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> Frustrated Singles
knorl05
post Apr 2 2007, 09:37 PM
Post #681


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 819
From: detroit rock city


octobersky: right.. it's awful when they are so obvious about stuff or when they are simply inconsiderate. i sometimes wonder if they think the smart ones dont mind that they arent interested because we are better than their cheap come-ons. after all my years of dating (etc) i've come to the conclusion that men are just as insecure as we are and they need their egos stroked to feel good about themselves. i've seen that yes guys like when women are easy but that's only because they feel the need to prove their manhood by sleeping with a lot of women. i've further found that when a man is ready to settle down, or when he is tired of dealing with meaningless relations, he will begin to look for more substantial connections. i just want the ones that i want to be ready to settle down but then i find that what (i think) i'm attracted to is their elusiveness. humph~ so i guess i need to stop complaining and figure out what i really want.


--------------------
We adore chaos because we love to produce order.
- M.C. Escher
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octobersky
post Apr 2 2007, 05:05 PM
Post #682


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 330
From: Cultural Backwater


Knorl, I'm as clueless as you. I went out Saturday night, saw a few interesting guys, but nobody who appeared "into" me except one. I had been talking to this guy, we were having a pretty lively discussion about politics - nothing terribly heated, but interesting. So I thought "huh maybe he's interested in me" - oh I couldn't have been more off in my thinking! He had excused himself politely and said he would be back, yeah right, next thing I turn around and he's chatting up some seriously tacky hard looking bleach blonde in a skirt that was way too short for her age. He then proceded to ignore me for the rest of the evening. I was rather appalled, I mean he doesn't owe me anything and if she's his type then I'm definately not, but seriously?!? Yeah knorl, doods are or can be dicks.


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anna k
post Apr 2 2007, 08:24 AM
Post #683


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 1,687
From: NYC


I get frustrated when I feel like I'll never be attracted enough to someone to be completly physically open with them. I fantasize a lot about sexual things I want to try, but there isn't anyone who I'm interested enough in to do it with. I thought it would happen with some guys I dated, but I couldn't get up enough interest, and I don't want to troll around Craigslist again because it seems like a wasteland.
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knorl05
post Apr 2 2007, 12:34 AM
Post #684


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 819
From: detroit rock city


doods are dicks. correction, the guys i'm attracted to.. is it so much to ask that the men in my life are not afraid to love? why are so many guys afraid to make real connections with women.. why are dudes afraid to establish real relationships with the opposite sex? why dont they want to explore and appreciate the fundamental aspects of being human..? why do guys just want things that are easy? boo. heavy shit. i know. just thoughts that float through my mind as i go through another phase of development.. so if anyone has any insight, that would be fantastic.


--------------------
We adore chaos because we love to produce order.
- M.C. Escher
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octobersky
post Mar 28 2007, 04:16 PM
Post #685


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 330
From: Cultural Backwater


I recently went back to school and am finally finishing this quarter, to do so I had to go to the main campus. Can I just say how frustrated I am that there are all these incrediably cute college boys who are 10 years too young for me?!?!! It seems a sad reversal now that I have the balls to approach said cuties, I'm too old for 'em. I don't look my age and could fudge it, but I would feel crappy doing so. Dang. Being around all this testosterone has my hormones in overdrive. ACK!!



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Kalevra
post Mar 28 2007, 02:13 PM
Post #686


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 129


GB, I woulda licked the ex's teaspoon whilst ill, and then made him a nice cup of tea...... wink.gif

I just returned all my ex's clothing, EVERYTHING, no reminders!


mmmmmm, stroking hair.....


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I like to keep a bottle of drink handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy - W.C. Fields
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greenbean
post Mar 28 2007, 02:06 PM
Post #687


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 954


Is it wrong that I haven't washed a t-shirt since august...since it still smells like BB? I can't believe it still has his scent..man is it potent!

Kal, as much as I hate that you are sad it is reassuring that we gals aint the only ones who get lovesick.

I'm home from work today with the flu. My boy housemates are being really sweet to me, renting me movies and fetching me soup...but they are no substitute for a real boyfriend who would draw me a bath and stroke my hair. Of course, thats just romantic idealogy...my ex would stay away from me when I was sick for fear of catching it. Asshat. So glad I dumped his ass. I'll be one year single in two weeks.


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I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.--John Waters
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Kalevra
post Mar 27 2007, 01:26 PM
Post #688


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 129


I Gotta admit, there is a lot to be said for having time on your own, for some reason, in certain aspects of my life I "get more done" when single. On the other hand, I also tend to wallow a little in semi-self-pity and get buggerall done. When I am in a relationship, the same is true, some things get done on a FLASH, and others get in the job-jar and knda stay there...weird that.

Scent you say, now there I am in 100% agreement, sometimes I could lie next to a girl, and take looooong whiffs of the nape of her neck, not SNIFFS, but those slow, deep inhalations that induce an almost high-like state, you know, the ones when you are wide-awake, but cannot open your eyes....definately some science/hormone activity going on there. This is why it is a good idea to rid your home of any scent-leaving apparel that could 'remind' you and have you glancing at your phone...

Enough rambling from my side.....

Oh, did I say I miss har at any point? dry.gif

ETA Ella, I hear you on the social decree that says love is the be all and end all, but at the end of the day, its pre-programmed into the human psyche, that we are supposed to find our equal opposite, ...and that helps add more confusion. Slave to the life, just another slave..


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I like to keep a bottle of drink handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy - W.C. Fields
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EllaMinnowPea
post Mar 26 2007, 10:29 PM
Post #689


BUSTie
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Posts: 55
From: Midwest


Edie, that's great! I'd like to think being single is a step toward self-fulfillment (and much-needed dog time).

I still feel like our culture is too focused on love bringing meaning to everything. We can't put all our eggs in one basket, eh? But it's a struggle to find something beyond that - I'd like to think my life could have a greater meaning than what I find in one other person. Even if that one person is myself. Herein lies a paradox.

If any of you figure out this meaning of life business, let us all know first thing, 'kay?

Greenbean, I agree with you about scent. And it's more lasting than looks, anyhow. It lingers on pillows and sweatshirts.

KittenB, feel better. And all of you Busties who are dating now! ((hugs for all)) smile.gif

[I've posted so much! Sorry for hogging the board!]


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"I arise in the morning torn by the twin desires to reform the world and to enjoy the world. This makes it difficult to plan the day."
E.B. White
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edie52
post Mar 26 2007, 07:03 PM
Post #690


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 1,011
From: back home


I really like the Neko Case line "I leave the party at 3am/ alone thank God." I can relate.

I also recall reading an interview where she talked about her daily life saying something along the lines of "I just drive my car and hang out with my dog, because I don't have a boyfriend." I liked that because I got the impression that she was saying that it's okay to voice a little frustration (although I think her remark was more wry than self-pitying), but also that you can do awesome things while single. Yeah, hang out with your dog and drive your car, and also make music and do art and tour and be free (of course you can do those things while coupled- but it becomes harder). I don't know what her relationship status is now, but I've always thought of her as a single woman I can really admire.

Yes, chemistry is a big one. But I've realized that I also need to admire and respect the way that person leads their life- honour, loyalty, bravery, and all of that. That, with chemistry (chemistry of all kinds- sexual, intellectual, emotional), is the ideal thing. And waiting for the ideal thing is why I don't want to settle and possibly miss that.

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greenbean
post Mar 26 2007, 05:41 PM
Post #691


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Posts: 954


((kittenb)) Whining is just a sign of frustration, and its perfectly welcome in the frustrated thread!

"What are you each looking for, in your peripheral vision or otherwise?"

Chemistry. I would say "plain and simple", but it isnt so. I've dated plenty of good-on-paper guys who were plenty willing to be my boyfriend, but I couldn't stick around cuz the chemistry lacked. Conversely, I've had amazing chemistry with some guys and it didn't work out cuz of one roadblock or another.

Science is amazing, the whole phermone thing. The current guy I'm smitten with has a smell to him that I cant get enough of. Everytime I see him I want to sniff him up like a puppy! Its more important than looks I think.





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I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.--John Waters
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kittenb
post Mar 26 2007, 06:06 AM
Post #692


There is nothing ironic about Show Choir!
***
Posts: 3,261
From: Chicago


QUOTE(greenbean @ Mar 18 2007, 04:55 PM) *
"Do you ever feel angry for wanting a relationship?" YEEEESSSSS!


I don't post in here often, mostly b/c I Bust while I am at work and my time is limited some days. But today, I just had to be here. I had another date last night. This one from the Alternet personals. I guess I shouldn't make it sound like I have been juggling so many dates as this is really my first one since Novemeber? October? Personal illness kept me off the scene for awhile. Anyway, it was the way they have all gone, good chemistry over the phone and email, zero in person. I am beginning to think that the whole "Let's talk a little before we meet" is a waste of time. It seems to have no realtion to the person that I meet.

I am so tired of being single. I have been on my own for a long time. I'm good at it. The idea of a self-date is nothing new to me. If I wasn't romancing myself, I know for damn sure no one will be. It's everything. Sex is too complex for me to be casual about it. I am possibly the most celibate of the Busties, now or ever (wow, how high school do I sound?) I just wnat someone there after a long day at work, or someone whom I want to take care of as well. unsure.gif

I know that I am whining, but it is so early in the morning and I could not sleep more than 5 hours last night and Iam tired and crabby about everything.

Thanks for listening.


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In times of destruction, create something.
MHK
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EllaMinnowPea
post Mar 25 2007, 08:27 PM
Post #693


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Posts: 55
From: Midwest


So much marvelous self-dating! And support! You are phenomenal, Knorl.

Also, I'm sure there's something to what you've just said. It's not the only reason women are single, but I'm sure it's a common one. Having standards - even better, sticking to them - is a signature of strong women (such as the ones on this board).

I agree too that there's no saving to be had. It's a little "Not A Pretty Girl" by Ani Difranco, is it not? I just want someone who's kind to strangers and intelligent enough to challenge me on a daily basis. I don't feel desperate for a relationship, but the corners of my eyes are open to inspiration. What are you each looking for, in your peripheral vision or otherwise?


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"I arise in the morning torn by the twin desires to reform the world and to enjoy the world. This makes it difficult to plan the day."
E.B. White
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knorl05
post Mar 25 2007, 03:55 PM
Post #694


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 819
From: detroit rock city


i love it. you women are phenomenal. i guess i dont date myself for the simple fear that i will look like a loner, but that should not matter on any level.

that band dude, we'll call him j. too passive not enough angst for me. he's very new age, which is my language, but too far into it for me. he says he wont hurt me, and most likely he'll be able to help me. i can appreciate that, but it still pisses me off. i do not need saving or helping or any of that. yes i am complex, but if you were really aware of who i am, you would see that i am doing what i need to do to take care of myself. i am doing just fine on my own, i dont need to you to come along and make everything better! if he cant see that, then he cant see me, and i dont want to deal with him anyway.

i think the reason we women are single is not because we couldnt be in a relationship if we wanted to be, but because we cant seem to find men who fulfill what we want. i also think its important we define what we would like in a significant other.


--------------------
We adore chaos because we love to produce order.
- M.C. Escher
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greenbean
post Mar 23 2007, 06:44 PM
Post #695


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 954


Ooooh dating myself. I know it all too well!

I used to go to indie movie theaters by myself all the time...until the last time I did a lone man sat near me and made me feel uncomfortable (the theater was dead, he couldnt sit in the empty row infront of me?).

Nick, I'm with you. I can only shop alone, especailly record shopping. If I'm with someone who doesnt appreciate music as much they'll try to get me out under an hour (under an hour, the nerve!!) On the flip side if they are record junkies like myself then theres the problem of fighting over rare finds (damn DB for snagging that Shocking Blue vinyl!!! I'll curse him tell the day he expires!!)

I'll tell you what tho, last week I decided to take a nice walk to the local old man bar for a gin and tonic. There was another lone girl at the bar and we started chatting. She looked awful familiar and when I told her this, she said "maybe you've seen my band". Then it hit me that she was in a band that I adored in high school. Out of respect for her I wont say what band (actually shes been in a few bands, done solo stuff, and recently joined a famous band) cuz I'm certain many Busties are familiar with her. Anyway, this meeting would have been very cool except she was WASTED and pouring her guts out to me, ...saying that shes convinced shes never gonna find love, be alone forever, spend all her nights solo in dive bars, blah blah blah. Man! It was depressing.


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I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.--John Waters
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p_176
post Mar 23 2007, 01:28 PM
Post #696


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 532
From: Baltimore


self dates: i have discovered that i like either getting a little dressed up and taking myself out to dinner in the middle of the week (not a date night), or cooking myself a nice dinner to have with the perfect bottle of wine, and a movie at home, esp on a friday when i've been working all week. also, if there's a show (musical, theater, even small venue concert) that i want to see that no one i know wants to see or is unable to make the date, i will take myself, enjoy a drink or two and the show, then go home or walk around (depending on location and weather). museums are also good dates to take yourself on - i don't personally know many people who enjoy museums. getting my nails done or a massage - also good self date.
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nickclick
post Mar 23 2007, 10:10 AM
Post #697


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 2,134
From: jersey


ella, i love the myself-date! shopping with a boy or any of my friends annoys me usually, so i'll dawdle around the mall solo, loving just trying on new clothes and shoes, nobody cramming in their opinions. i also like the fast-food lunch date, reading a mag and eating some taco bell in my car, not feeling gross in the slightest, and not telling anyone, it's like my own little dirty secret.

gawd, i saywnd so joisey! all mawls and fyast food!
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EllaMinnowPea
post Mar 23 2007, 12:39 AM
Post #698


BUSTie
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Posts: 55
From: Midwest


QUOTE(knorl05 @ Mar 18 2007, 09:36 PM) *
perhaps the solitude you would seek from the relationship was simply a way to get back to you.. to establish and remember yourself in the relationship. and now that you no longer have that contrast, maybe you are just bored and uninspired.


I think all of your posts covered the sentiment thoroughly, Knorl! Greenbean, thanks for responding.

There IS a cultural conditioning that I feel myself resisting; I find myself correcting my friends when they see their single status as some sort of punishment for a crime they didn't commit. Springtime's especially cruel, when people are pairing up like rabbits and you're trying to establish yourself as a lone bunny. At the same time, there is a need for companionship, creativity, etc., and it's hard to call it quits with someone when you have one but not the other. There's also a strange appreciation for oneself within a (good) relationship - the desire to cancel a date to paint alone on a Friday night, Greenbean's example, or the desire to take up the other half of the bed. Maybe the grass is always greener.

Man! Painting alone on a Friday sounds great! Maybe I'll try that tomorrow. I've taken up puddle-wallowing lately, and spending whole afternoons in the library. I used to take myself out on a date once a week - as long as you have a new place to look forward to, and a new experience, you usually don't miss the company. Perhaps we can share strategies we've used to keep our relationships (with ourselves!) fresh...?


--------------------
"I arise in the morning torn by the twin desires to reform the world and to enjoy the world. This makes it difficult to plan the day."
E.B. White
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greenbean
post Mar 21 2007, 07:39 PM
Post #699


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 954


OMG edie, triple word on art school! I'm in a class right now that is 100% women. At first I was like, "Oh how wonderful! We'll be like sisters in art, and no boys to annoy us." but then it turned into "Who am I kinding? I signed up for this class to meet boys."


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I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.--John Waters
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erinjane
post Mar 21 2007, 08:34 AM
Post #700


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 1,301
From: Winnipeg


I had a dream last night that I met a great guy and we were having so much fun.

No real prospects in real life though. Phooey.


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I Could Tell You Stories That Would Make Your Ears Curl
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