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> BustSecret: Ordinary Confessions from Extraordinary Busties
lapis
post Sep 28 2009, 09:05 PM
Post #921


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 187


I'm scared I'll never finish and all of these people are believing in me for nothing. I'm terrified that I'm a crap model for my daughter living this totally entitled life. My family could support me forever but life should be more meaningful than that. It's almost impossible for me to get my head clear enough to think about my thesis let alone write it. I don't want to hire out a mommy to take care of the kid but at the same time it seems impossible to get anything done. I think about consulting with yogis, professors, and others with mystical talents but what it all comes down to is this is the hole I've dug. I need to do my work and move on. But the scary thing is not knowing if there will be any jobs when I finish.

#2 i am kind of slobby and hate it. I wish I could keep everything super clean but it feels like entropy follows me around.

#3 These are the unsavory things i think about all the time. then I get freaked out for being so negative.

thanks for letting me share.
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auralpoison
post Sep 28 2009, 08:55 PM
Post #922


Big Fat Bitch
***
Posts: 4,932
From: Citizen of the world


It's barely ten pm here, but I'm sure I'll still be awake in six hours when you're all asleep.

Pers, I do know that at least one Bustie was embarrassed by wanting to ask a dumb question & set up a whole other profile to do it. I wasn't sure why, the question wasn't dumb & it's not as though we'd have stoned her or something.


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"You're cute, like a velvet glove cast in iron. And like a gas chamber, a real fun gal."
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zoya
post Sep 28 2009, 08:54 PM
Post #923


uh huh.
***
Posts: 1,818
From: the world.


hi persiflager!! I'm up too!!!

can't sleep, feh.

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Persiflager
post Sep 28 2009, 08:52 PM
Post #924


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 721
From: Babylon


Confession: I'm really glad that there's a discussion happening in the dating thread now, as it's 4am and I can't sleep and it's making me feel less lonely.

Confession: Sometime: when I get bored, I fantasise about setting up another login to start arguments on the board. Not a troll, just a shit-stirrer - entertain me, people!

(I promise that I won't)

Confession: Now I'm wondering if other people do that....


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“Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence.”
Morris Kline (mathematician, author) 1908-1992
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culturehandy
post Sep 28 2009, 12:26 PM
Post #925


(o)(o)
***
Posts: 11,350
From: Oh boobs


RoseyV, I know things will work out for you. Perhaps, as devastating as this was, it was not meant to be at this exact moment (not to say it will never happen, heavens no!). not to say what you are feeling isn't devastating, but I give you an example of what happened to me in February of last year.

Last year I did not get into grad school, i was devasted, I thought my life was over, I thought I was stuck as a social worker forever. Well, at the time, my dad also got really sick (imagine being in grad school when that shit went down). Fast forward to this year, I got sick, you're aware of the history there, looking at where I am now, I'm glad that I didn't get in.

Moral of the story, things will work out, just keeping on putting yourself out there, you don't know if you don't try. I know it's hard and it sucks, especially when it's something that is your passion and theatre is something written into who you are. I know you were talking about grad school, could you do something in furthering your education in performing arts?


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Hatred does not cease in this world by hating, but by not hating; this is an eternal truth. --- Buddah, The Dhammapada
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roseviolet
post Sep 28 2009, 08:47 AM
Post #926


Pacifism kicks ass!
***
Posts: 3,064


((((((((((CH, GT, Raisin, Zoya, AP)))))))))))))))
Thanks so much for the support. I just wish it weren't so much more difficult to break into theater here. I've been working on this for about 6 months now - since the big audition back in April. I thought I did really well at that audition, but none of those 13 directors called me back. That meant I would not appear in any plays for a whole year. It was a devastating blow to my confidence. Since then I've taken a few small steps and made some thin, tenuous connections, but shyness has prevented me from taking these opportunities to their best advantage. I'm grateful for the tiny bit of progress that I've made, but DAMN is it ever SLOW! The theatrical community is far more welcoming and open in the other places where I've lived. If this were New York, Chicago, or LA, I could understand why it would be difficult. But this place? There's no excuse for it to be so closed off. Still, I'm doing what I can. I've realized that the only way I can get ahead is by networking and meeting people. Unfortunately, there are VERY few opportunities for me to do that and this weekend was my biggest opportunity in months. And I threw it away. That's what made this especially devastating.

Anyway. Not all is lost. It could have been worse. I could have burst into tears in front of Director Guy and everyone else! Now THAT would have been disastrous!
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culturehandy
post Sep 28 2009, 08:33 AM
Post #927


(o)(o)
***
Posts: 11,350
From: Oh boobs


I spent a shade of money on a new bag. and it's read. and it's lovely.

it's also for my birfday! so I'm getting the money back.

anyways, here it is.

I confess, I spent 173.00 on said bag.


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Hatred does not cease in this world by hating, but by not hating; this is an eternal truth. --- Buddah, The Dhammapada
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auralpoison
post Sep 27 2009, 09:50 PM
Post #928


Big Fat Bitch
***
Posts: 4,932
From: Citizen of the world


RV, with the amount of joy you took in merely playing sick for med students, it's not surprising to me that you wigged out a little after seeing the play. Your soul is crying out for you to get back up on those boards! Listen to the Busties, we love you, we support you, follow your muse!


--------------------
"You're cute, like a velvet glove cast in iron. And like a gas chamber, a real fun gal."
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zoya
post Sep 27 2009, 08:35 AM
Post #929


uh huh.
***
Posts: 1,818
From: the world.


I'm with GT, Rose - I find that when life wants me to feel something that strongly, it means that I should follow what life is telling me. It's never ever been wrong when I've chosen to follow that. Go for it, woman! follow your muse!!
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raisingirl
post Sep 27 2009, 07:36 AM
Post #930


PANTIES! ew.
***
Posts: 1,762


Echoing what the others have said. I went to a reading this weekend and didn't stay afterwards to talk to the writer. I should have, but I didn't. You're not the only one.
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girltrouble
post Sep 26 2009, 08:07 PM
Post #931


new highs in personal lows daily!
***
Posts: 4,307
From: wherever ink is put in skin...


(((rosey)))
while actors are supposed to be able to soldier on, most don't. we've got an artist's temperament, and feel things very deeply. which is how you access those emotions when you are on stage. from where i stand, i don't see a thing wrong with your needing to get that crying out of your system. you've got your heart on your sleeve, and it makes perfect sense. that profession is fraught with rejection. it leaves you raw and fragile no matter who you are. you want to get back into this thing that brought you joy, but, i think you realize this isn't going to be easy. it's gonna take some work, and that's a bit scary. don't beat yourself up for it. you remember the mantra every acting teacher said? use it. use those experiences. and when you get them put down little markers so you can find them again. but don't feel bad, don't feel shame. just use it. right your ship, turn it around, and take another little step in the right direction.

seriously, that you felt that deeply-- says to me that this is exactly what you should be doing, and you are fantastic at it. get back in there champ, and kick their asses!
wub.gif wub.gif wub.gif


--------------------

"what a swell farewell party! we said goodbye to everything, including the lining in my stomach." - garvey, from the film, born bad

"That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted." --margo channing, all about eve
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culturehandy
post Sep 26 2009, 04:29 PM
Post #932


(o)(o)
***
Posts: 11,350
From: Oh boobs


(((((RV))))) you are an amazing woman, keep your head up, things WILL work out for you. Acting is deeply engrained in you and it is NOT frilly or self indulgent.

Freck, I'm so with GT, you are awesome!!!


--------------------
Hatred does not cease in this world by hating, but by not hating; this is an eternal truth. --- Buddah, The Dhammapada
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roseviolet
post Sep 26 2009, 03:06 PM
Post #933


Pacifism kicks ass!
***
Posts: 3,064


Thanks, Freck. The house is 22 years old, so it's at that point where it's time to start replacing things. We bought it 2&1/2 years ago and there is no warranty. I agree that we should deal with the possible foundation problems first. I'm starting to think that the problem with the ceiling in our bedroom may not have anything to do with a roof leak after all. For one thing, there is no staining. Secondly, our attic is above the bedroom & there's no evidence of water damage there. So perhaps it's something else. We shall see.


Confession: Went to a play last night and burst into tears on the way home. The play was okay - good but not great. However, watching others perform is becoming very painful for me. I told Sheff that it's as if I am a painter whose arms were chopped off and now it's agonizingly painful every time I go to a museum or an art opening. I know I need to get past this, but I've been feeling more fragile lately and it's harder to put on a brave face than it used to be. That's not a good quality in an actor. We're ALWAYS supposed to be able to flick on that light and fake it.

The suckiest part? The main reason why I went was so that I could say hi to Director Guy afterward (he had the leading role) & maybe be introduced to other theater people like his wife. This was supposed to be a great networking opportunity. Instead I crumbled & ran home. Ugh.


Sorry for being a thread hog, gang. I know this sounds silly and frivilous and self-indulgent. However, acting has been such a huge part of my heart for so long. It's what makes me feel connected to the world and to people. Without it, I feel disconnected from, well, everything ... including myself.
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freckleface7
post Sep 25 2009, 02:31 PM
Post #934


beachcomber
***
Posts: 1,200
From: societal fringe


QUOTE(roseviolet @ Sep 25 2009, 01:52 PM) *
Confession: I feel like our house is crumbling around us. I suspect that our foundation is fucked up, which is causing some of our doors to stick and subtle cracks to appear in our walls. I'm afraid our roof is leaking because a patch of the popcorn ceiling in our bedroom fell off this morning. Our back door started leaking during the bad rainstorm that hit this week. The crack in the driveway looks like it may have gotten larger. And lord only knows what else is wrong that I can't even see. Plus a couple trees in the back garden appear to have died & they need to be taken down & many of the other trees could use some trimming, too. And the furnace needs to be serviced. And we need to get a termite inspection done. And the property taxes are due. And and and and ...
I don't know where to start and I'm scared by how much this will cost.

Confession: At times like this, I wish we were still renting. sad.gif

((((((((rv)))))) in the last 2 or 3 years, we've dealt w/ pretty much all of that (minus the driveway issue).
I'd say Prioritize things and go from there. the furnace I'd honestly put towards the bottom bc w/ Fall the temps should be mellowing finally & it's good ways off til you'll be needing heat.
the foundation and leaks however- ASAP. if your foundation is shifting, that could be causing your ceiling to leak.
we got really really lucky & our leak had a totally simple & cheap ($20**) repair, but we still know we need to replace the whole thing when we can as it's as old as the house now.
the foundation was a whole other story & we learned it had been built/repaired cheaply & wrongly but it was too late from when we bought our house to take anyone to court.
- when did you purchase your home?
I'd first hire a good Home Inspector to go over the whole place & write out his findings for you.
yes you'll probably pay $2-300**, but that could ultimately save you a lot too from unscrupulous seperate contactors & repair people.
- do you still have any sort of Home Warranty or what about Insurance?
you might be suprised about what could be covered (esp roofing sometimes).
- feeling your pain ~

confession: I'm pretty sure we're about to get a 3rd dog.


--------------------
I'm gonna let it shine
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roseviolet
post Sep 25 2009, 12:52 PM
Post #935


Pacifism kicks ass!
***
Posts: 3,064


Confession: I feel like our house is crumbling around us. I suspect that our foundation is fucked up, which is causing some of our doors to stick and subtle cracks to appear in our walls. I'm afraid our roof is leaking because a patch of the popcorn ceiling in our bedroom fell off this morning. Our back door started leaking during the bad rainstorm that hit this week. The crack in the driveway looks like it may have gotten larger. And lord only knows what else is wrong that I can't even see. Plus a couple trees in the back garden appear to have died & they need to be taken down & many of the other trees could use some trimming, too. And the furnace needs to be serviced. And we need to get a termite inspection done. And the property taxes are due. And and and and ...
I don't know where to start and I'm scared by how much this will cost.

Confession: At times like this, I wish we were still renting. sad.gif
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girltrouble
post Sep 24 2009, 08:41 PM
Post #936


new highs in personal lows daily!
***
Posts: 4,307
From: wherever ink is put in skin...


freckninja, you are so awesome!


--------------------

"what a swell farewell party! we said goodbye to everything, including the lining in my stomach." - garvey, from the film, born bad

"That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted." --margo channing, all about eve
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freckleface7
post Sep 24 2009, 12:04 PM
Post #937


beachcomber
***
Posts: 1,200
From: societal fringe


kittenb: maud knows I'm past the wedding stage, but I get such a wad out of looking at dresses still, you are so right- it IS like porn !
your secret is safe w/ me wink.gif cool.gif

gt: sweetie, no condemnation, but ohhhh baby. gird your heart if your head is taking a vacation.

confession: I went in to Planned Parenthood again today & made phone calls for them, and hung out w/ the Director & another staffer & felt trully accepted & valued. and then they asked if they were going to see me at the Open House I was making the phone calls for, and I said ' Oh- am I invited?' (bc honest I nevever assume anything) and they said " of course!" like DUH!
this seriously might be one of the smartest moves I've ever made.
now if only they had a job opening & one I was qualified for so I could get paid to work there...



--------------------
I'm gonna let it shine
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kittenb
post Sep 24 2009, 08:37 AM
Post #938


There is nothing ironic about Show Choir!
***
Posts: 3,261
From: Chicago


I bought the In Style: Weddings edition with Christina Hendricks. I just want to look at her in pretty white dresses. Now I have to find a place to hide it like the dirty porn it is. ph34r.gif


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In times of destruction, create something.
MHK
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girltrouble
post Sep 24 2009, 01:57 AM
Post #939


new highs in personal lows daily!
***
Posts: 4,307
From: wherever ink is put in skin...


yay! that's awesome ketto!


confession:hung out with mr. t today. i forgot how sweet she is to me. she loves complementing me, and did repeatedly. she puts up with my talking on and on about nothing, but does it like i'm saying the most important thing in the world. on the ride home i fell asleep, my head on her shoulder, our arms intertwined. sad.gif


--------------------

"what a swell farewell party! we said goodbye to everything, including the lining in my stomach." - garvey, from the film, born bad

"That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted." --margo channing, all about eve
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raisingirl
post Sep 23 2009, 07:09 AM
Post #940


PANTIES! ew.
***
Posts: 1,762


Nah, I don't have plans to sign up for a course. While I tend to be a very structured person and would benefit from a class in another circumstance, I'm motivated enough to do this on my own (and I think I only say this because my math score won't matter). Plus, I'm only taking the test once, so I think there's less of a tendency to slack off. If anything, I'd be resentful for paying for a class when half of the schools I'm applying to don't even require that the GRE be taken! Anyway, I really appreciate your votes of confidence for being an "older" student. I am really excited about it, all of it!

RV, I think GRE scores are good for three years. It's not too late. Putting the bug in your ear, heh heh!
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