i have to say i DO think the dynamics would've been different if it had been a white frat boy and me, white hipster girl, instead of a young hispanic guy in a rapidly gentrifying neighborhood.

This is where I disagree. My issue is not that he's a Hispanic guy yelling at a nice white lady in what used to be known as East L.A., where many Latino families once lived. My issue is that any guy, Hispanic, African-American, Chinese American, whatever, would treat another person in that way. I don't think it's a good thing to lower our expectations for certain ethnicities. I believe people should be held to the same behavioral standards, regardless of ethnicity.

QUOTE(mouse @ Nov 2 2008, 02:26 AM) *
i don't want to get into an argument with you. but i do want to make the point that the "turn the other cheek" thing doesn't really have exceptions for people you don't like, or don't like how they treat you. the whole point is about exactly those people.

I do get your point, mouse. I was raised by a very christian parent, and have spent many years studying religions, including Quakerism. I know Quakers believe that everyone deserves forgiveness and is worthy of being treated humanely, as a friend. My point of view is simply different from yours. As I wrote below and elsewhere in this discussion, I believe the guy was coming from a wrong place in an attempt to scare and demean you. That would not go unremarked by me, had I been in the situation, regardless of the guy's ethnicity. If someone acts in what I feel is a wrong way towards me, I don't let it pass without communicating my feelings and letting them know that they've upset me and I feel their actions are wrong. I don't act out on it and try to treat them the same way, but I do let them know how I feel.


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I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
-Mae West
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sybarite
post Nov 2 2008, 09:33 AM
Post #86


it's cards on the table time
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I may regret this, and I don't mean to be reductive, but from a feminist perspective isn't this simply a case of choosing your battles? My understanding from what I've read (correct me if I'm wrong) is that Mouse chose not to take this guy's actions as an attack on her as a woman, but part of a Halloween activity, albeit one which still incorporated other aspects of this dude's behaviour, i.e. how he may normally interact with (white) women.

Mouse I liked the way you turned it around, myself, and am glad you got a sort of epiphany from the experience.
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mouse
post Nov 2 2008, 05:26 AM
Post #87


Most Likely Procrastinating
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Posts: 2,534
From: shangri-l.a.


ok, first off, this took place outside the store, he yelled running past me before i even said anything to him, the "change" came afterwards, and since you seem to be particularly offended by this one point which to me seems to be inconsequential--seen squished up in my bag, fake guts made from stuffed pantyhose painted pink, kinda really do look like pussy.

secondly, in case i haven't explained it well enough, his entire demeanor towards me changed. if i'd headed back towards my car and ignored him, or given him a dirty look, or said fuck off, or whatever else i could've done to say that i didn't appreciate him fucking with me by yelling in my ear (and i didn't, certainly, appreciate that), he would've either sulked off or continued to harass me. instead, i engaged him in the same subject he was on--halloween--and treated him as though he hadn't been a douchebag. and the reaction was that he was not (as much of) a douchebag as a result, and he made the point to genuinely wish me a happy halloween and wave as he left. i know you weren't there, but believe me--it was entirely different.

i can see that my words could easily get twisted to make the point that i'm saying women should ignore men's harassment and just be nice to them--this is ridiculous, and of course that's not what i'm saying.

the point i'm making is that whatever he was doing, whatever he was getting his kicks by harassing me for, somehow it was mollified by my treating him like a friend.

i was raised quaker, and as such was immersed in peaceful conflict resolution, mediation, etc etc etc constantly. stuff about turning the other cheek, being kind even if they are not being kind to you, jean-valjean-being-given-extra-candlesticks-after-stealing-the-silver kind of stuff. i loved the idea of it, but as i grew older i became skeptical.

i'm still skeptical--i'm not going to say that this kind of stuff will stop you from getting robbed or whatever. but it's worth a try and the times that it does work--as i just experienced--it feels AMAZING.

i'm not trying to "impress" you. this isn't an issue about men yelling at women, or violence towards women specifically. it's not a feminist issue. that's not the point i'm trying to make. it's a humanist issue, and it's about reaching out to somebody you don't want to reach out to and as a result making both of you change your mind maybe a little and FEEL BETTER. it made my night better and i'd be willing to bet it made his night better too.

i think everybody deserves respect and friendliness--yes, EVEN IF they aren't displaying it to me. an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. it's become a platitude, for sure, but it's true.

i don't want to sound holier than thou and i realize i kind of do, but this realization was important to me in a really deep way. i think it's probably an unpopular viewpoint to take as a feminist, but i think that sometimes there are things that are more important than my personally being offended. and yeah, actually, i don't want to have to drag race/class/culture into it but i have to say i DO think the dynamics would've been different if it had been a white frat boy and me, white hipster girl, instead of a young hispanic guy in a rapidly gentrifying neighborhood.

i don't want to get into an argument with you. but i do want to make the point that the "turn the other cheek" thing doesn't really have exceptions for people you don't like, or don't like how they treat you. the whole point is about exactly those people.


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thirtiesgirl
post Nov 2 2008, 03:19 AM
Post #88


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 580
From: Loss Angeles


Ok, mouse, continuing our argument from the Halloween thread...

I would argue that I don't think you changed anything by 'turning the other cheek' with the asshole guy. He came into the store and behaved like an asshole towards you and continued to interact with you in a very asshole-ish way. So he smiled and said 'happy Halloween' when you left. That doesn't impress me, considering how horribly he acted towards you from the beginning. If the situation were truly changed, he wouldn't have entered the store, screamed in your ear and likened your costume to a pussy. He wouldn't view another person, particularly a woman, as someone he could mess with in that way.


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I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
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auralpoison
post Oct 12 2008, 08:39 AM
Post #89


Big Fat Bitch
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From: Citizen of the world


Oh. My. God. I really needed that. I did. I don't know when I've laughed that hard in a great long while.

Of course I salivated in anticipation, punk, I mean, Funk! I enjoy watching somebody build their gallows high with their own two hands & then be their own judge, jury, & executioner. You afixed the noose, you pulled the lever, you dropped. Bravo! You made my day!

Look, If you don't care about me than why the lengthy portion of your post aimed at me? You seem to care enough to have pointed me out several times specifically, so you know you care a little. If you didn't, you'd ignore me.

I've been workin' the kidneys, haven't I? Pissin' blood yet?

You just made our point for us again. You think your light is the only light there is, your way is the right way. And all of your friends agree with you, so we are obviously all wrong & will live miserable lives because we don't follow the way of the Great All-Mighty Omnipotent Funk.

And I will mail you my Carnak hat so you can be Funknak what with all of your predictions. It is sparkly & purple. I think you'll like it! I hope USPS is okay.

Success is subjective, non? I don't need to have your corporate soul-sucking jobs, your 2.5 kids, your minivans, or your houses in the suburbs. I am not so naive as to think that's all that constitutes a "good" life. I am already doing just fine in my chosen field. I own my home, my car, & have plenty of money to live a very good lifestyle until I die even if I choose to never work again. I do not wish to marry. I do not wish to have children.

And even if I do get married & have kids, you can bet your ass I'll still be rogering myself. I think masturbation is normal, healthy, & a perfectly good way to kill some time as well as get in tune with one's body. Try it sometime! Buy some good lube & work that stick around a little! You might hit your pspot with it!

To address the picking issue: Did you honestly think that I thought you wouldn't use it against me? This is the intarwebs, baby! You toss it out, somebody's bound to toss it back, even if their aim is shitty. And YOU throw like a blind, elderly, one-armed, surrender-monkey. Trust me, I see you a lot clearer than you see me & you lead with your chin. You telegraph your next move every single time. Cos yeah, that last shot was the bantam weight verbal boxer's last gasp before giving up. Pity it didn't land. You're beaten, you're bruised, you're spitting blood & teeth. The towel has been thrown, the lights have gone up, & Funk is taking himself (Weeeweewee! All the way . . .) home.


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"You're cute, like a velvet glove cast in iron. And like a gas chamber, a real fun gal."
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culturehandy
post Oct 11 2008, 02:33 PM
Post #90


(o)(o)
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Posts: 11,350
From: Oh boobs


Bwaaahahahahaha Kitten.

I shoulda come wif a pitchfork.

Or is that me seeking recognition from y'alls?


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Hatred does not cease in this world by hating, but by not hating; this is an eternal truth. --- Buddah, The Dhammapada
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hellotampon
post Oct 11 2008, 12:16 PM
Post #91


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 1,018
From: Connecticut


I like how he was constantly inviting all his "friends" to read the site, analyze his posts, etc. "But my friend said you were wrong! I had another friend sit down and read, and she didn't know what you guys were talking about! Then I got the opinion of a 3rd friend and he thought the same thing!" Well I have a friend, and they think you're a total dipshit who thinks you made it all up. haha.
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kittenb
post Oct 11 2008, 12:00 PM
Post #92


There is nothing ironic about Show Choir!
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You know, I've never been a part of running someone out of town before. That was fun. smile.gif


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In times of destruction, create something.
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pollystyrene
post Oct 11 2008, 11:48 AM
Post #93


Too many mutha uckas, Uckin' with my shi-
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From: Chicago


Sorry, I'm too busy laughing my ass off at funk, yet again proving the point that he's another Man Who Explains Things, things that we already know or are wrong.

Rose, I love you. You're the calm, cool, collected half of my brain. wub.gif


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You went to school where you were taught to fear and to obey, be cheerful, fit in, or someone might think you're weird.
Life can be perfect. People can be trusted. Someday, I will fall in love; a nice quiet home of my very own.
Free from all the pain. Happy and having fun all the time.
It never happened, did it?
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thirtiesgirl
post Oct 11 2008, 11:39 AM
Post #94


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 580
From: Loss Angeles


Oh, fuck off, funk and go the hell away. You're just mad that I didn't pick you. And I sincerely doubt the woman who does will count herself "happily" married to the likes of you.

And thanks, Faerietales.


ETA: apologies, ladies. I'm not being my best self at the moment. When confronted by someone with the mentality of a 13 year old boy, I sometimes react in kind. Apologies again.


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I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
-Mae West
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girltrouble
post Oct 11 2008, 11:21 AM
Post #95


new highs in personal lows daily!
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From: wherever ink is put in skin...


QUOTE
These people desperately need attention
-funk

pot meet kettle?
QUOTE
I wonder where he got his PhD from.
-culture

i'm going to hazard a guess and say......kinkos?

but if i were being mean i would have said, "from the crack of his ass."
but i've reformed.
sleep.gif



--------------------

"what a swell farewell party! we said goodbye to everything, including the lining in my stomach." - garvey, from the film, born bad

"That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted." --margo channing, all about eve
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roseviolet
post Oct 11 2008, 11:11 AM
Post #96


Pacifism kicks ass!
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Funk, I tried to help you earlier. I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt before. No more.

If you're still out there & you still wish to learn something from me, then here's one last suggestion for you: don't lower yourself to such levels. Your final post did not hurt anyone here. You only hurt yourself by showing that you are small-minded & petty.

You do not know any of these women well enough to make such gross predictions, so your statements just make you sound pathetic. Besides, there are worse things to be in life than single & child-free. Indeed, many many people voluntarily chose that lifestyle and are quite happy with it, so I really don't see why one would automatically assume such a fate to be equitable with failure.

That wasn't the worst part, though. Your comments where you bring up extraordinarily personal matters revealed in the mental health threads is absolutely reprehensible. Completely, totally beyond the pale. In the past, you hurt people by accident. But in this case, you were vicious and cruel on purpose. Shameful. Absolutely, horrifically shameful.
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culturehandy
post Oct 11 2008, 10:28 AM
Post #97


(o)(o)
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From: Oh boobs


I wonder where he got his PhD from.


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Hatred does not cease in this world by hating, but by not hating; this is an eternal truth. --- Buddah, The Dhammapada
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faerietails
post Oct 11 2008, 10:24 AM
Post #98


donut-lovin' heathen
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Posts: 624


HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! okay, i had to delurk because funk just kills me and i had to giggle. what an ass. "thirtiesgirl will have a few rare relationships, but will end up single, stewing in her own juices, and bitter as ever"?? only her? i would've thought a bunch of man-hating, castrating bitches would all end up bitter, single old ladies, no? fuck you, dude.

modsquad, thanks for the heads up. i kind of figured it was steve from the get-go, considering ss appeared out of nowhere with 4 posts.
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culturehandy
post Oct 11 2008, 10:06 AM
Post #99


(o)(o)
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From: Oh boobs


Ahhhh there he goes again with the condescending tone. Show's how little he knows either of these women. Once again, a man thinks he knows what's best.

And I need the luck?? Please mofo, I am a very successful woman who is very comfortable with herself, I think you're the one who needs his head examined. And as for "all your female friends" I doubt that very much. Need for approval for my peers??? Bwaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha. If you ask anyone around here, they'll all tell you that we don't give a flying fuck what people think.

You have now shown yourself as a no nothing useless, know-it-all douchebag who is well and truly misguided.

Further, you can ask a number of men on this site, and they are here, Lore and billy are two who have been here for a long time, how we are, and what we think of them. They're two very good people. Maybe you should take a lesson.

It's funny how you think you know so much from reading posts without getting to well and truly know people.

Take your pseudo freudian anaylsis of busties (which is TOTALLY wrong) and fuck off.


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Hatred does not cease in this world by hating, but by not hating; this is an eternal truth. --- Buddah, The Dhammapada
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crinoline
post Oct 11 2008, 09:41 AM
Post #100


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 622
From: Deep South, U.S.A.


slow clap for funk's amazing Miss Cleo impersonation with his "insightful" predictions about people he's never met.


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http://www.etsy.com/shop/crinolinecreations Handmade accessories for the SuperCute!
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