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> write a letter...one you'll never send
whitelightning
post Apr 9 2007, 10:52 PM
Post #2301


BUSTie
**
Posts: 93


dear c,

you're a moron. i offer you no-strings-attached sex (in which you heartily indulged) as well as some laid back friendship, and you fucked it up. royally. ignoring me, uttering one syllable answers and leaving the room when i enter is not a "friends with benefits" situation. you know, prostitutes can do what i do for you, if you're into ZERO conversation and they're probably a hell of a lot cheaper - you don't have to take them out to dinner and drink yourself silly just to make it through the torturous experience of spending quality "friend" time with me. you know my recent situation and i gotta tell ya, this fucking hurts. i've deleted you off my phone and - like an idiot - i just might answer if you call again. if i feel like it, i'll hang out because even still i want to get to know you...see what makes you tick. i've asked NOTHING from you...and i've received nothing in return. maybe that's my problem...maybe i need to start demanding respect.

jerkface.

signed,
me
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mivee
post Apr 9 2007, 08:36 PM
Post #2302


BUSTie
**
Posts: 22


D,

I hate that i'm so angry/affected by your rejection. Is that what it was? Or are you going to ring up in the next half hour and apologize. I can't believe how low-bellied my pride has become.
So i'll keep concentrating on the work, not the boy.
The work, not the boy.
Knowing that
i) i want you
ii) you're a dumbass
iii) it's a symptom of a bunch of stuff
iv) you reeeeaaally need to get over yoursalf. and put your shirt back on.

M.


--------------------
Le paradis terrestre est ou je suis.
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glassk
post Apr 9 2007, 02:45 PM
Post #2303


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 213
From: vancouver, canada


Dear Awesome Man:

I am sorry for drunk dialing you, but thank you for putting up with it. I won't do it again; i've "lost" your number/deleted it from my phone. But I still want to be friends with you, so I hope you call. Actually, that's not true- I want you to move in with me and be creative all the time. That would be fantastic, but it's not plausible, and that's why I need to not call you anymore.

That depends.

Infatuated,
Katana


--------------------
creativity? Art Mash-Up
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culturehandy
post Apr 9 2007, 01:57 PM
Post #2304


(o)(o)
***
Posts: 11,350
From: Oh boobs


Dear WildWoman

What about part time evening classes? That's what I'm doing in September. I have a degree, but I will not be a poor struggling student again! Anything is attainable and achievable if you put your mind to it. Never let someone dictate what you can or cannot do!

CH.


--------------------
Hatred does not cease in this world by hating, but by not hating; this is an eternal truth. --- Buddah, The Dhammapada
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WildWoman
post Apr 9 2007, 11:37 AM
Post #2305


BUSTie
**
Posts: 34


Dear Me,
Forget about going back to school. Your family will not give you the support you need. Just forget about it. It's unrealistic and stupid. I know it hurts right now, but you'll get over it. Why can't you just make attainable goals instead of dreaming about things that will never be. There's no way you can afford to go back to school unless you work full time. And there's no way you can work full time and go back to school. End of story. Now put your big girl pants on and get over it. Don't be bitter. It's your fault your life is this way. If you would have gone straight to college like your sisters, you wouldn't have to worry about this shit. Now you've fucked up and it's too late. Just try really really hard to forget about school. And I'm giving you permission to blow up at home. Ever since you moved back in with your parents after leaving L, they've been pushing you. Mom tells you to go back to school everyday. And when you finally tell her that you want to, she discourages you. Therefore I think you have every right to blow up! Just don't do anything stupid like take off and never come back. You have no where else to go right now. You have no one but yourself. So don't piss them off enough to kick you out. Because then you'll be really fucked. Just chill out and quit thinking you're going to have a nervous breakdown. the mind is a powerful thing and you may push yourself into a breakdown which could have maybe been avoided with a few deep breaths and a couple moments of quiet meditation. Just relax. You can't do anything about it right now. Just keep pretending everything is ok. I take back my earlier comment about blowing up. Play it cool. Nothing good can come from showing them your emotions. They don't care and that will hurt even more. One day at a time.....
Sincerely,
Myself
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culturehandy
post Apr 9 2007, 11:36 AM
Post #2306


(o)(o)
***
Posts: 11,350
From: Oh boobs



(((Lily)))

Dear D.

I need you to make time for me. I get that you are busy, and that you have your friends and family, but if this is how things are going to be, I will walk. I want a companion in the man that I am dating. Not a phone relationship. I let another man walk me to my car, and he kissed me goodnight. I didn't stop him. I want human touch, I want YOUR touch. You should know that I am no longer going to make an effort to see you. I used to, but I am backing away, and you will see that I am not always going to be here. I need to know how you feel. I WAS falling in love with you, but your lack emotions are making me back away. For this I am sorry. I don't thin that you were the person you originally made yourself out to be.

H.

Dear mother,

Can I not say anything to you without you getting a bug in your butt? Chill out. You are the one making things tense around here. Chill the fuck out.

H.


--------------------
Hatred does not cease in this world by hating, but by not hating; this is an eternal truth. --- Buddah, The Dhammapada
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lilyblue
post Apr 8 2007, 05:29 PM
Post #2307


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 131


dear t,

i am writing this to let go. when you told me that i needed to focus on my spirituality over my sexuality without actually talking with me, that hurt. actually it pissed me off. for me sex and spirit are intertwined. they go hand in hand but i have spent most of my life working on the spirit. i want to have sex in the future so now i am working on that area of my life. i am working on the pain, fear and confusion that i have held for over 11 years. too bad you won't get to see me blossom.

you don't get to give me advice and then just leave. i can see it now, you can't handle me having real feelings. unless they are the "spiritually correct" feelings, you can't handle them. i will no longer censor my feelings to make you comfortable. as a matter of fact, i won't censor them from myself. they are real to me and that's all that matters.

frankly, if this is how you plan on running your "ministry", good luck. guilt and shame are always good in that realm. as for me, i will work with those who want me to grow and can provide that gentle, yet firm push that i need. you don't do that for me.

-----

dear s,

11 years ago, i "lost" my "virginity" with you. you sucked ass! i didn't know it at the time, but you were only interested in my virginity. you didn't give a flying rat's ass about me at all. (the fact that you didn't even kiss me or really pay attention to me should have been the clue. ) the worst part of it all is that i have been carrying this with me for the last 11 years. i have kept myself from being vulnerable and truly available to men because i have been afraid that they would be like you. well no more. i have pretty much forgiven myself and you for everything that went down that night. the thing is that now i am really ready to let go.

----

dear me,

from what you have read, sex is pleasurable. that's something to remember. also communication is key. it's okay to say that you are scared and that you are worried about pleasing your partner. a worthy partner will understand that and will help allay your fears. if not, don't get naked with that person. they are not worth it.

also, you don't have to have sex like everyone else. you are your own person and that's all that matters. do things in your own way as a way of honoring yourself. you deserve it.

love,

me.

p.s. contacting the l.b. is okay. nothing has to come from it, it's all about being courageous and letting someone know how you feel. if nothing happens, know that there will a guy out there who feels that you are nifty too.
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freckleface7
post Apr 8 2007, 04:20 PM
Post #2308


beachcomber
***
Posts: 1,200
From: societal fringe


mom:
still not interested in making up w/ m.
you were pretty cool about asking, and I know you want "your girls" to get along but while I chose the moment to draw the line, I never chose the battle.
none for me but thanks for asking!
youngest daughter

body: really. enough
I can't believe you are doing this NOW.
I'd frown here but it would hurt, bc even my skin seems to ache right now.
waaaaaa
self

mr: hurry your skippy little ass up.
I need extra tlc, hot tea and pity.
tick tick
wife
ps: if you call, the physical state (dreadful) I am in right now is how you are getting me.(sexy!)

creepy neighbor guy's family-
ironic that out of the whole neighborhood, you are the only one's that ever stop to do anything nice for us.
I'm sorry, but he is persona non grata.
I probly ought to just tell you but I still don't want to hurt you the wife's feelings, altho I got a hunch you won't be suprised either.
:/
not interested but appreciative


--------------------
I'm gonna let it shine
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culturehandy
post Apr 8 2007, 01:17 PM
Post #2309


(o)(o)
***
Posts: 11,350
From: Oh boobs


Dear Mother,

Can you fucking leave me alone for 30 seconds??? I don't give two shits right now. Do you have to fucking hover? Seriously, not everything I do is your business!!! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

CH


--------------------
Hatred does not cease in this world by hating, but by not hating; this is an eternal truth. --- Buddah, The Dhammapada
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zoya
post Apr 8 2007, 12:33 PM
Post #2310


uh huh.
***
Posts: 1,818
From: the world.


Dear A -

I'm confused. I don't get it. I know you're going through a tough time. But this world is small. We can do this. keep that enthusiasm of a couple of weeks ago. it will be fine. I know it. its just rough right now. Everything always works out. And if you want to make something work, you make it work. Please keep making it work.

thanks
zoya


Dear Universe -

what?

zoya
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freckleface7
post Apr 8 2007, 05:44 AM
Post #2311


beachcomber
***
Posts: 1,200
From: societal fringe


((((((((((((((LMP/her Mom/Family)))))))))))))))
huge hugs to all of you sweetie!
sending super strong get well vibes out to her right now, and also going to wish for her in the other thread bc don't we all know how amazing that seems to work?
hang in there sweets~
hugs,
freckle

lungs:
clear up.
yes right now.
clear upclearupclearupClear Up !
your are so wet and congested and you hurt and burn and today is a holiday and I don't relish going to the e r but am kinda thinking about it bc I can't sleep and have just been feeling so shitty off/on for the last several days and why did it only finally occur to me to see a dr NOW?
was it the weird dream w. megan mullolly from will and grace where she was giving me religious worksheets and I was here in bed w/ my cat, as I am in real life, and coughing my head off? (the butterfly was a nice touch, lovely really, thanks psyche!)
just get better. clear up.
body


--------------------
I'm gonna let it shine
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LoveMyPugs
post Apr 7 2007, 09:02 PM
Post #2312







Dear God,

Please take care of my momma tonight. She’s all alone in the hospital without any of us. Keep her safe and out of pain. I can’t stand watching her cry and hurt the way she is. I can’t stand watching them take blood and give her injection after injection. Help the doctors find out what’s wrong with her chest and why it hurts her so much. I’m worried about all the narcotics she’s being given. She doesn’t like to take medicine, not even aspirin. I’m scared. REALLY REALLY SCARED! Tomorrow is Easter Sunday and her 50th birthday. This is a terrible way to spend it especially since she was supposed to be spending a week in Vegas with my Dad. Please help her Lord. She needs you so.

Love,

Sheena

-----------------------------------------------------

Dear Mom,

Try to stay calm and not get upset. I know it hurts but crying and getting upset isn’t helping to keep you still and pain free. I know the fucking doctors and nurses seem like they are never going to come with the pain medication. I try to get them to move faster without freaking out on them. Sometimes they seem like they are being lackadaisical but I truly think they are just doing their jobs and waiting for orders to go through. They really are doing their best. I know they will find something soon just stay calm. We love you and I’ll see you in the morning.

I love you.

Your daughter,

Sheena

-----------------------------------------------------

Dear Dad,

You’re being very brave and very calm. Thanks for trying so hard to keep it together when I know your temper wants to get the best of you. You’re my hero. Thanks for calling me all the time with updates.

Love,

Sheenabean

-----------------------------------------------------

Dear Little Sis,

Thanks for calling me when things went down with mom today. Thanks for giving me a big, little sister, hug when I got to the ER. Thanks for holding my hand. Thanks for telling me everything will be all right. I love you baby girl!

Love,

Your Big Sister

-----------------------------------------------------

Dear Love of My Life Ryan,

Thanks for rushing to change clothes and eating the big bowl of ice cream you just made up in the car while we rushed to the hospital. Thanks for taking care of my sis in the waiting room while I was back with my mom. Thanks for hanging around my parents’ house while we waited for news. Thanks for buying dinner for us all. Thanks for holding my hand in the car on the way home. Thanks for calling your family and telling them we might not make it tomorrow because we have to go back to the hospital to see my mom. Thank you for everything. Thank you for just being wonderful.

I Love You!

Sheena

-----------------------------------------------------

Dear Doctors & Nurses,

Thanks for all your hard work. Please figure out what the fuck is wrong with my mom.

-----------------------------------------------------

Dear Busties,

Please pray for my momma!

Pugs
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dayglowpink
post Apr 7 2007, 02:20 PM
Post #2313


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 519
From: the shallow south


Dear L, I don't know what's going on between us, but it's bothering me a bunch. I don't know if you are just being the way other people told me you would be, and I shouldn't take it personally, or if something bad is happening with us. I want to talk to you about it, but I also get this feeling that you are trying to upset me somehow, and if that's the case, I don't want to indulge you. I know it's usually better to be open and honest about stuff, but it's hard, too. I hope that we can get through this and still be the kind of friends we have been. me

Dear B, Thank you again for challenging me and confronting me when I start acting weird. I'm sorry I have such a hard time talking when I'm upset. I tried my best, but I know that I didn't make much sense. It is so difficult to say what I am feeling at times like that. I start feeling numb and tongue-tied and and empty and terrified that I will say something awful. Thank you for listening to me the best you could, for making me look at you, and for sticking around with me. I want to keep working on what we have together, and I know that I have to work on myself to be able to do that. Patience. love, me
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zoya
post Apr 7 2007, 08:28 AM
Post #2314


uh huh.
***
Posts: 1,818
From: the world.


Dear A -

you rule. Thank you for last night.

when you jokingly called me your "new girlfriend" a while ago, I liked the sound of that. I didn't say anything then, because I'm kind of slow on the uptake, and I also just felt it so early that I might be jumping the gun. I wanted to tell you that I liked that idea when I saw you, but it seems I will not see you. I have not let go of hope, but as you said, I'm having to become resigned to the idea that it might not happen. I don't understand why this is happening. I pray every day that the universe, god, whatever, will give us the miracle that I know it can.

So I don't know what is exactly the right time to say something like that, since it seems the chance to say it in person will not be any time soon. I have loved every second of getting to know you. It's so easy, it just flows. and over the course of this time, I realize I don't want to see anyone else. Yes, it's a challenge, but as I said once - everything always works out, and if you want to make something work, you make it work. And somehow we seem to be doing just that. It just kind of fell into place, and it's been easy. I want to keep following that direction.

You literally walked into my life. I'd like you to stay.
zoya
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girltrouble
post Apr 7 2007, 02:56 AM
Post #2315


new highs in personal lows daily!
***
Posts: 4,307
From: wherever ink is put in skin...


dearest tranny god/dess,

lol, once again i got spanked. and while i'm tempted to say, "thank you ma'am, may i have another?" i think i take your point: i am at my best when i am unashamed to be me. other people's advise to hide who i am or anything of the sort ends up being all crash an' burn. i am better off when i am comfortable in my own skin. it's the thing to teach me over and over and over again. (this is that, "may i have another part). i know i can be slow on the uptake, so please bear with me. k? just keep reminding me that the goal is to be my own heroine. my own role model, the person i respect and admire, fuck what anyone else thinks. please keep the opportunites coming. you know i love them. push me, i know i need it. help me shed my sheepishness.

your daughter,
gt


muse,

i hear your singing in my heart, in my head. i am trying, i am coming. seems i lose my way too often, but i am listening, i will give in. i hear your theme:

Whoever you are come forth
Come forth
These are the days that must happen to you
Come forth

I am a spirit
Up above your head
Though I rest in you
As though you were a bed
In a molecular world
In an electric state
I sing the praise of angels
And I sit and wait for you

Baby, baby, baby
Succumb to me

Give me your tears
I'll keep them in a glass
I'll store them with the treasures
That I've amassed
Give me your ears
I have secrets to tell
I will make you hear the delicate bell
All around you

Baby, baby, baby
Succumb to me

Give me your anger
And I'll soften the tone
I am the kiss that grows
Where love is shown
I am the mirror
That reflects your flickering flame
So follow me through your mirror frame

Baby, baby, baby
Succumb to me
These are the days that must happen to you
Whoever you are come forth

I have not revealed myself to you
To be another statistic
I have come to you to be my mystic

Baby, baby, baby
Succumb to me

Whoever you are come forth
These are the days that must happen to you

take me down my path. teach me how to be stronger. better. teach me how to love myself... teach me how to give in.
yours,
gt



little one,

i see you, hiding there, under the blankets, hiding your head. so scared all the time. don't know know they can't hurt you? don't you know don't have to live in fear? don't you know that you have a choice of growing into that person in your heart of hearts, or shrinking? i write to you from your future. it is not an easy one, but it is beautiful, none the less...if you choose it. you are a rare gem, so why do you yearn to be a lump of coal? silly goose! close your eyes, and know who you are. close your eyes, and stop fighting. close your eyes and you will find a love for yourself that radiates. that becomes an armor. this is who you are, no apologies, no doubts, just love. you've seen it before. those women whose spiritual energy transcends physical beauty, that undeniable force, that self-love that people find irresistable. that, little one, is the goal. don't worry about all the little bullshit things thrown up in your way. the empty words of frightened, tiny minded people. your life is about your internal journey. go where your heart leads you, knowing that i will make you stronger.

oh, little one, i see you standing on the street corner, clinging to your mother's hand so tightly. you feel my path pulling you, and turn your head to find me. i smile at you. it's ok. it will all be ok. but it will be even better if you live your dreams not your fears. i know all the places from me to you, and there is nothing you cannot handle. you are so much stronger than you think you are, and you can be stronger still. don't be afraid to let go. because you can't go down your path till you do. can i tell you a secret little one? no path is as wonderful as the one that is all yours. can i tell you another? loving yourself is a powerful force, learn to harness it. share your love with others. nourish and feed their most beautiful self, and they will do the same to you. finally two last secrets: i am not your end, but still a intermediate stop. but i call you from further down this path, so you know, you can get there some day. you will get there someday. and the final secret, little one? oh, you know this one. i love you. all your little fears and all those times you fall down and scrape your knee. all those tears about something that turned out to be nothing. all those things you beat yourself up for, i love. i love you, your problems, worries and guilt, your virtues, your heart, your passion. little one, you are more than alright. and i love you.

gt


--------------------

"what a swell farewell party! we said goodbye to everything, including the lining in my stomach." - garvey, from the film, born bad

"That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted." --margo channing, all about eve
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zoya
post Apr 6 2007, 10:41 PM
Post #2316


uh huh.
***
Posts: 1,818
From: the world.


dear letter thread -

sorry for hogging you.

zoya



dear universe -

can you please, please let this come through on monday? it's the last chance for him to get over here. Here this is, in the palms of my hands, and yet its so far away. Everything else has been so spectacular - I am going to appreciate everything that is connected with this more than you probably even know.

thank you
zoya
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zoya
post Apr 6 2007, 03:51 PM
Post #2317


uh huh.
***
Posts: 1,818
From: the world.


dear you -

I feel like an ass. I was totally demanding on the phone and it's nothing I wanted to be. I was excited that you called, but when I told you about seeing C, and then you just said "Ok, I am gonna go now" I got all bummed at myself for bumming you out. That's when I was like No! No! Don't go, all needy and shit. I have not done that in forever. Got all freaked out and kept someone on the phone - god, how insecure that probably comes across. I know I don't need to be like that with you because you are an adult and so am I. But I feel like a fucking ass for saying that.

ugh. I think we'll be ok, but I just feel all ick.

zoya

ps - I need to talk to you soon but I am not gonna make the first move. I tried that already - the ball is in your court.
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WildWoman
post Apr 6 2007, 11:45 AM
Post #2318


BUSTie
**
Posts: 34


Dear Liver and Kidneys,
I am so sorry for the week I've put you through. Last night especially. If you guys can just hang in there a little longer, I swear I'll let you recover tonight. Lots of water and rest. And I promise to take better care of you in the future. It was just a strange week. I don't know why I decided I needed to drink my dinner every night. Enough is enough. Please don't give up on me guys. I NEED YOU!
Love Always,
Me
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zoya
post Apr 5 2007, 09:28 AM
Post #2319


uh huh.
***
Posts: 1,818
From: the world.


dear universe -

I surrender. I utterly surrender. Of course I don't understand why this delay, I only know that it's part of the whole big picture. It has to be. It's confusing, and all I can do anymore is just surrender. What more can be done to try and push things along? It seems that everything possible has been done. It's an emotional roller coaster for me and I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like for A. I keep visualizing the morning I will wake up and get that news that everything has fallen into place. I know I have to be patient and remember that I don't know the details of the journey, only that it will carry me to the end that I know will be. I am so grateful for everything that has come about so far, it's just that it's a challenge to stay positive when as a human, I don't understand. I can only trust that it will be. That you will make it so. It will be.

zoya

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WildWoman
post Apr 5 2007, 06:45 AM
Post #2320


BUSTie
**
Posts: 34


Dear L,
What did you want from me last night? Why did you even call. I answered the phone because I was curious. I should have ignored it. I knew you'd be pissed when I told you I was in love. But I had to tell you. Not telling you is not being true to myself. And then you say to be careful because you know how "needy" I am. Well FUCK YOU! You always thought I was "needy" because you NEVER gave me what I needed. I knew you'd react with spite and malice when I told you. But I want everyone to know I'm in love. And then you say I never appreciated you. Is that really how you saw me? Needy and unappreciative? Seriously? You fuck ass. You had my whole heart in the palm of your hand. I gave you ever ounce of myself, more than I could spare at the time. And that's how you perceived me? You have a withered black soul. You aren't nice. I am so pissed off right now!!!!! So fucking pissed off!!!!!!! If I wasn't at work I would scream. Then M comes to pick me up and I'm upset. I let you affect me. Why?!?!!?!? You always knew how to hit me where it hurt. You have always told me things like how I'm so "needy". And now I know why. You know I don't want to be that woman. You know how much I strive to be strong and independent, and damn it, I am!!!! M said you obviously don't even know who I am. And he's right. That made me feel better. He's good at making me feel better. Whatever. Why am I wasting time and energy on you. I want rid of you. PLease leave me alone from now on. We can't be friends and you know it. I'm happy now and you hate it. Forget I exist. Just leave me alone. I'm worn out.
Fuck off,
E


Dear M,
Thank you. You are an exceptional man. How lucky am I that no other woman got to your heart? You make me happy. You make me feel so special and beautiful. You already know me better than he ever did. It's because you can see my heart. You're kind and thoughtful and wonderful. You're everything I hoped for in a man but never thought I'd find. Thank you. I love you.
XOXO,
E


Dear Me,
You're a lucky girl. Take care of M. He's a keeper for sure. And forget about L. What a jerk off. But it's because of him that you are so strong. Never lose sight of who you are. Never undermine your feelings. Don't let him affect you. He's wrong about you and you know it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Love yourself and take care of yourself.
Love always,
Myself
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