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> addiction: someone you love has one
knorl05
post Mar 29 2008, 01:56 PM
Post #21


Hardcore BUSTie
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From: detroit rock city


sorry if i disrupt any ongoing convo in this thread.
my piece.
i love not having vices or addictions anymore.
however. i feel as though i've lost any confidence in myself and now all i am is a self conscious neurotic ball of nothingness. sucks i feel it's so hard to extract any sort of belief in myself over even the most fundamental things, like facing the world some days. but then i wonder if that's at all different than how i used to be... and now i'm just the person i used to crave to be: a person who is free of addictions and vices. the irony is sick.
i've never wanted to be someone who locked herself away in her house, and i dont for the most part, but i just find it's so much easier and safer to do the bare minimum. eghad. i hate myself for even thinking that way..


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We adore chaos because we love to produce order.
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tatiana
post Mar 4 2008, 09:22 PM
Post #22


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From: Canada


Sounds like my Dad exactly and I deal with it the same way. Unfortunately since I grew up with his alcoholism, I'm still the typical "child of an alcoholic." I'm an atheist so Al-Anon doesn't seem to be the right fit for me, but I need to do something--I'm just not sure what.
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konphusion26
post Mar 3 2008, 09:35 PM
Post #23


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From: In My own lil world...


QUOTE(tatiana @ Mar 3 2008, 10:44 PM) *
konphusion26, have you found a way to deal with this? My dad is an alcoholic (actively planning to die within 2 years). He doesn't think he has a problem ('natch). The reason I ask is that I thought I would try Al-Anon, but since it is heavily reliant on a spiritual belief system I'm finding it extremely off-putting. I've been looking for other options, but haven't found any.

Hi Tatiana. No I haven't tried al-anon as of yet; i've heard its spiritually based. I am a spiritual person. I am a Christian, and that helps me alot in dealing with my own issues about my father. It's hard to talk to him still because he's usually drunk. I refuse to talk to him when he's drinking. Point blank. If that's considered not dealing with it, then I dont know what else to do. I'm sorry to hear about your dad sweetie. My fear is that my father will be gone in a few years from his body shutting down or getting in an accident. It makes me sad but I can't keep living my life worried about if he's gonna croak. He's not in control of himself anymore, his addiction is - and its impossible talking to him even when he's sober. Im not sure what your belief system is, but I do wish you the best in finding a way to cope. You can PM me if you'd like to talk further about how you're feeling. Maybe we can help each other.

~smooches~


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Faith is hoping for and believing in things you cannot see!
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tatiana
post Mar 3 2008, 09:27 PM
Post #24


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From: Canada


QUOTE(konphusion26 @ Dec 7 2007, 01:43 PM) *
Hey I didnt know this thread existed. But yeah.. my dad is an alcoholic. Its not been an easy road. I've heard that addicts can only recover if they really want to. I guess he doesn't want to because every attempt to get him help, he refuses. Oh well, what can ya do??


konphusion26, have you found a way to deal with this? My dad is an alcoholic (actively planning to die within 2 years). He doesn't think he has a problem ('natch). The reason I ask is that I thought I would try Al-Anon, but since it is heavily reliant on a spiritual belief system I'm finding it extremely off-putting. I've been looking for other options, but haven't found any.
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LoveMyPugs
post Feb 28 2008, 06:54 AM
Post #25







Aww thanks ladies. The last time she was locked up she was in jail for a long time then went into a program called Crest. At first I think she was considered incarcerated and then was able to work and come back there at night. She went to meetings, therapy, they medicated her, helped her find a job, and she had a curfew and so on and so forth. She did well with that. Then she was released and got an apartment. She was working, going to meetings, drug tests, and parole meetings. Then she relapsed and now I think she’s going to do this all over again. I think this program is just longer. I don’t know all the details.

Her letters are strange sometimes. She is almost overly happy to be back in jail and now all this talk about going to school online while in the Gateway program. I really don’t think she’s fully accepted that this drug has full control over her. She tries to be this tough person and thinks that she can handle anything and everything. She also very hard on herself for doing wrong while she’s under the influence.

All her letters just say thank you and thank god. When I ask about her work in progress she never responds. I can’t explain any more other then to say that her letters are strange. Also, after her behavior at the mall that day I just feel differently about her. She was so out of her mind that when I think of her that is all I see in my head and feel in my heart. I don’t think her and I will ever be what we were before this all happened.

Her family (except her father) has written her off. I’m not going to do that and that’s why I’m continuing to write and I’m planning on visiting when I have free time.
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konphusion26
post Feb 27 2008, 03:00 PM
Post #26


Hardcore BUSTie
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From: In My own lil world...


**smooches to LMP** - hey sweetheart! I think its awesome you are corresponding with her; thats some great support right there. Not everyone has that. You have to forgive yourself for having her arrested. You did what you had to do to save your cousin's life. Everything will be just fine

I agree with Kari "I don't think you have to go every week or anything, but I think visiting helps them out a lot. If you are writing, that's definitely good too."


P.S. - Just wanted to let you know that You rock!


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Faith is hoping for and believing in things you cannot see!
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kari
post Feb 27 2008, 08:14 AM
Post #27


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Pugs-I read your earlier posts about your cousin.

Just wanted to give you some support. I am glad your cousin is doing better since being incarcerated. You and your family did the right thing. Is the gateway program something that involves drug recovery?

I had a similar experience with my younger sister. She was put in jail for stealing checks from my mom & writing them. My mom had her arrested and pressed charges. It was the best thing that happened to my sister. She was in jail for about 2 months & was put in the drug court program. She was in that for two years. It involved many things-meetings, drug testing, curfew, etc. It was great for her. She has been clean now for 2+ years, something I never thought would happen. I hope something similar happens for your cousin.

I went to see my sister in jail a few times and I know she appreciated it. I don't think you have to go every week or anything, but I think visiting helps them out a lot. If you are writing, that's definitely good too.
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LoveMyPugs
post Feb 26 2008, 08:35 AM
Post #28







so i've been receiving letters from my cousin regularly since she was incarcerated. she's doing well. they have her back on antidepressents. she got into a six to nine month program called Gateway. she has a court date in july that i was summoned to. i guess i'm some kind of witness for the state. i feel like i'm being called against her. it' kinda sucks. she keeps asking me to help her get financial aid so she can go to college online when she's settled into Gateway. i don't know if this is possible or how to help her with this. i was thinking of just stopping into the financial aid office at school and asking them if this is possible. other then that she seems very good. she thanks me all the time for what my dad and i did (having her arrested). i'm kind of putting off going to see her in prison. the last time i went to see her wasn't that bad. i had to call ahead of time to schedule a visit. it wasn't like this "threw the glass" thing that you see in the movies. we sat across from one another at a table. i was allowed to hug her. we talked and laughed. it was a nice visit. this time i just feel different because of how intense our last meeting was the day i had her arrested at the mall. i guess that is still kinda fresh on my mind. i think for now i'll just stick to writing. we write about once a week. for me that's enough right now. i guess i should go visit her right? i'm not being supportive just letting her sit in jail. especially, since i'm the one who put her there. i don't know what i'm going to do. stick to writing for right now i guess.
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LoveMyPugs
post Jan 31 2008, 06:15 AM
Post #29







konphusion26 - thanks so much for your kind words. They touched my heart as well.

My dad and I don't have a very good relationship. He's miserable with my mom and I don't know how he stays with her. He's unsympathetic and cold to everything she, my sister or I have to say or share with him. He's loud and hurtful when he's angry. His views on the world are just stupid and old fashioned. I actually hate to be around him. That's why I stay away. I too worry that he and my mom will have a knock down drag out fight one of these days and one of them will go to far. I've tried to help and talked to both of them but they are so stubborn. I've given up. What happens happens. He's hit my mom in the past and she never leaves. I remember him putting a fist to my face when I was VERY young and telling me to grow up and start using my brain. He questions every adult decision I make and I'm constantly second guessing myself.

The scary thing is that as bad as he is my mom is a million times worse for me. Sometimes I really do think that she has psychotic issues.

I'm starting to see my sister going through the same things I went through. She has it worse because she has a very bad attitude that sets everything off. At least I only defended myself when I thought I was right. My sister fights because she's 19 and thinks she knows everything.

It's a mess. That's why I stay away. I can't help them. I want to be happy and I can't do that if I'm around them.

Good luck with your dad. Just pray that he doesn't hurt anyone. That's all you can do.

*hug and kiss*
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konphusion26
post Jan 30 2008, 04:57 PM
Post #30


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Posts: 737
From: In My own lil world...


You are absolutely right babe. I've pretty much given up worrying about HIM per se. My concern is the other people on the road that he may hurt or kill during one of his drunken beer runs. He seems to think he's invincible when he's drinking. But he's a totally different man when he's sober (very very meek and timid, and of few words). You give him a couple cans or bottle of liquid courage (or joint) and he's instantly Mr. Hyde. I try to find humor in it to keep from crying or becoming ENRAGED. I think my anger and depression stems from dealing with my father for the last 17 yrs of my life. I have very few good memories of life before he started drinking. How sad.

I'm glad that you have found some peace about your cousin. That touched my heart girl. I was sitting here getting teary eyed just now. She is going to have such a testimony when she recovers from all this. Maybe she will end up mentoring or speaking to women just like her and help them find a way out. I'll definitely send up some prayers for her and you. God bless you guys!


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Faith is hoping for and believing in things you cannot see!
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LoveMyPugs
post Jan 30 2008, 04:03 PM
Post #31







konphusion26 - i received a letter from her last weeek. mr. pugs saw it in the mail but i was still at school. he called to let me know it had arrived. i was so nervous about reading it because i thought it would be a "how could you do this to me?" kind of letter. when i got home the first thing i did was open it. on the back of the envelope she wrote in big letters, "I love you guys. Thanks for caring so much." this immediately eased my mind. when i opened it she thanked me for doing what we did. she said that she felt more in prison being out on the streets. she visited the mental health facility and they put her back on antidepressants. she says she is feeling much better and is starting to feel like her old self. she thanked me for putting her mom in her place. she said that she isn't going to talk to her this time because she feels like her mom doesn't really help with her recovery. she has many crimes against her and i think she may be in prison for a few years. i keep starting to write her but then get interupted. i might try to sit down this weekend and write her a long letter. i feel so much better now that she's written me. i know she'll get better again and maybe this time it will be for good. thanks for your support.

my family is similar as they are all very miserable and no one wants to try to do anything to change that. every time i talk to any of them, they just drain energy from me. so i've stopped calling. when they call me i listen and i chat but other then that i stay away. they haven't noticed one bit. i don't really care either. i deserve my peace and happiness too don't i? i think so. good luck with your dad. maybe it's time to just let the subject of his addiction go. you can't help him unti he wants to help himself. at least, that's what everyone keeps telling me.

Pugs
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konphusion26
post Jan 30 2008, 07:34 AM
Post #32


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Posts: 737
From: In My own lil world...


LMP you did a good thing darling!!!!! I hope your cousin gets better and stays away from drugs period. She is going to definitely need you guys for support. Hang in there babe!

I wish that we could find a way to intervene with my dad. I talked to him the day before my birthday and he was actually somewhat lucid/sober. But the convo was so short, LOL I guess he was afraid I'd mention his alcoholism to him. But I'm done trying to talk to him bout it honestly. My sanity is worth more than arguing with this man for the 17th year in a row.


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Faith is hoping for and believing in things you cannot see!
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bunnyb
post Jan 29 2008, 04:57 PM
Post #33


The artist now known as I don't give a shit.
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bumping for people


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"Hey, did anyone ever think Sylvia Plath wasn't crazy, maybe she was just cold? " (Lorelai Gilmore)
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LoveMyPugs
post Jan 8 2008, 09:27 PM
Post #34







Thanks...she called her dad today and made him promise to tell me and my dad that she is not angry. She understands why we did what we did. Her brother also called me to thank me today. I'm doing much better. I have great family and friends to lean on. That, "God did I make a huge mistake?" feeling is starting to go away.

Thanks again,

Pugs
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missladyj
post Jan 8 2008, 05:26 PM
Post #35


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Posts: 1,103
From: chi town


(((((Pugs))))

You did the right thing. Your cousin is lucky to have you as a friend.
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konphusion26
post Jan 7 2008, 11:19 AM
Post #36


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Posts: 737
From: In My own lil world...


QUOTE(LoveMyPugs @ Jan 7 2008, 11:14 AM) *
WARNING: VERY LONG POST AHEAD!

Yesterday was the worst day of my life.

At the beginning of the month I found my cousin’s myspace account. She hadn’t been on since the middle of December. I sent her a message telling her that I was terrified for her and wanted to know if she was all right since she’s been missing for over a month. She stole a car and a lot of money and was out on a heroin binge.

All in all it was the worst day of my life. I’m glad it’s over but it’s actually just beginning. At least she’s safe.

Thanks for listening.

Dang LMP... that was so traumatic! I'm freaking out just reading it. But I'm proud of your courage and your dad's courage to help your cousin. That was amazing. God bless you guys. Hopefully now, she can start over and I pray that God will heal her-- he's the ONLY one who can get rid of that addiction. WOw.... I got choked up just now!


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LoveMyPugs
post Jan 7 2008, 09:57 AM
Post #37







WARNING: VERY LONG POST AHEAD!

Yesterday was the worst day of my life.

At the beginning of the month I found my cousin’s myspace account. She hadn’t been on since the middle of December. I sent her a message telling her that I was terrified for her and wanted to know if she was all right since she’s been missing for over a month. She stole a car and a lot of money and was out on a heroin binge.

I was figuring that with everything that was going on with her she sure as hell wouldn’t stop what she was doing to locate a computer and check her myspace account but I figured what the hell it’s worth a try.

A week later I get a message back from her that can only be described as a suicide note. She said that she wants to die and that no matter what happens she loves me and I’ll always have special place in her heart. She said she had no hope this time and that this has been the worst relapse of her life. It was a very sad letter.

Of course, I messaged her back and told her that there is always hope. That I have nothing but hope for her and she just needs it for her self. I told her that she had to call me. I begged her in this letter to please, please call me. I’d come to her and take her to detox. I mean I really put my heart into this short message just begging her to call me so I could get her on the phone. I knew if I could get her on the phone I could get her to meet me and then possibly get her into the car and take her to detox or jail. I just had to try.

Yesterday around 2:30 p.m. I get this phone call. It’s a number in the city. I answer it and low and behold it’s her. She said that she just read my myspace message on a computer at the library and wanted me to come get her and take her to detox. She said she’d meet me at the mall and that she wanted me there alone. I told her I was on my way and after I hung up with her I went and threw up in the bathroom because I was so overjoyed at hearing from her yet freaking out about what was about to happen.

First person I called was my dad. He freaked out as well. He was so glad that she called me. We talked about taking her to detox. He said, “She’ll just leave again. She won’t stay. Her parents and friends want her arrested. That’s the only way she’ll come through this.” I agreed and he told me he was going to go to the mall, to the police station they have there to get some help. He told me to turn my phone to vibrate and wait for him.

So I got to the mall and I’m standing in front of Macy’s waiting for her. My dad was in the parking lot but I couldn’t pick him out. Next thing I know she pulls up in the stolen car she was driving. The bumper was about to fall off because she was in an accident last week with it. She looked awful. Dirty, smelled, high and paranoid out of her mind, looking over her shoulder and mine ever second from the start.

As soon as she got out of the car she picked my dad out of the parking lot. She said, “Is that your dad? I told you not to bring anyone. Are their cops her waiting for me? I’m not comfortable. I’m leaving. Why are you doing this?”

So now she is freaking out and about to run. I said, “There isn’t anyone here but him and me. We did call the police and they won’t come out because they don’t have an officer in the vicinity. I said we talk, get a cup of coffee and just relax and then I’ll take you to detox.”

So we are walking through Macy’s towards the food court. She’s yelling at me that I need to stop saying detox because everyone can hear and she’s already ashamed enough as it is. She was so agitated that at one point I just stopped talking and decided to just listen to her talk. We got coffee and the whole time my Dad is blowing my phone up in my pocket trying to get a hold of me. I was so scared to answer it because I didn’t want to spook her. Finally, I said to her, “I have to answer my phone. My dad is in the parking lot and he’s worried about me and wants to know if I’m okay.” She said fine and she stepped away for a minute.

When I answered the phone my dad said that he was trying to get the police to come out but they wanted her date of birth and social security number and he didn’t have those things and he was fighting them every step of the way. I told him I was in the food court and I had to hang up. He said once we got outside to call him back.

So her and I walk through the food court and I asked if we could walk around the outside of the mall because I was so fucking hot inside. After telling her that nothing was going on and that I honestly was just hot she agreed to go outside.

We walked around and she just talked about wanting to go to detox but she didn’t “need” me to take her. She knows she’s going to jail and she is dealing with that. She talked about how much she hates her mother and how much she hates the demon inside her. She talked about her friends and how they always abandon her when she relapses. She said she just didn’t understand what went wrong this time. She was doing so well and working so hard. She cried and yelled and cried some more. The whole time I’m just listening, asking questions and trying to be there for her.

Meanwhile, my dad is walking the mall trying to find us because I didn’t call him when I got outside. He finds a State Trooper and tells him what’s going on. The cop checks his PDA and sees that she has five warrants out for her arrest. He asks my dad if he’s called me recently. My dad said that I wasn’t answering my phone. The cop asked why and I think he was concerned for me at that point.

Her and I finally stopped walking and were just standing in front of the mall entrance. This time I got a text message on my phone from my dad saying CALL ME RIGHT NOW!!! I told her that I had to call my dad again. She said fine and she stepped away from me. She was much calmer at this point. My dad said, “Where are you right now?” I told him I was at the mall entrance to the left of Macy’s. He said, “Stay there, we are on our way.”

We started to talk about her recovery again and the next thing I know, out of now where, there is a cop behind me. He said, are you _____ _____? She said yes and he turned her around and handcuffed her. They took her and faced her against the brick wall and read her rights to her. She didn’t run or fight thank God and they were gentle. People were staring and one guy even laughed at her. I tell you if I had a gun I would have shot that prick I the face without hesitating. I was crying. My dad tried to hug her and kiss her on the forehead and she jerked away from him. He started crying and just came and hugged me. He told me he was so scared when I wouldn’t answer my phone but that he understood that I was just trying to keep her calm.

We stayed with her while the State Troopers questioned her. I told them about the stolen car which then meant that she had to be turned over to the county. So we were waiting for the county cops to show up. She wouldn’t even look at us.

Finally she asked if she could have a cigarette. The cop said yes and since we were all going to be there for a while my dad and I ran out to get her a pack. When we got back she was allowed to step outside and smoke. I had to help her since she was cuffed.

I asked her if she hated us and she said no. She said she knew what was going to happen the moment she stepped out of the car. I asked her why she stayed and didn’t run if she knew. She said she didn’t want to run anymore because she was tired.

We stayed with her until the owners of the car showed up. The cop had to remove the drugs and needles from the car before they could take it. They had taken the cuffs off for a time being and then when they were about to take her away the cuffed her again. Her boyfriend showed up and she immediately lost her shit again and started crying and wouldn’t look at any of us. I told her I loved her and I would write her all the time once she was settled. I found out that her and two friends mugged a woman last week in Pennsylvania for her purse. The police said she has warrants in Pennsylvania, Delaware and Maryland and will be in jail for quite some time. I told the officer that she really needed to be on suicide watch because she had sent me and another friend suicide notes on her myspace. He said he’d note that.

When I finally got back to my parents I was exhausted. My aunt then called to tell me that my cousin had been arrested at the mall for shoplifting. I flipped out. I said, “Where did you hear that?” She said my cousin’s boyfriend called her and told her that. I told her that was complete bullshit and I told her the whole story. She then, being the selfish bitch that she is, started to tell me all about her day, what she did, shopping and what not. I listened to all that bullshit and then I lost my shit on her. I told her that I didn’t want to hear about her. I wanted to tell her about her daughter and everything that happened. I told her I needed to personally process what I did to my best friend today. I was screaming at her with everything I had. I’ve never been so angry in my entire life. My mom, my dad and my sister were just sitting there listening to me. My sister held my hand the entire time.

My aunt finally said, “I wouldn’t even have called if I knew. Why don’t you just hang up on me if you feel that way.” AND I DID!!! I hung the fuck up on her. I was so upset that I was shaking something fierce and I was dizzy and felt nauseous.

After I calmed down I ate some dinner and my mom, me and my sister all talked for over an hour trying to work through the day together. I went home, mixed myself a strong drink and then told the whole story to Mr. Pug.

Today, my face looks like I’ve been beat up from crying and getting sick. Today I did nothing but sleep in because I was so freaking exhausted. I’m not sure if we did the right thing. At times after she calmed down she looked almost relieved to be caught and going to jail. I know I’m relieved that she’ll be able to bath, eat three meals a day and sleep in a bed. I know I’ll sleep at night now knowing where she is. I just hope I did the right thing and she’ll get better. At least she’ll be alive.

My dad called her dad and he said that him and his brother just hired a private investigator yesterday to track her down. He said he was so grateful that we found her and had her arrested. He cried to my dad on the phone.

I called her brother and her best friend and told them. Her brother is in jail so I actually called his girlfriend and not him. She promised to tell him everything. Her best friend was proud of us. She said we did the right thing and that was what she needed. She said she’d call us later to see how we were doing.

All in all it was the worst day of my life. I’m glad it’s over but it’s actually just beginning. At least she’s safe.

Thanks for listening.
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LoveMyPugs
post Dec 29 2007, 10:32 PM
Post #38







I'm not really sure where to go to ask this question to so I'm just going to ask here.

My cousin is a heroin addict. Has been for years now. She's been in and out of detox over and over. She's gone to countless rehabs. She's been to prison twice. She's been clean for over a year and just recently completely feel off the wagon. She's been missing for almost four weeks. My mom saw her the other day in Walmart and she said she looks like a complete junkie now. We think she has switched from snorting to shooting up. We think she's prostituting to support her habit. She's stolen money, cars, commited check fraud, broken into houses and what not. It's pretty much the worst it's ever been.

Her and I are very close and all this has been very hard on my family and me. I was wondering if anyone knew of any kind of a support line to call for family of heroin addicts. Shit, I'd even go to group meetings if it meant I could share this with someone else. I can't seem to find one that isn't an hour away from my home. Chirstmas was very hard without her being around and not knowing where she is. I'd just like someone to talk to about it who understands what I'm going through being so sick with worry for her. Anything anyone could offer would be a huge help.

Thanks!

Love,

Pugs
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konphusion26
post Dec 7 2007, 01:26 PM
Post #39


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 737
From: In My own lil world...


QUOTE(deschatsrouge @ Dec 6 2007, 02:17 PM) *
I'm bumping this thread for Konphusion26.

Hey I didnt know this thread existed. But yeah.. my dad is an alcoholic. Its not been an easy road. I've heard that addicts can only recover if they really want to. I guess he doesn't want to because every attempt to get him help, he refuses. Oh well, what can ya do??


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deschatsrouge
post Dec 6 2007, 01:00 PM
Post #40


A symphony of atrocities.
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From: The Sage Brush Steppes


I'm bumping this thread for Konphusion26.


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"Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live." -Exodus 22:18
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