The Lounge Guidelines Help Search Members Calendar Blogs

Welcome Guest [ Log In | Register ] ]

294 Pages V  « < 285 286 287 288 289 > »   
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> BustSecret: Ordinary Confessions from Extraordinary Busties
livelyupurself
post May 12 2006, 03:00 PM
Post #5721


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 342


I've been watching this thread, wanting to post but avoiding it too. This thread scares the hell out of me too. I've typed out posts several times and then just closed the browser.

(((miss jane))) the loss of a pet can be just as difficult, they are loved ones too. That does not, by any stretch, make you weird.

(((gardnerella))) I'm sorry sweetie. I had an abusive step dad too. He used to slap me around when mom wasn't there, and always intimidated me when she was. I always thought she wouldn't believe me, because he used to turn on the water works and cry to her about how all he wanted was me to be a "good girl" and how it broke his heart when I would talk back to him and why was I so difficult, blah blah blah. As the eldest, was the target of his rage and his favorite scab to pick on. Mom worked long hours and was gone a lot of the time so I had a lot of responsibility. I was a really good kid, straight A's, I did housework beyond normal chores, made breakfast, our lunches and cooked dinner, cleaned the entire house (god forbid there was ever a dish in the sink or a piece of laundry unwashed), did everyones laundry (and was not allowed to use the dryer unless it was raining, so I had to hang dry EVERYTHING), cleaned the pool, picked up the yard after the dogs, cleaned mine and little brothers room, all while babysitting everyday after school, helping him with homework and still maintaining my own grades. I even did the breakfast dishes before leaving for school. I was never allowed to go to a friends house or really play outside, too much work to do. Whenever wicked stepdad was angry about anything, even if it was about a neighbor, something on the news, the car breaking down, etc. he would stare straight at me while he was yelling about it. I grew up feeling like everything was my fault and as a result was a very worrisome, depressed child. It has also caused me to be defensive and prone to bouts of depression as an adult. I'm sure that is where my excess weight stems from too.

When I was fifteen, things began to fall apart or him. I grew taller than him and mouthy. One morning I "accidentally-on purpose" tripped and spilled the hot coffee I was serving him all over him. I fantised about running him over in an 18 wheeler big rig. He was supposedly teaching me to drive but it was so traumatic, I refused to get drivers license until I was nearly 30. The worst was when I had strep throat and it was sprinkling out so mom told me to stay in bed. A neighbors son and close friend of mine, and my best friend were there watching tv. Stepbastard cornered me in the kitchen and told me to go out and clean the pool. When I said mom told me not to do anything, he hit me as hard as he could in the right ear. My head rang, but the pain my ear was so exruciating it bordered on numbness. My friend/neighbor went after him and therfore was banned from our house. My mom took me to the ER when she got home and I lied about what happened and said I was hit by a basketball. I still have partial hearing loss from that. Soon after my best friend and I were hanging out at the house while mom was at a church meeting. I had a tee shirt on that said "God's Last Name Is Not Damnit" which at the time, I thought was the coolest, heh. He was bitching at me about something as usual and he said "And GODDAMNIT..." so I looked at him while pointing at my shirt. He grabbed me by the hair and pushed my face up against a wall. I elbowed him and ran straight out the front door accross the street and in the front door of our neighbors house, sreaming. He came after me sreaming that he was going beat the living fuck out of me, but the husband went out and told him to get the hell off his property and that I was not coming out until my mother came to get me. He made my poor bf get in the car and took her home, crying and scared. The neighbor drove over to the church, pulled mom out of her meeting, demanded that if she did not get us kids out the house of that abusive monster immediately, that regardless of how much he loved her and knew she was a loving mother, he was going to report her to social services. Apparently they had been waiting for proof of his abuse and had spoken to my mother about it earlier that same day. We moved out that evening. He stalked us too. Eventually he moved back to Chicago. I had the chance later in life to make him squirm and in 1998 he killed himself with an overdose of heroin. This from a man that never so much as smoked a cigarette. At his funeral people thought I was crying when really I was laughing with my hands over my face at all the morons carrying on about what a loving man and father he had been. Yeah, that was not the one I got, that's for damn sure.

WHEW.

ETA Sorry for the length of that post. It feels damned good to get it out though. Be back later for shorter, juicy confessions...
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
freckleface2727
post May 12 2006, 02:47 PM
Post #5722


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 937
From: east coast


((((miss jane gardernella))))))
I hurt for both of you in different ways.


--------------------
I am a *spark* in this world; get lit.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
ginger_kitty
post May 12 2006, 02:01 PM
Post #5723


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 1,237


(((gardnerella)))
(((missjane))) don't feel wierd about that. When my parrot died unexpectedly I held her for about an hour. And I pet her and told her how sorry I was. I also took special care in wrapping her and burried w/ a few of her favorite things and a photo of my husband and I. We were closer to her than we are most people. Pet deaths are very tramatic!

must leave before I get teary....



--------------------
-We are here on Earth to fart around. Don't let anybody tell you any different.

-What we think, we become.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
culturehandy
post May 12 2006, 02:01 PM
Post #5724


(o)(o)
***
Posts: 11,350
From: Oh boobs


((Gardnerella)) I hope you feel okay!

((Miss_Jane)) I am sorry for your loss, when my dog dies I was a mess, particularly when we got him cremated and we got the ashes. Ugh.


--------------------
Hatred does not cease in this world by hating, but by not hating; this is an eternal truth. --- Buddah, The Dhammapada
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
mornington
post May 12 2006, 01:49 PM
Post #5725


now running on biodiesel and sacrificial blood
***
Posts: 2,227
From: the little house on the hill


I don't care whether or not it's ok to reply.

(((miss jane)))
when my guinea pig, soda, died, I spent a while talking to her. And wrapped her up myself - before crying with my remaining 'pig in my lap. A pet is definitely family, you have every right to cry and mourn.

I want two dogs, not one. They will be my subsitute children.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
crazyoldcatlady
post May 12 2006, 01:26 PM
Post #5726


the moistiest
***
Posts: 1,700
From: here. in my head.


((miss jane))
i'm sorry to hear about your rat, a pet is still a family member and it still hurts; made me think of my poor kitty... can't cry... have... fake... eyelashes on...

(and i suppose it's ok to reply?)
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
alligator
post May 12 2006, 01:26 PM
Post #5727


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 106


I, uh, know all the words to all the songs in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
miss_jane
post May 12 2006, 12:39 PM
Post #5728


BUSTie
**
Posts: 34
From: UK


(((gardnerella))) My SO had an abusive stepfather as well, so while obv. I have no idea what you went through, I see what effect it has had on him.

Are we supposed to reply to other peoples posts? I don't know.

When I was little my mum told me it was ok to pee in the bath because it is good for your skin :-)

My pet rat died today. I spent half an hour stroking and hugging her body. Nobody knows because my mum - the only person who understands how upset i was - would think I was weird. It made me feel a lot better. I spent a long time wrapping the body. Just so she would feel comfortable in the box.

Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
gardnerella
post May 12 2006, 12:06 PM
Post #5729


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 194


This isn't something I'm necessarily ashamed of but I've never told anyone this (by the way I'm surprised so many people list peeing in the shower as a secret confession. I do it when the mood strikes and I've even peed while taking a bath. Hah!)

My mother and my stepfather divorced when I was 8. He used to physically and verbally/emotionally abuse me. Which is interesting, on a side note, what preceded their divorce was when I was caught shoplifting with my friends at the mall (if I had just turned around and went home I never would have been caught!). The security people had to call our parents and I didn't want them to call my step-father who was home at the time so I told them no one was available to call. When they said I'd have to go with child services until my parents came, that's when I broke down and said, "You can't call my dad or he'll hurt me." So, naturally they called protective services or whoever as well as my step-father and my mom. Anyway, that was the straw that broke the camel's back. Later on after custody battles, I know longer saw him. This is when he began to stalk us up until the time I helped my mother move out of town when I was 19 and I later moved out of town as well. He would drive by our house 30 times a night and look in our windows. When we were living in our old house, I guess he still had a key because once we came home and he had been on the computer playing mah jong and ran out the back door. He never did anything violent. He was just annoying, embarassing and harassive. Mainly he just drove by our house and occasionally sent us stupid letters saying, "I hope you're okay, Happy Birthday" or something like that. Of course, my mom had an order of protection and a restraining order and we went to the police whenever he sent us letters or drove by our house a lot. But the police would never do anything about it because they said they couldn't prove it. He would also stalk my mom's friends and boyfriends and that would really set off her bi-polar-ness even more. My mom also took it out on me when we went to the police. I really didn't want to go and give statements (I was 9,10,or 11 at the time) - sometimes I did but even then she would say I wasn't telling the police everything I knew like I was trying to downplay it or, "what the hell is the matter with you! Do you want them to put me in the ground! That's what you want, don't you?! He said he was going to ruin me financially and you're going to let him!" That's also something I'll always resent my mother for - not just her emotional abuse but how she can create scenarios where we are arguing about literally nothing and we're screaming at each other and she just won't leave me alone know matter what so the only thing I was able to do to get away was to hurt her or hurt myself. Ended the argument everytime. Back to my step-father for a minute. When I was in 11th grade, I was walking down the busy hallways to go to lunch and this teacher-guy is to my right and says, "Hi." I gave a shallow hi back and kept walking. I was stunned. It was my step-father. He got a job as a substitute teacher at my fucking high school. It took me a few minutes to accept that it was him. I hadn't really seen him in a long time. Sometimes I saw his car drive by and I knew it was him but I was very good at ignoring it. He looked a lot older and greyer and smaller than when I was a kid (of course). I cried when I came home for lunch and called my mom and I couldn't even speak so she came over and found out what happened and called the school and threatened to sue. When I was a kid, I was really embarassed by all the stalking but now that I'm older I don't necessarily feel embarassed by it. I just wish I had had different parents (surprise, surprise). I really can't relate to my mom at all and if we didn't look so much alike I would think I was adopted or something. And I really resent her for putting me in bad situations with her ex-husband and boyfriends when I was a kid. That I could have done without. I really don't and haven't told anyone about my mom or my past.


Hmm, what else... I think I might have been molested when I was two. I don't have any memory of it but when I was that age my mother noticed I was acting different and I think she might have said I was sucking my fingers or sucking at things a lot. I'm not sure exactly what she said. My mom took me to a person she knew who was getting their masters in psychology and had me draw good touch, bad touch on a stick figure. Green crayons were for good touch, red were for bad touch. I drew the mouth red. Honestly, I have no idea whether I was just drawing red lips or whether I was molested. My mom told me that her friend said it was possible that I might have been molested but it would be hard to prove. After that, my mom asked my babysitter about it and the babysitter became upset and I think she left me with some teenage boys who were relatives of her's. I'm not sure. I can't really remember the story accurately. So I guess those teenage boys made me perform oral sex on them when I was two. I guess that's what the good touch/bad touch drawing implied. I'm not sure. And I'm assuming my mom at least fired the babysitter. Looks like I'll have to ask her about it again someday.


Well, that's all for today! This feels strangely therapeutic and I feel, like... good. :-)
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
freckleface2727
post May 12 2006, 11:05 AM
Post #5730


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 937
From: east coast


I still cyber stalk ( that sounds so harsh bc I really only still read in the threads I know she used to post at, but I don't harrass or post back) my ex best friend who I "broke up with" like 2 year ago now.
I don't know why I do it. I know she is crazy & toxic and lied to me about pretty much Everything in our friendship, but sometimes I still miss the good times and her.
and I know (from her posts) that she has more kids now, and that worries me bc I honestly feel I'm probably the only-one who knows how deeply disturbed she really is, including her own husband.
I feel like maybe I can catch her craziness in time to intervene and save them all?


--------------------
I am a *spark* in this world; get lit.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
llamas
post May 12 2006, 09:54 AM
Post #5731


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 309
From: Columbus, OH


I (married girl) am ass-over-teakettle sloppy in lust with an also-married guy of my acquaintance. It's not a big deal, as I would probably never do anything about it, but I can't help feeling rather guilty.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
mandolyn
post May 12 2006, 08:09 AM
Post #5732


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 1,464


i laugh at offensive jokes & racial slurs because i'm afraid of offending the people telling the jokes. i am polite at the expense of my soul.

i go out of my way to avoid confrontation of all kinds. as a result, i'm passive-aggressive to a fault.

i have far too many regrets.


--------------------
"... what i want is what i've not got
and what i need is all around me."
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
funnybird
post May 12 2006, 08:03 AM
Post #5733


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 290
From: London, UK


Yeah, still scared of the dark.
Yeah, liked cocaine far too much.
Yeah, would like to be thinner (despite being already 20 pounds underweight according to my doctor).
Also, I think I may be clinically depressed, and I want to have a baby.

Phew! Glad this is 'anonymous'!


--------------------
What I'm thinking is delicate. If I breathe I might lose it...
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
edie52
post May 12 2006, 07:55 AM
Post #5734


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 1,011
From: back home


Hmm, speaking of karma, it's the reason why I no longer shoplift or get with guys that my friends like. There was a period when I did both a lot but I felt horrible and bad things happened, so now the promise of good karma drives me to be a half-decent human.

I got caught shoplifting twice- some cookie dough when I was really stoned (they took my picture and banned me from the store), and for eating some candy from an opened package at Zellers (okay, I opened the package the day before but they couldn't prove that). They tried to give me a fine, I never paid it.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
culturehandy
post May 12 2006, 07:04 AM
Post #5735


(o)(o)
***
Posts: 11,350
From: Oh boobs


La_sirena, we won't judge you.

Erinjane I also love to take my clothes off in front of a camera.

I think that without money I am nothing.

I am scared I'll be a failure in my career.

I am am exibitionist.

I come here to purge, sometimes a few times daily. It makes me feel better to get ot off my chest, and i feel like I am somehow improving my karma and am no longer rotting on the inside.

There is a man who I want, and I desperately want to know wha he thinks of me, but I know I will be devastated because I don't think he feels the same about me. I can't walk away from him, though, because it seems like something is right and we were meant to be together. I think it is destiny.

Yup, I also pick my nose in my car.




--------------------
Hatred does not cease in this world by hating, but by not hating; this is an eternal truth. --- Buddah, The Dhammapada
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
smurfin
post May 12 2006, 04:30 AM
Post #5736


BUSTie
**
Posts: 73
From: The old world - Europe, that is.


I lost 15 pounds. I am not happier.


btw: thanks, venetia
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
zoya
post May 12 2006, 01:02 AM
Post #5737


uh huh.
***
Posts: 1,818
From: the world.


When I am in a relationship (or just starting one) when things start to change a little (ie: he pulls back a litle which is normal) I think that it's signaling the end and my head starts to spin inside and I start creating chaos and I sabotage things. And then I'm devastated when he gets freaked out and ends it. I've done this numerous times. I hate it.

I have not washed my hair for a week. I work from home and I am too lazy and no one sees me anyway

I struggle with depression and anxiety and no one but a couple of my really close friends know. Everyone else describes me as happy and lighthearted all the time.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
pollystyrene
post May 11 2006, 08:22 PM
Post #5738


Too many mutha uckas, Uckin' with my shi-
***
Posts: 4,631
From: Chicago


((la sirena)) Get help- it sounds like it's really affecting you.


--------------------
You went to school where you were taught to fear and to obey, be cheerful, fit in, or someone might think you're weird.
Life can be perfect. People can be trusted. Someday, I will fall in love; a nice quiet home of my very own.
Free from all the pain. Happy and having fun all the time.
It never happened, did it?
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
la_sirena
post May 11 2006, 08:11 PM
Post #5739


Newbie
*
Posts: 6


I've been absolutely traumatized by something that happened 5 years ago to someone I knew. I don't even feel right about going into detail. This still effects me every single day-my sleep, my concentration, my mental/emotional state. Some days are better than others, but I don't know if it will ever end. I've never sought help or talked to anyone about it.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
amazonprincess
post May 11 2006, 07:40 PM
Post #5740


BUSTie
**
Posts: 98


I like it here a lot and lurk every day yet I don't feel creative, witty, or smart enough(to borrow from others' posts)to post much here. I've only managed a few and mostly in the american idol thread (not sure why)
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

294 Pages V  « < 285 286 287 288 289 > » 
Reply to this topicStart new topic
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

 

Lo-Fi Version Time is now: November 26, 2014 - 06:31 PM