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About Me....

um... who me? uh i guess i'm the lounge's resident tranny. old school bustie formerly known as butta.

my new {wo([manifest]o)}

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entry May 2 2007, 11:01 PM
mood: wink.gif rolleyes.gif
i haven't had time to post, but i post in threads and yammer on and on, this is actually from the "write a letter you will never send thread," one of my favorites in the lounge. after i posted it, i thought it would be good here, so forgive the cross post....
dear wee lil' hips,

do you know how long i've waited for you to sprout? it's been forever. for the longest time, i would daydream about having you. i'd close my eyes at night and hope you'd be there magically in the morning... but you never were. all my friends tease me, saying i can have their fat, their hips, and if i knew a way to make that happen i would have, but there isn't. i had to wait for you. it's been roughly 96,532 hours give or take a couple thousand, since i started this path. ok, technically i've always been on this path, but you know what i mean. it's not been easy. i thought you'd be here years ago, i wouldn't still be shaving, my boobs'd be well, lets just say i wouldn't be wearing padded bras anymore. i also didn't think i'd pass, or change my name, or any number of the numerous detours i've taken. it's the story of my life. i know umpteen girls who transitioned in a year, and did things faster than me, but this is my path, my life and my body. as much of a pain in the-- lol -- ass my body has been, i've dragged it in to this new life kicking and screaming, but it was you that i wanted, you that i waited for. i don't know how much you'll grow, but i hope it's a lot. since day one, i wanted child bearing hips, funny as it sounds. all the other girls wanted boobs, and while i thought that would be nice, i wanted hips, those marvelous curves....i didn't, i don't, care about the big operation, that wasn't womanhood to me, or more exactly, for me. it was so many other things, things people pointed out that were already a part of me, how i held a cup of coffee, soft gestures, an inner strength, love of things with personal meanings, quietness, and you. i even debated doing things i knew were dangerous so i could have some facsimilie of you. i've gone back and forth, looking at other girls, industrial silicone filling their hips and chests. their hourglass figures, perfect for now. i never wanted perfection, only to find myself, and who knows how long the silicone would stay in my head i can still see pictures of trannys with that plastic, bonded with their muscles sliding, lumpy, chunky, impossible to take out... but still i wanted you so badly, i still do. it's so funny, the temptation to get pumped. i know it's not a good long term choice, but i have fought all my life to have my body the way i know it in my head-- even for a little while, it seems worth while, but i am hoping that the tranny god/dess will have blessed me, just at the time when i probably would have given in, made the other choice. i can't even say it's the wrong one. just a different one. but i hope you are here, right on time, as aunt dottie would say, on these days when i feel more like a woman than i ever did, when it takes so little effort, when i feel comfortable in my skin, something i've felt so rarely in my 30+ years. it feels like i'm growing into me, into my womanhood, and here you come! yay! i just want you to know, you are wanted, no matter how much, you won't hear complaints from me. you just grow big, k? i love you, little hips. make me proud...after all, i've been waiting....


 | Category: music
entry Apr 23 2007, 09:51 PM
mood: unsure.gif sad.gif

i just learned that dakota stanton passed away a few weeks ago, and i guess i'm especially heart broken because i can't verify it. i do have a taste for the obscure when it comes to music, still, it's hard to believe she doesn't even rate a page on wikipedia.

vocally she was somewhere between nancy wilson and dinah washington, i discovered her in my mom's record collection and thanks to some serious thrifting and record collection i found more of her. i remember the album, and the song, "the late, late, late show" it was thru my moms few records that i got into soul and later, jazz. she didn't have many records, but the ones that she had are still part of my collection, and i think i also inherited a lot of her taste, but i expanded it too. jo stafford, rosemary clooney, astrid gilberto, kay starr, vicki carr, julie london, dearie blossom, shirley bassey, shirley horne, nina simone, susanna mccorkle, billie, of course, and so many others. i loved female jazz vocals. it was thru that collection i found nancy wilson, dinah, and sassy-- sarah vaughn. but dakota...dakota was a mystery. i had never heard of her before i pulled her album from the sleeve. but more than that--how could i not love her name? it's it's almost "indiana jones," how can you not notice her first name is a state? now i don't know about you, but for me people who's first name is a state get the benefit of a doubt, in practially everything. seriously. it doesn't matter if they are talking medical advise or nuclear fusion. of course they know. their first name is a state, after all. i suppose dakota fanning doesn't count, naturally. she's just a copy cat. ms. stanton was the first, and while i didn't know what to expect,once i heard her voice, i was in love. she was like the funny, adventuous aunt from the 40's and 50's chitlin circuit i always wanted. her songs winked at you, gently nudging you in the ribs as she shared an inside joke with you and you alone. she had more than a clear, solid voice, like early dinah, it was the emotional componant that made her music swing. i wish i could talk about her, without comparing her to anyone else, but there really is no way to convey how she sang-- how she swung-- without comparing her. she was never as technical as say sassy, or ella, but she had her pyrotechnics, to be sure, she had that same whooping, swooping, voice that is so associated with dinah, but seemed to be having a great deal of fun with her material. writing this i find myself a bit depressed that she never found the popularity her talent deserved, but then i find a sweet little appreciation of a jazz reviewer who talks about how easily she could win over a crowd-- not with the usual chit chat between songs-- no, she just sang, and those fortuanate enough to have heard her, who smiled at her phrasing, her sense of humor, her craft, well, we knew. we loved her. we....we were the lucky ones....

 | Category: politics
entry Apr 23 2007, 09:48 PM
mood: dry.gif
instead of calling anyone a brown noser, i just say, "good work, brownie!" with as much earnestness as i can muster. for the life of me, i really can't understand why anyone would admit to being a republican right now. even the ones who use "fiscal restraint" as their mantra.

not that i'm in the glee club for the democrats, they're an almost equally useless lot, if'n you're askin' me. but at least they hire people who are actually qualified to get the jobs they get. the reason i bring this up is that i've been listening to one of my favorite radio programs,between the lines along with counterspin and democracy now, you have all the major food groups that a growing mind needs. while i may listen to npr, i don't trust them as much, the proof is in the pudding after all, and of the sources i've just listed, only one of them never questioned the administration's need to go into iraq.

but i digress. i bring up between the lines, because they are talking about several topics i was going to comment on, anyways and just add fuel to the fire, but mostly they just fall under the rubic of republican incompetance. incase you have never heard or heard of btl, here is a glimpse of the work they do and the information they come up with. in this week they talk about the law school started by televangelist pat roberson, the regent school of law and it's ability to get graduates work in the bush administration. never heard of regent, well that's hardly suprizing since they are pretty much tied for last in a list of law schools, and 60% of it's graduates failed the bar the first time out. some how that didn't stop the bush administration from hiring over 150 of them to work in the department of justice. one of those graduates was monica goodling, who first pleaded the fifth, then resigned. and while i'm sure we'll hear more from that set, i was actually more concerned with attny general gonzales. there really isn't much to say other than he should have never gotten the job, but beyond that, i found it a bit rich to hear him say he thought some of those attorneys should have been fired for poor judgement. if what they did was poor judgement, then what would you call your time at as the attny general? oh, that's right, incompetance. throw the bum out.

the second person i was going to talk about is paul wolfowitz. now i have never been a fan of the world bank, the international monitary fund or the wto, but not unlike the sitch with mr. gonzales' comments, this story too, concerns not just incompetance but hypocracy. i know i can't be the only person who finds the moral failings of "christian" rightwingers ironic. i'm sure goddess rolls her eyes has herself a chuckle up in heaven everytime they start trying to claim any sort of moral high ground. since he got the job he has been talking about "corruption" and how he was going to clean up all of these developing countries' governments using money as a weapon (or carrot, depending on your want). yet, before he actually gets the job he does...what? something absurdly corrupt, suspicious, or....hell, choose an adjective. his girlfriend is already working for the wb, and he is informed that she can't work there if he runs the place, so he concocts a --harebrained, yet lucerative-- scheme to farm her out so she'd work under ms. c rice. then proceeded to negotiate two $60,000 raises, effectively pushing her salary higher than that of her boss for working at a place she really does no work! hey, lord knows we can all use a bf/gf that has that much pull but, seriously, what. the. fuck. sorry chumlee, if you are pulling that type shit, corruption shouldn't be your watchword, it should be your middle name. oh wait, i think it might be....

the next thing i wanted to comment on is only partly off topic, it has less to do with incompetance and more to do with worthy firings. i am speaking, of course, of don imus. the thing that interests me here isn't the words that got him fired as the "media's" reaction to the whole situation. first they seemed to dismiss it saying it was no big deal, then admitting he's said worse rationalizing that, it's just imus, as if it were some sort of real defense. the next step was never to really investigate much other than the surface. instead we were given a deflection: "well rapper's say the similar, or even worse things all the time." and while that may be true, it's comparing apples to oranges, and the thing we are talking about, and the thing they are trying to dance around is this is all about the old boy's club. this is not about some person who makes a record that may or not get air play, this is about a sexist, homophobic racist spewing his hate with the blessing of the establishment. i find it odd that you really didn't hear any of the army of "respected" journalists and politicos who have been on the show speak up, or really answer for having been a part of it. after all they were explicitly or implicitly complicit in condoning that hate, and for that they should have been taken to task. but instead we heard not talk about white men in power, but rather black men with none. if you went to nbc news head quarters you could throw a rock and hit someone who has been on imus, yet, did you hear many statements from them or did they simply keep quiet? the latter. for all you can say about the hateful lyrics of rap, they were not bankrolled by msnbc and cbs, they were not given several hours weekly, and they did not count washington players among their friends.

 | Category: film
entry Apr 23 2007, 09:45 PM
mood: laugh.gif
there are two things i'm obsessed with, film and gendertheory. ok, that's not exactly true, but i don't feel like waxing on about how much i love big calves and legs right now. i want to talk about film. since i started welding school i haven't watched many movies. which is odd. i'm always seeing something, usually it takes me a while to get to anything new unless it's asian, then or i can sneak into it, which would explain why i haven't seen donnie darko, i've got a slate of teen angsty movies which i started yesterday with the covenant, which was not-so-good but i can't resist horror, especially vampires, werewolves, witches, etc. today's list looks pretty alt. i've got dd, like i said, mysterious skin, chumscrubber, thumbsucker, and breakfast on pluto. but as i said, i favor asian films and i have been dying to see, charisma, and i have 2 coppies of-- one from the library, the other from netflix. the public library here is awesome and almost any movie i can find on netflix, i can get from them, so i'll probably cancel n.f. i've seen almost every movie by kiyoshi kurosawa, except this one. he used to be one of my favorite directors till joon bong-ho (the host, memories of murder, barking dogs never bite.) pushed him off the top. some of kurosawa's best films are: cure, bright future, pulse, and seance i'd recommend each very highly, but you have to know his films, he makes strange films, charisma, as an egsample, is described as an existentialist eco-thriller/fable. bright future made me cry, although some people think it a bit too poetic and oblique, and cure is one of the strangest serial killer movies, a genre that i think is way past it's expiration date: anything after se7en is a retread-- except cure. it's about a detective trying to hunt down a serial killer who hypnotizes people to kill for him, never knowing the person slain, and having only briefly met the victim who kills. along the way the detective may be falling under the killer's spell. it also has a very subtle end.... great movie, and seance will remind most people of the ring,(haunting by a wet asian girl), athough i think it came out around the same time, it's chills are much more subtle. it's best seen on the big screen. you miss too much on dvd.

sooner or later i should post my list of asian extreme films i adore, but i actually meant to hop on here and talk about the best black films, just for cos. i think it's mostly because #1 is in release right now. i've written about it a couple of times in the lounge. anyways here is the list, i should mention it is just off the top of my head. i might elaborate more later.

1)killer of sheep
2)black is, black ain't.
3)devil in the blue dress
4)sweet sweetback's badass song
5)do the right thing
6)cooley high
7)boys in the hood
8)stormy weather
9)daughters of the dust
10)a soldier's story

 | Category: life
entry Apr 16 2007, 12:27 AM
mood: tongue.gif

so before i go any further i should say a couple of things: i am an old school bustie, i used to go by the moniker "butta" and 1000 variations thereof. i am a m2f non-op transexual, and yea, well, i named my blog "great. another shot in the ass."

why? cos. i guess it fits. i get a new hormone shot in the ass every two weeks from my ex, who, is a self-described sadist. she asks me on weeks that i'm not supposed to get my shots, just cos she likes putting needles in me. (really. she pierced both of my nipples, and if i told her that i've since taken the piercings out, and let them heal up, would beg me to pierce them again). but back to the subject: my ass. and i know whoever ends up reading this, will undoubtedly enjoy my ass, otherwise you wouldn't have bothered reading about my sorry ass. but i digress. the problem is my body doesn't particularlly like the shots, and tends to bruise and swell. essentually, the bump, (as opposed to my barely existing humps), ends up being somewhere between an inflamed, severe mosquito bite, and a mild bee sting. every two weeks. all to little effect. my boobs, are barely a cups, my build is essentually a boy's, even after my 6-8 years on the sauce. sigh. i suffer so. ok, ok, stop rolling your eyes. i know, so what. but these things are supposed to be genetic, my mom and sister are curvy, but me? heh. i get to be the giant. tsk! i day dream about soft sensuous curves, a pear shaped body with a nice bubble butt, and thick thighs and calves. pretty brown skin, like hills, cascading to my ankles.... mmmmm.... i drool in jealousy as my girlfriends bemoan their weight problems... that could be me. i could have been a contender! i could have some body, instead of a bum, which is the rap i got! yeah. about the only thing that has grown since i got on the moans is my height, (about 2-3 inches, making the grand total 6'2" ish). something that i am painfully made aware of, since ironically everybody remembers me being shorter than i am. oh, there is one other thing that has grown since taking the trucker's rig in my backside so to speak, i won't mention it, but let's just say, that everyone seems to be baffled by it's growth, since it's the one thing everyone expects to diminish when they start shooting the girl juice. ha! not me. i can't follow a goddamn rule to save my life, not that i'd want to in this (particular) case.....

so i was planning on not posting much but i do have a problem with diary diare...lets just say i don't know when to stop. but i am glad we get blogs. i think lots of the busties that i miss from the olden days might still be here instead of migrating to lj. i do hope that bust will have the same kind of hands off way of dealing with their blogs as they do with the lounge, but i think i should probably reign myself in. i had a blog on diary-x forever ago that got me fired, in trouble with my girlfriend at the time, and well, you'd think i'd know better. i just tend to shoot my mouth off and be horribly, terribly honest in a blog, after all, isn't that the point?

if you are expecting a thrill ride, i can guarentee it won't be. i am well past the "going out to clubs and causing drama" stage of my life. it was short lived, but it's over. nope, more than likely this will be talking about feminism (natch!), gender theory, pop culture, film theory, music, art, etc and the stupid, boring shmackity-shmack that is my life-- i.e. girl trouble with hormones, doctors, etc.

speaking of which, i wanted to post a little snippet here, to come back to later. its in regards to a couple new japanese manga/anime/gender terms i've accidentally come across in the last week...those terms are: futanari, bishonen, yoai/yoari.

well till it's time for a new shot,
later, skater!

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sk8 boarding with a long board,
skateboard drifting
street art/stickers/graff/stencils
thriftin' and liftin'
asian cinema- particularlly korean films, movies from the 60's + 70's, screwball comedies of the 30s-40's, german expresionist film, horror and film noir, neo-noir, sci-fi particularly dystopias, self-reflexive film. film theory.
almost any genre of musics, particularly soul, r&b, jazz, blues, old, new and true school hip-hop, jump blues, jazz vocals, "incredibly strange music", "golden throats", odd covers, asian underground, cock rock, hair metal, j and k pop and hop, the "countrypolian" sound, rockabilly, surf, soundtracks and theme songs, swing, big band, lounge, tradional ez listening, bossa-nova, international pop.
subcultural histories. asian subcultures, american subcultures, historical tangents, politics,
gender theory, queer theory,
feminism, feminist theory, feminist film theory,
transgendered issues.

and welding! yay for OAW!!!!

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las hormones y vida travisti
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