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> small breast support group - (I need it even if they don't)
DeeRayy
post Apr 20 2011, 04:16 PM
Post #601


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welcome babyblue!
i just wanna say that i'm glad you found this page, it's really a great place to vent and seek out support. and i can already relate to a few of the things you've said. I'm also a girl that struggles with feelings about the size of my breasts, but I also know that implants are not for me and probably never will be for me. and I totally know the feeling you described about watching movies with well endowed women appearing nude. I've been there, and it's unpleasant! But you said you have a fiance so I can see that you're in a committed relationship, and if he's committed to you then you shouldn't really worry. I know that's easier said than done! and i'm in no way confident about my body either. If you read through my recent posts you'll see that I'm currently experiencing a really rough patch with my body issues. I'm only 19, so i'm really hoping it's just a phase. but this page really does help, and there are some amazing women on this forum!

hugs!
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babyblue
post Apr 19 2011, 07:37 PM
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From: Seattle


Hi ladies!

I can't tell you how excited I am to come across this group. I'm 27 years old, 4'11", 32A, and my small pair has been the bane of my existence for as long as I can remember! I am so insecure about my breast size that I am uncomfortable even watching movies with female nudity in them with my fiance. I would never admit this to him, but I want to melt into a puddle of embarassment every time a well-endowed woman appears on screen! I know how ridiculous this is, but I can't shake the feeling.
I had a plastic surgery consultation a few years back, but I swiftly decided not to go through with the procedure. Implants are a great fix for some people, but they're not for me! I just want to be comfortable in my own skin. I have trolled through enough posts on here to know that I am not alone, and it is such a relief! I just want to extend a giant virtual hug to all of you, and thank whoever started this group. smile.gif
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karategrrl
post Apr 13 2011, 06:36 PM
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I also have that breast shape/size where when I bend over, they look like little cones. I don't like it. But then I really dont' think anyone's boobs look great that way!
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KeraBear
post Apr 12 2011, 08:33 PM
Post #604


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From: USA


QUOTE(strongirl @ Apr 7 2011, 08:10 AM) *
I've told the story in here before about when I took one of those "cardio striptease" classes and was feeling really down on myself and ugly and especially bad about my legs and thighs. During an exercise where we were on our backs with our legs in the air, I looked in the mirror and could only see pairs of legs and picked out a particularly nice pair to envy, thinking "why can't I have those toned, sexy legs instead of my fat, short, ugly ones?". Right about then the exercise ended and as I got up, I realized - the legs I was envying were my own! I was in shock about how distorted my self-view was. It took not knowing it was me to see myself clearly. Right now you are wearing a similar filter - "ugly glasses".


I had a similar experience. I was looking at a photograph of one of my friends, and I was sort of caught in the background when it was taken. I sorta thought to myself, "Hey, a girl with sorta my figure. I wish I could rock it like she does." Then I realized it was me! ha ha... I guess we just don't give ourselves enough credit sometimes, huh?

QUOTE(strongirl @ Apr 7 2011, 08:10 AM) *
For what it is worth, the way you describe your breasts (and yes, you do have them!) matches with one of my boyfriend's favorite "breast types", that he will describe during sex talk with me. Very small, pointy, soft - he'll sometimes say "shaped like little volcanoes". We both get turned on by this. So it seems while you're hating the way your body is, we're fantasizing about it.


Hey wait... those are my boobs, too! *blushing*

I certainly have my bad body days for sure, but I cannot imagine what it is like to have BDD. I am glad that you are pursuing help through counseling, DeeRay. Let us know how it goes. Buttercups had some really great advice, too. Well.... everybody really. RADIATE!
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karategrrl
post Apr 12 2011, 06:02 PM
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QUOTE(strongirl @ Apr 12 2011, 04:59 PM) *
Nice how supporting one person can radiate out and help others, too! Thanks, Karategrrl! smile.gif

Yeah, isn't that interesting the way that works! I'm glad my words could help. Aw shucks. And I have to agree, strongirl, that DeeRayy is amazing, articulate, all that awesome stuff (DeeRayy, yes, we're talking about you!) Heh, but we're saying great stuff.
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strongirl
post Apr 12 2011, 11:59 AM
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Karategrrl, your earlier post supporting DeeRayy was coincidentally just what I needed to hear yesterday myself! Yep, sometimes we all do feel like shit in life. Nice how supporting one person can radiate out and help others, too! Thanks, Karategrrl! smile.gif

Deeray, I didn't remember your previous post about the ex-bf so I read back through your previous posts. Now I'm tracking. But what really struck me going back through your posts was how extremely intelligent and articulate you are! Girl, you can write! I know, as Karategrrl said, that you feel like shit right now. But gosh, you are really a smart, insightful person and I'm confident that you'll come out of all this just fine.

Re. your inability to take a compliment - I have suffered from the same problem. And so does my bf. Having both of us struggle with this has been beneficial in that we can help each other since we each get a dose of our own medicine. I HATE it when I'm looking at him and I'm blown away with how sexy and gorgeous he is and when I open my mouth and say what I'm feeling, he reacts negatively and says things like "You're crazy" or "You need to get your eyes checked". And he HATES it when he compliments me and I do that. The correct response to ANY compliment is a sincere and enthusiatic "Thank you!".

Your mom and aunt do want to make you feel better, I'm sure, but it doesn't sound like they're making stuff up or bullshitting you.

And I support you in using the resources available to you and seeing a counselor. I did when I was in college to help me get over my body issues and eating disorder and it helped a ton!
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karategrrl
post Apr 12 2011, 10:59 AM
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QUOTE(DeeRayy @ Apr 12 2011, 02:54 AM) *
i'm gonna call and set up an intake at my school counseling center tomorrow. i just really want some advice on what might be causing this and why i can't seem to control my emotions over this. but in the mean time, i also need to try and turn a blind eye to my appearance right now so i can just power my way through this quarter at school and hopefully find a summer job this month. i just really need to take care of myself and get everything done. hopefully, i can make some real progress in loving my body over the summer without so much stress.

Sounds like you have a great plan, grrl. Pease check in with us and give us progress reports, "good" or "bad!"
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DeeRayy
post Apr 11 2011, 09:54 PM
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thanks karategrrl<33

i guess i just get frustrated with the fact that my feelings about my body affect me SOOOO MUCH, to the point where i don't feel like it's normal. sometimes i just ask myself why i can't just get over it and be happy already. oh, i wish it were that easy. i mean, it seems like the whole world is obsessed with boobs and sometimes i just can't help but feel physically inadequate. i struggle with feeling feminine. sometimes i don't even feel like my body looks entirely female when i take my bra off, and i shudder at the thought of a guy ever seeing me without clothes on. my mom got really upset with how sad and full of tears i was this weekend over it. she also said something that made a lot of sense to me- "it always comes back to that F^*%ING boy you dated. he put this issue in your head and he just left it there. and now YOU won't let go of how he made you feel". and i agree that i put too much weight on what happened. it sucks because it's almost been a year and i'm still left with all these feelings of disappointment towards my body. and i'm afraid that my body is going to be disappointing to every guy that i date in the future. or worse, i feel that i'm not going to even be able to attract another guy in the first place. and i know, i shouldn't worry so much about what guys think. i'm working on that. my mom and my aunt both tell me that i'm so lucky to be both pretty and intelligent, and to be thankful that i'm one of the thinner girls in the family when compared to most of my cousins. but, it's kind of hard to take compliments from them, because i feel like they have to tell me those kind of things because they're my family. and even when other people give me compliments, i for some reason never truly believe them. when my ex would say things like "you're so gorgeous, i can't stand it!" or "you look so sexy right now", i would just get uncomfortable, and i never really took those words in as truth. they would just kind of flow past me. i just couldn't comprehend why someone could find me attractive, much less be sexually attracted to me. it was just a strange idea to me. it's like i don't feel that i'm capable of being a sexual creature, or capable of attracting attention from the opposite sex.

but most of all, i'm TIRED. i'm tired of dressing strategically to hide my body. i'm tired of crying multiple times a week. i'm tired of my family worrying about me. i'm tired of wanting to be something that i'm not. i'm tired of holding myself back in social situations because i'm not confident enough in myself. i'm tired of having to force myself to go out. i'm tired of beating myself up over things i can't control. it's EXHAUSTING being this insecure about my body. and i know this isn't normal. my friends say that things will just get better with time, but they seem to be getting worse with time. i'm gonna call and set up an intake at my school counseling center tomorrow. i just really want some advice on what might be causing this and why i can't seem to control my emotions over this. but in the mean time, i also need to try and turn a blind eye to my appearance right now so i can just power my way through this quarter at school and hopefully find a summer job this month. i just really need to take care of myself and get everything done. hopefully, i can make some real progress in loving my body over the summer without so much stress.
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karategrrl
post Apr 11 2011, 07:19 AM
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Hugs, DeeRay! I"m so sorry you are feeling so bad. I have to echo what others are saying in that it certainly DOES sound like you are going thorough a hella lot of stuff right now--any one of which would be overwhelming. But reading between the lines, I also see an awful lot of strength in you--in the midst of this, you are reaching out to us for support, pushing yourself to get out with friends, pushing yourself to get some interview clothes together, get a job, etc. Give yourself a lot of credit for that, girl. When we are overwhelmed, it takes strength to identify what you need and make the effort to reach out to others. The point is not whether or not we feel like shit at some times in life (we all do) but its how we handle it that I believe makes a difference. Maybe you are stronger than you think right now!! smile.gif

Big hugs, girl!!!!!! And come back here ANYTIME for support from us!!! You are welcome here 24/7!!!
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buttercups
post Apr 10 2011, 07:20 PM
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Hi DeeRayy,

I know exactly how you feel because everytime I try to find professional looking clothes for work I always end up upset too. I'm in a similar position right now cause I need to find a suit for job interviews and the idea of even going shopping is depressing because I know I'll just feel like a little girl playing dress-up.

I think it's really good you're going to see someone about this, you're braver than I am because I haven't had the guts to do it yet. Stay strong and I know you can get through this. Let us know how it goes and I'll be thinking of you!
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DeeRayy
post Apr 10 2011, 01:02 PM
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Thanks buttercups and strongirl for the advice, i really appreciate the support <333

unfortunately, things have been getting progressively worse this week. I have a job fair that i'm attending at my university because i NEED a summer job to help out with my school expenses for next year. and i have to dress in "corporate attire", so i went to go try on some of my aunt's clothes since i don't have the money to buy an entirely new outfit.

and when i started trying on her clothes, i just got realllly sad because i couldn't fill out anything that she gave me. she could see that i was upset and she knows how i feel about my body, so she tried to comfort me by saying things like "at least it fits you! i'm too heavy to even completely button up that shirt and you need a belt just to make it fit." but it didn't really make me feel better, because she could lose weight if she wanted to, but i can't control the part of my body that i'm insecure about. i started crying, once again, and she gave me a really long lecture. she asked what it's going to take to make me feel better, and i just replied that i honestly don't know. i feel like i'm running on empty. i didn't even want to hang out with my friends this weekend when i got an invite because i didn't want to have to go through the stress of finding something to wear, but i made myself. it's almost like i just don't want anyone to look at me or see me. i'm going to set up an appointment with the counseling center at my school, because i just can't go on feeling like this about myself, because it makes every aspect of life soooo much more difficult. i just want to be able to look in the mirror without wanting to cry. i never though i'd get to this point. it's a really painful place to be in.
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secretsights88
post Apr 9 2011, 02:29 PM
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Hello, hello, long time no see!! Been busy lately...

I agree that sometimes we distort our own image TOO much, especially when we're stressed, angry, sad or frustrated, even by unrelated things. I know that on good mood days I see my body and think it rocks and is hotter than I gave it credit for, on other days when I feel bad, I look at it with disgust too. But it's the same body.

I think we also distort the ideas we have of "breasts" or "butts" or "vulvas" or any other "hidden" part that we don't see often in others. We're usually presented idealized, very idealized versions of these things. See, I called them "things" which means I've been so brainwashed, I tend to objectify body parts, and myself. It happens unconsciously.

It helps to get real. When I remember all real life women's breasts look similar to mine, as in "not 'perfect'" (whatever perfect is), I realize that I'm not disgusting, I'm normal, a normal, beautiful woman. I'm more than just body parts.

And while I LOVE men, well, in general, women are more aesthetically pleasing than men. So who are they to judge? Lol.
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buttercups
post Apr 7 2011, 06:13 PM
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Hey DeeRayy **big hugs**

I've been so busy lately I've barely been able to check in, missed you guys!

DeeRayy, so much of what you said really resonated with me and I am so sorry that someone else in the world feels this way, because I have often had these thoughts. I just wanted to point out that what you're going through sounds a lot like what I go through when I have a BDD attack from body dysmorphic disorder. I'm not saying you have this by any means, but the panic and feelings of disgust sound so similar to what I experience when I am having a BDD episode. My BDD episodes get worse and worse as my stress level increases. I've noticed that whenever I am really overwhelmed and stressed out with everything else going on in my life I take it out on my body and my breasts and feel like I'm at my ugliest. You were doing really well before and now all of a sudden you're feeling awful about yourself and simultaneously all these other stressful things are going on in your life. I think it's likely that how you're feeling about your body right now is a way of reacting to your stress, you are taking it out on your body and your breasts in particular, which is exactly what I do. It doesn't feel like that when you're going through it of course, but that is what is happening. Notice that as your stress level goes down (which I promise it will, I'm so sorry you're going through a hard time right now but you WILL come out on the other side of it and things WILL get better) you will feel more accepting of yourself and your body. My suggestion to you right now is to take care of yourself and treat yourself right. Practice deep breathing and relaxation, take time to do some things you enjoy. I know that's hard with the end of the semester coming up and I'm going through that same stress with school, but you have to make time for yourself. Eat right, exercise, get lots of sleep, and if you feel yourself worrying or beginning to ruminate distract yourself with something-for me listening to music helps a lot. As soon as you are able to get a better handle on your stress level your feelings about yourself will improve. They may not magically go away or anything, but it is a long process towards accepting ourselves and we have to take it day by day. If you are not sure that this is what is going on, try keeping a journal where you document your feelings about your body and then rate your stress level. See if there is a correlation between how stressed you are and how bad you are feeling about yourself. I would bet good money that you would see a connection between the two.

As far as the overall shape of your boobs, I have that same shape too (what there is of my chest to make a shape haha). Little and pointy and when I bend down they are completely cone-like haha for lack of a better word. So it is completely normal to look like that and I would also bet good money that your breasts are a great deal bigger than mine, so know that someone out there (me) envies you and your beautiful body. I hope this helps and I'll have you in my thoughts, sending good body vibes your way <3
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_Vendetta
post Apr 7 2011, 02:01 PM
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Just a tip if anyone feels like trying: Talika Bust Serum.


http://www.talika.com/P_950_bust-serum.html

One (or maybe just half) cup size bigger.

It works! At least for some people.

I was on it and they did get bigger.
But then I decided to get them augmented and stopped using.
And then happened what happened to me 3 years ago (unbalanced hormones): they just blew, they're huge (not exactly an A-cup but quite there) but they hurt like hell. No fun.
I'm trying to find some time to go to the doctor and put an end to it.
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strongirl
post Apr 7 2011, 07:10 AM
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(((DeeRayy)))

You sound really overwhelmed with everything. I think the mirror thing may have just caught you off guard and with your inner resources so low, you reacted in the worst way. I felt sad reading that you looked at your own body in the mirror with "disgust".

I was also struck by your comment "if i can't look at myself without getting grossed out at my chest, how is any guy ever going to be able to look at me naked and get turned on?". Believe me, DeeRayy, in your present state of viewing yourself, there is no man (or woman) in the world who could see you as unattractively as you see yourself. That was awkwardly worded but do you know what I mean? It's like you're wearing "ugly glasses" instead of 3D glasses, and when you look at yourself they distort your image.

I've told the story in here before about when I took one of those "cardio striptease" classes and was feeling really down on myself and ugly and especially bad about my legs and thighs. During an exercise where we were on our backs with our legs in the air, I looked in the mirror and could only see pairs of legs and picked out a particularly nice pair to envy, thinking "why can't I have those toned, sexy legs instead of my fat, short, ugly ones?". Right about then the exercise ended and as I got up, I realized - the legs I was envying were my own! I was in shock about how distorted my self-view was. It took not knowing it was me to see myself clearly. Right now you are wearing a similar filter - "ugly glasses".

I've talked in here about doing "mirror work" and I think it could be immensely beneficial to you. You can look back through the threads or snag one of Susie Orbach's books to learn how.

But I also think your comment about "distraction" is valid - with so much going on, consider putting your tits on ice (figuratively speaking) and focusing on your life. They'll still be there when you have time to think about them again.

For what it is worth, the way you describe your breasts (and yes, you do have them!) matches with one of my boyfriend's favorite "breast types", that he will describe during sex talk with me. Very small, pointy, soft - he'll sometimes say "shaped like little volcanoes". We both get turned on by this. So it seems while you're hating the way your body is, we're fantasizing about it.

I hope some of this stuff was helpful and that you have a better day!
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DeeRayy
post Apr 6 2011, 09:59 PM
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**note to the post i just made**
i'm not just frustrated with the size of my breasts, but also the shape and overall appearance of them. they're more pointy than round, not as perky as they should be for them being so small, and overall i just feel that they're ugly to look at. i don't even think of them as "boobs", or even "booblets", as you guys like to say. i don't know what i would call them, but i don't view myself as owning a pair of breasts.
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DeeRayy
post Apr 6 2011, 09:28 PM
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heyy guys

i haven't asked any questions in a while but i reallly need some words of advice on what to do with myself.

I thought i had made progress in accepting myself. but today i realized just how bad my situation still is. I was changing in my room today and i caught a glimpse of myself topless in the mirror and i stood and looked at my reflection. i became so overwhelmed with disappointment [i might even go as far as saying disgust] that i literally started crying and needed to put my bra & shirt back on and step out of the room.

it really surprised me because i though i had been doing better. I was even wearing stuff that i had never worn before, like little spring dresses. and yet i still can't look at myself in the mirror without getting repulsed. and i though to myself "if i can't look at myself without getting grossed out at my chest, how is any guy ever going to be able to look at me naked and get turned on?". I know i've had sex before, but my shirt ALWAYS remained on during the act. the most he ever saw was me in a bra, and that bra was padded. and i found myself wondering if this is why i'm still completely single almost a year after my breakup.

i feel really stuck right now. and my feelings of hatred toward my body are getting to be overwhelming. i just really don't know what to do or how to help myself. it's extremely frustrating when you constantly feel like you want to crawl out of your own skin. i think i really need a good outlet or a good distraction, because not only am i struggling with my extreme body image issues, but my family is going through a financial crisis right now and i'm also feeling overwhelmed with school, as this is my busiest quarter so far. i'm so busy and stressed out all the time that i don't feel like i have time to breathe.

so, does anyone have anything to say or any suggestions that they think would help?

i'm really sorry if i sound super negative and whiny. I'm just in a really bad place right now and i'm being honest with you guys in hopes that you have anything helpful to say.
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enfermera
post Apr 6 2011, 01:44 PM
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hmm, that video just kind of skeezed me out. weird.
*shudders off the creepy*

but, um. go, boobs of all sizes!
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DeeRayy
post Apr 5 2011, 06:16 PM
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That video was very touching, and I really wish there were more men out there like that. But I do disagree with the part about pornography. It's one thing when you are forced to do something, but I feel like many (not all, but many) women participate in porn voluntarily. The past can't be undone, but I believe that if women today want respect we should all also make a conscious effort to respect our own bodies first. Of course, that last statement should be directed at the porn stars of the world, not you guys x]
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strongirl
post Apr 5 2011, 12:27 PM
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Wow, Karategrrl, that brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for sharing. I've been very lucky to know a lot of good men with similar perspectives. I'm happy these guys are spreading the word.

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