cuttin' it close with your hostess, lady schick! :: girl, it's trouble.
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um... who me? uh i guess i'm the lounge's resident tranny. old school bustie formerly known as butta.

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entry Nov 1 2009, 04:46 AM
i was thinking at work, hiding in the store room to keep my coworkers from hearing me sobbing, that all this time i thought my bones ached when i got in this state, because i was in pain, but i realize now, it was nothing of the sort. it was like a little beacon, guiding me to my end. it was this thing telling me i was getting closer, that my road was at an end, i was just reading it wrong.

i've decided that i'm going to take care of business. i've been putting off getting the tank for months because things seem to look better in the morning, but i get it now. they only seem better, it's an illusion. things don't actually get better, i'm just more willing to be distracted out of desperation. but i don't need that anymore. it's time to let go of what little is left. it is time to be free. i never should have been here. i never should have lived so long, i wasn't meant to survive, i'm not that strong. i can't take that much hurt, and there is so much fucking hurt. oh god all the hurt. it's almost unending, and its a constant like breathing, aand i want--- i need to stop. i need to put this hurt to an end, it's everywhere. it's in everything, i don't know how i lasted so long with all this pain. i don't. no one should have to live with their heart aching this much for so long. and for the life of me, i don't see why i do. i shouldn't have to keep crying myself to sleep. i shouldn't.

 
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interests:
sk8 boarding with a long board,
skateboard drifting
street art/stickers/graff/stencils
art/television/radio/magazines/
(video)gaming
thriftin' and liftin'
asian cinema- particularlly korean films, movies from the 60's + 70's, screwball comedies of the 30s-40's, german expresionist film, horror and film noir, neo-noir, sci-fi particularly dystopias, self-reflexive film. film theory.
almost any genre of musics, particularly soul, r&b, jazz, blues, old, new and true school hip-hop, jump blues, jazz vocals, "incredibly strange music", "golden throats", odd covers, asian underground, cock rock, hair metal, j and k pop and hop, the "countrypolian" sound, rockabilly, surf, soundtracks and theme songs, swing, big band, lounge, tradional ez listening, bossa-nova, international pop.
subcultural histories. asian subcultures, american subcultures, historical tangents, politics,
gender theory, queer theory,
feminism, feminist theory, feminist film theory,
transgendered issues.

and welding! yay for OAW!!!!

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