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um... who me? uh i guess i'm the lounge's resident tranny. old school bustie formerly known as butta.

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entry Jun 8 2009, 01:08 PM
letter to a boy who likes transexuals

this is a reply that i sent to someone who, i'll admit i have a crush on. he's a former graff writer, and sk8r, which, is enough to make me commence to drooling. he wrote me talking about how frustrated he was about his attraction to t-girls.

i can understand how your sexuality can be frustrating. but these things, they get worse when you try to go against the grain. the thing to do is to work at accepting yourself, and you desires. right now they are in the fetish stage for you. you crave t girls, but you beat yourself up for it. what you need to do is understand that that attraction is-- or atleast could be-- your normal, and that is a good thing. nature is a complex thing, but as westerners our urge is to put everything in a box, or reduce it to binary, either/or, black and white choices. what we forget, often times is not only are their greys, but millions and billions of hues-- variations on the themes. this world we live in is not simple, it is soooo wonderfully complex. that is not a bad thing, that-- that is a virtue. that is darwin's theory. it wasn't just survival of the fittest, it was variation as survival mechanism. variation of nature's beautiful work, the clockwork that makes this planet and all the creatures on it so fucking amazing!

yet so often, we are myopic, unable to see anything that isn't right in front of us. unable to grasp that bigger picture, that we are all part of this grand, living organism, in all it's different shades. that goes for me altering my body, and following it's lead, and growing in to me and you being attracted to people like me, and growing in that. there is no shame in that. only more beauty. we are only part of this lovely work, you and i, part of the wonders this life has to offer. so there is no point in griping, or beating ourselves up in the garden of earthly delights. no, it is so much better to learn to embrace it, and who we are.

as for me, and being comfortable with my sexuality, that, my friend is a learning process. you have to learn whose opinion matters, and whose doesn't. if it impedes you being happy, that opinion doesn't matter. i'm not saying it's easy, but you have to judge what is important to you. for me learning to be me, and growing comfortable with that is over riding, but one thing that you learn is that if you are comfortable with something it puts other people at ease. if you act like something is normal, others see it as normal. it is the putting of others at ease that is the art of it. i can't say i've got that art down pat, but i'm getting there. it's a learning process.

i think i understand why you are having a hard time with your sexuality tho. masculinity is a very funny thing. it's rules are enforced by peer pressure in many subtle, unconscious ways. your machismo is constantly challenged, what you need to understand is the ways that you are a party to this enforcement in others and yourself.

sorry if i get a little too gender theory heavy here, but i think i get where you are coming from. one of the things that helped me was "making space" for others to break masculine gender rules. so if some guy likes, say, pink, you can tease him about it, but at the end of the conversation, make sure he knows in your eyes it doesn't make him any less of a man, or your friend. in that way you slowly make space for others to do the same for you, and your attraction to t-girls. do you see? you put them at ease, and it lets you be at ease.

while i am here, i should explain something to you: i know that you might think that your attraction to tgirls might make you gay, but personally that never made sense to me. gay boys are not interested in t-girls. they like men. even if they like 'em femme, they don't care for all the "bells and whistles" that come with tgirls or women. you are part of an emerging sexuality-- one that is attracted to the female form but with the commonality of a penis. that is something new. you are a pioneer! unfortunately, that means you may have to explain things to your friends, and maybe lose some of them, and it's a cliche, but they really aren't your friends, because they don't make that space i was talking about earlier, for you to be you. seriously, what is friendship if it's not about making space for each other to be who we truly are?

anyways, i'm gonna climb off of my soap box. because i've given you plenty to chew on.


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sk8 boarding with a long board,
skateboard drifting
street art/stickers/graff/stencils
thriftin' and liftin'
asian cinema- particularlly korean films, movies from the 60's + 70's, screwball comedies of the 30s-40's, german expresionist film, horror and film noir, neo-noir, sci-fi particularly dystopias, self-reflexive film. film theory.
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subcultural histories. asian subcultures, american subcultures, historical tangents, politics,
gender theory, queer theory,
feminism, feminist theory, feminist film theory,
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