You guys! Father's day is THIS SUNDAY. Don't panic. Shh... Listen...
You're not the only one who is trying to figure out what gift to bestow upon your dearest darling father! When asked, my father usually gives me some vague response about cleaning my room, or finally moving out.... Sorry Dad, these things that you ask for... are unattainable...
We Milman's spend each Father's day riding the Cyclone (the iconic Coney Island rollercoaster), eating varenyky in Brighton Beach and nagging our poor mother to walk faster. Poor lady!
If you are unable to buy your Dad a corndog at Nathan's, I got choo. I know, I'm great, and super thoughtful. I made ya'll a gift guide*. No need to thank me, really!
******I'm trying to avoid cliches here, every gift guide I've seen online is like PLZ, ALL YO DADDY REALLY WANTS IS: BBQ related tchotkes, golf clubs, wallets and ties/ cufflinks... (Seriously... Who wears cuff links??)
Check out this fancy pants steak. Porterhouse Steak is the ultimate combo-platter cut of meat you can buy. You get some short loin, and you get some tenderloin. What more could yo Pops want?
2) Does Your Dad like Biking? Does your Dad like Wine?
WELL WE have just the thing for you to buy him! No, seriously- this Bicycle Wine Rack will ensure that your Papa is transporting his vino in style.
3) Hook him up with some VEG action!
Your dad not a steak man? That's ok! Sign him up for a CSA Box, this means you are supporting small local farms, and getting some seriously fresh delicious produce delivered to your home! Check out Local Harvest, and find a farm near you. Keep yo dad eating GOOD in his neighborhood.
4) Get him HYPED:
With the sweet, sweet nectar that is Stumptown Coffee! This business is super ethical, treats the coffee farmers with respect, and makes some seriously awesome coffee. Get ya dad all buzzed up!
5) POCKET PIG
OK... Seriously, who doesn't want a little ass pig? Micro Mini animals are just TOO CUTE. I can't handle it. Your father won't be able to handle it. The world can't handle it. Oh heavens, what hath god wrought?????
6) Keep yo Big Poppa looking FRESH
In this super sick Mirf& Obey collabo T-shirt. I'm friends with Serf, and he is still yet to hook me up with one of these bad boys... But I'm dying to get my hands on one of them. And c'mon keep your Dad young--- street art is just SO COOL right now.
7) IS YOUR FATHER A BEWK WORM?
Mine is! His GENRE OF CHOICE is Science Fiction, and Fantasy. God bless him, without him I'd probably be reading like, literature, or something... Check out The Strand, they got New& Used books, and Patti Smith used to work there. How cool is that?
9) Keep his imbibing on the DL
I know your dad just wants to do hoodrat shit with his friends, but with this tall boy cozy, or even 40oz cozy, he will be able to elude the cops and keep his sweet malt liquor cold.
10) Let your Dad ROCK OUT w/ his COOKIES OUT
Everybody loves baking, and with these sweet cookie cutters, you and your dad can shred some serious dough on these guitar shaped goodies!
11) Is your Dad a Real Man?
Good. Then he'll love this T-shirt. It takes a real man--one with a sense of humor, that is--to put this shirt on!
PS: I couldn't think of any Father's Day Tunes, but I guess Madonna has a song or something... "PAPA DONT PREACH, play with your Teacup Pig that I bought you."