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um... who me? uh i guess i'm the lounge's resident tranny. old school bustie formerly known as butta.

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entry Jun 26 2007, 11:57 PM
more on the futa fan site:
Comment a:
[...]I'm not going to mince words. I'm a flat out freak. I've done so many perverted things for the sake of masturbation that it's not even funny. Anal play, auto fellatio, swallowing my own cum, urethral play and even peeing all over myself. In comparison, a little gay sex isn't so bad. To this day, I refer to myself as bi-curious, since I know I'm more attracted to women than men, though I admit I'm attracted to the penis. I don't say this to everyone, since it's not anyone's business anyway.

So where the hell am I going with this? Well, it's a little unfair to expect everyone to be so open about their sexuality (I'm friends with a lesbian, though she's much braver than I could be). Society sucks ass and it pressures us to pretend to be one thing, while demeaning our hidden desires that no one would want to hear. If most people that knew me even realized half the stuff I said here, they'd suggest to send me to psychotherapy again. We all have levels of insecurities and some of us are more secure than others. I'm not saying it excuses slanted views like Dan Savages - which is some of the biggest bull I've ever heard - but I can understand some reluctance. When the slightest mention of subtle homoerotica in heterosexual porn scares many self-described straight men, it's understandable. When many southern baptists look at gays as people worse than child murderers, it's understandable. When a college student said with total honesty that black men on the down low are the most despicable scum on the earth (though I'd rather omit race from this discussion, it's a seedy topic in the black community that I hear it way too often), then it's no surprise why some people hide in the closet. For god's sake, when one user in a message board gets slandered for his shemale porn collection on his desktop, it shows how ridiculous homophobia's gotten in this country.

Well at the very least, you don't get punished for it here like in other countries.

comment b:
Id like to state my opinion on the subject of "love" since it has been brought up a few times now.
(And donīt forget: Itīs my opinion, I donīt command you to accept it. ;)Wink )

It has been said, that love has little or even nothing to do with sex/gender. I strongly disagree.
If the above was true, then we would all the time hear guys say: "Oh, I have fallen in love with that man, but I canīt start a relationship with him because Iīm straight." And the reverse. People generally fall in love with the gender they prefer sexually. Exceptions only prove that. Otherwise they wouldnīt be exceptions.

People probably experience love in different ways. To some, it might not be as distinct as to me so I will try to loosely define the symptoms of love so it is clear what I mean.
In my experience, "true love" is not liking someone a lot. Liking someone very much is often called love because there is no separate word for it. I love my brother for example, but Iīm not in love with him. I have fallen in love often enough now to be able to distinguish the feeling. Love, to me, is when you think of somebody all the time. When you canīt stop looking at that person. When you have daydreams about that person. Your heart starts beating faster when you are near that person. Sometimes you are not even entirely sure, why you love that person but you would do anything to be with them. I never felt this way about a man and Iīm sure most straight men never have.

So I stick to my point that the gender you have ever fallen in "real love" with shows your sexual orientation.

Beside that point: No, I think the thought of being gay is not scary and it should not be. I have a few gay friends and colleagues and they are as human as everybody else. (Duh. Rolling Eyes ) But thatīs the sort of thread you have to expect on a futanari-board and I think you could have expressed your opinion a little more diplomatic, girl trouble. wink.gif

me and my big mouth comment:

yeah. i could have. but i didn't. i'm sure i came across as a super bitch. *shrugs* and i'm cool with that. it's not that there is a single person on these boards i don't like-- i think you're all a pretty damn cool lot, but on this topic i can only be diplomatic for so long. i'm sorry,i hear "oh, i might suffer stigma for being attracted to futa/t-girls." and it doesn't get that far with me, and my feeling is stop fucking carping and grow some stones. man up for fucksake!

do you think you can tell me that any stigma you might feel can hold a candle to the day i first walked out of my house dressed as a girl? do you think you have had to deal with a bit of what most t-girls have had to consistantly? and lord knows, i sympathize with those who had conservative up bringing-- i was expected to be a minister. my mom and grandfather were ordaned ministers. the church i grew up in was the first black church in the north half of the state, and my family founded it. conservative? yeah. i know that path. i have lost pretty much all of my family, no, i HAVE lost all of my family because they don't get it. they are probably praying as we speak for my damned soul. and i am supposed to shed a tear of pity cos what your friends might say? i can't do it. and it's not that i don't get it, believe me i do, i just think things need to be put in perspective.

lets say you admit you are attracted to some tranny you saw on maury, or the web, and maybe you get teased about it. or maybe your friends agree. they've seen some hot trannies too. whatever. but does it keep you from getting an apartment? a job? do people you don't know feel the need to talk shit about you cos the sight of you freaks them out? i think not. see, i can't feel sorry for about that. on the scale of things those fears? sooooooo light weight. in the next month i am trying to get into the boilermakers union. a old school hardcore union. one of my female friends who is doing this with me called them up and they are harrassing her, now, can you imagine what they will do to me? with my male birth certificate? with the letter m still on my driver's licence? if they even do let me in i'm in for hell. and i know that, but i persist, because i don't believe what other people say should stop me.

now: about your theory of love [c.....], again, my issue is that it returns to this regressive idea that sexuality is binary. it's not. that gender is binary. it's not. and while you may argue that my points are too avant garde, the point is you know that i speak the truth.

the reason this is important is that when we hide the truth, when we don't speak our truth, we are all the poorer for it. it is realizing that our experiences are not so strange. that our desires are not so different. it is finding that being comfortable with who you are is not only incredibly liberating, it liberates those around you.

that said, staying in that closet, silencing yourself, condemns not just you, but those around you too. i have a personal motto: be your own hero. i think you can figure out what that means.

but back to this thing of desire vs. love, since that was the direction we were heading. my objection, the one following the first, is a question: do you have the cahones to pursue that desire? lets say you met a t-girl, or in some strange world a futa. if you aren't up to even admit your attraction, can you ever be open to something more? it's easy to say that, well i've ever been gay because i've never fallen in love with a man...plenty of gay men do it. there are married men who slink into porno shops late at night and will do anything for a dick in their mouth, who will go to all the city parks and cruse right along with the out of the closets, and they have never fallen in love. and they never admit their attraction. do you think they are doing themselves any favors? do you think they will fall in love? yet, it is what they do. homosexuality isn't just what you do, it's what you desire. in that same way, attraction to futa-- trans women-- is no different. it's your sexuality. and there shouldn't be any shame in saying, i'm attracted to the female form. i love gg, and i have seen some ts girls that are pretty hot. not interested in guys, but more power to those who are. what is so hard about that?

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