cuttin' it close with your hostess, lady schick! :: girl, it's trouble.
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um... who me? uh i guess i'm the lounge's resident tranny. old school bustie formerly known as butta.

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 | Category: life
entry May 25 2009, 09:40 AM
i've taken years to figure out what
method i'd use to kill myself. it may sound funny that it's taken me years, but i think this is the last one. i know how i'll do it. deciding to kill yourself is not something that you do on the spur of the moment, strangely.
it's taken me years
to learn the art of the fade:it's something you plan as the pain inside you grows
and now that i have my method, i can finally find peace.
where my voice sounds
like white out,
all words delete
pain is deaded
my features blur
relationships pixelate
and all that i am dilutes. i understand the people who have killed themselves. this overwhelming. and i won't be missed, not for long. i will fade, as i've been doing for years, and i can't wait to be free of this life, this pain.
it's my secret power,
a slight of hand,
my jedi mind trick
you don't even know
is working on you.
and even if you did
would you care? and why should anyone care? the world doesn't stop when someone important dies, and it won't stop when i go either. so the method:helium suffocation.
the funniest part is
it takes so little effort disposable helium tanks are easily to find. i'd think that walmart carries them.
to distract you
a bit of misdirection
to edit things out helium, unlike most canned gasses has no oxygen so if inhaled one can breathe, but you suffocate.
and you don't recall it starts with getting high, then dizzyness, disorientation as brain functions shut down.
anything that happened. it's like going to sleep. if i miscalculate i'll end up a vegetable, so win/win.
the plan is to dose myself with liquicaps. when i get sleepy, i put on the gas mask and turn on the gas.
that's it's charm: it's simple. painless, and the parts are easy to obtain.
life's clockwork
gears grind and blind
and you never stop
to look back
and even if you did
would you care?
i can have a tank + gas mask delivered to my apartment, and next time my bones ache, then i'll just fade. this is my last year! yay!

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sk8 boarding with a long board,
skateboard drifting
street art/stickers/graff/stencils
thriftin' and liftin'
asian cinema- particularlly korean films, movies from the 60's + 70's, screwball comedies of the 30s-40's, german expresionist film, horror and film noir, neo-noir, sci-fi particularly dystopias, self-reflexive film. film theory.
almost any genre of musics, particularly soul, r&b, jazz, blues, old, new and true school hip-hop, jump blues, jazz vocals, "incredibly strange music", "golden throats", odd covers, asian underground, cock rock, hair metal, j and k pop and hop, the "countrypolian" sound, rockabilly, surf, soundtracks and theme songs, swing, big band, lounge, tradional ez listening, bossa-nova, international pop.
subcultural histories. asian subcultures, american subcultures, historical tangents, politics,
gender theory, queer theory,
feminism, feminist theory, feminist film theory,
transgendered issues.

and welding! yay for OAW!!!!

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