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> If I Wanted Your Bad Advice...i'd Ask For It!, worst possible schemes
kittenb
post Jan 9 2009, 12:25 PM
Post #21


There is nothing ironic about Show Choir!
***
Posts: 3,261
From: Chicago


Dear Bustie,
I love my apartment but I cannot get my management to belive that it is really cold in here. What can I do?
Sincerely,
Freezing In Luxury


--------------------
In times of destruction, create something.
MHK
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auralpoison
post Jan 7 2009, 04:12 PM
Post #22


Big Fat Bitch
***
Posts: 4,932
From: Citizen of the world


Dear Suck-up,

That's all good advice. But you really should do what I did. I showed off all my guns, shared my hobbies of taxidermy & prison tattoos, handed out some racist/antisemetic pamphlets, shot heroin into my eyeballs, & warned them that if my brother was in town that if my room was rockin', a don't come a knockin'. I was an absolute bon vivant. They were instantly won over by my grace, charm, & wit. Of course having a molotov cocktail in one hand & a chainsaw in the other helped, too.

--Bustie


--------------------
"You're cute, like a velvet glove cast in iron. And like a gas chamber, a real fun gal."
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lilacwine13
post Jan 7 2009, 03:15 PM
Post #23


Ambassador from the Republic of Cocktailland
***
Posts: 835
From: greater Minnesota


Dear Suck-up,
Two things: Good wine and dancing girls/boys. Having a few of the dancers wait on the prospective flatmate hand and foot could help too.

--Bustie



--------------------
All I know is that I don't know nothing.--Op Ivy
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culturehandy
post Jan 7 2009, 10:11 AM
Post #24


(o)(o)
***
Posts: 11,350
From: Oh boobs


Suck Up Susie,

make sure to display lots of high end booze, and if they want some, let them get drunk. Or just show off your titties and then blow them.

Bustie


--------------------
Hatred does not cease in this world by hating, but by not hating; this is an eternal truth. --- Buddah, The Dhammapada
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Persiflager
post Jan 7 2009, 07:24 AM
Post #25


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 721
From: Babylon


Dear Bustie

I'm searching for a new flatshare and want to make sure I win over my new flatmate. Do you have any tips on how to make a good impression?

Suck-up Susie


--------------------
“Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence.”
Morris Kline (mathematician, author) 1908-1992
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kittenb
post Jan 6 2009, 09:11 PM
Post #26


There is nothing ironic about Show Choir!
***
Posts: 3,261
From: Chicago


Dear Shanky,

Simple. Get a blowtorch. A big one.

Bustie


--------------------
In times of destruction, create something.
MHK
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culturehandy
post Jan 6 2009, 09:01 PM
Post #27


(o)(o)
***
Posts: 11,350
From: Oh boobs


How many times do I have to say this, shanking someone is the best thing you can do! Shanky McShankerson.

Dear Bustie,

I'm finding that shanking someone just doesn't hold that certain je ne sai quois it once did, what method can you recommend?

Shanky McShankerson


--------------------
Hatred does not cease in this world by hating, but by not hating; this is an eternal truth. --- Buddah, The Dhammapada
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twelve_percent
post Jan 4 2009, 06:53 PM
Post #28


BUSTie
**
Posts: 61
From: The grassy nolls


Well, first of all, you need a lot of duct tape and plastic bags. lol, jk. But seriously. You need to kill her and stash the body!


--------------------
Listen to my music and you will feel complete! www.myspace.com/kellyinezmusic
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alluna
post Jan 4 2009, 10:50 AM
Post #29


BUSTie
**
Posts: 81
From: Ohio


Roomie,

You're already doing it. We all have friends who may have once seemed like the bestest butt buddy ever, but eventually they skip down a different path. It could be because they don't mature, engage in shady activities, or in your friend's case - turn into a condescending bitch. Your judgmental friend will eventually get a clue that you're not interested. If she wants to waste stamps on Christmas cards, that's her problem. Not everything has to be talked out like on Dr. Phil.

If you're looking for a quicker solution than two more years of her whiny voice mails, invite her to check out your new meth lab and tell her you've joined your local KKK chapter. That should get her off your ass.


--------------------
Rain Blanken
'Rain Strong!'
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konphusion26
post Dec 31 2008, 03:36 PM
Post #30


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 737
From: In My own lil world...


Dear Bustie,

I have a friend that I want to cut loose in 2009. She's a judgmental, drama-queen with whom I had the displeasure of being roommates in college. We talk about once or twice a year and every time its the same thing. She on her high horse looking down her nose at my life. It honestly burns my hide. She's the type of "friend" that doesn't look at her own mess, but wants to tell you what you should do with yours. SOOOO over it!! We barely keep in touch anymore and it's really pointless for us to ever do so again. We don't hang out, we don't talk on the phone, even our myspace communication has halted. She's always inviting me to stuff at her house, and I always decline. I'm certainly not traveling 2 hrs to attend any of her gatherings. HAH!

My question is... how do I let this bitch know that I'm not interested in maintaining this shoddy friendship. Nor attending her baby shower, her birthday parties, her wedding, or any event that she'll be throwing.... EVER?

Sincerely,

The Roomie from Hell


--------------------
Faith is hoping for and believing in things you cannot see!
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deschatsrouge
post Dec 31 2008, 12:58 AM
Post #31


A symphony of atrocities.
***
Posts: 1,437
From: The Sage Brush Steppes


Dear Wannabee

Instead of trying to rely on some one else to achieve your goals why don't you take the bull by the horns and commit grand larceny. You don't have to suck dick to get what you want. Rob some banks for cash then knock over a jewelry store to acquire the bling you so desire. When you have pulled the jobs to get what you will need to live in your desired life style, get the fuck out of the us, go live some where where your money will last a long time. I'm thinking some where in the third world that doesn't have an extradition treaty with the us government. You can live a rich eccentric life there and give the bird to the man at the same time.

Sincerely
Dear Crabby


--------------------
"Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live." -Exodus 22:18
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kittenb
post Dec 30 2008, 12:05 PM
Post #32


There is nothing ironic about Show Choir!
***
Posts: 3,261
From: Chicago


Dear Wannabee,

The answer to your question is simple: Me. Don't worry baby, I'll take care of you.

Love,
The Answer To Your Prayer


--------------------
In times of destruction, create something.
MHK
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lilacwine13
post Dec 26 2008, 12:04 PM
Post #33


Ambassador from the Republic of Cocktailland
***
Posts: 835
From: greater Minnesota


Dear wannabe,
Well, you said it yourself, "Fuck." Find yourself a wealthy person who is in need of a mistress and would be willing to put you up in the manner you deserve. If they are willing to marry you and leave you their estate, so much the better, especially if they are old and in bad health. Just remember to look out for jealous children, grandchildren and the occasional stock market downturn.

Bustie


--------------------
All I know is that I don't know nothing.--Op Ivy
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culturehandy
post Dec 25 2008, 11:52 AM
Post #34


(o)(o)
***
Posts: 11,350
From: Oh boobs


Dear Wannabe,

Recession is the word, get used to living in your crack house.

Bustie.


--------------------
Hatred does not cease in this world by hating, but by not hating; this is an eternal truth. --- Buddah, The Dhammapada
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girltrouble
post Dec 25 2008, 09:43 AM
Post #35


new highs in personal lows daily!
***
Posts: 4,307
From: wherever ink is put in skin...


dear cold hearted,

i think you should try a combo of things. first invite him on a cozy night out. tell him you want to do the local corn maze with him. once there, fuck the hell out of him in the car till he cannot stay awake, never going into the maze. wait til morning. while he's conked out, pull a "bobbit" bust out your leatherman tool, and a box cutter and saw the little fucker off. while he's screaming his head off (head...off, get it?) hop out rub his dick in the dirt and huck that motherfucker (mother...fucker, get it? oh nevermind, people.) as far as you can into the maze. by the time they find his dirty dick he will have either bled out and be dead or, his dick will be useless. pray for the latter, so that you can have all your friends call him stumpy until you've been let off due to insanity and call call him stumpy yourself.

wake up every morning knowing he won't make that mistake again.

enjoy!

***************************************************************
dear bustie,

i'm distraught. i was promised a house that was worthy of being on mtv's cribs, and a hip-hop signature lifestyle, with a pool, guns covered with rinestones and crystal champagne shampoo. but now the economy has tanked and i am stuck in my double wide. my question? who do i have to fuck to get out of this hell hole?!?

signed,
wannabee star-studded.


--------------------

"what a swell farewell party! we said goodbye to everything, including the lining in my stomach." - garvey, from the film, born bad

"That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted." --margo channing, all about eve
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culturehandy
post Dec 25 2008, 08:22 AM
Post #36


(o)(o)
***
Posts: 11,350
From: Oh boobs


bumpity


--------------------
Hatred does not cease in this world by hating, but by not hating; this is an eternal truth. --- Buddah, The Dhammapada
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deschatsrouge
post Oct 23 2008, 04:23 PM
Post #37


A symphony of atrocities.
***
Posts: 1,437
From: The Sage Brush Steppes


Dear cold-Hearted,
I think you should take it upon yourself to help him get over his obvious fear of commitment. It would behoove you to go to his work with some rope and a shovel, declare your love for him and ask him to go to lunch with you. If he refuses, you should knock him out with the shovel, tie him up and put him in your car. Drive out of state, along the way grab a picnic lunch. Find a nice park, and when he awakens feed him ever so lovingly the lunch you bought for him. Spend this time while he is still your captive audience to extol your virtues, and how generally great you are, this way he'll know why it was wrong for him to treat you so badly. After lunch have a heart to heart talk with him, explain to him why he is an ass, be completely honest, after all that's what good people want right? If he starts to cry, you know you have gotten through to him. If he still hasn't come around, drag him to a wooded area, and leave him there, preferably soaking wet, he's more likely to learn his lesson cold, wet, and alone.

Sincerely,
Another Rural Bustie


--------------------
"Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live." -Exodus 22:18
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culturehandy
post Oct 23 2008, 01:43 PM
Post #38


(o)(o)
***
Posts: 11,350
From: Oh boobs


Dear Cold Hearted,

Have sex with someone with Herpes, then sleep with your ex and give him herpes.

Cheers.



--------------------
Hatred does not cease in this world by hating, but by not hating; this is an eternal truth. --- Buddah, The Dhammapada
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kittenb
post Oct 23 2008, 01:31 PM
Post #39


There is nothing ironic about Show Choir!
***
Posts: 3,261
From: Chicago


Dear Cold Hearted,

I think that you need to realize that you, as the woman, bear all responsibility in how the relationship went. He, after all, is just a foolish man and depends on your feminine and civilizing influence.

So, basically, anything he did wrong was all your fault.

Sincerely,

Bustie


--------------------
In times of destruction, create something.
MHK
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pollystyrene
post Oct 23 2008, 08:16 AM
Post #40


Too many mutha uckas, Uckin' with my shi-
***
Posts: 4,631
From: Chicago


QUOTE(lilacwine13 @ Oct 22 2008, 10:34 PM) *
Dear House on Hold,
I'm going to suggest renting a bulldozer, they seem to work well for getting rid of unsightly messes. Plus, you can always go on Extreme Home Makeover and get a new house built.


Yeah, but one of your family members has to die or get some horrible disease to get on that show.


--------------------
You went to school where you were taught to fear and to obey, be cheerful, fit in, or someone might think you're weird.
Life can be perfect. People can be trusted. Someday, I will fall in love; a nice quiet home of my very own.
Free from all the pain. Happy and having fun all the time.
It never happened, did it?
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